Hello :)

After long summer holiday I am finally back, and this time with a new story! I am not exactly sure how I got this idea, but I wanted to try and write something different, something like this. I don't know how often I will be able to post, knowing that school year is going to start in two weeks, and this year it's going to be busy, since I am in a 12th grade. But I will try my best :)

As usual in my stories, I make changes in my Grey's Universe. This time I decided that Meredith is older than the rest of her friends (in original script it's written that she is 32, and I like thinking that is 5-7 years younger than Derek, instead of 12 or 13). There will be also some other changes, but I won't tell you about them, because that would make everything boring.

AND THIS STORY IS WRITTEN FROM MEREDITH'S POV!

SUMMARY: Meredith and Derek have been together for a long time, but when his disease comes back, everything changes.

PART ONE (STEAMY)

Ten years. We have been married for ten years, and it has been the best time of my life… Until today.

"What are you thinking about?" Asked my husband. We were walking hand in hand through our forest and enjoying the last vacation day together. Two days ago we returned from Australia where we celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary and my thirtieth birthday and spend three amazing weeks relaxing and spending time together. Neither of us wanted to leave Australia and come back to Seattle, but we had no other choice. Work couldn't wait, and our vacation was ending. Being a fellow neurosurgeon and your husband being a head of neurosurgery made things a little complicated.

I turned my head and looked into his blue eyes. "Our vacation… I am not ready to work again. I love being a surgeon and saving lives, but being away was fine too, especially with a handsome man like you by my side."

Derek let out a low chuckle and wrapped his hands around my tiny waist, pulling me into his warm embrace. Our chests were pressed against each other, and I wrapped my hands around his neck and into his dark hair. "I will miss having you in my arms all day… but we can make sure that you stay home for some time in a few months."

"Derek – "

"Meredith, we have talked about it." He stopped me from saying anything. "You have drank the medicine and got shots to treat your condition. The doctor said that everything will be alright." Derek took my face in his arms and wiped away a tear that had escaped my eye.

Two years ago I had a miscarriage, but nobody besides me, Derek and my doctor doesn't know about it. The pregnancy was unplanned and sudden, and we learned about it only when we lost the baby. The doctor said that I had been pregnant between three and four weeks, but she couldn't be sure, because I had a complete miscarriage. The news were painful to us, because both of us want kids someday, and with additional examination the doctor was able to say that I had hostile uterus.

I received a treatment for my condition, and my doctor told that we can try again, but the fear inside me didn't allow doing it. Every time he brought a subject up, I dodged the question and said that I was a resident and that it is hard to be a mom and resident at the same time. I didn't want to end up like my mother in the earlier years of my life, but I also didn't want to get my hopes up and lose the baby. I am afraid of not only losing another child, but also of losing Derek.

"I'm afraid." I said and turned my head away. I couldn't look at him, because tears were treating starting to fall, and I didn't want to be a sobbing mess.

"I am afraid too, Meredith, but we can't be afraid all our lives. Yes, we lost a baby, but the next time everything will work out."

"You don't know, Derek."

"I know in my heart that everything will work out fine. You have to trust me."

"And what if not?" I looked into his eyes, while tears fell down my cheeks. "I am not ready to lose another child… and you."

He took my wet face in his arms and pressed a light kiss on my forehead, before taking me in his arms. "You won't lose me."

"How can you be so sure?"

"We have been together for twelve years, ten of them married. When I first saw you in that café, I knew you were the one for me. My heart has always been beating for you, only for you, and will until the day I die. You are my everything, and I will always love you, Meredith, no matter what… even if we don't have children, but I want to try. I want to have a little Meredith running around the house and laughing."

"Or little Derek." I added and we shared a smile. "Or maybe a little Meredith and a little Derek."

I pressed my head against his chest, and listened to his heartbeat. I didn't want to let fears eat me from inside and take away my dream of becoming a mother, but it was hard. I would leave my work for our child, become stay at home mom if it's needed. I would do everything, even if I had to die.

"I don't want to lose you, Derek. I am afraid that if something goes wrong, you will leave me for someone who can give you children."

"Meredith, look at me." And I did it. "I will never leave you, do you hear me? I. Love. You. And. I. Am. Not. Going. Anywhere."

"Promise?"

"Promise." Derek pressed a light kiss on my lips and wrapped me in his warm hands.

"I love you, Derek, so, so much." I said and turned around in his hands to look at the view in front of us. We had stopped in front of the waterfall with big rocks around it. It was our small secret, our sanctuary, our paradise. When we get tired of everything and need a moment for ourselves, we come here and spend a few hours swimming, laying down and listening to the silence around or simply thinking.

We came here when we lost the baby. We sat here for hours, in the silence, and with a million thoughts running through our heads. Only when the sun was setting down and the forest started falling into the darkness, we went back home.

I got out of Derek's embrace and walked towards the waterfall. It wasn't big, but a few inches higher than Derek. Behind it was a small cave, big enough to fit three people. With my hand I touched the water to find out how warm it was. It was warm enough, so I took a step back and started taking off my clothes. At first my jacket, then t-shirt and shoes. Derek's warm hands wrapped them around my hips, and I was pressed against his bare chest.

"That was fast." I laughed, knowing that Derek had started taking off clothes at the same time as I was. He kissed my bare shoulder and started undoing my pants. He pressed his left hand against my panties and I moaned at the sensation. Derek started to rub me though the lace material, and I tried my best not to moan. His free hand cupped my breast and squeezed it.

"Derek…" I whispered, and moaned when he bit into my shoulder and put one finger in me.

"I want to hear you." He moved his hips behind me, and I was able to feel his hard member through our jeans. Derek put another finger inside me, and started trusting them in and out, while massaging my clit with his thumb. My hands found way to his hair, and at the same time Derek pulled my breasts of the lace bra.
His fingers moved in and out of me, brushing against my walls and bringing me closer to my orgasm. When he pushed third finger inside me, I almost saw stars.

"I am close."

"Let it go, Meredith." He whispered in my ear, and pinched my nipple with his fingers. "Let it go."

Three trusts later I came. My juices spread all over his fingers, and all I saw were stars. Without letting my breast go, he placed my fingers in his mouth and sucked them off. Derek helped me to get out of the clothes that I had still on, and undressed himself. While I was coming back from my orgasm, Derek took my hand and lead us under the waterfall.