Tsunade, Shizune, and Mito were having lunch in the dining hall of the inn. Conversation was not flowing freely among the three. In fact, Tsunade appeared to be in deep thought, Shizune was internally worrying about what would occur a few days from then, and Mito was absentmindedly picking at her food. Granted their family unit was never upbeat and talkative, but each member seemed to be in their own world. Shizune was desperate to know just what was going on in Tsunade's head. In just a few short days, Orochimaru would appear again and when he does, what would happen? Would Tsunade refuse to heal his arms or would she give in to her selfish desires? Shizune had no idea, but what frightened her the most was her mentor's damaged mental state. There was a strong possibility that the losses in Tsunade's life could cloud her rational thinking and cause her to make decisions she would not otherwise make. If that were the case, Tsunade would become a traitor to her homeland, the villain in the stories of the residents of the Leaf. Shizune didn't know what would happen, but could not stand by and allow everything to fall apart.
The trio's internalizations were interrupted when Jiraiya and Naruto appeared at their table. Naruto was being loud and rambunctious as usual which caused Mito to giggle, but Tsunade to roll her eyes. Shizune however, seemed to be paying more attention to Jiraiya. She was glad that he showed up when he did, because perhaps he could be the solution to all her problems.
"We keep bumping into you Tsunade." Jiraiya smiled and pulled a chair up to their table to join the three.
"How unfortunate is that." Tsunade sighed then went over to the register to pay her bill.
"My mom doesn't seem to like you very much Master Jiraiya." Mito noticed, "Was she always this way with you?"
Jiraiya wanted to tell her that just a few years ago Tsunade was anything but mean to him. In fact she even admitted that she was falling in love with him. The years seemed to have changed her outlook on many things, especially her feelings towards him. But Jiraiya was determined to find out why. However, revealing all these truths to Tsunade's daughter didn't seem to be appropriate, "That's just how she is with me." Jiraiya said, "We banter back and forth but that doesn't mean that we don't like each other."
"Enough about that Pervy Sage." Naruto chimed in, "What about my training?" He nagged. The boy had little care about anything other than his training. He was still determined to win the bet against Tsunade.
Jiraiya tousled Naruto's hair, "Sorry kid, you have to do this on your own." He said, "I taught you everything you need to know to master the rasengan. You just have to keep working on it."
"You're so lame Pervy Sage!" He complained. Jiraiya always seemed to bail on him when it came to refining his techniques. Little did the boy know however, that Jiraiya was doing him a favor by leaving it up to him to perfect his jutsu instead of holding his hand every step of the way. Soon, perhaps when he's older, Naruto would realize that it would help make him a better ninja.
Tsunade reappeared at the table and was about to take her seat when Mito turned to her with pleading eyes, "Mom can I help Naruto train?" She asked before continuing with her well rehearsed speech, "I know that you made a bet against him and that I should be on your side, but I really just want to help him."
"Mito." Tsunade said, interrupting her daughter's rant, "It's ok, you can go."
Mito looked at her mother shocked beyond words, "What did you say?" She asked, finding it hard to believe that she was actually granted permission to go out without the company of her mother or Shizune.
"I said you can go." Tsunade repeated, "Just be careful and be back before dark."
Mito went over to where her mother was sitting and gave her a big hug followed by a kiss on the cheek, "Thanks mom!" She said happily and went off with Naruto after saying, "I promise I'll be back before dark!"
Tsunade smiled to herself, pleased that for once she could make her daughter happy. She had many insecurities about her parenting, but after seeing her daughter smile she felt that perhaps she was doing the very best she could.
Shizune was happy that Tsunade finally allowed Mito some kind of freedom. However, she didn't forget the anxiety she was feeling over Orochimaru's proposition. She turned to Jiraiya, feeling as if he could somehow help, "Master Jiraiya." She said, earning the attention of the sage whose eyes seemed to be fixated on Tsunade, "Can I speak to you for a second."
"Sure, what's up?" He said, diverting his attention from Tsunade to Shizune.
Shizune didn't want to speak to him in the presence of Tsunade, "I'm going to order some tea." She said as she rose to her feet, "Can you walk with me over there while we talk?" She was trying not to spark any suspicion in Tsunade. So far it appeared to be working for Tsunade didn't seem to be paying much attention to them.
"Okay." Jiraiya said as he got out of his chair, feeling slightly confused. Unlike Tsunade, he could tell that Shizune was trying to speak to him in private, "What did you want to talk to me about that you don't want Tsunade to know?" He asked when they were away from Tsunade.
"Can you spend some time with her?" Shizune asked, "She doesn't listen to me, but I feel like she'll listen to you." She explained. She knew she couldn't tell him about Orochimaru because she would be betraying Tsunade's trust and she had to keep the faith that Tsunade would not do anything unheard of. However, she was still apprehensive on what her mentor would decide.
"Listen to you?" He repeated, "What about?"
"About being the Hokage of course." She lied. Shizune wanted Tsunade to become the Hokage as much as Jiraiya did, but that was second on her list of priorities. But perhaps he could convince her to take on that role in addition to knocking some sense into her.
"You know I would love to spend some time with her, but she won't allow it." Jiraiya said with a hint of sadness evident in his tone, "What happened to her over the years?"
"I told you she's been through a lot." Shizune reminded him, "But if you talk to her, really talk to her then maybe she'll be okay again and remember who she is."
"Okay, I'll give it a shot." Jiraiya said and watched as Shizune exhaled a sigh of relief, "Maybe you should actually order some tea." He reminded Shizune. The last thing they needed was for Tsunade to think they were scheming against her.
"You're right. Thanks for reminding me." Shizune said, suddenly remembering that she was supposed to be getting tea. She then signaled the server and placed her order just before Jiraiya walked off to rejoin Tsunade at the table.
"What were you two talking about?" Tsunade asked when she saw Jiraiya join her at the table.
Thinking on his toes, he made up a lie to prevent Tsunade from becoming suspicious, "She was just asking me if I've been to this town before." He lied, hoping that she wouldn't ask follow up questions.
"Why would she ask that?" Tsunade asked with a confused look on her face.
Jiraiya thought about what to say and remembered that Shizune liked sight seeing so he formulated a lie based on that, "She wants to go sight seeing and was just wondering if I knew any good places."
"She's always had a thing for sight seeing, ever since she was little." Tsuande said, "So what did you tell her?"
"This is my first time in this town." He said, "But I heard about Tanzuku Castle and recommended that to her."
"That doesn't exist anymore." She said and immediately regretted saying it. The last thing she wanted was for Jiraiya to find out that she encountered Orochimaru. She wondered what Shizune said to him when he mentioned the castle. Did she tell him that Orochimaru destroyed it? Did she act as if it were her first time hearing about the castle? She suddenly became so frazzled and feared that one of her secrets was about to come to light.
"What happened to it?" He asked, curious to know how the castle was destroyed.
"I have no idea." She lied, "I just heard someone mention that it was destroyed."
Suddenly, Shizune rejoined the two Sannin with a cup of tea in hand.
"Ready to go sight seeing?" Jiraiya asked her.
Slightly confused, but deciding to go along with it Shizune nodded her head, "Yup, I'm all set."
"Say Tsunade." Jiraiya started, "How about you and I spend the day together."
Tsunade looked at him as if he had gone insane and rolled her eyes, "I'm going back to my room."
"Come on Tsunade don't be like that." He said and pulled her out of her chair, "It'll give us some time to catch up and maybe just maybe you'll have fun."
"I think it's a great idea Lady Tsunade." Shizune chimed in, "It's a much better option than being stuck in the room all day by yourself."
Tsunade looked at Shizune, and then at Jiraiya. She would be lying if she said that she didn't want to spend additional time with him. The truth was that she was trying to avoid him because of the guilt she felt. However, she figured spending a few hours with him couldn't be the worst thing ever, and perhaps it would help prepare her to reveal her truth. She shrugged her shoulders, making it seem as if it weren't a big deal to her, "Fine." She said and pretended not to notice the pure happiness on Jiraiya's face, and chose to ignore the butterflies in her stomach.
Jiraiya and Tsunade found themselves walking side by side through town. It started off somewhat awkward, neither having much to say. Jiraiya found the entire thing to be quite ridiculous for they were acting as if they were perfect strangers. They've known each other for their entire lives, grew up together, faced war together, and almost became a couple. Therefore, it should not be awkward at all. He looked at Tsunade walking beside him and couldn't help but feel as if something was off about her, like there was something she wasn't telling him. He couldn't tell what it was, but he was tasked with bringing her back to the village so one way or another, he would convince her to leave her nomadic lifestyle behind.
They found themselves in a small boutique that sold articles of clothing among other things. Tsunade was browsing through the clothing section and Jiraiya smiled when he saw her looking at a t-shirt with a cartoon frog on it and checking the size. He definitely knew who she was shopping for.
"Thinking about getting that for Mito?" He asked as he moved closer to her.
She nodded her head, "She has a thing for frogs." She told him, "I remember when she was a toddler I took her to a lake. She saw a small frog at the edge of the water and she got so excited. She loved frogs ever since then." She smiled, recalling precious memories of her child, "I got her a stuffed frog toy for her birthday one year."
"She showed it to me." He said, "She carries that thing around with her all the time." He told her, "I think you should get the shirt. I know she'll like it."
"Then I will." Tsunade said before taking the item to the cashier in order to purchase it.
It was amusing for Jiraiya to see Tsunade acting like a mother, talking about her child with a smile on her face, and buying her things she knows she would like. Maybe Tsunade didn't think she was a great parent, but perhaps she wasn't giving herself enough credit.
After she purchased the shirt, they went to a nearby park and sat on one of the benches. The park was basically empty which Tsunade was grateful for. It was the quiet she longed for.
"So I see you took my advice." Jiraiya said.
"What advice?" She asked, not sure what he was talking about.
"When I told you to allow Mito to have more freedom." He reminded her, "You let her go with Naruto."
"I just want her to be happy." Tsunade said in a small voice.
"You don't think she's happy?" He asked, but already had an idea of what the answer would be. For one, he knew that Mito was devastated that she didn't have her father in her life, and secondly Tsuande did not open up to her. Mito didn't appear to be a depressed person, but maybe she was just putting on a brave face for her mother.
"I don't think she is." Tsunade said, feeling like a failure, "She has me as a mother after all."
Jiraiya instinctively put his hand on Tsunade's. It was something he did out of habit when he sensed that she was going through a difficult time, "Don't say that Tsunade." He didn't like to hear her say horrible things about herself. She definitely was an imperfect person, but for her to vocalize such negative things about herself was unacceptable in Jiraiya's mind.
"It's true Jiraiya." She insisted, "All I do is drag her from place to place and keep her locked away from the world."
"Why is that?" He asked, "Why are you so overprotective?"
Surely Jiraiya should have an idea why Tsunade was so protective of her only child. She never spoke about it to anyone, not even to Shizune. But here he was, asking her questions about her child and her parenting style and she felt obligated to share those details with him. He was Mito's father after all, even if he didn't know it yet.
"Nawaki was supposed to stay at home when I was tending to the wounded at the hospital." She started, feeling vulnerable as she walked down memory lane, "He snuck out and joined the war and we know what happened when he did. Dan was fighting his own battle and I was doing the same. I had my back to him and when I turned around, he was holding onto his wound, bleeding out before my eyes." Her voice was starting to crack as she spoke about her traumatic past, "I couldn't help them. I keep Mito safe indoors or by my side at all times because I need to make sure that she's alright. She's my reason for living and if something were to happen to her because I failed to keep her safe, I wouldn't be able to survive it." She explained, "But she's getting older, and the tight hold I have on her is starting to weaken and that freaks me out."
It all made sense to Jiraiya now that Tsunade explained her reasons for being so protective of Mito. She was a woman who endured many traumatic losses in her life, all of which she was unable to prevent. Of course she would want to keep a close eye on her daughter to ensure that no harm come to her. However, what Tsunade was forgetting was the harsh but very real fact that even if she confines her daughter to the safety of indoors, or keeps her by her side at all times, danger may still come her way. It seemed as if Tsunade was living her life in fear of what could be and was forcing that way of living on her daughter. It was no wonder why their relationship was strained.
"I know you're scared Tsunade, but you can't live that way and you can't expect Mito to either." Jiraiya said, feeling sympathy for her, "Clearly you haven't recovered from the deaths of those close to you. However, you have to try. I'm not downplaying the pain you must feel, but to move forward you have to let go."
Everything Jiraiya was saying to her was correct. It has been years since the passing of Nawaki and Dan, so she should be able to move on with her life. He made it seem like it was so easy and maybe she could do it, but was she ready to leave them in the past?
"It's not that simple." Tsunade told him and removed her hand from under his.
"I'm not saying that it is." He said, "Just take one step at a time. Start by returning to the village and becoming the Hokage."
Was he serious? He was trying to make it seem like taking up the Hokage title wasn't a major step, especially for her, someone who hasn't resided in the Leaf Village for years. How could he possibly think that she was capable of effectively running a village and protecting everyone in it?
"You're still trying to get me to be the Hokage." She said and looked at him with an annoyed expression on her face, "I told you once and I'm not going to tell you again. I don't want the job." She rose to her feet, "Just go back to the village and leave me alone."
"Why don't you think you can do it?" He asked, not really expecting her to answer him, "Why can't you believe in yourself the way I believe in you?"
"I'm not what they need!" She said, raising her voice, "I can't fill Sarutobi Sensei's shoes, not with the way I am now!" She yelled and started to walk away from him.
"What happened to you Tsunade?" He asked, "You're not acting like the woman I fell in love with."
She stopped dead in her tracks when he said those words to her. A part of her wanted to melt into his arms upon hearing his declarations of love, but how could she? There was no way he could possibly still love her. She started to walk back towards him, but it wouldn't be to embrace him.
"You don't love me." She told him.
He shook his head, clearly not agreeing with her statement, "Yes I do. I always have and always will."
"You can't love me."
"Why not?"
She took a deep breath, trying so hard not to become overwhelmed with emotion, "Because I'm a mess, and once you find out just how messed up I am you won't love me. In fact you'll hate me."
He cautiously pressed his palm against her cheek and said, "There's no way I could ever hate you."
She shook her head, "Are you sure about that?" She asked before turning away from him and walking in the opposite direction. She could have stood there and told him the secret that she has been concealing for twelve years, but cowardice took over. Her mind was telling her that she had to reveal the truth, but she was too afraid to watch his love for her turn into hatred. She was disappointed in herself and wished that she could right her wrongs. However, what she had to accept was that whenever she decided to tell Jiraiya her secret, she would face the high possibility of him resenting her. She could hardly blame him if it came down to that. Because of her, he missed out on everything. He missed the moment their daughter came into the world, her first steps, her first words, everything. In addition, Mito viewed him as simply her mother's old friend instead of who he truly is. It was all her fault.
As she was walking home, the guilt she was feeling was gnawing away at her so much that she found herself in a tavern. She tried to limit her drinking escapades ever since she had Mito, but in that moment she just needed something to make her forget her troubles. She sat at the bar and ordered a bottle of sake. She consumed some salted nuts as she waited for her drink of choice and took notice of the other patrons in the tavern. Almost all of them were intoxicated or on the verge of becoming drunk. She figured that in a few moments she would join them in drunken bliss.
The bartender handed her the bottle of sake and a shot glass. Instead of pouring out her drink, she abandoned the glass entirely and drank straight from the bottle. She had little care about keeping up lady like appearances. She just wanted to drink away all the secrets, the guilt, the bets, the bargains, the pain. She felt as if her world was spiraling out of control and she was powerless to stop it. She wanted to disappear from it all, but quickly realized that she could not escape her reality. No matter what she did, she still withheld important information from Jiraiya and even to Mito. She couldn't run away from that truth. Secondly, the pressure of becoming Hokage was weighing heavily on her shoulders. Her reluctance to take on the job was due to her insecurities and the drama she had in her life. However, could she walk away from a role that her relations basically passed down to her? Furthermore, in a few days Orochimaru would expect an answer from her. Wether she wanted it or not, he would show up and it was bound to be an unpleasant experience when he does. How did her nomadic existence become so interrupted so quickly?
Soon her one bottle of sake became three. After finishing the liquor inside the third, her cheeks became a bright shade of pink, her speech started to slur, her reflexes slowed, and her eyes were halfway closed. She was so drunk that she wasn't aware of her surroundings or even her actions. After a few moments of drunken conversations with other random intoxicated people, she found herself stumbling out of the bar. She had no idea what direction she was going in, but soon became too dizzy to stand, tripped over nothing and soon found herself slumped against a wall in the middle of town. To make matters worse, it started to rain heavily. She had no perception of time, but it was more than likely late at night. She just sat there, lost in the rain and suddenly her emotions got the better of her. Salty tears streamed down her face and mixed with the rain pelting her body. She thought of how pitiful it was for one of the legendary Sannin to be drunk crying in the rain all by her lonesome. How did her life amount to that?
To her shock and confusion, Jiraiya appeared in front of her and shaded her with an umbrella. He was holding the bag that contained the shirt she bought for Mito earlier. She must have forgotten it on the park bench. She had no idea how he found her there or what he was doing out in the rain himself, but in her moment of helplessness it was comforting to see a familiar face.
"Tsunade." He said as he looked at her tearful eyes. The sadness he felt for her in that moment was tremendous and all he wanted to do was to help her.
"Don't help me." She said in a small voice, "Just leave me, I don't deserve your help." She cried. How could she possibly expect him to help her when she was keeping such a life changing secret from him? She didn't want him to feel sorry for her or even offer her a helping hand. She just wanted him to leave her there, soaked to the bone, and all alone.
"Take my hand." He said as he held his hand out to her, "I don't know why you feel as if you're unworthy of my help among other things, but I refuse to leave you out here in the rain." He told her, "You're drunk, you don't even know where you are. Wether you want me to or not, I'm taking you home."
Reluctantly, she took hold of his hand. He pulled her to her feet, and wrapped his arm around her waist to steady her. Together, they made their way back to the inn. She was wobbly on her feet and couldn't exactly recall how long it took them to make it to the building, but Jiraiya was with her every step of the way and made sure that she didn't fall or come undone in his company.
They approached Tsunade's room and before knocking on the door, he looked over to see that Tsunade had her head resting against his shoulder. She was half asleep and didn't seem to be aware that they were back at the inn. He only hoped that Mito was asleep in bed. He figured that Tsunade would not want her daughter to see her in that condition. However, that wasn't the case for when Jiraiya knocked on the door, it was both Shizune and Mito who answered. They both had worried looks plastered on their faces, but when their eyes landed on Tsunade, Shizune didn't seem to be too shocked, while Mito looked almost frightened at her mother's state.
"What happened to her?" Mito asked and approached Tsunade, "We were worried sick."
"Mito, why don't you go pick out some dry clothes for your mom." Shizune instructed in order to keep the younger girl busy.
Mito didn't seem to want to leave her mother's side but did as she was told nevertheless. When she was busy doing the task she was given, Shizune helped Jiraiya carry Tsunade over to her bed and placed the shopping bag beside her.
"This feels awfully familiar." Shizune pointed out, remembering many years ago when Jiraiya brought a drunk Tsunade home after one of their drinking sessions. That was when Jiraiya encountered Tsunade after not seeing her for quite some time, "I wanted you to spend some time with her, but not like this."
Jiraiya shook his head, "I didn't go drinking with her." He assured the raven haired woman, "She must have gone to the bar after she got mad and walked away from me." He said, "I was walking around town when I saw her slumped against a wall in the rain."
"Why did she get mad at you?" Shizune asked, trying to keep her voice down so that Mito wouldn't overhear the conversation.
Jiraiya wondered the same thing but figured it had something to do with what he said to her, "I told her I loved her."
Shizune looked at him with wide eyes and was about to say something when Mito came back with the clothes for Tsunade.
"Can someone tell me what's going on?" Mito asked, placing the clothes on the bed and sitting beside her mother's sleeping form.
Shizune didn't know what to say. She didn't want to tell Mito that her mother went out and got so drunk she collapsed in the rain in the middle of the street. But what else could she say that could sugar coat the situation?
Jiraiya spoke up, "Your mother and I were walking around town, catching up on old times." He started, "I guess we lost track of time then it started to rain. Don't worry, she's just tired."
Mito exhaled a sigh of relief after hearing Jiraiya's explanation. She then tugged at her mother's upper arm in order to wake her. When Tsunade's eyes fluttered open Mito said, "Come on mom, we got to get you out of those wet clothes."
Tsunade grumbled but sat up in the bed. Her eyes locked onto Jiraiya's and when they did, she quickly looked away from him. Realizing that there was nothing more he could do, he started towards the door.
"I'll see you guys tomorrow." He said before walking out of the room. He was even more confused about what was going on with Tsunade than he was before.
He started to walk down the hall to his room when he heard someone running up behind him. When he turned around, he saw Mito running towards him. When she was close enough, she wrapped her arms around his body in a tight hug. At first he was confused, but when the initial shock wore off, he hugged her back. The hug lasted a few moments and when they broke apart she looked at him.
"I'm not a little kid." She started, "I know my mom is drunk." She said, "Even so, thank you for taking care of her Master Jiraiya."
He should have known that he couldn't lie to her. Mito was smart and very mature for her age and could not be fooled easily. That was something she probably got from her mother. He smiled at her, "Anytime."
"Goodnight Master Jiraiya." She said and went back to her room.
One way or another, he vowed to himself that he would convince Tsunade to take up her rightful position as Hokage. He wanted her back in the village, and he wanted Mito to have a place to truly call home. He didn't know how, or what it would take, but he would make it happen.