PART FIVE

Derek was laying on the bed in the exam room without his shirt, as we waited for Teddy to arrive. After my breakdown in his office yesterday, we talked and agreed that Derek should see the doctor. It wasn't possible last night, because Teddy had already left, but we managed to schedule an early appointment today. It was little after seven, and she will be here any minute.

"I am not dying, Meredith." My husband said, and I shoot him 'don't joke' glare from my chair across the room. As much as I loved when Derek joked, this wasn't the right place or time for it.

"Let's not talk about it." I stood up from my place, just as Teddy came in with a smile on her face. She was holding Derek's chart in her hands and finished reading notes.

"Good morning, Shepherds! How are you feeling today, Derek?"

"Hello, Teddy. I am good, nothing hurts, no shortness off breath or chest pain." While Derek spoke, I walked closer to him and stopped right next to him. Knowing that I was more nervous that he was, Derek took my hand in his and squeezed it.

Teddy asked him different questions – about his health, his pain, his sleep and about some other things that might help her to understand his symptoms better – and wrote down the answers. All the time I was standing and holding his hand, knowing that there was a possibility that his disease had returned. Something was wrong with Derek, and I hoped that it wasn't something serious.

"I will do an ultrasound to make sure that we get the right diagnosis, but I am sure that we all know what is wrong with Derek." Teddy put away his patient chart and pulled closer the ultrasound machine that was in the corner of the room.

"There is a chance that my heart valve disease has returned?"

"It isn't very common, but sometimes it is possible. I know that Dr. McQueen did an amazing job years ago and cured your disease, but with your symptoms it looks like it is back. Let's not make any fast conclusions and think about the worst, alright?" Teddy gave us a small smile, and Derek hissed when the cold gel met his warm chest.

I tried not to think about heart valve disease and the chances of him having it again, but I couldn't. Deep inside me I knew that it had returned, and he would need a surgery again, but I didn't want to believe it. He already had one heart surgery eight years ago that was supposed to help him, and it did for years. When I looked back at the screen, I tried to keep my tears from falling. His aortic valve wasn't closing properly again, and it meant that the disease was back.

DEREK

I didn't need to look at the screen to understand what was wrong with me. Before stepping in the room, I already knew that the disease was back. I am not afraid, because I have lived with it for years before I got the surgery to cure the disease when my condition worsened. This time also I am ready to have the surgery, because last one had helped to get rid of the disease for eight years.

Meredith, this was going to hard for Meredith. She was more worried and scared about me than I was about myself. I know how much my wife loves me and what has happened to her in her life – the loss of her father and brother, my disease and her almost dying four years ago when she was thrown in the cold water by a crazy patient and the loss of our child. She didn't want to lose another person in her life, and the thoughts about it scared her.

I looked at my wife that tried to hold her tears back and I wanted nothing more to take her in my arms and comfort. I squeezed her hand to get her attention, and our eyes met. "Everything's going to be alright, Mer." I said to her. "I am going to have another surgery if it's possible."

"What if it doesn't help?"

"Sorry for interrupting your conversation, but…" At the same time we turned our heads at Teddy who was watching us. She gave me a paper tissue to wipe away the gel and another tissue to Meredith for her to wipe away her tears. Teddy gave us apologizing smile, before she shut down the machine and took my chart in her hands. "I know that you both have a lot to talk about, but I would like to finish this conversation as soon as possible, because I will have surgery in twenty minutes."

"We understand you. Sorry for tearing up in front of you." Meredith said.

"It's alright." She smiled, and then turned at me. I was sitting on the bed, and wiping away the gel from my chest. "I assume you want to do the surgery, right?"

I nodded. "I have used different pills and lived a healthy life for more than twenty years in order to cure my disease or at least lighten some symptoms. When my condition worsened, McQueen did the surgery, and after it, I was able to live my life on fullest, without worrying about forgetting to drink my pills or pain that can come every moment."

"Alright then. I will call McQueen since he is your doctor and did the surgery, and then we will decide about the surgery. Until we talk, I recommend you to continue drinking your pills. If the pain or other symptoms worsen call me immediately."

"Thank you, Teddy!"

"I am just doing my job. I will see you in the hospital later." She said and left the room.

"Are you feeling well enough to work or do you want to go home?" Meredith asked, while I was putting on my shirt.

"I am feeling good. How about you? Maybe you should go home."

"No, I want to stay with you." I wrapped my hands around her body and pulled her in the hug. We stayed like that for a few minutes, comforting each other until my pager went off. It was a page from Mark saying that we should meet as soon as possible.

I kissed Meredith on the lips when, before I walked out of my office and went to look for my best friend. We had walked to my office and changed in scrubs, after the meeting with Teddy, and agreed to meet for a lunch in the office.