Hands. Hands holding her down, squeezing her wrist until her hands turn white. Hands, Hands squeezing her throat until black spots appeared. Hands. Hands pushing cigarette burns on her pale skin.
Emily gasped, she moved her hands towards her neck instinctively as she struggled to catch her breath. She felt the familiar ache in her wrists, a constant reminder to what that man had done to her. However, she suddenly felt warm comforting hands brush through her knotted brown hair.
'' Sssh'' the familiar voice whispered, '' It's okay, let it out''. It was then that Emily realized that she was crying. '' JJ'' she whispered, as her voice broke again, rocked by a sob. '' I'm here Em, I'm here'' whispered JJ in her ear, blonde locks tickled Emily's face, the fresh smell of JJ's shampoo filled up her nose. Something that instantly relaxed her.
Once Emily had calmed down a little, JJ climbed out of the bed. She kneeled down next to it and pushed Emily up in a sitting position, her legs over the edge of the bed. JJ reached for Emily's hand and held them tight '' I'm here Emily, I'm here. What do you need?'' she asked.
'' I need-'' croaked Emily, her voice still shaky. '' I need-.. for the feelings to stop'' she whispered, '' I tell victims all the time that it's okay, it's okay to feel what you're feeling. However, when you're in their position, it's different. I don't want to be scared. I don't want people to be able to read me. I've worked tirelessly to keep myself as private as possible and one unsub takes it all from me''.
JJ nodded, she handed Emily a water bottle and watched as she took a sip before she started to talk. '' It's okay to let people help you Emily, it may not be such a bad thing that your guard is down for the team. They want to help you''. Emily shook her head slightly '' No, I don't want them to know all my business, they look at me like I'm weak, like I'm broken. They know things about me now''.
''And that's okay Em, they know you're hurting. Or is there more?'' JJ asked. Emily froze in her tracks, realizing the conversation was steering into an uncomfortable space. ''No nothing more, I just hate the way they look at me, like I'm fragile'' whispered Emily.
'' Let them in Em, it will be better for you'' stated JJ as she climbed on the bed to wrap her arm around Emily's shaking shoulders. '' We'll see'' she huffed, indicating that their conversation was over. '' Let's just get some more sleep, we agreed to meet early for the jet'' said Emily, right as their alarm started ringing. '' Guess we'll sleep on the jet'' chuckled JJ as she stood up, she placed a gentle kiss on Emily's head before heading towards the bathroom.
Emily gently traced the spot on her head where JJ had planted a kiss before getting up to get dressed. She pulled on the same outfit as last night and waited for JJ to get out of the shower.
Emily had slept for most of the day after the rough case and the rough jet ride. A shrill ringing filled her ears, her phone buzzed next to her and she groaned as she picked it up. '' Prentiss'' she said, '' what do you want?''.
''Good afternoon, Sunshine'' laughed Garcia from the other side of the line. '' Oh crap, drinks'' muttered Emily once she saw what time it was. '' At last she remembers'' Penelope said, '' Listen, I'm really not feeling it. Can I rain check?''.
'' No, because I'm already waiting outside your door'' Penelope said, just as the doorbell rang. Emily hung up the phone and put on a robe, she opened the door and glared angrily towards Penelope. '' Time to get dressed, JJ, Reid and Morgan are meeting us at the bar''.
Emily listened to Penelope as she talked to Sergio while she was furiously trying to tame her short bangs. She eventually ended up in a black dress with a leather jacket, dark boots, a little make up and slightly tamed bangs.
'' Oeh lala'' sang Penelope when she watched Emily walk past her. '' I'm not staying long, and I'm not drinking much'' sighed Emily as she reached for her bag.
They took a quick taxi towards the bar and met Reid, Morgan and JJ outside the bar. Penelope found a free booth in the back and hogged the seats while the rest of them ordered the drinks.
Reid was clinging to a cup of nuts and munched as he watched the rest of the team laugh about a joke he didn't quite understand. JJ was showing Emily and Penelope a picture of Henry in a bear onesie. '' Really?'' exclaimed Morgan, faking anger, '' We're in a bar, and we're looking at baby pictures? Henry's cute, don't get me wrong, but we're in a bar''.
Reid struggled to reach for his cup of nuts as he was pulled away from the table by Morgan, whom was making his way towards the bar. JJ went after them after she took Penelope and Emily's order.
Penelope and Emily were the only ones left at the table. '' JJ was ogling you, she thought you looked trés magnifique'' whispered Penelope, a devious grin covered her face. '' Jesus Pen'' groaned Emily, as she planted her face in her hands. '' Please just stop mentioning that thing. Please'' Emily practically begged. '' What? That you are in L-O-V-E with JJ?'' Penelope said, as she clipped a pink butterfly clip back in her hair.
'' Em?'' came from behind them, Emily shot up immediately, her whole body went cold. '' Emily?'' JJ repeated, when she placed the glasses in front of the two women. Penelope looked just as stricken, and even guilty as she pushed herself back in the corner of the booth.
Emily stood up abruptly, she passed JJ, her shoulder brushing gently against her. Once she had pushed the bar open she started running, running until she couldn't run, until the healed scars on her abdomen started itching, until her head started spinning and she could only see dark spots.
After leaving a 24/7 store around the corner, she walked home, a light brown bag covering the bottle of alcohol she had bought. She pushed her key in the door and unlocked the three locks she had before turning on the alarm.
She plopped down on the couch when the tears started running down her cheeks, hopelessness closed in on her. Sergio bumped his small furry head against her wet cheeks as she cried, '' I fucked up'' cried Emily.
Emily took small sips of the drink she had bought once the tears stopped streaming down her cheeks, she held Sergio tight against her chest and listened as her phone rung and rung and rung, they even tried her home phone, but she let that go to voice mail. She however shot a quick text to Morgan when he told her via voice mail that he'd take a SWAT team to her house if she didn't send a sign of life soon.
She could quit with the BAU, she had thought to herself, however she quickly discarded that thought because the BAU was all she had. Well… except Sergio of course. How was she ever going to explain this to JJ, how was she ever going to mend their friendship.
After a few hours, and a few drinks, Emily fell asleep on the couch. Sergio still in her arms.