.19
"The city is changing. Our surroundings, and even ourselves. And then one day, just about everything will change…"~Clannad
….
The Godaime had not known what to expect of the child who had saved her former sensei's life, perhaps she had expected the girl to be similar to the brother she had met first. Or like their father, her fellow sannin had both stated a resemblance between the girl and the Yondaime. Tsunade hadn't seen it.
Not at first and not for a while.
Uzumaki Mitomi went to a long of trouble to shield her true colors. In a way she did feel for the teen, with everything that those two had endured she could understand the girl's reasoning. That however did not mean she agreed with them.
She disagreed with a lot of the ideals of Uzumaki Mitomi. The girl was too withdrawn and had an obscured outlook. Tsunade often questioned the judgement of the Sandaime and his reasoning's for pulling the girl when he did.
Kami knows that girl could have used more time around her own peers, instead of being thrown head first into the shinobi life. It is all the more evident of this fact when the loss occurs.
Because she spirals.
Tsunade doesn't notice it until it's almost too late. When the girl is almost too far gone. She gives her credit though, because even in the midst of her grief the girl hides her true feelings marvelously. Never allowing anyone to see the broken, and lost child she truly is.
A sigh falls from the woman's lips as she watches the red head girl retreat from her office. Her assistant looks over in concern. "Everything alright milady?" Tsunade shakes her head, hoping that this small thing will be enough.
She recognized the look in the girl's eye all too well, and prays to whatever deity there is that sending the girl the Yamanaka's way will save her. Somethings were just beyond her control and not a part of her already full skill set.
"We will see." The Godaime turns back to her unfinished work, pushing thoughts of the Uzumaki girl from her mind for now. She has done all she can.
A rope has been thrown down into the abyss the girl has lost herself in, all Tsunade can hope for is that she'll take it.
..
Shikamaru isn't exactly sure what to think when Ino strolls into the compound going on about the enigma that was one Uzuamki Mitomi. "I mean have you seen her lately Shikamaru?" The blonde throws herself down in the grass taking a seat next to their teammate. He pauses, his hand mid move and gives her a blank look.
"No, I haven't seen her." Since before her first mission back in the field, the one that nobody will talk about or even dare to bring up when the red headed teen is in ear shot. Ino's eyes softened briefly as her thoughts drifted back to the younger girl.
"She looks terrible, I've never seen her like that." He tilts his head in her direction a silent indication that he has some interest in what he is being told and he wants her to continue. Mitomi had always taken good care of herself, physically at least.
"The poor things clothes were just hanging on her and I'm almost a hundred percent certain she hasn't slept in months. I also heard that she'd been doing back to back missions, with barely any down time." Ino is a gossip, but the information is useful. It offered him some news on how she was doing. So he never really discouraged it. So to hear that is more than unusual, Mitomi's outfits were usually well fitted for her petite frame.
Not that he had noticed.
Their sensei is awfully quiet during the exchange, which makes him think that the Jonin knows more about the situation than he is letting on too. Shikamaru searches for anything in the older man to see if he know anything more. Asuma ends his turn and the boy can see his own win in just a few more moves, he sighs.
How predictable. Asuma never really put up a fight when it came to their games. It made for a rather boring match.
"Can we go get lunch before you two start again?" The Nara shook his head at the enquiry and made motion to stand, yeah he could eat.
"Barbaque?" Asuma suggest, because he wasn't the only one who was predictable. The boys nodded their head in agreement and Ino just let out and exasperated sigh. Typical.
He laughed at their antics while ushering them out of the yard. All previous thoughts of Uzumaki Mitomi gone from their minds.
..
She doesn't report in to the mission's desk for a few days, not that the Godaime was complaining. The child needed a break. But the fact that the girl hadn't been seen in that time either is unsettling. It was unlike her to just disappear.
The situation if handled improperly ran the risk of going south very quickly. Her predecessor and sensei had been in the office at the time when the news came through. She had never seen the old man look so amused.
Because of course Sarutobi-sensei would find the situation amusing. She watched as the old man merely shook his head as if he knew something the rest of them clearly didn't and promptly dismissed himself. He was fairly spry for a man who had almost died little more than a year ago and for his age too.
Oh the joys of iryo-ninjutsu.
The Sandaime liked to think that he knew the girl better than most, sure not as well as say her own brother or her teacher, but he had a deep rooted understanding of how she thought and could usually determind what action she would take based out of it. That had been one of the reasons he saw fit to push her like he had, to let her graduate early, to rise in rank as she did. Because he was well aware of just how much she could actually handle.
Yes the girl had the emotional competence of a stone at time, and sure her thought process was pessimistic and sometimes downright concerning. But she was a good girl at heart, and for the most part well grounded. Sometimes you just had to ignore the looks she gave or the words she spoe.
So to hear that she was 'missing' didn't surprise him in the slightest. Not now, given the situation. Not when the whole concept of her reality was falling around her, not when she was losing her grip on what she believed to be true. But then again he did know her, better than most.
In many ways she was too much and at the same time nothing at all like either of her parents. She carried burdens like her mother, shouldering them all alone but unlike the free spirit that had been the Yondaime's wife she couldn't find the joy in this world couldn't see anything but darkness. Mitomi had taken on so much in her short life too, he wondered sometimes exactly how many secrets she kept.
How much pain did she truly bear?
He didn't even want to get into the physical resemblance between the mother and daughter either. It did surprise him sometimes how not many had ever drawn the conclusion, something he had always been grateful for.
Then there was comparison between her and Minato. The one two of his former students had drawn, and even Kakashi had come too. Their minds. Mitomi was on an entirely different level than the rest of her generation intellectually, the Nara heir would be the closest match. But that might not be close.
What she lacked in emotional context, she made up for in sheer wit. The girl was a genius. If she would ever pull herself out of the pessimism and apply her mind to more useful pursuit. Like seal creation and alteration.
The work she had done just to fit her father's technique to her own fighting style still amazed him. She didn't pull her punches with it, and had it all but perfect. That's not say that she cannot make it perfect, oh no Mitomi could do perfect and perhaps even beyond that but she chose not to. Content with what she had done with it.
With all that in mind, he knows there are only two places in the entirety of their village that the girl could be. Given the circumstances it really boils down to one place, the one place she has always found the most solace. And it's not the woods and field she had spent so much time hiding in as a child either.
It couldn't be there, not when what she needed was the comfort of family. So there was only one place she could be.
Which brings us here, and now. Top of the Hokage Mountain. The same stone faces her brother had vandalized some years prior. Concealed under a mild level privacy genjutsu, knees tucked into her chest arms wrapped around them barely holding herself together.
He dispels the genjutsu before speaking, his tone contemplative with a hint of sarcasm. "A nice view, although my personal favorite is the view from the Shodai's nose."
"I thought it was from your forehead? Isn't that what you told me last time?" A chuckle escaped his lips at her words and he took a careful seat next to the teen. She surprised him by inching just a little closer.
He took in her dishevel appearance in, a frown fought its way into his eyes. This was not what he wanted for her. "Ah yes, my forehead offer a good view as well." Her eyes were locked forward, and there were tears threatening to break at the corner of them.
How long had it been since she last cried? Last lost control of her façade and just let the mask fall. The last time he can remember is when she was still a small child before the mask had even taken place. She had always buried her emotions deep, but now the dam was full and just waiting to break.
The path she had walked up until now, the path of indifference was the trail painted with most agony and upset. It broke it's travelers until they could no longer continue, he had seen many shinobi be ruined because of this path. He did not want that for her.
Because he knew how much potential she still had and how great she could be. She just had to care first.
They sit in the silence for a while, one who doesn't know the words to say and the other willing to let her figure them out. Mitomi had always flourished in her silence, her thoughts and ideas had always taken her to new heights and they had also let fall the farthest.
"What did I do?" His eyes find hers, the uncertainty clearer than ever before. Still blaming herself for things far beyond reach, things she couldn't have any possible control over to begin with.
The question echoes and expands into so many possibilities, different layers, and levels of hurt. But he knows what one she's asking then. It's so simple.
She liked simplicities.
"Nothing. It is not your fault." And with those words uttered with conviction from one of the few people to actually care about her the levees gave way and the water came pouring out flooding all in its path.
He watched as she finally broke, gross sobs escaping her lips before settling into small whimpers. She buried her head into her knees. The Third wrapped his arm around her pulling her close to his side and sat there silently just letting her cry, offering her a safe place to loose herself with no fear of being exposed.
There were so much he had messed up with when it came to twins, mistake made, but he couldn't let that ruin either of them now. No matter what, he would keep his promise to their father. The Yondaime deserved that, after everything he had given for the village.
Hiruzen would do everything in his power to protect them now, even after his original failings. Because he knows there upbringing wasn't anything like what he had originally promised Minato it would be. He had failed before but he wouldn't do that now, not when they needed him.
He swore it.
After several minutes had passed her breathing had eventually evened out, a smile ghosted its way across his mouth. She had fallen asleep.
It was the most peaceful he had seen her look in some time.
XOXOX
I think I need to explain somethings about the narration here and in the last chapter. So I'll start with this chapter, this is the perspective watching some grieve through three different outlooks all of which are equally important to the development to the story.
For starters in the first section we have Tsunade who is their leader, it the perspective of someone watching there subordinate struggle but being unable to help be it position of just circumstance of the strife. They want to help and even though they are the highest power it is not their place too.
The second is from the acquaintance/ friends whom you haven't been in constant contact with. They can see that something is obviously wrong, but they are disconnected with your trials and while there are concerned because you are no longer yourself, you haven't clued them in on what's going on and henceforth cannot even fathom being able to help you. Which is what's going on with team 10, because out of all of the rookie nine Mitomi has connected the most with them but she had intentionally kept her distance (as seen in previous chapters). In time you come to rely on this person more.
The last is from the person who is if not most familiar with you fairly close and is ultimately the most equipped to help you through a difficult time. They know you the best, know what will hinder healing and what will help comfort you. This person is your biggest supporter, they want you to break free of your bounds and want you to push forward even while you grieve. This is your stronghold, because you don't always realize how much they care but they prove it during the hardest time of your life. This person can be multiple people too.
So that's basically what all the little parts of this chapter are supposed to do and represent.
Now rewind to the last chapter and any chapter where Mitomi's emotions have conflicted with things previously said or believed.
Mitomi is a human being, who has tried to be a machine. Except humans have actual feelings and not even she can escape them. It's why I killed off Haku(as was the plan from the beginning), Mitomi had to realize this or else the story was going to continue being a conflicting narration from an almost unreliable narrator.
The jumbledness and disoriented feeling you get from reading the last chapter or any chapter that conflicts is purposeful because people change. NO one truly stays exactly the same, sure we keep some of the same things but time changes everyone, grief changes perspectives, you cannot stay stagnate you have to keep moving forward.
Living life like a cold unfeeling machine isn't living, Mitomi needed to realize that, because she needs to truly live if she wants to succeed. SO she will have to eventually compromise on what she believe to be core truths or else they'll hold her back. But that wasn't something she would come to see on her own she needed the push of a character death to do that to her.
Now her whole being is conflicted, and she's a mess. Because lies you tell yourself hurt you the most.
Alright I think that sums up everything I wanted to say on the matter!
Thank you so much for reading!
I love hearing from you guys so please, please, please let me know what you think!
You are all the best.
I apologize for any grammer or spelling or any mistakes, not proof read, gonna be honest, I don't have enough time to, so please forgive me.
Sincerely, La'Rae