Going through Niima was uncomfortable, but not as bad as Rey had feared it would be, at least not with Ben there with her; she seriously doubted about wither she would have been able to face this alone. As they walked in between the various stalls, memories of her time spent here filled her mind and she couldn't help but start to ramble away about what each stall was for, about the wash station used for cleaning the days finds, how those parts were then exchanged for hopefully enough food to survive another day. A part of her felt a bit guilty for just dropping everything on him without asking, but the majority of her knew that she had to get it out of her before it consumed her.
It may have been an odd thing to be relieved about, but when Ben started asking her questions about Niima, she felt it all the same. She was happy to answer; it let her process everything in a more calm, organized way then then the nonsensical rambling she had begun with. She had been about to answer another one of his questions -
"There you are girl. Did you really think you could come back with that stunt you pulled?"
-when suddenly there was a large, thick hand grabbing onto her arm, forcing her to stop in her tracks. She looked up sharply, intending to tell the offender to kriff off, but her words died in her throat as the undeniable face of Unkar Plutt stared back at her.
"No! Come back!"
"Quiet girl!"
Her throat grew tight and stomach twisted tightly into knots. The sun was blazing down on them, burning hot and merciless; yet she felt as if she had just been plunged into a pool of ice.
"Do I really have to go in there? The reactor's cracked! I could die!"
"Do as you're told, girl! At this rate if the reactor doesn't kill you, I will!"
No no no no no... this isn't right he can't he can't things have changed
She swallowed hard, forcing her fear down just enough so that she could speak. "Unhand me." It was short and simple, but the only thing she could manage; she just hoped that she had managed to keep her voice steady enough so as not to belay just how truly frightened she was. Showing such weakness now would not do her any favors.
"I do what she says, if you want to keep breathing." Suddenly there was a lightsaber at Unkar's throat, and she could see the skin behind it starting to char.
"And who do you think you are, boy?" Unkar let her go, but it didn't matter now; he was angry. Angry and injured.
"My name is Ben Solo."
She looked over at Ben, surprised; it was the first time she had ever heard him say his name. It would've meant more if only it wasn't too late. Unkar controlled the worth of everything that was brought in; he'd never give them enough to survive now, no matter what they found. She'd seen what happened to scavengers who had gotten too cocky, who had earned Unkar's ire. They'd never last at this rate, a few weeks if they were lucky; she could feel her legs grow weak at the thought, forcing her to lean on her staff for support. But then maybe – maybe if she found another ship and managed to repair it back to working order that would be impressive enough to get back into Unkar's better graces. If they were lucky then X'us'R'iia had raged recently and there would be a ship they could salvage enough of -
Rey, you aren't under his control anymore. You don't have to fight for survival.
It felt as if a warm, comforting blanket had been placed around her, and with it her racing thoughts finally began to slow down.
...Ben...?
It's me, and everything is alright now, Rey. He's gone and I won't let anything happen to you.
She opened her eyes slowly at his words, finding that he had placed his forehead against hers, with his hands gently holding either side of her face. "Ben..." Her voice was barely above a whisper as she looked up at his worried face.
"Are you going to be alright? Do you want to go back?" He asked her just as softly using his thumb to brush away something wet from her cheek; at some point she much have started crying.
She didn't answer at first; instead taking the time to regain her breath. His offer was incredibly tempting; she he knew that all she had to do was say the word and he wouldn't hesitate to pick her up and run back to the Falcon, taking her away from everything that could possibly hurt her here. But she knew that if she ran away now that she would never be able to truly put her childhood behind her. "No," she began finally, shaking her head against his, "I need to face this. I need to cement it in my mind that this is behind me now."
"Alright, if you're sure." He pulled away from her slowly, reluctantly.
"When did Unkar leave?" She asked after noticing the distinct absence of the large Crolute.
"Not long ago. He was smart enough to know that he didn't stand a chance against me." He grinned confidently before adding, "About him I could easily -"
"He's not worth it, Ben." She placed a hand on his arm, recognizing the familiar look in his eyes.
"But he hurt you." He spoke softly, taking her hands in his own. "Are you sure?"
"I am. You found out what he did from my mind, didn't you?"
"I'm sorry," his face turned apologetic and he glanced away as he spoke, "I know I should have asked before intruding but you were panicking and couldn't hear me -"
"It's alright," she squeezed his hands gently, giving him a weak smile, "I'm glad that you did. I don't think I would've been able to get out of it myself."
"You're stronger than you know. I'm sure you would have found a way out."
"You managed something too just now, didn't you?" She asked instead, wanting to get the attention off of her, When the only response she got was confusion, she continued, giving him a genuine smile this time. "You finally said your name."
She had known for a long time who he was, had tried to say his name as often as possible to help him affirm it – and now that she had a clear head, she could feel how significant it was that he had said it out loud. He was finally starting to accept who he really was, and she could feel a warm feeling begin to rise in her chest.
"…You heard that?" He glanced away again, and she could feel the embarrassment creeping into him.
She nodded. "I didn't get the whole conversation, but how could I miss something so important?" She was glad that she had been conscious enough to catch it, but she regretted the fact that she had missed what came after. She would have enjoyed watching Unkar back down for once.
"It wasn't that impressive…" He muttered, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink.
"Well I still think it is." She gave him another smile, squeezing his hands lightly. "Now, why don't we go find that speeder?"
It didn't take them much longer to find what they were looking for, sitting out in the open near one of the stalls, begging to be taken. It wasn't as good as the one that she had owned before, but then she had built that one and modified it to fit her own preferences. At the very least, she conceded, this one seemed big enough for two.
"Where would you like to go first?" She asked, turning to him. "We should still have time to go to either the graveyard or where I used to live."
"I want to see where you lived."
She nodded and hopped on the speeder, motioning for him to take a seat behind her. "Let's get going then."
As they sped across the sand toward where the wreckage of the walker that she had once called home, she felt lighter than she could ever remember on any of the previous trips there that she had made. This time she wasn't coming back alone after a long day with barely any food or water; no, this time she was coming back together with the most important person to her, helping her face down old demons. She couldn't help the small smile that slipped onto her face, feeling Ben's arms around her waist tighten ever so softly more in response.
"This is where you lived?" Ben sounded a bit incredulous once they had stopped at the downed walker.
"Are you really that surprised?" She gave him a look before jumping off the speeder.
"Well, I knew you didn't have much, but…" he trailed off, looking a bit awkward, as if struggling for how to continue, "I thought you would at least have a small hut, or something."
"You have to be rich to have one of those. C'mon," She went inside, motioning for him to follow her.
Inside, everything wasn't completely as she had left it, but then that was to be expected. You leave something alone long enough and someone was bound to claim it for themselves. She was drawn to the back wall however, touching the marks still etched on it lightly, running her fingers along them.
She had told herself that it was to count down the days until her parents came back, even while she knew in the back of her mind that it was really just counting the days of her loneliness. She hadn't wanted to admit it to herself that they were never coming back because she knew that she would never make it if she did. Her delusion was the only thing that kept her going, and even then, it was hard.
"Whoever you're waiting for, they're never coming back."
"You're so lonely. Every night you lay awake, desperate to sleep."
The truth had been hard to hear. She had lashed out, desperate to get away from it. First, she had been forced to confront the truth about her own family, and then she had to watch as someone else threw away the very thing that she had been so desperate for. Kylo Ren had parents who loved him, parents who were actually willing to risk their lives for him – and he had thrown it away without a second thought. She had been angry and lashed out at him, feeling no remorse for the injuries that she had given him at the time.
/
Ben had been more than a little surprised when they had stopped at the wreckage of an old Walker. From the very first time he had touched her mind, he knew that she didn't really have anything; yet still since he hadn't seen any concrete images he had come to convince himself that at the very least she had a small hut to call home, not some make shift, ruined remains of a former weapon of war.
And yet she treated the fact like it was completely normal, going inside like there was nothing wrong with the fact that only the rich got to live in proper houses.
I really don't like this; I don't like it at all
There wasn't much to look at inside; an old doll, a plant, a blanket, a hobbled together computer, and... was that supposed to be a workbench? He didn't really know why he was so surprised at the sorry state of things; but then maybe it was because he hadn't ever had to worry about things like food and shelter, and had by default pictured better for her.
He looked over at her, watching as she ran a hand along the markings that had been scratched into the wall.
"You're so lonely, so afraid to leave."
"What did you use this for?" He asked, motioning over to the make shift computer in an attempt to distract himself from the pang of guilt that had decided to settle in the pit of his stomach.
"Oh that," She turned away from the markings, moving so that she was instead standing in front of the machine. "I'd use this whenever I couldn't sleep or when the X'us'Riia was raging and it wasn't safe to go outside."
"You were thinking about the X'us'Riia earlier, but what is it?"
"It's a name for the sandstorms that happen occasionally, given by the Teedos after their god R'iia."
"So, it's a god of storms?" Ben asked as he came to stand next to her, his curiosity rising at the potential of learning about a new culture.
"More the god of anything bad that happens. R'iia is an angry god, and no matter what it is, if something bad happens, the Teedo would have you believe it's R'iia's doing. I never put much stock in it." She bent down as she explained, picking up one of the data disks that had been sitting next to the computer screen. "This," she began, holding up the disk for him to see, "is how I learned to fly."
"A flight simulator?" He asked in disbelief after taking a closer look. "So, before the Falcon, you never actually -"
"I flew a Ghtroc 690 briefly, once, but..." she trailed off, her eyes becoming sad, "that's a different story; maybe I'll tell you later."
Ben frowned, watching her closely. He definitely wanted to know more of the story to help her get past whatever pain it was causing her; but he wasn't about to pry, not when she didn't feel ready to tell him. Instead, his thoughts drifted back to the guilt that had been building within him the whole time they had been inside. Seeing exactly just what she had dealt with made him realize just how much he had taken for granted with what he had as a child. He never had to worry about food, water, shelter, he had even been taught to fly in an actual ship, with an actual person – his father – and yet here she was, leaning from trial and error from an old simulator. On the one hand it made her piloting skills that much more amazing to him; but on the other he couldn't help but be upset that was how it had to be for her.
"I'm sorry." He whispered, pulling her close into him.
"What for? None of this is your fault, Ben." He could hear the confusion in her voice, even if he couldn't see her face.
"The whole time you were here, struggling for survival and I..." He buried his face in her hair before muttering, "...I didn't even give it a second thought." He paused before adding a bit ruefully, "I wish we had met sooner."
"Wouldn't that have been nice..." She leaned into him, wrapping her arms around him tightly. "It's strange to think that we were both actually here at the same time before."
"I wonder what would have happened if I had come looking for the droid myself after that pilot and traitor escaped instead of making Hux do it."
"You mean Finn and Poe."
"Right, them. We could have met sooner if I had come after them instead."
"Maybe. I hadn't seen the map yet then; would you really still have needed me?"
"I'm sure the connection would still be there, and I would've found some reason to kidnap you anyway. But after that...I really don't know."
Silence fell between them, and he could tell that at least however briefly, Rey was entertaining the thought of them joining together a lot sooner than they actually had. "No use on dwelling what could have happened I suppose," Rey broke the silence first with a small sigh, "we should really start going if we want to make it to the Graveyard and back before nightfall, though."
"Alright, but just one more thing before we go." He pulled away just enough so that he could see her face, before leaning down and placing a soft kiss on her lips. "There, now we can go. I wanted you to have at least one good memory of this place." He said, grinning as he pulled away.
"Mm, I like that. But what about one more, just for good measure?"