Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray Man in any way, all credit goes to Katsura Hoshino.

Summary: Forced to leave the Order, Allen comes across a secret hidden in the depths of the Ark. Now, hunted by the Noah Clan and considered an enemy by the place he once called home, he has to search for the truth... The truth about Mana, Neah and himself. Where he came from and who he really is. Uncovering a web of illusions and doubts, Allen still moves forward as he promised to do... But what do you do in a war, when you feel like you don't belong to any side?

"When you look long into an abyss, the abyss looks into you" – Nietzsche.

Act Eighteen – Hunter and Prey

In a city which normally had a high flux of tourists and travelers, people were used to seeing here and there in the streets something to look at. At times, travelers hoping to receive exchanges for songs or quickly drawings, poets reciting about faraway lands or people carrying small boards in front of their chests held by straps over their shoulders, showing all kinds of things they were selling, from toys to trinkets.

In one of the streets, in front of some steps leading to a courtyard, there was a large tablecloth with all kinds of paraphernalia, writing machines, and clocks. A small board announced "Fast Repair Services" and sitting on the steps, only the man with glasses and curly hair seemed to be fine, welcoming clients with smiles. The other two boys refused to look at each other, both with harsh expressions and the girl had her elbow on her knee, resting her face on her hand as she watched the man with glasses fix some of the stuff. It was hard to say if she was bored or just calm.

Johnny's idea of opening a small service like that hadn't been all bad and even if they had started to offer repairs just three days ago, apparently people had commented with their friends and the incoming was being relatively good for a small business that had just started.

Allen wasn't that pleased. Not that he had anything against it, but he was already used to performing again and playing cards to help with their living, no matter the complications and inconsistencies. The major factor for his current mood, in the end, was that the shackle Kanda had placed on him was as firm as ever and was, apparently, exceptionally resistant.

"Figures. Their inventions keep haunting me. All those Komurins and I don't know what else were useless and yet this has to be the one thing that actually works."

Kanda hadn't said anything about it, preferring to ignore the subject.

Raz, on another hand, was not exactly much better. Like Allen, she had gotten used to spending part of the afternoons dancing and jumping, going from a point to another in towns as they gathered money for the travels and now she had nothing to do, even when people at times brought objects she had never seen in her life (which called her curiosity) and Johnny, seeing this, would then explain what they were for, though she understood almost nothing when he used more technological terms she had never heard before.

He tried to control himself, but she had noticed him backing away a little if she were to lean in his direction, just as she sometimes caught the hints of fear in his eyes when he thought no one was looking.

It didn't help that they knew the Noah Clan should be close.

At times, Raz tried to concentrate, to see if she was able to feel for their presence around, taking in Wisely's words, but she found herself unable to sense anything different. There were occasions when something stirred in her blood, as a wild call coming from her soul, a long and nostalgic thing filling her with unknown longing, but whatever it was, it didn't work to indicate an exact localization or even to confirm if there was really someone around. Seeing her bothered once and convincing her to tell what was wrong, Samuel had then suggested that the reason, maybe, was that she hadn't met another Noah personally since she had awakened, not really. The meeting with Tyki Mikk barely counted, she had been still too weak and worried to realize if she felt something that she could later use as a basis to be sure if there were other Noahs nearby or not.

They weren't even sure of how this worked for them, for starters.

Raz had accepted the reasoning for lack of a better one, not that it meant she felt better. Turning her head, she watched Timcampy and Johnny's golem perched above the board, like two birds, the golden tail of Tim waving a little when she looked at him. Despite the four of them acting as normally as possible, she knew Allen was as nervous as she was. It was the sensation of facing a weapon or meeting an enemy and being frozen, expecting an attack, only the wait lasted hours.

"If there is no possible repair," Johnny commented as he inspected a machine of sorts. "I'll ask if we can keep it." None of them replied, but he carried on all the same. "It will be useful if there is a piece we can use!"

Allen didn't fully understand why Johnny would want that, but he had nothing to say anyway. Johnny, during the dinner when they had met, had explained how neither he nor Kanda intended to take Allen back at all, but his decision in following them in their travels wasn't something Allen deemed sensate. Even when he and Raz had told what Wisely had communicated, Johnny had paled and looked about to be sick… Only to swallow and insist this to be another reason for him to not leave Allen and that even if they tried to escape, he would just follow them.

Lauren had commented there would be no need for this, due to the electrified shackles, patting Allen's back and suggesting he accepted the fact Johnny had come to stay, unaware that it had just made the man all the more cheerful.

He hadn't heard her whispering to Allen that, at the slightest signal of trouble, he was to send Timcampy to them, no mattering if he and Raz could deal with Johnny and Kanda alone and also for him to be on his watch, should it seem that they were going to try contacting the Order.

"Just say something already…" The samurai in question groaned to Allen, who lifted his shackled arm with such a harsh expression his features could be stone hidden under the flesh. Kanda groaned with a muttering that sounded quite like "Idiot Moyashi", which got Allen telling him to say whatever he had to say instead of grumbling.

"This was your idea, for starters." Allen said between teeth, referring to the shackles. "Why would you put that on me in the first place?" The dark-haired man didn't seem at all impressed or bothered. His only reaction regarding the shackles had been annoyance before what he considered an inconvenience.

"How was I supposed to know it was one more of those ridiculous inventions?" The samurai retorted with a scowl. "And if you weren't trying to escape all the damn time, I wouldn't have to resort to this, Moyashi."

"It was in the bag of someone from the Science Department, which alone makes it suspicious enough! No offense" He added to Johnny just a second before going back to the discussion. "But nooo, Bakanda always acts first and thinks later, congratulations!"

"That's rich coming from you…"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, do you wish me to use simpler terms that your mind has the capacity to process?"

Raz and Johnny limited themselves to watch as both went on, the girl reminded of when Allen played cards… That dark aura was back and it seemed to be clashing with that of the samurai. She was almost sure there was a shape forming behind Kanda, similar to a demon.

"Is it always like this with them?" She asked aside to Johnny, having seen Allen upset or annoyed, but never like that.

"You haven't seen anything yet." He whispered back, trying to hold back an involuntary shiver when the Noah leaned to his direction, hoping she wouldn't notice. He kept trying to stop, to remind himself that she had been with Allen all this time and meant no harm… Yet, at times, he still expected something bad to happen, as if she was a living bad omen, something that would turn around and twist their bodies at any time.

After years hearing about the Millennium Earl and, when the Clan appeared, of their actions in battle and being there during two attacks, he couldn't find a way to deal with his own fear. Even if she hadn't done anything yet and was usually polite, there was something about her that just made his insides coil.

Allen and Kanda remained engaged in their discussion and Johnny knew better than to interfere in those moments. However, there was something strangely pleasant in seeing Allen and Kanda in a discussion, as it had been so frequent back in the Order, aware that even with the growls, threats, and offenses, this was normal for those two. And it brought a curious kind of relief that sent away part of the weight in his veins. Despite all that had happened, some things remained the same… Even if nothing would ever be back to just how it was before, that vision allowed him to believe that something new and good could survive all that war. It wasn't impossible.

It couldn't be.

"Excuse me," A fat man with a white mustache approached. "Do you do home services?"

At once Johnny opened a professional smile and stood up, calling for Allen who remained quiet as he stood up. Raz hesitated for a moment before deciding to follow too and Johnny wasn't sure if this was because she was used to being with Allen, if due to her distrust of him or if she just didn't want to stay with Kanda.

All those options seemed likely.

Once alone, Kanda sighed and lifted a sleeve… While the man had been talking to Johnny about the machine, he had felt a hot needle piercing a point of his arm sending shards to every cell, but hadn't said anything to anyone there.

From the black cross that now marked his arm since the Innocence's evolution, veins stood against the skin as if wanting to tear it open and Kanda almost could see them pulsating. Even now, something in his blood seemed to agitate in a way that he had never felt before… The sensation was curious, coming from inside him and yet, strangely distant. It didn't hurt, but it bothered him.

"Is it the preliminary state of becoming a Fallen One?" He wondered, watching as the veins of his arm near the mark became more noticeable, the cross looking more like a wound. His blood pulsated with the strength of a living being caged in his body. Kanda covered his arm, not wanting to look at that anymore.

But why nothing of the sort had happened to anyone of that group? None of them had become a Fallen One and Johnny had commented that he recalled, a little bit, about how some of them had been considered dead for more than, what, seven years ago?

This didn't make any sense.

Kanda glanced coldly at Timcampy upon seeing he was still on the board, the "face" turned to him. As much as the golem had been at the Moyashi's side for so long, Kanda somehow didn't trust the creature… He had never cared for it before but now, he noticed more how different it was from the golems from the Order, which were basically machines… And the fact the Fourteenth had been its master…

"This is quite a beautiful clock," A soft voice commented ahead, cutting his thoughts. "How much is it?"

"Sorry, nothing here is for sale, just repairs." Kanda said quickly. It wouldn't help, with all that was happening, if some imbecile tried to steal things just because Kanda was alone.

Timcampy's tail stopped moving.

"What a pity…" The man commented, his eyes lifting behind the glasses that almost reflected the sun. The hem of his long coat reached the floor.

Timcampy stood still. Kanda noticed and suddenly, he knew there was something wrong… It could be an impression, but suddenly the man's skin had seemed to shiver as if it had worms underneath…

Or feathers.

"Really a pity…"

XxX

Of all works she had done, Alison didn't mind being store clerk, helping around as she could. It was easy for her, relatively tranquil and in cities like this, people often accepted an extra help, even if for just a couple of weeks, especially in tourist seasons.

There were times they needed to leave town when they realized there wouldn't be a job to find (and no news of deaths that could indicate akumas) and if short on money, they went on foot. However, after the years growing used to this sort of living, perhaps some of them had developed a sort of cunning that helped along and when they didn't find an actual job, sometimes they searched for people who needed help with home chores such as cleaning.

The store she was currently working in was a mix of local trinkets that one bought on trips and a candy store. For what the owner told her, she had joined her business with a neighbor a long time ago and that was how the store had become like this. It was nice to work here, too, with a bright room that had a sweet smell and a large window that invited sunlight.

"There you go, dear." She said with the mechanic smile of who is used to deal with customers all day and leaned to give the little boy the miniature ship, a colorful toy full of details. The father messed his son's hair as he received the exchange and wished her a nice day.

Once they were out, Alison took her seat once more, her bow resting near her feet. The absence of arrows (and a long lie about how this was all she had left of her parents and couldn't bear to be parted from it) had convinced the owner to allow Alison to keep the object with her while working, as long as she kept it in the bag and away from customer's eyes.

Resting her arms in the balcony, her thoughts went to the two new men they had met three days ago. Alison didn't know much of them, she had used to stay more in the North American branch than the main Headquarters and also tended to stay away in missions…

Could they trust those two? The idea of Johnny Gil, someone who had no training in battle, leaving everything behind to help Allen usually would be enough to warrant her respect, but how could they be sure it wasn't a lie?

"You trust Allen. And Raz, no matter if she is a Noah or not." A voice whispered in her mind, a voice like Irene's. Well, it was different. They had spent weeks with them and even if Raz had confessed her true nature recently, it was like Samuel had said: She would have hurt them already if that was in her plans.

"So, give them some time too." That part of her mind insisted.

And all that story of "Heart", too, that Allen had told them when they met. She had never ever heard of such thing back in the Order… During the time Allen and Raz had traveled to Liverpool, they had talked about this among themselves and Alison had said so to Samuel, who had held a laugh deep in his throat like a panther's laughter and Elana had given her a sarcastic expression that wasn't usual for her.

"Sure, Ali, because the Central," The word was spit, every letter filled by scorn. You wouldn't hear Elana speaking like this often. "Always tells everything to everyone."

Thinking about the idea of a Heart made her remember Yeegar as well. Even after so long, to learn that he was dead filled her with mourning, especially due to how he had been found and how his body had given in, too weak to keep itself alive, no longer having any sanity left.

Alison had never forgotten his last words to her. With a sigh, she ran her hand through her gray hair and placed her braid over one of her shoulders, playing with it as she thought.

None of them knew a thing about this Heart. Well, Samuel mentioned he might have had overheard something alike whispered by some of the "big bosses" per say, but hadn't caught the context and by the way they had spoken, he had assumed it was just the name of some Innocence and nothing of that importance.

"There is more to this, any dumbass can see."

"And hello Irony, thou art a heartless bitch." Lauren had said when they discussed the subject in the room they shared, which Alison had no problems agreeing with. They had spent years trying to never come in contact with the Order again, letting they believe they were dead and now here they were, as if being pulled to Order's matters again.

Damn it.

Well, for now, there wasn't much to do besides moving on.

"Why haven't you become Fallen Ones?" That Kanda guy had asked. She recalled the sparkle in Lauren's eyes and knew why. The girl, during a time, had investigated the Order by herself before leaving and had found papers regarding the experiments they did, trying to force the synchronization and later, had talked to Hevlaska and demanded the truth.

"Sincerity. Pff" The woman thought, faces of the past again coming to her mind as an old poison was renewed, a snake that could sleep, but never be killed. "I wonder how many from the Central know the meaning of the word."

XxX

Johnny studied the copy machine with interest, the white body opened to reveal its insides made of gears and tapes.

"It would be nice if there was a piece or two that we could use… But it's nothing, it will take just some minutes here." He told Allen and Raz, who was currently looking at the mechanisms inside, head tilted. Across her, Johnny might not notice any emotion except what her stance revealed but a smile came to Allen… In times like this, he could feel an almost childlike curiosity from Raz, like the first days they had spent together. He honestly hoped she wouldn't ever lose that particular quality… It was, if he said so, quite adorable.

"Why would you want that?" He didn't resist his own curiosity. Ever since they had opened this "business", Johnny always asked the costumers to keep whatever that was broken if there was no way of fixing it. His justification was that they could use the pieces, but Allen had no idea what for.

"Oh, well…" The other started, not looking away from his work. "I thought I could try making more golems. I don't know if I can, but I can improvise! It will be quite useful to keep in contact, don't you think?"

Seeing his smile, Allan couldn't help feeling something light coming from inside. Johnny had been with them for, what, four days now, but he seemed to have liked Samuel, Alison and the others. Now, he acted as if he was completely entering the "mood" of belonging to a runaway group.

He had no way of knowing that it wasn't just that. To Johnny, learning that Allen had been with Raz ever since leaving and that he had met the Exiled a little after had filled him with happiness.

"That's good, isn't it, Allen? You weren't alone after all, you weren't!"

Allen decided to remain quiet, unsure of himself. That Johnny was so determined to stay at his side… Even after being directly hurt by Neah… It made him think about the nights he had caught himself thinking about the Order, in the mornings of the first days when he, sleepy, had almost believed (or hoped) that it had all been a nightmare, just for reality to rub itself in is flesh.

And by what he had told… Lenalee, Miranda, Krory, Komui, Reever… They still believed in him, still saw him as "Allen"… At the same time, this gave him relief, it also renewed how he missed them.

Fire invaded his nerves.

The flesh in his arm heated up and seemed to melt, creating white feathers.

This time, the sensation was unlike anything he had felt before… No, wrong, he knew it but it had been months ago…

It was the sensation he had had back that night in the Order.

Apocryphos.

XxX

"Allen is really a good boy." He commented as his essence ran through the Exorcist's mind. "He didn't say a thing about me…" His mouth opened in the shape of a smile. "Such a good boy."

He released the Exorcist, who fell in the ground, body too weak after his essence had examined it. He had a curious mind, that one, quite curious… And that hidden devotion, he felt it as veins of blood and emotions pulsating each with a melody of its own, together with the orchestra of the heartbeat and the workings of the other organs. Beautiful. Not as much as Allen's, but also with a value of its own.

A devotion of another life, strong enough to carry on to this one.

The creature hiding under the human skin turned to the golden golem, despise irradiating from its flesh and threatening to tear the disguise apart, but it kept the control.

He wasn't a merciless being, after all, and as hateful as that decrepit thing was, it should have been a support to Allen in those long months.

Poor, poor Allen… If he had comprehended things in their first meeting, he wouldn't have had to go through those lonely months. It wouldn't have been painful and he would have been gentle with the boy.

However… It was curious. He had focused his search in Kanda's mind for information regarding Allen and rejected other data, but now he felt as if the boy hadn't been as alone as he thought… As if there was something more. Well, no matter. Allen was too close for him to care for details that he could find out later.

Allen was all that mattered, second only to the Heart.

To know that Howard Link was alive, now that was interesting.

"Ah, ah" He warned upon seeing the golem's wings starting to move. A human wouldn't have realized this. "If you fly, I'll keep this compatible as a hostage."

The golem hesitated.

The face, that was human and at the same time not, opened in a smile, lips showing white teeth, skin sliding over the muscles and only the eyes were real.

"Sooner or later, I'll absorb Allen." Just the idea sent shivers in his body and filled it with waves of triumph and delight. It was the best way to keep the boy safe and he hoped Allen would understand the honor and accept the ritual with the dignity of a true Exorcist. It would be beautiful. "He is such a gentle person, he wouldn't ever leave a friend behind."

His face still smiled, a wound in the flesh that bled the pus of the cold despise he felt for that golden ball. Cross Marian had made it in such a way that it could regenerate by itself… But he knew the weakness of this kind of alchemy and construction, and he couldn't afford to miss the chance of getting rid of that disgusting parasite.

"If you stay here, I won't lay a finger on Allen today."

The movement of the wings ceased.

XxX

They ran across the streets, Allen's left arm involved in white flames. Unlike before, when Raz had gouged them out, they didn't hurt and weren't Apocryphos' feathers but his own Innocence, reacting to the creature's presence.

He ran and ran, barely feeling his legs and just seeing faceless figures, his mind fixated on the false face and what it hid underneath.

"Where, where?" It was the only word in his mind, not knowing if he was searching Apocryphos to fight it for what he had done or to know what direction to run away from it. Not once questioning, Raz kept running at his side, guessing what was going on.

"Raz, go back, stay with Johnny!"

"You must be crazy!" The girl hissed back, almost indignant. When Allen would understand he hadn't to do this alone, she had no idea.

"You…" He started but she interrupted.

"He is Innocence, you said so yourself. How will you face him, if you can't fight with Crown Clown?" Not that she would be much more useful and she knew it. She wasn't as weak as before, but in comparison to the other Noahs, Raz doubted she could pose an actual threat, especially against that white nightmare Allen had described.

"TIM!" Allen called, seeing there was no point in discussing with her. "Show us the direction to…"

There was no golden gleam in the sky, no wings, or the wave of a tail…

They stopped in a narrow street suddenly, eyes searching the sky and finding only the blue and clouds passing lazily by. No sign of Timcampy…

"But where…"

"Tim…" Allen whispered, the uncertainty taking him over. Timcampy… He was always nearby, always. He only completely left him when Allen told him to and even then, hesitantly and depending on the situation. That night in China when Allen had told him to take Suman's Innocence away had been an example.

But… But then where he was?

A rustle of clothes following movement called their attention. It didn't come from the fabric left to dry on the lines between buildings, kept high so no one in the street could steal them…

It had come from behind them…

"Fourteenth…" A known voice called in a soft whisper. "Raziah…"

Allen turned, his heartbeat stopping for a moment as he wished, with all his strength, that he was wrong. That it wasn't him, let it be his imagination…

Raz felt her blood ceasing in her veins, becoming ice.

At the end of the street, blocking their way, there was the yellow coat Allen knew well… A black top hat adorned by a colorful strap and a huge button in the shape of a smiling face.

The Millennium Earl.

Ana: I don't feel good with posting such a short chapter after I was away for so long, but... There you have it. Think it took me more to write than for you to read...

Allen: And ending with cliffhanger. Do you hate your readers?

Ana: What if I promised to update faster if I get more reviews?

Allen: Now you're blackmailing them and people hate it.

Ana: Well, what do you want me to say? I'm a poor girl struggling with college! Hate the college not me!

Kanda: No, I'd rather keep hating you.

Ana: And I thought Apocreep was a bastard.

Kanda: What was that, mangy wolf?

Ana: Nothing, nothing...

ZooFan: It took a time and it isn't the longest chapter, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway n.n

jy24: Hi there! Yeah, things are starting to heat up again, finally! Neah was quite shocked to see Raz here with Allen.

Neah (possessing Allen): And with reason! This was what I least expected to happen!

Ana: How many times do I have to say? STOP DOING THAT!

Neah: Don't even! I finally appeared on this fic, so I have a right to comment here too! I was shocked to see her with Allen... And yes, while I can understand that she lost her memories, I also know there are things she would have been glad to forget back then...

Ana: Things that she will probably remember. Oh, well.

Allen (struggling for control): Just don't tell me he will try killing everyone in their sleep, I wouldn't put this past him! And he did try to murder everyone in the Noah Clan, so I don't think he has a soft spot for Raz! I would sooner believe that Bakanda can have a soft spot for anyone rather than this guy!

Ana: A reviewer did say something about shipping Kanda with Raz...

Neah: I may have tried to kill them, but do you truly believe I would sink this low?

Allen: Have you given anyone here reason to think otherwise?

Alison: You know... Watching this whole "possession" deal can either be a headache or funny as hell.

Ana: Yeah, like the "All of Me" movie. Next chapter we finally see a meeting of the Earl and Raz, though it won't have as much talk, since he isn't quite himself now. See you next chapter!