Twelve Years Earlier…

It was another day, and she felt no happier than she did the day before. It was raining heavily, the dark, gloomy skies mirroring her constant mood perfectly. She wished she could see the silver lining behind the rain cloud of her soul, but felt as if happier days would never come. It has been two weeks since she left Jiraiya behind and she could still feel his lips against hers, and his strong yet gentle arms snake their way around her body. She missed him. She knew that to be a fact. But despite how much she wished she could be in his presence, it wasn't enough to will her back into his embrace.

She never expected to fall in love with him in such a short period of time. Perhaps she has been in love with him far longer than she expected or was willing to admit. But every time, she pictured a perfect life with him, it would almost always end in travesty, and seemingly never ending tears. She refused to put herself through that kind of trauma again. But why did it hurt so much to be apart?

She looked around the room she was currently occupying and saw Shizune asleep in bed with TonTon curled up next to her. She looked so peaceful as she slept, as if she had nothing to worry about. She envied her student for that, but was also happy that her own personal struggle did not rub off on the young girl. Above anything else, she wanted her to live a full life and not be weighed down by sadness and pain. She recalled when she used to be happy and view the world as half full rather than half empty. Those were better times, but now she transformed into a bitter pessimist that just could not find any joy no matter how hard she tried. That's why she ran from Jiraiya. Because she could not allow herself to love and be loved in return, for in the back of her mind she was always of the belief that no good could ever come of it.

It was early in the morning, but the rays of the sun could not seem to cut through the thick, dark clouds making it appear as if it were still night. Under normal circumstances, Tsunade would still be asleep but she didn't sleep a bit the night before, and she felt an uneasiness within. The truth was that she was unable to fall asleep for a few days now, and her body felt ragged and run down. Perhaps her mind was far off, wherever Jiraiya was at the moment and prevented her from sleeping or doing anything else to exercise self-care.

Suddenly, a wave of nausea overcame her being, and she felt the need to empty the contents of her stomach. She ran to the bathroom and buried her face into the porcelain throne, her throat burning as the hot liquid spewed out her mouth. After throwing up what little nutrients she had in her stomach, she flushed the mess away and brushed her teeth. Looking in the mirror, she looked at her haggard appearance and figured she contracted a stomach bug. She just didn't know when she became sick. Feeling the need to throw up again, she returned to the toilet and wretched up whatever was left in her stomach. This was no ordinary stomach bug, and she only hoped that Shizune would not become infected as well. However, after going over the symptoms of the stomach flu in her mind, she deduced that she only had one symptom. Perhaps she didn't have the stomach flu after all.

Being a world renowned medic, she knew better. Feeling slightly panicked, she brushed her teeth again and splashed some cold water onto her face in order to calm her frazzled nerves. This could not be happening. A shaky hand ventured to her flat stomach, and landed there. Focusing her chakra into her palm, she tried to assess the situation and when she detected a faint presence of another chakra buried within her womb, she knew it wasn't just her anymore.

She recalled her last sexual encounter. It was a breathtaking moment between her and a man she didn't even know she loved. Both were too caught up in the wonder of it all and the passion they didn't know they had for each other, that protection was never discussed. It was no surprise that she found herself in this predicament. She wanted to throw up again, but not because of the morning sickness that comes with pregnancy, but because of just how scared she was.

She wanted to scream and run away. But even if she did, she would not be able to escape her new reality. The only way out would be to cut her pregnancy short and end the life of the tiny human growing inside of her. She tried to tell herself that it would not be a big deal, that it was just a tiny collection of cells. But the thought of going through with the unthinkable, made her feel even more nauseas.

What was she going to do? Motherhood was never something she ever considered not only because she questioned her maternal instincts, but because of the war stricken world she lived in. It was a world in which children died at the hands of adults, their limbs were blown off by bombs, and some were left to fend for themselves at tender ages. She has seen too many children who were victims of war starve in the street without a friend in sight, and countless of those children grew up to be revenge-seeking killing machines. Her former friend Orochimaru suffered a similar fate the moment his parents succumbed to their war injuries. How could she possibly bring an innocent child into a world of such darkness? How could she shield her child's eyes from such pain and sorrow?

She closed her eyes and tried to remember the happy life she had growing up. She had both parents, a little brother, and grandparents who adored her. She was fortunate enough to have a roof over her head and daily meals. So many people didn't have that and she was grateful for her blessings. Her mother was a prime example of what a good parent and role model should be. She was calm and gentle and loving to a fault. Tsunade could not compare to that and she knew it. She felt sorry that her child was stuck with her as a mother. She wished she could give her child the normalcy and happiness she had as a child, but feared that it would be impossible with her current state of depression and the instability of the ninja world.

She honestly did not know what to do and yearned for some divine intervention to give her some solutions to all her questions and what if's. The only thing she knew for sure is that she would not be able to live with herself if she denied the child a chance at life. The kid would already be at a disadvantage with an emotional train wreck as a mother, but who was she to decide not to at least give it a fighting chance? Therefore, as unfortunate as it was, the kid was stuck with her.

Now she had to prepare herself for nine months of weight gain, fatigue, unusual cravings, swollen ankles, and intensified mood swings. After enduring all that, she would rewarded with a baby she was uncertain she would even have a connection to. She figured, the child would be born and feel like a complete stranger to her. Shizune would more than likely be thrilled, but Tsunade couldn't even say she was excited. It sounded horrible to admit out loud, especially since mothers-to-be can't wait to meet their children. But all Tsunade could think about was the crippling fear she had about ruining the kid's life, which was probably the inevitable in her case.

After a few days of coming to terms with the fact that she was going to have a baby, she decided to tell Shizune. Of course the raven haired girl was thrilled at the prospect of having a baby around and being a big sister. The girl radiated happiness, while Tsunade retreated more and more into herself with each passing day. She kept herself in good health, doing everything she possibly could to do right by the developing fetus. After her first trimester, she settled in a small town for the duration of her pregnancy. Then after months of being a human incubator, it was time to bring the child into the world.

It was one of the scariest moments in her life. The moment her water broke, all the fears she tried to suppress during her pregnancy came to light and she wanted to go back in time when she didn't use protection and right that wrong. With each contraction, she grew even more afraid of the child hating her guts and running away to seek a better life. After what seemed like forever, the baby was born, cleaned up, swaddled, and then handed to her. It was a girl with a head of blonde hair. Tsunade nervously looked at the infant in her arms and felt the kind of love she has never felt before. She feared she wouldn't feel a connection to her own child, but sitting there with her little girl in her arms, she felt quite the opposite.

She wanted to give the baby the world. She didn't want her to know pain and suffering. She didn't want her to be like her. In that moment, she realized her life did not belong to her anymore, nor did it matter. Her life now belonged solely to her little baby, and no matter what she would protect her with everything she had. She stroked her chubby, rosy cheek with her thumb and gave her the name that was her grandmother's; Mito.

Shizune cooed at her sweet little sister and stroked her blonde hair, "Are you going to let him know Lady Tsunade?" She asked her mentor.

Mito looked up at Tsunade, opening her eyes for the first time. Tsunade peered down at her baby and saw that the child had big, onyx eyes, the same eyes that she inherited from the man who helped create her. Through her eyes, Tsunade saw the man she loved. She wanted him to share in that moment with her and watch as their child grew up. But then, she thought of him suffering the same fate as Dan and Nawaki. She thought about how devastated she would be and suddenly it wasn't about her anymore. She thought of what that trauma would do to the innocence of her perfect daughter. How could she put her child through that only to have her become a grief stricken shell of a person? She couldn't, and made a decision that some would say was selfish and idiotic, but a decision that she thought to be the best.

"No, Shizune." Tsunade shook her head and held her baby close, "Mito will only know of me and you. We're her family, that's it."

She felt guilty for the decision she made. He would surely hate her if he were to find out that she denied him of his paternal responsibilities. However, all she cared about was taking care of her baby, even if that meant doing it alone. Her life carried new meaning now. Depression and heartache were still contributing factors to who she was, but the love she had for her child carried her and willed her to go on with it.