Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray Man in any way, all credit goes to Katsura Hoshino.

Summary: Forced to leave the Order, Allen comes across a secret hidden in the depths of the Ark. Now, hunted by the Noah Clan and considered an enemy by the place he once called home, he has to search for the truth... The truth about Mana, Neah and himself. Where he came from and who he really is. Uncovering a web of illusions and doubts, Allen still moves forward as he promised to do... But what do you do in a war, when you feel like you don't belong to any side?

"Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted are the most terrible poverty" – Mother Teresa

Act Thirteen – Shattered Flowers

The sunset spilled itself over whatever it touched, a thin sheet of gold and orange. When the breeze of the afternoon's ending caressed the leaves, their shivering made one think of waves in a lake with the sky above made of soft reds and oranges, everything becoming a sea of autumn though the season itself was months away.

The air carried traits of aromas, wildflowers, grass, but always suave.

The boy's clothing reflected the last sunlight as he walked, a figure between a clown and a pierrot: The collar was black, of a material that was almost silk, wrapped around his neck and part of his shoulders. The three buttons in front of his suit were like small balls of black fur. The blouse and pants of the suit were of a loose fabric that seemed to follow his movements and, except for the end of the pants and sleeves adorned with black threads, it was completely white-silver.

"You were great." The girl at his side commented quietly, though there was a shine in her eyes. The boy smiled, knowing she had enjoyed the performance.

"You know, it was kinda nostalgic?" Allen had his face so hidden under the white and black makeup that it was hard to see his expression lines. "I don't even believe Mother kept all this stuff for so long!"

He gestured down with his free hand, showing his attire and the briefcase-like bag he was carrying, which contained several colorful balls as well as other trinkets used in performances. He wore gloves of the same silk-like fabric that made the rest of his clothes. The short, black strands at the end of his sleeves waved at each movement he made.

Last night, during dinner, the conversation had turned to the last time Allen had visited, changes in the city and, at some point, Barbar had commented they still had Allen's things from when he was younger. After he had recovered and was ready to leave with Cross, quite a few of the possessions from when he traveled with Mana had been left behind, though it had pained his younger self who had wanted to hold on to everything, the way a person is unable to move things around the room of a departed loved one.

Allen sincerely had thought that the old woman would have thrown everything in the trash by now, and had been surprised to see them so well kept. His small clown suit and Mana's, the balls, hoops, and even the small flute that Mana had taught him to play…

A part of him had always regretted leaving that behind, his decision of moving forwards in his new life non-standing.

For some moments, Allen had examined each object carefully, those remains from years long gone. Suddenly, taken by an impulse that found support in an idea, he had asked for needle and line, trying to patch the old suits.

Barbar had soon got excited and convinced Allen to let him help, which had improved the situation as the boy's handwork was not quite as good. The pompons of the blouse had been dyed, a colorful collar had been cut as well as some pendants that adorned the suits, both being cut in order to sew a new one.

In the following afternoon, right after lunch and having finished the chores they did for Mother as thanks for the hospitability (they would do what they could, helping Barbar with the house, tending the garden under his instructions, shopping and cooking. Raz also seemed to take the chance to learn whatever she could), Allen had called Raz to go to the city with him, wearing a new suit, his face covered in makeup.

And in a corner of a street, he had performed.

Fights and fights with akumas along the years had polished reflexes and coordination that had already been trained as a child, giving his acrobatics a natural grace that had made them into a fine dance, balls making circles in the air as he juggled them. Some children had let out small, excited-sounding cries at seeing him twirling in the air and landing like a cat, catching a hoop before it fell, doing all sorts of tricks.

After a while, deciding it was already enough, he had passed with a hat among the audience with a bow, a black clown smile painted on his face. Some spectators had just left, but a few had dropped some coins.

"You're so good at this…" Raz spoke as she remembered. She hadn't ever seen something like that, of course, and had been curious until he had started it. From then on, she had watched, fascinated. "Was Mana who taught you all this?" The question was not without a certain caution, as Allen had told her last night a little more about his adoptive father and how they performed together back when he was a child.

Allen had also confessed what had been Mana's end and the start of his curse.

Raz had been more than just bothered by this... If Mana hadn't been able to curse Allen and his arm hadn't reacted, Allen would most likely be dead, an akuma wearing his skin as his father's soul was tortured inside of it. This somehow made things personal between him and the Earl, or at least she felt it as such.

Regardless of the hatred she had felt before, regardless of the reasons behind it, at that moment she had been only thankful for the Innocence's existence.

And hearing his tale, she had suddenly wished she was just a normal human and not part of a Clan who was responsible for such things… If she didn't remember anything about herself anyway, at least it would've made things easier.

The boy smiled softly. His eyes had also been painted with black, making four thick lines around them. Along with the smile, this worked to bring out his eyes, almost turning the gray into silver.

"Yes, it was him. I think I was six, perhaps seven, more or less when he took me in…" It was hard to keep track of your own age when no one around you cared about when you had been born or helped you with it. For all he knew, he might have been eight even. Upon learning this, Mana had started to celebrate his birthday on the day he had adopted him. Allen had never had anyone doing anything like that before. "At first, I didn't know how to do anything and just collected the money people gave us and watched our stuff. Mana started to teach me things little by little…"

And he had been patient as well, never losing his temper when Allen couldn't get things right. If anything, when Allen would start cussing that he should just give up, that he couldn't do it (more in a way to hide his own embarrassment and the fear that Mana would tire of him and decide to leave him behind because now he would be really alone, he couldn't go back to the circus and then what would happen?), Mana would sit with him and calmly encourage him to keep trying, at times even holding his hands and guiding him, never once showing a hint of disgust at his red flesh...

"Then, after I got the hang of it, we started to perform together." He carried on, a softness coming to his demeanor that only appeared when he talked about his days with Mana. "There were times we had to sleep out in the open, but even so, Mana always knew what to do or say to not let our moods go down…"

"Sounds like he was very kind…" Raz had tried to imagine him, taking in how Allen looked and sounded when he spoke about the man.

"Doesn't he remember anything about his real parents?" She knew better than to ask, though.

"He was." Allen replied, eyes lost somewhere in the path ahead without actually seeing it. The loss of his father throbbed. It had never ceased to hurt and he knew it never would. He had just learned to live with the mourning, which at times was somewhat soothed only by the knowledge they would meet again someday. "He… He always told me we have to keep walking. Keep going on no matter what happens."

And that had turned into a promise to his father.

"To keep walking…" Raz repeated slowly, as if testing the words that reached deep in her. How did you keep walking if you couldn't see the path ahead? When it seemed that it didn't matter how much you walked, you wouldn't be going anywhere?

What was left to do then, she wondered?

"You have been always going forward…" She said quietly, almost to herself. "And now, traveling…"

"Yep. It wasn't always easy, you know, to make our living out of performances. I wasn't the Master of Cards, yet." He added in a false dark tone.

Perhaps he was embellishing the past due to sentimentality, however in his memories, it didn't matter what he was feeling at the moment, even if there was exasperation, annoyance or worry over anything, there was always the warmth for Mana. There was not a single memory of them together where that was not present, even when they argued which had been rare.

Allen had always loved him. He had been the first person to…

Allen giggled a bit to himself, touching a part of his sleeve.

"It was fun to do this again. Perhaps I should keep performing from time to time…" After all, they needed every extra income they could get. It also occurred to him that many people in the Order knew he was good at gambling and certain people had a good memory for winners. His white hair and scar didn't help in that matter, either… Somehow, this made Allen remember when Alison had been called paranoid and he wondered what the Exiled would say to this thought of his.

A pierrot, face hidden and voiceless, was easier to not be recognized. It didn't mean he would cease playing cards, but maybe he shouldn't do it as often as before... Oh, what was he thinking? To keep traveling as they were, they would need money.

"Well, I can do both… And Raz and I can search for temporary jobs as well…" That when they decided to stop in a town long enough.

"People liked it, no doubt." Raz said, opening the gate. While passing by Mother's garden, Allen looked briefly at the white flowers he had seen when arriving.

XxX

"So, do you have any idea of where you will be going now?" Mother asked with a look of amused curiosity later that night, sitting in a rocking chair, silvery threads escaping from the end of her smoking pipe. Allen nodded in response. Those last days they had stayed with her had been pleasant, but they couldn't delay much more. It wasn't just the obvious reasons: While Mother wouldn't rattle them out to the Order, it didn't mean an Agent couldn't pass by at any moment to question her.

"And you can't move forwards if you're standing still"

"Did you learn something that can help, while we stayed here?" Raz had asked last night when they had been talking about it, trying to think about where they could go next.

Allen had been honest, he hadn't found out much, however, thinking about Neah and Mana and how their relationship with the rest of the Clan might have been, it had helped him to make a decision. Raz had just nodded in acceptance and asked him if he had any idea of where they could head next, to which Allen had smiled and muttered.

"Forwards."

Now, Mother asked something of the same nature.

"I know what I have to find…" Not only had to, but needed to as well. He wasn't quite sure of where, though. Mother evaluated him with her black eyes, as if she could see past his flesh and the workings of his mind, huffing.

"Good. But don't forget what I told you, Allen Walker. Be careful." She groaned, her attention back to the book she had in her lap as she muttered. "You and that Noah girl…"

Allen sighed.

He couldn't say it was surprising the woman had realized the truth, but it still shook him a little.

"It is impossible to hide anything, ne?" He smiled guilty and wondered when she had realized it. As if reading his mind, Mother continued.

"I understood it soon enough." It was the response, accompanied by a hint of a knowing smile. "At first, I thought that perhaps she was just a human, but I started seeing this wasn't the case, so, the only other option to what she could be…" She raised her eyes from the pages, giving no indication that Raz's true nature bothered her. "And with you two training in the back of the house, it was easy too…"

Allen scratched the back of his head awkwardly, wondering if something had truly given away what Raz was if it was just Mother being too observant. During their training sessions, they hadn't made use of Innocence or Raz's abilities, focusing on more "traditional" fighting, improving the reflexes and agility. And somehow, taking that measure had been for nothing.

"Raz is not dangerous…" He said slowly. Mother stared at him, eyebrows raised in a calculated expression. Soon the boy imagined how the Order would have reacted should they ever hear him saying such a thing about a Noah. He half expected Mother to have a comment of her own about it.

"What is her deal then?" There was no reprimand in her words, just a simple curiosity as her attention returned to the book. It occurred to Allen that maybe she wasn't surprised with Raz because she knew Cross and Neah had been friends despite being on opposite sides of that war just as well. It wasn't a new scenario.

Still, he hadn't felt… Well, safe, in just go and tell her about what Raz really was.

"For all I know, she might have been present in the events involving Neah, but she doesn't look older than me…" Road had also been there and she looked even younger than he by some years. Did Noahs age at a different pace than people? Or something else had happened?

"She doesn't remember anything… She didn't even know what Noahs were when I found her." He waited to see if Mother would ask for details of their meeting, but the woman merely frowned and turned one of the pages, smoking a little more before speaking.

"That's quite weird. Oh, well, maybe you'll find the answers you seek together…"

Allen wondered if she had reacted in a similar way when she had learned that Cross was Neah's friend. Perhaps it had been the respect she always displayed for others' business that had helped Cross to feel like he could tell her about it and that Allen was the host…

And not for the first time, he wondered at whose side the old woman truly was as he remembered what she had said, about neither side being right or wrong in a war. Allen was quite willing to bet that other people, who knew of those events and the existence of Akumas and Noahs, might have had a very different reaction from that simple acceptance she was displaying right now.

He looked at the window's direction. It was already dark outside. Raz wasn't in the house, after helping Barbar with the dishes, she had left to the garden.

"Hey, Barbar?" He called, approaching the table where the man was examining some new seeds that he had asked Raz and Allen to buy when they had gone to town. They were smaller than peas and looked fragile in his large hands.

"Do you know those white flowers that I was seeing when we arrived? At the side of the house?"

"Yeah, sure! I planted them! They are so pretty, aren't they?" The man nodded enthusiastically with a huge smile, proud of his work in the garden.

"Yes, they are…" Allen wasn't agreeing just for the sake of it, there was no denying that Barbar had a talent with plants. "What are they?"

"Ericas!"

"Look, do you know a flower… Its petals are a bit separated?" He joined his index fingers and separated them slowly, but soon knew this was of no help whatsoever. "Wait, I'll try drawing them…"

"Oh, no, wait, I got a better idea!" Barbar stood, the smile never leaving his face and, as always, bestowing him an almost child-like appearance despite his age as he walked to the shelves at the side of the window, not needing to search before picking a large book.

"Here! It is my favorite book!" He handed it to Allen, who examined it. The cover was of a dark green, with the figure of a white, leaf-less tree. "I'm sure you'll find the flower you're talking about in here!" He didn't seem curious as to why Allen would want to check on that, which was fine with the boy as well. "Then you can ask me whatever it is!"

"Thanks, Barbar!" Sitting at the table, Allen started to go through the pages while Barbar kept examining the seeds, separating them into two small groups. As soon as he opened the book, Allen could see why it was the man's favorite and why Barbar was sure it would help. There were large photos of flowers, with their names in black letters at the top and information, going from genus and family to how to plant and care for them, where they could be easily found and more. At the end of each section, there was a small square: Meanings.

He knew where he had seen that white flower, erica, before and it hadn't been in a garden.

It had been one of the flowers engraved on the door of the room where he had found Raz.

At first, Allen hadn't given much thought to it, however, seeing them here had made him curious, even if just to know what they were. With care, he turned the pages, keeping in mind the figures of the three flowers he had seen.

He stopped at a page, the photo showing small flowers blooming among the snow. There was just one at the end of each stalk, the petals of a piercing white that rivaled the snow around, curved towards the ground as if bowing to an invisible being. That one had been on one of the corners.

"Snowdrop" He read. "Genus Galanthus, from Greek, "milk flower" has 20 species. It is one of the rare flowers that does not possess color variation. Those flowers are perennials and can be poisonous if ingested in large quantities, causing nausea and vomiting. More frequently found in…"

His eyes went to the small square at the end of the information regarding the planting and care for people who wanted to have them in their gardens, as those details didn't interest him much.

"There are several legends regarding the origins of the snowdrop. A Germanic one affirms that when God created the snow, He sent it to visit flowers and gather their colors, however, the only flower to accept it was the snowdrop. Touched by how the flower wanted nothing in return, the snow decided to make a deal: In exchange for its generosity, the snowdrop would always be the first to bloom in Spring. Another one relates that, after being cast out from Eden, Eve walked the hard and cold earth with Adam. It was a wasteland without the birds or flowers that had been in the Garden of Eden and in her sorrow, she sat down and cried. God, taking pity on her, sent an Angel to comfort her. The Angel approached Eve and encouraged her to have hope, holding snowflakes that were falling and blowing on them, making them turn into flowers upon touching the Earth, showing her that the winter would not last forever." As pretty as those legends were, they offered no clue as to why there had been a snowdrop decorating that door. He skipped some lines.

"Meaning: Comfort. For being the first flower to bloom, it is also considered a symbol of rebirth and hope, as well as purity due to the lack of other colors. It is believed to assist in times of grievance. Curiously, due to being poisonous and for how they can grow in cemeteries, there are places where they were considered symbols of death and it was bad luck to bring them home. As such, seeing just a single flower was regarded as a premonition of death."

Allen looked at the photo for some seconds, a frown appearing in his face.

Coincidence?

A flower symbolizing comfort and rebirth (and according to the book, death) carved on that door… And Raz there, chained as if deceased and forgotten by the world. Many times, Allen had wondered just for how long she had stayed there and how on Earth she had survived. After a while, Allen had concluded that there had to be something in the Ark itself keeping her alive.

It wasn't an outlandish idea, after all, he hadn't forgotten how the chains had seemed to contain something running through the links. And the flowers of that place, despite being alive, never seemed to need water or care and yet, they never withered…

He turned some pages.

Comfort and rebirth… Aid in times of grievance… Hope… Death…

Which meaning had been in the mind of whoever had done that?

"Who put you there, Raz? And why?" There were some doors in the Ark that just wouldn't open no matter what and Neah's reflection in that mirror had told him, when Allen had entered the Pianist's Room for the first time, that it was a place even the Millennium Earl was unaware of. Therefore, it wasn't impossible that there were more rooms out of his access and perhaps knowledge. Right?

Following this idea, wasn't it also possible that there were other similar rooms created by other Noahs? But this also meant there was no way to be sure who was responsible for Raz's condition.

Would the Earl have allowed the Ark to be destroyed, had he known Raz was there?

Had he been aware of it?

For this, Allen had no idea of what the answer would be.

Those meanings…

Another photo called his attention.

Like the snowdrop, it had been in the door, in the lower right corner.

Several flowers, with six petals each, turned down. They looked like bells.

"Hyacinthoides non-scripta. Bluebell." The book said. "With a strong smell, they are blue-violet, though rare pink or white specimens can be found. Their interior is yellow or white. The common name is derived from their distinct tubular appearance and their petals, which gives them a bell-shape. Those flowers…"

Once more, Allen ignored the rest of the text and went to the square at the end of the section. Unless this flower meant something that just couldn't be applied to the circumstances, it seemed to be the only useful information. And if not, then maybe he would have to accept he had no idea of why the image of those particular flowers had been used.

"It might be something entirely personal as well. Am I reading too much into this?"

It wasn't a possibility to be ignored, but it didn't stop him from checking the book anyway.

"Bluebells are also called harebells in Scotland, due to the ancient belief that witches would turn into hares and hide among them. Other legends affirm that such flowers could be used to call upon fairies, making it bad luck to walk in a field, as it was seen as a place of spells, or to bring them home. Herbalists used to believe Bluebells could be used to prevent nightmares and would use them as medicine for spider bites and tuberculosis, however, those flowers can be poisonous."

Snowdrops could be associated with death, now flowers that were believed to be somehow linked to witches (at least in Scotland)… Thinking about Raz's abilities, he couldn't deny those darker connections could be applied just as the lighter meanings.

Though it was indeed strange that both flowers were poisonous, Allen wasn't sure this held any importance and went forward to the next lines.

"Meaning: As many flowers, the bluebell can represent different emotions, depending on the context. With its bell form and how it seems to bow down, their most common meaning is humility. Other possible meanings are gratitude, loyalty, constancy and everlasting bonds. It is also related to death in Britain, often planted in graves."

Allen read the words once more.

"Loyalty, constancy, everlasting bonds. Often planted in graves."

Once more, no way of knowing which specific meaning the person had had in mind when carving them on that door. Bluebells and snowdrops, both had an association with death… But it was wrong. Raz hadn't been dead. Allen realized he had been holding the page a little stronger than necessary.

Gratitude sounded out of place considering the state Raz had been, but with the snowdrop meaning rebirth and hope, perhaps gratitude for something she had done? And hope that she would wake up? No, wait, she wouldn't have woken up on her own, she had done so a little after Allen had released her. The Ark might have been keeping her alive, but it had also been keeping her in a coma (or whatever it had been).

It was hard to imagine why someone grateful to Raz would then leave her there.

And humility wasn't exactly something easily associated with the Noahs…

"I really love you, Allen. But my family is also special to me. This feeling is the same as yours." Road's words were whispered in his mind, as if he was being haunted by a ghost.

"Please, boy, do you actually believe I would hurt a member of the family?" He had understood well the hidden meaning in Tyki's words that night. The Noah of Pleasure hadn't been referring just to Raz, but to him as well.

"Loyalty, constancy, everlasting bonds."

Perhaps the bond among the Noahs was everlasting… But then, why had Neah killed them?

Taking a deep breath, Allen turned more pages, burying those thoughts and the waves that once more agitated inside him. They wouldn't be of any utility right now and this wasn't about him, it was about Raz.

Circular flowers and flowers in the shape of tubes, lilies and roses, petals as small as a fingernail, and others so large that each flower could only hold four…

Then, he found it.

It was the same flower, small and white, that there was in the garden. Erica, Barbar had called it.

"Calluna vulgaris, also called erica or heather. A flowering shrub that can remain green during all year, this genus of plants have resistant seeds which can last…"

It was the bigger flower, the one that had been carved in relief on the top of the door, among lines and above the circle with the runes.

"In Scotland, it was believed that such flowers stood for protection and could be used as charms. It was also said that no white exemplar would bloom in places where blood had been spilled, while the pink or purple ones were considered to be marked by it. A Scottish legend speaks of a lovely young daughter of a Celtic bard who was in love with a warrior. The man had to leave for war and stayed away for a long time, during which the young maiden waited. One day, a messenger returned with a heather flower, a token of his love, and news of his death. The young woman, unable to ever be comforted, wept for a long time and it was her tears that turned the purple flowers into white ones."

In the last line, only two words.

"Meaning: Loneliness."

XxX

Like the setting sun had spilled liquid fire upon the land, the moon bestowed threads of silver and white, its reflection shivering in the lake, a stain of light among an almost-black blue mirror.

Raz had wandered in silence for a while in the garden, allowing her thoughts to spread with the moonlight, not bothering with trying to control them and eventually, she had sat on the old swing, satisfied with just observing the plants and the field as she would with a painting. Far away, there were small dots of the lights of the city. They could have passed for fireflies if they moved.

Like a creature intimate with the world of the night, she made no sound.

Relaxing her back and raising her head, the Noah studied the sky. The stars blinked to her. When the few clouds in the sky approached the moon, they became a light hue of gray… She felt as if she was looking at them from much afar than it should be.

Last night, Raz had had a nightmare.

As it had happened before, sense and context (if they had ever existed) eluded her when crossing the frontier between being asleep and awake, leaving a trail of sensations and nothing more. Like the moon, they remained no matter what happened, except there was no day to alternate with it.

Why?

Once more, she had dreamt of a song… It wasn't the one Allen had sung, but that other one from before, insisting to be remembered. There were moments her mind replayed pieces of the melody without her realizing it, trying to weave it together… Words vaguely came to her, slowly finding their place on it…

If they had ever had a meaning to her, she wasn't sure it was there anymore.

Would she ever be able to recall everything she had lost, and understand it, someday?

The coldness inside of her escaped, going through bones and overflowing on her skin, but she remained still, watching the stars above. She couldn't feel the existence of her memories, which made them less real and more distant than the stars…

What if she never remembered anything?

Eyes lowering, her feet gave a small impulse against the ground, light enough so the chains made no sound when they moved, unwilling to disturb the night. She tried to think about what she was going do, think about something more real and useful that would chase away the emptiness… And to stop those shards, somewhere inside, from slicing whatever they found.

It hurt.

Whatever it was, it was always there. And it always hurt.

She saw the white flowers. The same Allen had been looking at when they had arrived…

She had seen while tending the garden several times.

Curious… Maybe she and the boy were in situations that were alike in some aspects. He had had a home to which he couldn't go back now. The reasons didn't feel simple and in the few times he had mentioned it, his eyes were dead despite his living flesh. And like her, he sought answers…

As for Raz, maybe she had a home with the Clan, and though it was the most certain place to go for answers, it was also where she least wanted to go… And also the place she knew nothing about.

The irony was not lost on her.

Well… Following this line of thought, then it couldn't be considered "home", could it? Allen wished he was in the Order, she could see it in his eyes when he thought no one was looking and his emotions escaped… That had been, and perhaps still remained in a sense, his home.

It wasn't her case…

She held the chains tighter.

A part of her mind replayed the song of her dream once more and, slowly, not giving her time to consent or think about it, her vocal cords started to work by themselves in a whisper.

Omae to itami wo – I'll commit any sin
Wakeaeru nara – If it allows me
Donna tsumi mo okasou – To share your pain

She was not foolish enough to ignore how she might never remember… Even if they did find what they searched for or even survived all of this. She had thought about paths before, but it was an illusion.

There were no paths. There was nothing.

There were just people tripping blindly in the darkness.

They were lost.

She was lost.

Maybe every person in the world was.

But then what was she searching for?

Omae ga shindara – When you die
Koori no hoho ni – Your icy cheek
Ichido dare kiss shite – I'll kiss even if just once.

Flashes colored in blood blinked behind her brain, in a mockery of how the starts did, bringing feelings rather than memories of pain. Whether old or new, it made no difference. Not with that strange longing that she had barely been able to name until now.

What could be so important as to cause this?

And if it had been so important, why had she forgotten?

Feeling it would be better to not provoke whatever lurked inside her during those times, Raz didn't want to move, but her body didn't mind her wishes and stood up, her feet taking her to the white flowers.

She suddenly knew what they were. And there was one more thing she realizes… It wasn't the pieces of her surroundings that didn't fit or the environment that was distorted.

It was her.

Hitsugi kazaru erica no hana no – The ericas adorning the coffins
Hanakotoba wa "kodoku" – Mean "loneliness" in the language of flowers

Her voice didn't shiver, keeping a low tone, the song escaping from her like a secret.

Why she was hurting so much?

The Noah man back in the forest had spoken of taking her back to the family. The word was just a confusing sound, with no meaning whatsoever attached to it and therefore, it didn't fit in any context. Oh, she knew the literal meaning of course, but it wasn't the same thing...

Home… Family… Parents… Words. Mere sounds, no different than one of a rock hitting the surface of a lake. And with the same level of significance.

And she? She was no more than empty meat. No past to remember and with a future that was far too blurred... Even as she was, she understood how little sense it made. Without a past, there couldn't be a future. Then she was just… Just a being without anything, a dry leaf subjugated by the whims of the wind.

How could her heartbeat remain calm when it felt like that, she wondered?

Perhaps everything had been like this since the beginning… Perhaps she had been broken, since the beginning…

It hurt.

"Please…"

But… But if this was true…

Then what kind of hope remained?

"What am I?"

Kono yo ni hitori umarete – I was born alone in this world
Toki ga kureba hitori shindeku – And when the time comes, I will die alone as well
Sore ga sadame – This is my fate
Na no ni namida – But then why
koboreru no wa naze? – Am I shedding tears?

During the twinkling of the stars, she remained still, just the tip of her fingers touching one of those flowers.

"Raz?" A voice called, guiding her back. Thoughts returned. Her conscience was back from whatever corner the emptiness had pulled it to.

Allen was looking at her, head tilted to the side, unsure.

"Are you… Are you okay?"

The girl merely gazed back at him for a while.

"I… I'm fine. I remembered the song of my dream…" Not that "remembering" was the most adequate of terms. Allen nodded. He had heard her singing.

She turned her face back to the sky. Allen limited himself to watching her. Despite her display of serenity, there was something in her figure that convinced him that she wasn't "fine", not at all. Still and quiet in the middle of the night and standing close to the flowers, Raz had looked so… So…

"Hey, Allen?" She called him, never once averting her gaze. "Why do you think the stars exist?"

The boy frowned to this, not understanding where such a question had come from… And he had no immediate answer. What they were, why they seemed to twinkle, this he could tell her, more or less. But the reason for their existence?

"Raz…?" The sensation he was getting now from her wasn't good… Nothing that provoked his caution or tension, though, it was something else.

"What's the purpose of their existence?"

"Oh… So that's it…" He understood then, following her gaze to the stars, small fragments of dreams lost in the darkness.

Raz didn't move. Why did she exist?

Did she, even?

Suddenly, she felt a warmth in her wrist.

Allen wasn't thinking what he was doing, the impulse had moved his body and even now, his fingers closed firm over the Noah's flesh as he stared into her eyes. Despite their color, he felt like was staring in an abyss and he wasn't sure she was seeing him from wherever she was being kept by her own thoughts.

"Flowers of Erica mean loneliness..." That was it, wasn't it? That was it all came down to. At that moment, the pure essence of it revealed itself, it was whispered by the flowers. Maybe they had been just in the presence of each other, while drowning inside themselves, each caught up in their own despair.

"I'm here…" Allen wasn't able to tell if he was speaking to her or to himself, if he was looking at her because he saw her or because he hoped to receive her gaze and be able to see himself, his own existences, in her eyes… Raz tilted her head to the side, that mist that had made Allen so worried starting to fade from her, even if it was just hiding in her body again.

Slowly, the serenity cracked.

He could see her.

"We both are..."

Lonely. That was what they were.

XxX

Two shadows hiding among the trees watched the events at a safe distance. Allen Walker's eye wasn't able to perceive their presence and the girl, apparently, also didn't know about such nuances of their abilities and remained ignorant of them for all they had realized. The distance didn't interfere with their observations, as their sharp senses allowed them to catch all the words of just now.

The boy touched the back of the girl's neck in a comforting, if hesitant, gesture before it became firmer. Maybe he had seen or (perhaps more likely) felt her relaxing in a manner of allowing the contact. They stood for just a couple of minutes before deciding to do what seemed to be already normal and headed towards the lake. One of the men twisted his mouth.

"What do they think they are doing, after all?" He asked, despise flowing in the golden eyes that gleamed in the night. At his side, the other shrugged, not as bothered as his companion if his posture was any indicative.

"Training together, it would seem." The jesting tone didn't receive any reply. As they watched, Allen Walker became a white ghost-like figure while shadows wrapped themselves around the girl. "Oh, this time they are going all out!" He pointed out with renewed interest. Last night, both had trained without activating their respective powers not even once, content to just practice moves.

"This is so annoying…" Sheryl growled, the epitome of coldness. The idea of a Noah and an Exorcist training together, as those two were doing, twisted his nerves, agitating the Noah's essence he carried. Even if he was to take into consideration that Walker was not an Exorcist anymore, he wouldn't ever take that scene kindly. Tyki had his back and one of his feet leaning against a tree, arms crossed as he watched the white and the black.

Allen attacked, his white cape casting lines at Raz's direction. The girl jumped backward, leaning in her hands before standing again. She wasn't as strong as the other Noahs yet, but from what Tyki could see, there seemed to be at least some improvement compared to when she had been foolish enough to try facing him to protect a damn Innocence.

When he had returned from his mission and reported the events, the reactions had been diverse, but they had all shared the wire piercing their blood, twisting organs in intense emotions.

Tyki couldn't say he hadn't felt anything of this sort.

"She did what?" Fiidora had hissed in with both indignation and disbelief, making it clear he wondered just what the hell had been going through the unknown Noah's mind. For a moment, they had been able to hear the lower hissing, coming from his tongue. Lulubell hadn't said a word, but the ice of her eyes had been more than enough.

"A Noah protecting an Innocence…" Wisely had said slowly, making it impossible to guess what he thought of it. Despite his expression being close to a certain kind of amusement, Tyki had long ago learned you couldn't just take guesses like that based on his facial displays alone, but being the only Noah who, even after dying by the hands of the Fourteenth, still managed to keep memories of the previous incarnations, he should also remember Raz… So, perhaps, the idea that she had lost all memories and was trying to resist her own nature was funny to him, for whatever reason?

If that was the case, then he was the only one who felt like this.

"A traitor, you mean…"

"Tyki-pon…" The Earl said, leaning forward, voice hiding any emotion despite the smile that was carved in his mask. The others went quiet, some looking over to their patriarch trying to get an idea of what he might decide and others too lost in their own thoughts. "What really happened? How was she?"

The Noah of Pleasure then went through the details: How she and the boy had been with a group of people who had left the Order and how Raz had held the Innocence and, despite her clear desire to shatter it, had refused to do so.

"Her textual words were…" He pretended to be pulling it from his memory and made a quotation signal in the air as he repeated. "Allen is my friend. If this means protecting Innocence, so be it."

The air at once had grown heavier, contaminated by the reactions to such words. The Earl had leaned back in his chair with a loud sigh. Behind the gleaming glasses, it was not easy to define the nature of his gaze until he muttered.

"So, she has refused to come back…." His tone was calm enough, which they knew to be more due to the self-control their leader had (at least most of the time). There might be anger there for Raz protecting Innocence, but it was largely overpowered by how she had decided to not come back, no matter how it was in her best interests.

It felt like a rejection.

It hurt.

It hurt all of them. It was in the Noahs' nature to stay together, always.

The Earl thought about Raz, of the times they had spent together with the previous generation… Now, it seemed she didn't want to be with them at all…

The others might not know her, but the rejection felt personal all the same… And it didn't make sense, either, be on an instinctual or rational level. Her lack of memories didn't work as an excuse for such actions: All she needed to do was to come home and the Millennium Earl (and Wisely, though she didn't know) would have told her everything she wanted. And even without considering it, there was the matter of her own instinct as well. She would have known she would be safe, that she belonged there.

"Perhaps it is fear…" Wisely suggested, almost as if whatever the cause of her behavior, it mattered little to him. It would have been easier to believe the act if it wasn't the subtle shift of his eyes. Some of the Noahs exchanged looks in silence. They could at least agree that waking up one day without knowing anything about who they were couldn't be easy, whether you were a Noah or a human. "Or perhaps she realized, at some level, who Walker is…"

The Earl considered the suggestion. Their Clan didn't refer to each other as a family or carried the title for nothing. While the Exorcists would speak of themselves as such to anyone who wanted to hear it, the Noah Clan felt it, so intertwined in their genes that went beyond simple notions. It was as instinctual and sacred as a pack was to a wolf. Of course sometimes the members wouldn't get along as others and arguments happened, but it was nothing that inspired grudges or hate.

They were always at each other's side.

So, the idea that Raz, on some level, had felt Neah in Walker and didn't feel like leaving his side wasn't so farfetched. However…

"I don't think so, Wisely, I don't think so…" It sounded beautiful, but it didn't make it real. Ignoring how it felt as if her refusal had been said directly to him, the Noah patriarch went back to his usual tone. "It feels like Walker still hasn't told her about the Fourteenth. And dear Raz, in spite of everything, wouldn't be able to feel him as he is. Especially with the boy's Innocence trying to contain his awakening, as it is surely doing~…"

Three or four of the others groaned to this. It would be far easier if Walker gave in and allowed the process to follow its natural course.

It had been by chance and luck alone that Tyki had found them back in that forest, where he had been just to destroy the Innocence. It was impossible to follow Walker and Raz everywhere for now and, after discussing matter and ideas of what to do, the Clan had decided on first trying to leave them be, if just for a little while, in order to try luring Apocryphos. The creature was their best hint to the Heart and even if that wasn't the case, the whole Clan would have been more than satisfied to see him dead.

Patience as Apocryphos could be, he knew that Walker might be turning into a Noah and that the rest of the Clan would be chasing him down. In the end, he would either feel confident or anxious enough and would eventually make a move. If they planned it carefully, they would capture (or kill, either was fine) the creature and get Walker and Raz, solving most of the problems with one blow.

Meanwhile, they might evaluate the progress of the events.

Being wounded by Yuu Kanda's Innocence had caused a… Reaction in Allen Walker's blood, working to give an impulse to the Noah's genes due to the hatred they all shared for the Innocence. It had been quite a pity that Walker's eye had responded to Alma when it did, preventing the wave of power from taking root and eliminating him at once. Otherwise, that wound, aided by the hatred, would have been enough to allow Neah to seize control of his body, likely erasing Allen Walker in the process.

Now, things had become rather delicate.

Oh, well, once the Awakening had at least started, even if not in the usual way, it was just being delayed for now. There was no way of getting rid of those genes, meaning that sooner or later, Walker would be consumed. Since he was taking care of Raz, there might be a chance of this triggering her memory, helping her to remember... It was a possibility, at least.

"It is ironic," The Earl had thought, aware that something similar was going on through the others' minds. "That for now, I'm relying on Walker to keep her safe…" And that someone like her would even need said protection, but being past her own Awakening, she would need to learn everything again, including how to control the powers the Noah genes gave her. If ever inquired about it, the Earl would have to admit the situation felt weird more than infuriating (and this only because he was among the Noahs who knew at least a little about the boy's nature to balance things, otherwise he would probably be as furious as Toraido was).

Thinking about Raz and her condition, the Earl couldn't help but be a little surprised to realize he actually trusted Walker to care for her and not just as the host of the Fourteenth but as himself. After all, as they had concluded since Lulubell's report, if he hadn't hurt her until now, then he had no intention of doing so. Quite the contrary…

As anxious as they were now regarding the Fourteenth and Raziah, making immediate use of brute strength wouldn't be of any help in the long run. It would just push them further away and make them less willing to join their family than they already were…

Therefore, the decision had remained: To be patient. For now.

"I do wonder for how long." Tyki reflected. He hadn't been lying before. While the idea of dragging them both to the Black Ark had its attractive points, having them giving in and joining the Clan out of their own free will was far better.

Thoughts regarding Neah provoked the genes of Joyd inside of him, waking a sudden fire. But regarding Allen Walker, well, if the boy managed to keep his "self", then Tyki was among the Noahs who would be rather happy in having him as part of the family.

"If his case was like ours, would he accept it better?" Knowing Walker, however, he doubted it.

With Raz, there were no sensations or memories of any sort, no more than there was regarding the rest of the family. It was the same with Toraido, Maashima and the others. They were all able to feel the intense bond that united them, the essence of a family (so more powerful than the fragile human concept)… But there were no actual recollections of thirty-five years ago or before that, nor reactions such as the ones that thinking about the Fourteenth provoked.

It was different. The Fourteenth's betrayal had been engraved in their very genes.

With the decision made, Tyki and Sheryl had left to hunt for them due to not having any urgent mission at the moment. After some akumas had had time to warn the Earl before being destroyed, they had easily reached the town closest to attack and now, limited themselves to watch their targets, though Shery was still of opinion that it would be far better to attack them and be done with it. If to kidnap or kill them (or at the least the Fourteenth), the Noah of Desire himself seemed to hesitate between the two, depending on his mood.

Unaware of their presence, Allen and Raz kept training, the boy managing to drag Raz down with straps of Crown Clown. Shadows pulled him by his feet, but he was able to cut them with his claws as the girl stood up and tried attacking again.

Sheryl watched them. He, like the others, had been quite curious to see the girl for the first time, even if they wouldn't be getting in contact. Tyki, however, didn't need to ask what he thought of her, not when he knew it was shared between them: Too early to form personal opinions.

"The old woman from that house knows General Cross, doesn't she?" The Noah of Desire asked as he held his chin in thought, a small smile that could be seen whether he was enjoying a pleasant meal with his family or twisting the members of an enemy with his lines. "He might be trying to investigate the Fourteenth."

"It wouldn't surprise me." The other answered, his gaze accompanying the movements of the two, one attacking the other, black and white dancing. Raz had her hair up in a ponytail to not get in the way and when she was under the moon's touch, the bluish shine of the strands was more evident. "Do you think he told her he is one of us yet?"

"I do not know. And please, brother!" Sheryl said in the scandalized way of someone who heard a disturbing comment at the dinner table. The smile was now filling with scorn as a corpse would be filled by worms. "One of us? The Fourteenth is a traitor!"

Tyki rolled his eyes, well aware that this was not the true reason behind his rejection of the idea. At least not the most important one, when it came down to Sheryl.

"Ah, Sheryl. You just don't like the boy because your daughter does."

"My Road…" Sheryl started, his voice entering the path to a hysteric whisper as flames burned in his eyes. Tyki dismissed with a wave, interrupting him.

"Loves him." He shrugged not caring. He could only imagine what Sheryl's reaction would be should he ever find out that Road had kissed Allen and nestled herself in his lap while they were in the White Ark before the boy and Tyki had started fighting. "The boy is not bad for a human. I think that if you got to know him, even you would end up liking him."

He indicated the two figures ahead with his chin in emphasis.

Sheryl scoffed at this and decided to change the subject.

"Well, her memories might be coming back, slowly. She did say she remembered that song from a dream, didn't she?"

Tyki nodded.

It had come rather unexpectedly. She had walked around the garden, not paying attention to anything, sat at the swing and… Stayed there. Then, out of nowhere, she had started to sing in a tone they wouldn't have heard if it wasn't for their senses. Her voice was pleasant enough for singing, in the way that most voices are when finely educated, a naturally deep pitch and clear notes, but nothing that would be deemed spectacular. Still… There was no other way of saying it, there was an eerie quality to it. Almost like something you'd hear echoing between the tombs of a forsaken graveyard, the sound of broken dreams and regrets. Well, perhaps with her being the Noah of Loneliness, it was rather fitting.

"And the boy seems to be trying to help her as well." He commented with a sly smile. "Perhaps by spending time with her, he will see what it means to be a Noah and decide to join us."

Although this was indeed something he even hoped for (as Road certainly would have as well if she were here), this was also meant as a small provocation, payback for the times Sheryl acted all creepy towards him.

It was his brother's turn to dismiss the idea with a wave of his hand, face twisted in pure disgust as much as his noble posture and manners would allow him. Once again, Tyki rolled his eyes and went back to watching Allen and Raz.

"Be as it is, they are still family. If necessary, in the end, we just have to break their legs and take them home." It would be sad to resort to this method, but to have their family complete…

Both knew that once the Earl's patience was over or if the plan failed, there was nothing they wouldn't do to get them both.

XxX

The white hair fell over his shoulders, still humid and his flesh retained the warmth of the bath. Their training, while not as strict as it could be, was no playing around. Allen frequently showed fight movements and offered tips, but the best way of learning such things was with experience and he and Raz gave it all they had.

She seemed to be learning and becoming able to deal with his Innocence's presence. Her control over her shadows was enough as to not cause him any actual harm, just as Allen managed to make use of Crown Clown without hurting her.

He somehow did remember the words of the Earl, regarding the hate they felt for Innocence. Raz had confessed it did feel strange being so close to it and that it did provoke something in her to a certain extent, but she didn't think it would become an issue… She had been with him for a while now and the exposure seemed to be helping, so as far as she was concerned, the sooner she got completely used to the presence of an activated Innocence, the better.

It was an argument Allen had not been able to disagree with.

There was also more in the training than just their abilities: It left both exhausted and therefore, they could fall asleep easier, without having to lie awake in their beds, trying to push away the crows of dark thoughts that came to their minds. Not that he or Raz spoke much about it, perhaps more due to the lack of need as it was a mutual comprehension.

Upon entering the guests' room, Allen stopped.

Raz distracted herself and a blue ball with small white stars slipped between her fingers and when she tried to hold it, another fell on the floor. The girl sighed and picked them up quickly, seeming embarrassed.

"And… What are you doing?" Allen asked as he sat on a bed with a smile. Raz limited herself to keep holding the two balls as if unsure of what to do with them.

"I… I thought I could try doing something." She explained, lifting one of her shoulders in a shrug, looking almost like a nervous child. "To help with the performances and earning money, but…"

There was no need for her to say it, it was clear what the issue was and frankly, it was a very simple thing: She was awful at juggling.

They both exchanged glances, sharing an amusement as she placed the balls on the table.

Before he realized what he was doing, Allen caught himself saying.

"Raz… You know I can't go back to the Order…"

The girl laid a long gaze on him and sat on a chair in silence, not blinking either, head tilted to the side as she heard him. Allen took a deep breath, trying to find a way to actually begin… This was worse than he had thought it would be. The words tangled inside him, grabbing his organs.

How could he tell her? He had no idea how to start.

"Apocryphos… Well, he is part of the reason, I've told you so… But he isn't the entire reason." Each word cut his mouth. It was as if he had to relive everything again. Translating it into words seemed to make it more real than it had been until now. "I'm… I'm the host of a Noah."

There, he had said it.

Raz's eyes widened and her lips parted in shock. However, she didn't interrupt and the silence dragged more words from Allen.

He began telling of the existence of the Fourteenth and what he had done, going through the fights in the Ark and how later, he had been informed about Neah, recalling what he had already told her about the Clan and the Order… However, something inside him was breaking, cracks spreading inside of him. Before Allen realized it, he wasn't telling just about those details. Each event was connected to another and it felt like there was no end, that there were no words enough...

He told her everything.

He spoke of Mana, of his days with him… About Cross and the Order. About Kanda, Lenalee, Krory, Lavi, Komui, their missions and when he had lost his Innocence and almost died… At this point, the girl shivered, eyes trembling as she heard about Suman Dark and Allen's pain at recalling this, even now, was of a wild intensity. For an instant, he was back to that forest, seeing the white body that no longer had life, feeling his arm being shattered under the power of Tyki Mikk, the Tease inside him gnawing and gnawing…

He was no longer sure he was telling all of this to Raz or if he was just unable to stop once he had started to let it all escape (or was expelling it) from inside him.

And he told her, omitting only the details that were particular of Kanda and Alma and not his to share, about when the Earl had woken Alma… The destruction of the Third…

He told about his arrest in the Order, Apocryphos' attack and his escape…

At the end of what felt like hours, he became silent, his throat dry after talking for so long, most of his life lived once again. Raz stared at him and, without any word or expression, stood in front of him. Allen found it was hard to look at her, and struggled to refuse the impulse of gazing at the floor instead.

"Allen…" She finally whispered, eyes heavy with darkness. "All this… They…"

He waved his hand in front of his face as if getting rid of a fly and managed to smile. Despite the strange relief that there was in finally telling her everything, he just wanted to… To end it, he supposed, to call it a night and rest. It was enough, no need to go on, no need to…

"Hey, it's alright." He said, his voice arranged in the usual cadence. "I mean, I understand why they…"

"No, it's not alright!" Her voice was a cold razor in the air, though she never raised the tone and her demeanor remained under control. Yet, his first thought was that perhaps it would have been better if Raz had yelled. "Why do you say so? They arrested you!"

She looked at him, unable to understand. Allen had told all of that almost calmly, almost as if it had happened to someone else and even now, he was smiling.

How?

"Raz, please, they were afraid…"

"Who are you telling this to?" She asked quietly. "Them, me or yourself? We're both here, remember?" She repeated the words of some moments ago and shook her head, eyes never once leaving his as she took a step closer. He had been honest, she would be as well. "Allen… You're smiling, but it is just a mask. It is made of lies…"

Allen felt his mouth dry. His own mind turning to the past, back in the dungeon. Back to his fear of falling asleep and of being awake. He didn't want to stay there, to think about it and, after so long, his mind tried to change focus almost in a natural reaction. Only this time, it was not possible, not with it being the subject of a conversation.

"They had no choice, Raz!" Allen insisted, wanting to suffocate that slithering thing that was moving inside him again, making him feel as if his organs were being infected with something rotten that had nothing to do with the Noahs. He had to just keep that thing sedated, just for a while longer. There shouldn't be any harm in that. "I almost turned into a Noah right there in the middle of everything, after seeing this, what else could they…"

"Stop that!" She hissed, an urgency coming to her that had nothing to do with danger or anger. "You said I'm your friend… So, let me be your friend."

They gazed at each other until Raz leaned closer to him.

"It feels useless, doesn't it?" She whispered so softly her words barely scratched the silence around. "To cry when no one bothers to see your tears… To speak, when no one really cares to listen… It… It feels useless and meaningless… But… I am your friend. So, I'll listen. I'll see your tears. Even if you don't cry them."

"Raz…" Words now failed Allen, finding barriers in his throat. "I really don't…"

Suddenly, Raz was at his eyes' height, kneeling in front of him, her fingers holding the flesh of his shoulders. Her own expression remained untouched as always, but Allen realized he could feel the despair irradiating from her… And suddenly, he wondered if she could feel something similar coming from him just as well.

"Allen…" She whispered. "It is alright if you cry…"

The boy opened his mouth, unable to produce a sound and it wouldn't have made a difference, for Raz carried on not allowing interruptions, knowing he would just try to deny it again.

"You won't be a bad person if you feel hurt or angry with the Order or those people. That is what is alright, to feel betrayed…" She stopped for a moment, comprehending what was going on. "Allen… You won't be betraying anyone by feeling like that."

Something made a soft pressure in his eyes and throat. The old rationalization came back, that they had done what they had thought it was best. They had had their reasons. Levelier had forbidden anyone from coming to the dungeons. His friends hadn't meant to leave him alone, they just couldn't do anything else. Allen meant to hold on that mantra in order to keep that which threatened to escape his control down, to silence it but found himself unable to…

He just didn't want to feel like he was in that cell again. Without any sort of thought, his body dominated by something more profound, feeling suddenly empty and tired, he fell forwards and hugged the Noah.

Tears gathered in gray eyes. Up until now, they had only existed in his soul, yet something had been ripped apart inside him after talking about what had happened.

A deep wound was revealed, one that was forever exposed… No. A physical wound would have been far easier to clean, care and bear than that.

Raz was surprised at the touch and froze for a second, before closing her arms around Allen, who hid his face on her shoulder. His body shivered, a glass that would shatter under any sudden movement. She held him, trying to convey with the gesture the meaning of her words.

His whisper wouldn't sound louder than a breeze.

"Why couldn't they just trust me?"

There it was. That was the root of everything.

That was, in the end, what he had been trying to silence in his mind.

He understood the reasons, be of the Central or of his friends, he did, but he still… Still asked why.

Still he had hoped to hear his friends' voices from the other side of the door. Or just anything, anything that would indicate they were still there, the smallest thing would be enough, would help him to chase those thoughts away, but… There had been nothing. And those thoughts, along with the fear of what would happen, fear of himself and with each passing minute, his mind hurt and he had just… Been left there. A broken thing. An unwanted thing.

Those had been the only company he had had in that cell

Carefully, Raz caressed the back of his head, feeling the touch of his tears, their scent, knowing that all this time, ever since they had met, Allen had been crying somewhere in his heart. It was alright to cry outside as well… It was alright to feel sorrow, anger or that he had been forsaken… Perhaps Allen feared that such feelings would work as cracks that the Fourteenth could use to take over him, yet somehow, she didn't think it would be possible.

For a long time, Allen allowed himself to remain there, hugging Raz as the tears were freed from that mysterious place that is the heart, as she caressed his head, the other hand resting in his back, the arm making a light pressure in an embrace.

And he held on to her, needing a physical point that would help him to not sink even further.

Her embrace was warm.

The weight in his chest seemed to be weakening in that warmth.

For a long time, they remained like that. It could have been fifteen minutes, one hour or for a whole night, all those would be correct. His tears ceased earlier than the pain behind them, his body was just unable to produce more. A sort of warmth slowly made itself known as it entered the bones of him and Raz, filling that emptiness at least a little.

Raz made no gesture to release him until he slowly pulled back. Both had scars in their eyes, the kind only visible to those who can see beyond veils of lies as "it's okay" or "it doesn't hurt anymore".

Using his arm to wipe his face, scarred by the dry path of his tears, Allen tried to smile again. This time, it wasn't a gesture of lies and despite it being a sad smile, it was far preferable than the mechanic alternative. Somehow… Either crying or telling the truth had soothed things a little. Perhaps both. Perhaps it had been just having someone around who listened.

"Well… I…" He hesitated, unsure of what to say or do now. He still didn't want to dwell on the matter, lest that depression would keep growing. And he knew it. Suddenly, he looked at the table and had one idea. "C'mon. I bet you're good at something that's not jugglery."

If Raz found his sudden decision strange, she said nothing as he stood in front of her as they did when getting ready for training and before starting anything. While he considered what to try first, Allen sighed.

"Raz… I… Thank you. Really."

Her response was a soft smile.

"I'll keep walking. I'll keep going forward."

"Mana's promise." She agreed with a nod and they exchange looks. There was no need to say things they both already knew. Allen nodded as well, a mutual understanding happening between them at that moment.

They would both go on. And not just in the presence of each other or due to common goals. They would go on together.

Wolf: In case you're wondering, yes, Wolf here likes the language of flowers. From the start, I had those details prepared. And a cookie to anyone who knows where the song is from!

Kanda: I think I turned diabetic after this chapter.

Wolf: Oh, shut up, Bakanda. To be honest, I was really anxious to get to this chapter, as it is personally one of my favorites until now… I feel like it is one of the most important, and not just because Raz finally learning of everything, but because of Allen and his path.

A point that has been well established in the series is how Allen sometimes carries things all by himself. My personal impression of this is that it's not just because of his eye and seeing Akumas' souls, but also because deep inside, Allen was alone for a long time and in the end, he tries to protect his friends by not burdening them with his problems. Ironic since Allen is always ready to listen and help others…

So, he sometimes needs a good push to tell/admit when things are wrong. And honestly, take all that happened to him, especially how the Order treated him: Would anyone just say "Oh, it's fine" and actually feel like it? Sure, he understands the reasons behind such actions, but understanding doesn't help or change things at all. So, while he told Raz the truth, he also admitted to himself what happened and how he felt about it.

And with that off to the reviews!

jy24: Believe me, regarding the Order, things can only go worse from now on that Chaozii divulgated that little detail.

Wisely: Well, I guess no one will mourn him if I decide to break his mind.

Ana: Uh… Aren't you guys already torturing Lavi for information?

Wisely: But we have to restrain ourselves from going with all we can, so I'd like to torture someone I don't need to worry about breaking.

Allen: Do we even need to point out how creepy that sounded or that would be redundant?

Ana: Redundant… Well, about Levelier, I can't say what Hoshino planned for him (but if you ask me, it does feel like something along those lines, especially in the last chapter!). Regarding "Wanderers"… He does have a plan, that I can tell.

Kanda: Tch. That bastard always has a plan.

Ana: Don't worry! Kanda will be back in just a few more chapters! Since I'm covering all the time Allen spent away, even before meeting Kanda, it takes a while, but we're getting there! I'm so happy you're liking this fic so much! Hope this chapter was good, too!