Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray Man in any way, all credit goes to Katsura Hoshino.

Summary: Forced to leave the Order, Allen comes across a secret hidden in the depths of the Ark. Now, hunted by the Noah Clan and considered an enemy by the place he once called home, he has to search for the truth... The truth about Mana, Neah and himself. Where he came from and who he really is. Uncovering a web of illusions and doubts, Allen still moves forward as he promised to do... But what do you do in a war, when you feel like you don't belong to any side?

"Study the past if you would define the future" – Confucius.

Act Fourteenth – The Path Continues

The sound of the cutlery was accompanied by that of conversations. Different food' scents slithered in the air and, on opposite walls, black banners boasted the silver symbol of the Black Order. Not all members (whatever their roles) had meals together, but ever since moving to the new Headquarters their numbers had increased, making the cafeteria during common lunch and dinner hours invariable full.

Here and there, nestling among the sounds, it was possible to catch fragments of what was being said and not too much attention was necessary to understand them, especially if you focused your mind to hunt for certain terms.

It wasn't quite easy to keep things a secret in the Order. The story of how Allen Walker had intended to save a Noah's life had spread with the fury of hungry flames, as it had been back when he had been placed under surveillance along with Cross. It didn't matter that this had happened so long ago, it had fed the belief among people that he was a traitor as if it had happened yesterday.

Truth to be told, Reever was getting tired of hearing people insisting on the same subject as a junkie returning to a pleasure-inducing drug. Personal feelings aside, it was as if everything that had happened preyed on that strange delight people found when speaking ill of someone they've grown to hate. At Reever's side, Johnny ate in unusual silence.

Reever couldn't say he was sure of what he thought of Allen's actions… Not that he was starting to doubt the young man, far from it, and not that he didn't understand it either. Allen wasn't the sort that could abandon someone to die, regardless if they were friend or foe. It wasn't the same as killing on the battlefield and it would have clashed with his own morals. At the same time, the idea of saving a Noah did feel… Out of place. Almost as having to convince your mind that 2 plus 2 equals 5. You couldn't just think about it and not feel there was something wrong.

But that didn't make Allen a traitor.

Others, however, clearly didn't share the thought.

Sitting across him, Miranda chewed while looking at her plate with the soft gaze of an undisturbed lake, as if she had discovered the secret of how to shield herself from external stimuli, or at least how to eschew any emotional display (something that wasn't like her). A few tables behind her, Reever could see Chaozii talking with some Finders, two of them his friends who had also survived the massacre of Anita's ship and joined the Order.

Reever would have liked to not be angry at the Exorcist, to rationalize the other's behavior enough so it wouldn't bother him, however, it was complicated once he had heard fragments of comments and conjectures that seemed to be growing and feeding off those who spread it.

"Chaozii couldn't have picked a worse time to tell that to the Central…" Lenalee had managed to tell, both the superiors and others around, about the true circumstances, how Allen had honestly believed that Tyki Mikk had become a normal human and how he had probably felt that it was wrong to just leave someone to die like that. While a few seemed to have been confused by this and others in doubt, most had turned resistant to what they believed to be a lie told by Allen in order to fool the Exorcists.

After all, what evidence they had that the Noah had been exorcized, but Walker's own words? The fact that the stigmas had disappeared meant little to nothing, seeing how the Noahs could take a more humane appearance anyway.

Whatever it was, the event only worked as evidence of him starting to lean to the Noah Clan's side.

"This is getting way too out of hand. And ridiculous. What is happening here?" The question had a weak quality to it, an echo that could have come from childhood days. And there was no real reason for asking it, anyway. Perhaps this was but an exhibition of part of human nature. When involved in a war, paranoia and dread became a common consumption that invited those reactions of hate.

With enemies like the Noahs, you had to hold to the hate.

It was better than to be left with only your fear of them.

"Reever, please, calm down…" Miranda whispered slowly, calling for his attention. Seeing he hadn't understood what she meant, the woman indicated his hand with her eyes. "You're almost bending the fork…"

It was true, he realized. His hand had been pressing it, his knuckles white and his flesh shivered at the realization. The man took a deep breath, trying to regain control over himself.

Looking back at Miranda, he couldn't help but ask in a whisper.

"Don't you get bothered by this?" It was their luck they were the only ones at the table, which meant they could at least talk without unwelcome interjections or people listening. Krory used to sit with them, but he was still picking something for himself.

Miranda's eyes landed on Reever, her expression gentle. He noticed the shadows under her eyes were deeper. He wondered if she was having trouble sleeping or if they were because of stress. Maybe both. Johnny remained silent, his attention still on his own plate, as if he wasn't hearing or caring about the conversation.

"Of course it does, but…" She hesitated, trying to smile without much success. After a second deliberating whether to say what she had in mind or not, she continued. "You know, back in my old town, there were some children who used to mock me every single day… I know they were just children and I was the adult, and you could say they didn't know any better, but even so, it… It hurt."

It seemed that, as controlled as she was being now, the woman was unable to keep some of that old hurt from escaping to her tone. She smiled in the way that said it was all in the past and it didn't matter anymore. Reever knew better than to believe it and while he didn't understand where Miranda wanted to go with this, he thought he maybe got what she meant. And personally, he didn't think age could be used as an excuse here when those children had been old enough to understand consequences and what they were doing.

"Daggers can cut no matter who is holding them…"

"I could ask them to leave me alone, I could ignore them, everything. It didn't matter. They wouldn't stop. And I knew it."

"Not sure I follow…?"

"What I mean is that we can't change some people's minds, no matter what." She kept a sigh to herself, ignoring how it felt against her throat. It got to her, no point in lying, to hear what was being said about Allen, knowing there was nothing she could do for him, even if it was something as basic as speaking in his defense.

"Not that you did much of it either when he was locked up, did you?"

At this thought, Miranda almost looked down, but forced herself against it. Reever, however, noticed the corners of her mouth twitching, as if a bitter taste had come to it. It occurred to him that perhaps he had mistaken for self-control something that didn't have much to do with it.

"Whether because of… Of fear or because it makes sense for them, they just… They just see him as a traitor now." Like she had been seen as useless. "I try to think that I know the truth. And that I believe in it… In him." The words felt fragile in her mouth, ready to shatter like glass, but they were all she had to offer. It wasn't enough to know while not being able to act, but it was what they would have to content themselves with for now. "Because I know I just can't change their minds…"

The Order had enough to occupy the Exorcists when they were not in missions, the Central not being one to condone "idleness" and yet, time didn't matter when it came down to the workings of the brain. She frequently thought about Allen, being assaulted by ideas of where he could be in varied scenarios that, lately, had been in the extreme specter of black.

It turned out the mind was a fertile ground for thoughts of those nature.

And when it wasn't that, it was the ghost of when he had been placed under arrest and the weight of regrets. They were her constant companions now, only nestling in a corner when there was enough to demand attention around, but they never slept or left.

It was ironic… But all she could do now was to hope and pray for his safety.

The time when she could have tried to do something was long past.

Reever frowned unsurely. He saw how this line of thought might help to calm the mind and ignore the comments as much as possible, especially considering there was nothing else they could do about it… If nothing else, it might help to stop frustration from becoming something more toxic that would grow until it provoked a reaction that would only get them in trouble.

Somehow, he felt a little better and nodded. If it was because of her words or her understanding, he didn't know and didn't care, either.

Johnny noticed the Section Chief's demeanor becoming somewhat lighter, but his own mind was still full of dark veins.

"If Allen someday decides to change sides," He thought bitterly. "It will be because the Order pushed him to it." And he couldn't say that, deep in his brain, he thought that wouldn't be well deserved, that was the worst of it. Just like he couldn't blame the Order, as an organization, alone.

It wasn't as if he had been any better, was it?

The idea that the Exorcists (at least those who still believed in him) could try searching for him during their missions has come to him, but Johnny had a sensation that things wouldn't be so easy and not just because Allen had spent enough time with Cross to likely pick up a few hints as to how to keep himself from being found unless he wanted to: Levelier was an astute dog and it wasn't a secret that many of the Science Department and some of the Exorcists had been close to Allen.

"If he decides to send Central's Agents with them, using the excuse that it's for safety…" There had been rumors about it already, disguised as suggestions.

Meanwhile, choosing some food without truly caring for what he picked, Krory was in a similar situation. Just when the talk about Allen seemed to be diminishing, the "news" had renewed the interest on the matter.

It was tiring, to say the least.

"It makes you think…" A firm voice sounded behind him and upon turning, the vampire Exorcist caught a pair of dark eyes, a face marked by a large scar and dark blonde hair. He knew her, though they had never talked much: Klaud Nine, one of the Generals and whose unit Lenalee was now part of. "If people don't get fed up with talking about the same thing over and over."

Krory didn't say anything right away, unsure of why the woman would be speaking to him. Was it due to boredom in the line, weariness of hearing something she considered repetitive or something else entirely?

"Apparently, no." It was better to not say the reality of his thoughts to someone he barely knew and to keep the conversation on safe ground.

"I was at the reunion. Lenalee was quite adamant in defending Walker." The woman carried on with a tone that could have been used to discuss the chances of raining later. "Have you spoken to her, lately?"

Worry about her subordinate, then?

"I have." He replied in the same tone, adding. "It's no secret what she said. Everyone knows." At least this hadn't turned against Lenalee, with people being more sympathetic to her stand when considering how Allen's betrayal must have been painful to her. Krory wondered if a few of them hadn't taken her behavior as a sort of self-defense mechanism, as if she was in shock and needed time to process what had happened.

People had asked Chaozii for more details of what had happened in the Ark, about the fight and what Allen had done. In one of the occasions, Krory had been close enough to hear. The young man hadn't seemed to mind repeating the tale and when inquired about how Allen and Tyki had fought, he at least hadn't lied about how the white-haired Exorcist had almost had his Innocence shattered once again and how he had refused to attack Lavi.

Even if those were positive points, they didn't receive as much attention, and, seeing the results, Krory would still have preferred that Chaozii had kept his mouth shut. Allen, Lenalee, and Lavi (and he and Kanda, when told of the details they had missed) hadn't said anything about it after returning, partially because Allen had been placed under vigilance almost immediately and telling that would have been of no help, partially because even then they had all know somehow that the Central wouldn't understand Allen's attitude and it wouldn't be seen with good eyes.

"Do you think she believes Walker will be back?" The question sounded simple enough, but the words in itself felt like a trap slapping its iron fangs to Krory, who opted for a factual reply that wouldn't denounce what he believed.

"If he did, he would be killed anyway…" Or more likely captured, which was even worse. Those who had called Allen a savior now called him a traitor, not different from how the people back in his village had called him "vampire" and "monster", even when Allen and Lavi tried to explain that he had been, unknowingly, killing akumas and keeping them safe…

But they had hated him their whole lives… A long time mindset couldn't be changed easily and he knew that.

It was hard to start seeing a monster as something different, but the inverse was that easy?

Klaud limited herself to nod. The man was more controlled than Lenalee, not revealing his actual stand so easily, probably out of distrust towards her. Considering everything that had been going on, it was a sensate choice.

Deciding to not insist, what could be interpreted as an attempt to pressure him, Klaud found it better to keep her own silence unless Krory continued the subject himself and her dark eyes examined the cafeteria, registering faces.

"It didn't take one day for everyone to learn about what Walker did..." The reaction of some people was comprehensible, she supposed, taking in how fear could affect people like a disease that twisted the nerves and thoughts. However, Klaud was a woman who trusted her own instincts and the things that were left unsaid, at times, spoke more than what was said.

And Klaud's instincts agitated, sending waves through her veins.

Something was wrong.

"Indeed." She agreed in her mind. "There is something out of place, but what?" It felt like one of those things that were so obvious that this was how they could be unnoticed, as insane as the paradox sounded.

When Krory sat at Miranda's side, who was talking to Reever, Johnny greeted him briefly before standing with his empty plate.

"Done already, Johnny?" Reever asked, a bit surprised. The other merely shrugged with a small smile.

"I was really hungry. Besides, I want to take the free time to get some reports out of the way." He added. This could be a little peculiar, seeing how the Science Department still had more reports and work than the staff could handle (Komui had been speaking about a new invention to help before… Before everything that had happened), but it was for that reasons that most members preferred to enjoy their time away from the desks, be during free or meal hours, instead of rushing back to the room.

But those sitting there had an idea of what was the reason.

"You're planning to jog later again?"

"Yeah." He replied to Krory. "If I can get rid of part of the paperwork now, maybe I'll have more time later, too."

"Well… See you, then."

Reever followed Johnny with his eyes, thinking.

"He has been jogging a lot those days, right?" He muttered, unsure if to himself or any of the others, though perhaps the fact shouldn't surprise him that much. Many members of the inner Departments of the Order exercised from time to time, often using the gym area, due to the sedentary work. Perhaps Johnny had decided to take better care of his health.

However, the man's line of thought would be more correct if he paid more attention to the suspicion he had inside, but that hadn't taken shape and existed only in essence, so it went almost unnoticed even to himself.

There was a reason why Johnny Gill had started to exercise some weeks ago.

Everything was wrong and twisted. Even the air sometimes seemed to become glass shards when it reached the lungs. And Johnny remembered not only the night Allen had disappeared but especially the attack to the Order, right after the Battles of the Ark, the first time they had seen a Level Four Akuma.

The people who had been hurt, bodies turning black and breaking into dust without leaving a trait of their existence while others, in a light, had their shapes altered and were lost forever…

"Tapp…"

Johnny knew he was not important. In the Department, he could help with reports and tests, but once out of that area, in the great scheme of the Order, he was nothing. Just a human, weak and who couldn't even defend himself… There was a weight inside that called those thoughts back from time to time until they became constant, so constant that they were not conscious anymore. Only when Johnny realized there were days when he didn't want to get out of bed for reasons that had nothing to do with the comfort of sleep, he understood this emptiness that was called depression. It was a hollowness spreading, taking a slice from him with each passing die… And yet, there was something about it that lured him softly to it.

After all, even if he wanted, what could he ever do?

It had been like that for weeks, until he could barely care anymore.

No one had noticed it. As it turned out, it was easy to hide.

Then, one night he had been lying down, sleepless with images from the past replaying in his mind as they had done lately, remembering Allen, who had been so kind all the times they talked. Allen, who had almost died when fighting the Akuma Level Four. Allen, who the Earl had tried to coerce into going with him with the promise of destroying the Black Matter on the Thirds, sparing their lives...

Allen, who had then been caged.

Allen who had been left alone.

The young man had sat up. At that moment, he wasn't remembering Allen, he was thinking about him. The last days, spent in the frontier between reality and nightmares, tried to weight him down again, but this time, he held on.

What in the seven hells was he doing?

Fighting the lethargy that took over his members, knowing that if he gave in and stayed in bed he would be dragged back, Johnny had stood up and walked to the window of his room, almost still seeing Allen telling him that it would be alright, just like he had done so many times. A kind of fire was born in his nerves running through his blood and he had to make a conscious effort to keep that flame before he fell inside himself again.

Yes, all that had happened was awful, he couldn't even tell how things had truly reached that point.

So what?

To understand such particularities wouldn't make any difference!

"See the facts as they are, Johnny Gill!" He told himself with a new ferocity. "Separate the info you have, analyze it, find the solution. Isn't this how you solved the physics problems at school? Very well. Allen has Noah genes. The Clan is after him and so is the Order now. Do you need someone to draw the result to you? He is alone!"

As painful as the situation was, it was a thousand times worse for Allen. He shouldn't be thinking about his own incapacity or how he felt, but how Allen should be feeling. And what kind of "family" were they, if they had abandoned him?

Lenalee, Krory, the Exorcists couldn't do anything, they were too tied up by the Central. He was not.

Or at least, not as much as the others.

Yes, he was a mere human, without Innocence, and of weak health on top of that. Those were facts, but it didn't mean that they were also reasons to not do anything. That was when they stopped being facts to become the excuses of a coward.

He had thought, a little after the attack to the Order, that he didn't want to be a burden to Allen or any other friend. And what he had ended up doing? Words were just that, words. It was easy to say "sorry" or say pretty promises, but it was very different to apologize and keep promises.

Thinking about Allen alone and facing all this without having someone at his side, different emotions mixed in him, bitter and sweet, loud and low. He was worried for Allen, ashamed of himself, missing his friend, regretting, despising himself and the Order…

Without trying to solve that yarn ball, Johnny had made his decision, and ever since he had started to exercise every day. At first, it had been hard. He wasn't used to it, his body was slow, it took time to build a better resistance and some doctors had already called him on the danger of the excess. Johnny had heard them until a certain point, but still did the best he could without having consequences more damaging than beneficial.

His decision was made.

When his resistance improved enough for him to know he wouldn't be much of a burden, that he would be able to keep up, Johnny Gill would leave the Order.

There was, out there somewhere in the world, a friend who needed him.

XxX

"I'm nervous…" She muttered in a confession when they placed their things in a free area of the park where they wouldn't bother the path of others. Allen looked at her with amusement, face covered in white makeup.

"You're the one who said you wanted to give it a try…" The answer came in a playful tone, doing little to help Raz's tension and Allen some of her movements were stiff. "Look, we trained. Remember what I told you and you'll do fine, you'll see."

She remembered. The makeup was like a mask and it helped in a crazy sense. Like actors abandoned their identity to become characters when they stepped on the stage, they should leave behind theirs. There was no "Allen" and there was no "Raz", there were just two young pierrots.

Mana had taught this to Allen.

"If you get anxious, your performance becomes weak, your movements lose the confidence and the public will notice it. If you don't feel it, they won't either. Relax, show them the smile of someone who would jump over the fire and not get burned. Dance as if you could do anything. Remember, you are a pierrot. Trust yourself, Allen. You can do it" At the beginning, in his first performance, Allen had been scared… He had never tried anything like that and he had always been told to stay away from the public's sight back… Back there. Training with Mana was something, to actually perform was another.

"Trust yourself." Allen repeated. "You can do it."

"Breath, just breath" She spoke his previous advice, almost like a child repeating what her parents had told her. "Just be calm and send the tension away."

Some people walking by glanced at them and others were watching from a few steps away, perhaps curious or perhaps waiting to see what performance the two would offer. Allen opened a small bag, picked five balls and took some steps forward, proceeding to throw them in the air as he started to juggle. Upon fixating his rhythm, he would spin over a foot or jump as he did so, never letting a ball fall.

After some days and several tries, both had reached the conclusion that Raz had no knack for juggling. It was a polite way to say that, actually, the Noah girl wouldn't be able to do it not even to save her own life. Raz had been rather disappointed with herself while Allen had pointed out there was nothing wrong with it and there were other things she could do. Training of the likes they had, for example, taught balance and improved reactions and agility which also helped when learning how to dance.

Raz pushed a larger ball they had filled like a balloon, stretching over it with movements of a panther, twisting her back until she was on her hands, legs on air. With an impulse, she jumped somehow with the ball, managing to land on it without falling, making it roll as she twisted her body.

Some people were approaching, but they didn't matter… She knew they were there, but as a mass that had no meaning. All her focus was on the "now and here", body moving as if along a song only she and Allen could hear.

Allen was right, their training came to her and it called confidence with it.

Allen played a little of his old flute, he and Raz made some acrobatics that would have looked exotic in the eyes of those people, crossing in the air and combining moves to make a dance. There were sighs of admiration and laughs at their antics, even as Allen passed by them with a hat in hand. They sounded louder than the coins falling.

Their performance had lasted just the necessary ("Know the time to stop. Leave the public wanting more") and some children moaned in disappointment at it, a few trying to stay even when Allen and Raz started to put their things away, as if hoping their presence would somehow change their minds.

"See? You did good!" Allen exclaimed as they carried their things through the streets, the ball Raz had used an empty carcass in the bag. While he could see her usual lack of expression underneath the make-up, Allen was sure she had found the experience pleasing. She wasn't, by all means, excellent and would still need more practice, but she had done well for her first time… Allen realized it gave him a strange sensation of pride. The acrobatics had been her best moment, as she had more experience with those. He wondered if, with enough time, she would be able to dance while balancing hoops on her arms or legs like he could.

"Perhaps she could use her shadows to help?" It was an interesting thought, provided she kept them subtle enough for the people to not feel disturbed, but he wasn't sure if it would be safe. He made a mental note and decided to talk about it later.

The white and black makeup was almost a match of his own, her hair placed in a ponytail in order to keep it out of her eyes. The costume, at first, had been another matter as there were not enough pieces left from Allen or Mana's old clothes to make a completely new one that fitted her.

Then they had remembered the clothes she had been wearing when Allen had found her.

Taking it out of her backpack, Raz had studied it… When telling about his past, Allen hadn't left out what he knew about the Ark and how he had found her, along with all he could remember about the Noah Clan (not much), including how they used to be human before their genes woke up (not that he understood well what it meant)… And so had she.

She had been human once.

Raz had wondered then how had she been like before… Before becoming a Noah.

Allen had as well and seeing her holding that strange suit, examining it as if seeing it for the first time, he remembered that night, her gray skin and golden eyes… As much as it was her true form, Raz never changed to it.

With Barbar's help, they had mended what was necessary, just the end of one of the legs and a piece of the blouse's tail that had been ripped.

Allen had first seen the Noahs wearing those strange outfits back when they had invaded the Order in a group. Like the others, hers was primarily white and of a material that he had never felt before, light as water and softer than silk while being more resistant than it first appeared. It would allow great freedom of movements, especially when fighting.

The pants were rather simple, the outside of the thighs decorated with a silver-framed pointed oval cut, black strings crossing it in several small X and a needle-thin black line following down until the hems, stopping at a small cut at the ankles' side that created an inverted V. The long tail of her blouse had a silver strap at the hem. It reminded Allen of the swallow-tail of some coats, except longer and (whether because the fabric was so soft) more delicate-looking.

She had also worn those strange wristbands, made of three white straps held together by one silver button. Somehow, it made Allen think about the wristbands that patients of mental hospital wore (not that he would point that out).

They had taken out the old white thread in the v cut of her collar (thankfully, in Allen's opinion, a very decent cleavage. It wasn't that he cared much about what people wore or not, but he remembered how some of the Noahs' outfits left quite some skin exposed), replaced it with a black one and found some cheap black shoes for her as well. The final result wasn't quite a pierrot costume in the traditional sense, but with the make-up, the overall look was good enough. Perhaps later they could come up with some black adornments to add to it.

"I kinda forgot how I was feeling at some point…" The girl commented almost to herself with a small smile in the black-painted lips, her hair resting over her shoulder. Allen laughed as if saying "told you so".

Perhaps it was because a part of him was still used to perform with someone, but it had felt nice to have her with him then. Or maybe it was just the natural feeling of sharing something he considered fun and nice with a friend… In a way or another, it certainly called upon memories, not quite matching the present, as memories rarely do…

The small balls he juggled so easily now had once been bigger in his hands. He still remembered Mana teaching him how to do it and how proud he had felt when getting the hang of it… His favorite one, the dark blue one with a huge moon and three stars was still there. He had never told Mana he liked the thing, it had seemed childish and silly back then, but he knew Mana was aware of it, reason why he had given it to him. It was old now, one of the starts nearly faded…

The flute had once been big in his child's hands, his fingers holding it clumsily as he learned how to play it… Now it was smaller, almost like a toy, made fragile by the passing of time. When he had played after taking it out of the bag where Mother had kept it with the rest of his old things, the notes had been low, almost mournful as the instrument was used for the first time in years…

So much time had passed… So much had changed…

"I think I'll miss it here." The boy commented as he looked around the streets. Now that they would leave soon, it felt as if they had stayed for fewer days than they actually had. There had been some comfort in going back to a house and not an inn, in taking care of the gardens with Barbar and helping with other chores as if those were the only things they had to worry about.

There had been days when they had gone to the local church together. Since Raz hadn't done Catechesis (neither had Allen, honestly), she couldn't partake in the Communion, but she would attend the Mass anyway, usually making questions afterward that would lead to long conversations. Once, Allen had seen her sitting on the floor in front of Mother, who rested on her chair and explained about some passages of the Bible and what the sermon of the day had been about while the Noah listened, captivated.

Raz would think about it often, at times when lying down and waiting to fall asleep… If God had created all beings in this world, this implied He had also created the Noahs' (as, for the lack of other terms, species) and yet she knew that one Noah had told Allen that the Exorcists were following a false God (but according to Allen, she didn't care at all if humanity's demise was the wish of God or the Devil, so they didn't know for sure how much of this was true either)…

This also led to another thought… Raz remembered the passage when Jesus had taught the apostles the "Our Father" prayer and the local priest had pointed out during the sermon how, with this, God allowed his creatures, his creations, to call him father, showing that He loved them in the same manner as a father with his children.

This stayed in her mind… Wasn't she a creature of God as well, then? Like the rest of the Clan? And if so, didn't God love them?

But then… Where did this leave the Clan in this stage of a "holy" war?

It was confusing.

"Me too… I liked it here." Raz agreed, with similar feelings that he had about their stay. It had been pleasant and most of all, peaceful. A small taste of what life could be with somewhere to go back to, as fragile as it had been.

Well, they needed to go on. And it wouldn't be so bad, after all. They would get to see Lauren and the others again. Suddenly with this idea, she turned to Allen.

"Don't you think we should try getting in contact with Alison and the others?"

"I've thought about that, too. I think it would be good." They had called one time at the hotel Elana and the others had said they would be staying at, in the city they had been heading to as it always had reasonable prices. Allen had been relieved to hear that she and the others were indeed there and to hear that they were alright. "They said they would be leaving next week…"

"We could go meet them… Unless you already have another destination in mind?"

"Not exactly…" The boy sighed, looking ahead. The fields were already visible and soon they would leave the streets behind. A small child laughed in his mother's arms upon seeing them and waved his little hands, perhaps thinking they were clowns. The woman smiled warmly at them and Allen responded to the gesture. "It will be complicated, but I remember a little of their route…"

Allen had been thinking about ways he could investigate his own past. Perhaps then he would be able to discover how and when he had turned into the Fourteenth's host… And from then, get some idea of how to fight it.

He could hope, at least…

Years ago, when he was a child, Allen had frequently wondered, usually late at night, where he had come from and who he truly was. If he asked about it (when he dared to, before learning better than that), the only reply received was that he had been found, cast away like trash. With time and coming to a better understanding of the workings of the world around, Allen had accepted it. That was what happened with broken things, with unwanted things. They were thrown away.

And with his deformed arm, Allen felt he certainly fit the bill…

With this acceptance, at some point in his life, such questions had been pushed away, to be left in the sad place for old toys. They had ceased to matter. Now he allowed himself to wonder again. Even if it was true, Allen still wanted to know how it had happened. He needed to.

He had admitted to wanting to know about Neah and Mana as well, having already realized he actually knew little of them (even Mana, when it came down to anything related to the war or the Noahs)… But he had been forced to see that the person he also didn't know about was himself. He had chuckled when thinking about it.

In the end, perhaps he wasn't that different from Raz...

"Allen" had been the name Mana had given him. But what about before this? Had he ever had a name?

He didn't know.

The only place he had in mind as a starting point was the place where he never wanted to go back: The circus where Mana had found him.

That idea gave birth to repulse, no matter how necessary it was. And finding a traveling circus wouldn't be so easy either. At least, as he had told her, Allen still remembered a little of their typical route and could hope the troupe still followed it, knowing they would have a good public in those towns…

"Well, even the closest town we could try is still quite far…" It wouldn't be any major detour if they headed to meet the Exiled and besides, they both wanted to see them again.

"Ah!" Allen exclaimed as if recalling something and stopped, placing the suitcase on the ground and opening it a little as to not let the contents fall out of it. Raz frowned, not understanding what he was doing. "But before that… Here!"

Standing up, he turned to her with a smile as he showed his fist, opening it to reveal a silver thread resting in his palm.

Raz looked from his hand to him.

The boy nodded vehemently, smiling in incentive for her to pick whatever it was.

"I thought you would like it! It's a gift, for your first presentation!"

Hesitantly, the girl picked it and examined it… It was a tiny chain with some ornaments placed at regular spaces… Her finger ran over the delicate links with a light touch, as if fearing she might break it. The pendants were silver tears, frozen in different shapes. Tiny jingle bells that rang gently, a crescent moon, a star…

She had seen them before.

"But Allen… This…" She started, uncertain as her eyes raised to meet Allen's. Those adornments had once been sewed in Allen and Mana's old costumes. Somehow, it didn't feel right that he would give her something that had been part of those suits. It made her feel like an intruder of sorts. This was something that had been theirs. Even if those were just decorations from their pierrots' suits, they had been part of their daily lives and one of the few things Allen had left…

Not wanting to listen and already aware of what she was probably thinking, Allen shook his head.

"It's for you."

"But…"

"It's an anklet" He explained, his voice going a little louder to block her words. "You know, you wear it on your ankle. Or… You didn't like it?" He asked innocently, fully aware of how this was not the case, but it had the desired effect all the same.

"Or course I did!" She hurried to say. "It is beautiful, it's just that…"

"Raaaz…" Gray eyes remained on her, making it clear that nothing else she said would be of any use. "It is for you."

Unable to reject it or say anything else, she placed her own bag in the ground for a moment and leaned down, placing the chain around one of her ankles. The bells made a soft tlink when she shook it a little to see if the clasp was well closed.

The chain should be cold, but it felt strangely warm.

She did love it.

"Thanks, Allen…" She muttered with a soft smile. "Thank you…"

XxX

"We'll miss you so much! You guys have to come by again, okay?" Barbar said, hugging Allen as if meaning to crush his bones. "We'll miss you both!"

"And watch out, you two." Mother muttered, a cloud of light smoke escaping the end of her pipe. "Though if I won't even bother asking you two to have common sense…" She grumbled as she shook her head, onyx eyes falling on Raz, who had already learned that it didn't matter that Mother was shorter than her, she possessed a type of strength that could make anyone feel small.

"Stay with him, girl." The tone was of warning, but if regarding the other Noahs or herself, Raz couldn't tell and just acquiesced. The ferocious stare became harsher, demanding a verbal answer.

"I will."

"Good!" The woman seemed satisfied. "You watch over each other." Her attention turned to Allen when Barbar let him go, his strong arms now wrapping around Raz, squeezing and lifting her as if she was a mere doll. Allen couldn't tell if she was completely comfortable with the display of affection that could be a little excessive, or not.

"Don't forget what I told you, boy," Mother continued. "Don't lose yourself. This is an inner battle, you'll need more than physical strength."

"I know…"

"No, you don't." The woman interrupted so severely that Allen lowered his gaze as a reprimanded child, but not feeling quite so bad about it. "If you knew it, I wouldn't be saying anything. Always… Always be firm. Don't doubt who you truly are, Allen Walker."

Her eyes slithered to the Noah, as Barbar repeated how he hoped they would see each other again, a feeling the old woman shared.

"This goes for the both of you" She whispered. "Be careful."

XxX

The phone rang just twice before a masculine voice answered. Allen told the names of those he was searching for and, after a few moments, another voice picked the line.

"Hi, Allen!"

He couldn't avoid a smile with a chuckle.

"How did you know it was me, Lauren?"

A giggle, almost as the singing of a morning bird came from the other side.

"Well, the receptionist said there was a boy who wanted to talk to me or the others." A moment of silence during which Allen could imagine her raising a shoulder. "The only ones who actually know the exact hotel we'd stay are you and Raz, sooo…"

"Okay, okay" He gave in, shaking his head. "It was a silly question."

"Just a little bit." The girl replied and he heard the smile in her voice. "Tell me, how have you guys been? Are you safe?"

"We're fine… We're leaving Liverpool, just waiting for the train." At his side, Raz waved her hand a little. "Raz is saying "hi", too."

"Tell her I sent a hug! Hey, where are you heading?" As usual, she was unable to contain the excitement in her voice. Allen could almost see her now, eyes shining, all of her seeming to have more energy than her body could contain. Things must be going well for them (or at least, peaceful). "We could meet! And you guys could travel with us again! The others are worried and…"

"Well, Lauren… Actually, we've been thinking exactly about this, if that's okay with everyone." He added quickly, to which she made a sound that was between a scoff and laughter, indicating that his idea that the others might not agree with it was ridiculous. "The train we picked heads to where you're staying…" He was about to say that unless they were also leaving, they could decide another place where to meet, but Lauren didn't let him finish.

"Great! Do it! I told you, we were worried about you guys. I mean, whatever you need to do, it doesn't mean we can't stay together. It's safer that way"

Allen felt words gluing to his throat. He and Raz had been just as worried. Not for the first time, feeling the warmth of Timcampy as the golem nestled itself on his head, he lamented how the Exiled had no golems of their own that they could use. It would have made communication far easier.

"But what about you? Are you all safe?"

"We're okay. We met an akuma while coming here. A level One, so no problems. It was easy." If compared to the Level Three, floated between them without needing to be said. Allen still felt uneasy… There was no doubt Tyki would have told the rest of the Clan about them. He wanted to hope that the Exiled would remain out of the Earl's reach, that he would rather focus more on the Order, but…

"He tried to attack Elana. Actually…" She paused in consideration. "His face when he saw we all had Innocences was a bit funny."

"Funny, you say. Lauren…" He said her name with a sigh. It was hard to imagine anything an akuma did as "funny" and this included when the three he had met in the Rewinding Town had started to play "paper-rock-scissors" with him standing right there.

"Alison said the same thing!" The other replied, completely undisturbed. "Hey, seriously, you didn't see it. The thing had the most "Oh, crap!" expression ever. So, you guys will come here, we go meet you in the way, how's it going to be?"

"We should take some days to get there yet… Maybe even more…" Allen imagined, calculating the actual distance. "But we're going to try to get there as soon as possible."

They still talked for a while longer, before Allen gave the phone to Raz. Even with the idea of having to track the old circus where he had lived, there was a pleasant sensation in the idea of meeting the Exiled again.

He could hold to that.

Wolf: You know, while writing the goodbye scene, I kinda saw Mother as Lady Olenna from Game of Thrones. A short chapter without much happening, sorry. But don't worry, we'll be back to action soon. Allen's decided to go in search of his old circus... Oh, for those who wish to know, the song of last chapter was "Hanakotoba wa Kodoku" ("The Flower's Meaning is Loneliness") from Kuroshitsuji's musical "The Most Beautiful DEATH in the World".

Road: Hey, when I'll be back? I want to see Allen!

Tyki: Don't let Sheryl hear how much you love him, he will want to rip him apart.

Road: He has to understand that I just love Allen! End of story.

Allen: Don't I get a say in this?

Ana: Guys...?

Wisely: Since when this became Romeo and Juliet or whatever?

Allen: Where do we look like Romeo and Juliet?

Ana: HEY?

Road: Plus, we will have a better ending than them.

Lenalee: Wait a minute, everyone knows I'm supposed to be with Allen!

Ana: We have reviews to respond, hello?

Road: Yeah, forgot... You were literally created just for that, we could cut you off the story and it would make no difference, Miss. I Cry And Do Nothing! I, on another hand, am interesting even if I wasn't in love with him!

Lenalee: WHAT? Please, you're a Miss Psychopath! You don't really like Allen, you've hurt him a thousand times! You're even worse than a yandere, you...

Tyki: Oh, there we go...

Allen: Should we try to do something?

Wisely: Advice, getting involved in a girls' fighting only means trouble. When they have powers, is suicide.

Ana: I usually say "no shipping wars", but they are part of the ships, so... Whatever, this is too weird, can we please go to the reviews?

bibliophile030: That's a relief, I tried to imagine how they would react. Angered at her refusal, but some still go for the "lack of memories" excuse. For now, the Earl is leaving them be, but as Tyki and Sheryl said, this may not last much.

Raz: Meaning, we're screwed?

Ana: Pretty much.

Allen: I know! She is really nice! I hope we will get her memories back!

Ana: Don't worry, all will be revealed with time...

jy24: It was about time he finally told her everything. So, no more secrets. Raz came to the Noah Clan a lot before Neah's betrayal, actually.

Allen: Was he the one who placed her inside the Ark like that?

Ana: Not saying. There will be more soon and while major details may delay, I'm happy that people are wondering of what happened! If you have any idea/theory/suspicion, please tell me! I'd love to know!