Tuesday…

McGee entered the bull pen and received a "good morning" from Ziva to which he obviously replied "good morning" and immediately questioned the absence of his coworker " where's Tony?"

"Late"

"That's not good, especially on this case"

"I know, but it will be more entertaining seeing Tony getting it in the neck instead of you"

"I've got to agree there"

As McGee sat down and started his computer up who else should walk in ten minutes late other her than Tony. Trying to act as though he wasn't late Tony crept to his PC and sneakily switched it on only to have Gibbs standing behind him the whole time. "Good morning boss, traffic this morning was terrible"

"Yeah, I'm sure" he responded sarcastically. "Take this down to Abby" Gibbs said handing DiNozzo the Caf-Pow "she hasn't had her morning caffeine yet. Ziva, Ducky needs your opinion on a case he is 'sharing' with the FBI. McGee, bank statements, credit cards and financial history on the owners of the shop next to the pay phone"

"On it boss" they all replied in sync. Ziva and Tony headed to the elevator whereas McGee got on doing what he did best. Five minutes later he looked up from his computer only to find Gibbs looking straight at him. "Did I mess up or something boss?"

"Nope"

"Then why are you looking at me like that do I have something on my shirt?" McGee was starting to get worried now as he knew his shirt was clean but he still looked down to go along with the story. .

"Let's go to the conference room."Almost shaking McGee followed his boss to the empty room. Once in he got told to take a seat. "Talk"

"About what? I have nothing else on the case yet boss, the owners were clean" now McGee definitely knew something was wrong but he really hoped he was wrong for once.

"Let me see your arms Tim, please"

"Why boss? There's nothing wrong with them" now was as good a time as any to panic and McGee started to fidget ever so slightly

"Please McGee"

"But boss, they're fine and besides, there are cameras in here"

"They're off"

"How do I know that?"

"One, because you can trust me and two, I wouldn't take my blazer off and roll up my sleeves up in here if it was" Gibbs then proceeded to take his blazer off and roll up his sleeves to try and gain the trust of his young agent. McGee fell silent as his eyes widened only to see the scars running up his bosses arm. Gibbs, the tough marine sniper who he has heard all of these stories about. "Do you trust me now McGee? Mike knew about me after a few months"

"B-b-boss I-I have never showed anyone"

"Who knows?"

"Just you as it stands"

"And Ducky, he said you were good at hiding it. Not always a good thing though"

"Kate knew, she was gonna help me. She always left little drawings around to make me feel better"

"Kate had a way of doing that. McGee, you really can trust me. I'm not going to force you to show me but I would like to help. The only way people can help is if you let them in"

McGee looked down in shame and flashed back to the first time he cut. He was a young teen and his dad had just rejected him again when he asked for just a bit of moral support. He thought the pain might go away if he had something to distract him. He took the blade to his wrist and did some small cuts whilst in the bathroom. He then rinsed his arm under cold water and dressed the cuts. Then he snapped back to reality as he traced his fingers over the first scars he had made all those years ago with his blazer still on. He then willingly removed it and undid his buttoned up cuffs on both of his arms. He only had to roll the sleeves up once to let Gibbs see just how bad it was. Gibbs felt his heart sink and he let his face show it so McGee immediately started to roll them back down pretending nothing had happened. "McGee, wait" he stopped rolling his sleeves down "I just didn't want to think that it was this bad"

"L-l-look boss, I'm sorry. I should have been better at hiding it, you wouldn't have to know then and you wouldn't have to share the same burden"

"Don't be sorry McGee. If anything I'm the one who should be sorry for not seeing it"

"Am I benched?"

"No, not yet but that isn't the priority. When did you start?"

"Early teens"

"How often?"

"Every day now"

"Where on your body?"

"All over"

"Worse than our first victim?"

"You could say that but I couldn't be sure. It has got worse recently though, there has been no particular reason for it before you ask"

"Would you feel comfortable showing Ducky and me all of your scars?"

"No boss, this is as many as you see and is definitely enough questions" with that McGee almost ran out of the conference room straight to the men's room and locked himself in a cubicle. He never carried a blade with him so that he couldn't be tempted, that didn't stop him from throwing up with worry. What on earth was he going to do now Gibbs knew? He only cut when he felt under pressure even if it was the smallest school homework project he recieved.

McGee stayed there for what seemed like forever but was only five minutes. Gibbs came looking for him to make sure he wasn't going to cut but he obviously couldn't without a blade. Rule nine is the only rule he ever broke on purpose every day. "McGee" Gibbs called "I'm not mad" acting as if McGee was three. Noticing there was only one locked cubicle and nobody else around Gibbs continued "I won't tell anyone, you can trust me Tim. Please open the door"

"I'm not gonna cut myself to death, that's one thing you don't have to worry about. Leave me alone, I need to think"

"Fine. I won't talk and you can think but I'm not going anywhere"

Ten minutes later and Gibbs was still there. McGee knew his stubborn boss wasn't going move but he still didn't know what to say so he came out of the cubicle and washed his hands then splashed a small amount of water in his face. "Come and see Ducky with me, we can talk things through" McGee hesitantly followed Gibbs down to autopsy to find Palmer on a lunch break and Ducky filling in a report.

"Hello Timothy, how are you feeling?" Asked the medical examiner

"I'm fine Ducky, I'm always fine"

"Well that cannot be the case even if you think it is. You are reflecting your emotional hurt on your body. We can talk about it Timothy. Neither me or Jethro will betray your trust if that is what you are worried about. Where are your most recent cuts?"

McGee unintentionally looked down to his arms "why should I tell or show you?"

"I am a Doctor, I wish to see if they are infected and if there is anything I can do to speed up the healing process mentally and physically"

"I know they aren't infected, I've been doing this long enough to know and I am mentally stable if that's what you are worried about"

"If you insist but if you do ever need me to take a look then please ask"

"Please leave me alone, both of you"

"We only want to help McGee" said Gibbs in an attempt to win McGee back.

"I know boss but I don't want it, I'm fine the way I am" with that McGee really did have enough. He got in the elevator, went to the bull pen, picked up his bag and left for home. It took less than an hour at work for him to leave in tears. The worst part was that McGee didn't know what else to do so all he wanted to do was cut to release the pressure building up inside of his head but Gibbs stayed with Ducky knowing full well what the younger agent was going to do.

"You cannot force him to stop Jethro"

"I know Duck but I really want to. He needs to know that he's going to regret it massively, especially when he does his next dangerous cut and realises what a stupid mistake it was"

"At the moment I fear for his safety as the boy knows no other coping mechanisms, please go after him but don't force anything and don't call it stupid. You should know this too, in his head this is the way to cope and is normality and is not stupid"

"I was going to go after him anyway Duck but I feel as though I was stupid back then that's why I want to show him" with that Gibbs left autopsy and drove even faster that usual to get to McGees apartment. He found himself hammering the door only to receive no response. He then kicked the door down with one kick and raced to find the agent. He was in the bathroom on the floor, conscious, but blood was everywhere. It dripped from every one of the twelve cuts on his arms and from countless cuts on the rest of his body. He didn't even look up at his boss before he started to cry again. McGee was wearing a short sleeved top and plain black shorts, Gibbs sighed and just wished he could make all of the scars go away. Gibbs embraced McGee in a very needed hug until the tears stopped and Gibbs could dress the wounds. McGee was organised enough to have used a sterilised blade and be surrounded by medical equipment he probably uses everyday. None of the wounds hit any major blood vessels but there was still a considerable amount of blood. Gibbs helped McGee to his bed to lie down whilst he cleaned up. It took about half an hour and by this time McGee was ready to talk but still struggled to get some of his words out.

"I-I-I'm s-sorry b-boss"

"There's no need to apologise Tim, we will get you through this"

"I-I s-suppose you can see all of my scars now"

"Not all Tim. I know I had to wrap a bandage around your stomach but I didn't look at the scars because it is for you to decide whether I see them or not"

McGee then took his top off and stood next to his bed with the sun shining through the window revealing every scar that wasn't covered up by a bandage."Oh Tim" Gibbs spoke in a soft and comforting voice "why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want or need to boss which would be the same reasons why you never told Mike and he found out on his own"

"I regret it all. How I didn't tell people, how I didn't talk when people found out and most of all…starting"

"This is really the only time I have ever regretted it. Now you and Ducky know I feel pressured to talk even though you yourselves aren't pressuring me"

"Would it help if I talked about my experience some more?"

"I really don't know boss. At this point I'm willing to try anything"

"Let's try it anyway. I pointed a gun to my face ready to pull the trigger until I had seen the pieces of glass around be from the bottle of empty bourbon I had finished and smashed. I picked up a piece and one at a time I made cuts up both of my arms, small at first but then they grew over time. I continued this until Mike found out a few months later. One of my sleeves slid up a bit too much when we were on a case but Mike took the hands on approach and forced me to roll up my sleeves. Right here" Gibbs pointed to the top of his arm near his shoulder "I have a scar in the shape of a love heart, I did that on the first anniversary of their deaths"

"Shannon and Kelly?"

"Yeah Tim and I don't want you to carry on like this but I also know that you have to stop in your own time. Don't be me Tim"

"It's too late boss"

"It's never too late Tim, especially for you. We can change this"

"Look at me! I'm covered in scars!" McGee then took his bandages off to reveal the rest of his scars "how am I supposed to come back from this?! The answer is that I don't!"

"You know what I see?" McGee stayed silent "look here" Gibbs pointed to a small unmarked area of skin "a chance" he then found another small patch of skin "and here. See Tim, there is still hope"

"No there isn't. You have got to be the only person to think like that. Take one more good look then take in every scar!" Shouted McGee as he stood up and started to pace.

"Tim, please calm down" Gibbs then looked at McGee and for the first time took in how much he had missed in the younger agents life "sit back down"

"I might as well kill myself now, nobody wants me, nobody needs me! I'm unlovable!" Tim looked to the floor really believing that it was all over.

"Snap out of this McGee!" Gibbs barked "look at me" McGee continued to look down "look at me" Gibbs repeated until he got a response "you are loveable. You are not only wanted but needed. Needed by your sister, your grandmother and us. Everyone needs you"

"Boss, I work with you everyday, I know how you manipulate people."

"For Gods sake McGee! You're like a son to me. I would never say anything like that if I didn't mean it"

"Like a son boss?" McGee questioned in a near silent whisper completely blown away by his bosses admission.

"Yeah McGee. I might not be the best dad in the world but I try to be. You, Tony, Ziva and Abby are my kids, Ducky is like a brother, Mike was like my Dad. Hell, I even feel responsible for Palmer as I did Gerald when he was here"

"But how am I like your son?"

"Abby handed me this fortune when we first met, she nearly forgot about it. It says 'today's new friends are tomorrows family' which I think about every day because although I lost Shannon and Kelly I still know that I have family here and you're part of it" McGee then just sat there completely baffled at what his boss had just said, he couldn't believe it. He then realised it was too good to be true.

"No, I know you boss I know you are only saying this to make me feel better no matter what you say I know none of this is true"

"I have never lied to you McGee and I don't intend to start now. I may have kept some of the truth withheld but I never lied to you" Gibbs was beginning to get frustrated now and McGee could see it. To McGee this meant Gibbs was being truthful.

"Okay boss, if you really mean it I believe you"

"Do you want me to re-dress the cuts?"

"I can do it boss"

"I could ring Ducky so he could have a look but only if you're ready"

"You can ring him if you want but I am not letting him lecture me"

"Fair enough, don't dress the wounds in new bandages yet" Gibbs then rung his close friend and left the room McGee was in.

"Autopsy"

"It's me Duck"

"How is he?"

"Fine, he agreed to let you have a look"

"I will be there in ten minutes"

"See you then"

"Hello Jethro, I expected Timothy to answer the door"

"Aww, am I a disappointment"

"Of course not Jethro, where is my patient?"

"In there Duck" Gibbs pointed towards McGees bedroom

"Hello Timothy, how are you feeling?"

"Nervous" McGee answered who had now already re-dressed his wounds with the old bandages and was now wearing a long sleeved dressing gown that also touches the floor.

"Very understandable, this is a big step forwards"

McGee was looking for that little bit of extra reassurance so he spoke up "Please, tell me one more time that this will not go any further. I know it won't but I just need to hear it being said"

"I promise my dear boy, that decision will always be up to you about who knows and remember that I am not forcing you to show me"

"Thank you, I think I want you to see so I can get some help"

"See, that is the first step and the most difficult. You want help"

McGee then took off his long gown to reveal that he was still wearing the same shorts and top. Ducky then asked him to remove his top but only if he was comfortable with it, at first he was hesitant but did remove it in the end.

"You know you could have come to me at any point Timothy"

"I know Ducky, I just didn't want to. It's just normal for me now"

"I understand Timothy" it was then silent for ten minutes as nobody wanted to talk about the wrong things. Ducky then spoke again "I have redressed the new cuts with clean bandages and made sure they are clean but infections can still occur so please be careful when redressing them yourself"

"Thank you Ducky"

"Please tell me if you need me to check anything medically or even if you just want a chat. I am here for you, we all are" with that Ducky headed to the door and Gibbs showed him out of McGees apartment.

"Thanks Duck, make sure nobody misses you at work"

"Don't worry Jethro, I told Mr Palmer I was taking an early break and that I would return soon enough"

Gibbs then went back into McGees room. He saw McGee getting dressed for work as if everything was okay. "You are not going back to work"

"I can't just stop the one thing that keeps me from going insane. Besides, I inflicted this upon myself so making an innocent family suffer all because I decided to do this is ridiculous"

"You need time to rest, the cuts need time to heal"

"I do this nearly everyday, what makes today any different?"

"Today two people found out what you have kept concealed for something like twenty years and you did more than ten cuts. I used to have a rule which was if I did more than ten cuts I needed a break. Today you did more than ten just on your arms which says to me you need the rest of today off at least"

"You know I can deal with this and I will deal with it but it will be my way boss. I also know how hopeless you, Tony and Ziva are with computers. The technology in the bullpen wouldn't last a day without me being there to fix it"

"The world will keep spinning without you McGee. The technology stuff would just have to wait for you to come back. I do have a question though"

"Ask away boss"

"What made you do so many cuts today and how much pressure do you believe you are under?"

"I think I did so many cuts because I was disappointed in myself for not hiding it well enough and I am constantly under pressure to be the one who produces all of his work on time. I am always the well behaved one who does the work others would find impossible in record time yet gets almost no recognition"

"Everything you do is appreciated everyone around you more than you could ever imagine. I know should say how good a job you actually do more often but this is the way things have always worked around me"

"I know boss but I still can't stop my head from thinking that I could have done better and that people are disappointed with the work I have done"

"I honestly have never been disappointed in you. I have only ever wanted to teach you to learn from your mistakes. And if I ask more of you then I believe you can do more. Tell me if I push you too far Tim because I have never worked with an agent like you before so I don't know your limits"

"What is an agent like me?"

"You are technology smart, good looking enough to divert some of the women's attention away from Tony, sensitive enough to take things I do and say personally when everyone else I know distances themselves from it"

"What about yesterday when you said I was brain dead?"

"That was me being a bastard. I was very out of line and very unprofessional yesterday because I got personally involved on a case. I broke one of my own rules then"

"Boss, I don't wanna do this anymore"

"Don't wanna do what?"

"Be me" McGee then started to look to the floor again as he lost his confidence "I cut my skin everyday in hope of finding some comfort and relief. It works but it is short lived and now when I look at some of the more significant scars I just have bad memories"

"Do you want to talk about them?"

"They're just silly memories of my father ignoring and rejecting me"

"They're not silly if they have an impact on you"

"Yes they are. Now please just let me go back to work"

"No Tim. If I have to I will handcuff you to your desk and leave you there I will do it"

"What about a compromise?" asked McGee "half a day off, I will come in after lunch"

"Half a day is not long enough"

"I have never taken any time off because of this and I don't intend to start now boss. I don't want families having sleepless nights and endless days because of me"

"Technically you already took this morning off"

"It hasn't been all morning and can actually be classed as my break"

"Okay, I will compromise. I know you have to do this your way and I know you will come into work anyway but please take in the advice I give you. Don't come in until after lunch"

"I won't boss. I will be there the moment you return with your lunchtime coffee"

"Get some rest then Tim because if you don't I won't let you come back into work" with that Gibbs left and McGee started to relax on his sofa watching telly. He set his alarm for 11:30am so he could get into work for midday then decided to write in his diary about his day so far.

Dear Diary

Today has been completely insane and it isn't even half way through. Gibbs and Ducky know about everything and I have to take half a day off. Gibbs was disappointed, I could see it in his face when I showed him the scars. Ducky remained neutral, he has probably seen it all before… sad, lonely and depressed person who has nowhere else to go. I might just have a sleep now though, I'm strangely tired.

12:10pm…

Gibbs was sat in the bullpen unsure as to McGees whereabouts. Part of he thought that the young agent had taken his advice but the other part knew something was wrong but there was little he could do about it as another body had just turned up but this time it was an NCIS agent. The agent was fairly new to Washington and was nicknamed Special Agent Green due to his quiet, rule following personality. Gibbs knew of the new guy and heard that he was good at his job, for a newby. Having him turn up in autopsy at such a young age was a devastating blow the heart of the entire agency. It was evident that it was their serial killers work as there was no fingerprints, no DNA and the same gun used in exactly the same way. The young boy had self harm scars up his arms but not as many as the serial killers previous victims. The scars were old and in the young lads past, he never hid them as he was comfortable with talking about it to people which was something Gibbs could only dream of. This serial killer has the potential to destroy hope to all those who self harm and to bring up the past of anyone who has ever self harmed no matter how long ago. Gibbs knew he had to catch this loon before the media got wind of it as this could set people back months in their recovery. This just made him worry about McGee even more. He decided to make a house call to McGees apartment as the younger agent broke rule three which he never does.

Ten minutes later Gibbs arrived at McGee's apartment. He knocked on the door only to notice that it was open with only a pen jammed in the doorway. With his weapon drawn he cautiously entered the apartment only to find it almost how it was before. Something was different. There was a book or some sort of a diary on the floor, a pen in the doorway and a pillow on the floor but there was still something else. The sofa had been moved to the left. Gibbs then put it back in its place but found that it covered a small amount of blood. There was no doubt that the killer was going to come back and clean up, he probably left the door open on purpose so he could get back into the apartment easily. Gibbs knew he had to find McGee soon. Ducky discovered that all of their current victims died less than a few hours after being reported missing but none before being reported missing which could mean that McGee had a bit more time. Gibbs then wasted no time in ringing Ducky and asking for his advice "what am I supposed to do Duck?"

"In this case Jethro I believe finding McGee alive and maybe sharing his secret would be more useful than finding him dead and keeping it"

"What if the killer changed his MO?"

"Why would he? Oh, that's a good idea but you would have to lie or at least implicate lies"

"I'm prepared to do that if it means not betraying McGees trust and keeping him alive"

"Well I will back you either way. Take pictures of everything if you have your camera as it will save Tony and Ziva going to the apartment. If they did go they would snoop just as much as they normally do, if not more and they may still discover what you are trying so had to hide. Also, don't forget to take a sample of the blood"

"I put too much pressure on him Duck"

"You weren't to know but now is not the time for guilt"

"I know but I still I should have known" Gibbs then hung up on Ducky before he could regale another story and rung DiNozzo. "McGee is missing DiNozzo"

"Boss it's Probie, he's probably at home playing fairy games"

"I'm at his home DiNozzo"

"I'm sending you the pictures I have taken through McGees laptop"

"Don't break anything boss" DiNozzo chuckled

"Find him DiNozzo! Track his cell, track the GPS in his car and put out a BOLO"

"Could the serial killer have changed his MO boss?"

"I don't know Tony. McGees car is missing and I can't see his cell phone here, maybe he is targeting the Navy in general"

"Could be boss. His car is at an abandoned gas station about a mile away from his apartment"

"What about his cell"

"Just checking it now and it looks like…"

"What DiNozzo? Spill!"

"I just got a text from Probie, says 'help, trapped, can't breathe, smell petrol' tracked it back to the petrol station but now the tracker has gone off"

"Someone turned it off" Gibbs then raced to his car, after picking up the notepad that was on the floor, and hung up on DiNozzo. It took him less than a minute to get to the station. He burst into the empty shopping area clearing the isles as he went. He then received a text from DiNozzo 'we r 5 min out boss' which he probably sent to make sure Gibbs was expecting them and wouldn't shoot them accidentally. The 'we' Gibbs presumed to be Ziva as nobody else drives that quickly other than her, that and the fact that DiNozzo can't multitask when it comes to texting at the wheel. Gibbs then entered the back of the store where all of the lights were out and the windows were covered in a black felt. From what Gibbs could see there were two rooms, one open holding some old and more than likely out of date stock, the other closed off and smaller with the odd crate. He cleared the big room first as an unwanted surprise wouldn't be appreciated then made his way to the more sinister looking room. The door was already open and he started to hear some movement. It was like something was stuck and could only just move. The sound came from one of the crates. Gibbs swept the rest of the room first and then turned his attention to the crate that appeared to be nailed shut. He then heard further noises, a lot like scratching. It took a couple of minutes but when he opened it he couldn't believe how stupid he had been. The phone, the car, the text…they were all decoys. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" After hearing Gibbs shout the small creature in the box tried to hide as it backed away