The team made their way to the hotel after another long day of interrogations and missing people being pinned to a board. JJ walked ahead of the rest of the team after being denied working for the night and being told to she needed to rest. Her parents had asked if she would want to stay in her childhood room, but with the case, JJ only knew she would be haunted by the past demons and memories even more. JJ made it to the door of her room and began fumbling through her bag trying to find the key.
"Shit," JJ muttered realizing she may have left her key in the spare coat she had left at the office that night after storming out.
"Hey," Emily said coming up behind the younger agent. "Can't find your key?"
"Uh yeah," JJ replied continuing to look at the lock on the door.
Emily pulled out her key and unlocked the door; her eyebrows arching over worry for the blonde agent. It was unlike JJ to respond coolly, refuse to make eye contact, and forget things. Emily opened the door and held it open for the blonde who quickly walked in taking the bed near the window like normal. Emily kept an eye on JJ as she placed her own bag down on the other bed. JJ had taken a seat on the edge of the bed and looked out the window. The two had developed a routine over the past years of traveling and always being paired together for housing.
"Do you want to take a shower first like normal?" Emily asked JJ.
"No, I'm good, Emily," JJ quickly responded pulling out of her daze, "You go ahead."
"Are you okay?" Emily asked walking closer to JJ.
"Yeah," JJ nodded, "I'll be fine."
Emily frowned and walked to be in in JJ's sightline, "JJ, what's going on."
JJ swallowed and blinked rapidly, "I just need to solve this case and leave this place."
"JJ," Emily said softly walking over to sit next to JJ. "I know you, and I know this case is getting to you. I know you are not okay."
JJ rolled her eyes, "Stop profiling me."
Emily couldn't stop herself from chuckling, "I'm not. It would be clear to anyone."
"I'm just still freezing," JJ replied looking up to Emily with her eyes glossed over. "Earlier you gave me work and it stopped it, but I'm just freezing now, and these feelings and memories are just coming back, and I can't stop them. I'm…I'm…just scared."
"That's all normal," Emily replied with a small nod.
"I'm a federal agent," JJ smiled coolly, "These things shouldn't get to me. At least anymore. I've seen all sorts of things and this…this is just getting to me."
"It's personal," Emily replied. "It happened a long time ago, before you knew how to cope. You saw something horrible and now it is back, and you can feel."
"I told myself that I would never let this get to me again," JJ started, "Compartmentalize it. I told myself that again before the case and now I'm here letting it just freeze me up again."
Emily moved closer to JJ as she made out the younger agent shaking. JJ's eyes were growing distant as her nails began curling against her thigh. Emily watched knowing these were signs of JJ going into a panic attack. She had seen them other times, despite JJ always trying to hide them.
"Hey, JJ," Emily said soothingly reaching out and placing her hand over JJ's, "You are starting to panic."
"Em," JJ said barely audible, her voice wavering, "It's all just right here again. There is just too much blood and I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. Make it stop."
"I'm right here," Emily said softly pulling the younger agent against.
Emily could here JJ whimpering and Emily rubbed soothing circles on the agents back in response.
"Why is it still doing this to me?" JJ cried.
"Shhh," Emily soothed, running her fingers through JJ's blonde hair to calm the blonde. "The case is in correlation to one of the most traumatic things in your life. You never got any of the answers you needed, and you never fully processed what happened. You are just finally feeling the things you've needed to."
"It's just scary," JJ said after a few minutes, "I was eleven and I just became the quiet weird girl. Then suddenly, I became the popular girl. Each time, and apparently still today, I am known at Rosaline's sister. I was just so desperate to leave and make a name for myself, but they still just remember me from then."
"But we all know you as Jennifer Jareau," Emily said wiping her thumb against JJ's cheek to catch a stray tear. "The badass agent here who is helping find the missing girls and take down whoever has been haunting this town."
"Yeah," JJ said trying to smile. "If I can keep myself from freezing."
"I'll be right here," Emily nodded, "I'll help you unfreeze."
"That's not your job," JJ replied.
"It's not my job," Emily started, "You are right about that, but as your friend, I've always felt the need to. Besides, you have always helped me when I freeze."
"I don't know about that," JJ smirked.
"When I was, well, dead," Emily started, "You were the one of two people who knew the truth and the only one who checked in. I was scared, lonely, felt pointless just hiding out; but you, you checked in with me and always seemed to send scrabble games right when I needed it. That helped me unfreeze my head."
"I guess," JJ said getting this puzzled look on her face thinking.
"Jen," Emily started, calling JJ by the nickname, "Remember all those years back when we were on that farm? You were just becoming a field agent, which you had never intended, and I was brand new to the team. I found you in the bathroom having flashbacks and terrified. It was in that moment that I just saw something in you; this humanness, pure fear, scared because you did not know what to do. I had years of experiences more than you in situations and my first ones I had someone who reminded me how to unfreeze, someone who taught me how to be an agent, continue to have that humanity. I saw my younger self in you and knew I needed to always protect you."
"I remember that," JJ smiled looking down. "You asked me to go with you and from then on always checked in when you saw me zoning out. I always knew I could count on you when things went south. I don't think I ever told you…"
"Told me what?" Emily asked.
"When I was kidnapped," JJ started, "I was hallucinating after hours of the torture. I felt and saw someone coming to get me and it was you. I remember just feeling so relieved and safe for that moment thinking you had found me and were there to get me out. You were in London for god's sake. But out of all the people I could think of who me would have it was not Hotch or the team, or Will, or my parents, it was you Emily. And then of course you were the one who came all the way from London to find me. Unfreeze me from that moment. I just always knew you would be the one to find and save me."
"I didn't know that" Emily frowned, "It's funny. My biggest nightmares always involve my worst cases; the ones I cannot solve, or I get there right after the victim dies…bad dreams. In my dreams, however, the victim is always replaced by you and where I cannot save you in time. It scares me, absolutely terrifies me, that something will happen, and I cannot be there to help and protect you. So, when you tell me your fine and I know you are not, I can't just sit here."
"Is that what you where dreaming about that one time," JJ continued, "On the plane when I woke you up."
"Yes," Emily said hanging her head low seeing tears fogging in JJ's eyes, took the agent's hand.
JJ took a second and swallowed and let out a sigh, "Last time I was at this hotel, I was at a party. It was senior year of high school and we had just won our tournament and I realized how soon it would be when I would be leaving this place for college. I had a bit to drink and remember finding myself outside just crying, like fully crying, about how alone and scared this town had made me feel. It was that night I told myself I would stop freezing and having these moments and just keep going. And now I'm back right here freezing."
"Well this time you have me," Emily said squeezing the blondes' hand. "And JJ, what happened when you were a child was traumatizing. No one should have to see that ever; especially at the age you were. No one checked in on your or cared for you in that time like you needed. You were alone to deal with the aftermath, which was not fair. I know it scares you, which is expected, but you have grown so much. I know this case is hard, but it might give you more answers and the resolution you have needed. You've got all your friends right here. We will be here, I'll be here, for all of it.
"I know," JJ smiled letting a tear fall. "Thanks, Em."
JJ leaned over against Emily and Emily wrapped an arm tightly around her.
"What can I do?" Emily asked softly.
"I don't know," JJ shrugged still against Emily. "I just need to feel safe."
Emily wrapped her arms tighter and pressed a kiss to JJ's head, "Do you feel safe?"
"Yes," JJ nodded.
"I'll be here the whole night," Emily nodded against JJ.
"I know," JJ sighed feeling herself finally relax and her brain start to turn again. "Emily?"
"Yes?" Emily replied.
"Do you mind if I actually take my shower first like normal?" JJ asked sheepishly.
"Go ahead," Emily smiled. "I see you're back."
"Unfrozen," JJ said smiling pulling away to look at Emily.
"Unfrozen," Emily nodded in agreement.