.2
"Who am I? One name you might have for me is the world, or you might call me the universe, or perhaps God, or perhaps the Truth. I am All, and I am One. So, of course, this also means that I am you. I am the truth of your despair, the inescapable price of your boastfulness. And now, I will bestow upon you the despair you deserve"~Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood
….
The biggest lie you will ever tell is a simple one. They usually are. It is three small words, words that you want to believe even though you know they are baseless and false. Words that you will tell yourself and sometimes others. That lie, the lie in which we all tell, the one we want desperately to be the truth. Well that lie is, I am fine.
Each morning when I wake up, after I am dressed, after I have roused my brother from his sleep, I look into the mirror take deep breath and tell myself that I am fine. It is a lie, one in which I tell myself every day to keep going.
The truth is, I am not fine. I never have been and perhaps I never will be. Because without any doubt I am a grown woman occupying the body of child. That fact would unhinge even the best of us. It is a fact that I have to live with.
Today is no different. It is just harder. Because today, is a very important day for my brother. It marks where we are in the story. The beginning. You see, today is the day my brother will graduate from the academy should he pass the exam. Which I know he will, even if through unconventional means. I guess you could argue that the beginning was when we were born, but quite honestly nothing of importance happened up until this point. Nothing that really needs to mentioned.
Carefully I slip on my chunin vest, it's new. Not because I've recently made chunin but because my last one was destroyed on a mission. You see I graduated early, at the age of eight, and was a genin for two years before I got a field promotion in lieu of taking the exams since I wasn't a part of a team. And head for the door, I hear my brother fumbling around in the bathroom confirming he is awake and getting ready and then I slip away afterwards.
I have a mission, I am not thrilled to be missing my brother graduation but it couldn't be helped. They need a fuinjutsu user and I am currently the only one in the village besides the silver haired Jonin and his knowledge is only basic. Quickly I make haste to meet the team I'm being sent with at the gate.
I give the two a polite nod upon arrival but I do not speak. There is no reason too. Truthfully if I can go this who trip without speaking more that absolutely necessary then I will consider it a success. It throws people off, and it is hilarious to watch.
The name Uzumaki immediately make people think you should be cheerful and flamboyant. So for me to be the complete opposite of that generally throws everyone for a loop. It would suck for shishou if he ever actually had to work with my brother. I was for the most part chill and collected, my brother wasn't. He was a true Uzumaki, I was an imposter.
I won't bore you of the details of my mission, it was boring. Trust me. Ha! A liar asking you to trust them. Sounded like a bad joke.
We returned a day later, I had written my report on the journey home and headed straight to the Tower to hand it over. There was no use holding on to it. Also maybe I could see if my brother had passed or not. I was pretty sure he did this time around, but who knows.
The Third is a genuinely kind man, I respected him, and my brother well he worshiped the ground he walked on. He gave me a smile as I handed over my report, usually I gave my mission statement to a desk worker but today they told me that the Third wanted to speak to me.
"Did your team run into any troubles?" I shook my head at the question. No we hadn't, not this time at least.
"Ah that's good, did you come straight here Mito-chan?" It amused me that I had been named after the First's wife. My mother's mentor. Another nod for in place of words, the old man sighed.
"Then I'll let you know, your brother passed the graduation exam and was placed on Team 7." I nodded again at his words. Wondering how exasperated I could make him before he'd give me that look that told me he knew what I was doing and that I better say something.
"There however was an incident." I raise my brow at him, he isn't telling me everything. Then he gives me a look. A sigh escapes my lips, obviously he didn't want to play my games today.
"An incident?" I parrot his words asking him to continue in as little as possible. Speaking is mostly unnecessary, especially when you can learn more from watching.
"There was a traitor among us, it was dealt with. But your brother learned the truth about the demon." There was that word again, demon. I hated that word. The beast inside us was not a demon. He was just misunderstood.
"Oh." His brow raised, like mine had previously. Finally he sighed.
"He will have questions, some of those questions you are not permitted to answer." I shook my head, I didn't agree with him.
"He has the right to know." My words are pointed out in an accusatory tone. I did not want to lie anymore to my brother. He did not deserve that. No one did.
"It is for his protection. Had you not been so perceptive you would have never known either." His tone warns me, of what I am not yet certain. I will not tell my brother of our parents, not yet. But that does not mean I like it.
"I know." Everything, things that you can never know. Things that I can never tell. That part I do not speak. He gives me a funny look, perhaps it is all over my face. I do not try to hide my intelligence.
"Then you understand why this is important." I blink at his words, make no sign that I agree or disagree with him. Maybe it is for the best, he could be right. Once he realizes I have nothing more to say the old man shakes his head.
"You are dismissed." I bow my head respectfully before taking my leave. He should have known better.
It is a shame to me how blind some people truly are. A shame that they only see what they want to see, and what they see is only a small piece to a bigger picture. That was my problem people in general, I could see the whole picture. I knew things that shouldn't be known, things that I did not wish to even have knowledge of. And yet here they all were lucky by their very ignorance alone.
T'was an ignorant concept to believe that by never telling us the truth of our parent we would be safe. No one who was left in darkness was ever safe. The professions that we chose weren't safe, so to what point was keeping the truth from us going to protect us? I never understood the reasoning for it, decisions made from hate and ignorance never made for good reason.
It was burden to me, to have this knowledge and to be unable to share. I assume it is a price I pay ultimately for being a liar. A price I will always pay. Do you want to know something? Something horrible?
Even if I had been allowed, I don't know if I would have actually told him anything. Just left him in his innocence, in the darkness. Because I know it works out, know that he learns the truth at some point.
Does that make me a terrible person? Probably.
Do I care? Not really.
Some people are better left in their ignorance, some people even thrive in the dark, some people; the strong ones, people like my brother. Well they always manage to pull the light into the darkness and they shine like a fiery beacon bringing everyone to them because of their light. Because of the joy that surrounds them.
People like me? There is no one like me. But I myself, I like to relish in the warmth and light of others. I will never be as strong as my brother. Never as kind, but that's okay, I have accepted that fate as another price to pay. The facts are simple, I do not need my own light all I need to do is nourish the light of other to keep it burning.
Perchance I was being cynical again. I probably was. Stowing a frown I made my way home. My brother would return at some point and I would need to be there to hear his good news. And ultimately to answer any questions I could. Shaking my head at the thought.
Maybe I needed to stop thinking so much. It was unlikely to happen, but worth a shot. Perhaps if I didn't think about it everything would turn out fine.
I am fine.
A lie.
XOXOX
I don't even know anymore. So I made another chapter as I had inspiration for this, so yah. Ugh.. Just let me know what you think. Or something.
As usual I don't own anything. Except the idea of Mitomi.
Sincerely, La'Rae