A/N: NANO has started and guys my new fanfic "A dash of black pepper" is out. If you enjoy this fanfic go and give that one some love as well. They are in the same universe or/and the same collection which now has a name, "heart of the cards". Please, please go and check it out at least.

I see it's a few new readers here as well. Hello to all of you. I appreciate everyone and would love to hear what you have to say so please don't hesitate to DM me if you want to. I love to talk to my readers.

Btw, the hair discussion with Laur and Nat. I am basing my "natural hair colour" on the red in Endgame because Nat clearly didn't care more than to cut her hair at that time. The red in that movie is the "natural" one in my head.

Until the next note, make it a great week, and I write to you next chapter. / still figuring out how to end my notes so yeah, they are different every time rn.

S-B

Laura woke up by a high scream and she already knew what was happening. She threw the cover off and turned around to her left just Natasha screamed again. She didn't have time to stop herself as she reached after the other woman. Immediately she knew she had made a mistake. She felt a hard grip around her wrist before she felt herself getting thrown out the bed tumbling headfirst landing on her back, losing her breath as her back impacted with the floor. Natasha was on her in seconds, using her body weight to keep Laura on the ground.

It all happened so fast, and before Laura had registered what happened Natasha was off her again. Her eyes were filled with pain as the woman realized what she just had done.

"Laura…I… I am so sorry. I" Natasha's voice was so low she almost didn't hear it. The woman backed up from her in horror in lighting speed. Her body language was clear as she fled out the door leaving a devastated Laura behind.

It was no use trying to talk her out of it. Natasha had locked the door to her room and Laura knew better than trying to break in. She knew the girl couldn't be forced at this point. She just had to give her time.

Laura hadn't actually gotten hurt when Natasha threw her; she was just surprised by it all. After an hour trying to see if Natasha was planning on moving any time soon, Laura had no choice but to try to get some sleep again. Not that it worked very well. She just kept staring at the roof in the room wondering about Natasha. Thinking about her and feeling her heartache for the woman.

Still, she couldn't let that control her life. Her morning had to go on as normal and the kids had to go to school. They, of course, asked a million questions about Natasha, and Laura had to play it cool saying she was sleeping in. It was times like this she was happy the kids were as young as they were not really being able to connect the fact that Natasha never really slept in.

The kids felt even more stubborn today leaving Laura to go late. Like 20 minutes late. With Lila dropped off and just Cooper left they had a 4-minute drive to his school, and he was already 10 minutes late for his first class. And that was when he dropped the question. It felt like he just dropped a bomb, making Laura freeze and forced to pull over.

"Is Nat dying?" This wasn't the first time he asked this question, but it was something about the way he looked at her, and the fact that Laura knew even less about this situation than last time that made it all so hard. She turned around in her seat and looked at the boy in the back seat.

"Cooper, what are you talking about?" Laura tried her best to keep her voice as calm as possible looking at her boy as neutral as possible.

"I… I heard her talking on the phone about a pill or something and she sounded stressed. And then she sounded so sick yesterday. Do you think she is hiding she is dying from us?" Laura could already see some tears forming in the boy's eyes. This was the first time she had heard anything about "the pills" and she was not liking the sound of this.

"Coop, why didn't you tell me sooner?" Laura sank down looking at him as he sniffed low.

"I didn't want Lila to hear it if she was. Lila would be so sad." Laura's eyes soften. Even knowing that her child was thinking these thoughts were heartbreaking. The boy was looking down in his lap twinning his thumbs avoiding eye contact with her.

"She isn't dying. And I don't think she would hide that from us either. I promise you that." Cooper looked up at her with big eyes before nodding whispering okay.

The rest of the ride to drop Cooper was awful, and the ride home alone was even worse. Seeing Cooper so heartbroken and so scared. It was a real change from Christmas where he had thrown his small tantrum.

She knew Cooper was observant, but clearly, he had seen Natasha's slightly off behavior, and even caught a few things Laura hadn't caught herself. He wasn't supposed to think about all of this, he was only a child. Now knowing he was so worried about Natasha made Laura appreciate even more Clint's decision to retire, so none of the kids should ever have to carry that worry too.

Thinking more about it the frustration and anger towards Natasha were growing. She already knew very little was needed before she would let it all out on her. Maybe it was unfair of her to be angry at Natasha, but she was. She was clearly hiding something. Laura didn't know what, but it was something. Something that could be important.

Still, her being mad at Natasha was often very short lasted and the anger she felt stilled as she walked into a house filled with the smell of bacon and eggs. Natasha was sitting on the sofa with her eyes closed. Her hair was in a bun on top of her head, and in her hand, she had a mug with steaming hot coffee.

The spy didn't move as Laura walked past her and into the kitchen finding a sunny side egg paired with slices of bacon ready for her. She kept throwing glances towards Natasha as she prepared her coffee. They were both aware of each other but none of them said anything, only acknowledging each other's presence.

Laura could already tell Natasha was destroyed from the awful night. Her face was pale, and she had dark, dark, circles under her eyes, really emphasizing how stressful and hard the night had been on her. It all made Laura forget the anger she had built up. It wasn't Natasha's fault. The way she was reacting to all of this wasn't great, but it was the only way she knew. To flee from her feelings. She had grown up leaning feelings were wrong. And then in her early adulthood having to completely do a one-eighty and embrace them more, of course, that would clash and make problems. But still.

"Hey, Nat?" Laura tried to keep her voice as calm as possible as she moved over to the other woman. Natasha didn't open her eyes, and she didn't move. The woman continued to stay silent in the same position and Laura could already feel herself getting more worried.

She wanted to reach out after her. To drag her into a hug and tell her it was okay. But she knew she couldn't. She didn't even know if it all would be okay. She didn't know what the situation was. Laura decided not to ask again. Instead, she just sat down on the couch keeping an eye on Natasha as she ate. Natasha didn't seem to be planning to move or talk any time soon.

Even with her eyes closed, she could tell she wasn't relaxed. Her face was moving ever so slightly, sometimes with a small yank or a small eyebrow lift. Laura could tell she wasn't sleeping but she didn't seem very present either.

She didn't notice it before she had finished her breakfast. Natasha's right hand was shaking ever so slightly, and she watched her thumb glide over her hand pressuring the nail into her own skin. Sometimes she could see her dig her nail into her skin and Laura was sure she was doing to draw blood soon.

Laura carefully made her way over to Natasha taking a see beside the other woman.

"Hey, Nat?" Laura tried reaching out for her slowly. This time Natasha did open her eyes and she looked at her with two tired eyes.

"How are you?" Laura asked, taking Natasha's hand into her own, holding around it preventing the woman from continuing to pinch herself.

"Tired," Natasha answered simply looking at her again. Her voice was almost gone. The combination of an already tired throat plus screaming was clearly not a good one. Laura nodded slowly leaning at Natasha relaxing on her shoulder. Soon she could feel Natasha calm down resting her head on Laura's.

"You know, you told me we were going to talk about it tomorrow yesterday. That's today." Laura said with a soft voice letting her thumb glide over Natasha's hand which as still shaking ever so slightly.

"I know. I just don't want to." Natasha hummed back. She didn't sound mad or stressed about it. It was just her honest opinion about it, and Laura respected that, but she also knew she needed to know in case it was something more…compilated.

"Well, let me give you some motivation." Laura can fell Natasha move her head away from hers and she looked up carefully. Natasha was looking at her with a slightly worried look and Laura straighten up.

"Cooper asked me if you are dying in the car today." Laura could see the shook and pain flash over Natasha for a second before the woman pushed it away forcing her to go back to neutral.

"Why? In what situation?" Natasha asked carefully looking at her.

"Well, apparently you were on the phone and talked about pills at one point. That and your destroyed voice. I guess he just put two and two together." Natasha let out a small cough just as Laura finished the sentence making Laura nod at her emphasizing her point.

"Right," Natasha said looking away from the other woman. Not a great sign.

"Natasha. Tell me. I said you weren't dying. I also told him you would never hide such a thing from us. From me. I am expecting you to confirm this." Laura looked at her strictly and she could tell Natasha was struggling to answer. The resistant from the girl was bigger than expected making Laura already prepare for the worse.

"I'm not." Natasha started. Laura let out a small sigh of relief, but it all changed soon when she saw Natasha's upset eyes.

"But he was right when he mentioned pills. I… umm." Natasha a bit her lip, and Laura tilted her head slightly.

"It started as a small idea that popped up in Maria's head. I was distracted when I was working. Distant and not giving it my all because I was so tired all the time. Nightmares kept following me, and I needed sleep so desperately. A SHIELD scientist and doctor experimented with this new idea, this pill. The idea was just that it was going to make me fall asleep faster. But it also gave a few side effects. Like dreamless nights. It made me sleep, more than before. Making me well-rested. So, it gave Furry room to give me more missions. Harder, more challenging once. The once that really made some impact." Natasha looked at her for a second and Laura nodded slightly.

"So, you became addicted? Right?" Natasha nodded.

"They put me in a calmer more relax state because they calm down everything in my head. But if I don't take them before is sleep. Well, you saw what happened when I first came here. My head goes on complete overload. Personas, reality, not reality, missions, non-mission. They all just collide. I had one left last night and I was so hesitant because… I didn't know how I was going to react. I've wanted to try to go from two to one a long time now, and eventually just eliminate them for good. But I didn't want to do it around you guys

The reason Maria sent be back was because we thought that if I was around the kids, and you and Clint, I would be able to empty and calm my head more or less naturally. Clint is more than capable to do the work I am doing back at SHIELD to help and relieve some of my work while I was off duty." Laura nodded carefully trying to process it all. It almost didn't sound real.

"So how are you feeling then?" Laura asked with a small smile. Natasha looked at her moving her nose slightly.

"Not great. But I am not dying, so it could have been worse." Laura laughed and Natasha smile back. A genuine smile and Laura knew that even if this was something that would take time, Natasha would figure this out.

"So, what now?" Laura asked carefully looking at her.

"I asked Maria to send some with Clint, he is coming home now later today. He knows he was only chipping in for me." Laura nodded slowly looking at the other woman and smiled softly.

The rest of the week was pain-free for the most part. Natasha still kept her little secret away from the kids, but Laura one saw her drag Cooper out of the room, so she had a feeling the woman had talked to the boy about his thoughts and worries.

Natasha keep her promise and made sure to give every second to the kids in the weekend joining Coopers baseball game the same the weekend, and taking Lila around, driving her to friends and picking her up giving Lila a chance to show off her aunt Laura was sure she had bragged about to most of her friends already.

She also made sure to spend her evenings with Laura and Clint, not mentioning work once, even if they all knew that the longer she stayed, the more work would pile up when she did finally go back to SHIELD.

Laura was currently sitting on the couch between Natasha´s legs letting the spy braid her hair. It was Tuesday and Natasha's final morning before she and Clint would go back to SHIELD when he came back after dropping off the kids. Laura could feel Natasha's finger slowly glide thought her hair carefully brushing her hair.

"I wish you could stay forever," Laura said with a sleepy voice leaning back into the spy's arms.

"Yeah, I know." Natasha hummed back into her ear.

"What is your week looking like now?" Laura asked softly still lost in the nice feeling of somebody playing with her hair.

"Work. Hopefully, between Clint and me, we can finish the work that I am now so dreadfully behind with." Natasha said with a disgusted voice, making Laura let out a small laugh.

"And I am going to the hairdresser. I need to colour my hair again." Laura turned around and looked at the spy. Her hair had grown out quite a bit after she cut it short last year. Laura didn't know what her natural hair colour was. But it was a colder red now than it was a few years back.

"Why? I like the colder red." Laura said, and Natasha hummed softly. "Going browner again?" Natasha had dyed her hair in a brown-red just before she met Stark while letting her hair grow out.

"I am thinking more orange, actually. Though I liked the more classic ginger colour I had last year before it started fading." Natasha answered with a smile.

"I mean I like this colour a lot. Like I really do" Laura said letting her hand brush Natasha's hair softly.

"Well, I very rarely let my natural colour show so you're lucky," Natasha said with a laugh.

"This is your natural hair colour? It's so nice!" Natasha laughed again smiling.

"Well, sad to let it go then."

Clint started spending more time at the office, and at home, working on mission reports and other paperwork while Natasha spent most of her days out in the field. Laura got some updates once in a while, but judging by the amount of work Clint had something told her that SHIELD was in a busy period.

"Hey, Clint? Did you see Nat while you were back?" Laura asked softly when her husband walked into the kitchen a late November day. He had just spent the weekend at the triskelion.

"Nope. Maria told me she was out with Rogers again." Clint walked over to her hand kissed her lightly on the lips. Laura hummed softly leaning into Clint letting him hug her tightly.

"Humming, hu? You seriously miss her don't you." Laura laughed smiling at him. Humming had always been something Natasha did whenever she was comfortable. She was like a cat. She would purr and hum when she was relaxed and curled up in a comfortable position but will hiss at you if you annoyed her too much.

"She has been a lot with Rogers lately." Laura pointed out and Clint nodded.

"Yeah. He has been her partner for quite some time now, but he seemed to start being more involved in SHIELD intel and not just an agent anymore." Clint answered as he walked around in the kitchen.

"Is this a good or a bad thing?"

"It's good that Nat has a partner if she trusts him. Though I'm not sure if she does." Laura nodded slightly, that might be true. Throughout the fall she had gotten a few updates, but they were very minimal and short. Natasha spent her time doing all kinds of things and they had no real way to get any updates from them. While Clint was working for SHIELD still, it was a complicated relationship and he had even mentioned a few times that he felt a bit left out from all the information and intel.

Throughout the fall and winter, Natasha became completely stealth for the Barton family. They didn't get any updates, though she did leave some gifts for Christmas and Cooper's birthday. It wasn't before late March they got any sort of updates, but not the good kind.

They were sitting on the sofa. The kids were at school and it was just the two of them left. Clint reading the newspaper and Laura knitting. They both got interrupted from their activities when Clint's work phone sent out a sharp sound. Laura hadn't heard that exact sound before, though she was aware that Clint's work phone was connected to SHIELD so updates and such would come automatically. She could tell Clint was surprised as well wrinkling his forehead as he picked the phone up scanning thought whatever it was.

"Oh my god." He whispered looking at her with a look that made her shiver.

"What?"

"Steve is wanted. All SHIELD agents are obliged to turn him in if seen." Clint said giving her the phone. It was a lot of words she didn't understand, and Laura ended up just handing him the phone.

"Why though?" She said looking at him.

"Because Furry was killed."

Clint was a mess, Laura was a mess, SHIELD was… SHIELD was… she didn't know really. They knew nothing about the situation. Clint got immediately thrown out of SHIELD information the second they learned Natasha was involved. It was no secret that Clint and Natasha had been a powerful duo before, and while they couldn't prove Clint was involved in whatever Natasha and Steve were doing SHIELD was clearly not taking any chances.

Clint and Laura were both glued to the TV as the news report from Washington were showing. Steve was nowhere to be found, the triskelion was blown into a million pieces and three helicarriers destroyed and gone up in flames. The world was a mess. Everyone was a mess. SHIELD's information was leaked all over the internet with every single dark secret spread across the whole globe.

They had no idea why this happened. Nobody knew the reason for the attack. Most of the world saw it as a good thing and Steve and Natasha did indeed save them. Some thought it was an attack and that was just what they wanted to believe. Nothing had a real explanation yet. And most the media said was just speculation and guesses not based on any real facts.

[…] both for this country and against it, that you belong in a penitentiary, not mouthing off on Capitol Hill.

Laura and Clint were listening to the hearing on TV looking at each other with Cooper and Lila between them. Most of what had been said was just stupid questions aimed to drag Natasha and Steve down. At this point, Natasha looked like her eyes were going to roll out of her head looking at the man talking. The room was packed with camera and news reporters hanging on to every word the two of them said.

Natasha: You're not gonna put me in a prison. You're not gonna put any of us in a prison. You know why?

Clint mumbled something under his breath and Laura was sure he was going to jump the TV if he wasn't careful now. Reporters everywhere were sticking out their small recorders and Laura could feel the whole country holding its breath hanging on her every word.

Scudder: Do enlighten us.

Natasha Romanoff: Because you need us. Yes, the world is a vulnerable place, and yes, we helped make it that way. But we're also the ones best qualified to defend it. So if you want to arrest me, arrest me. You'll know where to find me.

"THAT'S MY GIRL!" Clint said out loud just as Natasha stood up and walked away from the packed room. Laura watched the camera flashing everyone following the agent as she left the confused congress alone. Natasha was wearing her smug smile, and Laura couldn't help but smile as the congress looked like it just dropped its mouth.,

"Well, that was fun," Clint said finally turning off the TV. He looked ad Laura who only nodded. While it was a lot of things she wanted to talk about with Clint, the kids had been good sitting still watching with them, so it was time to give them some attention as well.

"Why was auntie Nat on TV? I liked her hair." Lila tugged Laura's shirt looking at her with big eyes.

"You know how we talked about how she is working with Captain America right?" Lila nodded with excitement. The girl loved Captain America that was for sure.

"Well, he and Nat did something big. So, she had to be interviewed about it. That's all." Laura could already see Cooper look at her knowing he knew she was simplifying the truth for the younger girl.

"But she will come to visit soon right. She hasn't been here for soooooo looooong" Lila lifted her arms stretching them to emphasize how long it's been. Laura smiled softly. She had a point. It was almost 5 months since they last saw her. A lot could have happened.

"I am sure she will, Lila."

The next week was without any updates. Both Laura and Clint had tried to contact Natasha multiple times, but none was successful. They came through to Maria, the only SHIELD employ that apparently hadn't boycotted Clint, but she hadn't seen her and had no way to contact her either. Pepper was on the same page as Maria with no information, though she sounded a lot more stressed about the situation than Maria had given the impression off.

"Where do you think she is?" Laura and Clint were sitting in the living room eating some late snacks after putting the kids to bed. Clint had just mentioned that Captain America was spotted for the first time, giving Laura some hope.

"Honestly I don't know. She could be everywhere. She is a master of just disappearing." Clint said with a small shrug.

"Is that what you think she has done. Just gone to hiding?"

"Laura. All her covers ever got blown. It's a very dangerous way to live for a spy. The safest thing to do is back up. Especially with a background like hers." Laura only nodded. She guessed he was right. Natasha was already wanted on the KGB/bad guy side for betraying them years back, but now she had made herself even more vulnerable. All her previous aliases were now public, as well as all the lies she had said. It was a scary way to live. Still, she hoped the woman would realize she would be safe here because god she wanted Natasha back.

Laura was just about to announce she was going to bed when they heard a sounded like a big vehicle. It was clearly driving towards them. It was no doubt about that. The engine stopped for a second before it started again. The same way it had appeared from nowhere the sound started to fade. Clint jogged over to the window to look for any lights, but only shook his head waving Laura over to the door throwing her a jacket while he picked up his bow, which was just by the door as always.

Laura slowly dressed herself and watched Clint check his bowstring and quiver.

"Here," he handed her a gun which she recognized as Natasha's weapon of choice, a Glock 26.

"Don't use if necessary. But I want you to have it okay." Laura nodded slowly. Natasha had taught her to shoot a long time ago. And while she wasn't very comfortable doing so she wasn't awful at it.

The two of the slowly opened the door a looked around. It was really only one way you could approach the house by car so if a person did get out of the vehicle and was walking towards them now, it was only one direction they could come from. Their house was connected with one other rode longer down, which was too another dead end. Which lead to two other houses further down on direction and the main road the other direction. Most of the houses were closer to the center of the town, so the car had to either have gone down the road by mistake or dropped somebody off. The first one very unlikely.

Clint was currently looked down the dark road while Laura was scanning the outskirts of the forest, holding tightly around the handgun. The only source of light was from their own house, which wasn't giving off much light so at this point Laura really felt like she was looking at nothing.

Laura was standing right beside Clint and she could feel his arm against hers when he froze. Laura had no idea what he was looking at, she literally couldn't see anything other than black. She could feel his arm flexing and before she knew it his arm was lifted, and his left hand let go of the arrow he apparently had already loaded.

The arrow shot forward at lightning speed, though it didn't seem to hit its target the same way as he expected. Laura had never seen an arrow like it. The tip lit up in a bright orange indicating it might be some sort of heat integrated into the thing. Laura watched the light travel fast down the road before it got stopped by a hand grabbing the neck of the arrow. The light was just bight enough to make out a left arm shielding a face and holding the arrow just a few inches right from the person's head.

A/N: Cliffhanger? Or just me ending the chapter a bit earlier than planned so you guys don't have to wait five billion years. Maybe both. I think both.

I am really enjoying writing still, but time is just not my friend at the moment. I work a lot, and I am trying to have somewhat of a social life. Yeah, you read that right, social, weird, I know right. Anyways like I said please don't hesitate to DM me if you have any questions or just want to talk. I am fine with both.

And until next note, make it a great week and I see you in the next chapter.

S-B