1A/N: Raw. I just looked at my stats for the first time in a while and I am shook. So, first of all, I got the most viewers or visitors or whatever, ever on a chapter, last chapter. That's really, really cool. And my other fanfiction bulletproof still gets visitors. Like quite a lot accounting for the fact that I finished that one a while ago.
Anyways. Got a few sweet reviews which I responded to on PM. U guys know who you are. As always, I appreciate you guys so much and would love to hear what you think.
I KNOW THIS IS SO LATE I AM TRYING BUT BLÆÆÆ I HAVE SO MUCH WORK. I had a 5-day vacation this last week (not this week but the week before) which was nice but now I'm behind with everything.
If you guys don't know how the Barton house look just YouTube the scene from Age of Ultron. The kitchen and living room are an open concept. The piano is immediate to the right when you walk into the room. Then the living room part with a sitting area. Then the kitchen to the left. Behind the kitchen table, it's a door. (yes there is I promise you can see it behind Natasha, and no I am not talking about the door on the same wall that Tony leans on, it's like behind her, behind her back ) and I have made a blueprint of the house and that door I am pretty sure that door should lead to the hallway under the staircase ish. Or like further down. Now, this actually makes sense because the way the kitchen and living room is made it implies it was a wall dividing the two before somebody (Clint) knocked the wall down. And how did they get into the kitchen before that? Well through that door. Just trust okay.
S-B
Natasha disappeared into the study again after dinner and didn't come out before Lila started crying when Natasha wasn't there to braid her hair. That was when she finally made her way out of her lair. Currently, Natasha was curled up on the couch with Clint playing with her hair while she was reading on her tablet.
"Scandinavia is weird," Clint said slowly as Laura noticed him reading over Natasha's shoulder.
"You know Scandinavia isn't a country, right?" Natasha said still not looking up from her tablet.
"Yeah. Sure, but like… It's still weird." Laura let out a small laugh listening to Clint and Natasha's silly conversation.
"You have no idea what it says do you?" Natasha says giving him the tablet. Laura watches Clint scan over whatever Natasha handed him and he grimaced.
"Ha! No! Part of me wants to believe it's German but it's not. It's weirder." Natasha laughs loudly before taking back the iPad.
"I've told you a million times you should try learning a few more languages."
"I mean most of us normal Americans only knows English" Laura chimed in with a small laugh.
"Well yeah. But you know Italian and he knows… what languages do you actually speak Clint?" Natasha said putting her work down.
"I speak 6 languages at the C level. English, Spanish, German, Italian, French and Japanese." Clint answered with a small smile.
"Swear I have heard you talk more languages than that," Natasha mumbled.
"You probably have. It's called pretending. I don't know if you know this, but a lot of people pretend, and lie-"Natasha hit him softly on the arm with a playful look.
"Shut up old man."
They fall into a comfortable silence. Natasha was is still cuddled up to Clint. Laura was sure most women would have been drowning in jealousy watching a Natasha Romanoff cuddled up in their husband's arms. But it was absolutely no sexual feelings between the two. It never had been and never will. Natasha has even admitted that in missions where they have to pretend to be a couple, they always have to make alias with crazy backstories, so it never is too similar to their own life.
"It's getting late, you should go to bed." Natasha broke the silence and looked at Clint with a serious look.
"Come on Nat. Don't push us away like that when you need at least as much sleep as us." Clint was the first one to protest looking at Natasha with a serious look.
"I need to finish this. You know I do. And I am fine." Natasha looked at him with a serious look.
"Fine," Clint said slowly standing up. He looked at Laura with a small helpless look before saying.
"I'm going to take a shower. See you soon." He looked at her, and Laura knew what that look that was. It was the look he used when he was frustrated with the kids saying please talk to her because I'm too mad right now.
Laura was left with Natasha who immediately picked up her iPad again. "Natasha please," Laura begged. Natasha already looked tired and staying up all night wouldn't help at all.
"Laur, I'm fine. And I just need to finish this before…" Natasha stopped when Laura moved over to her and dragged her into a hug.
"What is this for?" Natasha said leaning into the hug.
"Natasha. I know you. I've seen you at your best, and I've seen you at your worst. I just need you to take care of yourself. I saw you stumble earlier today. You seem tired and I don't want anything to happen. Please, Natasha. Please rest." Natasha looked at her with two almost sad eyes and Laura could feel her stomach clench.
"I'll think about it," Natasha whispered before she picked up her tablet and fell into a deep concentration again.
Laura was the first one to wake up the next morning. She didn't want to wake up this early, the sun hadn't even raised, but she really, really needed to pee. And already being awake and moving Laura decided it was no point of going back to bed. Instead, she slipped on an old hoodie before she walked downstairs. Laura's heart sank when she saw Natasha sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee in her hand and her eyes closed. Laura could already tell the woman was exhausted.
"Don't tell me," Laura said with an annoyed voice walking over to the counter to get a cup.
"Sorry," Natasha mumbled. She opened her eyes and her green eyes had lost all its usual fire and life.
"You okay?" Laura asked carefully. She looked at her from across the room. She seemed so small in the big hoodie she had on. It couldn't be hers, and it wasn't Clint's. Maybe it was Captain Rogers?
"I finished my work." Natasha ignored the question. Laura knew she did it on purpose and she wanted to know why.
"Okay. What did you find out?" Laura asked carefully moving over to the sitting area.
"Well, I don't know who is behind. Even if my one guess I correct I didn't bother to tell Maria. It's not important. My mission was to find out if it's necessary with a strike team in Norway. The answer is no. Maria didn't see any patterns in the targets so instead, she wanted to map out where the next move might be. But where is not a why. And why is where the answer lies. The strikes seem random. No pattern no way of guessing where he would strike next. I can understand why Maria was guessing Scandinavia. But if you looked closely at the targets there is a pattern. And geographically where doesn't matter. All of the targets were dreamers. Dreamers of something big in the future. With the possibility of making that dream a reality. Some of them were politicians. Some were scientists. Some were students with bright futures. As she said, some seem like civilians." Natasha took a long sip from her coffee before she looked at Laura again.
"The Nobel's winners could be a future target, but not now. It's too obvious. When the person strikes it's surprising. It seems random at the time. None of the targets were working on something big. They were simply enjoying their life. And the prime minister doesn't have any big plans for the future. But not worldwide. Norway is safe, for now." Natasha finished with a soft smile.
"So, SHIELD won't send a team then?" Laura said half relieved. If they didn't send a team neither Natasha nor Clint could be sent on said mission.
"Oh no, they probably will. I've told them they don't need to, but Fury likes to ignore me so they probably will anyway." Natasha said with a small laugh.
"When did you figure this all out?" Laura asked looking at the other woman.
"A few hours ago," Natasha answered calmly.
"Why aren't you sleeping then? It's still a few hours before the kids wake up and… and I think you need the sleep." Laura almost whispered the last part looking at Natasha with a worried look.
"I had… other things… on my mind." Natasha said with a small voice.
"I need some distraction and sleep is not the answer." She picks up a small thin leaflet handing it to Laura. It's old and dusty. She opens it and is surprised to find sheet music inside.
"I didn't even know we had this," Laura said with a surprised tone slowly browsing the pages. She didn't know how to read music. Or at least not well. Only the absolute basic.
"Yeah, I found it in one of your shelves in your study… and I just needed to distance myself a bit." Natasha's voice was weak, and Laura moved slowly over to her dragged her into her arms. She felt Natasha shift in her arms, and she wondered what made her so worked up.
Natasha didn't talk much after that. She spent most of the morning reading through the sheet music sometimes glancing at the piano. Sometimes she stopped and just looked out into nothing. Her eyes were heavy, and she would lose them and freeze for a second. What exactly was going on Laura didn't know. But it could not be a good sign. What really made Laura worry was when Natasha eventually gave up and laid down on the couch. She did say anything she just laid down with her hands covering her face.
Laura was just about to say something when she heard two pairs of feet running down the stairs. She didn't even have time to blink before Lila launched herself forward landing on top of Natasha making her yelp by the sudden weight.
"Oh my god, Lila," Natasha whined making both Lila and Laura stop in their tracks. "Sorry flower," Natasha whispered hugging Lila tightly.
Laura was still frozen when Cooper poked her side.
"Is Auntie Nat okay?" he whispered carefully watching his aunt. He had always been the more observing type, so Laura was not surprised her son picking up on her behavior.
"Natasha?" Natasha didn't look up she only hugged Lila with her eyes closed.
"Ookkaayy, I think we should start with breakfast now yeah? What do we want kids? Christmas eve breakfast is under your rule." Laura said desperate trying to change the attention to something else. Both of the kids were racing over to the kitchen followed by Laura.
"So dizzy…" Laura stopped and slowly turned around. Natasha was standing with her right hand resting on her forehead and the left supporting her on the wall.
"Clint. Honey!" Laura could hear herself yell after her husband while she slowly made her way over to Natasha, mumbling low to her.
"CLINT. Now please." Laura's eyes were still glued to the pale woman in front of her. She had no idea what was going on around her. She didn't know what Cooper was saying or Lila was doing. All she was focusing on was Natasha.
"Get them out of here, now!" Laura hadn't seen him enter the room, but she knew he was there. She knew was standing there looking at them before he hurried obeying his wife's orders.
"Natasha sweetie. Are you with me, Natasha?" Laura locked her eyes with Natasha trying to get her to look at her forcing her to focus on her. The woman's eyes rolled back into her head making her moan loudly.
"I…I" Natasha stuttered. Laura leaped forwards when Natasha stumbled grabbing her to make sure she didn't fall. The woman moaned loudly in clear visible discomfort.
"Sweetie, I need you to come and lay down on the sofa." Natasha continued to stay unresponsive instead just stumbling backward up against the wall.
"Natasha, I need you to- "
"No." Natasha interrupted closing her eyes throwing her head backward maybe a bit more forceful than planned slamming it into the wall. There was no way the spy did that on purpose. She didn't seem to be aware of her surroundings at all, yelping loudly when her head smashed the wall.
"Natasha I am serious I need you to please let me help you." Laura felt herself getting more and more frustrated. Natasha's head fell down on her shoulder and Laura could feel her struggle to stand up in her arms.
"Room." Natasha moaned low still leaning on Laura.
Laura had no idea how she was supposed to get the woman to her room. She could barely stand. She could call for Clint, but then the kids would be alone, and Clint might not even be able to help. "Okay" Laura only whispered back. Natasha looked at her with two blank eyes and Laura could tell how much she was struggling to focus on her.
Walking upstairs was a nightmare. Every step Natasha took Laura was sure she was going to faint right then and there. She could tell Natasha was screaming at herself to force herself to keep going. The spy let out a loud gasp the second they made it upstairs and Laura was thanking her past self for giving Natasha the room closest to the staircase.
The second Laura closed the door Natasha fell to the floor. She could hear herself scream as the woman in front of her fell with her eyes rolled up into her head. She was by her sides in seconds feeling her heart pumping wildly in her chest. The adrenalin in her body was eating her alive as fear mixed with all kinds of other emotions started to mix. This god damn woman had put away every warming her body had waved at her and Laura had to let her ignore all the red flags. And now the woman was unconscious on her floor.
The energy mixed with all her feelings and thoughts were overwhelming and Laura forced herself to start to count out loud to calm herself. A trick she used to tell the kids whenever they were worked up. "Natasha, sweetie," Laura whispered softly letting her hand glide over the pale face. She almost screamed again when Natasha let out a soft groan.
"Nat?" Laura said forcing herself to push away the worry in her voice.
"I…It's spinning." Natasha gasped again blinking while moving her head around desperately searching for Laura's face.
"Natasha, it's okay. I'm right here. I need you to take a deep breath okay. Listen to my voice." Laura mimicked the move inhaling loudly to let Natasha copy her before she exhaled. She listened to Natasha's shaky breath, but she reaped herself. Over and over.
Natasha was shaking violently gripping Laura's wrist squeezing it hard. Laura played lightly with her hair as the spy tried to calm down. Whatever was happening was not a good thing. This was not something she expected or something that had happened before. It threw them completely off-guard making Natasha pay the price.
This was one of the longest and worst days in Laura's life. Natasha showed no sign of getting better. If anything, it almost seemed to get worse. At one point it seemed to be better, only to make her run of the bathroom stumbling over the door frame and falling over the toilet leaving Laura to hold her hair and hug her from behind. It was painfully long minutes where everything the spy had previously eaten got forced out of her before she soon again fell to the floor again.
Laura didn't know how to treat her. She had no idea what this was or what caused it. She seemed disoriented and dizzy, falling in and out of unconsciousness. Sometimes it even seemed like she didn't even know where she was.
In between throwing up and fainting Laura had somehow gotten her onto the bed, and they were now lying on the bed where Natasha was resting in her lap. Laura had lost all track of time when Clint knocked softly on the door. Laura could feel the spy react to the sound, something she hadn't been able to do in a while. And she watched as Natasha turned her head carefully. Laura caught a glimpse of her glass-like eyes. They were filled with tears and an empty look making Laura's stomach twist.
"Hi," Clint said softly. He looked at Laura with a sad look waving her over. Laura slipped carefully out of bed leaving Natasha alone. Natasha's head fell on the matters, but the girl didn't even bother to move it, only lying there with an empty look.
Clint guided her out to the hall closing the door carefully behind them. Laura felt completely helpless, and when Clint hugged her, she felt her emotions take the wheel sobbing into his neck.
"Is Auntie Nat dying?" both Laura and Clint jumped away from each other surprised but the voice. Cooper and Lila looked at them with big eyes. Laura hadn't noticed or heard them. Guess their aunt and dad had taught them something.
"No, no, no." Clint shot in before Laura could, still shocked that her child even asked such a thing. "She is sick, but she'll get better," Clint said with a small sad smile. Still, he forced his voice to sound more confident than Laura knew he was.
"Why don't you take mommy downstairs, and after she eats something you guys can show her the gingerbreads we made?" Clint pushed her lightly. Laura wanted to protest. She wanted to go back to Natasha.
"Honey. It's almost 6 pm and you haven't eaten anything today. I know you want to stay with her, but you need to take care of yourself too. I'll watch her for a few hours okay?" Clint gave her a strict look. 6 pm. She had been with Natasha the whole day and she hadn't realized. Lila grabbed her hand and she only nodded before letting the kids drag her downstairs.
Clint had somehow made somewhat of a Christmas dinner. Surprisingly enough. The kids talked about the day they had with their dad making cookies and playing. Clint had done great keeping him and the kids mind off the obvious stress and tension from upstairs. Still, they seemed a little concerned about Natasha which didn't surprise her. They were allowed to care; she was happy they did. But right now, Natasha and she needed room without the kids hanging over them.
"I know this isn't what you guys imagined, but we're trying to make Christmas Day great as possible tomorrow right?" Laura said with a small smile looking at the kids. Cooper and Lila looked at each other for a second before Lila said.
"But what about auntie Nat?" Laura felt her heart sink. The kids were still young, but they weren't stupid.
"Natasha is sick, baby. She won't be able to celebrate just yet." Laura said with a soft voice. Her two kids looked at her again before Lila whispered.
"But I don't want to celebrate without Nat." Her eyes were teary, and Laura felt her heart ache for her two kids. This was not something she expected her little 4-year-old to say.
"Can't we wait. Wait to she gets better. It will only be a couple of days, right?" Cooper shot in looking at her with big eyes. Laura bit her lip unsure what to answer.
"Natasha hasn't celebrated Christmas ever with her family, I think we should wait." Cooper continued. With time with a lot more confidence in his voice. Laura was still shocked, but she nodded slowly. While she felt bad for not being able to give her kids the Christmas, they deserved she was incredibly proud of how mature they were.
The kids came to an agreement that they would wait to open their gifts until their aunt was feeling better. Both convinced it would only be a couple of days anyway.
"What did I miss?" Clint walked into the room and Laura shot around. Already she felt the anger and stress build up in her. How dare he leave Natasha. Okay she might be overreacting, and she might have some overworking hormones right now, but still, this felt incredibly wrong just leaving her.
"Guys go to the living room okay?" Laura said waving the two kids on their way. The second they slipped out the room Laura glared at Clint.
"What are you doing?!" She hissed. She was already more annoyed than she expected herself to be.
"She is asleep so I thought-" Clint started but she cut him off.
"Clint. She can't be without one of us there. If it gets any worse, we need to take her to the ER. She isn't able to stay away for longer than 5 minutes before she faints. Over and over again. What if she throws up and chokes on it? She threw up like 7 times." Laura's eyes teared up. Saying it out loud made it so real. How sick she really was. She could see Clint look at her biting his lower lip before nodding slowly.
"Okay. But I don't want to take her to the ER." Clint finally replied making Laura look at him before saying.
"Clint" in a warning tone.
"I know. But I don't think making her more stressed at the ER would help anybody. If it gets worse, we call after SHIELD or Maria. Okay?" Laura looked at him carefully before saying.
"Or Pepper!" She almost blurted out. The realization hit and she finally saw the two parallel lines.
"I'm going upstairs to her okay? Talk to the kids about Christmas morning. They don't want to celebrate without her, so I don't know what to do now." Laura didn't give him room to reply before she walked out of the room. She wasn't surprised when she found both Cooper and Lila in the hallway listening to the two of them talking. Instead of correcting them on eavesdropping she just looked at them before she continued upstairs.
Laura slipped the door open and her eyes immediately tried to find Natasha in the room. Her bed was empty, and Laura found herself half running over to the bathroom. Natasha was lying in the warm stone floor with her eyes closed and was breathing heavily.
"Nat?" Laura whispered sinking down beside the girl. Natasha opened her eyes slowly before she closed them again and only let out a small moan. She was completely unresponsive again, and Laura didn't know if it was because she was dizzy, disoriented or just too tired.
Knowing Natasha definitely wouldn't move now Laura turned around and walked into the bedroom again grabbing her phone from the nightstand. She walked slowly back into the bathroom while she scrolled through her contacts. It wasn't before she was back beside Natasha, she finally found the one she was looking for. Pepper Potts.
The sound of the phone call, waiting for it to be picked up was awful. It felt like a million years between she had tapped her screen till Pepper answered. In the meantime, Laura carefully played with Natasha's hair while she waited for the other woman to pick up. She had never talked to Pepper before. She didn't know anything about her other than what the news and the very few things Natasha had told her.
It felt like years before Pepper picked up. And when she finally did Laura didn't even know what to say.
"Hello? This is Pepper Potts." The voice on the other end was soft. She sounded nice but also a bit on the edge.
"Hi. This is Laura Barton. Natasha's…" Laura stopped. She had no idea what Natasha had said about her. Or if she even had told Pepper anything about her and her family. "Natasha's friend" Laura finally said.
"Oh yes, Laura. I've heard quite a lot about you." Pepper's voice was surprised but she seemed happy. Sort of.
"I am so sorry to call you now in the middle of Christmas, but I have a situation…" Laura bit her lip. She had no idea what to say or do.
"Is everything okay, Laura?" Pepper's happy voice got replaced with a worried tone and Laura could feel her stomach twist.
"Is she okay?" Laura almost broke down then and there. Looking at Natasha lying on the floor unconscious and white as snow. It was nothing about her that was okay. And now… Now Laura didn't even know what to say.
"Laura?" Laura got shaken out from her thoughts by Pepper's demanding and worried tone of voice.
"She fainted." Laura heard a small gasp from the other end of the phone but continued to stay silent.
"She told me she was dizzy. The second she got into her room upstairs she blacked out. Completely out of it. She had been on and off the whole day. Throwing up and struggling to breathe. And it just reminded me of the one time when she was at yours back a few years ago." Laura almost whispered. Her hand was still playing with Natasha's hair. It looked like she was just sleeping, but Laura knew that wasn't the case. It was so much pain behind what seemed to be just a peaceful sleep.
Pepper didn't say anything for a while, but Laura could hear her moving around. Heals walking on a hard floor. Then the sound of an elevator before Pepper said with a low voice. "Jarvis take me to my room please". Around 40 seconds later Laura heard a door close before Pepper finally said something.
"It does. It does sound like that." Pepper was stressed, Laura could tell even if she tried to hide it. It was filled with worry and Laura almost felt bad telling the other woman. It was no way Pepper could go back to whatever Christmas celebration she was at now. She didn't know if Natasha and Pepper was something official or what was going on between them. But Laura wasn't stupid. She had seen Natasha talk about the strawberry blond more than enough times to tell it was a lot of feelings between them. And Peppers tone only confirmed this suspicion.
"She did the exact same thing. She almost didn't make it into my apartment. And the second I closed the door behind me she fell together on the floor. I got her into my bedroom and the next time she moved she ran into the bathroom." Laura listened to the other woman. It was no doubt it was the same thing or whatever they could call it.
"Do you know what caused it? I mean right now she is just lying on my bathroom floor. And for the first time today I think she is sleeping." Laura said with a low voice.
"She seemed fine yesterday. Playing with the kids and everything." She added.
"No. She didn't really talk about it afterward. And even if she would have, I don't know if she knows the cause either." Pepper said. Her voice was low, and Laura could hear the pain in her voice.
"What happened afterward. How long did it last?"
"Long enough. I took Monday off to take care of her, and well you saw her a few days late. She was exhausted."
"And nothing similar has happened lately?"
"No. I mean she has been working a lot, but not really. She seems tired that's all." Laura could feel how much Pepper was worrying. Like she was beside the other woman looking at her she could feel the pain and stress. It almost made her relieved how much Pepper seemed to care. It meant Natasha had others that too cared about her.
"She is. Overworked I mean. She came to us in the middle of the night. And I could tell she was burnt out."
"That might be it then. When Natasha, or back then, Natalie, fainted we had just dealt with a lot of press for Stark Industries. She also mentioned she had been pulled out for a mission around the same time." Pepper stopped for a second before she continued very slowly.
"So, it might as well just be her body straight out dying or break down not being able to keep up." Laura stopped playing with Natasha's hair and just let it sink in. Natasha did get migraines when she was overworked, but she could never imagine her body do such a drastic and hurtful thing to stop her from whatever she was doing. It was clearly damaging.
"How is she now?" Pepper asked carefully. Laura explained everything and while she and Pepper talked, she felt Natasha's body relax in her lap. Pepper walked with her for close to two hours. They talked about Natasha, they talked about Toney, they talked about "Jarvis" interface computer system that sometimes interrupted their conversation.
Laura found a liking for Pepper and if it weren't for the circumstances, she would've loved to get to know her more. She seemed very down to earth, which made sense since she not only was dealing with Natasha's craziness, (which really wasn't bad, but you know superhero, spy, former assassin) and she was also Tony Stark's boss, sort off. She was running his company. She was running "the guy that decided to fly into space with a nuclear bomb into space's" company.
As much as she wanted to talk to the CEO the whole night just to keep something on her mind other than a very sick Natasha Romanoff, Laura ended the call at 9 pm. Natasha seemed somewhat better and hadn't woken up once since she fell asleep which was a significant improvement.
Laura could hear Clint fussing with the kids and around 30 minutes later he popped into the room. As much as both Clint and Laura wanted to say Natasha was better and just call it a day, they both knew that wasn't the case. Between the two of them, they were able to move her over to the bed after making the bed with a new pair of sheets and cover. Clint got a bucket in case she did throw up again, and Laura went down and made a thermos with boiling tea, which hopefully, would stay somewhat warm in case she woke up and needed something for her throat.
They didn't need to talk about how to arrange themselves. It was pretty obvious that Laura would stay with Natasha and Clint go back to the kids. They very rarely let them both sleep in their bed, but with Natasha so sick and Christmas somewhat ruined they let the two of them have a sleepover in their room if it meant two happy kids.
With Natasha curled up beside her and the kids' asleep Laura could only hope and pray that tomorrow would turn our better.
But of course, that was only a dream. Laura woke up with a whimpering Natasha and already Laura knew something was terribly wrong. Natasha never whimpered. She cursed and hit a wall if she was in any pain. And if that wasn't the case she just shut up and hid her pain.
"Nat?" Laura whispered. It was early in the morning, probably around 5 or 6 am and the sun hadn't even risen.
Natasha whimpered again and curled up while hiding her face in her hands. Laura already had a pretty solid guess on what was going on. If Natasha did have a migraine, she became incredibly light and sound sensitive and talking wouldn't help anyone. Still, Laura couldn't help herself when Natasha curled up in her arms.
"Jesus Natasha you're burning up!" Laura was almost a hundred percent sure Natasha had never had a fever or been sick as long as she had known her. Natasha has even said she "didn't have time for any of that nonsense, anyways." when Laura had mentioned it once.
Having a sick Natasha and two kids were more challenging than expected. Especially when school was out. Natasha didn't need 24/7 watching anymore, but they still needed to check up on her regularly. Unlike when she was bedbound when she got shot, Natasha now needed a lot more care. Whenever she was injured, she only needed one of them to patch her up. And when she got shot, she slept most of the day anyways. This time it was a lot more to it. Laura and Clint constantly needed to make sure she got food and water without throwing it up. They needed to help her if she needed to pee or in most cases throw up in the toilet and support her so she wouldn't fall. And more than once Laura found herself holding around a very stressed and upset Natasha, who for some reason, didn't seem to be able to control her feelings and emotions at all, which had to be the first time in like ever.
The kids needed just as much attention. While they held back on the Christmas day gift opening, they still wanted to celebrate somewhat like normal. The kids understandably wanted a Christmas dinner and they wanted both their parents to be there, and present. This meant both at dinner, and when they were roasting marshmallows in the fireplace.
Clint and Laura found themselves in a hard dilemma and by the third day of Christmas both of them were at a breaking point. Natasha didn't seem to get better and her fever had only gone up. She was completely out of it most of the day and she seemed to struggle even more to connect what was real and only in her head, being completely disoriented. Thankfully none of it seem to connect with her past, she was just confused about where and when. This still meant that Laura was spending more time in her room whenever she woke up.
Laura would never have called Maria if she didn't think this was an emergency and she was really, really, desperate. She knew Maria probably had a crap ton of work going on. She didn't celebrate Christmas, so she was probably working on something important. Still, she said yes to help, and Laura felt the relief just flood her when Maria walked up to the house mid-day.
"Oh my gosh thank you, Maria." Laura dragged the other woman into a hug. She could feel the other woman shift uncomfortably but she didn't care. Clint wasn't any better hugging her as well.
"Is she that unwell?" Maria's voice was low, and Clint nodded slowly.
"Well she isn't that bad, but she needs attention. And more than we can give with both the kids." Laura shot into the conversation. Maria nodded slowly putting down the rather big bag she had brought with her. It was clearly more than just clothes. Maybe she had brought some of her work with her.
"The kids need attention as well. And Laura spends most of her time just calming Natasha down. She is disorientated. It's like her head just stopped working. Like she doesn't know what to do with herself. It's nothing like I've seen her before. It's almost like she doesn't know who she is and where she is anymore. But then she comes back to herself before she either throws up or faints or something in between." Clint explained while leading the other woman into the living room.
"I see. That's not good. I think you did the right thing keeping her here and not moving her. She needs to stay calm; I think. Somewhere safe. Fury wasn't happy about me leaving, but it's either that or he loses two of his best agents." Clint lifted his eyebrows slowly.
"Come on Barton. It's not like you would have left her if Fury asked for you. You and she would be out of it and Fury would get mad. Think he rather wants me to stay for a short time than you guys being gone for months." Maria stopped for a second looking between them before she said. "Now I brought a few things for the kids" Laura watched as Maria picked up six gifts from her bag. She was not expecting her to bring any gifts. They were all neatly wrapped with a ribbon around each of them.
"They are all pretty cool, but also with the idea of keeping them occupied for a while," Maria said with a small smile. Laura couldn't do anything but nod. Clint walked slowly out of the room, just as hesitant as Laura. A minute later he came back with two very happy kids. She wasn't surprised when her kids started jumping around in excitement when they the pile of gifts in front of them. Still, both of them stopped pretty fast and Cooper looked at his dad and said.
"But we said no gifts before Nat was better?" The boy had big eyes and looked sadly at the six gifts.
"Don't worry Cooper. Natasha wants you to open them. She wants you guys to have fun this holiday even if she can't be there all the time." Maria said with a softer voice than Laura have ever heard her use. She handed the kids two similar gifts and said. "Opens these two now and I'll give the rest later okay?" The two kids nodded quickly before they both ripped the paper off, not caring about opening them carefully.
Laura almost dropped her jaw when two bows and quiver fell out of its wrapper. One of them was painted in a deep metallic blue and the other one in a darker pink-red vibe. They were both smaller than a regular bow, but she was pretty sure Clint could use both without any problems.
"WOOOOOW," Both of the kid said at the same time both with mouths wide open looking at each other with big eyes. Cooper had asked multiple times for a bow, and every time he got a no from both of them.
"Can we try them?!" Cooper was practically jumping up and down at this point looking at Maria with begging eyes.
"Yes, after you guys get dressed. I have the targets outside." Both kids dropped the bow and quiver before they disappeared out the room running around to get their winter gear.
"Don't worry Laura. They are special made. The point of the arrows are completely soft and can't harm them at all. They only harden if they are shot at the made targets and will only, exclusively, pierce the targets. Doesn't matter how hard you shoot the thing, even the arrow itself will soften if shot the other way. Not even Clint can make it stick to anywhere else than the targets. Still, they fly perfectly. Course I wouldn't use it in a mission as an actual weapon but it's perfect for practicing." Laura couldn't do other than to nod. She trusted Maria. Sure, Maria was a spy and a director of a secret world-class protection service thing that she didn't know what exactly did, but she trusted her. And honestly, she felt like Clint would have a higher risk of bringing something that was accidentally dangerous to the kids than Maria.
While the kids got ready to play outside with Maria and Clint Laura walked back to Natasha's room. To her relief, Natasha was still sleeping soundly. Her fever was still pretty high, but it seems to maybe have gone down. Laura curled up beside her resting her head against Natasha's back. She didn't care if she caught whatever was happening in Natasha's body if it meant Natasha getting better. Natasha didn't deserve this.
God Laura wanted her to get better so badly.
Maria was a genius. Like she really was. Obviously, she had to be somewhat of a smart woman to be the Deputy Director of SHIELD at such a young age, but still. Maria's gifts to the kids were just like she had described them, cool but also made to keep them occupied. And not only occupied but also working on improving skills. Of course, they got the bows which actually Lila used the most, which was a surprise. She was only four, but for some reason, this was something she enjoyed a lot. And was good at. Which was kinda scary if you asked Laura.
The next gift they got the same evening was designed to make them think. Or rather a recipe to make them think. To Lila, who as they all know adored everything Natasha did was a small pamphlet with pictures of how to play a very simplified version of one of Natasha's favourite songs on the piano. Which was somewhat annoying to listen to, but at the same time worked. But it was Cooper's second gift that really blew it out of the water. It was a book on coding and general I.T. Now Laura knew nothing about coding, or computers, or hacking, but apparently her boy enjoyed it. Maria gave him a tablet he could use and all he wanted to do was to work on whatever codes and tricks he could fine in said book.
The gift gave room to watch Natasha without the kids feeling completely left out. And with Maria there, she could help take care of Natasha when the two of them too tired or wanted to spend some time with the kids.
They sent the next few days playing with their gifts getting two gifts each day for the next two days. By the fourth day with Maria, the ultimate question finally came. It was the first day the hadn't gotten something new to occupy their brain with so naturally the thought of their aunt came floating back.
They were all currently in the living room. Natasha was asleep upstairs and they were all just fiddling with their own things. Lila was puzzling on a puzzle she wasn't able to finish the day before. Cooper was playing with a Rubik's cube which he had gotten two days ago and Clint and Maria were doing some light work.
It was Cooper who started it all. Laura noticed him staring at her when she realized the clicking from the cube stopped. She was reading when silence fell over the room. She looked up and two brown eyes looked at her. She wasn't the only one who had noticed. Both Maria and Clint looked up from the tablet they were looking at as well. Cooper looked between the three adults before he said with a low voice.
"Why isn't Natasha better yet? You said she wasn't dying?!" Cooper's voice almost cracked by the boy took himself in and looked at Laura with two almost strict eyes. Laura watched Lila lift her head from her puzzle as well and looks at her.
"She is not dying but she is very sick." Clint started with a calm voice. Cooper didn't give him much room to explain before he cut him off.
"But you haven't let us see her for days. You keep distracting us with gifts!" He looked down on his almost completed cube. He has never solved it before and his eyes lit up in realization. "AND IT'S WORKING!" He threw the cube with an incredible strength only giving Laura a second to move away before it hits the wall with a loud thud.
"Cooper Barton! We do not accept this kind of behavior in this house!" Laura was thrown out her trance and for the first time in a very long time, she finds herself raising her voice.
"She needs to rest, and we wanted to give you something to make you happy. Do you understand Cooper?" Clint looks at his son with two demanding eyes, but the boy only looks back at him with two mad eyes.
"ARRRGHHH!" Cooper was just about to storm out of the room before he walks straight into something. Both Cooper and Laura let out a small gasp when he walks into Natasha who is resting in the doorframe. The only one in the room that doesn't look like they are looking at a ghost is Maria who probably had noticed her in all the chaos.
"Excuse me, Cooper? What is this behavior?" Natasha's voice is deadly calm, and Cooper only looked at her with big eyes before he slowly backs up from the redhead. Natasha is pale in her skin with two glass-like eyes. Still, she has a strict frown on her face. With her arms crossed over her chest and she looks at him almost with an angry glare. Not even Lila moved, everyone, maybe except Maria, was stunned by the fact that the woman that fainted like five times yesterday was currently standing in front of them.
It wasn't before Natasha straightened up with a small stumble that the room came back to life with Clint breaking the silence.
"Okay, kids out." Clint stood up and started to push the kids towards the kitchen door and out towards the hallway. Both Cooper and Lila started to protest immediately but quickly stopped when Maria looked at them with two very, very cold eyes.
Clint and the kids hurry out of the room leaving the three women alone. Laura looked between Maria and Natasha who only stared at each other lifting an eyebrow now and again like they already are in full conversation. Neither of them had yet to move, they only look at each other before Natasha slowly turned and walked to the kitchen. The previous stumble shows no sign to return as she walks effortlessly to the kitchen. Laura notices Maria rolled her eyes before she walks after the other agent.
"I can't say I was expecting to see you, boss." Maria rolled her eyes again
"I'm not your boss." She only answers coldly. Laura sat down quietly by the table and only observe the interactions.
"Could have fooled me." Natasha doesn't even look at Maria. She turns on the tap and slowly fills up the glass with cold water.
"Nobody fools you, Natasha." Natasha turns around slowly and nods.
"True. But what are you doing here?" She looks at them for a second before she walks over to the kitchen table and slumps down on a chair on the opposing side of the table from Laura. Her voice is colder than what Laura is used to. She was guessing this was the kind of voice she used around at SHIELD.
"The way phrasing yourself makes me believe you have no idea what has happened, nor what we have been going through." Laura wasn't sure if she was expecting a reaction from Natasha or what, but Natasha looked calmer than ever.
"Guess you're right." Natasha only answered. It looked weirded Laura thought. Natasha was calm and very "Agent Romanoff" like, but the way she looked, so pale and… well weak almost… made it all so wrong. Something seemed off but she couldn't pinpoint what.
"I usually am," Maria said with a small smile. Natasha only nodded affirmatively. "When was the last time you looked in the mirror?" Maria continued not giving her any room to interrupt. Natasha stopped for a moment and tilted her head slightly obviously trying to think about it.
"Well, I can tell you it has to be at least 4 days because you haven't been able to walk the last few days." Natasha looked at her carefully. Her snappy comments were long gone. She looked at Laura and Laura only nodded slightly. She could see the panic and fear flashing in the two green eyes before they were pushed away.
"Natasha, you were very, very sick." Laura started. She wanted Natasha to say something. Anything. But she only looked at her with two almost scared eyes.
"How much do you remember?" It was a dumb question really. Clearly, the agent remembers nothing if she would've she wouldn't have looked as confused. Or?
"Nothing." Natasha only answered. Laura wanted a little bit more. Was she really that blank? Or was she lying? Natasha could be lying. Laura had no way of telling. Yes, she was good at reading the other woman, but Natasha had more than once lied right to her face effortlessly. Completely without any sign of any dishonesty.
"Natasha." Laura started carefully. Natasha only looked at her with two empty eyes. Laura recognized it as something Natasha did whenever she was lost inside her thoughts. Both Maria and Laura waited patiently for the other woman to land back on earth again.
"I don't know what you are talking about." Natasha's voice was to calm and hard to recognize. It was cold but calm. Almost dreamy. Careless.
"Natasha I am not doing this. I need you to talk to me. I need you to come back to us and focus because this is serious." It was Maria this time. Laura looked at the angry woman. She was surprised Maria was so annoyed, but she probably has more experience with this part of Natasha.
"I am." Natasha let a small smile show. But it wasn't her normal warm, heart racing smile she usually had. Not the smile that she gave the kids that made Laura's heart almost jump out of her chest. No, it was distance and unfamiliar.
"You're really not." Maria almost growled. She was clearly pissed at this point, looking like she was about to jump the other woman soon. Natasha, on the other hand, leaned back in the chair looking like she wasn't giving any cares in the world.
"You are the last person I would ever treat her handler this way. You were better disciplined." It was like Laura could hear the illusion in Natasha's head shatter. Her head snapped from its place and Natasha's launched herself at Maria. Maria was clearly expecting the attack from the other woman. The second Natasha laid her hands on her Natasha got thrown into the fridge with a loud thud, making Laura jump in her seat.
Natasha let out a loud groan and Laura watched her try to shake Maria off her.
"Really Natasha. I think we both can tell you're not in nearly good enough shape to take me on. And you got to admit something is off when you can't even push me off you." Maria let go of the other woman. Natasha doesn't punch back. She only looked at her coldly still not saying anything.
"Heck, you can take on Rogers if you wanted to." Natasha glance at her before she closed her eyes for a second.
"What do you want?" Her voice was so cold and emotionless, and again Laura felt the woman slowly creep into the old cold woman she met years ago.
"Why are we even having this conversation, Natasha? Like seriously do you understand that you were really sick. You fell together on the floor. You left us so worried. Laura, Clint, me, Pepper. Everyone. Now tell me why you can get it together and drop whatever fuckery you are doing right now." Laura noticed Natasha's eyes shoot up by the mention of Pepper. She bit her bottom lip and just looked at them.
"Drop whatever fuckery you are putting on and drop the personas. Just let me talk to the Natasha we know because this isn't you." Maria looked at her and Laura watched her eyes soften. Natasha still looked at her, but Laura swore she could see some pain linger in her eyes.
"I don't think I can." Natasha's voice slightly cracked, and she looked at them before she whispered. "I don't think I know who I am anymore."
A/N: This chapter is intense. If you guys don't quite understand everything that's happening, I will explain later. Think as an endnote in the next chapter.
This is a bit longer than usual. That's what happens when I take a break you know. Currently, I am working 4-6 days a week. 8 hours shifts. So, I don't have as much time. But I enjoy writing this so much, and I won't leave you hanging for too long so just hang on. If you guys have any ideas, I am serious when I say I take everything. It makes the prosses faster :))