"When Eir was traveling with us, at one point she mentioned that the reason she started traveling was because of her friend, Kaine, that was no longer around." Cal began, "Eventually, she mentioned that Kaine was a Dyad, but we were never sure what she meant by it. Going by the definition of the word alone, I figured Kaine must have had a twin. But now I know that was wrong. The two of you...you're just like Kaine and Meru."
"The name of Kaine's partner was Meru?"
Cal nodded. "I take it you didn't know?"
Rey shook her head. "No, Eir was never able to get a name."
"I can understand that." Cal said with a thoughtful look. "I didn't even know pain like that was possible."
"...It is." Ben said, his mind flashing back to the time when he had found Rey lifelessly laying on the ground at Exegol. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, shoving the memory back down. "What else can you tell us? How did they get separated?" He asked, changing the subject before the other two could ask what he meant.
"They were explorers," Cal said, gripping onto Merrin's hand for support, "their favorite places were abandoned, and it was there that it happened. They frequently split up in these places, since they could just communicate with their minds."
"I can see that, it's like you are never truly apart that way." Rey said.
"Which is good but...I think that's what led to their downfall." Cal glanced down at the still open book, staring at the photo of Kaine and Meru as Merrin tightened her hold on his hand. "Objectively, it looked like they got too complacent, they stopped making progress since they were comfortable with where they were. Because of that, they weren't ready for if something were to actually happen."
"...And?" Ben prompted, wrapping his own fingers around Rey's, dread settling inside as his stomach began to twist itself into knots.
Cal closed his eyes, grimacing. "They were in different areas as usual, and Meru had just passed an interesting object along for Kaine to look at, when abruptly she could tell that Meru was in pain. Meru managed to convince Kaine that it was nothing, and convince her that they would meet back at the ship." Cal opened his eyes again, staring at the photo once more. "I'm...I'm pretty sure that somehow Meru must have set off a trap, as while Kaine was making her exit the whole place started to collapse. Meru convinced her to keep going though; but as Kaine made it out the whole structure fell apart behind her."
"That's when she went to Ekair?" Ben asked.
"Almost. At first, she tried to dig Meru out using the force, but it proved to be too much; she wasn't thinking clearly enough. I'm sure she was in denial at first of what happened, as she decided to go get help elsewhere. She kept glancing at a torn ribbon that was tried to her wrist, instead of focusing on how she was flying. She started crying at one point, and ended up crashing on Ekair."
"She never left after that, did she?"
Cal nodded. "Eir was the one to find her and after that I think is when Kaine fully realized what happened. She didn't have the strength to do anything else after that."
"Thank you for telling us." Rey stood up abruptly, giving Cal and Merrin a nod before exiting the ship, and making her way back to the Falcon.
"We really do appreciate you telling us." Ben said, standing up so that he could follow after Rey. She was doing it again; closing off that part of her that knew something was wrong because it hurt too much to think about. Ben couldn't really blame her; after hearing what happened to Meru, he was having a hard time trying to keep the image of Rey's lifeless face from surfacing in his mind.
"Is she going to be alright?" Merrin asked before Ben could leave.
"Not at first but...she will be. We both will." Ben said, looking back at the other two.
"I'm glad that you have each other. It was bad enough just watching; I can only image what it must be like for the pair of you. I'm also glad that you made it out the other side just fine." Cal said.
"What are you talking about?" Ben asked, raising an eyebrow.
"It wasn't that hard to put together who the two of you are. Rey is was a prominent figure for the resistance, and what you said earlier about 'a ship you were never able to catch' is something only someone from the First Order would say. That, and we managed to get a brief glimpse of your face that year after you became the Supreme Leader when we were gathering intel."
"...And what do you intend to do with the information?" Ben asked, subtly moving into the defensive.
"Nothing." Cal said, shaking his head and putting his hands up. "Like I said, I'm glad you made it out. I knew someone who was with the empire that didn't get the same chance. If the two of you are planning on being incognito, I would just take it as a warning to be more careful. Not everyone knows it, but the Millennium Falcon is still up there when it comes to recognizable ships."
"Right, thanks. We'll be sure to keep that in mind." Ben said, starting to make his way out once more.
"Before you leave," Cal said, reaching over and scribbling something on scratch piece of paper, "this is our frequency. If you need anything, you can always contact us."
"We will." Ben said, taking the slip from Cal. The more allies the better, he figured.
/
When Ben entered the falcon after saying goodbye to Cal and Merrin, he found Rey standing by the table, back to him and gripping her arms tightly.
"Rey," he said, sliding his arms around her waist from behind and pulling her close, "you need to say it. It's just going to keep tearing you up inside."
Rey didn't answer at first, instead turning around in his hold, burying her face into his chest while her hands tightly gripped his shirt. "…She didn't even try." She said, after a moment, and he could feel her shoulders shaking, the deep-rooted sadness that she had been denying since hearing Kaine's full story finally beginning to seep into her. "There must have been a way to save Meru and yet Kaine didn't do anything."
She sniffed, causing him to hold her that much tighter. Ben listened carefully as Rey ranted, letting the thinly veiled pain of being abandoned, of not being worth it to go back for pass between them.
"There was no war, they weren't on opposite sides," she continued, voice uneven, "Kaine had every opportunity to save Meru and she didn't. What's the point in sharing a life force if you aren't going to even save the one person that matters most?" She sniffed again, and his sleeve was slowly becoming wet from her tears, "She didn't even try Ben. She just gave up and didn't even try and think of the possibility. What if Meru was just stuck in the in-between, and all Kaine had to do was find her? I would have torn apart the galaxy to find a way to bring you back to me."
"I know." He said softly, pulling her even closer. "But not everyone can be as strong as you. I'm certainly not."
Rey paused, realization striking her. She had been so caught up in the idea of almost losing him that she had never stopped to think about the very real fact that he actually had lost her. To her it was as if she had merely passed out only to wake up in his arms, yet she knew in her core that she had died on Exegol; if it weren't for Ben she wouldn't still be around today. She had died and Ben would have felt exactly what Kaine went through.
How had she never thought of this before? Now that she was paying attention, she knew it was there; he was just as afraid of losing her as she was him, if not more so. She had a case of almosts, but Ben -
How could I have been so selfish?
She looked up at him, her stomach twisting itself into knots. "Ben I -"
"It's alright, Rey." He cut her off gently, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. It wasn't something he liked to talk about; he could barely even think about it at best. "Just know that I can see where Kaine was coming from."
"But you actually saved me. Kaine didn't do anything."
"I also had your body. If I hadn't been able to bring you back, I don't know what I would have done. Everything would have been meaningless without you." If it hadn't worked, he could imagine two things happening: either he would have completely given up and let the resistance find and try him, or he would have fallen deeper into being Kylo Ren, more committed to destroying the universe then before. Probably a combination of both, if he were being completely honest.
Rey sniffed, her fingers tightening on his shirt as a way to confirm that they were both still there, together. When she spoke her voice was barely above a whisper, "Cal said they got too complacent, didn't he? Are we…?"
...Are we headed down the same path?
Ben couldn't deny that Rey had a point. When they had been apart, what they could do through their bond was always growing, changing. They had reached the point that Eir had mentioned, of using only their minds to communicate, but ever since then, they hadn't done anything else; hadn't even tried, for that matter.
"You said before that Kaine left behind what she knew so that anyone else who came after would be prepared. I think we should take it as a warning not to fall into the same trap they did." It was easy where they were, the most comfortable either of them had ever been; but it had been proven a dangerous way to leave things.
"You have something in mind already, don't you?"
He nodded. "We know we can pass objects between us, but what if we could do the same with each other?"
"That's brilliant, Ben!" She smiled, relief flooding her as they finally had a way to move forward. "I think we might have almost done it once before, back on Ahch-To. Right before we were interrupted, it really did feel like you were there with me."
"Luke always did have the worst timing." Ben sighed, briefly entertaining the thought of what might have happened if the old man had showed up just a few minutes later. "If we can replicate that, then we'll be one step closer to our goal."
Rey nodded. "We should start right now."
"As much as I love the enthusiasm, I think it should wait until you're feeling more stable." He said, brushing away a few stray tears with his thumbs that remained on her cheeks.
"Don't act like you aren't just as upset as I am." She said, looking at him with that same soul piercing stare that he had grown so much to love. "What would you suggest we do instead?" She added, a grin forming on her lips.
"I have a few ideas." He leaned down, capturing her lips in his.
You're full of good ideas today
She smiled against him, leaning up on her toes so that she could push further into him, her hands gripping his shirt to pull him closer.
I had a feeling you'd like it
Ever since hearing the truth of Kaine's story, a longing had crept up between them; the need to reaffirm that they were still together, beyond what the visual means could provide them. Their souls craved the comfort of knowing they were one, and this was the most satisfying way they knew how.