Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray Man in any way, all credit goes to Katsura Hoshino.

Summary: Forced to leave the Order, Allen comes across a secret hidden in the depths of the Ark. Now, hunted by the Noah Clan and considered an enemy by the place he once called home, he has to search for the truth... The truth about Mana, Neah and himself. Where he came from and who he really is. Uncovering a web of illusions and doubts, Allen still moves forward as he promised to do... But what do you do in a war, when you feel like you don't belong to any side?

"A song can take you back instantly to a moment or a place or even a person. No matter what else has changed in you or the world, that one song stays the same, just like that moment" – Sarah Dessen.

Act Ten – Goodbye, Not a Farewell

A family dinner is a scene that could go between extremes of coldness and warmth. People talking or just "exchanging words", sounds that can go from voices to the icy noise of cutlery among the silence. An atmosphere that has the capacity to involve and suffocate, slowly turning the air colder until the lungs hurt.

Someone who, by chance, saw the family in question, would have felt a pleasant atmosphere, heard conversation and laughter, and would probably smile at it.

One wouldn't have seen murderers. Wouldn't have seen a threat to the existence of all humanity.

Wouldn't have seen why those who knew them frequently referred to them as monsters.

Maybe a person with a higher sensibility to what hid between lines and sensations slithering in the air, as a peculiar radio wave would have some chance of feeling something that would warn his/her soul and trigger a response in the nerves. But it would be due to instincts reacting before a threat that could only be felt… For no matter what they were, the essence of the scene was still this: A pleasant family dinner.

To the Noahs, those were more common than lunches, once during the day they frequently were in different towns and missions, even with having the Black Ark as the most efficient way of transportation. And there were those among them who still enjoyed traveling by foot or train from time to time when returning from whatever mission they had agreed to.

Jasdero and Devit babbled cheerfully between themselves, sometimes provoking (or trying to) others with comments that carried less malice than those who had crossed their paths would be able to associate with them. Maashima and Tyki Mikk discussed a book the latter had read at the suggestion of the first. Fiidora and Sheryl reported (in fine details) to the Earl, who was sitting at the head of the table, his rightful place as family leader, about the last hours they had spent torturing the redheaded Exorcist (if to take information out of Bookman or to satisfy their hatred for Exorcists in general, it was hard to tell).

Wisely, Toraido and Lullubell were absent due to obligations. And the chair near the Earl, where Road usually sat, was just as empty as it had been for a while now. With his mental power, Wisely had managed to go through the particular "dream" dimension she weaved for herself (and that was passed down from incarnation to incarnation), feeling her state of recovery. What he had managed to get hadn't been more or less than what the others felt in their own blood: Road was alive, but the impact of Apocryphos had run through her whole organism as a destructive lightning that had found its way to her essence.

She was out of critical risk, but it would take time until she returned.

There was no surprise in this, however, once he heard it, Sheryl had almost lost his self-control before the idea of his "daughter" getting hurt to this point, once regular attacks of Innocence weren't able to reach her (as Allen Walker had learned by firsthand experience in the Rewinding Town) and almost attacked the redhaired Exorcist again, for no reason beyond that he was closer than any other Exorcist. The others had not accepted the news without care or fury of their own, but they were better in controlling themselves in this regard than the Noah of Desire.

If asked about the reason for these reactions, the Noahs would have been surprised by a question they would consider moronic. The answer could have ramifications, but it would be just one: They were a family.

It had been a long time since Road had last been in a similar position.

And the cause back then hadn't been any Innocence.

"He didn't talk much…" Fiidora was telling the Earl calmly, cutting a piece of beef. "And he didn't actually say anything that useful." Between him and the Earl, Sheryl chewed in silence with head held high as the noble he was. Those who knew him could notice the smallest details of his actual mood the same way one could with the signs that predict a climatic change.

There was a storm inside of him.

"Bookman is not a fool." The Earl replied in the same tone, lacking the usual cheerfulness in favor of the calculative air of a predator. "I told you he would be careful with his own words. No doubt for now he will just say what he thinks we'll consider enough to keep him alive without causing much damage to the Order..."

"I do wonder why." Fiidora grumbled, ignoring when Jasdero started to laugh because of something Devit had just said. "It isn't as if he is truly loyal to the Order and he can't risk losing the brat." He was sure Bookman's motivations had no justification as noble as sympathy or regard for another life, but rather the simple fact that he was too old to afford the luxury of losing an apprentice and going through the trouble of finding another, having to start the training all over again (if he survived and managed to escape, to begin with).

"Perhaps he is afraid of turning into a Fallen One." The Earl suggested to which Sheryl smiled lightly at the idea. No doubt it would be a pleasant sight and an interesting punishment. The chances were high (for what they knew of the Fallen procedure) since he, Bookman or not, loyal to the Order or not, was compatible with Innocence all the same and was subjugated to the same risks other Exorcists such as Suman Dark. And the old bastard was quite aware of that.

The Earl also knew that the others were interrogating him not only regarding the Order but also the Fourteenth, something he allowed once he didn't like to speak about it… At least not yet.

Besides, Bookman could have information about Neah that even he didn't know about, who knew?

The old man had confessed that Cross was the one who had told Allen Walker about Neah and his position as a host, something the Earl hadn't imagined possible even if this scenario was the one that made the most sense regarding how Walker knew of Neah. He had suspected that Cross had known Neah better than he had thought (so much the patriarch had once considered the red-haired to be the one to whom Neah had left the legacy of "Player" of the Ark), but for Cross to know even what Allen Walker truly was…

Golden eyes hidden behind glasses went through the others. Maashima talked about a part of the book with Tyki, whose glass still had some wine near an empty plate. The Noah of Pleasure didn't have quite a demanding and picky palate as his brother but knew how to appreciate food of hight quality like anyone else. Maashima shook his head with a smile as he commented about the choices made by a particular character and what had pushed him to it (apparently, he considered whatever it was the best decision in the situation).

"It would be better if Wisely just broke his mind." Sheryl sighed with a cold smile, despite knowing the uselessness of the idea. Bookman had been trained to protect the information he had in several ways and this included methods a normal person usually was unaware of. Wisely could dissect his mind in search of what they wanted and there was still the risk that his abilities would leave the old man's mind in an unrecoverable state without getting what they wanted to know.

It was a too risky procedure, so they had left it aside.

For now.

"But he can't go on like this for long" Fiidora intervened, turning to the other. "Not with my worms inside that brat of his."

The Earl nodded to both as an akuma took away his plate and replaced it for a large glass cup with ice cream, serving the others as well. Jasdero attacked his without hesitation and only Maashima opted for a piece of cake instead, not being a fan of cold food.

"Give it time, the successor won't be able to stand it anymore, neither will him. Bookman knows this." The Earl carried on. He had dealt with prisoners who resisted telling whatever he wanted to know in the past and knew the fine art involved in those matters. No matter how unwilling to speak the victim might be, there were ways to deal with them. Some cracked under little pressure, others while with others, a dance was necessary, alternating between tactics. It depended on the personality and circumstances. With Bookman, it was easy to tell what would be needed not because of any indication in his personality or manners, but because they all knew what the man valued due to his position.

"Patience is needed, give him time to go through his options and say what he considers harmless. In the end, it won't help him." Knowing the value of the information he could provide and trained to regard his "record" as more important than life itself (his or anyone else's), a death ultimatum wouldn't work, at least not verbally and neither so soon (though it had been weeks since their capture). Pretenses of politeness or kindness that made some people want to give at least a little information to prevent being mistreated (useful with victims that had seen the corpses the Noahs left behind or had witnessed their powers) wouldn't fool him. Talking about themselves (while actually offering nothing that could be used against them) to create a false sense of conversation was also pointless.

So, while they had to balance how much pressure to apply, at times backing off and allowing small "deals" to be made (such as not destroying their Innocences), the best way to weaken Bookman was by leaving the threat of pain and death to take roots inside him and his apprentice (more with the latter) along with Fiidora's worms.

Eventually, Bookman would realize that he was running out of what he considered "information safe to divulge" and that he and his pet pupil wouldn't be able to hold on the torture of the Noahs for much longer. What Bookman truly feared, they knew, was the loss of all the valuable knowledge he had gained through years and his "successor", not the loss of "Lavi".

After all, there wouldn't be records of the history of that war if they were dead.

Those threats, never spoken out loud and rather felt, would grow seeds inside them and there would be a moment when Bookman wouldn't have a choice besides telling what the Noah wanted to know.

Patience and time, with a dosage of pain. Simple, but efficient.

Sheryl shrugged, still with a small smile. He was fully aware of all this, even though the old man's resistance enraged him due to his own desire for immediate results.

The conversation took another path, about a party hosted by a politician in another town some days ago, which they had attended. Hearing this, Devit giggled, happy he hadn't needed to be there while Sheryl shivered with the idea of the twins in an environment of that nature. Devit and his brother caught this reaction and demanded to know what it meant.

At the end of the dinner, Sheryl and Tyki were the first to stand.

"Going already?" Maashima asked. The brothers nodded. When they stood near each other, it was easier to see similarities in their features.

"Yeah, we better get on with it." Tyki replied nonchalantly, running his hand through his hair. Even though Road had liked it so much and he was getting used to it, he was seriously thinking about cutting it nonetheless. At his side, Sheryl smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm excited~! It's always so nice to spend time with my dear, sweet brother!"

"Stop that…" Tyki pushed his hand away, rolling eyes and ignoring the mocking grin of Jasdero. Genuine as the affection was, the way his half-brother chose to make it known tended to be so expansive it became either creepy or embarrassing. Often both. "You're giving me goosebumps again."

The Earl looked at them with a gleam that was hard to interpret.

"You both know what to do. No more and no less." He told them in a soft tone that had a gentle warning quite similar to a father remembering his children to behave in a toy or candy store before he waved. "So, good luck! Come back safely~!"

XxX

"Welcome back!" Reever said, approaching the two Exorcists who nodded and greeted back. Behind them, the portal of the Ark created a light that involved their bodies in a white halo, creating a contrast with the black clothing.

Krory hid his hand in one of his pockets, taking out a small object. Reever saw his fingers were stained with dried blood, cracking in some points like an old glove crumbling under the effects of time.

"It was a close call, but we did it." He muttered as Lenalee, at his side, just looked at the Innocence. Though they were assigned to different units (he, from Sokaro Unit, she from Klaud's), they would still be paired together in missions, due to how few Exorcists remained. A fact in Krory and Lenalee's favor was how well they worked together.

While the three of them walked towards the wing where Hevlaska's area was, someone saw them pass by and opened her way among people going in the opposite direction.

"Krory! Lenalee!" Miranda's dark hair was a wave in her back. "Welcome back, okaerinasai!" The young woman still managed a smile of sorts. "How are you guys?"

"A little sore, some light wounds, but fine otherwise." Krory told her and hesitated for a second. The Central demanded them to tell every little detail about their missions to the superiors, so the Order could have a notion of the progress of Noahs and Akuma alike and how to counter-attack, but it wasn't the same of talking about it with a friend. "We met two akuma level Three and one Noah."

Reever turned at them at once, having not yet heard the report of their mission. Miranda became very quiet.

"Which one?" She asked in a whisper. The only Noahs she had personally seen besides Road had been the woman with a ponytail who had invaded the Order last time and a guy with messy, short hair she had seen in Russia, who had kept them there along with the Noah twins whom she had, until then, only known by their description and names. Reever's eyes went from Krory to Lenalee, but the girl remained in silence.

"That guy with black, short hair, and a sword. From Russia." The vampire Exorcist told them. "I think his name is Toraido, if I understood correctly…" He knew what both expected and shook his head. "He didn't say anything about him."

"Do you think…"

"No… If they were with him, he would have said so. It would be quite a blow to us." Krory replied aware that if he said Allen's name, quite some people around would turn their heads and soon, he was willing to bet anything, Levelier would want him and Lenalee to respond to more questions than usual when they gave reports of their missions.

Krory didn't feel at all like putting up with Levelier. That one time had been quite enough already.

In her silence, Lenalee relived again the fight. Aware that they couldn't stand a Noah for long without being severely hurt, they had decided to get the Innocence as fast as they could and run back to the Ark's portal. They recalled far too well the fights in the White Ark and how, during the attack to the Order in Alma Karma's case, the Noahs had just fought them to prevent them from getting back to help, leaving at once when apparently being informed by Earl somehow that it was enough.

Every time they thought about it, they were forced to recognize that, directly, they had rarely won a fight against the Noah.

It wasn't a comforting thought.

"How can we win this war?" Krory reflected, for as much as they fought, as much as they trained, it felt like an unending spiral under the illusion of progress.

Lenalee had fought akumas at Krory's side, trying to prevent them from getting the Innocence and seeking to escape Toraido's attacks. The sword in his hand was different from Allen's and the Earl's, but no less dangerous. The blade had given the impression to shiver somehow and when the Noah waved it, a pressure was created in the air that lunged with a fury able to tear bodies apart inside out.

It was the first time they faced the Noah of Judgment like that.

Without saying a word, Toraido attacked while Lenalee tried to avoid him. The environment around heated up with the fight and even with the Dark Boots in their new form, she couldn't avoid the feeling (or the mental image) that she was somehow melting inside and wouldn't be able to stand it if she stopped avoiding him. Nearby, Krory attacked the akumas, that had laughed and provoked, asking if the Noah Master would let them tear apart the bodies of the Exorcists after they were done torturing them.

Among a storm of heat and wind, Lenalee had tried to interrogate the Noah, to find out if he knew something about Allen and what they were doing to Lavi and Bookman. The Noah male had just stared at her with eyes of golden ice. While Krory's reasoning made sense, she couldn't help her doubts. Contrary to Tyki Mikk or Road, who didn't seem the type to let the chance of provoking their enemies pass, that one was rather quiet.

At a moment, Lenalee had almost managed to kick him, but Toraido had sliced the air with the sword. A wave of sharp heat had attacked her body to devour the flesh. The girl had gained the skies, escaping. Yet, the impact alone of Toraido's sword had cut her thigh open and blood had been freed.

Lenalee had ignored it, still trying to inquire him while she attacked, aiming a kick in his head.

Toraido had turned a second before the impact, grabbing her ankle, the fingers of iron seeking to crush the bone.

"Do shut up." He had hissed in a cold voice that dissipated other sensations. Without waiting for answers, he had thrown her in the opposite direction. Lenalee had managed to find balance in the air, but it was filled by unseen flames and a storm had caught her by surprise. A wound had appeared in her arm when the wind itself had sliced her, an inviable burning blade.

Face empty of anything that was not traits of deep boredom, Toraido had kept attacking.

"Do you actually believe I have the duty of telling you whatever it is?" He had asked in a controlled and tedious tone, not even panting despite being in constant movement. Lenalee had gitted her teeth, defending herself, swearing she would get him to respond. An arrow of pain had run over her body, making her bite her lower lip.

"Allen… Lavi… Bookman…"

It was all because of them, those Noahs.

Everything was wrong now and it was their fault.

"You should open your eyes." The Noah had went on, never altering his expression. An explosion behind them told Lenalee that Krory had probably defeated one of the akumas. Apparently, Toraido hadn't cared. "You're an Exorcist, the host of the Fourteenth is fated to become a Noah. Don't pretend to care for him."

She had understood what he meant. That Allen would become a Noah whether his conscious was erased by Neah or if he managed to survive it.

"Pretend? How dare you…" Lenalee had started, avoid a new wave of heat.

"He was in a dungeon when Tyki and Road found him." He had recalled, reporting the fact with simplicity. "The Order already sees him as an enemy. He has nothing to do with you any longer."

Lenalee had felt as if the words had cut her more than his sword ever could. She had opened her mouth to protest, but Toraido, completely uninterested in a debate, had just told her to be quiet and tried to slice her head off. From then on, he had ignored whatever she said.

Somehow, they had escaped alive and with the Innocence. She knew she would have to live it once again when telling the details in her report and pieces of it would reappear in her dreams while others would become blurred, just enough to remain in the back of the brain, something she was sincerely grateful for. Lenalee wouldn't be able to sleep again if she wasn't able to bury at least some moments of the fights. Still, the Noah's words had left marks and she knew Krory had heard them as well, with his heightened senses of a vampire.

She held her elbows, ignoring the echo inside her. No, she had to believe in Allen, she had to believe in him… Just because he carried memories of a Noah, it didn't mean anything, right? Allen would never change, nothing would ever truly change, she knew it.

There had to be a way to fix everything.

"But why did he leave?" The question slithered in her mind, a snake spreading poison. "He knew that if he left, we would have to fight someday." He could have come back. Certainly, together, they could have explained what had happened and the Order would have understood. After all, it was the logic, right? If the Noahs were after him, wasn't it obvious that at some moment they would try taking him by force?

If at least she could find him, she was sure she could explain to him that he needed to come back and explain things calmly. His return by free will would help to prove that he was not at the Noahs' side. The longer he stayed away, then more people would start to doubt his loyalty!

Allen needed to come back.

"He has nothing to do with you any longer" Toraido had said.

No, he didn't know a thing about Allen. Allen was not an enemy and she wouldn't fight him.

The girl took a deep breath with care so no one would notice it. And Lavi… Lavi was still there with the Noahs…

If they had killed him and Bookman, the bodies would have been found already, so they had to be alive.

Right?

"Hey, guys!" A member of the Science Department called after them. They waited for her to catch up, still holding the Innocence. Panting, the woman leaned her hands on her knees, strands of red hair falling over her face as she fought to recover her breath. "Thought you guys should know!"

She lifted her face to them, smiling.

"Chaozii woke up!"

XxX

"Help me turn this a little, alright?" Elana asked while lifting a side of a long oak table with carved legs. Raz picked the other side and they carried it together, turning it to a corner in the wall so Elana could roll the rug on the floor. It a corner in the living room, there was a bucket and a rag to clean it.

On the day after fighting for the Innocence, the Exiled, Allen, and Raz had left the town in a train to a location chosen at random, not wanting to risk wasting any time. Two days following their arrival, after wandering around, Elana and Raz had managed to convince an old man to hire them to clean his house as long as they stayed in town. Lauren and Alison were still searching for something to do, with not much success until now.

Samuel and Allen were at the train station, where they had got a job helping men loading boxes and baggage in the trains. The night when they had been hired, Samuel had told the rest of the group how some workers had expressed doubt that Allen would be able to endure the heavy cargo, which was not hard to see why: When standing close to a bear of a man such as Samuel, Allen looked even smaller and thinner. Those doubts had lasted until the boy had proved them wrong by carrying a huge box made of heavy wood. According to Samuel, some of the men's surprised faces had been worth seeing.

Preferring to get as much money as possible, for the eventually of a future emergency, Allen had still hit some bars after dinner, earning a reasonable amount of money, careful to not stay long enough for people to remember his face.

Once they called it a day, Allen and Raz would leave to an empty park, where they could train. Perhaps using an open area like that was not the best idea considering how they wanted to call as little attention as possible, but they had no other options. He wasn't activating his Exorcist Sword for now, despite Raz's initials protests. At first, he had settled for teaching her basic moves without any use of their abilities and only recently had considering using Crown Clown, still in the shape of his arm.

It hadn't been easy at first.

Raz hadn't shown initially, but Allen soon realized she was afraid. Afraid of the unknown sensations that moved in her organs. He could be ignorant in the matters of how such things worked with the Noah, but didn't think it should be quite unexpected. And it should be complicated to learn something that should come as natural and didn't. It was the same as teaching someone how to breathe… Watching her and the way the shadows moved when she breathed life into them, Allen couldn't help but think that having something like that inside oneself could feel like it would take a crack to make everything escape and run around in a gleeful fury.

Due to this, control could elude her in a way it didn't for Allen and his Innocence.

Seeing this, Allen had decided to divide the training into two parts: Raz practiced, invoking shadows and experimenting with what she could do with them and until what point they bent to her will. It was not only a way to make her recall, even if subconsciously, her ability. It was also a way of getting her used to it. Allen remembered the first time his Innocence had activated… How it had frightened him and how it had taken him time to get the hang of it.

Raz had confessed to not be too comfortable with whatever it was that her power did. Allen had understood: He didn't know how her power worked or what the shadows truly became under her command, but it was not something that could be considered pleasant to witness. As much as that was part of her, no wonder she was unsure (not to mention the circumstances when her ability had first responded to her distress).

Still, facing that unknown part of herself was better than being useless, so Raz would practice at any given chance. Timcampy at times would fly closer to her, twitching his golden tail as if curious to what she was doing.

They would then train fighting without using either of their abilities, with Allen teaching her attacks and defensive moves.

She was starting to learn how to solidify shadows more easily (it wasn't the accurate term, merely the only one available in lack of one that better translated what it was), yet there were several times when, while trying to use them along with some move Allen had taught her, her control would slip and they would return to being a black mist. Her agility and reflexes were improving, almost as if her body was recovering memories of what it had known, regardless of how her mind had forgotten it.

But there was still something else besides this that made Raz almost certain that her memories still existed, somewhere deep inside her: Her dreams.

It wasn't always, but there were times when images assaulted her sleep, that Raz was sure had something to do with her past, not that she had been able to recall them exactly or find meaning in them. One night, Raz had woken up from what had been a storm of shadows and sounds, images and figures that had run to the depths of her mind without her being able to bring separate one from another clearly enough to decipher them. Only their vague shapes could be noticed, like cruel children, laughing at her.

It had to have been a nightmare, for her body shivered without her control, a dry scream suffocating her throat, her eyes hurting as they blinked to drink the reality around, confirming she was safe… Raz had wanted to cry, she knew it, but didn't know why and her tears couldn't come anymore, useless as they would have been. So, Raz had limited herself in risking making a few shadows move in the walls, only to distract herself until she could wrap herself in the covers and try to sleep again.

She did wonder what kind of memory this had been.

"Ra-az?" Elana snapped her fingers in front of her, making the girl blink as she was shaken from her thoughts. "You went on flying and left me here alone."

Raz waved in apology.

"Sorry, I had my mind elsewhere." To this, Elana nodded in understanding before carrying on.

"Well, would you rather pass the rag on the floor or clean up the shelves?" On another side of the room, there were three shelves close to the wall, with old-looking books, small sculptures and boxes richly worked, one in Arabic style. The old man who had hired them lived alone since the death of his wife years ago. They had assumed she had been the woman in the photos, who was always smiling.

"I'll take the shelves." She decided, picking a rag and continuing the cleaning as Elana used another one to clean the floor, using something that left a nice smell in the air.

"How much longer do you think we'll be staying here?" Elana asked and Raz shrugged in a sign she didn't know. "I mean, I like it and it is nice…" She would receive no disagreements from Raz about this point. "But I'm not used to stay in one place for more than a couple of weeks."

Raz could understand this quite well. They had been here for a while as it was. Their wounds had completely healed by now, which Allen had commented to be more due to their own healing rate rather due to them looking worse than they actually were. He could already walk without any pain and the bruises in Lauren's body, for what she had told them when asked about it, were fading.

As Elana had said, the place was nice enough and they were making some money. Raz, not being used to it, wasn't sure of how many weeks were considered time enough.

"Alison told you guys once spent almost a month somewhere in Wales…?"

"Oh, we did." The blonde chuckled softly, placing a strand of hair behind her ear. "It was fun, actually, the owner of a hotel allowed us to stay in exchange for helping with the rooms. But then one day we saw a Finder who knew Lauren, so we decided to leave. It was better than to take the risk of bumping into him, the Order would know at once that she was alive…" She shook her head while telling it.

This made Raz thoughtful. She and Allen had their reasons for not wanting to remain in a place for long, being hunted as they were… With that Noah man having seen them together, there was little chance that they hadn't attracted the Earl's attention to the rest of the group as well...

"Nice…" She thought to herself, suddenly feeling guilty. She could only hope the Earl would be far more preoccupied with actual Exorcists or that he wouldn't care about the rogue group that much…

But she already knew better than to rely on hope alone.

XxX

Allen placed the third box on the top of another carefully. What they contained, he didn't know, but they were heavy alright, boasting the name of some exportation company painted on the wood. A man at his side with a notebook watched the loading, writing some last notes down before placing it inside his pocket, nodding to Allen, who replied the same manner and walked away.

He knew some of his "colleagues" had been surprised to see that, despite his age, Allen could carry as much weight as they did. In the end, it wasn't much of hard work, he considered, just brawl-based and it didn't bother him. After all, it wasn't as if he hadn't ever done something similar before and, used to being active as he was, Allen didn't tire easily either. He still had the energy to train with Raz most nights. It was rather useful, as it allowed him to shut part of his mind, while the rest remained focused on whatever he had to do, stopping unpleasant thoughts.

However, Allen knew he should start to think about where to go and do… He couldn't just keep wandering aimlessly like that… And since he had seen Tyki, the words the Noah had told him back in the night when he had left (escaped) the Order echoed in his mind stronger than usual.

"Having two monsters inside of you, you don't even try to understand what you are. You sow chaos wherever you go. You are the worst, Allen Walker."

The words had shocked him when first hearing them, but now he didn't bother arguing with them even in the isolation of his own mind. He had been thinking about Neah before Apocryphos showed up… Wondering if things could change, should he learn something about Neah...

How could he deal with a situation he didn't understand?

"Doesn't having monsters inside of me makes me one as well?"

And it wasn't Neah alone. He had been thinking about Cross as well… And then he remembered someone who maybe, maybe, could know the same things his Master did.

"Maybe she can say. And if Master is alive, he may have passed by there too..." Well, maybe, maybe not… Not when Cross had left debts with her just as well. Old Mother had been quite furious at his sheer audacity. Knowing his Master, Allen hadn't been that surprised, just embarrassed.

Maybe this was all useless, but it was the only idea he had for now. It was better than nothing.

The idea still made him hesitate a little… He didn't feel quite eager to part ways with Elana and the others, but at the same time, Tyki's words had had the effect the Noah had probably aimed for: Allen had no idea of how to tell them about the Fourteenth, or even if he should. He hadn't even told Raz yet and she had at least the right to know…

It wouldn't be fair to pull them to the center of the storm he was in. The Noah would probably go after them now too that Tyki had seen them together…

"Oh, but you're not hesitating about telling them the truth just for their safety, are you?" He decided to not address the thought.

Raz would rather go with him no matter where this she had said herself. He knew he should tell her about everything now, but had no idea how to even start the conversation…

She, probably, had known Neah.

Maybe she would remember things little by little and perhaps what he could tell her, while not exactly helpful in this regard, would at least be some sort of stimuli. That morning, Allen has asked her how she had slept and, with an absent air, Raz confessed she had dreamt about someone singing, making his mind go straight to Neah.

"Do you remember anything about it?" He had asked, trying to pretend he had no idea of what it could be and hiding his anxiety. "A face or the voice?"

Raz had shaken her head slowly, not taking her eyes off him. The white-haired boy had then hesitated, it could have been really just a dream… Yet, he pressed on anyway.

"By any chance… Was the music something like this?" And he started, not realizing his voice shivered in the air of the room. With the Ark, he just needed to think about the lyrics. He hadn't actually sung that in a long time…

Soshite bouya wa nemuri ni tsuita – So the little infant fell into a deep sleep
Ikizuku hai no naka no honoo – Among the gray ashes shining in the flames
Futatsu no ukabu fukurami itoshiii yokogao – First one, then two, surfaces numerous faces
Daichi ni taruru ikusen no yume, yume – And a thousand dreams fall back to Earth

Slowly, Allen's voice became firmer as the song went on. For a moment, he wasn't even in the room at all… The little boy who had learned that song and strange letters were back, the boy who used to scribble them in the snow with a stick and mumbled the song awkwardly while trying to learn it, guided by Mana…

No one had ever taught him anything like this before. He had been taught to stay out of the way, to not cry when hit, to endure pain, and to work for his keep… No one ever bothered to teach him about beautiful things that felt light, that seemed to be able to heal unseen wounds.

Yet, his voice was no longer that of a child.

Raz frowned… She tilted her head to the side as she heard him and slowly, apparently not even aware of what she was doing, her voice joined Allen's.

Gin no hitomi no yuragu yoru ni – On the night when silver eyes shivered
Umare ochita kagayaku omae – The shining you was born
Ikuoku no toshitsuki ga – Across millions of years
Ikutsu inori wo tsuchi e kaesshitemo – Prayers have already returned to Earth

Lifting one of her hands, Raz touched her throat with the tip of her fingers as if realizing what she was doing, confusion surging in her eyes and yet, she didn't stop singing… The voice of the Noah and of the Exorcist followed the same cadence, mating in the empty room in a lonely sound that gave the music the quality of a requiem, a requiem to the past, to memory and bonds…

That was a lonely song of someone who kept singing and praying, hoping for light and that whoever could be listening would care for a child, enough to teach them what love was. Someone in the dark kept singing and hoping, singing and hoping…

Watashi wa inori tsuzukeru – I will still continue to pray
Douka konoko ni ai wo – Please, bestow your love upon this child
Tsunaida te ni kisu wo – And upon our joined hands, leave a gentle kiss

The silence wrapped them, born out of the last note.

Finally, the Noah girl, not blinking, shook her head slowly, clouds gathering in her eyes.

"N-No…" She muttered as if to herself. "The melody wasn't that, I know it, but…"

Her eyes went to the floor and back to Allen, with the look of someone lost while her face remained expressing nothing.

"How do I know this song?" And Allen felt the rest of her question in the air: And how do you know it?

Allen didn't find that surprising that Raz knew that song… It had been there in the Ark, so it should be natural that more Noahs knew it, not only Neah or even the Earl… He had to admit it hurt, somehow. Allen had always seen that song as belonging just to him and Mana, something special they shared only between the two of them… It was a childish notion, he told himself, but the feeling persisted all the same.

"I… I've heard it once." While he tried to reason this was not an exact lie, it still tasted like one. "A person taught it to me. Later I found out some Noahs knew it too, so…" He didn't need to carry on and say that he had considered Raz might as well. The girl gazed at him with an unreadable expression and Allen knew at once that she wasn't accepting a weak-sounding explanation easily.

She limited herself to nod.

"No… It wasn't that one" She repeated. "The melody was another… But this song also feels… I don't know how to say it. Familiar."

It had been more than that, Allen guessed. Raz hadn't interrogated him further on the subject and this had only made him feel worse. He realized then it had been almost a month since she had woken up and, though he could see she still had several questions about what truly had happened between him and the Order, the Noah girl didn't say anything. Allen knew she was waiting for him to tell it in his own time and he knew he should do it soon…

But he didn't even want to think about certain things.

"And how will you face a situation you don't even want to talk about? You're just running away…" A sarcastic voice, too similar to Tyki Mikk's for comfort echoed inside his skull. Well, they would leave this city soon and then he would tell her… Maybe they could discuss with Samuel and the others about ways to meet later? They probably had some hotels and inns that they…

The boy froze.

Instinct dominating his body, he watched the course of some people leaving the train to hide behind one of the brick columns that separated the covered area of the platform under the open sky, pretending to be looking at nothing in particular.

"Let it not be… Let me be wrong, may it be just my imagination…"

It wasn't.

Among the crowd, he recognized black robes with a hood, white straps in the shoulders, black pants… Head held high, the person seemed to be examining the surroundings. Nothing of this would mean anything, if it wasn't for the silver-like rose cross in one of the straps. The companion at his side wore the same clothes. They were engaged in a conversation while walking across the platform. Allen made sure to stay away from their path, sliding to the other side of the column.

"They don't look like Finders… But I don't think they are Exorcists either." Whoever they were, that particular cross could only mean one thing. He walked away, having to force himself to not run, to not call any attention as he looked around until he spotted a tall man helping to take bags out of the train.

He hoped they hadn't seen him while getting off the train. He hoped they had been too caught up in whatever they were doing to pay attention to workers around, even someone of the man's size.

"Samuel!" Allen called without raising his voice, rushing closer and gesturing with his head. Seeing the hardness in his eyes, the black man followed him to a corner without any words. Being on the run for longer than Allen, Samuel had an idea of what this expression could mean.

"We need to leave. Now." The boy whispered. As he explained quickly what he had seen, Samuel Kallen's face started to reflect the same worry that he felt. "I just saw two men with the symbol of the Black Order. They aren't Exorcists or Finders, so they can only be agents from the Central."

"Are you sure?"

"I saw the rose cross, I'm telling you…"

Samuel nodded, not needing him to finish it.

"Listen, I'll go make up an excuse…" He started, trying to keep a controlled tone. Between the people from the Order, the agents of the Central were those they needed to avoid the most. When he was an Exorcist, Samuel hadn't gotten to know many of them, let alone well, for which he was actually grateful. "Go warn the girls, we'll meet in the inn and leave. Be careful."

Allen nodded and left, wishing he had been wearing a coat or something to hide his white hair today. He felt cold. Behind him, Samuel had started to apologize to their colleagues while turning to go search for their boss, all the time trying to imagine a sad story about tragic news that would work well enough as a justification for their abrupt leaving. And that wouldn't take much time or make the man ask too many questions as well.

Allen walked the street at fast steps. Central's Agents. He didn't know if they used to travel around, like the Finders did from time to time. Would they be searching for him? It was a likely possibility, wasn't it? Oh, even if those two weren't, there should be a demand now to kill or capture him on sight.

His stomach turned at this.

He had to go fast. All that mattered now was leaving the city.

XxX

"What do you mean, you guys aren't coming with us?" Lauren asked shocked when Allen gave them the news and was looking now from him to Raz. She seemed to be hoping that this was a joke with a bad timing. "But… C'mon, you guys can't be serious…?"

Her disappointment, which was shared by the others, came as a surprise to Allen, who also realized he would have liked to say "no", to change his mind and go ahead with her and the others, boarding the same train… But this didn't mean he could. Not now, at least…

"We need to go to another town, Lauren…" Raz explained. Now that the time had come, she was not so happy with splitting from the group either. "We will meet you guys later." That was what she and Allen hoped and the reason why they were asking the Exiled to tell them a list of hotels and inns they used to stay in, so they could try keeping contact. It was not the easiest method, but with the Exiled not having a Golem of their own, it was the only way.

"But what for?" Lauren insisted.

"What if something happens to you two?" Elana asked, an old, patched-up backpack of her own on her shoulders. The train she and the others had picked would take them to a far away city at west while Allen had been lucky to find one that would take him and Raz to another station where they could get another that would take them to Liverpool.

"We'll be careful, we promise." Raz tried to calm the girl. It was the best she could say and not that they would be fine, this would be a promise they might not be able to maintain and she was aware of it. "If you promise you'll be too..." She added tentatively.

"Hey…" Alison tried to smile. "How do you think we managed to stay free during all these years?"

After going to the house Raz and Elana were working and explained the need to leave (Elana had made up a story of receiving an urgent letter to the man, warning that her mother was sick), they had gone back to pack their things and close the bill in the inn along with Alison and Lauren. While they were in the room checking their backpacks, in his hurry, Allen had just told Raz they needed to go to that particular city because there was someone there who could, perhaps, answer some questions.

"We could go together, it doesn't make a difference to us…" Samuel suggested once again, but both Allen and Raz denied, saying there was no need… They knew there were certain things they still needed to do alone.

The Exiled still didn't know the truth about them…

"No, don't worry. We… We just need to take care of a few things. We'll meet you all later." Allen repeated, shaking his head with a smile. How many times had he said similar things to his friends? Samuel rolled his eyes and Lauren scoffed at the idea of not getting worried.

"Allen… Raz…" Alison muttered as she crossed her arms. "You both must be among the most stubborn people I've ever met in my entire life…"

Both just shrugged, knowing this was for the better. Allen found himself risking.

"We're not more stubborn than Lauren, right?"

"Hey!" The girl's protest failed as she couldn't hold a smile. There were a couple of laughs, but the weight of the nervousness infiltrated itself in the sound and stole its strength. Every "goodbye" could easily turn into a "farewell"… Alison sighed. She knew they had to respect the other's decision of leaving, even if she didn't quite agree. A part of her wondered if they were indeed just going to another town or back to the Order… But the suspicion felt weak. It didn't seem likely… What they were planning, she didn't know, so all she could do was to hope they would be alright.

"Allen is strong. He managed to stand a direct fight against that Noah, after all…" It wasn't enough to make her feel more convinced that things would be alright with the two of them, but then, nothing would. Alison believed one of the facts of life was that one could never be sure that nothing bad would happen, not that acceptance made it any better. Old memories agitated inside Alison and the girl fought against the river that threatened her mind.

"You guys have the list, right? You know where we're going to, right?" Lauren asked, giving up trying to tell them to stay. Allen nodded as he lifted a small piece of paper, with several names and numbers scribbled on it, of some of the places the Exiled used to stay when passing by cities they had been before. Allen and Raz just hoped they could at least try to call those places and talk about a way to meet again.

With a sigh, Lauren hugged them, followed by Alison.

"Whatever you guys have to deal with, do it…" Elana muttered as she hugged Allen, caressing his hair gently. She had a sweet, warm smell. "And then, you meet us again, agreed?"

"Be careful" Samuel told Raz as he caressed her head after a hug that had seemed like a bear trying to hug a small doe. "Take care of each other, always."

"That goes for you guys as well…" Raz replied slowly, making Lauren laugh.

"Okay, mommy."

Allen and Raz's train would leave later. They followed the Exiled as they boarded and waved when the train started to move, a brown serpent that left a trail of white smoke in the air.

"We'll see each other again…" Allen muttered, more to himself when lowering his hand and holding Raz's. Perhaps his words weren't meant just for the Exiled… He couldn't say. Perhaps he hoped he would see them again just as he hoped he would see his friends someday.

"The dungeon. The fear of falling asleep and being possessed. Slowly losing his track of time, drowning in the silence…"

He pushed those thoughts away as he would do with a snake.

He didn't want to think about it.

And this, now, this was just a goodbye.

It was just a "goodbye".

Ana: Not exactly the best chapter or with the most action, but Allen wouldn't go to Mother's with the Exiled. Not only because he still can't tell them the truth, but also because he needs some time.

Lauren: So, we're put in a bus? Train, whatever?

Ana: Nope. I didn't create those guys just to have them in a couple of chapters and then kick them out. They will be back after some more chapters. Allen still has things to sort out…

Road: At least you mentioned me. Glad to know you didn't forget me!

Ana: If I tried you would stab my eyes…

Road: What was that again?

Ana: Nothing, nothing…

Road: I want to recover soon! I want to see Allen again!

Ana: Yeah, right, you want to kiss him again, that's what.

Sheryl: MY DAUGHTER DID WHAT?

Ana: Uops.

Allen (cold sweat): "Uops"? That's all you have to say?

Sheryl: I'LL KILL YOU BRAT, YOU KISSED MY ROAD!

Allen (Running): ME? She was the one that kissed ME, I didn't do anything! Not my fault!

Sheryl: So you're saying you didn't like being kissed by my dear daughter? HOW DARE YOU!

Allen: No, that's not… I mean… Can someone help me here?

Ana: Sorry, he creeps me out.

Wisely: Good luck, kiddo.

Tyki: Just keep running, boy.

Ana: Speaking of which! Idea! I really liked asking the readers about their favourite Noah and all, so I decided to do more of those "poll" like questions! In the manga (not this fic), which pairings you guys like?

Lenalee: Though you'd ask about the pairings in this fic…

Ana: I'm not sure people started making ships here. So, I'm just giving it time. I want to know their shipping in the manga! No number limit, no gender limit, no limit, I just want to know what shippings you guys have!

sparklehannah: Whew, thank goodness. One of the things I really tried to go for was that scary vibe the Noahs can give off, but I wasn't sure I was doing it right. They can be really terrifying and I wanted to write them like that! I'm relieved I did well!

Raz: He certainly creeped me out.

Ana: Because of the fight, power, Teases, or just due to being himself?

Raz: Honestly, I guess all of it…

Allen: I know, even if he saved me, I won't forget him threatening to rip my heart off and then putting a Tease inside to eat it.

Ana: I would have nightmares for the rest of my life after that… Yeah, it was the first time the Exiled actually met a Noah. They left the Order some years before Allen came and it was after he arrived that the Noah Family started to appear personally in front of the Exorcists.

Lauren: As I thought, if we had met them before, we would be dead.

Alison: We gotta train more…

Ana: Well, I'm catholic, but I think that what truly matters, in the end, is not what you believe or if you believe, but rather the kind of person you are. Raz is trying to find out what she believes and thinks, as well as what she likes. And Allen, well, he is Allen. Their friendship is slowly getting stronger.

Alison: Yeegar… He…

Ana: No spoilers. I'll tell it all eventually, but yeah, Alison and Samuel knew him… As for the church, yes. I thought that small churches perhaps wouldn't be aware of the Order (the one in Krory's village didn't, for example. They knew of Cross and recognized the coat because of that, but they didn't know of akumas). Mana and Jon are among those people who like to help others and offer support, helping to guide them when they feel lost. I confess I based those characters actually in two priests I met (one when I was little, other who I met two years ago) who gave me strength during very dark periods of my life. So when I was making those characters, I remembered them…

Alison: At least there are people who care for others…

Ana: While sadly most people can care only about themselves, there are still those who care about others even if they don't even know them. Yeah, it was funny in the end, Allen had thought about training before, but hadn't said anything because he was a bit nervous at the idea of perhaps "provoking" Raz's genes.

Allen: I'm sorry, but I don't know much about Noah or how they… I don't know, think, work?

Raz: Don't look at me, I don't know either.

Ana: In the end, you both were worried about the same thing. They split for now, but don't worry, the Exiled will be back in the future and they will have their part in this story and this war. Hey, I'm the one grateful! As I said, your review was amazing and I really love it when readers tell me why and what they like about my work, what they want or think that will happen! If my story made you get involved like this, it means a lot to me! Damn, I hate cold. Hope you're okay there and that the storm didn't cause any trouble!

bibliophile030: Thanks so much for this! I really put effort into creating this plot and the OCs. Well, I don't think there was any room for romance, in the beginning, considering it started with Allen having to run off… Who would think about love in this situation?

Wisely: Romance will happen, but later.

Ana: For now, just people getting to know each other and others trying to accept and deal with the current events… Thanks again so much for the review! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story too, believe me, there will be more revelations to come.

jy24: Close, but not yet… While the Exiled got the feeling there is something they are not telling, they don't think it is something as big as it truly is. They just think something bad happened in the Order, like it happened to all of them and made them leave…

Allen: I know I should tell them…

Ana: And tell Raz too, young man…

Allen: I know, I know…

Ana: That's what Allen fears and Raz is starting to, as well. That they have no option, no home… While Raz's nature pushes her to be with her family, her wish to be with her friend is just as strong. Not a funny position for her or Allen…

Earl: They have nowhere to go! They will be better off with us! We just want our family to be complete!

Raz: I don't even remember you!

Earl: That hurt, Raz…

Allen: And I can just go to Hell and let my body be taken by Neah? Not a chance!

Earl: Dear boy, you speak as if you had a choice in the matter! The memory of the Fourteenth is inside you!

Allen: And I don't care.

Ana: Uh, excuse me? We're answering reviews here, not starting a debate team… Indeed. While the first reason to let them go now is attracting Apocryphos (and well, to prolong the fun of the game), they are waiting for them to realize this… But if they take too long and the Earl gets tired of waiting… Yeah, it won't be pretty.

Dragonfire719: Glad to know you like my story! Yeah, not sure about the ages or the hair, but hey, I'm just working with the info I had. Like I said, some stuff will differ from the manga.