Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray Man in any way, all credit goes to Katsura Hoshino.
Summary: Forced to leave the Order, Allen comes across a secret hidden in the depths of the Ark. Now, hunted by the Noah Clan and considered an enemy by the place he once called home, he has to search for the truth... The truth about Mana, Neah and himself. Where he came from and who he really is. Uncovering a web of illusions and doubts, Allen still moves forward as he promised to do... But what do you do in a war, when you feel like you don't belong to any side?
"Learning to trust is one of life's most difficult tasks" – Isaac Watts.
Act Six – Long Paths, Crossed Paths
The silence was a shroud of liquid iron, filling and involving everything in the clearing, not allowing any of the people to move. Raz hesitated for a moment, unsure of the right course of action before she came closer to Allen, any sound her feet could make being devoured by the overpowering silence.
"Who are you?" The girl with the gloves asked, trying to keep a firm voice despite the fact they had just finished fighting akumas. Her eyes, of chocolate-brown and almond-shaped, briefly went to Raz before returning to Allen. Her chest still moved quite fast as she tried to recover her breath, gloves emitting a pale gleam of Innocence.
Allen hesitated, not needing to look to Raz to know that underneath her apparent calmness, there would be a frozen distrust and he didn't feel much comfortable with making introductions himself. Those people didn't wear the Order's uniform or its symbol, but this didn't mean a thing. He had reacted upon instinct, responding to the existence of akumas without giving much thought to it. It was not an action he regretted, but…
What to do?
He hadn't heard about any new Exorcists since Timothy, but what if they had been recently found, during his time in the dungeons?
Were they with the Order or not?
Did they know about him? What would they do, then?
"You're Accommodators…" He risked, just to say something as he observed the girl with the gloves. She was biracial, mocha-skinned with dark hair. She offered no response. The other girl, the one who had cursed the Akuma, made a little sound that was alike a scoff.
"So are you." She said with an undecipherable expression, analyzing Allen from head to toe, a bow in her pale hands, an object that looked as if made of some ancient stone with curious carvings. There were no arrows in sight. "But this is not an answer."
"Thanks for the help, of course!" The first girl said quickly. Due to the fight, strands of her hair had escaped her ponytail and fell, reaching a little under her shoulders. She hesitated as if meaning to say something more, but the man was faster.
"Are you from the Black Order?" He was the tallest of the group. Allen guessed he might be taller than Komui (perhaps a few years older as well), with broad shoulders and the darkest skin he had ever seen in his entire life.
"No, we're not." Raz told them, deciding honesty (at least in this matter) was the better option, running her eyes by the people as she tried to evaluate the situation and ignore a growing discomfort at the same time. Suddenly, she wished they would deactivate their Innocences. The situation was delicate as it was and being near those things provoked her nerves.
Raz pinned it down to the fact that she was, well, a Noah.
The way the tall man had just made the question gave the impression the group was not with the Order either, but Allen wasn't sure what to think of it. He reminded himself he had never seen those people and many exorcists had been reported killed by the Noah, very few remaining… Were they survivors?
But the Order would certainly have informed them about other Accommodators, right?
"And who can guarantee this?" A mocking little voice came from the depths of his mind, but Allen ignored it.
"You…" He hesitated, feeling it might take a mere wrong word and they would have another fight at hand, so he spoke carefully. "You don't seem to be part of it as well…"
In answer, the girl with the bow sneered to herself, her deep green studying him. Allen noticed she was holding her weapon tighter now.
"And we're not." The last member of the group confirmed, a blonde woman whose hair fell right over her shoulders in a bobcat haircut and who, up until now, had not said a word. "And if you're not with the Order, then who are you?"
Her tone was soft enough, but Allen thought she was as unsure about the situation as everyone else.
"May I ask the same?" Allen inquired politely. A fight was the last thing he wanted and, regarding those people, he would rather have some information first before giving any. He had to be sure there would be no risk in talking to them… But if they were not Exorcists (somehow, the thought moved what felt like an old wound in him), how could they have Innocences and know about akumas? This didn't make any sense.
They exchanged looks.
"How can we be sure?" The green-eyed girl wondered, but neither Allen nor Raz were certain she was speaking to them or just to her friends.
Upon hearing this, the black man shook his head without blinking and ran his hand through his long dreadlocks-like curls, eyes going from his companions to Allen and Raz. The boy had the impression he could break someone's bones as easily as a twig.
"Well, how can we?" Raz replied in a voice that couldn't be interpreted, not changing her tone. Allen changed the weight of his body from one foot to another. How many times must he be treated as a suspicious person?
However, Blonde started to chuckle, hiding her mouth with her hand as the Mocha-Skinned girl threw Green Eyes an amused look.
"Yeah, they got you with this one, Ali." She commented with a smile. The gesture seemed to illuminate not her face, but her whole self. Her voice was softer when she said. "Well, I don't know how to answer that… I'm Lauren Ashford, this is…"
"Alison Rouwen." Green-Eyed introduced herself with a nod after a moment of hesitation, as if still unsure whether this was a good idea or not and placing a strand that had escaped from her braid behind her ear. Although she seemed to be seventeen, give it or take it, her hair was gray. Not the light or frail-looking hue old people could have sometimes, but a medium, strong shade.
"My name is Samuel Kallen." The black man told them with the apparently always-serene tone. His voice was deep and it made Allen think about the purring of a panther or tiger. The blonde woman nodded in polite greeting.
"Elana Verenaris."
"I'm Allen Walker…" While there was a part of him that thought it too risky to say his real name, he considered that he had already taken all risks in showing himself as he had. He greeted them with a nod before gesturing to Raz. "And she is Raz." The Noah girl repeated his gesture without taking her eyes off the others, who greeted her as well. Samuel Kallen studied them with his black eyes.
"Well, as Lauren said, thanks for the help. I thought those akumas would end us…" He commented, turning his eyes back to his friends. Allen knew the marks of worry in that look, having seen them many times in his own friends or in a mirror. "I didn't think we would meet a Level Three…"
"None of us did." Lauren sighed and shrugged, the gloves ceasing their weak gleam and the blades disappearing as if they had never been there. In that way, they looked like simple fingerless black gloves.
"Are you okay? Your back…" Allen asked, recalling how she had been thrown against a broken trunk.
"Oh, I'm fine, it was nothing major." She smiled and turned as to prove it. The sight didn't match her words. Here and there, broken pieces of the tree had sliced her back. Allen supposed it was her luck the bleeding was not excessive, even if was quite sure he could notice a few bruising already appearing. Or maybe it was just because he knew they would be there soon.
"Nothing major, right. Honestly…" Elana muttered, sounding aggravated for the first time as Samuel rolled his eyes. Her attention returned to Allen and Raz, as Alison examined Lauren's cuts, ignoring the other's protests that there was no need for this and that they had been lucky. "And you? Are you two hurt?"
"We're okay." Allen answered, turning to Raz who limited herself to a nod in silence. He briefly wondered if she was always quiet around new people (their own meeting barely counted, considering the circumstances) or if she was lost in her own thoughts. His attention, for the moment, was more focused on knowing who those people truly were, aware that he didn't need to repeat his question. Samuel still studied them calmly… It didn't seem that the man trusted them, but Allen didn't think there was any hostility there either.
And not him, nor Raz, were surprised with this distrust.
It was expected.
"We came here because we heard rumors" Raz tried with caution, uncertain of how to start (or give continuity) to the conversation. They were the first Innocence users she met besides Allen and she also sensed that the wrong words could lead to a fight. The presence of their Innocences wasn't helping her.
"That how it was for us. We were just… Auch, Ali, stop that, I'm fine!" Lauren hissed, being promptly ignored by the other, who rolled her eyes and gave her a sharp stare. Lauren ignored her. "We were in the neighbor city at East, and we heard a woman saying she had seen monsters here and, well, it was quite clear what it was about." She sighed and turned when Alison finally stopped overlooking her wounds. "We came to investigate, but…"
"We found more than we expected." Elana finished.
"We heard about some lights…" Allen told them frowning. "So, we thought there should be an Innocence here. Have you heard about that?"
"Yes, but we were thinking more about the akumas than…" Lauren looked to her friends, a new smile appearing while she placed her hands on her waist. "Hey, why on Earth are we all standing here? If we're going to talk, let's go back to the city! I'm getting hungry!"
Before the others could say a thing, she turned around, as to leave the clearing, gesticulating for the two of them to follow as well when, looking back, she saw Allen and Raz hesitating. Despite the lack of trust, they decided to comply.
Alison made a small noise but didn't protest.
"You still didn't tell us where you came from…" She noted in a polite enough way, but that seriousness hadn't left her green eyes. The bow, the Innocence now deactivated, rested alone in a quiver whose strap crossed her chest. It didn't match the weapon, being of far more common material and marked by the passage of time. Without the Innocence activated, the bow didn't look so dignified and seemed worthless with the lack of arrows, but the carvings and appearance of stone-made at least gave it a somewhat quality of an antique.
"We're travelers…" It wasn't quite a lie, was it? "We…" He meant to say they were not with the Black Order, but suddenly, his vocal cords refused to work. He took a deep breath, trying to ignore it, to make it go away. "We're not members of the Order…"
Mere words. He knew they couldn't be taken as proof.
Alison remained in silence and a brief shadow seemed to pass by her face in the manner of a veil, but under the skin rather than over it. Walking behind them, Elana seemed more interested in watching around in case more akumas were hiding. They kept themselves quiet as they walked, unsure of what to say or what to talk about without risking going back to the main subject. Allen's thoughts ran through all he knew, trying to find some memory that worked as indicative to whom those people actually were, without success. They couldn't be Accommodators who had just found their Innocences by themselves if they knew about the Order's existence, let alone if their Innocences had already been processed into weapons…
Was it safe to follow them?
"But they aren't allies of the Earl either…" He reflected, moments of the fight appearing in his mind in brief flashes. His eyes went to Samuel, feeling the man observed him, but he avoided his gaze as soon as Allen turned his face. In the brief instant, he saw those dark eyes, Allen thought he had seen something in them, but he couldn't be sure.
When the path became larger, signaling they would soon reach the city, Lauren turned to them.
"We haven't eaten anything yet. Why don't you guys join us? It's on us, as thanks."
Allen looked at Raz, who merely raised her shoulders.
It was an occasion to talk and try to understand everything in any way.
"Of course…"
XxX
The small restaurant was modest and, perhaps for that very reason, quite pleasant. During their walk, going in the woods and back, the hours had passed by without Allen realizing it and morning slowly had turned into day. It wasn't lunchtime yet and the place wasn't full, but soon people would arrive before heading to afternoon shifts, children with their parents.
Opting for a table away in a corner, close to a window, Allen and Raz sat in one side with Samuel, while Alison sat in front of the man. Elana and Lauren had gone to the bathroom, so the blonde could at least clean the other's back. Allen had offered some of the gauze and the saline solution he had in his backpack when Elana had commented they should pass by the inn they were spending the night to cover the wounds with something.
After some moments, they were back. Lauren wore a light khaki coat over her shirt to hide the ripped parts. The wounds weren't as serious as they could have been (or would've been on a normal person), but she would probably spend some nights sleeping on her belly and her back would hurt for days before it was fully healed.
"Have you guys come here before?" Elana asked as she looked over the menu.
"No, we just arrived today" Allen told her, seeing no reason to lie over such a small matter. At his side, Raz remained in silence, just watching the conversation. He couldn't tell what she was thinking of all this or even if she was truly reading the menu or merely looking at it.
"We're always traveling too. Samuel and Alison had been here before, haven't you?" Lauren asked before making her order to a waiter. Despite having been telling Allen and Raz they could order whatever they wanted, both kept their minds in their own savings even if the place wasn't expensive (perhaps the strange group also tried to not spend more than necessary?).
"It wasn't for long…" Alison commented with a shrug, her tone still somewhat cautious.
"I've been here two times, more or less. But it was a long time ago…" Samuel said almost absently before turning to Allen with a thoughtful expression, apparently, suddenly taken by an idea. "Wait, you said you're called Allen Walker, right?"
"Oh, damn…"
"Yeah…" Allen was wary at once. Had Kallen remembered something? Was he going to contact the Order? Or somehow… Allen tried to tell himself there was no reason for those worries, but the sensation didn't go away. Could it be that Samuel had heard about him being the host of the Fourteenth? Or how the Order had classified him as a Noah? Maybe…
But the man's question surprised him.
"Sorry, do you know Marian Cross, by any chance?"
Allen felt like his mind had been pierced by ice.
Had Kallen asked what he thought he did?
Samuel Kallen… Knew Cross?
With the shock, his mind went back to the room with the bloodstained, broken window… Hearing that Cross had been attacked, that… He swallowed hard, trying to push it away again. The memory, however, worked to stop him from giving an immediate affirmative.
Raz was observing him, wondering exactly what they were talking about.
"Cross?" Lauren asked with a frown before snapping her fingers. "Wait, wasn't he that friend of yours?"
Allen couldn't hide his shock at this. Truth to be told, even if he had just met them, Samuel didn't strike him at all as someone who would associate with his Master. The man leaned his head on a hand, holding back a chuckle, with an almost childlike smile.
"Well," He muttered, almost to himself. "Until the point someone can be his friend, I suppose…"
"Or until the point Master is… Was… Someone's friend…" Allen corrected him mentally and lowered his gaze to the plate the waiter had just brought to him, poking the food with the fork for an instant.
"Cross told me about you" Samuel explained, now smiling and the change made Allen realize he had been as cautious up until now as Allen had been. The man's words made him look at him. Master had spoken of him? He couldn't say he had ever expected that and now, with the broken window still behind his eyes, Allen didn't know what to think of it. "He told me a little about an apprentice called Walker, but I was not sure it was you. How is he doing?"
Allen wondered when the Master had met Samuel and talked about him… The most likely window of time was between when Allen had headed to the Order and when they had met again in the White Ark… Or maybe before that? During those times when Cross would run off, sensing the people who he owed money were getting close? Yeah, there was this chance…
He wondered how much Kallen knew or had learned about Cross.
Was this an indication that those people were or that they were not with the Order, after all?
"He… He died…"
Oh, but that wasn't just it, was it? He hadn't just died but been murdered. Once again, the boy saw it happen in his mind, just as he had seen when Apocryphos had touched him in the dungeons. A cold wave that had nothing to do with fear or tension ran through his body, washing all in its way.
At his side, Raz watched with the corner of her eyes. Anyone passing by may assume her to be absolutely disinterested in what was going on. Elana and Lauren exchanged worried looks, Lauren biting her lower lip. Samuel, however, didn't seem shocked or worried. He frowned with a controlled expression, taking some sips of his drink before lowering the glass, seriousness marking his face and turning his eyes into those of a hawk.
"Were the corpses found?"
"Hm?"
"The corpses" Samuel repeated in the same tone. "His corpse and Maria's grave."
"Well… No." The answer came slowly. Last he knew, they were still missing, but considering the amount of blood and what he had seen through Apocryphos' eyes, survival seemed far too unlikely. For Samuel, however, the answer was enough and he scoffed in good humor.
"Then it is too early to say he is dead." Maybe seeing something in Allen's eyes, he nodded, emphasizing his words. "Believe me, when it comes down to Cross… You can only say such a thing if you've seen his body." He took a moment to consider. "On second thought, perhaps I would believe it only after seeing his body being cremated."
Lauren laughed at this and Elana gave Samuel a soft smile, as if she had heard this comment before. Alison rolled her eyes, but she smiled this time, apparently the reaction of her friends soothing her. Allen was unsure if he could hold on to those words. Cross' death had affected him more than he would admit out loud. Their relationship had never been easy to classify, oscillating too much through different sensations for him to find firm ground, but the news of his death… It had been only then that Allen realized he had never thought about Cross dead.
It wasn't that Allen deluded himself about the fragility of the lives of those around him (and his own), but somehow Cross had always seemed, if not above it, at least someone whose chances of survival were higher than the majority. Always resourceful. Always strong. To have him being murdered like that… It felt wrong. Insulting. Less than he deserved, somehow…
Was it really possible that Cross might be still alive? Samuel's words carried such certainty that, suddenly, Allen wanted to believe it. Deep inside, a small seed of doubt persisted. Instead of suffocating it, Allen kept it. It was better to not overdo with hopes, so fragile and easily crushed by reality.
But that didn't mean he couldn't keep some.
"He is probably around somewhere…" Samuel continued undisturbed as he sliced a piece of meat. "And now he has a great excuse to not go back to the Order. I expect he will be thrilled about that."
Allen bit a part of his tongue. Without even realizing it, they were back to the main subject at hand. He watched Raz with the corner of her eyes, but not only she seemed completely disinterested in contributing to the conversation as her eyes had turned to her food. Allen was sure her attention was in every word regardless.
"Have you guys run off together?" Lauren asked, some seriousness coming to her words. It was not the same as asking if they just weren't part of the Order anymore, this was more direct to the point. Alison looked at her with the corner of her eyes and then to Allen, with a slight frown. He could see why: The way Lauren had posed the question made it all too easy to lie, making his answer suit the situation. It was one of the methods some people used to fool others, pretending to be psychic.
Well, this was a question that seemed safe to answer truthfully.
"I was the one who went away..." Allen admitted (and even describing it like that still bothered him. Would that ever go away?) and gestured with his head to the silent girl at his side. "And I met Raz afterward."
Another truth, just not with details.
"I'm just…" They would probably have realized by now that she was no Exorcist, once she hadn't taken part in the battle. The only thing she could hope for was that they would believe that she was just a regular human. Could Exorcists (or previous Exorcists, as this group seemed to be) sense her nature somehow? The idea unsettled her.
"She is a friend of mine." Allen amended with a smile. Though not letting it show, Raz was a little surprised. Up until now, she hadn't given much thought (if any at all) about her relationship with Allen (not that she even had enough basis or experience to try and categorize it) and it had been the very recent events that had strengthened whatever little trust she had in him…
But it was the first time any of them spoke about the other as a friend.
"And why did you decide to leave it?" The other girl carried on.
Well, that was it.
Allen's mind went through several possible answers. He didn't want to tell them about Apocryphos (for several reasons) and it wouldn't be sensate to just go and say that, to the Order, he was now an enemy. He hadn't told all the details that had thrown him in this situation to Raz yet and he even felt less enthusiastic about telling it to strangers he had just met.
A lie was born in his mind, but before it could travel to his mouth, Alison shook her head to Lauren as she muttered the other's name with a vague tone of reprimand before turning back to him.
"There is no need to tell, it doesn't matter."
Allen was surprised. Somehow, he hadn't expected her to say that. It now occurred to him those people might be as wary of him and Raz as they were.
Lauren blushed a little.
"Yeah, sorry 'bout that…" She scratched the back of her head with a weak smile of apology. "I kinda get carried away sometimes… I'm sorry." After all, they didn't even know each other and there she was asking questions that could be (most certainly were) too personal. God knew she had had had her own reasons to leave the Order and though some could consider them weak, they had been strong enough for her.
At this, both the ex-Exorcist and the Noah girl looked at them.
Lauren hesitated.
"We're all people who left the Black Order. We all had our own motives, too…" She added quietly before sighing. "We met during our travels and decided to stay together. So here you have us…" The smile with which she finished the brief explanation was warm. It was a simple way of putting things, despite them being far from it.
"Exterminating akumas…" Allen said slowly while trying to understand how that could be even possible. In all his time in the Order, he had never heard of Exorcists leaving it. In fact, just some days ago, it would have sounded impossible. "Still as Exorcists…"
Alison turned to him with a sharp movement of her head, a pale fire in her green eyes.
"Not Exorcists, since we're not with the Order." Displeasure was clear in her when she said the term, staying in silence for a second, before indicating blonde with a gesture of her head before picking her drink up. "Elana thinks that if someone would call us anything, it would be Exiled Ones."
Elana raised her hand to cover a chuckle at that as Lauren let out a cheerful muttering of agreement. Seeing Samuel holding a deep laugh and Alison rolling her eyes (not without amusement), Allen felt that this was an old talk, almost as an inner joke, like so many he and his friends had.
"And… Does the Order know about you guys?" He couldn't avoid the question. Months ago, he would have assumed the answer to be negative, but now it occurred to him that it wasn't always that the Central shared and told everything to others, let alone the Exorcists. And maybe, if this was as truthful as it seemed to be, those people could give him some hints? To be hunted by Akumas was something, but the Central was another matter altogether.
"We don't know… I do believe some people of the Central may have suspicions..." Samuel said with his involving voice, resting his fork in the middle of his salad. "Some of us just ran away during or after missions. Others, like Alison here, faked their own deaths, but I don't know if everyone believed that…"
Allen caught himself thinking about Levelier.
"I think some may have not…" He muttered, soon adding. "I mean, it's not that I've ever heard anything about you, but… Well…"
"When it comes down to the Central…" Alison said, not even needing to finish the sentence while Allen nodded. Yes, it was hard (maybe impossible) to be sure of what the Central knew or not. Thinking about what Samuel had said, about some of them having just run off, Allen was almost sure this would be enough for suspicions, even with death being such a probable justification.
Meanwhile, another question, tangled in memories, called his attention.
"Wait, if they left the Order… How come they haven't turned into Fallen Ones?" This question weighed more than how they had managed to avoid being seen by Finders or other Exorcists. It wasn't as if Allen was an expert in the subject either. From what he recalled, Lenalee had told him this happened when the synchronization level fell too much and this was what had happened to Suman Dark, especially due to his betrayal.
The echo of Suman's voice tried to escape from the depths of his mind, but Allen blocked it. It wasn't time for this. He also decided to put that question aside and think about it later… There must be a reason for which those people hadn't suffered the same fate.
"And you keep hunting akumas, even if by yourselves…" He repeated.
"It's what we know how to do…" Was Elana's answer, though Allen noted the corners of her mouth were slightly turned down as if she had tasted something bitter and was trying to hide it. However, he did not insist. Just like he didn't need to explain his reasons, they didn't need to explain theirs, either.
He knew they should be less than simple. And without a doubt, not at all pleasant.
He had no idea what he would have thought of this, should he have met them before.
He felt Lauren's gaze leaving him and going briefly to Raz. Maybe the girl was just curious as to why the other was being so quiet or wondering how much Raz knew regarding the Order, but in any case, Allen decided to not risk it and tried to lead the conversation towards a safer ground.
"After what we've heard and those akumas, I'm sure there is an Innocence in that forest." And for some reason, this made him feel lighter. As if there was a seed of normality in a sea of chaos… None of the others disagreed with the idea, but the air became vaguely tense as a flower blooming among the silence.
"So we better leave." Alison decided without hesitation. Allen looked from one to the other, finding no signs of objection in anyone. Lauren nodded to herself. This surprised him, the idea of just leaving an Innocence to be found by the akumas or worse…
"Wait, what do you mean?"
Alison merely shrugged, untouched and uncaring.
"Just this deal of trees shining and akumas around will be enough for the Order to send someone soon. It's better if we're not here when that happens."
"We always avoid any chance of coming in contact with anyone who even seems to have connections there. It's not safe." Elana explained with her gentle tone. Allen felt stupid for saying anything. This wasn't like before that whole mess, it wasn't like the missions for the Order. And those people… The Central couldn't know they were still alive.
Allen remembered the Crows, Kanda's memories and when he had been put (imprisoned) in the dungeons…
Yes, he understood it.
Maybe those people were right, maybe he and Raz should leave as well…
"But we're already here. And the akumas are already after this Innocence. What if they find it first?" The bitter taste that was born from the idea of leaving it was too strong to be ignored, a wave that spread to his whole body.
He felt bad, aware this could mean a great risk…
Was he being selfish?
Elana and Lauren exchanged looks in confusion while Alison turned her attention back to her food. Samuel studied Allen before explaining what he had already understood: This wasn't on the top of their list of worries.
"Allen, we avoid getting involved in matters that may have caught the slightest interest of the Order" He whispered. "Exterminating akumas is one thing, going after an Innocence… It's quite different."
"Insanity." Alison supplied simply, with a way that made it clear she had more terms in mind, should they be necessary.
"And it's not like we would be able to do anything…" Allen suddenly thought. Searching for an Accommodator? It would not be possible and, even in the remote eventuality of finding someone, the person wouldn't be able to use the Innocence, not with it in the raw state.
In the end, there was nothing they could do.
"But if the akumas find it, the Innocence will be destroyed by the Noahs…" He muttered, almost to himself. What was the right choice? What was the right thing to do now?
He did his best to not look at Raz. Though she hadn't said a word or given any reaction, he felt a small spasm going through her body. He had explained this was something the Clan did, but he knew better than anyone that there was an abyss between knowing something and experiencing it.
Raz, on another hand, felt her flesh agitating under her skin as if about to burst it. During all the conversation, her emotions had oscillated and she didn't know for sure how to define them, but now the question had changed. She cared nothing for what would happen to any Innocence (nonetheless part of her mind did wonder how exactly a thing like that could be destroyed), however, more than the mention of the Noahs, it was Allen's tone that had caught her attention: Controlled, but still bearing traces of nervousness he tried to hold back.
Still, she thought Alison and the others were right. It would be more reasonable to just let the Order handle that.
"Hm?"
"The Noahs killed most of the Exorcists" At this, the others turned to him again. Alison moved her head so fast he thought her neck would snap. "There are very few of us left now, they also destroyed their Innocences. I don't think anyone knows how many are left…"
Alison was still. Lips parted slightly, she seemed unable to find anything to say. Now it was understandable why Allen was so worried at the prospect of just leaving an Innocence unprotected to be found by a bunch of akumas… She could count with the fingers of just one hand how many times in those years they had passed by a place that maybe, maybe could have an Innocence around and they had always backed away.
They lived destroying akumas, but this didn't mean they had any notion of how the war was going…
She meant to say something to that "few of us", but closed her mouth halting the words. Allen probably meant to say this as "Accommodators" rather than "Exorcists", to which she would have replied again that they were not. On another side, Alison still didn't feel any inclination to stay and risk meeting someone from the Order after taking precautions to avoid the very same thing for so long.
Allen looked from one to another. Now, in the silence, he didn't know for sure the exact reason that compelled him to insist, but it didn't matter. When his eyes crossed with Raz's, she stared at him for just a moment before looking at Samuel and the others, limiting herself to the role of spectator and making him wonder what she would rather do.
"Maybe to her it doesn't even make a difference?"
"Are things…" Elana wondered, voice becoming a whisper that sounded like the echo of a memory. "That bad?"
XxX
"And how is he?"
The doctor charged shook his head, without needing to read the data in the report he had stuck to a clipboard, already knowing what was written on it.
"Still weak. We don't know for sure what they did to him…" He handed the papers to Komui, who studied the results without much hope of noticing something different from last time. "He went through another seizure last night and we did our best. There is no way to predict if and when this will happen again. All we could do was to restrain him, so he wouldn't hurt himself."
Komui nodded, just to indicate he was listening. The tests weren't revealing what exactly was of abnormal in Chaozii's organism and some results were that of a man with perfect health. What consisted in an ironic and cruel joke, once one of his seizures had seemed to leave him almost at death's doors.
The only thing they knew was that the Noahs were responsible.
"Which doesn't help in really anything!" The supervisor thought, with a need of controlling his fingers to not shiver when frustration gave birth to a strong wish to throw the clipboard at the ground with all those useless papers and just yell and yell.
Everything was falling apart.
"There is nothing we can do for now, except to monitor him…" The doctor carried on when Komui gave the report back to him. The man looked just as tired, despite his experience treating those wounded by Noahs or Akumas. "We'll try other medicines and maybe we can find one to at least avoid some seizures or any pain he may be feeling."
Komui agreed and walked away, mind running through several different ideas of what the Noahs could have done to Chaozii, however, the conjectures were no more than pale ideas and he knew the true answer could be worse than anything he was able to think.
"A talent that all Noahs share," He thought bitterly. "Make your worst nightmares look like a child's dream."
He went back to the Science Department room, sitting at his table when Reever came closer. Then Komui noticed some of the people around also seemed to be paying attention. Well, with everything considered, this was hardly surprising.
"Anything new?" The man asked, managing a pretty believable imitation of control in his voice, as he usually did during tense situations. Someone might say this wasn't the most critical time they had experienced, but it depended on the point of view.
"Nothing. He is still in a coma." This was the only term available, the medical staff (as well as everyone else) knew that it might not be strictly that. The difference, if it existed (it probably did), would be subtle and, at the same time, enough to make whatever it was not exactly fitting for the terminology. Komui added. "He had another seizure, I was told. He seemed to be stable while I was there, but..."
Reever just agreed. There wasn't much more to be said, except for one thing. And he would rather not have to say it at all. He had heard before about how things tended to improve with time (or you just learned to live with the facts), but if someone asked him, nothing seemed to be heading towards improvement and he doubted they would ever get used to the current situation.
"While you were in the hospital wing, there was a message. Levelier called for you, he wants to talk."
A silent comprehension passed between the two of them. Ever since that particular night, Levelier had no longer sought Komui or Lenalee, which had made all in the Science Department grateful just as worried, for when someone like Levelier kept himself away and quiet for too long, the tension of waiting grew until something finally happened. They all knew he wouldn't just "let it go" or "give up" talking to the two of them regarding the events of that night. It wasn't different, Reever considered, from being tied up and seeing a bomb's wick slowly go out, forced to wait for the explosion.
Komui didn't show any immediate reaction. After that night, he had recovered the mask of self-control and seriousness reserved for such occasions, especially in matters related to the Central. Even so, Reever and a few other members of the Science Department had known him for too long to be easily fooled. And Komui was aware of this.
Everyone in the room knew what Levelier wanted and expecting it didn't magically make it less unpleasant, as it happens with things we cannot avoid, no matter how much we desire it so.
"I better end this, then." He sighed, standing up again as he reflected, almost with scorn, that Levelier had even waited quite a long time before calling, probably, to demand interrogation from Lenalee.
"'Probably' nothing, it's the only subject he would want to talk about."
"Keep your head cool." Johnny advised, without real need at the same time he wished he had more to say. Something useful.
"I'll do what I can…" Komui muttered as he left the room again.
Reever sighed, scratching the back of his head with a groan in his throat. At his side, Johnny still observed the hallway before his attention went back to the reports he had been revising, needing to force his mind to absorb the sense of anything he read. It was like his mind couldn't bother with associating the words with their meanings. And when he could force his attention, he felt numb. Floating in iron. Even his personal motivation, helping his friends the most he could, was not enough to make him feel better.
There had always been moments of a similar nature, as working in and for the Black Order could be exhausting and not only due to the workload. Once one learned about that war, it became impossible to close his eyes and not think about their friends' wounds, about those who had lost their lives in battles… Others could see them as "causalities", names on paper and working only in the Headquarters could distance some of them from the battlefield in a certain way, but it wasn't like this with him.
And lately, there had been moments when he felt as if the air had become poisoned with such thoughts.
"Hey, Johnny…" Reever's voice bought him back to reality. But when they looked at each other, there were no words. The understanding in the silence was quite enough.
"Those reports are ready." The other told him, placing the papers on Komui's table. "They just need the supervisor's signature."
"Just?" They muttered, almost smiling and remembering all the times that they had basically needed to force Komui to hold his pen to sign whatever it was, seeing how the man seemed to have a true phobia of work.
It didn't take long for Komui to reach the room Levelier used to occupy as a particular office. He didn't stop in the way and neither when he came to the door, except for some seconds when he knocked and was answered with a "come in" muffled by the wood.
He took a deep breath. He had to stay calm.
Levelier raised his eyes from the papers he had been reading, a cup of tea (or coffee) in his other hand. Those could be studies of Innocence, information and investigations from Finders or any other thing.
"Oh, Supervisor Komui" The man greeted with a nod, resting the cup on the table. "Please, do take a seat."
The welcoming was polite enough, but the other kept his silence. The latest events had made something he didn't believe to be possible: Lessened, even more, his displeasure towards the Inspector, reaching levels that touched so deep his stomach that they caused an ill-like feeling.
It wasn't just because of Lenalee. One of the basic needs of humans, especially when something bothers them, is to seek out a sort of escape valve, someone who they can blame and direct the bad sensation. It doesn't solve a thing but brings a sick relief that helps to bear the poisoned emotions. Komui was aware of this, but there was no way he couldn't blame Levelier for a great part of all that had happened, even if a mocking bug-like voice in his mind asked why he hadn't tried harder to interfere.
"Would you like some coffee?" Levelier asked as he held the papers together, hitting their bottoms at the table to arrange them before placing them aside in a perfect pile. "Or perhaps some cake? I found a new recipe that…"
"I believe it would be better if we talked about what you want..." Komui struggled to make a believable imitation of politeness and hurried to add, for good measure. "I do need to revise some data of my Department" The idea of sitting there, drinking coffee with Levelier as if nothing was wrong was enough to make his organs ache. Few times he had felt such aversion for someone.
For an instant, the veil of gentleness in Levelier's eyes slipped, allowing a glimpse of something Komui was unable to identify before the man smiled once more, elbows on the table, fingers crossed and hands up to his chin, a position Komui had seen several times in the reunions.
"Very well." He said courteously, which didn't do anything to relieve Komui's sensation. He knew this was going to be bad. "I believe you do know why I called you."
"As if it was possible not to" The other answered in his mind, resisting the urge to tell his superior to hurry up and get to the damn point.
"You want to interrogate Lenalee, sir." No need to disguise this as a question. He knew better.
"Lenalee, Miranda Lotto and Alistair Krory." It was the correction accompanied by a nod. Komui would have liked to say later that this had surprised him, but it would have been a lie. Everyone knew of the friendship among them and it would have been foolishness to think the Inspector wouldn't want to interrogate them as well. He would have called Lavi, wasn't he missing…
For a moment, nausea was overpowered by worry. Komui could try and hope that Allen was, somehow, well (or at least alive and free), but Lavi and the Bookman were probably with the Noahs...
Levelier studied him, his sharp eyes piercing Komui, who refused to avoid his gaze.
"You know… I am not an idiot, supervisor." The whisper was iron-cutting. "And, contrary to what you may think, I am not insensible either. It's quite obvious you want to protect your sister, which is nothing astonishing, especially with your… Let's say… History."
Komui's blood was liquid fire and he gathered all his self-control to stop himself from hitting that man, who leaned back in his chair.
That bastard.
As if Komui had asked what he meant by that, Levelier carried on.
"Well… You both were separated early, not long after the death of your parents. Later, you joined the Order just to be with her, sir. This is all quite pretty and touching," Komui remained still, hating that smile. "But perhaps you should accept that you cannot keep her safe from everything just to compensate that you weren't there. And for how you can't be at her side in the battles." Levelier added, then gesturing dismissively. Komui closed his hands, nails against the palms. It served as an anchor, to stop himself from saying what he wanted. Despite his growing rage, the man briefly wondered why Levelier would be telling him this since it couldn't be for sentimental reasons. Was he trying to "soothe" him in order to convince him to allow the interrogatory? An attempt at manipulation?
"It's possible, after all, he wanted to submit Allen to the Inquisition."
"Did you call me here to give me family advice, Inspector?" He couldn't contain the biting tone and Levelier surprised him with a smile. As always, it was the smile of someone who found out a delicious secret, the same he had given when telling about the Fourteenth, so long ago.
"I merely think you overprotect her. And I wonder if you do this for her… Or yourself."
Komui kept his hands resting on his knees, out of this man's sight and controlling his body to not let on any sign the other could notice. If Levelier realized his words had hit a nerve, no matter which, then Komui risked losing any ground he might have. His teeth were pressed against each other as if meaning to break themselves, just to contain all the words he wanted to spit.
He knew this game. Levelier meant to disturb him so Komui would lose control of his own reactions and end up giving what he wanted. He had seen this happen before and refused to allow the other this particular victory.
"I imagine some people may think that." He said without blinking. "It's easy to make assumptions based just on what we see and think." Before there could be an answer, he sighed and tilted his head backward, almost as if studying the other. "It isn't as different as what you did regarding Allen, is it?"
The smile of Levelier didn't vacillate, but the corners of his mouth were hard as if he had bitten something particularly unpleasant and his eyes, colder than never. Komui carried on, anxious to get out of that room.
"I told you can talk to her when she feels better." The truth was, this conversation was completely useless. If the Inspector demanded to question Lenalee and the others, there wouldn't be much Komui would be able to do to stop him, since Levelier was directly connected to the Central, controlling more strings and having more influence and power than him.
To deny him what he wanted would merely result in the Central sending a direct command and those involved could even be punished for disobedience and disrespect towards a superior. So, it was better to just end that farse of a conversation as sooner as possible.
"You may not be an idiot and not be "insensible" as you say, Levelier… But this doesn't mean you're able to really comprehend other's feelings, you bastard."
"Who decides if she is feeling better enough to answer your questions or not is Lenalee herself." He stood up, unable to bear much longer. Even the chair seemed too hot and hard. "I'll speak to her and send an answer later."
There was a moment and he thought Levelier would protest or even make use of his authority, but the man just studied him for a time before picking the reports once again.
"I want to talk to her and the others tomorrow. If she is feeling well enough." He repeated with a well-mannered tone, but Komui would have sworn he could feel curious traces among that sound. Despise? Scorn? He didn't know.
Levelier sighed.
"Quite a pity you don't want some cake, supervisor. Personally, this recipe I found is really fantastic."
XxX
Even without entering personal details, it took Allen quite a time to tell the others about how things had been going in the war with the Noahs. Samuel commented that they had never crossed paths with the Clan and they didn't even know if the Earl was aware of their existence. Allen thought that, considering how the Earl had said Akumas could be used as his eyes and members, then there was actually a good chance he did…
The idea didn't please anyone.
Elana pointed out that even if the Earl did know, he probably didn't regard them as more than a fly, annoying and yet easily ignored in favor of more important matters. His focus would be more on the expansion of his Akuma army and the Order. Even if she and the others did destroy Akumas in their travels, they were a far too small group to mean a threat…
They had all been in silence during Allen's tale and, at its end, they hadn't said anything for a while, processing the new information. They had all wondered from time to time at which feet was the situation in the Order and if things were as bad as the boy said, it was no surprise he had been this bothered with the idea of one more Innocence being destroyed.
Yes, this all made sense, but…
"The problem is still the same…" Alison said, pulling the brown strap of her quiver. Allen wondered if it was part of the Innocence or just a means to carry it, then concluded it was probably the second option. Then she gave voice to a point that had already passed by Allen's mind "Even if we do find this Innocence, what are we supposed to do with it?"
Allen would have liked to suggest finding a way to send it to the Order, but his brain couldn't come up with a method that would guarantee the security of the Innocence. And besides, how could they be sure the Order wouldn't find a way to track them down in response?
"Could it be that I'm getting paranoid?" He wondered, disturbed by his own feelings. Part of him wanted to send that Innocence to the Order so much, as if this could be a way to get in touch with his home, or reminding (them or himself, he didn't know) that he belonged there, that he was still part of it, that he…
He shook his head to himself, he couldn't think about it now.
"Maybe we could just keep it with us…" He suggested instead. "It isn't as if there is much else we could do, but at least like this, it would be safe."
"I think he has a point…" Lauren agreed, looking through the window of the hallway in the inn they were now sharing. On the horizon, she could see the line of the trees, looking like a small child's fingers trying to brush the sky. "And we should deal with one thing at the time, first we need to find it."
Not that they hadn't done anything until now. After talking about what Allen had told them, Lauren had decided to help in this search. Alison and Samuel hadn't said anything about it, giving Allen the idea that they wouldn't be opposed to it, while Elana had soon changed the subject, starting to talk about the city and suggesting that Allen and Raz stayed in the same inn they were.
Allen had hesitated, his previous feelings stirring again. The possibility of this all being an elaborate lie crossed his mind again… As they paid for the food, he pulled Raz aside. Like him, she was hesitant to just trust those people, but as she didn't understand much the way the Order worked, it was easier for her to consider they might be telling the truth. It didn't mean they had to trust them, but perhaps they could watch them until being sure.
So, after the small lunch, they had headed to the inn to ask for a room. No sign of agents from the Central and the keeper hadn't given any indication that Lauren and the others were special guests (as many often regarded Exorcists as, if not due to recognizing the symbol of their uniforms, then because the Order used to pay for good rooms and their coats often made them look important).
All the time, Raz was very quiet and though Allen recalled how, during her first days, she had said very little as well, he wondered if this had roots in shyness or something else entirely.
They had left their backpacks in their new room and Allen had asked her if she was alright, to which the reply had been positive. When he had thought about insisting some more, Lauren had called them and proposed they tried to learn about those lights before returning to the forest, to which he and Raz had agreed.
To the surprise of the three of them, when they were in the street's corner, someone had called to them: Samuel, Alison and Elana.
"I thought you guys wouldn't come!" Lauren smiled. Allen would be lying if he said he hadn't been quite pleased to see they had decided to join them.
"I still don't think this is a good idea in any way" Alison had warned them, though her expression was soft. "On another hand…"
"Oh, c'mon, Ali! What is life without some danger?" Lauren had asked in pretended innocence.
"Yeah, sure, because our lives are so monotonous! Imagine it, I don't even know what it's like to take risks anymore!" Alison's answer couldn't have been more sarcastic if she tried, but at least her eyes indicated she wasn't doing this against her will. Samuel shook his head, reassuring Allen and Raz that they shouldn't mind the girls, it was when Lauren acted differently that they should worry, making the woman react with false indignation.
They had visited the local library in search of old newspapers and possible annotations that could have info about what was known as the "Lights of the Nocturnal Forest" before returning there. To everyone's relief, they hadn't met more akumas, but there wasn't anything abnormal either. The clearing where they had fought and met was silent, easily giving the impression that the marks left hadn't been just physical, but also of a nature that warned animals to stay away. The wind in the leaves sounded louder than it had the right to be. Allen had heard that when animals met something new, it could take time for them to learn to avoid it (he'd heard about an experiment comparing how long it took for dogs and foxes to learn not to touch a particular food), but after what had happened, Allen wouldn't find it shocking if all animals in this forest, even insects, avoided that spot for a while.
Now, with the day dissolving away and making room to the night, they were back in the inn. With nothing different in the woods, Lauren stopped looking through the window.
"We keep the basic plan, then?"
"I think it's better…" Samuel said as he and Elana stopped by the door of the room they were sharing, wishing the others good night. Their agreement was that they would carry on their investigation during the day (this time seeking info about the people "missing" too, just in case there might be a connection of sorts) and would be back to the forest at the end of the afternoon, hoping the phenomena would happen again, as it was the only hint they could have as to the Innocence's location.
Alison and Lauren went to their own room as Allen and Raz did.
"Raz, are you alright?" Allen asked as he shut the door, receiving only a muttered "mm-hmm". He held back a sigh, wanting to insist, before considering it might be better to respect her space, perhaps give her some time, so he just picked some clean clothes and went to the small bathroom connected to the room, wishing for a shower (it was a stroke of luck, he thought, that the inn had rooms with personal bathrooms for such a low price).
The drops of hot water caressed his body, bringing relaxation to the muscles and pushing the tension of the day out of his system. Allen just stood there with his head lowered, eyes closed as the water fell in his back and hair, welcoming the sensation and allowing himself to think about the events of the day.
He couldn't say he had expected any of that…
Not that finding that the group hadn't been a good surprise… He wasn't considering whether or not he might try to stay with them (if they allowed), moving by the motions as he was and still with no actual plan. It was true that today when they had been investigating the Lights of the Forest, he had felt the aroma of nostalgia, unable to not think about all the times he, Lenalee, Kanda and the others had been seeking Innocences or in any other missions…
"Stop… You know it's not the same… You can't just…"
He sighed to himself. He was sure he wasn't, even on a subconscious level, trying to seek a way to replicate those days and his friends to soothe his own feelings. Perhaps that was what had led him to hope they were telling the truth when they had said they weren't with the Order… As much as a relief it was to see they seemed to be telling the truth, he couldn't help thinking about the past either…
He just missed them so much…
This "case" might be alike those missions on several levels and at the same time, it was so different... In the warmth of the shower, his mind floated to the Order and he tried to imagine what Lenalee, Krory and the others would be doing that night… Maybe they were having dinner now, maybe they were in some mission… A sound escaped his throat when Allen wondered if Komui was building another one of those robots, the dry sound hurting his mouth. It was a mere ghost of a laugh, something striving to remember its nature and more connected to sorrow than happiness.
"And what if they are thinking I joined the Noah?"
His eyes snapped open.
No.
They couldn't be thinking this, Lenalee had seen him leaving by himself, she would know he hadn't joined them. And the others would know he wouldn't ever do so, right?
But his mind was again wrapped in a poison that seemed to have wrapped around his brain, finding ways to enter until it reached the deeper corners. In his attempt to get rid of that persistent feeling, make the poison sleep for a while more, Allen ended up thinking about the Noah.
Back in the other city, one of the akumas had called Raz "Lost Noah". Maybe the Earl… No, wait, for sure the Earl already knew she had woken up. And that she was with him… Allen could only imagine what his reaction had been. It could range from amusement to anger to anything else, really…
Well, no point worrying about this now, right? Back in the night when he had used the Ark for the last time, Allen had already been aware that the Noahs would chase him down… There was not a chance that they wouldn't be hunting Raz just as well… No… This was a poor term. If they did so, would be because she was already part of the Clan.
Still, he wondered what the others would be thinking of this as well.
"Has Road recovered already?" The question came to his mind suddenly as a hidden flower, along with the image of the Noah of Dreams fading away… It had seemed a lie at the moment, something that made no sense, not after she had told him that attacks against her were worthless and witnessing her level of resistance: Road had survived ripping herself apart with his Innocence, Lavi had stabbed her from inside her own "Dimension" and burned her to the bones and yet, against all the odds, she still lived.
Tyki had explained how she probably needed some time to recover. Again, that bitter sound scratched his throat. It would be a real irony if, after so many fights and pain, a mere punch ended up killing a Noah. As far as Allen knew, Kanda had been the only one who had killed one of them.
"And how would Raz feel about this?" He still had so much to tell her. Even today, for the first time, she had heard more details of this war and how the Noahs had killed most of the Exorcists. Allen couldn't imagine what she had thought of all this, just like he couldn't imagine what she would feel if she knew that a member of her Clan was already dead…
The last drops fell over his hair with the gentleness of kisses when he closed the water and picked a towel.
Raz claimed she was fine. He couldn't help but doubt it. Her silence aside, who would be "fine" in a situation like that?
Once he came out of the bathroom, already dressed and his hair falling over his eyes, still humid, he saw her sitting on the floor near the window, reading a black book. He was surprised to see it was the Bible they had found inside the drawer of the little table between the beds, probably left there for religious guests.
"Raz?" He called, uncertain. The young girl raised her face to him, the gray-blue eyes like a frozen lake. Moments of that day passed by his mind again. She was a Noah among people who used Innocences. They had talked about things she likely didn't fully understand yet…
Could it be she had felt… Left out?
He had spoken to her, asked for her opinion and so had the others, though they had probably taken her silence for shyness. That might be part of it, but it was not all there was to it.
"She is a Noah…" He thought, without reason. Not even a regular human. And Raz herself was aware of this.
"What are you doing?"
Raz merely lowered the book, leaning it on her knees to show the pages scarred by words. Allen kneeled down at her side to examine it, seeing she had been reading about the Deluge and how God had told Noah to make an Ark.
"I was curious." She explained, looking back at the book, holding one of the pages as if testing the texture. "About how Exorcists are apostles of God…"
As Allen observed, Raz kept looking at the pages almost as if in search of something between the lines and shook her head slowly. The movement was suave, strands of her hair following it, so thin it was.
"I don't understand…" She sounded almost upset. "Why the clan…" She hesitated, making Allen wonder if she had been thinking about correcting herself and say "my clan", but whatever it was, the girl decided to carry on. "Wants to destroy humanity if it says in here that the family of Noah was chosen by God… They were humans." Allen could tell that she wasn't even sure if she believed what she had read or not, she had merely been searching for something and might not know what exactly herself.
Allen opened his mouth, realizing he had no idea of what to say. He remembered when he had met Road for the first time and she had said Exorcists served a false God, how the true God wanted the destruction of mankind. He had only been able to yell that this was the Devil's desire, to which she had just said she didn't care as long as humans died.
"We're always fighting them, we never stopped to ask or wonder…" It wasn't as if the Noahs ever were in a "conversational" mood when they met, but the notion was there all the same. He hadn't even spared much thought to what Road had said that day until now. With his silence, Raz looked at him, hesitating before continuing.
"And I don't understand… Faith" She closed the book, resting her back against the wall. "I don't know if I understand the belief in God."
Allen knew that for this there was no answer. Faith was unique to each person just as opinions and hearts were. Only the person could decide what they believed at the end of the day… There were aspects of it that he could explain, or try to, but how to do it properly?
"I… I think you're the one who needs to find an answer for this, Raz…"
"And there is one?" The question was so serenely made that it was almost as if it didn't matter at all. Which was not what was happening inside her: Her body felt as if harboring a tempest. It wasn't just the fact that what she had read seemed to contradict the war between Exorcists and Noahs, but all the rest as well.
"Of course there is." Allen's tone was the same as hers as he positioned himself at her side. "And it is yours. You have to think well about it and decide what you believe in…" His belief was that, for God, what mattered the most was what went through someone's heart rather than anything else. Raz still studied the black cover, one of her fingers tracing the "B" almost in caution.
Allen had the sensation his words had been far too simple in comparison to a question that was actually more complex than it seemed at first. But it was the best way of saying what he thought. Explaining faith was like explaining how it was to feel love or happiness, the person needed to experience it, just like each people had their own way of feeling emotions. He took a deep breath.
"Raz… Did something happen?"
Her eyes jumped to him as she was taken away from her thoughts.
"It's just… You've been quiet the whole day." He insisted, choosing his words carefully. "If there is something wrong, you can tell me…" Her silence this time worked as an incentive for him to go on. "Look, I know this must be hard for you, so if you want to talk about it…"
Raz blinked. The truth was, during the day, the sensation she had had on the train had returned at intervals. Like she was there with those people and, at the same time, she was not. A bodiless existence among things that had no more substance than she did…
As if she didn't belong.
Allen, Samuel, Elana… They are the same, in a way, belonging to the same side of the chessboard. Following this line of thought, she was an intruder who shouldn't even be near them. If she were a normal person, there wouldn't be a problem, but she was part of what they were supposed to fight against.
Was it right for her to stay?
Could she stay?
This hadn't only reinforced that sensation of being made of mist as it had also made her a bit sick in the stomach. It didn't help that she had been assaulted time and time again by a growing annoyance, as if she had a needle in her very core. This she recognized, it was the bloodthirst she had felt before when she had wanted to attack Allen.
But Raz found it complicated to translate those things into words properly, especially since she barely understood all of it herself. A spasm ran through her nerves, hidden and unnoticeable.
"I think this is all still too strange to me…"
The white-haired boy studied her for a while, not knowing how to talk to her in this situation before moving, as if getting more comfortable as Raz decided to approach another question that was also part of that ball of wire.
"I'm feeling useless, too…" She muttered, her expression growing more serious. Allen frowned, having a vague idea of what she meant. He waited until she sighed. "You told me the Noahs have abilities… We saw I have… Whatever that was." She tried to avoid thinking about what had happened on the train, unsure of how she felt about being able to do that and whether she liked it or not. "Only that it didn't work for anything, not before and not today. I don't like that…"
It wasn't as simple as that… He might not know enough of her ability to consider whether it was useful in battles (hadn't that white-haired Noah said something in the lines of not being a fighter?), but he rather doubted it would be useless.
Allen was quiet, an idea returning to his mind, stronger this time as he touched the lips with the tip of his tongue, unsure if he should address it or not. Training with Raz could go from black to white, passing by thousand tones of gray, each one branching in pros and cons, risks and scenarios.
"Hey, don't be like that, okay? We'll find out…" He extended his hand and caressed her shoulder before looking to the Bible. "So, have you read any other passages or just about the Deluge?"
Ana: I would like to point out that I'm unsure whether the term "biracial" might be offensive or not and if it is, I deeply apologize. English is not my first language and those things can easily lead to mistakes. For example, in my country, the term "mulato/mulata" is not considered offensive but it is in some other countries. I just wanted to make this clear. Thank you. Other than that, well, here we have a new group. Regarding why they didn't turn into Fallen Ones (hey, it would be a plot hole if I ignored that), I promise I'll explain... Eventually.
Allen: I'm still surprised that someone like Kallen knew my master.
Raz: Meaning?
Allen: Let's just say... Kallen is really different from my master. He seems too kind to be Cross' friend.
Elana: Wow, you love your master, huh?
Wisely: Excuse me, why didn't we appear in this chapter and that Levelier guy did?
Ana: Oh dear, so sorry if what is going on the Order is also important. And yeah, as if Levelier would wait too much to talk to Lenalee. And Allen's friends. Hey, the little poll I did last chapter was kinda fun, I'm thinking in doing more...
Lavi: Where AM I in this whole deal? Excuse me, hi, I've been captured, does no one cares?
Ana: You're still there, in the Black Ark. And being tortured with Fiidora's worms or whatever the hell those are. Blame Hoshino-sensei, I still following some of her plots here.
Blade: Sorry, that poll was just for that chapter alone, but no you don't have to sign. Even so, yeah, I would count Allen and Neah. However, as I mentioned, I'll think about more questions for the readers. That was kinda fun.
Neah: Told you, I have lots of fans and yes, I did...
Ana: No spoilers regarding the manga, mister. I read that, but since it's Allen we're talking about... He never gives up.
Ryukilover: It's even ironic, isn't it? When it seems your enemy that should want you dead understands you more than those who should believe in you.
Reever: Hey, I believe in Allen!
Ana: You guys are just a bunch compared to the whole Order, who are thinking Allen is a traitor anyway. Yes, Tyki (and Road, but she is still recovering) know enough about Allen to be sure he wouldn't lie to Raz or manipulate her in any way.
Allen: Of course not! What kind of person I would be?
Raz: I'm thankful for this, even though I still have my doubts.
Ana: That's her own trust issues, don't mind her. Tyki is among the Noah who would probably receive Allen with open arms if he decided to join them.
Tyki: As I said, it would be the best for him.
Allen: Oh, of course, because I've never seen the pain of the souls trapped in akumas, neither have I or someone I care about ever been hurt by you, sure, I have so many reasons to join you.
Tyki: You're getting sarcastic later, aren't you?
Ana: Both of you, quit it. Well, it's too early to tell about "sides" in this story and Allen is still getting used to not being in the Order. Not easy, since he loved that place and they now classified him as an enemy (I'll tell you: This made me so furious when I read the manga)... As for the pairings...
Wisely: She is going to...
Ana: QUIET! Yes, there will be pairings! I just won't tell which they will be. And even if this is NOT Allen/Oc fic, I never said he won't have some romance... Huhuhu.
Samuel: When she smiles like that, I swear I feel a shiver.
jy24: Yep, more Innocence Accomodators. They have been running away from some years now as though the Order has Finders everywhere, like Allen, they kept hiding and avoiding any possible contact. Since some of them faked their own deaths, it also helped.
Alison: As we said, some people from the Central may suspect this, but we don't know.
Allen: I bet Levelier does.
Ana: Not telling. Anyway, their own stories will be explained. For now they have no idea of who Allen is, let alone who Raz really is. But who said secrets can be kept forever?
Thanks everyone for the reviews! Hope to see you next chapter!