A/N Since I originally wrote what I thought was going to be a small one-shot i painted myself into a corner, but then I realised that although Hermione had heard how Harry feels, Harry doesn't know how Hermione feels. Also emotionally he has been put through the ringer for months and that has had an effect along with the abuse when he was a child.

Previously

'It's true, he really loves me…. for me,' she thought and all her worries and insecurities fell away.

"Oh Harry," and she moved to him, pecking him on the lips, putting her arms around him and resting her head on his chest as she listened to his heart beat, "You'll never have to."

Chapter 2

Harry removed Hermione's arms and pulled back from around him.

"Hermione, don't!"

Hermione just looked at him in confusion. "Harry, what's wrong?"

"Hermione." he said, both pain and longing in his voice. "You have just seen your boyfriend with another girl and suddenly you are all over me and wanting to be with me forever? How can I trust you? How can I trust your feelings?"

Hermione felt as if a knife had just lanced through her gut.

"W-What do you mean, how can you trust me?"

"Hermione, you have had a fight with your boyfriend, snogged me, maybe on the rebound, and you haven't even split up with him."

"What! You think I'd stay with that… that thing! After what he has done to me?"

"You kissed him and started going out with him despite everything in the past between you two." Harry said bitterly.

"Damn it Harry, why didn't you say something about your feelings for me sooner!" she snapped.

"Because you made your choice and it wasn't me!" he yelled "I swore to protect you from harm and hurt, including from me. I should have stayed with my original choice, it would have hurt less!"

"What choice? Harry, what do you mean."

Harry turned away. "Never mind."

"Harry you can't just say something like that and not tell me! Who was your original choice?"

"You don't want to know."

Hermione grabbed his arm and spun him around. "Darn it Harry talk to me, what choice?"

"Are you really sure you want to know?

"Yes!"

"Be careful what you ask for." He said softly. "I haven't ever told you everything that happened after I walked into the Forbidden Forest."

Flashback

Harry walked into the forest, his heart breaking. 'She kissed Ron'.

"Ah, Mr Potter, so good of you to join us."

"Just get this over with, Tom."

"Mr Potter, you seem awfully eager."

'If Hermione is with Ron what do I have to live for?'

"Living is only important if you have something to live for. A world with you in it isn't worth it, you half-blood wanker."

"Why you… AVADA KEDAVRA"

Harry saw the green light coming toward him and didn't even try to dodge.

He awoke to a bright whiteness, slowly getting up, he recognized King's Cross station, but all in white shades.

"You brave, brave man" Harry heard. He spun around.

"Professor Dumbledore?"

"Yes Harry, well done, you have destroyed the last horcrux, the one Voldemort never intended to make."

"Where are we? What happens now?"

"That's entirely up to you?"

"What do you mean?

"Harry, we are at a train station, I imagine you could board a train."

"To where?"

"On… or you can choose to go back."

"When I saw her in the Forest, mum said they would be with me always. Would they all be there?"

"Yes, Harry, they would."

'Go back and watch Hermione with Ron for the rest of my life, or get to know my parents, see Remus, Tonks….Sirius…. all the people who love me….'

"I have nothing left to live for, I will go on to my parents."

"Are you sure Harry? Even though all the horcruxes are destroyed, it doesn't mean the light will win, you can't be certain that the prophecy is already fulfilled by your actions."

"Haven't I done enough?" Asked Harry bitterly.

"You have had more taken from you than anyone should have to suffer." Dumbledore said with a slightly guilty look.

'Yeah, you took my childhood' thought Harry. 'You say love is the power he knows not and stop ME from knowing it either.'

"You have also done more than should be asked of anyone. Greater love hath no man—"

"Oh please Professor, without her going to be in my life, dying was easy." Dumbledore winced and then sighed.

"Yes, dying is easy, Harry, all of us manage it sooner or later. But can you live for her? Live to make sure Tom is defeated? He is mortal now."

"No Professor, I would only survive, not live. You know the old saying, 'Heaven would be hell without her at my side.'"

"And worse I imagine, seeing her with someone else. The choice is yours, Harry."

'Why, why do I have to love her so much?'

"You know that's not true, Professor."

Dumbledore sighed "Yes Harry, I do."

"So, I must live in Hell."

End Flashback

"You initially chose not to come back because of me, but you came back anyway to make sure I would be safe?" Hermione whispered

"Yes"

"And you feel you have been in hell ever since?"

"…..Yes"

A deep, heart wrenching, wailing sob escaped Hermione. She fell on the bed, curled up in a ball and sobbed inconsolably. Harry put a hand on her shoulder, but she yelled brokenly between sobs "GO!, JUST GO AWAY! I DON'T DESERVE YOU!"

Feeling a bit rejected despite the inward nature of her words, Harry closed the door and started to walk through the castle.

'How can I trust her, how can I know she means it. She went to Ron before the battle was even finished. If I were to go out with her and we split up... I just want the pain to stop…'

After about 10 minutes aimless wandering with his thoughts going around in circles, Ginny ran up to him as he walked with silent tears tracking down his face.

"Harry, you're crying, what's wrong? Ron said that Hermione, you and he had a fight. What happened?"

Harry sighed "Hermione caught Lavender and him shirtless and snogging in the Room of Requirement."

"What!? That bastard! How could he, I'll hex him to the top of the astronomy tower and back! How could he do that to Hermione!?"

"Ginny, leave him. He hit Hermione as well and called her a mudblood. I will deal with him later." Harry said coldly.

All colour drained from Ginny's face. "Ha- Harry please… please don't kill him! He's my brother, I know he's an insensitive idiot—"

"I won't harm him physically Ginny," Harry interrupted, "but he may wish I had."

"Ok" Ginny said unsure if she should object further. "Is Hermione OK?"

"She is crying in the Room of Requirement."

"And you left her there?"

Harry sighed, his eyes dropping. "She and I had a bit of a fight as well."

"What about?"

Harry hesitated, but having gone out with her in the past, Harry didn't feel he could lie to Ginny and she knew him too well for him to put her off.

"I don't know if I can trust her-"

"Harry!" Ginny exclaimed, "you not trust Hermione? You've got to be kidding me. Explain!"

So Harry told her everything that had happened up to but not including what had happened in the forest. "So how can I be certain, how can I be sure."

Ginny sighed. 'How do I get through to him? She is the only one he will ever love. For almost all of the four months since the war ended I've hinted I was interested and he didn't even notice. I have had to accept he can never be mine but I want him happy even if it's not with me.'

"Harry, let's try a little experiment."

Ginny put her arms around Harry's neck and gave him a sultry look. "You always said you would come back to me some day and I think now's the day. Let's find an empty broom closet." With that Ginny reached up and gently kissed him. Harry stiffened, and after a few uncomfortable seconds with no response from Harry, she pulled back her arms still around his neck.

"That's what I thought." She looked Harry in the eyes. "Harry, do you trust me?"

"Yes" Harry said, a little confused as to why she wasn't unhappy about his lack of response.

"Harry, I'm no supermodel, but I'm a girl you have been involved with in the past who just offered to let you have your way with me, and I know you find me attractive. If you were going to respond to just about anyone it would be me. Am I right?"

"I guess so" said Harry still confused.

"Who DID you respond to a little while ago, despite all the hurt she has caused you?"

"But—"

"Harry," Ginny said getting exasperated "SO you think you could ever love anyone else?"

His eyes dropped again. "No," he said softly.

Ginny sighed again "Harry, do you know what 'Dum vivimus vivamus' means?"

Harry frowned, "Live life?"

"Close, it means, 'While we live, let us LIVE!' You already know that without her you'll barely survive. What do you really have to lose? Remember when you were looking at the Mirror of Erised? To paraphrase what you told me Dumbledore said, 'It does not do to dwell on your fears and forget to live.' How do you know how Hermione feels about you?"

"She kissed Ron—."

"Yes, she did." Ginny interrupted, "But that doesn't tell you how she feels about you."

Harry's eyes widened "I've been making assumptions about how she feels."

"Yes, you have." Ginny stated "You can't read her mind Harry."

Ginny hugged him and said "Harry, I love you, but it was always more about the idea of you than the wonderful person you are. Go and ask her how she feels about you and when that started." Ginny kissed him on the cheek, "Go to her Harry, she needs you like you need her."

Harry opened the door on the room of requirements hoping Hermione was still there. He saw Hermione sitting on what was now a couch, tears rolling down her face, her shoulders shaking silently, a picture of misery as she stared at a fire in the fireplace.

Harry slumped 'I caused this, I have to fix it…if it can be fixed.'

Silently, he called on the room to refuse admittance to anyone else and the door disappeared.

Sitting down on the couch next to her, Harry put his arms around her and pulled her unresisting form to him. He held her for a few minutes until her tears stopped.

"Hey," He said softly. "Can I talk to you?"

"How can you even stand to be near me?" Hermione said as she pulled away and moved to the end of the couch, pulling her legs up and putting her arms around them defensively.

Harry sighed. "Hermione, I'm sorry I pulled away from you earlier."

"No, I understand. You just don't want me." She said hollowly.

"No Hermione, I… I think I do…. I was scared... Merlin this is hard. I realised, with some help, that I have been making assumptions about how you feel about me…. and about him."

"What do you mean?"

"Hermione, I'm scared that what you seemed to feel earlier isn't real. I need you to tell me how you feel about me and how those feelings started. No evasions, no avoidance, no sparing my feelings, please just tell me how you feel," he pleaded.

'How can I tell him I wasn't really serious when I kissed Ron when it hurt him that much? I don't deserve him given how much I done…. But if I don't let him know how I truly feel…. what then? What do I have to lose? I can't lie to him, I want my friend back."

Hermione sighed, "OK, it won't be easy for me….. It started in first year when you saved me from the troll."

"I had help with that."

"He wouldn't have been there if you hadn't dragged him there".

"...True."

"It grew from there, you've always been there for me, I know how long you sat by my bed when I was petrified. You never pushed me away, even when we fought about the broom. I'm sorry about that by the way."

"Don't worry about it, you were right to be cautious."

Hermione continued, listing all the little and big things that had shaped her feelings, including her frustration at Harry's apparent lack of interest in her and her then giving up the previous year. She explained how she had kissed Ron as much because of relief at being alive at that point and things had drifted on from there, not because she was that close to Ron, but because it was easy with Ron's apparent enthusiasm. Finally, she finished her tale.

"Harry, I've been in love with you for years, but I'm afraid that early in sixth year I gave up, I don't really understand why. Do... Do you hate me now?"

Harry gave her a sad smile. "Hermione, despite everything, I could never hate you." With that, he held out his arms. After a moment's hesitation, she moved across the couch and lay down between is spread legs and cuddled into his chest. His arms went around her and within their protective circle she felt safe to question him.

"Why didn't you say anything about how you felt since the battle?"

"I assumed you were madly in love with him and didn't care about me that way." He said eyes downcast. "Every time I saw you together you were kissing. He also told me how great things were going."

"That bastard, for the last couple of weeks, he ONLY ever kissed me when you were around. He was doing it to hurt you, and he used me to do it. I feel ashamed."

"Ssh" Harry leaned down and kissed the top of her head "You have nothing to be ashamed of. I should apologise to you for not telling you sooner. After seeing you is the hospital wing after the battle at the ministry I knew I wouldn't be able to go on without you alive."

"Why didn't you say something?"

"I don't know, after I spoke to Dumbledore, I just felt compelled to keep some distance from you."

"I suppose given my injur—" Hermione suddenly stopped. "Compelled? He wouldn't have….would he?"

"Harry, come with me," she commanded. Grabbing his hand she pulled him up and they left the room.

"Where are we going?" Harry asked as Hermione pulled him down the corridor.

"The infirmary" she replied. "I need Madam Pomfrey to check something for us and before you ask, I'd rather not say what in case I'm wrong."

Entering the ward, Hermione walked over to Madam Pomfrey after leaving Harry at his normal bed.

"Miss Granger, what happened to your cheek?"

"What? Oh! That's not important right now."

"Let me heal it quickly. There is a small cut and bruising."

Bringing her wand up, Madam Pomfrey healed her. "There, all done. There will however be a tiny scar on your cheek."

"Thank you Madam Pomfrey. Can I ask, are you skilled in detecting Mind Magics?"

"Sadly, yes" she replied. "During the both wars I had to check patients for such things before I risked treating them."

"Could you please check Harry for me? Please don't tell him what it's about in case I'm wrong."

Madam Pomfrey walked with Hermione over to Harry.

"Mr. Potter, Miss Granger has asked me to scan you. do you have any objections?"

Harry shook his head while looking at Hermione with a questioning expression.

"Very well." The healer bought her wand up and cast a series of diagnostic spells before dropping it again with a stunned expression on her face. She looked back and forth between Harry and Hermione.

"Was I right"

"Y-Yes you were….. Mr Potter, there is residue of a compulsion charm on you, it fell about 18 months ago I would estimate."

"What was the nature of the compulsion?"

"To avoid forming a relationship with Miss Granger."

"Can you tell who cast it?"

The healer hesitated. "Yes, I recognise the magical signature."

"So… who was it?"

"Albus Dumbledore."

"That bastard" spat Hermione. "Is there anything else?"

"Yes." Madam Pomfrey looked ashamed of her old headmaster "There is also a very slight attraction charm, focussed on you Miss Granger."

Holding in her anger Hermione asked "Madam Pomfrey, please check me as well."

The healer raised her wand again, cast the same spells and looked horrified at the results.

"What?" asked Hermione getting even more angry.

"There are two charms, a mild aversion charm to Mr Potter, it would have affected you in your sixth year and caused you to fight with Mr. Potter and not be your normal rational self."

Harry's face was pale. "That arrogant arsehole! He didn't want me distracted by a relationship with you, but still wanted me to have a reason to fight."

"If he wasn't already dead, I'd kill him. HOW DARE HE!?" she screamed. Seeing the sick look on Harry's face, she thought "He needs me". She forced herself calm. Turning to Madam Pomfrey she asked, "and the other charm?"

Madam Pomfrey couldn't look at them. "The second one is still active and has only been in place for a few weeks… It is a compulsion to prevent you from splitting up with Mr Weasley, it was cast by Mr Weasley." Madam Pomfrey waved her wand again. "It is removed."

"I'm going to kill him," Hermione hissed "I'm going find him and kill him."

Harry grabbed her, "No! If I'm not allowed to kill him, neither are you! I don't want either of us in Azkaban!"

Hermione burst into tears and sobbed into Harry's chest. "I feel so violated, as I said before, he was doing it to hurt you and he used me to do it. How could he…"

"He's a petty jealous git. But Hermione, he has hurt you." Harry said, his voice hardening. "I will deal with him later, don't worry."

Harry turned to Madam Pomfrey, "Do you have to report this?"

Madam Pomfrey said, "not unless you wish to press charges."

Hermone shook her head, "No, I just want to forget it."

Madam Pomfrey nodded, "Alright, but you have six months i you change your mind."

Gradually Hermione calmed down and – with an abrupt goodbye to Madame Pomfrey - they retraced their steps to the Room of Requirement.

"So, what do we do now?" Hermione asked with some trepidation.

"I don't know!" Harry said, tears starting to fall down his face. "You heard Madam Pomfrey. We've both been under compulsions, is anything we feel real? I can't trust my own feelings, I want to be with you, but I can't tell if things are real? I'm worthless, the Dursley's were right, I am a freak. You should find someone worthy of you," he sobbed and started to get up to leave.

'A freak, that's what the Dursley's called him. Why would he think that?" Then Hermione realised and her heart went out to him. "He was told for years he was a freak and worthless, despite saving the wizarding world…saving ME. Deep down, he still believes it, believes he's not worthy of me, unless I fix this he's not going to stay with me. If I let him leave here like this, he will withdraw into his shell and never come out.'

She leapt off the sofa "Harry, NO, don't leave."

He turned "Why would you want me to stay?"

Grabbing his arm, she looked at him and moved his head up so he was looking at her.

"Harry, do you trust me?"

"With my life Hermione you know that, you have saved it many times."

"Yes, when I was by your side, I saved you and you saved me. We have always been there for each other and now we will be again. If you can't believe in yourself, believe in me. I will be by your side through this. We ALWAYS work as a team. As a team, we beat the worst dark lord in centuries and as a team we will beat this! Harry, I know you can't be certain of anything right now, but I love you! I will NOT let you go through this alone! Trust me, Harry and remember I am saying this IN SPITE of the compulsions. Just trust me and let me help you!" She said hugging him tight until the tears stopped.

Finally, Harry hugged her back, inhaling the scent of her hair. "How did I ever get so lucky as to have you as a friend?"

A/N Ok that's it for chapter 2. Next chapter Hermione is going to help Harry sort this and probably deal with Ron. I'm currently leaning towards an article in the Quibbler detailing what's happened but not sure. If anyone has suggestions, feel free to PM me. As everybody says, Please review! It helps me get better!

Marc