Day 06: "Declined"
On Friday evening per my usual routine, I trudged to the Urameshi apartment with a bag of the family's clean laundry slung over my shoulder.
My family had the unusual luxury of owning our own laundry machines; sort of a necessity when your clothes all start to smell like ramen after a while, plus we had a boatload of aprons and uniforms to launder each month to keep the restaurant staff looking nice. Doing the laundry of the Urameshi family just sort of… happened as a result. It wasn't like Yusuke could be bothered to do it, after all, and Atsuko was too drunk most of the time to remember she needed to smell good if she expected to bum free drinks off of the businessmen downtown. Ever since I'd first met Yusuke—that boy with the dirty clothes and grime-streaked face—it had fallen onto my family to do the laundry, and thus the trend continued well into our teenage years.
Didn't mean I was happy about it, though. Yusuke was damn well old enough to do his own chores. But I knew him well, and that meant I knew he'd never so much as touch a bottle of detergent, so his laundry I kept doing, week after week after week.
That night, walking to the Urameshi abode as dusk descended like a cloak, the damp evening air coated my throat and nose with the scent of pollen and growing things. Ever since their last place had burnt down, Atsuko and Yusuke lived in a nice high-rise building in a better area of town than before, and that meant an abundance of landscaping and nice parks. At least the walk to their place was pleasant enough, even if doing their laundry wasn't. As I climbed the stairs to their apartment, I reasoned that I should be thankful for small favors, and with renewed vigor I turned the key in their front door.
The place was dark, but I knew my way around. After slipping off my shoes in the genkan, I walked through the living room toward Yusuke's room without pause, intending to fold and put away Yusuke's clothes in the chest of drawers in his room—but as I passed the couch, a low rustle filtered through the quiet atmosphere. I froze and tensed, hefting the laundry bag like a fluffy weapon as I fumbled for a light switch along the wall…
"Keiko?" a familiar slurred just as I flipped the switch. "Izzat you?"
I let out the breath I'd been holding with a sigh. Atsuko lay draped over the back of the couch, staring up at me through hazy eyes. A half-empty bottle hung from her limp hand (natch). As I dropped my heavy bag of clean clothes to the floor, she hiccupped and took a swig, clear liquid sloshing against cold class.
"Hi, Atsuko. Sorry I didn't knock." I glanced at the clock on the wall. "Shouldn't you be out right now?"
She blinked slowly. "Out?"
"You have that standing invite down at the karaoke bar on Fridays, don't you?"
She waved the bottle in a dismissive arc, blowing out a breath that ruffled her thick bangs. "I declined that invite," she declared with another hazardous wave. "Declined!"
"OK. Well, you have fun with your…" (I studied the bottle for a second) "… with your vodka." Grabbing up the bag again, I turned and started from the room. "I'm gonna go fold these clothes…"
Atsuko kept talking as if she hadn't heard me, and perhaps she hadn't. "Cuz I had somethin' better to do!" she called after me, bottle sloshing a second time. "I need t' talk to you."
I stopped. Turned. Atsuko continued to hang over the back of the couch, not budging from her spot, but suddenly she looked… different. Her eyes had sharpened, drunken haze abating just a tad and for reasons I did not quite understand. I held still when she raised her bottle of vodka, watching as she uncurled her index finger from around its neck and pointed it at me.
"I get it now, y'know," she said. "I get it."
"Get what?" I asked.
"'Splains everything," she slurred. "'Splains why you were never hard on me."
I knew what she was talking about, then. I knew deep in my gut that she was talking about my secret—the secret she had witnessed come uncorked, spilling out into the world like an overturned bottle of wine, dark matter staining everything it touched. I put the laundry on the floor, watching as she lifted the bottle to her lips and drank, deeply.
"Atsuko," I said, but she lowered the bottle with a flash of her dark eyes.
"Shut up," Atsuko said. "Shut up n' lemme finish." She took a breath that shook, running her free hand through her long, silky hair. Each word came with great effort, lucidity a battle in her drunken state. Looking right into my eye, she stated: "You never judged me. You just looked at me like… pity. Like you pitied me." She bared her teeth. "Which sucked. I hated that. You never acted like a kid, n' inside, I felt like…"
And just like that, tears brimmed in wide eyes, lips trembling… but I didn't tell her to stop crying. I didn't tell her to wipe her tears away, or that she had no reason to cry.
After all, I understood tears quite intimately.
"We never really grow up," was all I told her. "We just get better at pretending."
She huffed, dragging her hand through her hair again. "I've never known how to pretend." The tears faded in the wake of her smile. "You… you take care of Yusuke, dontcha, kid?"
I nodded. "I try to."
"Like a mom," said Atsuko. "Or a sister, maybe. A big sis. Onee-san."
She lifted the bottle to her lips. Paused. Lowered it again, sip untasted.
"I could never do that," Atsuko said, staring darkly at the bottle. "Used to embarrass the fuck outta me, havin' a kid take care of my kid. But now… now I get it." She raised her eyes to mine once more. In them shined… acceptance. Contentment, maybe. That light continued to burn when she emphatically repeated, "I get it."
"What do you get?" I asked when she did not elaborate.
She pointed again, staring down the length of her finger at my face. "Fate herself walked in the door on that island," Atsuko slurred. "N' I think Fate's who made you walk through my door." A happy smile eased the lines of worry on her brow, face appearing young again—as young as Atsuko still felt inside, I sensed. "Fate was lookin' out for me, puttin' you in Yusuke's life like that." A contented hum vibrated in her chest, musical and warm. "Fate took care of me, of you, of Yusuke. Fate took care of everything, huh?"
I didn't know what to say. Luckily Atsuko didn't need an answer; she already had the one she preferred. She just lurched to her feet, taking another pull from her bottle before she smacked her lips and grinned.
"I'm just mad you never told me what was up, you liar." Atsuko kneeled on and leaned over the couch to poke at my chest, inebriated expression sly. "I can keep a secret, y'know. Mouth like a steel trap."
"I think the expression is 'mind.'"
"Whatever." She ruffled my hair, still grinning, swaying precariously on her perch. "You're a good egg, Keiko. A good egg." Once again she staggered to her feet. "Now if you don't mind, they'll be missing me down at the karaoke bar."
Atsuko didn't so much as look back. She just swayed toward the door, drained her vodka bottle, and tossed it over her shoulder before swaggering into the night.
After the door shut behind her, I—the lucky child who wasn't a child at all, placed into Atsuko's life by Fate—padded dutifully to the bottle on quiet feet and placed it gently in the trash.
The one big reaction to NQK's secret that we didn't really get in Lucky Child was Atsuko's. Just… never felt like there was a moment for it. I think she might've been kind of angry/embarrassed at first, but then she'd just feel relieved that all those times she left Yusuke with Keiko, he was actually with some form of an adult and not another child who was somehow more capable of being a caretaker than she was. A bit self-serving, but still. I think Atsuko is quite aware of everything she's put Yusuke through, and Keiko's presence (both in canon and in LC) helps her feel like less of a failure as a parent.
A lot of people still read the beginning of LC and say they think Atsuko is a bad person, but I really don't think she is. She was a child having a child, a baby having a baby, and she turned to alcohol to cope. The world was not kind to her. I think we should be kind to her, instead.
Hope you're all still reading! Thanks to those who commented on the last chapter. This one's dedicated to these fine folks: C S Stars, Kaiya Azure, xenocanaan, cestlavie, buzzk97 and a guest!