Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray Man in any way, all credit goes to Katsura Hoshino.
Summary: Forced to leave the Order, Allen comes across a secret hidden in the depths of the Ark. Now, hunted by the Noah Clan and considered an enemy by the place he once called home, he has to search for the truth... The truth about Mana, Neah and himself. Where he came from and who he really is. Uncovering a web of illusions and doubts, Allen still moves forward as he promised to do... But what do you do in a war, when you feel like you don't belong to any side?
"Do you think if you caught Buffalo Bill yourself and if you made Catherine all right, you could make the lambs stop screaming, do you think they'd be alright too and you wouldn't wake up again in the dark and hear the lambs screaming?" – Thomas Harris, "The Silence of the Lambs"
Act Twenty-Six – Blood on Flowers
Darkness.
It didn't matter where she tried to turn to, it was all that there was to be found.
Yet, she tried. Surely the darkness couldn't last forever, it couldn't stand itself forever without some foreign element as a support ou counterbalance. Even fire can't survive by itself alone.
"Mana Walker… Mana and Neah D. Campbell… The white piano… The ark."
Thoughts could take a long time to come into form, concepts to connect with words and sometimes, after being born, the letters had no more meaning than the sound of the rain…
And even that was hard to recall, to name, to know…
The mind still worked, but always held by darkness…
Darkness… Night…
No, wrong. This was not the soft darkness of the night or simply the absence of light in a room… What surrounded her was the distilled essence of another type of darkness, piercing her being and filling her up, until there was nothing else in her body, whether it was organs or blood.
Darkness devoured the sound…
It pierced the eyes…
Touch was torn apart…
It stole any taste or remembrance of flavors…
It filled and emptied.
Slow and silent, it filled and emptied her.
Quite different from the darkness she invoked and reigned over, but at the same time, there was a similarity, a sensation with barely any room to be born in that womb of silence.
She was alone.
Alone.
"The white piano… The Ark… The Noah Clan." A part of her mind (or whatever that still could work as such) held on to this mantra. She might have tried to say it or not, it made no difference. The darkness around remained indifferent.
Insignificant. Terms with no meaning.
Nothing.
"Oh… So that's it."
Yes. She could understand now, in the instinctive level a baby knows the difference between hunger and thirst. This was why she was the Noah of Loneliness. Because this was what this particular sort of darkness did: It entered the body, broke the soul and erased the senses. Until there was nothing left.
Just your mind. Just you.
Alone.
Forever separated from the world. The word forever separated from you.
She knew this well.
She knew loneliness.
There were no sounds, there were no smells, there was no sensation whatsoever…
Darkness was loneliness.
Loneliness was darkness.
And it was there that she was.
With her mind emptying itself at each moment, she fought to keep a thought for company, still trying to invoke something that could cause a reaction, be in her or in her surroundings.
Or were both the same?
The white piano.
The golden eye behind a mask, tears falling…
The Noah Clan…
In the depths of all this, the girl felt something. Something that bit and torn her apart slowly. And she accepted those fangs in her being, allowed them to reach a deep spot in her flesh, hidden even to herself until something was touching it, feeling the flow of blood being messed up in her interior when veins were ripped apart.
At least it broke a little the non-feeling of until now.
And then, in the darkness where one couldn't nor live nor die, a drop of light came into being.
It appeared shyly and blinked a little, afraid of being there. Small and weak, but it should shine as much as the first star that was born in the sky.
She couldn't move, but tried to approach it all the same.
A drop of light.
A small white star…
White, so white…
A shape…
Something small and delicate…
White.
It was a flower, of the purest white…
"Like the fallen snow, don't you think?" The man sitting across her asked while her gray fingers reached out and touched the closed petals, so lightly that it's as if she is examining the contact rather than the plant. "It's said that snowdrops are the first to bloom after winter." He continued, his voice so soft that it could come from a dream. The man at her right nodded and her expression was enough confirmation. Though it was not the first time they saw those flowers, it was the first time they tried to plant them in the garden. The man at her right ran his hand through his dark hair, placing some strands back, holding a pen in his free hand. The paper sheet lying in front of him on the table was scarred by musical notes and some quickly-scribbled words.
"They are beautiful…"
"What do you think? They will take root?" The man across her asked. Mana. Mana asked. The doubt that revealed itself in his voice did nothing to diminish its soft quality. She gave a little shrug in response, indicating she didn't know. She thought they might. Ignorant about gardening matters she was, but looking around, at the variety of flowers and plants, it was easy to believe the flowers would thrive here.
"I don't see why they wouldn't." The other man commented, twirling a pen between his long fingers. Neah. Mana's brother. "Where did Raenya get those, again?"
"She found some in a field in Ireland. She thought they would make a nice addition." Mana's dark eyes had the look that meant his mind was far from here. He could be beyond the stars or looking deep into himself. Neah looked at him and raised his brow, saying nothing. "It seems it will be destroyed, though. Some lord wants to build a new house there…"
His body was turned sideways and his head leaned on his palm. The long hair was tied in a low ponytail, strands falling over his shoulders and the moonlight danced in his eyes as he looked at the plants around for a moment before back at them. His long finger touched one of the flowers again.
"Taken from their place of origin, they survive in a completely different soil…" Neah whispered, lost in thought. His features were soft, his smile almost identical to his brother's. "It's interesting, when you stop to think about it." He shrugged, sighing, before scribbling something in the paper. Perhaps an idea for another song. "I'll just say this, if there is a lord wanting to destroy a field of flowers to make a house when he probably already has two, then he is an idiot." It was pretty obvious that, if it was Neah, he would rather make a house while keeping said field.
Mana, however, had a slight frown of contemplation.
"Ireland…" He said slowly, then raising his eyes to them. "Do you think it will come a day when we will think we have seen everything the world has to offer?"
Both, she and Neah knew this wasn't just about the flowers or how easy it was for them to travel anywhere they wanted. They had a fairly good idea of where this would lead and accepted the path to a topic that was as known and comfortable as talking about their favorite books. Neah laughed to his brother in a friendly way, a spark in his eyes that made him look mischievous.
"Such a curious question, wouldn't you say so, brother mine? Do you mean it literally or in a more philosophical way?" He started to turn the pen faster, looking from Mana to Raziah and, despite the playfulness, there was a hint of contemplation in his manners that was too similar to Mana's.
"You mean in the 'you can't step in the same river twice' saying?"
"Not really… More like in how many things once liked or considered fun can taste of displeasure later in life..." Neah carried on. "A certain disappointment when you remember all the effort to achieve it and the feeling of doing so, now lost…"
He leaned forwards, looking from one to another with half-closed eyes, elbows on the table, fingers intertwined before his mouth as he spoke in a (clearly) deliberately soft tone that could be taken as teasing.
"And all is reduced to ashes in your mouth, values becoming empty. Isn't it frustrating when it happens? What else will end in the same way, unable to resist the test of time?" Despite the gleam in his eye and his way of saying this, almost poetically dramatic, Raziah and Mana still exchanged looks, very aware of what Neah truly meant. It wasn't in the way of a toy or a necklace still kept due to the sentimental value that connects it to a special moment of the past or nostalgia despite being useless in the present. It was the exact opposite.
And it was also not about toys or necklaces, either.
There were reasons why they sometimes wondered about this particular question.
There were reasons why they thought about traveling. About seeing the world.
"However… I must say I…" He paused as if meaning to add a dramatic effect. "Very much doubt it." He finished with a chuckle, then relaxing in the chair and smiling once more as if all his words of now had been just for fun, having no deeper meaning whatsoever. He winked, waving his hand in the air. "Even if it comes the day when we will be foolish enough to have a thought like that. And thank goodness, otherwise, the world would be far too dull. Predictable. Booo-ring."
The idea of this sort of tediousness was clearly unpleasant to him, but it was hard to determine if the cause was disappointment that something/someone could reach this point or the death of mystery and value he had mentioned. And by the shine in his brother's eyes, the way they exchanged looks, it was an emotion shared.
They were twins and those moments of silent communication almost made the air crack.
"May we never think like this, then." Mana replied with simplicity and a smile, with a gesture of his hand. While Neah's had more excitement, of someone with more energy than what the body could contain, Mana's was softer, of one who had seen the birth of stars.
"If that ever happens, I think you'd shoot yourself, Neah.." She said almost to herself, only for Neah to raise his hand as if toasting to her words while giving her a look that plainly said 'as if you both wouldn't'. She didn't deny it.
Mana crossed his hands behind his head. Despite not being identical twins, some gestures and mannerisms made up for it, so identical they were to both of them.
"Well, even the stars can be different if you're in the mountain or in the forest. How will you know the ocean, if you never follow the river to see where it goes? Why close your eyes if you can open them?"
Neah didn't even blink to this, rather nodding in a solemn way. Not dramatic, but one could see it had a light joking nature to it, just like when he had been teasing them. Raziah held a chuckle. Moments like those were common, mainly when the two were working on a new composition.
"Oh, my. You definitely have a romantic soul, dear brother of mine!"
The deadpan stare Mana gave him stated without words that Neah had no morals to make such a comment, especially after the questions he had made just now. Neah, in his turn, raised his hands in a signal of surrender as the three chuckled, unable to contain it.
Then Mana turned to her, obviously wanting her opinion. Raziah sustained his gaze and leaned her chin in the back of her hand, in a way that could be thoughtful or indicating the subject had become wearing. Mana leaned forwards in silent incentive, as Neah also watched her with raised eyebrows. None of them would believe the second option, no more than she did when they pretended something of this sort.
"Perhaps this is what helps things to be important. This risk. And those that resist the "test of time" are the ones that matter the most…" She commented in reply to Neah's words as her eyes wandered around the silent garden, the moonlight hiding between the flowers and playing with their colors. Oh, how this subject had insinuated itself in their conversations as of late, sometimes as plain as day, sometimes disguised in small jokes or playful over-sentimentalism. "See us. We talk of exploring, but I don't believe you mean just the world in a simple way of going from one point to another."
Mana blinked and backed his head a little as he nodded and Neah chuckled to himself, hiding his face in one hand, as if not expecting such an answer even if they had talked about it before many times, dissecting the other possible answers and options to questions of such nature.
"Oh, now Raziah's showing a philosophical vein! Who would guess?"
She cast him a look almost of sarcasm, to which he still smiled without a care, winking. Then the girl indicated Mana with a gesture of his head.
"Well, Mana asked…"
The long-haired man smiled sheepishly with guilt.
"I just think about it. A lot… I wish we could do it, you know, just stand up and go wherever we wanted without having to worry about… About any of this." The light quality didn't leave his tone, but something else, which hadn't been heard this night, slithered in the last words. Realizing it, he tried to not dwell on the subject, just shrugging. "You know how it is…"
They did.
"Hey… We will." Raziah called to him gently, leaning forwards while Neah held his shoulder, squeezing it, his brother's expression reflecting on his own. "It's going to be alright. Someday, all of this will come to an end."
"Raziah is right. And then we will leave it all behind."
At this, Mana seemed to cheer up again.
"I imagine how it will be. We could just go and travel… I mean, catch a train and go forward!" He went on, his eyes shining as they searched the stars once more. Raziah tilted her head to the side. Neah also blinked at his brother's words. Mana's desire to travel was not a secret and neither of them quite disagreed with it, either.
"Why not use the Ark?" Both asked in unison.
"Oh, please. Have some imagination, the both of you! Arriving is good, of course, but the fun lies in the journey!" Mana lifted a finger, sounding like a teacher explaining details of an amusing subject. Raziah was pleased to see some cheerfulness returning to him and couldn't help but to smile. "The Ark is great when it comes to missions and when we can't afford to lose time, but we're talking of traveling just for traveling… And then, it would be boring. The fun would be lost, no excitement in arriving and…"
Neah and Raziah exchanged glances.
"Alright, alright, poet… We don't need a seminar here." Neah interrupted with a playful punch in his brother's shoulder to silence him. Mana faked a groan and a hurtful look.
"See how he treats me, Raziah?" He pouted.
She took an air of seriousness that was just as fake.
"Boys, play nice or no dessert"
Both immediately made exaggerated expressions of horror, followed by promises of good behavior that didn't last long as they couldn't stop themselves from laughing. Neah placed his arm on Mana's shoulder, shaking him gently.
"One day we'll do it. The three of us." He said with a glint in his eyes, before taking another look at the paper, covered by quick scrawls that had no immediate meaning to Raziah. Only Neah could decipher his own writing when he wrote quickly like that. His eyes went to the girl and back to his.
"After all, I, of course" He added slyly. "Would have to tag along. Otherwise, you two would probably get lost or worse, and then what would happen?"
Mana opened his mouth and Raziah merely looked at him.
"Neah, your trust in us runs so deep that it brings tears to my eyes."
"So you see what my brother truly thinks of us!" Mana whispered to her before straightening his ponytail over one of the shoulders, a waterfall of pure black, sighing. "I would like it, even if we had to go on foot."
The words made his brother look at him and backing his head a little, as if the shock had been physical and he waved his hand slowly in a sign of calming down.
"Woah, I think you're taking your dream somewhat a little too far, traveler!"
"I just said that, if it was up to me, it would be fun even if had to walk, that's all." It was hard to tell if he meant it in a figure of speech or literally.
"Have fun and don't forget to write, wanderer." Raziah replied, raising her hand with the elbow still in the table in a gesture of bored goodbye. Mana looked from one to another, crossing his arms.
"Didn't you both just say that we would go the three of us?"
"But not by foot, Walker!" It was Neah's reply almost as if speaking to a little child. It was too much for them and the sound of chuckles broke the air once more along with a sensation of gentle peace that accompanies moments with friends… That was one of the moments that stay crystallized when recalled, as if somewhere, that single occurrence remains eternal, with them still sitting there under the moonlight, laughing softly as they weaved plans for a future…
Neah laughed silently still, reading the paper once more and then shook his head to himself.
"Well… This here is not working." And crushed the sheet in his strong hands with a sigh. "The melody is good, but the lyrics…"
Mana turned to his brother.
"Perhaps we could…"
Something cut the air and Mana's words, attracting their attention. Somewhat far from the white table, following a path between the grass until a pale arch, where a man was standing.
"The Earl is calling."
"Dinner! Great!" Neah let the paper fall in his coat's pocket as Mana stood with a feline-like movement. It often struck others that he was able to perform any gesture, as simple as it was, with a dancer-like grace if he desired.
"And it took only this to make him forget the music, you saw it." He winked to Raziah as Neah held his head high with the noble air of who will not lower himself to dignify such comment with an answer.
The man who had called was strong-looking, brown hair falling over golden eyes and between the strands, black cross-shaped scars could be seen across his forehead. His arms were crossed over his chest as if contemplating a lost cause.
"You should pay attention to the time." There was here the same quality of a parent reminding the child of homework to be done and nothing was to be found in his eyes but care. "It's enough with Lustol, locked away as always."
"Have you tried knocking?" Mana suggested innocently enough, as the other Noah scoffed at the idea. "Or just going in there?"
"We're talking about Lustol. So no, thank you very much."
Raziah lifted her hand in a gesture that seemed to be both of asking for a time and parting before taking the right side of the hallway, which was enough to be understood that she would try and the brown-haired Noah said something out loud that had the quality of thanks.
Feet moving quickly, she had no need to pay attention while walking down a hallway, arch-like windows showing the gardens outside. She walked past doors, at times glancing at the eventual painting, vase or other decoration, taking a staircase to the second floor and another hallway, coming to a halt in front of a dark door.
Her knock was gentle. The whole Clan knew better than to bother the Noah of Lust, especially by barging in that particular room without knocking, no matter what the situation was.
Seconds of silence passed by.
"Come in."
The girl opened the door ajar and spied inside. The room boasted long tables here and there with jars and tools that, by the look of it, were designed to the mixture of substances and the measurement of diverse elements. The Noah of Lust was working at a table opposite to the door, his back to Raziah, who didn't need to come closer to know he was deeply concentrated in whatever he was doing.
After a moment, Raziah came in, gently closing the door and approaching the male Noah, saying nothing. Around her, some jars contained things of different forms and textures, all preserved safe from time's effects by the liquid they were immersed in. Many, by their looks, should have once belonged inside a living body.
On the left side, against the wall, there were two glass-door bookshelves, one filled with containers and tools, the other with books. She knew the small cupboards around, be under the tables or above them, also had either more books or ingredients and instruments, many unknown to humans.
Lustol made a sound to indicate he was listening.
"The Earl is calling. Dinner time." She said as she came closer, limiting herself to watch as the man counted some drops he was adding to a small pre-heated tube. Lustol didn't look at her, his golden eyes not blinking, the hair he kept in a ponytail to not get in the way a snake of black over his shoulder.
Raziah said nothing, aware that he had heard her well and was merely too concentrated to give an immediate reply. Besides, she had soon learned that if one just kept quiet, Lustol would be more likely to explain what he was doing than when questioned in excess… Interested as she might be, she rarely understood the nature of his experiments and his more scientific terms.
The substance in the tube started to bubble a little and what looked like tiny fragments of dust came into being and sunk, accumulating little by little at the end of the recipient. It should have some meaning of sorts as the man wrote something in a small book before closing the tube and placing it on a wooden holder with others, all having small labels.
"Evening, Nish." He greeted her, the thin face opening in a controlled smile that still had remains of his usual seriousness and Raziah replied with a nod. He hung his white coat and they left his lab together.
"Have the others been called already?" He asked in the usual firm tone as he closed the door, waiting for a second as if hesitating, then locking it with a small silver key in a chain that was placed around his neck.
"I think so." A quick look from him to the door. I was enough for Lustol to guess the question that had crossed her mind.
"It is going well." He told her, even if she didn't quite understand his experiments. "Some results present variations, based on different elements used to test the reactions, but it doesn't represent any complication. Were you in the gardens?" He asked with his deep voice that, had this been an intimate situation, would be taken easily as hypnotic. The girl nodded in response as they continued their way downstairs.
"With Mana and Neah."
Lustol nodded and commented something more about it and the results of chemical reactions like the one she had seen until they arrived in a large room with a long table at the center, covered by a white tablecloth and illuminated by silver candlesticks.
"Ah, Lustol! Raziah!" The man sitting at the table's head, his rightful place, greeted them cheerfully with a glint in his glasses that reflected the light and usually hid his golden eyes, just like his mask hid his face.
"My apologies for my lateness." Lustol bowed briefly, not in a display of submission, but merely of respect and in a manner of greeting. Raziah merely said "good evening". The gestures, as well as Lustol's apologies and his everlasting formality, were dismissed by a wave of the Earl's hand.
"Oh, nonsense, nonsense. We all just got here."
Both took their usual places, Lustol at the side of a woman whose white hair fell over her shoulders in waves imitating silver under the touch of the candlelights. She smiled at both of them.
Raziah sat between Mana and one of the empty chairs. Not everyone was present this night. The meal went on calmly with some conversation between them, going through different topics. It felt nice. It was nice. It was a meal shared with the family. In the end, as they stood up, the Earl called.
"Alyera, Raziah, a second if you please, dears?"
Raziah approached at once, along with the white-haired Noah, both curious to what their Patriarch wanted.
"I have a mission for you, girls." He smiled at them, picking a small paper from an inner pocket of his coat. "I know it is a last-minute thing, but I just received some quiiite interesting information." Alyera picked the paper offered, unfolding it. She and Raziah read the elegant writing of the Earl and understood at once.
"You know what to do." No change in the gentleness of his tone, yet a trait of coldness was noticeable. Neither of the girls was at all bothered by such, they knew it wasn't directed at any of them. "I would go deal with it myself, but I promised to visit Katerina."
Raziah nodded with a "hm-hum" of acceptance.
"You can leave it to us, Earl!" Alyera promised, her face opening in a bright smile. "Give Katerina a hug for us."
"Thank you, my dears. Come back as soon as you're done" He winked. "And have fun."
Both took their leave, saying goodbye to the patriarch and the others, not taking any of the three doors in the dining room, but rather to a clean wall where the air was suddenly ripped apart in a rectangle of light that took them to the white streets of the Ark.
"This is going to be great" Alyera was saying as she studied the paper she held. Raziah tilted her head to her. "But I still hope we'll be able to come back soon…"
"Going out with Lustol?"
Even with the gray skin, it was possible to notice an intense blush coming to Alyera's face as she confirmed it, though it wasn't a secret to anyone that she and Lustol were a couple. Still, the Noah of Judgment could get shy when the relationship was mentioned.
"You're lucky the twins are not here." They would probably have said something when Alyera and Raziah were leaving or even during dinner. Whatever comment they might have made, despite the teasing nature, would not have a malicious nature. It was their way of being affectionate, no different from small kittens provoking each other in a play fight, one might say.
"Oh, they wouldn't dare to say a thing…" The reply was laced with dangerous sweetness both in the tone and eyes, which were golden magma. "Let's just say that Lustol had… A little talk with them."
This caused chuckles in both of them. This meant that somehow Lustol had stopped them from escaping and probably suggested using their "help" to test some of his formulas, merely to "compare" results. And they were lucky that Alyera was still far from losing her patience with their jokes.
"That would explain why they haven't said anything about it since last week." Raziah frowned, considering how they had liked to tease the couple. "And also, perhaps why Lustol locked the lab."
There was no true need of doing so, not only because it would take a fool to venture there and snoop around but also because, among them, there was respect for each other's privacy… Even the Earl wouldn't just enter their rooms (or any other chamber that belonged exclusively to one of them) whenever he wanted.
"Oh, I don't think the twins would dare to mess with Lustol… At least not by messing with his ingredients and stuff." Alyera hesitated before sighing as her hand ran through her wavy hair after she considered it for a moment. "Or maybe they would… Honestly, I can't ever tell what they are thinking!"
Raziah could only make a gesture of agreement, both aware that the twins would be proud if they ever heard this conversation. The matter of the lab, well, it would depend on whether the temptation of playing around would be stronger than the caution everyone knew they should have with Lustol's chemicals.
They stopped before a door of the Ark that waited to be connected to a location. It wasn't needed more than a second for a reaction to occur and the door opened in the same light of always, leading them to a great field. The grass was dark, the moonlight making only an ephemeral sheet over it.
A mansion stood in front of them.
They saved a moment to examine the construction, which would work well as inspiration for a sugary romance novel, the archetype that can easily be associated with the home of an elegant lord. It was pristine in its looks and of the grass around, something made to be gazed at and admired. It also made a silent statement of power for those who knew how to see it. The light crossing the windows granted the glass a liquid-like characteristic and the Noah girls could see brief silhouettes of people on the second floor. By the light, there were others in the living room as well.
The steps reaching to the door were of a light gray, though they had been scrubbed almost until making them a forced shade of white, or as close to it as it could be. Not paying any attention to it or any unnecessary details, Alyera knocked.
"Yes, may I ask…" The man in the black suit that answered had a face marked by the passage of time and yet stood tall. Alyera didn't let him finish and pushed him aside with the exact limit between delicacy and abruptness, the sweet smile only emphasizing the sharpness in her eyes.
"Excuse me." She said without actually requesting anything, followed by Raziah as they went to the hall, which had been clearly designed to hold parties, neither of them casting a glance to their surroundings. They were unimportant. The man behind them tried to say something, to demand explanations or introductions, being ignored.
It was a small reunion, not quite a party by the atmosphere they found. Some of the people sitting near the fireplace took no notice of them at once, but a few turned, either feeling their approach as people sometimes do or by hearing the butler's protests.
"What is that!" The yell was from a man standing from a red chair, his tone denouncing that this reaction was more directed at the invasion in itself than at the fact the trespassers boasted gray skin and golden eyes of an animal. Alyera had no care to show him and merely sighed, turning to Raziah. The shy enamored woman was not in that room. In her place, there was only the Noah of Judgement.
"I'll take care of upstairs, yes?" Her face was a mask that kept at bay any emotion, only her voice working as a crack that allowed her scorn to run free. Raziah nodded, as there wasn't much of a difference in the end. As far as they were concerned, it was all the same.
"I demand that you leave immediately! You're trespassing a private property! Do you have any idea of what…" The man carried on as a muttering ran among the others. Alyera took a second to measure him up and down, before making a point of ignoring him even as he called out to the old butler (to get rid of them or to get the police or any other ridiculous thing) and made her way to the great stairs at the end of the hall. As much as she had not reacted to the humans around, her eyes denounced her desires.
A young man came with the obvious intention of grabbing her arm, but something made him fall. No one would have been able to notice the dark shadows slithering around his feet as rats, not with their attentions on the females that were not human, as much as they looked so.
Alyera didn't grace the boy with any acknowledgment.
"Who do you think you are? How dare you invade my home like this!" Now it was a woman with a lilac dress that yelled with indignation, eyes going from Alyera to Raziah and despite having clearly noticed their appearance, this was ignored in favor of the insult their uninvited presence was. "Leave immediately! I will not stand for this! If you want to steal something, you're making a grave mistake!"
A glance was enough to know her: Head held high, eyes that had never shown anything real unless it was spite, a voice born for disdain. Around, fear was starting to create root in the mutterings that had started in anger and offense. Yet, they still believed themselves protected by some illusion of power.
Raziah would have sighed. She had dared to have some hope, but this? This wouldn't be able to invoke even a vague interest from her.
"We are not here to steal anything." The inhumanity of her voice reached for their nerves and suffocated other sounds. "We're here by orders of the Millennium Earl."
Some sort of comprehension perhaps touched some of the presents, but not all of them. The young man that had fallen was still on the floor, rubbing his head with an all-too-easy to read expression of surprise. Someone said something. Raziah didn't bother herself with interpreting the sound or tone, so irrelevant it was. Oh, well. As pathetic as those sheep were, she could still enjoy herself.
Without a moment of preparation or warning, darkness took over the place.
Her shadow gave birth to large straps, connecting itself to the shadows created by people and furniture. They spread through the walls, covering windows and blocking doors, creating solid veils.
Behind her, the butler and some other person who had approached her (a maid, perhaps) screamed and tried to leave, the desire for survival overpowering any other intention, their senses quicker to react to what they saw by what it was… And what was promised in that darkness.
More people tried to run to the main door or to find another way out, away from that gray creature, some running straight to the shadows and surprised to feel the resistant texture, a living stain of oil. A woman shrieked as she backed away, only to find her hands taken by the same substance the shadows had become. She screamed, her mind unable to process the touch of something that shouldn't be felt, shouldn't be.
"If it's money, we can pay more than whoever sent you!" The man of the red chair said quickly, holding his head high, even if his lip shivered. "We can give you whatever you want!"
She could have admired him for the attempt at keeping composure before the unknown, if it wasn't for what lurked underneath. As if, as scared as he was, he still felt safe in his money. Her boredom was pushed to the line of annoyance.
The substantial darkness ran up his body, exploring his flesh, invading his mouth. He struggled, tried to claw at it. Useless. A pinkish foam formed in his mouth, running down his chin. Pieces of calcium and nerves from the teeth fell. The shadows went down his throat, coldly exploring the workings of his body, feeling the organs. The foam became of an intense red.
A man came to her, a fireplace poker ready to strike. He was likewise held, a strap of black holding his face. A waterfall of blood came with a gurgling sound when barbs pierced flesh and teeth.
The lilac-dressed woman screeched. Her hands went to cover her mouth as she stepped back, lost in growing hysteria. Some other voice screamed about waking up, still believing this to be a dream in spite of the smell of blood. She could feel people trying to hit the place the windows should be or the doors, even the walls, with no use. Everything around was black, black and black…
She might have finished them quicker, but why deny herself the pleasure?
A gun was shot. Tendrils rose, stopping the bullet from touching her face. She turned to her left. A man looked at her with more hatred than fear. He shot again, ignoring her defense.
"You whore!" He yelled, more out of hatred than fear. "You and that monster of an Earl! And that fucking, diseased bitch, she has no right to…"
Raziah's eyes glinted.
A cutting gesture of her arm released shadows. He backed off, but the shadows were already on him. He fell. Nothing to be seen, just a cocoon of black.
Few humans remained now. Panic all around now. Shadows danced and played as demons, satisfied with the entertainment offered.
They couldn't run. The golden cage had become one made of darkness, blood and bones.
People ran. People cried. A man grabbed the hair of a girl, clearly his sister and threw her behind with violence, then hitting the windows yelling, as if there was hope in someone passing by and becoming a saving grace. A woman stepped on the lilac-dressed one when trying to run somewhere.
It was always like this…
Flesh resisted the touch of darkness, but any movement they might make was easily held back until she wished for a twist, one that their bones weren't meant to. What the shadows left on the floor did not resemble a human shape.
A girl screamed when looking at her and seeing the things at her feet, obscene jokes of a body meant to live. Her sounds were out of cadence with the other screams, in Raziah's ears. That voice was too used to laugher to know how to express fear properly.
It was a passing notion for Raziah. She didn't have much care for it anyway and allowed the girl to try running to where should be an arch leading to another room or hallway. But she cried and couldn't go forward nor find another way, afraid of the shadows, afraid of the dark.
"Please… Whatever you want, I can pay…"
Oh, there was a man at her feet now, dragging himself to her, probably hurt in the fight for finding a way out. He grasped the end of her blouse's tail. The white mustached shivered as he tried to speak, a string of saliva escaping his mouth when he tried to smile.
"I understand… I can pay anything." His smile was all one needed to see to know sanity had been shattered. But what he just said made Raziah frown.
No.
He did not understand her, nor could he.
He was too much of a man to understand a woman.
Too much of a human to understand a Noah.
She dispensed him a smile and crouched down, touching his face, covering his eyes gently, almost the touch of a lover…
Blood hit her face and warmed her clothes when shadows jumped from her own blood to his flesh. Gray eyes were pushed, nesting near the broken brain, teeth hit each other and shattered, gums torn to exhibit the naked nerves.
The corpse fell at her feet, a hole in place of the face. A line of white liquid denounced the spot where the eyes had been pierced and pushed.
She glanced back at the cocoon she had done and unleashed it.
The man blinked.
And he screamed. Screamed. Screamed. Then, as if learning to feel his own body again, he tried to crawl, grabbing at the skirt of a girl, screaming.
She touched them.
Darkness touched them.
Blood and darkness danced. Bones sang. Flesh opened to reveal secrets and the resistance of the body was experienced.
And then, at some point, there was a silence of voices.
"Oh, Raziah!" Alyera sighed. From the exposed hallway upstairs, she observed the whole hall. When she came to the stairs, the shadows evaporated as if they had never existed.
"Wasn't this a little… Tacky, for you?" Alyera commented, without really caring as her eyes drank the vision around with pleasure. Humanity's ideas of hell, of the nightmares born of the greatest fears were mere dreams when next to this single room… Walls were painted with blood. A white, lymphatic-like liquid could be seen. Pieces of something were stuck to the walls. At regular intervals, there was a drip-drip sound.
Alyera pushed with her feet something that had hours ago been part of a human being as she walked to Raziah. Some corpses around didn't look like anything that had been alive one day. Nature simply wouldn't have allowed the formation of something like that to go beyond from first weeks in some unfortunate womb.
And yet, there they were. Nerves exposed, bones twisted, all aspects of flesh toyed with.
"Were you uninspired?"
"They were too boring for anything else." It was the response. "I tried to have some fun."
"I can't criticize you…" Alyera sighed shaking her head and hands on her hips, like a mother or sister. Then the face of the Noah of Judgment tore itself apart in a smile that shouldn't be possible in anything that resembled a human form. "Not after what I did upstairs… Oh, well. What do you think? Should we set this place ablaze?"
Suddenly, light.
The naked walls, the hardness on her back whose nerves complained a bit, her body still holding the pain of battle.
Raz blinked, trying to push away for a moment the images in her eyes so she could think, expel the screams of her ears, but now this memory had been rescued from her shattered interior, it was burned in her mind.
Lustol… Alyera…
The smell of blood…
The Earl…
The sensation as she mutilated those people…
Neah… Mana…
Her lungs hurt with the fast breathing and she made herself smaller, hugging her legs as if wishing her flesh to mix together until she was no more than an amount, too small to have thoughts or sensations.
Broken images and sounds still tormented her senses. Mana and Neah's laugh, the gentleness in Alyera's eyes, Lustol busy with his chemistry experiments…
Nish…
Lustol had called her Nish, but that was not… No, wait, that was right. Some of them would forsake their human name upon accepting their positions in the Clan. Joyd was the name of the Noah of Pleasure just like Lustol was the name of the memory of the Noah of Lust… And he had always called her by the Noah name, Nish. Raz had never seen reason to protest it… Or at least that was the impression that remained.
Alyera, yes, she had asked to be still called by her human name…
Dead…
All of them… Dead…
Neah had killed them.
Neah had tried to kill her as well…
Her senses exploded in agony. Each nerve wanted to scream. The pain was not only in her heart, it went to the eyes, the mind, to any other point of her body that was able to feel and pierced anything that it found…
"Neah… Neah…" Her mind whimpered, as if it was the only thought that survived this moment. Why had he done it? Alyera… Lustol… That Noah of brown hair (what was his name? She couldn't remember!).
Instinct tried to keep other details in focus and to cradle in them. Even then she had been somewhat reserved, becoming more expressive of her own feelings when with Neah and Mana, or so it seemed… They were her friends…. Mana always spoke of traveling and this was how they had started to call him Walker…
Most of the Noahs enjoyed music… At least Lustol and Alyera did, this she knew somehow… And Neah and Mana were exceptionally talented in this field, they had taught her… Though she couldn't remember any sort of lessons, the knowledge survived in her…
Some things remained in the mist… The faces of some of the other Noahs that had been at the dinner, what had been said… On the way to the dining room, she couldn't remember exactly what Lustol had told her.
And the dinner… Mana and Neah always took their seats at the left of the Earl, whose position at the head of the table was not only due to being the leader of the Clan, but because it made it easier to observe the rest of the family, intending to know if they were all well served and comfortable.
Lustol smiling. Alyera blushing while speaking of her relationship. Neah and Mana laughing with her as they promised to travel together someday…
How had everything ended up like that? Why?
Tears came to her eyes and cut her face.
They didn't soothe despair, only increased it.
They tasted mixed with the taste of the people she had killed.
The vision of those corpses danced. The screams came back to her mind along with the intense pleasure she had felt and that was beyond something she had ever imagined to be possible.
Raz made herself smaller in the dead womb of that room, hiding her face still more in her knees. Her being was shaken under the skin and a deep self-loathing held her nerves. She was disgusted at that flesh, at the blood she carried, at everything that made her be her…
She would have left that body, abandoned the skin, preferring to drag herself in the floor with the nerves exposed if it was possible.
Slowly, connections of her legs weak to sustain her weight, Raz stood. She trembled for a moment as if she were about to fall, but the body managed to firm itself enough to walk and leave the grave of that room…
Her mind was still taken by visions of blood. It was her feet that led her, with the instinct of a child seeking the parents' arms.
But she had no parents.
When she sat weakly was when she realized that she had somehow gone to the chapel underneath the stairs. It was small and it could have been a basement until some soul living there had decided to use it as a room for particular prayers.
In the altar ahead there was a large cross, broken. The few benches around were twisted or showed cracks. The walls were dirty and even now lighter rectangles (though by no mean clean) were noticeable, denouncing how paintings had once been there.
She looked around, as if absorbing the details, just like she had when she had woken up in the woods, months ago, empty of everything…
If all her memories were like this… If she could only be filled with the pain of what she had lost and the blood she had spilled…
Her hands grabbed her shoulders and fingernails bit the flesh, as if longing to cut it. And perhaps it made sense. She had spilled blood… Perhaps she should spill her own in retribution.
"Dirty blood. Murderess blood. It doesn't have any value to amend the innocent blood…"
She looked at the broken cross, still shivering, still in pain. Still crying as if she could never stop.
The Noah Clan… Her Clan…
Dead…
And she had forgotten them…
The bodies in that mansion. The grotesque shapes. The sounds of pain.
And she had killed.
And she had enjoyed it…
She wanted to look at the cross, but found she was unable to. She felt obscene and disgusting. She had no right to be there, let alone praying, not with that act she carried inside.
She was a monster and a murderess and she would burn in Hell.
XxX
She had only wanted to isolate herself a little. Weariness pulsated in her body and in spite of what she had said, she had realized she would have liked to sit a little and rest.
But it wasn't easy to do so just in any room. Not because of any anxiety for comfort, but because there was too much to think about and business to solve with herself regarding the whole situation as well as what to do next. Now that Lavi and Bookman were safe, she could reflect more about everything she had heard about how Allen had had to leave the Order and what had transpired since then.
Miranda refused to just accept the situation and do nothing about it. She had no idea of how to help when she was still in in the Order, but certainly there should be a way.
So she had decided to go to the chapel. Praying always filled her with calmness and she believed she really should thank God that they had managed to save Lavi and Bookman considering the odds they had been against… Of course she could pray in some other room, but she felt the need of being by herself for a moment, and perhaps the location helped, she didn't know. She had just felt the need and acted accordingly.
When she was at the door at the end of the small stairs, she realized there was someone there already and, spying inside, she caught the black-bluish hair and white clothes.
And she knew it was the Noah girl.
Ana: And finally, Raz actually remembered something!
Allen: You couldn't have made her remember something a little happier, right?
Ana: What? She is a Noah, you didn't think she had never killed innocent people?
Allen: No, but...
Ana: So there.
Wisely: It could have been worse. Plus, they were just humans! Who cares?
Allen: That doesn't help at all!
Neah: Oh, I remember that night.
Allen: And you stay out of this!
SeventhStar23: Because cliffhangers are fun? I mean, for the writer? Well, I... I updated it, so...
Allen: You're going to end up losing your readers with this, you know?
Ana: Nooo! Please, I'm sorry! But hey, it's not like this story can be all "butterflies and rainbows", right? And... I don't want to sound mean, but I'm actually happy that you reacted so much to Alison's story! Wow, more than Alma and Kanda's? That's a great compliment considering how heartbreaking that arc was!
Allen: I'm shocked Kanda doesn't wear a shirt saying "The Order sucks"
Kanda: Because I have a thing called dignity?
Allen: It was a joke, Bakanda!
Ana: There they go again... -sigh- And yes, a way to make Alison really angry is to call her Exorcist.
Sheryl: That bitch cut my face! When I get my hands on her...
Alison: Excuse me? We were in the middle of a fight, did you forget?
Sheryl: Not at all, but to a low, disgusting human to dare such a...
Ana: Glad you thought she was a badass, I really enjoyed that scene. But you're right, she managed to make Sheryl really furious with her. I wouldn't like to be in her shoes, that man is scary as hell when he wants. And yup. You said it. It's not that she hates Lenalee, but she didn't say those things to hurt her. She was pissed off, sure, at how all of them acted when Allen was in the Order, but she wanted Lenalee to wake up.
Lauren: Meaning, Ali has a heart despite acting like a viper when she wants to.
Alison: HEY!
Ana: I can't say what kind of ending I'll give them, sorry. But feel free to hug them!
Lavi: I'm grateful I'm out of the Ark, but now I'm still in coma! It took her twenty chapters and more to finally get me out there and look at how much action I missed!
Ana: Feel free to call me Wolf, everyone does!
Miranda: We... We want to make up for it somehow...
Ana: Alison already chewed Lenalee for the whole "forgiveness doesn't equal forgetfulness" or whatever, so I'll keep quiet.
TEAM SasuNaruHina: It's an interesting theory and I admit I never thought like this. As for Crown Clown... It's a good question. I really want to explore the relationship between human and Innocence and they are sentient enough to understand people and to have feelings, so it would depend very much of how this happens.
Toraido: Even separated they are not our cup of tea, let alone having to deal with a merged version of both!
Ana: Don't mind him, he is still pissed they managed to save Lavi. Anyway, don't worry about the long post, I found it an interesting theory of how things could happen. Hope you have liked this chapter.
jy24: On the risk of sounding like a complete sadist, I enjoy to make my readers react like this. It means they care for the characters and that I'm writing a good story.
Alison: I don't know who is worse, she or the Noah.
Ana: Hey! And yes... That happened years ago, before the Massacre of the Exorcists (as I call) when only a few survived (Thanks Tyki, you jerk), so back then, they cared more about keeping control. With Irene making more questions than she should... A dog that no longer obeys is no longer useful.
Alison: I only wish I could have taken her Innocence with me...
Ana: And now we have Raz and her not-so-happy memory.
Alison: Like I said, I don't know who is worse.