.14

"Do you think you could tell me what true strength is? I may be out of line, but hiding your true self and putting on airs doesn't seem any different than running away to me. I would think that embracing the things you truly like and being able to enjoy them is worth more than anything. To just be yourself… I believe that's what true strength really is"~Ouran High School Host Club

….

It was a funny thing.

When people told you too look from another's perspective. To see things from their point of view, as if it would help sway you in this figurative argument. Except how do you see things from different eyes when you had two good eyes of your own?

It was a pointless endeavor to try to get someone like me to be sympathetic for another's plight.

Maybe I should just flip a coin?

No that was a very bad idea. Coins had two sides, and while I could generally make either pull in my favor. This wasn't really a game I wanted to play.

Not now.

Not ever.

I folded my hands in my lap and stared up at the elders through my eye lashes. The essence of innocent. But they like myself knew much better. I let my eyes harden a cold look settled in.

Because what they were doing was wrong.

It usually was.

And I did not have the patience or the mood to deal with this bullshit today. My brother was per the timeline supposed to be home soon and I needed to prepare myself for the fact that he would then be leaving me again for a much longer time than two weeks. I wasn't dealing well with these facts.

"Absolutely not." I finally spoke, I kept my eyes closing on them.

"Excuse me?" Breathe in, breathe out. Try not to kill stupid people.

It was instants like this that made me very callous. Yes I was aware that I was a bitch.

"Honorable elders while I appreciate the offer, I must decline. It is not my desire to be a part of the black opps. Not now, or ever. Hiding one half of the equation doesn't solve the problem." I stood, bowed to show that regardless of what they thought I was not a heathen and left.

It did not matter to me that this was what they wanted, and had probably wanted it from the start. It did not matter that being offered this position was an honor or whatever bullshit they feed others. Not only did I know better than that, both Shishou and Kakashi had warned me.

Anbu, was not a place for twelve year old girls and I agreed.

Besides. I knew that the best spot for me was a visible one. I would not allow myself to be tucked away. Not as long as that man still breathed.

I did not trust that man.

Perhaps I even hated him.

Because he is responsible for most of the terrible things that happened to my brother and I.

I tuck my hands in my vest pockets and sigh. This was such an annoyance, I didn't need to be watched by him. I did not want him watching me, all I wanted was for that man to stay the hell away from me and my brother.

I would get what wanted.

It was only a matter of time.

I put distance between me and the Hokage tower. With Shishou gone, and Haku having gone with him it left me without a lot of choices for a safe place. Maybe I was being paranoid, but with my refusal I didn't trust that he wouldn't try something.

So as a last minute decision I headed in the direction of the compound that had offered me sanctuary as a child. Well there forest and deer did, but I supposed that I needed actual human contact right now. Any other time the deer would have been enough for me.

They didn't need words, or expect anything from me so I liked them.

With a bout of tepidness I knocked on the door. Because this was a little strange for me, I wasn't friends with Shikamaru, up until the other afternoon we might have said ten words to one another if that. But I knew he was found of my brother and out of all the rookie nine he was the easiest for me to deal with.

Like the deer, he didn't really expect much from me.

As expected his mother answered the door, she gave me a kind smile. I think mostly due to my resemblance to my own mother. "How can I help you Uzumaki-chan?" It was an odd mix of my last name and the suffix but hey whatever floated her boat.

"I'm looking for Shikamaru. Is he home?" She did raise her brow at that but made a motion for me to follow her into their home.

"He is, may I inquire as too why you are looking for him?" I nodded my head in acceptance of her question before responding.

"I want to thank him for the other day, I didn't get to before." Seeing as I fell asleep as soon as the medic cleared me. I was pretty sure Shishou brought me home that night, as I had no recollection of leaving the Nara compound but he had been gone before I could get my answers.

"Of course, he is out back with Team 10. I am most certain that they aren't actually doing anything after everything they did this morning." The woman then kindly directed me towards the back door and then headed back to whatever she had been doing previous to my interruption.

I pushed the screen door open, and was immediately the center of their attention. I did not particularly like it. With great care I kept the scowl from my face, I had to remember why I was really here.

"What are you doing here?" I raised my brow at the Nara heir. Did he not realize how rude that sounded? Wait, why did I even care? That wasn't even half as bad as I could get.

"Glad to see you're doing well." Their sensei said when I approached the group after ignoring Shikamaru's question. I leaned over the older man's shoulder to look at the game going on.

"Never better, I've finally gotten over all my injured from the invasion." And the kidnapping, but I didn't voice that last part. Turns out that bastard Itachi had used some kind of genjutsu on me, jerk. I thought we were kindred spirits.

Ino wasn't actually here, I noticed after a minute. She must have gone home and Yoshino hadn't known. Because I swore she said team 10 and that would include the blonde mind walker. Choji was sitting in the grass with a bag of chips. So the usual.

I received some sort of annoyed look from the older boy but I continued to ignore him in favor of watching their match. Strategic games had never really appealed to me, I didn't really find any value in them. There was a big difference in the strategy used in gaming vs real life and I tended to focus more on the harder of the two.

It was interesting to watch those two play too, especially since I knew the smoker didn't really stand a chance.

"So what are you doing here kid?" Asuma asked me after a moment, I gave him a thoughtful look.

"I had wanted to say thank you." I directed my answer at the Nara, he nodded his head before turning his attention back to the game. I took a seat then looking more intently at the board.

"But you were kind of rude, so I think I'll just keep my thanks." Asuma snorted then shaking his head at me. I think he could tell there was something else bothering me but thankfully he kept it to himself.

I really wasn't acting like myself.

We sat in silence for a while after that, so I found myself wondering.

"How are the deer?" He shook his head at my question, I don't think he understood my love for them. Not many did.

The deer just got me.

"I think I missed it when you just ignored me." Rude. I turned up my nose at his statement.

"Are you always this rude?" I asked curiously, because I was. I didn't remember him being like this from the show. He ignored me, like I had him earlier.

"So how much longer until they let you run missions again?" Asuma asked to ease the air, or to try to figure out what was really going on. It was a good tactic. I shrugged, because honestly I didn't know.

Probably a lot sooner if I had said yes to them, but that was done now. Both boys actually looked at me then like it was crazy. Or you know I'm not really sure why they looked at me like that.

"You're not doing missions?" The Akamichi asked, and I nodded.

"Nope, I haven't been allowed to run missions since before the chunin exams. The last mission I went on outside of the village was almost a year ago and to think they promoted me too." That made me frown, I kind of missed being able to leave the village. Getting away was nice.

Shikamaru actually turned his full body to look at me then. "Why?" I made the gesture of 'I don't know' before sighing.

"Who knows, and I've probably just increased the time too." My tone was flippant like it actually didn't matter to me. It did, but I didn't want them to know that.

"What did you do?" I looked up at the new voice, and found the jonin commander had peaked his head outside. So he had probably heard a good portion of the conversation. I should have been paying better attention.

I was a jonin now.

Well a Tokubetsu jonin, but it really didn't make that much of a difference. I still needed to pay better attention.

Eh, who was I kidding? That was never going to happen unless I felt it really important to hide what I wanted to talk about.

"The elders tried to make me join anbu." Shikaku sighed, as if it was what he had expected. There was a knowing look in his eyes.

"I take it you told them no." I gave an affirmed head nod in response. He would more than likely understand my reasoning, at least some of them.

The obvious ones.

"Well yeah, it would have been stupid to say yes." I knew my own strengths, and I had plans that required me to defiantly not be in anbu. To never be in Anbu, they could… never mind let me not go there.

He shook his head at me before heading back into the house. The boys were still staring at me, I had kind of forgotten about them. I gave them a look.

"What?" Shikamaru finally sighed, most definitely at me. Asuma just shook his head there was a funny look in his eyes but he didn't really say much after that. Choji just continued with his eating, as if none of this really matter to him.

It probably didn't

"Anbu? Aren't you younger than us?" I might have pouted at his tone. I don't know what was wrong with me today, I was being very much not like myself.

Did I miss being around people?

That couldn't…

I mean it had been a while since I had just been around other humans for no other purpose than their company.

I didn't like it.

I gave a slight nod to answer his question, my mind wondered a bit.

I had things that I needed to be doing, things that needed to be done.

But here I was, sitting in the back yard of the Nara compound having a conversation with another human being and maybe, just slightly enjoying it. This was exactly what I wanted to avoid.

I didn't want to make any more connection with these people.

The three I had were enough.

Human connection was a disadvantage. It didn't help me here.

At least that is what I wanted to believe.

It was why trying to look through someone else's eyes was such a bad thing.

To achieve my goals, I couldn't compromise my ambitions to spare others feelings. I shouldn't have too.

I knew this.

Better than anyone.

Because I knew that these people would all suffer so much.

I shouldn't care about them.

I shouldn't concern myself with them.

I had known better.

So why couldn't I just walk away?

Because I also knew deep down, that connecting, and caring also gave you strength. Gave you fulfillment and purpose.

Things that I desperately wanted.

Things that I craved.

Feelings I had never shared with anyone.

They had finally caught up to me, I could only run from my own nature for so long.

This perspective, well it changed everything.

I skillfully pegged Shikamaru between the eyes with a shoji piece for his tone during his early comment after I pulled myself together, and crossed my arms. "Technically you are all the same age." Asuma kindly pointed out, and for some reason beyond me I stuck my tongue out at him.

There was a warm feeling inside my chest, one I had only experience with Naruto and Shishou.

It was a hard feeling to describe, and I did not know if I liked it or not.

It made me feel funny.

"How troublesome."

He was not wrong.

This was quite troublesome indeed.

XOXOX

I don't know how I feel about this chapter. Because It's hard to stay true to Mitomi when this is how the story has to progress. Odd. Oh well.

Please let me know what you guys think, you know I love hearing from you all.

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, followed, and alerted this story. You guys are the best!

As per usual I own nothing.

Sincerely, La'Rae