Chapter 36
I have tried to avoid using Romanized dates and months, but since Chinese, Korean and Japanese all use numerical months, the dates can be a little bit confusing. So, for the sake of easing my mind, I have decided to use the Roman way of dating. (January, February, Monday, Tuesday).
Zuko
Lu Ten laughed aloud as Zuko watched Smellerbee disappear with the letter. "So, tell me what happened between you and Katara?"
Zuko huffed in frustration, staring out the window of the library. "I still don't understand why you made me send that letter to her." He ran a hand through his dark shaggy hair. "I didn't even write it! You did. I mean, I walk in here expecting to hear about this morning, and then I happen to let slip that Katara's mad at me and then the first thing you do is write her a letter saying I'm a total idiot. Now I have to think of a surprise."
"You are a total idiot." The Crown Prince laughed even louder, leaning back in his chair and squeezing his eyes shut. If he started crying, Zuko would punch him.
"I'm a what?"
Lu Ten calmed down, fighting to breathe, the absolute glee in his cousin's eyes only made Zuko scowl more. "Oh don't get me wrong, Zuko." Lu Ten said, voice returning to normal. "You're a very smart kid. It's just that…when it comes to women…you have no idea how to keep them hooked."
"Keep them hooked?" Zuko asked incredulously. "What do you mean use women? Katara's not—,"
But Lu Ten held up a hand to stop him. "I don't mean in that way. I to mean get what you want without really trying."
"I don't think Katara can be…manipulated like that." Zuko narrowed his eyes at his cousin's nonchalant way of talking about women. "Katara's not that kind of girl. Trust me. I tried."
"You tried?" Lu Ten looked at Zuko incredulously, raised eyebrows and all. "You, my innocent Zuko, tried to get Katara to sleep with you?"
Zuko frowned. "It's not like I planned it…It sort of just…happened." He closed his eyes, remembering how it felt to feel Katara's skin on his. "But she completely freaked out, and the only thing running through my head was that 'she just pushed me away!'"
Lu Ten chuckled lightly, closing the book and laying it on the table. "I have to admit, that I've never met a girl who pushed me away."
Zuko sighed, eyes flashing in annoyance. "And now here I'm talking to you."
Lu Ten leaned forward, a knowing look in his eyes. "All you have to do, is learn the game until you play it better than everyone else can. Everyone has something they want, women most of all, Zuko." Lu Ten said matter-of-factly, which only caused Zuko to roll his eyes. "Every woman has something they want more than others…and a…trigger, if you want to call it. Something that they react to more than anyone else…and if you find it…" He let the rest of his sentence continue unspoken.
"Did that work with Yue?" Zuko asked pointedly "Did that work with Song? Did that work with every woman you've been with?"
"My reputation?" He grinned, as though the answer was obvious.
"Don't you feel even a little bit…bad about that?" Zuko asked, genuinely curious. "I know Song says she doesn't mind if you have concubines, but what if one of them gets pregnant before her? What will you tell her then?"
"That won't happen." Lu Ten said, wiggling his eyebrows playfully. "I'm always careful. Besides, I will just have to help Song get pregnant then. It's quite simple. I've promised her that she will be my wife and she will be."
The 17-year-old's mouth formed a hard line. "Do you even love her at all? Did you love…any of them?"
"I love Song." Lu Ten said quickly, not meeting Zuko's eyes. So quickly, that Zuko was skeptical about the whole matter. "There is one thing you have to realize…Katara's not like Mai, or like Song." Lu Ten pointed out, and at Zuko's smug look, he said. "T-That doesn't mean that she can't be manipulated, just like anyone else. But…she won't respond to the same thing."
"Funny." Zuko chuckled humorlessly. "She said the same thing."
'So this will be Katara's manipulation." Zuko opened his mouth to say something, but Lu Ten held up a finger to stop him. "Hear me out for a second. You've been treating her like how you would anyone else."
"I don't treat her like Mai!" Zuko protested in indignation.
Lu Ten ignored him, chuckling, seeming to be lost in a memory. "Katara's always had a lot of fire in her…from the very beginning…" Lu Ten focused again as he thought of an idea. "When did she first get upset with you?"
"Back at the South pole?" Zuko shrugged. "I wore the cloak she'd made for Hahn without really thinking about it, which went against her traditions or something."
"Then perhaps you should pay attention." Lu Ten said, sounding more and more like Uncle Iroh with each breath. Zuko let out a rough sigh at his cousin's words. "She's grown up in an entirely different world than us. With different rules and customs"
"What am I supposed to do?"
"Try to understand them, and her. It wouldn't kill you to learn about Water Tribe wedding practices, and maybe implement them. Of course, you could talk about it with her first. When is her birthday?"
"Tomorrow!" Zuko exclaimed, how could he have forgotten? Oh, what was he going to get her? He stood.
"Remember Zuko," Lu Ten said, calling out to Zuko before he left the room. Zuko turned to face his cousin. "Katara is an entirely different sort than the common Fire Nation woman. I mean, isn't that a good thing? Isn't that what made you fall in love with her in the first place?"
"I—," Zuko started to say, and then stopped, offering his cousin a quizzical grin. "When did you become so intuitive?"
"Perspective. Compared to you, I'm doing fine." Lu Ten shrugged, grinning at Zuko with glinting golden eyes. "Besides, you pick up a few things on the battlefield."
"And how to understand women is one of them?"
"No, my dear cousin. Men have been trying to understand women for thousands of years." Lu Ten chuckled, clapping Zuko on the shoulder much like he'd done when Zuko was little. And Zuko smiled back, because it felt like his cousin was his cousin again. Not a rival. "And we haven't succeeded yet."
Ursa
She re-adjusted her robes, taking careful pains with the heavy golden clasp of the mantle she wore on her shoulders. Sighing, she reached up to fix her topknot, which had come undone, although it wasn't necessarily her fault. She turned to look at him, still lounging on his bed, watching her get ready for dinner. There was a great interest in Ozai's golden eyes that she hadn't seen in a very long time. Now that Tiang had been imprisoned, did he—
Ursa sat opposite Ozai's mirror, something she hadn't done for a long while. Gone were her own make-up containers, and the dressing table was practically bare. So she could only wipe away the smudged make up and attempt to fix the remainder. Yet…as normal as it was to prepare herself for dinner…it felt…strange. It was strange, being in Ozai's room again.
She was going through the same motions, brushing her hair, fixing her clothes…but she wasn't the same woman she was the last time she was in this room. Even so…it felt as though she was sent back in time. Everything still looked the same, the same blood-red flooring, the same mahogany bed, the same Ozai that she gazed at in the mirror. She shot him a look.
"Do you enjoy doing that?" She asked, amusement in her voice and a smile on her lips. The way Ozai was looking at her…it was just like how things used to be, and…she felt the same way. It was as though she were a young woman of 21…
Back then, she and Ozai were unable to keep their hands off each other for very long. It had been two months of pure, uncontrolled lust. And she'd become pregnant with Zuko, not long after that. Her cheeks reddened at the memories, although she would be considered in many circles, far too old to be blushing at such thoughts.
Ozai quirked an inquisitive eyebrow at her, chuckled, and then shrugged as well as he could. "Haven't I always loved to watch you do the little things?" He sat up, swinging his feet off the bed, and stood, somehow having managed to keep all of his clothes on during their…activities. He looked perfect and put-together. As always. "Watching you put on make-up, fix your hair…it's absolutely fascinating."
Did you ever watch Tiang like this? She desperately wanted to know but was hesitant to ask.
He walked over to her, placing strong hands on her shoulders. She hummed happily, liking the way this felt. It had been so long…entirely too long. He bet down to kiss her quickly on the cheek, but then decided that it wasn't enough. His finger gently tilted her chin towards him, so he could kiss her lips, while the other reached in front to unclasp the golden catch at the front of her dress but she swatted him away gently.
"Stop that," She said smiling. "If you keep doing that, I'll never get dressed."
His reflection in the mirror only grinned at her, and she knew that everything was all right. She just did. He kissed her anyway, whispering against her lips, fingers running lightly down her neck. "I wouldn't be opposed to you never getting dressed…"
Only she could control him like this. And she wondered if that's why he went to Tiang all those years ago. Because he knew, that she knew, her hold over him. And he was afraid of losing that power. And yet she still loved him. He backed away, but still hovered next to her, watching her calmly.
The heart wants what it wants…but sometimes what it wants is twisted.
"I know you wouldn't be." She said, putting her earrings in. First the left, and then the right. The golden orbs dangled near her shoulders. Looking at her husband's reflection in the mirror, she sighed pointedly.
He caught onto her look immediately. If Ozai wasn't so willing to bend the rules to achieve a goal, they would otherwise work well together, something she'd forgotten. But still, he acquiesced with a sigh, and began to speak, "I approve of them." He said simply.
Ursa grabbed his hand, startled. "You what?"
He shrugged. "I approve, as unlikely as that may seem to you." Ozai's reflection smirked at her. "Zuko and Princess Katara, Azula and…" He trailed off suddenly, looking at her unsurely.
"…Jet" She finished for him. Ursa stood, checking the red gown in the polished stone. She felt…happy. And her face displayed her exuberance. She would need no makeup now…she was practically glowing.
His reflection's dark eyebrows furrowed, and she turned to face him. "Is that really the boy's name?" He took her hand. "How unfortunate."
"Ozai… Azula likes him well enough" She chided. But then paused, as another thought came into her mind. She stared at her husband as she spoke, reading his expression through experienced eyes. "Exactly…why do you accept this relationship? What happened to the man who said that all emotions were weaknesses in disguise?"
Ozai nodded, a smile playing at his lips. Gently, he lifted Ursa's hands to his lips and kissed them gently, and Ursa felt a tingle in her toes travel all the way through her body. She was acting too much like a teenager. She had to focus. She was letting him get to her head, but she had to find out what Ozai meant.
Ozai murmured his reply, his breath tickling the skin on the backs of her hands. "You remember my words well."
She scoffed playfully. "How could I not? You said them every day of our marriage. You engrained them into Zuko's head…fortunately I cured him of that." Ozai stiffened for a moment, before straightening. Ursa waved her hands, "Azula, however…"
"Clearly Azula has ignored me as well." He replied, turning around. But his voice only held a slight twinge of anger. But for Ozai, a little bit of emotion, said a lot.
"And this displeases you?" She asked, coming around to the other side of him. Immediately, he turned his face the other way. But she caught his arm, and he tentatively turned towards her, his eyes guarded, and the little bit of emotion that had been allowed to slip through was gone. She squeezed his arm. "Don't hide from me, Ozai. I've known you too long for that."
"You know nothing, Ursa." He said, sitting down on his bed, and she stood in front of it, agreeing with him.
"You're right." She nodded. Ozai looked up at her, reading her expression just as easily as she was reading his. "I know nothing. I know nothing about what you feel, I know nothing about what you think." But this was a lie. She did know him…and he knew it.
"You've always been able to read me, Ursa." He said quietly. "Why do you pester me?"
"Because the only thing that I do know, is that our son, and your daughter have found love in the most unlikely of places. With the most unlikely of people, I might add. And you approve of it. I want to know why. I want to know why you've gone back on your word."
He gave her a wry look, covered in sarcasm. "Is it so hard to believe that a man of my emotional boundaries can have a change of heart?"
"It's impossible to believe." She said quietly.
"Come here…sit." He said quietly and motioned for her to sit on the covers with him. He held her hand in his. "It is true that I have said that emotions are weakness…but love, whether it be maternal, fraternal or romantic…" He looked into her eyes then, and Ursa felt her heart fluttering. "Love is the strongest source of power."
"So back then?"
"Zuko wasn't strong enough to be what I needed him to be."
Ursa's heart began to beat faster. Ozai what are you planning!?
"But now—," Ursa
Ozai shrugged. "But now, Zuko is…well…stronger. I will never claim that he has reached my expectations, but he has surprised me."
Ursa almost couldn't believe what he was saying. "Ozai…Zuko surprised you?"
"Zuko singlehandedly devised a plan…" Here he stared at her, reading her face. What he was searching for, she couldn't say. But whatever it was, he must have found it because the words he said next chilled her. "…a plan to crush my rebellion. All due to that Water Tribe Princess."
Ursa tried to process what she just heard. The rebellion…was under Ozai's leadership? Had Ozai really stayed behind, hidden by the shadows while Zhao did his dirty work…and then when Ozai was finished with him…left Zhao to take the blame? She looked up, and into Ozai's eyes, unsure how to feel about this. Her husband, had directly threatened Iroh's reign. This was a treasonous act…but by working through Zhao's underlings…no one could pin the blame on him.
She fought to not pull away from him. No one could accuse him of abducting Princess Katara as well. He'd done it after all…in the name of the law, as head of the Royal Guard.
"The rebellion was…your idea? Yours?" She tried to sound normal, but her voice came out as a choked whisper. "H-How…?" She wanted to ask but was afraid of the answer.
He was calm, despite her nerves. She didn't know how he could be so calm about confessing his plan to her. Why was he confessing in the first place? What was that going to prove.
He looked at her with steady eyes. "I'm not going to wait for my crown any longer."
"You—," She started to say, but then caught his eye and the smirk on his lips. Her brow furrowed, as she tried to piece together her thoughts. "Lu Ten crushed the rebellion, Ozai. Shouldn't you be more…upset?"
He shrugged nonchalantly. "Why should I be? No one can accuse me without sufficient evidence. Zhao knows what price he paid for failure." A smug glint came to his dark eyes and Ursa shuddered. That was Ozai's most dangerous look of all. "It wasn't a total loss, after all. Our son proved more than worthy to be my Crown Prince. I never would have had Zhao openly rebel if not for Zuko."
"What do you mean 'if not for Zuko'?" She asked directly.
Ozai sighed, as though expecting her to understand faster than this. Ursa narrowed her eyes. She didn't know if she should run and tell Yun Xi, or Iroh, or Lu Ten…but…she had no concrete evidence. None. And Ozai knew it. He'd played his game…and played it well.
"It started the day he and Katara came back from…wherever they were." He didn't meet her eyes then…and she suspected that there were things that he still wasn't telling her. "I'd heard they'd been gone all day, and I wanted to see how devoted he was."
"Did Zuko rise to the challenge?" She whispered.
Ozai nodded. "He did. And then…after her arrest…he not only defended her again but focused on what he considered to be more important matters."
"Such as your rebellion?" She asked hollowly.
"Of course." Ozai grinned wickedly at her. "Zuko never would have stood up to me if not in defense of Katara. And what's more…he was able to separate his emotions from what needed to be done. That…impressed me."
She tried to keep her voice under control, but there was a ball of lead in her stomach, and she felt close to tears. "So, you're saying that…this entire rebellion, Katara's arrest, that farce of a trial…was just to test Zuko?"
How could Ozai have done this? No…how could she not have seen this coming? All the signs were there, she just couldn't…she just couldn't believe that he'd done something like this so quickly. For anyone else, this would have taken months of planning. But for Ozai…such things were as easy as breathing. Ursa didn't know whether to cry, or to run and tell someone, or to pull away from Ozai and never look back. And she knew he felt her indecisiveness and took her hand, bringing it up to his lips to kiss it softly.
"And it worked." He murmured, voice breathy against her skin. A shiver went down her spine at the touch of Ozai. He was a dangerous man, but at the same time…she couldn't resist. Reaching up, his thumb wiped away her tears, but they just kept falling. "I have seen what I needed to see."
Ursa took a deep breath. "Then why don't you look into restoring Zuko's bending? It's been a year since anyone's tried—,""
"What good would it do?" Ozai said pointedly. "He is years behind in his bending forms. And firebending is not something that Katara could help him with. Not unless we want him to be a weakling...not when he's come this far. He's surprised me, but he is not the son I require, not yet."
"Azula has probably also surprised you." Ursa said quietly, she didn't like the thought of usurping the throne. "I couldn't have predicted it."
To her surprise, Ozai nodded as well. "Nor did I." He admitted.
"Then why did you—," She began again.
He waved a hand flippantly, dismissing her concern. Ursa stared, taken aback. "It served my interest at the time." He kissed her temple. "Perhaps…Princess Katara's…abilities…will be more beneficial than Mai's money."
"You mean her—bloodbending?" She asked him with a shiver. "Do you really believe that?"
"Would I have said it if I didn't?" He said and leaned forward to pick up her slippers off of the floor.
Ursa thought for a moment. "No, I suppose you wouldn't. And Azula and Jet?" Ursa prodded, willing to see how much he truly had changed.
Here Ozai stiffened. "He is a peasant. He is not the person I would have originally wanted my daughter, a princess of the Fire Nation, to marry."
Ursa leaned closer. He gestured for her to turn to him, and she did, lifting her legs up onto the bed. "There's a however in there somewhere, isn't there?"
Ozai chuckled. "Yes there is a however… The boy is no longer poor. He is quite rich, thanks to our dear sister-in-law. His wealth now may even rival Mai's family."
"And you knew this? Back at the trial?" Ursa inquired. "Is that why?"
He nodded, smirking at her. "Yun Xi discussed the amount with me, as Lu Ten wasn't around. Not that it will matter soon enough." Ozai chuckled darkly. "The boy is no pauper. He can be molded, or he will break. Money changes those. No matter how much he disdains the royal family, we gave him the fortune that he calls his own."
"But suppose the boy wants to leave, and he asks Azula to come with him?"
Here, Ozai stiffened, his eyes darkened, he was clearly insulted. "Azula wouldn't do that. She knows where her duty lies. She belongs to me."
She didn't know what to make of that. "And Zuko?"
It was so difficult to form a coherent thought when he ran his fingers over her ankle, slipping the first shoe on soundlessly, and then its twin, only the slight whisper of fabric running over skin marred the quiet moment. The entire time he did it, Ursa tensed, her arms and legs became stiff. She had forgotten that, only moments earlier, his hands had brushed against her ankle and more…and it had felt so good.
"Relax…" Ozai whispered with a chuckle. And her breath steadied. "You're so intent on getting dressed, I must acquiesce. I won't do anything." After a moment, he straightened, and cleared his throat. "I rather like the idea of the Water Tribe's loyalty...and their Naval forces. And Zuko can always take Mai as a concubine if I so choose."
"You would force him?" She asked.
"If that is what the situation required." The silencing look he gave her…made it undoubtedly clear that Ozai would have Zuko do whatever he wanted, to achieve Ozai's goal. And Ursa again, couldn't help but feel betrayed, though she'd known…somewhere deep inside that it would come to this.
Did the man she love betray her? Did she betray herself by loving him in the first place?
She knew that she would keep silent. She had no choice. She kept silent years ago, when he'd first wanted to kill Lu Ten…what was the difference now?
The difference was…now…he wanted to act on those feelings.
But Ursa, despite loving her brother-in-law and sister-in-law, knew that she wouldn't give Ozai away. She was as a part of this as she was ever going to get. By confiding in her, but trusting her, that held more significance and love that Ozai had ever shown her. She couldn't let him die. And now that she knew…she could easily be framed as conspiring with him. And if he loved her…then he wouldn't leave her.
As Ozai kissed her, and she felt his aura wash over her, dark, manipulative, dangerous, controlling, she concluded that Ozai was right.
Love was a source of great power. Especially when that love was motivated…by fear.
Zuko
Hours later, Zuko and Lu Ten sat in silence, while Zuko read Lu Ten's account of the rebellion, and the efforts taken to put it down. Zuko read intently, committing every fact to memory, surprised at how efficient the soldiers were, he only looked up from his scroll out the window to admire the fading sunlight. The golden sunset of the Fire Nation, had not yet faded into purple, and instead painted the room in a dark yellow light.
"Is this everything, then?" Zuko asked him, gesturing to the scroll.
Lu Ten nodded, and Zuko frowned. Lu Ten's single account of the battle and its aftermath took up l half of the page. It was artistically written, detailing the armor and the weaponry, and the rough estimate of the number of rebels. But what was most striking of all, was how Lu Ten was featured in almost every military action. He was leading the charge, he was the one who captured Shin, and he was the one who devised the strategy.
According to Lu Ten, there were about a hundred rebels, who all wore outdated Fire Nation armor, and standard military weaponry…but most of the letter consisted of plenty of praise for the Crown Prince, and not much of anything else. Where would they get military provisions? Who would have given it to them at great personal risk? Lu Ten had made no note of this, or of his suspicions about the matter.
What mattered more was that Lu Ten and his soldiers were outnumbered 150 rebels to 20 of the Fire Nation's most elite soldiers. That was a huge difference. As much as Zuko cared for his cousin, he found it hard to believe that Lu Ten could actually devise a strategy that would ensure victory without a single loss of life. There were no casualties of the battle, which also surprised Zuko. With the difference in force size, there should have been some loss on either side…some injury. If only to supplement the fact that Lu Ten was still a novice at commanding an army.
But there wasn't. In fact, the entire rebellion faded into the background much too easily for Zuko's liking. Lu Ten was the lone figure, who stood out and achieved glory.
Now that Zhao was caught, it wouldn't be too difficult to have him confess, because the real thing that Zuko wanted was to find out why…why did Zhao waste the effort of putting together a militia and starting a rebellion? Did Tiang order him to do it? Was it his father, Ozai, perhaps?
So many questions needed to be answered, and yet…every answer led him to more questions.
Lu Ten looked up from his own scroll and nodded. "That's everything." He looked out the window and then back to Zuko, but he kept his eyes averted, not meeting Zuko's gaze. "Everything you need is right there, Zuko."
Zuko raised an eyebrow, silently questioning his cousin. Lu Ten wouldn't look him in the eye. He was hiding something.
"You're positive?" The teenager asked, folding the scroll up and putting it on the table. "Because this doesn't tell me much."
Lu Ten grunted, clearly insulted. "Was there something else you were hoping for?"
"I actually have a list of things that I noticed went unmentioned in your report." He motioned to the sheet of parchment and the brush and ink set next to it that he kept for writing all his questions as he read.
Lu Ten's eyes widened, startled before narrowing them and focusing on Zuko. "Does it really matter?" His cousin asked, and Zuko couldn't believe the flippant way Lu Ten was behaving.
Zuko's eyebrows creased in disbelief. "Yes, it matters."
"Fine," Lu Ten sighed, leaning back in the chair, the picture of ease. "Have at it, then."
Zuko leaned forward, resting his arms on his thighs. "Well for starters, there's no detail of strategy used by either of you. Who attacked first, the Elite Guard or the rebellion?"
"We did." Lu Ten said quickly. Too quickly.
Zuko's questions came one right after the other, having accumulated while he was reading. "Where were you hiding? Were you spotted?"
"We hid amongst the trees, and no we weren't spotted."
"What fighting style did the rebels use?"
"You honestly expect me to remember that?" Lu Ten scoffed. "There was so much going on. I had other things on my mind obviously."
Zuko's mouth opened in disbelief. "Yes, I expect you to remember. You're going to be Fire Lord, Lu Ten, you have to notice the details."
"Honestly, Zuko." Lu Ten forced out through clenched teeth. "I don't need you to tell me how to be Fire Lord. I don't need you to tell me the responsibilities this entails."
The more questions he asked, the more edgy Lu Ten became. The 23-year-old had always been the picture of ease, and yet…seeing him like this was…strange. Beads of sweat appeared on Lu Ten's forehead, and the answers he gave were falling apart one by one. Lu Ten took longer to answer, and his responses only seemed to contradict one another the more he talked. And it was no wonder. The way the report was written, it seemed as though the skirmish lasted for mere minutes…instead of hours. And Lu Ten had to have seen more than just the rebels that he was fighting.
"Why is your report the only one available? And why are you the focus of nearly every line?" Zuko asked, full of suspicion. Lu Ten turned away from him, and then Zuko knew. He picked up Lu Ten's report, waving it in front of his cousin's face. "This is all a lie, isn't it?"
"It's not all a lie, Zuko. The rebellion really was that easily crushed."
Zuko sighed, dropping the scroll on the table. "You're going to be Fire Lord, and you're embellishing to this extent? Lu Ten—," His cousin looked away from him. "But you're going to give this to your mother?" Zuko asked quietly, disappointment coloring his tone as Lu Ten's eyes snapped back to his.
From there, it became a battle of wills. Lu Ten knew he was wrong, and Zuko had to help him see that making himself sound like a great General wasn't going to help anyone in the long run, least of all himself. Lu Ten was silent for a moment.
"I didn't do anything, okay?" Lu Ten finally admitted.
His face turned a sickly shade of green, and he turned away from Zuko and crumpled, his head falling into his hands. The Lu Ten in front of his eyes wasn't the one that he'd always known, the one he'd always looked up to. This Lu Ten wasn't the proud Crown Prince that had left early this morning. This Lu Ten was a man who, up until today, had no idea what being a true leader entailed. The ability to inspire, and lead, rather than blindly order people around was a trait that took some people years to learn. And it was this pressure, that cause Lu Ten to look so ill.
"You didn't do…" Zuko whispered, unable to comprehend this. "What happened?"
"It wasn't supposed to be this way…" Lu Ten said, his voice was broken, his golden eyes had lost their glow. "But seeing all of them…waiting for my orders…I-I didn't know what I was supposed to do with all of them. It was so much pressure. I had half a mind to just run back to the palace. So then…I…I just stood there—like a fool—until Lieutenant Jee took over."
"It was Jee who pulled off the mission?" Zuko stated, and Lu Ten nodded. "It was Jee who captured them all successfully?"
"He executed it…superbly." Lu Ten said bitterly. He had a far-away look in his eyes as though he was reliving it.
"Then the report?"
"The report is mine and mine alone." Lu Ten said harshly, glaring at Zuko with tired eyes. "I have a copy of Jee's report hidden in my room. Zuko you're not going to get it are you?" Lu Ten asked, clutching Zuko's arm as he started to rise out of his chair.
"So you would rather give this to your mother? This lie?" Zuko asked, staring at the rolled-up parchment with contempt. He attempted to pull his arm out of Lu Ten's grasp.
"I have no choice!" Lu Ten all but yelled, startling the teenage prince.
He pulled at Zuko's arm violently, and Zuko lurched forward. The inkwell spilled, breaking on the red tiled floor, the brush paper and parchment rolled onto the floor with a loud clatter as the table nearly toppled over. The Crown Prince's eyes were red, and Zuko could imagine the amount of guilt burning in his cousin's chest. But still he clutched Zuko's arm, pulling his younger cousin back into the chair.
"Lu Ten what are you—,"
"Zuko please," Lu Ten began, and Zuko's mouth opened in shock. Lu Ten never said please. "Please, you have to help me keep this secret. My mother must never know of the truth!" Lu Ten's face looked terror stricken, and Zuko realized he must have spent the entire time after the battle agonizing over this. "With my father's…condition— I can't even say the words—my mother has enough to worry about. She doesn't need me being an absolute failure on top of it."
"Lu Ten…your mother won't think any less of you if—," Zuko tried to reason.
"Yes, she will!" Lu Ten stood, and the chair behind him fell to the floor, and Zuko jumped back, startled. "She's already upset because you've shown that you deserve the Crown Prince position more than I do."
"I don't want the position, Lu Ten." Zuko muttered. "You can have it."
"But it doesn't matter what I want does it?" The Crown Prince threw his hands in the air in exasperation, turning his back to Zuko. There was a sheen of sweat matting his hair to the nape of his neck. "I never asked to be Crown Prince. I don't want to be Fire Lord. But that's all she ever wants for me!"
Lu Ten turned to him now, and Zuko was shocked to see that his cousin, his strong cousin Lu Ten was crying. His face was red and blotchy, and his forehead sweaty, and he looked nothing like the perfect image that Zuko had seen all his life.
What was Zuko supposed to say?
I'm sorry was the first thing that came to his mind, but was 'I'm sorry' truly warranted? What did Zuko have to be sorry for anyway? Over the years, he'd told Lu Ten to be more responsible, especially where women and his duties lay…but Lu Ten was in it solely for the perks…not the hard things. Now that it was near time to take control…now that Uncle Iroh was on his…deathbed…Lu Ten would be Fire Lord.
Dare Zuko think that he could be a better Fire Lord than Lu Ten would be?
No. He chastised himself. You can't, it's not right.
As Lu Ten collapsed in the chair across from him, Zuko did the same, forcing himself to process exactly what just happened. He found that it was rather difficult to do. His older cousin, the all-powerful Crown Prince of the Fire Nation sat across from him, releasing every emotion and insecurity that he's built up over the years…it shocked Zuko to see how much this life affected someone.
And I thought I had it bad.
Trembling, covered in sweat, looking like a total wreck…Zuko knew Lu Ten wasn't adequately prepared for this. Whose fault was that? One couldn't suddenly learn to run an entire country overnight.
Lu Ten was running out of time.