PERSONAL LOG: DR ALEX DANVERS, CAPT (#4.3)
- Kara Zor-El Danvers -
The Captain's chair never looked so casually enjoyed. Alex was sitting with one knee tucked against her chest, body turned slightly so she was leaning into the corner where the arm met the back. The grin on her face was infectious, wrinkling the corners of her false eye (which highlighted the fact that it was actually set to mimic her natural eye color today).
"Would you just come over here!" She called, tonging pressing against her visible canine.
"Urgh, why?" The exasperation and tone spoke degrees about the level of teenager the hidden person was indulging in.
"Because, I'm your mom," Alex replied, nodding her head with each reason she lifted. "And I asked nicely" she ignored the snort which followed, "and you love me, and I really want to talk to my sister about you."
"But why do I have to be there!"
"Well obviously because your beautiful face needs to be shared with the world!" she threw her prosthetic arm into the air (flesh looking today), exaggerating her tone cheerfully. "But also, because she's your aunt, so you might also wanna be here."
"Ugh," some shuffling, the sound of a teenager heaving themselves out of a chair with momentous effort. "Fine! But you owe me something shiny from Eodos when we land."
"Deal," Alex smiled, holding her good hand out for a shake, sealing the deal with her thirteen-year-old like she would have with business associates back home.
Said teenager immediately flopped down, so she was sitting on the floor. Leaning back against the chair, head resting back against her mother's leg still tucked up, she eyed anywhere but the camera.
The, very human looking, girl was definitely new to teenage hood, her cheeks still clinging to the ends of baby fat. Her skin was a warm light brown, yet to be inflicted with the horrors of acne. Brown hair had been growing out until recently, where she enjoyed a minor explosion in her makeshift lab and singed a chunk off the side. Rather than subjecting herself to unwanted hairdressing, she'd just taken her switchblade to the remainder – only accepting enough help to get the back resembling even. What remained was jagged, though still slightly wavy, jaw length hair, which wouldn't quite stay behind her ears.
Dressed in a too big leather jacket, she was the picture of annoyance, all the way up until Alex reached down and scratched just behind her ear. The girl tried to suppress the resulting single dimple smile, looking up at her mom anyway. Alex waited until they had eye contact, very sincerely whispering "thank you," and turning back to the camera.
"Hey Kar," she started, grinning like an absolute moron. "This," she gave a little shove at the back of the kid's head with her fingers, just enough to get her to tilt forward and smile at her mom's antics. "Very cooperative and well-behaved child is Ky," her grin amped up another notch. "My daughter."
"Stop smiling like that," Ky muttered, fiddling with someone below frame, likely her boots.
"You're not even looking at me!"
"Don't gotta – I can just tell you have that dopey grin going at like... 100 watts."
"How dare you insinuate such a thing! I am a badass Ky'lee Danvers! I Captain a spaceship, I was a secret agent, I speak a dozen languages and –"
Giggling at the antics, her single dimple lit up the camera whether she liked it or not.
"Okay, okay! You win – it's not dopey."
"That's right, you-"
"It's cheesy."
"That's it!" reaching out with her bionic arm, she (carefully) grabbed the girl around the waist, hoisting her up onto the chair with her. Before Ky could even catch her breath, Alex's fingers were digging into the softest part of her stomach – cackling mercilessly when the girl squirmed and screamed between laughter. "Who's dopey now!?"
"I- I said- Cheesy actually!" She shrieked between laughter. Hands swiping uselessly at the fingers pressing into her sides. After a few more moments of just manic laughter she finally yielded – "Uncle! Okay! You're very, very cool!"
Still giggling, Alex grinned at the kid, allowing her to wiggle away so she was sitting on the edge of the chair, shifting so she rested against her raised knee, and the adult was more sideways on the seat.
"As I was saying!" dramatically turning back to the camera, Alex continued. "This is Ky! She was aboard the original Exodus when we got deported. We've been together since the beginning, I guess? This one just wanted to know everything about everything, it got her into some trouble early on, hmmmm?"
Ky shrugged, focused on rubbing at her wrist, where the leather was folded back, rather than the camera.
"She didn't have any guardian on board, and we later found out that she was actually in the foster system – that's why she was on the alien registry," Alex looked back at her daughter, scratching at the soft air at the base of her neck affectionately. "Not quite sure how you got there, huh?"
Ky shrugged again, looking at Alex from the corner of her eye – "but that doesn't matter, right?"
"Nope, not even a little bit," she reassured, smiling back until Ky flushed a little and looked back down. "It's been just us a lot of the time for the last couple of years."
"She looked out for me," Ky offered, still not looking up, thus missing the deeply affectionate look softening Alex's face.
"We looked out for each other. And after my accident-" she shrugged her left should to indicate which accident. "We had a lot of down time to talk some things out – but didn't really become official until…" Alex squinted, trying to remember the day.
"You were getting the neural chip calibrated," Ky muttered, biting her lip. "For your arm? That's when I said it."
Alex smiled, nudging the girl with her knee. "Do you wanna tell her what you said?"
There was a long pause, where Alex just let her figure out what she wanted. There was no pressure, either which way, she just wanted to extend Ky the chance to tell her own story.
Finally, after gnawing on her lip for a minute, Ky set whisky eyes seriously on the camera, so much like her mother's it was almost biological.
"I said I was the, aonah im zhehd zhor," [Daughter of her Heart] "so I should be allowed to stay in the room, even if she was hurting."
The Kryptonese rolled off Ky's tongue like a well-worn second language. Something clearly normalized in their lives – but the look she gave the camera spoke of the significance she knew was attached to using that phrase, for this particular audience.
The smile that Alex was directing at her kid was enough to melt away any illusion that she was badass, in any sense of the term.
"I don't know the word for adopted," Alex explained, looking back at the camera. "But I figured this was a good substitute, I hope," her smile dipped into something more melancholic. "You'd approve."
"She would."
Widening her eyes and fighting a smile, Alex turned back to her kid. "Oh really? How'd you know that?"
Ky just shrugged, not even looking up from her fiddling.
Pausing more a moment to appraise the girl, Alex eventually refocused on the task at hand.
"Anyway, you know how mom always used to say, 'I hope you have a child just like you', when I was being reckless or obstinate? Yeah, well, she got her wish. She's too smart for her own good, and stubborn and brave and so staunchly protective it sometimes feels like I'm talking to you - I think you'd really get along."
"Will."
Furrowing her brows, Alex asked, "what?"
"I think you will get along. Not you'd, as in you would," she explained, actually look at her mother. "We're almost home."
Alex smiled, a touch more sad then happy, but nodded anyway.
"Scho'ty's last report said we were like, 95% there!"
Chuckling, Alex used her fingers to give her shoulder a little shove. "Been reading reports off my desk, again have we?"
"Technically, it's our desk, cause it's in our shared quarters."
"Technically, that is classified, and you were snooping," which received a very mature stuck out tongue in response. "Anyway, it's not quite that simple."
"Why, because of the distress signal?"
Eyebrows suddenly in her hairline, Alex actually straightened up for the first time, supporting her own body weight. "What?"
"I heard it same as you," when Alex's expression didn't soften, guilt started to edge into Ky's tone, and she began to pick more insistently at the cotton sleeve under her jacket. "I didn't, like, mean tohear. I heard it heard it, you know? It just happened!"
"Hey, hey," her eyebrows dropped at her daughters' sudden distress. "You're okay. It's fine, I know you didn't do anything wrong. Hey, Ky, look at me," she tugged her shoulder around so that the girl was more directly facing her. "It's okay, love, I promise."
Nodding, but otherwise not looking up, Alex sighed quietly. Tugging at the leather, which was once hers, she dragged the still slightly panicked teenager into a side hug. Resting her chin on her shoulder, she murmured into her ear too quietly for the audio to pick up. Eventually, Ky's shoulders relaxed, and she nodded in agreement.
"Okay, now go finish off that statistics work I saw jammed down the back of the bed," Alex ordered softly, leaning away again. Wide, surprised, eyes met hers and Alex chuckled. "A mother see's everything. Now go, I'll see you at dinner."
When the teenager finally stood up, she offered the camera a small smile and a very awkward wave as she passed, the clang of her jumping down from the bridge echoing in the room.
"She really is a good kid, Kar. You'd… you will love her," Alex turned back, tugging at her own sleeves, hiding her hands in the long-sleeved Exodus uniform. "She's just… the greatest, ya know? And I know that this makes things complicated, that I can't just show up at home with a teenager and expect everyone to just, get on board. But it was like fate, or something. Like, from that moment the first ship took off, we were on this collision course. And it has been the best thing to come out of this nightmare – she is the best thing Kara."
Looking off to the side, where Ky had left the frame, she smiled wistfully. "She reminds me of you guys sometimes. And I know, I know that's just her picking up on the traits that I picked up from you, but… sometimes she tilts her head just so and its Maggie." Her eyes glossed.
"Or when someone tries to argue with her, she narrows her eyes and I honestly see Lucy's Courtroom Glare. Last week! Last week she was stuck on this biology problem, and I actually got to lean over and touch the crinkle between her eyes," her jaw ticked against tears. "I just love her so much, Kara. If there are any good parts of me left, they're in her. I… can't wait for you to meet your niece."
Ringing in a new year without Alex had been a trial, but when Kara's birthday rolled around all of the Superfriends collectively winced. Kara had been through all the stages of grief by now – in fact all of them had started to settle into an uneasy acceptance. Not that Alex was gone or dead, but that they couldn't do anything about it. That, if Alex was coming back, it would likely be on her own.
It had been a hard road, and even today Kara was struggling. She'd insisted that there be no big party. That she didn't want a big hoopla this year.
So, respecting that wish, they'd all agreed to meet up at the dive, because at least that way Kara could have a drink as well. Everyone had even managed to get the night off, including Lena who was still hesitant about the whole alien dive bar scene.
Which is how the party of seven found themselves chatting around one of the larger booths tucked to the side.
Kara was nursing something very alien and very deadly but seemed to be keeping her at a nice buzz. Lucy and Lena had simultaneously ordered the best scotch available (eyeing each other respectfully), which, at this bar, wasn't saying much. The boys were on their second pitcher. Meanwhile, Maggie stuck to seltzer, given work first thing and, unlike most of the table, she wasn't her own boss.
"Hey, I just wanted to thank you guys," not quite a slur, but the edges of her words blurred as Kara interrupted the dull chatter of their table. "You've all been so good to me this last year… I don't know what I woulda done without you."
"You'll never have to know LD," Maggie responds, bumping their shoulders playfully. "We got your back." Half the table raised their glasses in agreement. It was not missed by most that both Lena and Kara's hands slipped under the table – but they were letting them come to terms with that on their own (or Lucy was making them anyway).
"I always…" Kara adjusted her glasses with her free hand, heaving a breath. "I thought that without Alex I would lose that safety net, ya know? That person who would always be there? But you guys," she looked at Lucy and Maggie "have become like the sisters I never had."
"Awwww," Winn's grin was infectious, the girls all finding themselves smiling at one and other.
"How 'bout a toast?" Maggie waved down the waiter, signaling for another round. Once he was handing out drinks, she raised her own. "To the Danvers sisters – we should come with a warning!"
Kara snorted so hard she cracked her glass, but it had the desired effect. The tension broke as everyone clinked – Lucy adding under her breath "No one could find a warning label big enough for Alex Danvers."
PERSONAL LOG: KY'LEE DANVERS
- Alex's Family –
"I don't really know how to start this, so I am just going to start talking," Ky stated, sitting cross legged on the double bed (actually just two singles jammed together). The wall behind her was intricately decorated, carefully placed constellations etched into the grey metal. "Hi… ah, everyone. My name is Ky Danvers. Ky'lee actually, but no one calls me that anymore, which is good, 'cause I hate it."
She shrugged her leather clad shoulders, which an odd outfit combo with her Exodus printed sweatpants and henley. But her mom always said that she rocked all black and could wear whatever made her comfortable. So, pajamas and the jacket Alex arrived on Exodus with it was.
"I don't even know if all of you know who I am – Mom always asks me if I want to introduce myself to you guys or something, in her diary entries, but it was just… too much pressure. To like, talk to strangers who mean so much to her… So, I almost always made excuses and she's let me, cause she's just like that. Never makes me do something unnecessary which stresses me out or makes me uncomfortable. But now I keep worrying that you guys won't even know who I am."
For a long pause, Ky just stared down at her legs, resisting the urge to twist the hems. "I built this camera myself, so I'm not sure this is even working," another shrug, tugging at her right sleeve. "Ella said that I could use the one on the bridge, or even the old communications room, but I don't like being out…" she waved at something behind the camera "there."
Her brows dipped, eyes reddening at the edges. "Everyone has this horrible pity when they talk to me – and asking me these stupid question about how I am, and if I need anything, or telling me shit like it'll be okay." She scoffed, rubbing her cheek. "They don't know that."
"I know that she keeps surviving when she shouldn't, even before this ship. She's like… indestructible or something. She's already been kidnapped twice and come back! And like, last year sometime, she was on this trading mission and someone just stabbed her! Like – they were handing off some fuel gems and she turns around just in time to see this dude jump from a nearby roof right on top of her! The knife goes right through her shoulder, and she still wrestles him down and holds him steady until he can be arrested!"
The brief smile faded, reality clashing back. "I think she thinks she's indestructible too. I know that she cares about Craig and Wan – that she feels responsible because she sent them on that pickup alone. But there was no way to know they'd be kidnapped! And even if she was responsible, she didn't have to go get them herself!"
Smacking her palms down on the sheets, the camera tilted just enough to reveal a side table stacked with tech, some of which was literally spilling off the edge. Wiping angry tears out of the corner of her eyes, Ky reached over and straightened the device, bringing her back into center frame.
"Sorry," she mumbled. "I'm supposed to be working on my anger. Ma says aliens have to be careful on Earth, that I could get hurt, just because I'm too strong or my eyes change or whatever… hey," she looked off to the right of the frame before patting the bed much more softly. "Come here buddy, it's okay."
The camera dipped a smidge when what can only be described as a large cat jumped onto the bed – orange and shorthaired – it immediately started to paw its way into Ky's crossed legs. She held her arms up and out of the way as it settled, starting to purr in her lap, the single visible foot kneading away.
"Meet Gertrude!" The smile was back, even if her cheeks were streaked damp. "I know it's a stupid name, but my Mom insisted." She scratched behind the tipped ears; the purring increased. "And like, she bonded with Mom or something – there's a technical term for what happened but its super complicated and boring. They are just companions or whatever, so no one else could choose. So, she's stuck with a dumb name – still cute though! 'Specially in this form."
"Bet you miss her too, huh buddy?" She asked.
"I hope you like us," the suddenness of the tone shift was jarring, especially considering Ky neither stopped scratching nor looked up from the 'cat'. "I hope that… Mom comes back, and she can introduce me and explain that we are zrhythrevium – or family or whatever. So that I don't have to be alone again," tears dripped onto Gertrude's fur. "She's my person. She's always taken care of me, even when I wasn't hers to take care of. I can't go back to being alone, I can't do it, I won't- I – I," tears were really starting to fall now.
The only reason the video cut off was because she reached up to grip handfuls of her own hair, the camera tilted once more – tumbling off onto the soft sheets – and leaving just the sounds of a young girl's sobs – praying that her mother would return.
While Kara's birthday passed without too much trouble, Hanukkah was still fresh on Winn's mind. The empty look in his best friends' eyes that night haunted his days. Occasionally even his dreams – the dreams that weren't filled with him shoving Alex through a closing ship door, or watching Lyra be dragged out of the dive.
He'd gotten a better handle on things the last couple of months. The girls always checked on him, and James was a near constant in his life. But the dreams still came – now including Kara's hurt more prominently.
Which is what found him knocking on her door a random Friday after work.
He knew Lucy and Maggie were both working lates, so she'd be alone. And he figured pizza with extra cheesy bread was a good enough ticket into the youngest Danvers apartment.
But knocking resulted in nothing. He was about to give in, figuring she was off superheroing somewhere. But when he glanced down, he could see that there was flickering light coming from under the door.
Carefully, slowly, he turned the nob, pleased that he wouldn't have to use his spare key.
Inside was dark. Darker than he'd ever seen the place actually. The only light in the entire room was a single candle which Kara had placed on her coffee table, right in front of where she was kneeling.
"Oh," he murmured, suddenly feeling like an intruder.
"Hey Winn," her voice was soft – she didn't turn, but she did relax slightly on her knees.
"I'm sorry, I'll go-"
"No, no," now she did turn. Just her head, just enough that he could see her profile. "It's alright, you can come in."
Cautiously, he slipped in through the door, unwilling to open it fully on this obviously private moment. Putting the boxes to the side, he slowly stepped over to where his friend remained.
"Do you mind if I finish?" Her voice was slow, softer than he could remember ever hearing it.
"Finish what?" He was just behind her now, to her right. She looked up a little, not quite catching his eye, but looking more fully at him. Then she relaxed her chin, pressing it against her own shoulder.
"I'm praying."
"…Oh"
"Would you like to join me?"
A year ago, Winn knew that he would have stuttered some excuse. Tried to extract himself from someone else's tradition and space. He hadn't even had the courage to ask to join the Danvers' sister's Hanukkah – a combination of feeling like an intruder and feeling too distanced from his own Jewish heritage to belong.
But this year, after everything that's happened, he found himself sinking to his knees beside her, returning the small smile that she offered before she turned back.
"Though we go forth alone, our soul unites us under Rao's gladsome rays." She paused, breathing deeply for a second.
"We're never lost, never afraid, for we shrink not under the sun of righteousness. Rao binds us to those we love." Another pause. This time Winn could feel Alex's absence in the room. "He gives us strength when we have none. And in the darkest places, He guides us. For Rao sees all, feels all, His love eternal. Rao, protect us, so that we might protect others. And we shall rise, a fire in His hearth, burning and free."
For a long moment, they both just stared at the candle's light – thinking about those they tried to protect and those they failed. And Winn silently sent out his own prayer, to anyone that may be listening, that someone was protecting Alex Danvers on their behalf.
LOG: Day 1,324
PASSENGERS: 53
AUTHOR: Acting Captain Drew Anderson
"I have never defied a direct order," Drew started, sitting very stiffly in the captain's chair. They were on the shorter side, hair short and messy, entirely human aside from the fact that they could shoot lasers from their eyes and fire from their hands. Their planet had been well structured, ordered. Rules were important, and ultimately what led to their downfall. But they'd been raised this way – it was what made them a good soldier. "Until today."
They rubbed their hands together, looking nervous and uncomfortable and ready to bolt.
"Al gave herself exactly 28 cycles to get into Warworld, get our crew, and get back. Today marks the 29th. We have not heard from her, but I have not evacuated."
"She is going to be furious. Maybe – only if something goes wrong. But I just could not bring myself to give the order – I cannot abandon her anymore then she could abandon those taken captive."
"So… I guess I'm breaking rank?" They scratched anxiously at the underside of a wrist. "Though, technically I'm Captain, so I suppose I make the rules. And, honestly, I will not walk down that hall and inform Ky Danvers that her mom is not coming home with us. I just will not do it – And Alex can write me up for all I care."
Confidence was growing with each word – conviction and heart taking over from their confined base instincts.
"I won't leave without her, in fact-" finally, fire entered their eyes, back straightening, dropping her fiddling hands. "If she doesn't make contact in the next two cycles, I will send another team down myself. We will not leave our Captain behind."