Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray Man in any way, all credit goes to Katsura Hoshino.

Summary: Forced to leave the Order, Allen comes across a secret hidden in the depths of the Ark. Now, hunted by the Noah Clan and considered an enemy by the place he once called home, he has to search for the truth... The truth about Mana, Neah and himself. Where he came from and who he really is. Uncovering a web of illusions and doubts, Allen still moves forward as he promised to do... But what do you do in a war, when you feel like you don't belong to any side?

"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad." – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

Act Thirty – A Web of Light and Darkness

Life has strange ways of continuously remind people of the passage of time and the changes it brings, even when one thinks to be aware of such. And yet a return to a childhood home after years, even with the awareness that everything has changed, will cause a soft surprise, a predominant nostalgia and a curious sensation, as if the place remains, in some corner of the heart, a "home"...

Such would be quite alike what Krory felt once he returned to the Order and he thought it wouldn't be too different from what the others might be experiencing as well. Lenalee had been quiet all the way to the city of their mission and even during it, despite how things had gone rather well, for their relief...

For now, he knew.

Krory was engaged in a conversation with Komui as they waited, the chief having had his usual raptures of cheerfulness before the return of his sister and him, which Krory knew to have a great deal to do with the relief of seeing them returning alive, which overcame the anxiety for news. The two of them had returned first and as such, it had befallen them to tell all about what had happened to Komui and Reever, not leaving any details out.

Strangely enough, Reever had remained quiet, despite also interested in the tale. The reveal of Apocryphos' existence had rendered them unable to say anything, color draining from Komui's face as he fell on his chair, Reever frozen. That creature, for they couldn't barely think about it as "Innocence" was something they had never considered possible to exist.

Yet, Krory's vampiric instincts were that of a predator and as such, even when this side of his was not activated, he often picked up details of other's behaviors... Such as the inquietude that came to be from time to time in Reever's mannerisms, no matter how controlled he appeared externally.

"It seems that some Crows have been sent out especially to hunt Allen down..." Komui whispered, his smile working as a mask for his true feelings. Anyone passing by would at once think he was talking about some unimportant subject, perhaps a new idea for a Komurin.

Krory shook his head, not surprised, and his dark eyes ran around the room as Kanda informed something or another to the officials after having crossed one of the portals with Miranda and Marie.

He wasn't as foolish as to have expected that coming back would invoke the same emotions of before, of happiness and relief... No, wrong… Such would imply that those sensations did not exist anymore and they were there, though exclusively related to the people, for he found a despise for the place itself growing with the patience of a disease...

His mind reminded him that there were almost no people left to trust in here, no matter if it didn't erase the past and yet, some of the sensation of "home" remained no matter how much he wanted to reject it.

This couldn't be home, not when there was no trust.

A Finder saw him and waved. Krory repeated the gesture... Brian had always been in friendly terms with him and Allen, but now his words of scorn and downright hate towards the white-haired boy echoed in Krory's brain...

The Order had been his first real home, just as it had been for Allen.

This was worse than the years he had spent caged in that castle. At least while there, he had been physically alone as well until Eliade had come, not knowing the coldness that can be caused by the presence (rather than absence) of others... At least the perception that there was nothing that could turn that empty womb into a "home" and the lack of memories of warmth stopped him from mourning the loss of something he had never had. It wasn't the same now, with memories of the good times mixed with the present...

"When did things come to this? Or was it always like this and we were all just too naive to realize?" He didn't know the answer but could taste the irony. As experienced as they could be on the battlefield, it seemed they could be rather children-like when it came down to the insidiousness of the world. He wondered if Allen had felt like that, as if realizing that a dear friend was neglecting or manipulating him and as much as he knew it would be better to walk away, there was still the longing, the desire to stay close while wondering if this friendship had ever been real…

The Order was no longer "home".

A movement of Reever at his side called his attention. Kanda and the others were done with the procedures and were coming closer, Miranda raising her hand in a shy wave. Before Krory or Komui or Lenalee could say anything, Reever walked to her.

"Welcome back!" He said almost breathlessly, a soft smile being born (very different from the professional one to the trained eyes) and Krory took notice of some nervousness in the gaze that ran over the woman, as if in need to confirm over and over that she was alright, that she was unharmed. "How was it? I... Are you..."

Miranda smiled, placing a strand of hair behind her ear, hoping no one could notice anything, but Krory saw the spark in her eye and how, for a moment, a soft pink had colored her face when she had first seen Reever.

Seeing how Marie had a light frown, he also understood he hadn't been the only one to pick up the signals. The other, with his acute hearing, must have taken notice of the undertones in their voices or the music of their heartbeats as much as Krory had noticed their eyes delaying in each other.

"It was quite alright... I mean... We just had to deal with a couple of akumas." No reason to lie and say it had been easy. The akumas had made it quite clear how furious the Earl was at the moment and she had been certain back then that the Noah Patriarch would have gladly ordered them to be captured alive, just so he could break them himself, as a child would with a toy that was no longer amusing, if he didn't have more important matters to attend to. Reever's hand moved for a second, as if meaning to find hers.

Miranda was grateful that the uniform hid the bandages in her arm and the wound in her hip, not wanting people to look at it, let alone to worry Reever and added.

"Oh, we recovered an Innocence as well and..."

"Very good news then, Miss Lotto?"

Kanda, who had opened his mouth to say they would have time to chit-chat later and was entertaining the idea of going to the cafeteria to get something to eat, became quiet as his blood heated up almost to the point of becoming unbearable.

Lenalee, who had been at her brother's side waiting to talk to the others as well, bit the flesh inside her mouth as the usual shivering dominated her skin. Even though her meetings with Inspector Levelier had become more often lately, they were not enough for her organism to adapt completely to his presence.

Miranda faced the man, managing to keep a smile of politeness and moving her head in a respectful gesture. If someone asked her, she would say her feelings about returning to the Order didn't differ too greatly from Krory's.

"Well, we are alive and we were successful, so I would say yes, sir."

Levelier nodded, seeming pleased. Reever needed all his self-control to not hold Miranda's hand and take her away right there. His displeasure for the man had reached a point where the instinctive response was of repulse and anger, as someone finding a serpent ready to strike. The last thing he wanted was for the Inspector to get anywhere close to Miranda.

Levelier turned his attention to Kanda.

"Congratulations, your first mission as a General went quite well, don't you think?"

Kanda vaguely wondered if the man was being sincere, if there was some sick sort of triumph behind that tone or if it was really mocking. However, even if he was being sincere, it didn't change anything for Kanda. It didn't even matter.

Receiving no reply, and perhaps not expecting one, the Inspector looked over them with his usual smile.

"Well, just don't forget the formal report about your mission." And his gaze of iron stopped in Lenalee for a moment before he asked in a way that could have otherwise be taken as sweet. "You and Krory haven't made your report yet, right, Lenalee? Curious, but... Don't the Central's rules say that such must be made immediately upon the Exorcist's return?"

The first impulse of the girl was to seek her brother's hand, but before her muscles reacted without her consent, her nails nestled in her own palm. Her arm shivered uncomfortably, being stopped in a gesture that was already natural. The others managed to keep their expressions calm before the man's words. Lenalee felt her lip shivering, her spine cold with the desire to run away... She hoped someone would say something, would make those eyes stay away from her, away, away...

"I-I'm sorry if... If we appeared to be disrespectful, sir..." She realized her voice failing her and hated herself for it for the first time. She couldn't remember if it always happened when talking to him but did remember how she used to run to Kanda whenever Levelier appeared. Even with his cold behavior (and perhaps because of it), the way the samurai seemed to be untouchable made her feel protected.

But she was no longer a child.

Forcing the mass of dryness in her throat to go down, she continued when she saw Komui about to say something. She had to carry on... C'mon, easy does it... Take a deep breath...

"But we returned just yesterday... And we're still recovering..." It wasn't a lie. Her legs were still unseen under the white gauze, the flesh dominated by the still-healing burns. Some of her wounds had opened when she had fought akumas in her official mission afterward, worsening them. There was a new cut in her back, a deep crack in her flesh. "We were just too tired to report immediately..."

"And the rules specify that the Exorcists must give a report as soon as they return and are in conditions to do so." Komui interfered, shrugging and managing to keep a carefree tone even when the other man's eyes slithered to him. "Sir, you must have received the Nurse's statement of their injures and you know how she would react if she ever heard that her patients had to go to a reunion such as this without being completely recovered from all their wounds?"

He couldn't fully use of sweetness in this last phrase, but there was no harm since the Head Nurse's temperament was legendary. Levelier evaluated him for an instant before amusement came to his facial lines and his laughter made Marie frown. He couldn't remember if he had ever heard the man laugh before... His hearing focused on the sound waves, dissecting them in search of something that worked as a clue to his actual emotions.

"Indeed, indeed." Still with his back straight and his posture of "official", Levelier nodded. "She has her own authority and it's better to not provoke her. Well, then let us hope you recover soon." And he nodded in a manner of farewell. "I'm glad to see you all back. If you'll excuse me, I have some work to do and I hope to have some time at night to try a new recipe I found."

It wasn't until his silhouette had left the large room of the Ark Portals that Lenalee felt fresh air entering her lungs, blood slowly starting to run normally once more. It was only then that she realized her brother placing his hand on her shoulder and her own went to rest over his, needing that to confirm his presence there, that how she wasn't dreaming like she had so many times when tied up in a bed, until she was no longer aware of what was a dream and what was an actual memory...

Komui, in his turn, was surprised to see that Lenalee had tried to give such a reply. The only time she had come closer to even trying to face Levelier like this had been when Chaozii had told details about the Battles of the White Ark, about Road kissing Allen (bad) and Allen's attempt to save Tyki Mikk (worse). Though he was surprised, there was a strong pride.

He knew his protective instinct regarding her was considered overbearing by many, especially those who knew little of everything and saw him just like a Supervisor of the Science Department and Lenalee as the superior of the two, blessed by Innocence, as if this made her someone different, someone who didn't feel pain or sorrow...

He remembered she had told him that Chaozii, back in the Ark, had once been surprised that they felt fear like anyone else.

Komui remembered the years he had dragged himself around an empty house. How there had been so many days when, upon waking up, his mind had tricked him into believing for a cruel moment that it had all been a dream and Lenalee was safe and sound in her bed... Only for reality to come. There had been days he had gone to her room, kept untouched, and had been unable to stop his tears...

He was her older brother. He should have been able to keep her safe...

And she had been taken away.

Then, after years, he had been able to reach the Order, after battling for a position that would allow him to stay in the building where his sister was and when finally, finally had been able to see her... He had found her tied up, fed by IV tubes, a broken doll that was still kept due to the hope of becoming useful someday...

He hadn't been able to keep her safe. And this had happened. Her smile was gone, her eyes were dead and she was so thin that it seemed a mere touch would break her...

God, she was just a child...

Despite being able to be near her from now own, he was still useless. He couldn't even try going with her when she left for missions and upon seeing her leaving, he could only wonder how she would return...

In a coffin? On a stretcher? What scars would she bring back, what nightmares she would have?

He was supposed to help her.

"I don't like this at all..." Marie muttered in a whisper. This, coming from someone else, would have been rewarded with a sarcastic comment from Kanda's part, but the samurai kept his silence.

"Do I need to say it?" Komui asked the others with a sigh. No, there was no need. There was something strange going on in the Order and it had been for a while by now, yes, but none of them could fully describe it. It wasn't just people turning their backs on Allen, as horrible as it was, despite the comments and despise towards the boy, if you looked at the bigger picture... The Order's routines weren't as different from before.

It was something else. And it made them feel as if something had to happen soon, something had to give soon...

A twig can only be pressed until a certain point before breaking.

Reever shook his head. There was an unseen disease here, infecting nerves and blood, that couldn't be diagnosed until it broke the body.

"Leave it. One thing at a time..." Reever forced himself to say, as they couldn't discuss such here in the room with other workers nearby. When Miranda smiled briefly, he felt a warmth going up to his face and slowly took her hand in a signal he needed to talk to her, his muscles relaxing. "Well, we talk about it later... See you guys later."

And both of them walked away, starting a whispered talk and leaving the others to follow them with their eyes.

"By any chance..."

"Did it seem to you too that..."

"When did they...?"

A chuckle was kept in Komui's throat before the atypical behavior of his friend. It was only natural that he, just like Komui and the others, would be tense while their friends were away in missions and hoping they would be back, safe, and soon... Yet, it seemed that Reever had had more personal reasons behind his worries.

Lenalee caught herself giggling a little, the sound softening her own nerves and suddenly, she realized a seed of desire to be alone for a while. It was such a small thing that it wasn't possible to fully evaluate the reasons behind it, but she merely said goodbye and agreed to see them later. For now, it was enough to know they were all alright.

She also walked away, taking a short path among the hallways, greeting people passing by as her mind was taken by memories while the ghost of Alison Rouwen's voice echoed in her cranium, spreading to the rest of her body, , the poison of a scorpion that wouldn't weaken or fade, but rather entering a state of symbiosis with the host, living forever.

She wasn't quite sure about that group... No. Perhaps there was nothing to do with them, it was just her personal emotions... And a sensation that had always floated in her and happened to have found a firm ground in their meeting, then blooming with more certainty.

She remembered the Battles of the Ark. She couldn't tell if it had started there, or if this had been just a propitious occasion to allow whatever it was to grow more, but it was a good starting point as much as the forests of China where Suman had died and Allen almost lost his Innocence. Well, perhaps not starting points, but events that marked something...

She remembered herself, sitting at the table with the Noahs (and God, how she had been relieved that it was a long table, for if she had had to sit near one of them, she would have screamed) as Road hugged Allen and mocked with sweetness, telling how the rest of the Ark was gone... And Lenalee had been unable to fight, unable to do anything...

If the Earl had been there, Lenalee imagined he would have laughed, as the cursed thing that seemed to feed of suffering that he was.

She could almost see herself, sitting there, trying to not shiver, looking nothing like an Exorcist, but as a girl who had no place in battlefields. She hadn't acted at all like she was sure Allen had when he had been not unable to use his Innocence as she had been, but actively at risk of losing it forever...

Lavi had held her hand, whispered for her to be strong with that smile he seemed to reserve just for her, even though at that moment they truly feared that Kanda and Krory might be dead and she had no hope left, only an emptiness that seduced her to the depths of despair...

And Lenalee had thought she had promised to be stronger.

Later, when the Order had been attacked, she had stayed locked in the Infirmary and would be lying if she said that there hadn't been some cruel relief in being there instead of out there, fighting, fearing what could happen should she try to synchronize with the Dark Boots once more... Until Levelier had come and yelled through the door about how she was also an Exorcist just like the others.

"Kanda fought." She thought to herself. "And Mugen was destroyed, but he still fought. Lavi joined him a little after, didn't he?"

Some details became mist-like in her mind that had been focusing only on herself back then, slowly going back to the past until when she was a child, waking up to her brother calling her, and even touching the few memories she had of her parents... Then going back to the day when she had been found by the Order, taken from her home as she cried and her brother was held back by two men in black... It was like a book one reads over and over again...

Her room was a grave where only silence was her companion, exactly what she desired at the moment. Taking a seat at her dressing table, the sounds of her mind became more vivid, though still whispers of dreams...

She had promised to be stronger, but now that Lenalee thought of it… She wasn't sure she had kept it... She recalled Alison all but snarling that she hadn't missed Allen for Allen, but the comfort, the "piece" of her world... And how, later, she had talked to Allen about things...

A part of her still wanted to yell that she was a good girl, a good friend, that she was on the right side of that war, but the memories that became more and more alive inside her as clowns jumping and mocking were those that didn't fit such words. As it frequently happens when we question ourselves. And this time, Lenalee wanted that, needed them to fight back the lies of the conditioned part of her mind.

Her promise of strength, even if made to herself in silence, had been real?

What she felt was real?

She looked at the mirror, deep into the eyes of her reflection.

She was seventeen, on her path to eighteen. However, how often had she felt she was older than that, that her mind carried far more memories than the years seemed able to contain?

Even now, there were nights when her heart weighted too much, all of her taken by too many thoughts, too many scenarios and memories... And she felt so tired, so tired that she wanted the world to just go away. Even now, if she closed her eyes, she wouldn't have seen darkness, but a tornado of images of blood and ripped flesh...

She lifted her fingers and touched the mirror, almost as a child playing with the reflection...

"I'm a good person..." Part of her still tried to say, but even to Lenalee, it sounded like a childish protest and the words were weak, so they were ignored. Her reflection looked back at her with no expression, something caught up in a cocoon and demanding freedom while blaming the one that had caged it.

Her hand fell at the side of the body.

Her hair was longer...

It reached a little under her shoulders by now, long enough to be put up. Now, along with all that she was thinking about, there was the hazed memory, almost a dream, of her mother brushing her hair, putting it up in two twin-tails as she said in her soft voice how much she loved that look in her daughter and later, Lenalee would ask her brother to brush her like that, unable to put it up as perfectly as her mother used to, her hands too small for the hairbrush.

Her eyes lowered and for a moment, she stayed still with the memories as company until she opened the drawer with an almost abrupt gesture, picking up a small wooden box.

Inside it, alone, there was a golden-colored ring.

The other had long ago been destroyed in a battle.

"You have very beautiful black hair... You mustn't let the war get the better of you, okay?"

Lenalee took a deep breath.

Enough with fake resolutions, of speaking and not acting and thinking about how things ought to be. As the girl brushed her hair, she reflected that she had long ago to be introduced to the reality of the world, however, it seemed she hadn't opened her eyes until now.

She had wanted to keep her hair as her mother had done, out of fear of forgetting her and Lenalee was aware of it. She had wanted to keep Allen with her and, though there had been a strong feeling for him, perhaps it had been also out of more selfish reasons than she would have liked…

Perhaps, perhaps…

She wasn't sure herself. She wasn't sure of many things. All she knew now was that she was done with mere words. Long ago had come the time to actions.

The metal-like ring closed with a "click", keeping her strands in a ponytail.

Lenalee admitted the new hairstyle felt strange due to being different from what she was used to but also acknowledged that it was good for the same reason. Perhaps it was a foolish gesture and without real meaning, but it worked for her as a sort of compromise with the change, in being truly different from what she had been before.

She would no longer think about being strong.

She would be strong.

XxX

A line of gold was on the horizon, still trying to grow to the skies in hues of orange, embers that started to go out even if trying to hold to the fire they possessed inside. Meanwhile, the rest of the sky gained a darkening blue as the day approached twilight.

They had watched the town from afar when seeing it for the first time, expanding itself to the horizon in houses and buildings that gained ground, a gray sea among the green. Years of traveling since a young age had taken away the possible nervousness of arriving at new places and taught Allen much about feeling the basic pulse of the environment and in this, there was always variety. Cities that usually accepted barefoot travelers and appreciated the novelty some could bring, be street performers or circus. Others would spit in gypsy fairs and poor travelers, while embracing expansive fairs and receiving rich tourists with gentleness.

Oh, Allen knew one couldn't and shouldn't shape all people of a town in such a few categories, but there were cities with a strong enough sensation to deserve such classifications. The city in question seemed the sort that wouldn't despise anything as long as it didn't bring trouble and the law wasn't broken... Usually, this would make him feel a little better, but as they walked around asking if there was a traveling circus in town, all he could feel was a bitter taste in the depths of his stomach.

Even so, some people had given him and Raz some glances and when they had entered a small restaurant, a young woman of elegant features had given her a derogatory look of arrogance, which Raz had either ignored or not noticed.

He couldn't focus his attention clearly and his thoughts often refused to follow a linear order. He didn't want to be in this town anymore and could only be grateful that Raz was there, for it had been her who had asked the waiter in the balcony they were sitting if there was a circus around.

Allen had found himself unable to form the words, his body too busy in trying to make the bile stopping from going up to his throat.

"Oh, yes, there is," The man replied while taking down their requests, the thick mustache shivering as he spoke with an exotic-sounding voice and gestured with his pencil. "It arrived just a couple of days ago!"

Allen's stomach twisted around with the regret of asking for anything to eat, the muscles under the skin freezing in a polite smile that hurt.

"Oh, that's great," He nodded, trying to hide his discomfort. "Can you tell us where it is, sir?"

The man laughed, a pleasant sound, and winked to them.

"Of course! Who doesn't like a circus? And, please don't take this the wrong way," He added, the green eyes going from Allen and Raz. "But you guys look like you truly could use some fun, you know?" Allen had no need to look at the mirror running the wall behind the man to know what he was seeing... He and Raz could be brushed and clean, but it didn't change the fact they were still two teens walking around with old-looking backpacks and some wounds they had been unable to hide.

"If you want..." The man continued before walking away and playing with the pencil in one of his hands, the notepad in the other. "I know an inn up the street, low prices, and quite comfortable."

"Well, I don't know... I mean..." Allen made an effort to not look at Raz and to keep that smile. The air in the restaurant was stale to his senses and even the scent of food did nothing but make him want to vomit, though he had nothing in his stomach. "I don't know how long we're going to stay..."

The man just said it would be nonsense for them to keep traveling at night. The later it got, the fewer trains there were and the road could be quite dangerous and, well, where would they sleep? In the open air? No, no, it would be better to spend the night somewhere safe and he would be right back with their food.

Allen limited himself to accept and be quiet, feeling the dryness inside and placing his elbows on the balcony, as Raz remained still at his side with nothing to say. On another occasion, he would have tried to talk to her about all that had transpired earlier on... He actually knew he had to, wanted to, but he couldn't find the words...

Both of them had barely talked in the hours following meeting Chaozii and he knew her calmness was only external. She was devastated by the memory of what she had been and then, as if caught up by a cruel joke of fate, had not only met an Exorcist who was truly hostile, but had lost part of her self-control and almost taken his life... Allen knew she would have if it hadn't been for his interference and Raz did as well...

Killing humans was part of being a Noah.

She had recalled a time when she had been happy with the Clan, with the Earl, the same one she fought to stay away from now... Nothing could help Allen to even try to understand how it must feel, but he knew it couldn't be anything less than painful...

How could she fight against all of this, when it was such an intricate part of what she was?

Meeting with Chaozii had taken its toll on him as well. Despite knowing through the others how things were at the Order, despite knowing there would be people turning against him, that raw hatred in Chaozii's eyes had still shaken him. It was as if the man had hated him all his life, or as if they were strangers…

Chaozii wanted him dead. Allen had seen it in his eyes.

Each time Allen tried to say something to Raz, his voice refused the command. His own mind was taken by the faceless figures that he banished to the corners of the brain, hoping that time would suffocate them... And now they were all back. And just like he had been unable to defend himself when he was a child, he couldn't defend himself now.

"I'm such a pathetic person..." He thought, laying his head on his arms. Echoes of voices he had heard back in the circus while growing up confirming it.

Despite everything, Raz felt the same regarding him... The silence between them was not empty of communication, but now it was scarred by other sorts of signs. And while Allen could fool others, and probably had along the years, she had seen his gaze when walking the streets, the subtle hesitation that edged refusal at the idea of even spending the night in town, as sensible as it sounded, how his voice when the man had confirmed the presence of a circus in town had been mechanical...

Allen wasn't fine...

He wasn't fine at all...

Yet, the wrong sort of comfort could easily be taken as a gesture of pity, which would be just offensive, so she opted to ask about the circus in the town with him. Her body had hurt for a long time after the attack and his Innocence had struck her organism in such a way that the pain had been even in her blood, running alive in her veins...

Pain, hate, loathing...

It was one thing to train with Allen, getting used to being surrounded by Innocence of people who meant her no harm, but it was quite different to be prey to it. Allen had already told her a little regarding Chaozii, of when they had first met, about how Chaozii had found himself to be an Exorcist during the Battles of the White Ark...

They had still talked about Mana for a while, despite him also being at the moment too close of bitterer topics. Yet, it was then that Allen's posture became less rigid, even though that stillness behind his eyes did not leave.

The circus, according to the waiter, had taken place in a public, large park. It was a little far, so both decided to spare some money in a cab... The soft movement of the wheels, as well the sounds of the horse's hooves, quickly turned into whimpers and skulls hitting each other to Allen, who otherwise found those same elements to be soothing... It was all in his head, he knew, but there was nothing to do to cease what he felt each time he thought this could be the circus where Mana had found him.

If this wasn't so necessary... He would probably have long ago cried out to the man to turn that thing around and left town at once.

But he couldn't forget that day, nor how his life had been before Mana...

He had approached the man, who had been crouching down near the corpse of a little dog wearing a fabric collar that imitated that of a clown costume... Dry blood matted the fur, one of the paws was swollen up, eyes dead... The tongue that had just another day licked Allen's arm now fell between the little teeth, dry. One or two flies were around it.

The animal was lying in a shallow grave, that the man had probably made with his bare hands. Allen remembered that his first impression had been that he was strange... When he had seen no tears shed for the dog, he had asked the reason with his rude manners of back then because, even for someone like him, it was quite weird that one would not cry upon losing someone that he held dear...

Then Mana had said, in his calm voice, that... Perhaps he just did not have tears anymore.

"And I didn't understand... I didn't understand anything..."

He had ended up crying, though. And it had been unusual for him... Even at such a young age, Allen disliked tears and had become a stranger to them... Like he was to that feeling of loss, since he had never had anything...

He had known, as soon as he had seen the dog, that it had been Cosimov...

After all, he...

"Stop, enough. It isn't the time to relive the past..." He told himself, taking a deep breath in the subtle way he knew how to, as to not call attention and tried to think about what Raz had told of Mana, trying to imagine the garden and the three of them sitting down under the veil of the night, promising to travel together.

"If Mana was alive and had to choose, who would it be? You or Neah?" The cold thought came and Allen tried to ignore it. It was cruel to even consider such a question and it made no difference... Mana... Mana was dead. Damn it, even Raz after telling of her remembrance had told Allen that, for her, all of this meant that Neah was also dead and he had realized that the intention behind those words had been to express her decision... She chose him.

He wouldn't be able to deny, but neither fully express, the warmth he had felt then. Not only for the intention but because he had never given much thought about how the state of Neah being inside him followed more a line of "possession" than being truly alive... And somehow, he wanted to hold to this idea, as it made it easier to think about his situation.

Now, sitting in front of him, Raz limited herself to look through the small window. For a moment, wanting refuge from his own mind as he would to poison, Allen opened his mouth... Only to close it again.

He couldn't.

Not yet.

"Breathe, c'mon... It... It will be alright..."

For an instant, his mind provoked him with the whisper of ideas of how things would be now if the past had taken a different road... If Neah hadn't betrayed the Noahs, what would have happened? Would humankind be already dead? Or that war would still be going on? And following this particular line, he imagined how it would have been if he had met Mana after becoming an Exorcist and how this would have played out...

"Well, I wouldn't have white hair and this scar..." He thought, but there was no amusement to it and he moved uncomfortably in his seat, feeling rotten inside. Telling himself there was no use, ever, in thinking "how would it have been if...", so all that was left was to focus in the present...

Sudden movement picked up his attention.

Raz had stood and changed seats, now at his side. Her hand found his. She said nothing, even when Allen looked at her, a little confused by the sudden gesture, her only response was a gaze that was a soft as her touch...

He sighed and squeezed her hand a little, using her as an anchor to not lose himself in thoughts he didn't wish to have and felt his muscles relaxing a little... Slowly, the bitter waves inside him eased, though they were still there… For a moment, like a child, he was assaulted by the wish of lying down and curling at her side.

That lasted until the carriage stopped in such a way that Allen instinctively knew they had reached their destination and the man opened the door for them. Allen took his time paying before turning to the park's entrance... This time, it was his hand that sought Raz's.

It was easy to see the circus, even from where they were... The colored lights created an aura in the night. Which would attract people as a sensorial promise of fun were to him cold fox-fires that appeared among graves... He couldn't help but to want to leave.

He took a deep breath. No, no, it was their better and only clue, he and Raz hadn't come all this way just to turn around.

Raz stood at his side and the boy knew she was waiting for him to decide. It made him wonder what she would say if he decided to leave and shook his head, trying to regain self-control, hating how his bones felt.

"Well... Let's go..." He muttered. And despite the sensations, they walked towards the lights, their ears quick to pick up the sounds of conversation and laughter... The blurred figures among the shadows of the night became more distinct and they could make out the colors, faces of people walking around, the stands...

Allen allowed himself a moment of surprise at how things could change due to the passing of time. The circus stood in the center of the park, on an area clearly meant for such things and surrounded by an iron, tall fence.

The main tent still stood in the middle of it all, pointing to the sky and seeming actually a lot bigger than what Allen remembered, stripped of red and white. People gathered in small crowds near the smaller booths and the laughter around denounced they were fair games. They should stay open for a while after or before the show, he supposed...

The night breeze made it so that the air wasn't so hot, even with the people around, and it carried around scents his body still remembered even after so long and that pecked his mind with memories... The circus was doing pretty better now, to have booths with food and prizes like this. Here and there, there were colors to be seen and shapes, be of animal balloons, be the posters announcing what the show had to offer or the fat letters above the stands, calling upon people to play. Laughter floated around...

Among all this, Allen thought he was going to puke.

He wanted to leave, he didn't want to meet those people, he wanted to go away...

"Hey, what do you think?" After all, Raz had never seen anything like it. The girl turned to him upon the question and shook her head so slightly that it was almost unnoticeable. All her senses were being attacked at once and there was too much to feel, to search and see, and she would have been lying if she said that it wasn't impressive. It was hard to focus attention on just one thing, there was music, people playing, it was hard to ignore even though she could see Allen was hating it.

"It is..." A shrug told him she was unable to fully define it and Allen caressed her hair, as to tell her he understood and gestured towards the main tent with his head. He would have liked to tell her something, anything, but there was nothing in his mind. He just wanted to see the ringmaster (would it still be the same man?), find out the details of where he had been found and leave...

"How many of the old troupe still work here?" The thought brought him no nostalgia, only cold. The sounds around were ice cuts in his ears. Was Cosimov still alive...? Was he…?

They sneaked inside the tent, ignoring that it was clearly not open for the public yet, the scent of sawdust strong in the air along with the treats the audience would often buy. There were some people there, obviously getting the last details ready for tonight's show...

"Why are those dogs wearing that?" Raz whispered upon seeing four white dogs in the circus ring, wearing what looked like small coats of red and blue, adorned with white lines that were silver dust.

"Well... It's part of the presentation. You know, sometimes they dance on top of balls and things like that..." As if emphasizing Allen's explanation, one of the dogs jumped to a yellow and blue circular stool, standing on its hind legs, turning around in small jumps. Raz just frowned.

"What this has to do with anything?"

"Some people think it's cool to see them doing more complicated tricks. At times there are lions and tigers, too, so..."

"That I get, what I don't get is the clothing." It seemed rather silly to dress up a dog like that. And sort of useless as well. And perhaps it was because she was not really human, but she couldn't see the appeal of making a wild animal act in a determined way for human entertainment…

"It's part of it..." Allen started again, but Raz tilted her head to the side, in the way she always did.

"Isn't the focus of it the tricks?"

"Yeah, but it's a more aesthetical thing..." He wasn't sure anymore of how to explain, even more with his senses being like they were now, and he wondered what she would ever say if she saw horses or tigers jumping flaming hoops. He had never shared the shine in the gaze of the spectators for those presentations, perhaps because he had seen the training involved... He had learned earlier how to get the animal to do so frequently meant it should fear the tamer more than the fire...

Wait...

This made him frown. For what Allen recalled, the circus where he had grown up wasn't the sort to care for the well-being of the animals, but the young man that was with the dogs wasn't yelling or branding a whip. When one of the dogs jumped to him, there was no insult or anger, he didn't kick it or…

"Sorry, children," Someone said at their side. "But the show will start in an hour, so..."

The clothes were all Allen needed to identify the man as the ringleader, and he was surprised to see it was not the same person he recalled… But not so much as he was to see the man had gentle eyes.

"Excuse me..." He started hesitantly, unsure if it was disappointment or relief that was being born in him, realizing now that he hadn't ever asked about the circus' name. "Is this the Garvey Circus?"

The man frowned under the lustrous top hat that reflected the lights, a single white-silver strap around it. His eyes were of an impossible blue, contrasting with the black hair that fell on his back on a ponytail.

"I think you're mistaken, young man." He replied, placing his hand on his chest and giving them a smile, his voice gaining a melodic voice. The swallow-tailed coat was deep red and open, showing a white shirt. The interior of it was black, adorned by silver lines that made spiral-like figures, which repeated at the end of the sleeves. "I am Ben Hanscom, my young friend, the ringleader of the Nuit et Etoile!"

Allen felt a chuckle in his throat, not because the presentation was exaggerated (it wasn't) or because he found it ridiculous (he didn't), but because his tension had vanished with those words. He felt washed inside. And he didn't know how to react or even what to truly feel... He passed his hand through his hair, unable to contain a smile.

"Sorry... We're searching for someone who works there." Raz said. "Do you know of it, sir?"

The man thought about for a moment.

"I do know quite some other circus, yes, you end up hearing about them when you're in the business, of course... Garvey... I'm not quite sure, when was the last time you were there?"

"A couple of years..." Allen muttered, hand going to his pocket to pick the button, wondering if Mana had ever been in this particular circus. The name wouldn't help very much, especially if he had been using another alias, but perhaps the button would? It wasn't a common one, after all... Even more with that design…

"Sometimes a troupe may decide to change the name and if it has been long..." Ben commented in a warning that he wasn't sure. "However, I think I've heard about this one. Sometimes we learn of each other's routine to avoid trouble." Not that it always worked, but Ben would always prefer to avoid conflict if possible, be with whoever it was. "It has been months, but... Unless I'm very mistaken, they were going through some cities more at South... Perhaps they are around there, somewhere like London..."

"Do you... Do you know of a traveling pierrot, sir? He used to make presentations with a dog, sometimes..." Allen showed the button to the man, who studied the emblem engraved on it. "He wore buttons like this one..."

Ben Hanscom evaluated the object as he tried to search in his memories for wanderers who had joined them for some time. It wasn't as uncommon as one might think, especially in hard times... But he shook his head.

"No, I don't recall anyone like this... I'm sorry."

This time, Allen wasn't touched by relief like before. But then again, the chances of this man knowing Mana had been a lot lower than of him knowing his old circus.

"That's okay... Thanks anyway..." He placed the button back in his pocket and exchanged a glance with Raz. Perhaps they really should go around London and the cities nearby.

It meant a long trip.

Ben took notice of this exchange and at once went back to the melodious voice and the smile he reserved to charm the audience.

"Do not fret, my young friends, do not fret." He took his hat off with a flourishing movement of quick fingers, bowing. None of the teens could help a feather-like sensation coming to birth, for that man's smile could really be soothing. "You only have to rest and remain strong in your resolutions, after all, nothing is achieved if you don't try!"

Still bowed, the man looked from one to the other, blue eyes shining as he showed the empty hat before taking a black wand from it.

"I suggest both of you rest and relax for now." A wave of the wand and a red spark appeared in the end and, for a while, left a trail when the man waved it around, making it seem there was a magical light dancing alive. Though he knew such tricks, Allen found himself appreciating it.

A new wave and the spark died out. Mr. Hanscom lifted his finger to his lips in a gesture of silence when he whispered.

"And I can assure you, the Nuit et Etoile offers fantastic visions that you'd never imagine possible and wonders that you shall never forget." He bowed once more. "Sadly, you must wait until the correct hour when such secrets can be revealed to human eyes, but I ask that you have fun until then."

The effect was the desired one: Unless he was gravely mistaken, there was a softness coming to the girl's features and a light smile playing at the corners of the boy's mouth. They exchanged glances briefly before his smile grew.

"Thank you so much, sir." And nodded gratefully. "We believe it will be an unforgettable show."

"And you are correct!"

They waved before walking out of the tent, wishing him good night and Ben watched as they walked among the crowd, sighing. Being the owner of a traveling circus, he had seen many things in his long life, but there was never any enjoyment upon seeing stray children... Those two were obviously going around the world without truly having anywhere to go or to return... Ben wondered if they were siblings and for Heaven's sake, where were their parents?

"Thank goodness or what a pity?"

Allen didn't understand what Raz meant by that.

"What should I say?" She said softly. "Thank goodness or what a pity?"

"I... I don't know." And he truly didn't. "I mean... We aren't even sure we will find it in London, but on another hand..." He couldn't lie. Raz was about to comment on how this was their best shot at getting answers, be of his origins or of Mana, but decided against it as there was no need to remind him of what he already knew.

The question was... What they would do now.

"Want to check somewhere to stay? That man gave us the street of the inn, maybe we could go there?" It sounded good, they had been walking for a long time and even if they were used to it, it didn't mean a rest wouldn't be welcome. Taking all things into consideration, they also could use some calm hours to settle their emotions down...

Yet, now that he knew this wasn't the circus where he had grown up, Allen's senses processed the input differently. The lights no longer invoked an ill feeling, the air wasn't cold and the laughter wasn't mocking... On the contrary, the hues and sounds around had changed and became inviting. He thought about how he had enjoyed the little trick of Ben Hanscom, though he knew there was a secret little button at the bottom of the wand.

But he had still enjoyed it.

Why would that be? Was it because he had seen it as a spectator rather someone who worked in the backstage? Because he was relieved? Or...

"Or because we never have much time to just stop?" The reflection came to him as he watched a clown laughing to a boy while offering him a balloon that floated as a magic fruit. "Time to... Relax?"

In his mind, he saw several scenes at the same time. Lavi wounded. The Earl attacking in a narrow street. Chaozii and his cold eyes, all in a storm of blood and darkness.

"I have one idea!" He turned to her suddenly. "Why don't we just walk around a little and have a good time?"

Though she had been seduced by the soft river of colors around, Allen noticed she wasn't quite sure of herself.

"What about the money?"

"We have some set aside to spare, right? Besides, we don't need to exaggerate, just walk around, play a few games... Later I can try hitting some bars and we can do some presentations on the way to London." Giving her his own version of "evil smile", he whispered in a sing-song way, as if either sharing a secret. "C'moon, Raz... I know you've never seen anything like thiiis."

When she sighed with a shy smile, he knew he had won.

XxX

Allen recalled that when he was younger, he had no love for circus or the games related. It wasn't even due to living in the backstage, being untouchable by the supposed "magic" since he knew the machinations behind it, the truth behind the adorned animals and the procedures to build a world that looked beautiful to outsider's eyes... No, it wasn't that, but other motives that would poison any color and sound, turning everything into lies. Cheap trinkets to reflect the light in order to hide putrefaction.

Yet, now... It was so very different.

For the first time, he caught himself laughing when he watched people playing, stopping to see the posters that announced the presentations. His body was light and even his worries had, at least for now, retreated to the back of his mind. He explained to Raz some of the games that one couldn't understand by just looking and both played, laughing whether they won or not, stopping to see a clown making animal shapes with the balloons.

Allen lifted his face to the night sky, breathing the air that felt so anew to his lungs. The coolness was refreshing to the senses... At least this night, Allen thought, they could be just innocent...

No war. No worries.

"It would be great if we could do this more often..." He caught himself whispering before taking another bite of a skewer of meat he had bought, receiving a nod of agreement from Raz, who was currently chewing one of her own.

"Maybe we should try taking some time to just… You know, relax when we can." She whispered after swallowing. A pair of twins, wearing identical dresses, almost bumped on them and apologized quickly before running to a game of tossing rings, followed close by a woman who could only be their mother.

Allen smiled, it was rather cute to see children so excited.

The two of them, however, headed over to a stone bench under some trees, a little away from the stands now emptying and near the black fence, watching the people and the lights. It wouldn't last, soon they would leave, but those moments would suffice for now.

Even the games they had lost had been amusing, both of them teasing one another, though others had been too easy due to their training. Allen had lost at the tossing rings (and Raz had lost at the dice), but the target shooting had been (unsurprisingly) easy, earning Allen a little white fox plush, which he had given to Raz and was currently inside her backpack.

As they watched, the clown of the balloons made one in the shape of a cat, giving it to a boy who couldn't be older than five. He walked away with his parents, heading to the tent. Slowly, people made a line that started to shorten. Some children held their parent's hands, others seemed unable to stand still. A few of the booths started to close.

None of those people knew of the war hiding in dark corners of the world, battles that happened when they weren't looking. And all the best for them.

Allen looked back at the night sky that the lights seemed to want to reach. Yes, more moments like this would be nice. They were needed. The truth was, even back at the Order there were always fears and worries lurking around... Maybe the best years of his life, or at the most peaceful ones, had been with Mana.

"Hey, have you..." He smiled turning to Raz.

"Oh, are we having fun~?"

The colors died. The sounds faded.

As someone feeling a gun against his back, Allen's body refused to move, only looking with the corner of his eyes, unnecessary as it was to seek visual confirmation...

The Millennium Earl's mask was close to them.

Whatever freshness there was in the night was overpowered by the coldness he emitted.

Raz shivered, the hand on her shoulder stopping her from standing up. The touch had less intention of hurting than what she would have expected and that Allen was used to. The golden eyes didn't carry the insanity the boy had seen back on the street last time they had met, but they were not bereft of the intensity he had seen many times before.

It was enough to make his skin crawl.

Allen's eyes darted to the crowd. The people that were still out of the tent hadn't noticed the strange man in the shadows of the trees and others were too busy with the booths. And even if they did see him... Allen knew it wouldn't make a difference. The Earl could easily be taken as some performer of the circus. And after all, since when the Noah Patriarch had to worry about some humans?

"Now, I really wouldn't like to ruin your fun..." The Noah carried on with sincerity, his hands briefly pressing them backward, in a warning against running off. Raz's mind rushed, trying to find a solution, a way out, an idea. "But it's time to come back home, little ones!"

He spoke as a father enforcing bedtime to his children. When Allen slowly closed his red fist, the instinct to make use of Crown Clown, the fingers in his shoulder pressed the flesh in an immediate warning. The rustling of the trees nearby was quickly becoming the only sound other than the Noah's voice.

Raz's muscles hardened in a signal of resistance. Allen kept staring at the Earl with the corner of his eyes, with all signals of displeasure.

But neither of them knew what to do.

"Don't be foolish, alright? You both know better." The man said, his grin as wide as ever, aware of what was passing through their minds. All softness gone from his tone, he said. "Turn around."

Both passed their legs over the bench easily, in a way so they were sitting in front of the Earl. Their blood was thunder in their ears. The Noah Patriarch towered over them, not letting go of their shoulders. Even the lights, that had been pleasant a moment ago, became cold upon touching that mask, giving it a bone-like quality. Only the eyes were still alive.

"Living eyes in a dead face." Allen's mind sang with the insanity of fear.

"Stand up."

Without a choice, they complied, in silence.

Raz kept her head lowered, the bangs hiding her eyes, shivering visibly when she held her elbows, looking as if trying to make herself smaller.

The Earl noticed this.

"There, there..." The worse was, his tone was truly caring. He leaned to her as if meaning to make himself less intimidating. "We're just going home, everything will be..."

A flash.

A metal-like sound.

The Earl released Allen, raising his hand in the exact moment, holding the blade of his sword, dark matter threatening to break it. Behind the blade, the boy saw a glint when the Earl's eyes slithered to him. The hand holding Raz, who no longer pretended to be distressed, increased the grip. Spikes came from the ground as broken branches thundered down upon the Earl, pulled by black threads. His glasses were covered by darkness, yet it didn't seem to fool him.

The Earl didn't seem impressed, his Dark Matter blocking Allen's sword and shielding him from Raz's attacks. He charged at Allen, who pressed in response, using the Earl's strength as an impulse to jump above him. Raz twisted herself, leaning her hand on the ground to land a precise kick to free herself.

Both took off.

Allen turned his sword back into an arm, not wanting its light to denounce their position.

"What do we do? What do we do?" Allen knew, even together, they couldn't fight and win. Behind them, a sound that could be as much a snarl as a chuckle. "Oh, God, he thinks we're playing?"

It was like the last time.

They darted between two booths that were closer to each other, ignoring the looks of the last workers still closing them, turning left and left. The lights now were just the pale yellow left to shine the way, rather than to attract more people. Allen's mind rushed. When he had battled the Earl (three times, he realized now, more or less), he had barely been able to hold his ground. The man had been the one to leave, just because he couldn't bother with a battle at the moment.

"Damn..." Raz muttered when they hid themselves behind a small booth where, moments ago, people could get their faces painted. They looked at each other. Gate? Probably closed. Climb the fence? The only way, but they would likely be seen or heard. Find an area away from the lights, then. Climb. Leave. Okay.

Chances? Low.

Allen's eye grew red. He looked at the sky.

Of course the Earl would have brought them, even if he was more than enough.

"How many?" Raz asked, shivering like a leaf. Allen couldn't hear the souls at this distance, but he could notice them, dots in the sky. For all he knew, the Earl had told them to stay within range of his eye.

"Just enough…" He muttered. Several. "Ten or more."

What to do? What to do?

How had the Earl found them? How?

Raz crouched down and spied for a moment, before rushing to hide behind another small wooden booth. Allen followed her. They had to leave the park, but if they ran out in the open, they would be caught right away.

"Same if we stay!" Their nerves cried out. Run. Run!

Sounds came from the main tent, laughter, and sounds of joy. Loud music thundered. They mated with the cries of their blood. Never the idea of going in there crossed their minds, they knew the Earl would not care for witnesses or victims.

Just run. Get away. Run!

Allen's hand grabbed Raz's shoulder as he leaned to her. It was her heartbeat he felt or his own? Both crouched down. Glancing around, there was no sign of the Noah Patriarch. But he was close, they knew it.

It was too much. They couldn't stand it!

They got ready to run, to try to...

"WATCH OUT!" Raz pushed him away at the last minute. Allen fell back, the Earl barely missing him as he attacked from above. Allen yelled without thinking, stumbling to get up. The Earl turned his eternal grin to him, saying something his mind didn't bother to decipher. White wings came from above as the akumas attacked. Allen wasn't thinking, his body moved without his consent. There was a sound of something breaking inside his brain with this thought, yet, he could only keep running.

With the Earl coming between them, he realized he had gotten separated from Raz.

He looked around, trying to find her. Akumas laughed, swooping down. Claws barely missed his back, making him roll in the ground. He wanted to use Crown Clown, to fight, but there were too many, he was just one.

"Help us, please, save us, it hurts." Voices cried out, drowned by the laughter of the tent, by the thunder of the akumas' attacks, dust flying around when they hit the ground. The white fire of their movements seemed to burn the sky.

And fear ruled.

Raz ran, all of her an animal hunted. She tried to focus if there was something in her that would warn of the Earl's proximity, without success. Arrows of darkness charged from the ground, trying to keep one akuma away from her. Yet, their noise was not louder than that of the tent, but rather mating with it.

She hid under a booth of a shooting game, trying to look around.

"Don't move. Whatever you do, don't move." She told herself, against that part of her that cried out to run, to escape, to keep running. She glanced around. Akumas in the skies, one swooping down in search before flying higher once more. She was close to some house-like attraction, another booth at her side. Her hand covered her nose. Quiet, she had to stay quiet.

The akumas flew in the air. Level Four, all of them. The ground displayed marks of their attacks. She tried to search for Allen, but the akumas kept moving. She could no longer count them. Her eyes glimpsed the back of a yellow coat. He seemed to be checking one of the small booths, not having to worry about his own weapons. He was the only one safe in that Hell. The Earl stood straight again.

He turned. His attention on the booth she was hiding.

With no time for thought or choice, Raz slithered forward, rushing to the attraction at the side without thinking, only knowing she couldn't be seen, turning a corner and leaning against a wall.

"Breath, calm down… Breath…" Her hand slowly fell at her side, forcing her lungs to calm down. She realized she was in some sort of maze. It didn't worry her. She was about to glance around the corner to the door, but then it occurred to her… She could cross it. From outside, it looked small enough and the exit would likely be on the opposite side, meaning she would be closer to the fence and perhaps then she could climb it while using her shadows for cover.

"Alright... Alright... Leave this place, find Allen and leave!" She glanced back. No signs of anyone entering. If she could at least see Allen, send a signal somehow. Going out there again crossed her mind, but Raz decided against it. Without time to think about, to consider this idea, she had only one chance. She had to move on.

"Damn it."

Mirrors hung in a few of the dark-blue walls, reflections deformed. Other walls boasted pictures or statues being glass. It was an attraction meant for laughs or harmless frights. Not looking around, Raz pressed on. The figures she passed by grinned at her mockingly, eyes shining in the weak lights. The reflections following were twisted shapes of no meaning.

The sounds of outside were dulled down, becoming whispers. At a corner on the right, the wall joined the floor in a slightly cooked angle, enough to cause a curious sensation. Subtle manipulation in the game. Here and there, a few lights were out, those remaining pale, almost dying. Another crooked angle, this time more noticeable.

Her breathing felt hollow.

A pale beam of light above in a glass displaying a man with wolfish face blinked in disdain. Disdain for the peaceful moments of not long ago. At an intersection, Raz didn't have to stop. Instinct or the darkness or whatever moved her helped her to know the quickest path.

Stay calm.

She ignored a staircase and turned left. The mirrors were far in between now. Above the figures, lights were dead. The walls were pitch black.

Her body stopped without the mind's command.

There was something in here with her.

She turned right next, only now realizing the weight of the silence.

She stopped. Had she heard something?

Raz controlled herself. An attempt to confirm if there was anything there (oh, God, there was, she knew) would only denounce her location. Shadows grew in her hands, with no other purpose but to make her feel better, make her feel safe.

"Raaz~?"

Her nerves shattered.

In this place, to determine the source of sound proved to be impossible. Whatever gentleness there had been in her memory, she wasn't sure it had survived until today. Not when the Earl had acted so insanely the last (first?) time she had seen him.

"Come out, come out wherever you are~!" He called, in a sing-song way. Dread won against whatever warmth the Noah's instinct could cause. Slowly, she turned a corner, trying to look back. Useless. No signal of him except his voice, that echoed around her. She found herself wanting to press against the wall, as if it could hide her. "My dear, don't you think this game has gone far enough?"

Raz knew it then. The Earl had noticed her when his back had been turned.

He had just been playing with her.

Biting her lower lip, almost to the point of drawing blood, she moved against the ice that tried to hold her in place until she was found, walking faster, still trying to make no noise, to not denounce her exact location.

A low chuckle followed.

He was getting closer!

"This brings memories, does it not?" The question was laced with kindness, having the effect of knives, whether it was his intention or not. Her throat grew dry. Insanely, there was a longing, a wish to turn around. She… She wanted to hug him and to run away from him, all at once.

Upon receiving no reply after a few seconds, he sighed.

"Awww… I think not?" She couldn't tell if that was actual hurt or mocking. Still he approached. Still getting closer.

"Someone would always call us to play like this..." The Earl carried on, almost dreamily in his ow recollections. "You would run and hide... But in the end... I. Always. Found. You~!"

Raz looked around. Smooth, black walls. A few lights, dots of dead moonlight. She didn't wonder if this was his doing, or her own perception, no time to think.

Go. Run. Escape. Leave!

A broken melody echoed, devouring air.

Little lamb lost in the night
Tell me what makes you cry
Lost and hurt, all alone
Resting among tombstones

The mockery of a lullaby made her flesh crawl. It pulled the strings of her veins, both those who wanted to see the Earl and those who wanted to escape.

Her blood was thunder. A part of her heart seemed to beg her to surrender to her hunter, to end this, no matter how. It would be easier, easier than to deal with those sensations, with that fear.

"No! Easy. Don't let it win. You have to keep going!"

As you shiver in fright
Sweet red drips on white
And though if this can be so fun
Don't you know you cannot run?

She hoped the Earl being there didn't mean Allen had been caught already. No. No, he wouldn't! He was fast, he was strong. Her legs protested as she went faster. No more. Nothing around mattered but her escape, leaving, things would be easier once she was out.

But it felt wrong, so wrong to be so scared of him who was her family.

No matter where you go
Silly lamb white as snow
You can never truly hide
It's my shadow at your side

His voice was low, gentle, as if all of this was truly just a game.

Her hands bleed more shadows, covering themselves with an oily black. Around, black fog accompanied her. Raz didn't realize it, only aware that she was closer to the exit. Her legs ready to bolt, no longer caring for any noise she might make.

So rest under the moonlight
Close your eyes and don't weep
In my arms you shall sleep
Little lamb lost in the night

She didn't stop at an intersection, darkness sensing the dead end, taking the other. Breathing faster, she turned another corner.

Beyond a pale rectangle, at the end, the night air called her.

"Found you!"

She avoided him at the last minute.

A pair of golden eyes shone in the dark with a frozen smile.

The Earl stood in front of her, having taken another path sideways.

"It was rather fun, but let's end this game." She waited, ready to fight, but the Earl made no move to get closer, only leaning towards her. "It's alright, my dear~…"

Raz stood still. He wouldn't be fooled by another show of pretense like before. She needed something else. The hallway was large, but not enough to risk running past him. She had only one chance to do so without getting caught.

"Raz, please…" He insisted, extending his hand as if expecting her to approach, as if hoping to not scare her away. "Come...~"

Raz took a step closer.

She had not forgotten the tears behind that mask. She knew that pain, as well as her own. And she knew that, in his voice and in that hand, laid the only end to that dull ache of longing…

Because they were family.

They stared at each other.

"You know I don't want to hurt you..." They both knew it to be true. The Clan was not his slave, not beings that would annul themselves in favor of his desires. The only reason he would attack her now would be to weaken her. Never with murderous intentions.

And not if she agreed to follow.

She…

"I won't go back to that life."

He cocked his head. Silence followed.

"Oh?"

Shadows came to life.

They grew under her feet, helping her to jump over him. Black needles fell. The Earl recovered quickly. Strong fingers closed around the girl's ankle. She fell, nearly hitting the ground if it wasn't for the Earl's height. Her foot jerked in reflex, finding his face. The Earl groaned, but refused to let go, pulling and turning her like a doll, holding her arms in an iron grasp. Shadows, in response to their mistress' distress, became needles between their skins. Dark Matter gathered at the Earl's hands in defense, making her bite her lower lip. She leaned her weight down, before twisting her body upwards. Her arms, still in his hold, cried out in white pain. Her foot collided with his face, hitting his nose.

She was free.

Before she could run, the Earl tried to hold her again as he would with a fierce kitten. There was a black storm around them, yet the Patriarch was stronger. Raz tried to fight and bite, until one of her whips managed to hold the man's throat.

Moved by the instinctive response, his hands went up, freeing her.

Raz ran, her body throbbing with pain.

The man cried out for her.

She wanted nothing more than to turn around.

She wanted nothing more than to run away.

The black fence stood in front of her. Grabbing around, she climbed over it, fully aware the Earl was hot on her trail. She could hear the akumas as well when she jumped, darting among the trees.

Raz stopped under a tree. Only now she realized there was a coat of darkness alive around her body, helping her to hide. As long as she didn't venture under direct moonlight, it might be helpful.

Footsteps.

She crouched, seeing the figure of the Earl at some distance. Away from the lights, he was almost a shadow himself, easily taken as a creature that haunted woods and graveyards.

A white glint a few meters away called her attention.

Contrary to her, Allen was easily seen.

The Earl was looking around, calling for them, his voice as sweet as it had been when trying to calm them. The akumas were flying over the forest, some swooping down, slicing the top of trees in their search. She slithered towards Allen, surprised the Earl hadn't heard her heartbeat. He looked at her with relief. Shadows covered both as they kept crouching down. The Earl turned back.

Allen kept still, praying it would work. They were still out of the Noah's sight, this could work. It could.

If they just ran, they would be heard. Even with the mantle of shadows, they were bound to be noticed at a short distance…

Raz was assaulted by an idea. It was ridiculous, but it was better than nothing. Slowly, as if just by breathing she risked discovery, she took off her shoe with her foot. It was wrapped by a black tendril… it was slowly dragged, just a few inches above the ground to make no sound…

And it was thrown against a tree.

Even with the cries and trees breaking, that particular sound, resembling a person falling, seemed to carry on above it all.

The Earl seemed to hesitate.

"Please go, please go, please go…"

The Earl turned. And started to walk away, gracefully despite his build, making no sound, a hunter in the night. Allen hurried up, close to the ground. There were flashes of white when the akumas swooped down again, not resting in their search. He could almost hear cries or screams close by.

They knew the trick wouldn't make a difference, they had just a few extra seconds. They ran, doing their best to avoid moonlit areas, stopping when they realized an akuma flying down to inspect the area before taking the skies again.

There was a sound behind them. Even with the growing distance, they knew the Earl had once more given chase. And this time, in the right direction.

"Faster, c'mon!" Allen told his own body, neither of them caring now to what happened around, running in a straight line. His heart gave a jump of relief upon seeing the park's exit. There were people gathered there, pointing at the sky and he recognized police uniforms from afar.

"RUN!" He cried out by instinct, unable to stop himself. "You need to leave, now!"

They didn't stop to explain, most people seemed to not heed the warning. They ran towards an area on the street with a few carriage cabs, not unlike the one that had brought them there.

Hey, what a…" The man exclaimed in anger and surprise when Allen opened the door and Raz went inside in a hurry that only fear could inspire. "Hey, what's going…"

"Please, take us to the train station! As fast as you can, I pay!" Allen didn't wait for an answer as he closed the door. The Earl was close, too close, what if he had seen them entering the carriage?

"What the hell? Why are you…"

"Our mother is dying! Please, help us!" Raz yelled, leaning outside the window, not needing to pretend the despair in her tone. The man grumbled something, but wouldn't refuse payment and shook the reins, making the horse started a trot that soon became as fast as it was allowed.

Neither of them dared to open the curtains or to look outside.

They only prayed they would be able to leave.

Ana: I am so sorry I took so long with this!

Wisely: You should be sorry about how lame it was. What a letdown!

Ana: Will you ever have something nice to say to me?

Wisely: When you stop letting those two escape, yes.

Allen: It would help if someone wasn't so creepy all the time! Really, what was that with the song?

Earl: Raz knew it, I thought it would help.

Allen: Help her with what? New nightmares?

Ana: I know those lyrics were probably very lame, but I tried my best, as I have less experience with poems/lyrics than with prose. I wrote them while having in mind the melody of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" of the Dead Space game.

Alison: Somehow, nothing of it comes as a surprise to me…

Ana: I also made a tumblr account, on the suggestion of some people on Deviantart and a reviewer.

Tyki: I doubt anyone would be interested…

Ana: You guys are always a punch in my self-esteem, you know?

Tyki: You're welcome, baby ;)

Ana: … If you ever call me "baby" again with that expression, I'll make sure you won't have any.

jy24: It wasn't this time yet, but believe me, they can't run away forever.

Allen: Watch us…

Earl: You both should just give it a rest. Are you scared that I'm going to punish you? I admit I'm quite irritated at what you did, but I assure you…

Raz: … He thinks we're running off because of that?

Allen: Oh, yeah, sure, we have no other reasons…

bibliophile030: Well, whatever their relationship was in the past, this is bound to be at least interesting.

Raz: I'm not sure I want to meet her…

Wisely: Oh, dear, why is that?

Raz: Geez, maybe because of the things I've heard about her?

Wisely: … Point taken.

Road: HEY!

Wisely: You did pierce the Walker boy's eye with a sharp candle, Road. So…

Road: That was a long time ago! Give it a rest.

Ana: I've always seen that while Allen is moved by compassion and a desire to protect, Chaozii is moved by hate and revenge. In a way, they are two sides of the same coin.

Raz: … I should have controlled myself better.

Tyki: Are you listening to yourself? You should have ripped the skin off his bones! We really need to reeducate you, my dear.

Ana: Aww, thanks! You have no idea how happy it makes me that people like her, I honestly put effort into making her and the other OCs!

afc: Even some people who knew Allen, such as some Finders, have turned their backs on him. Yet, the ones that truly know him, still believe in him. I'm glad that you find the reactions realistic, as I consider them crucial in story-telling. And yes, I'm with you, Wisely turned into quite a fun character.

Wisely: I'm flattered!

Allen: You guys like the Noah because you don't have to deal with them…

Ana: Well, of course!

Allen: You have no shame.

SeventhStar 23: THANK YOU! I may sound mean, but this is what I was going after! And I'll confess, reading you considering Raz a cinnamon roll was great! I'm happy she can cause such reactions and that people warmed up to her. As for Elana…

Elana: I just felt it would be wrong to not do anything about it what she did.

Lauren: I dunno, Ela, she was already pretty down about remembering the whole thing.

Ana: Maybe there is no absolute right way to deal with such things, who knows? Character song? Hm… I haven't thought about it, but it makes sense. As for who put her in that room… Not spoiling anything! And the relationship Mana and Neah had with the Earl… Yes, like I said, they aren't part of the same being, but I used a theory I had before the newest chapters were released.

Chaozii: If he is walking around with Noahs, it means he turned against us! He is an enemy now!

Ana: Oh, shut up. That's why no one likes you. Haha! REALLY? Great! I was aiming for this, and yes, this is her not using her full potential.

Lauren: "Holy shit" indeed…

Ana: I agree, no one would care if she killed Chaozii right there, but I still need him for the story, so… We'll have to put up with him. Sorry, but the Earl didn't kill him… Though he would surely deserve it.

Chaozii: Why is everyone against me?

Raz: I don't know, Han, I think you're the one who provokes that reaction.

Chaozii: Why, you little…

Road: Finally, indeed! How long I waited!

Ana: Well, who knows? It depends on how their relationship was before all this mess, right?

Neah: Oh, they were both…

Ana: NO SPOILERS! You're not being mean, a lot of people are actually cheering for them to get captured to get more interactions like those. And it's not just in this fic, many people whom I talk to also want Allen to be captured in the manga… I confess I thought that would happen when he met the Earl.

Allen: What do you all have against me?

Ana: We love you, but it's just that it would be so cool to see that happening… Wow, Raz is getting popular! Well, as for Wisely…

Allen: I'd rather see her with Kanda!

Ana: Oh, don't go all "protective brother", okay? Yeah, I was sleepy and the word wasn't working, so I had to use a program that didn't have a good corrector. I'll revise it when I have time, promise. Hope you like my tumblr, it was a cool suggestion!

Well guys, this is it! Hope you have liked this chapter! 'Till next time!