A/N: Hello again, glad to see that you are still reading my story :-) Time for an appearance by a certain doctor I think...

Wednesday 3am

After what felt like a short nap McGee woke from a nightmare which involved him being dead and Elliot going after Gibbs so all he could do was sit and watch. The team didn't know where his body was and had no clue Gibbs was the next target. It got to the point of Elliot having Gibbs in the same position as he did McGee, hands bound by string above his head and Gibbs in a very sorry state. The very same knife being dragged along his skin and in the same barn but this time his boss had given up. There was a defeated look in his eye and with no more fight left in him the body of his missing agent was revealed. Gibbs felt entirely responsible. The knife was then held to his throat and he awoke. Breathing erratically he reached for his bag to get a drink of water. This was going to be the first of many sleepless nights. The young agent paced around the room then went for a walk on the roof to clear his head. From there he could see the many thousands of stars on view to the world and realised how beautiful they are yet so simple. Once calm he thought he could try and sleep again but he was wrong. It took him half an hour to get back to sleep only to wake up again an hour later at 4:30am with a different nightmare which involved him being back in the same situation but in a different and frantic mind-set giving Eliot the reaction he thrived on. Deciding to do the sensible thing he took a couple of the sleeping tablets he found in a box at the bottom of his bag. He started to feel drowsy soon enough but only then did he consider the blade that was now stashed in the zip pocket of his bag, thankfully it was too late. The sleeping pills took him right the way through to 10am but that doesn't mean that there wasn't any more nightmares.

Gibbs told everyone to get in for midday due to yesterday's late night. So Tim decided to seek out the name of the psychiatrist scheduled for his fitness for work evaluation. It turned out to be the one and only Dr Kate's sister, Rachael Cranston. How on earth could he talk to her about all of this? She is close friend of the entire team, it would just feel wrong.

Midday came around soon enough and so did McGee's scheduled time with Dr Cranston. Although they greeted each other as friends, they both knew this had the potential to put an end to Tim's job be it temporary or permanent.

"Agent McGee, nice to see you again"

"And you"

"So, how are you coping?"

"I'm coping just fine thank you"

"Tell me, what actually happened last night?"

"You've read the report, you know what happened doctor and believe it or not I'm fine"

"Okay, how did you sleep last night?"

"Slept right through from about 1 to 11, a solid 10 hours sleep"

"The bags under your eyes say otherwise Tim"

"However I do feel fully refreshed and ready to work"

Knowing Tim was holding back Dr Cranston changed tactics "How does it feel?"

"How does what feel?"

"Everyone knowing about your self harm?"

"I-i-It d-doesn't bother me"

"Now we both know you are lying. You can talk to me; I'm not going to take your job away from you unless it is absolutely necessary to your full mental recovery and I can tell from the way you are holding it together right now that I don't need to do that."

"You already know what I'm like from last time you visited doc, do I seem any different?"

"No you don't which concerns me slightly. Right now talking is a better option."

After weighing up the options in his head Tim decided to talk. "It annoys me; I wanted to tell people in my own time"

"That is understandable, how do you cope with the urges at work?"

"I force myself to leave my blades at home so it doesn't interfere with this part of my life" this wasn't really lying, it just wasn't telling her about the blade he has in his possession.

"That is a good idea but you must be tempted"

"Yes but when you're trying to quit it's the best thing for it"

"How long have you been trying to stop?"

"Long enough to say I need a different tactic"

"Who knew prior to last night?"

"Ducky apparently knew for a while but Gibbs has only known for a couple of days."

"Nobody else?"

"Kate knew" McGee smiled at the memory that appeared in his head, Dr Cranston took this as a positive sign. "She was always kind enough to leave little notes around to cheer me up and keep me going."

"You miss her?"

"Yeah, we all do but we wouldn't be who we are today if things happened differently."

"So are you going to tell me how you slept last night or do I have more work to do?"

Deciding to be honest he gave up the information about the minor difficulty he was faced with last night. "It was a bit of a rough night, couple of nightmares. No big deal."

"What did they entail?"

"Me being dead with Gibbs being next in one and me panicking in the other, I woke up after both"

"Anymore?"

"Yes but they were broken and I took sleeping pills to get me through. Plus they were just the same sort of dream."

"

It says here that you were taken from your house, is that where you slept last night?"

"No, I slept in Abby's lab with a sleeping bag and her stuffed hippo Bert"

"Where do you think you will sleep tonight?"

"Hopefully here, I don't think I'm ready to face my apartment again just yet"

"You have to face it sometime"

"Maybe tomorrow night"

"What about your friends houses?"

"If you mean the team me and Abby have history which is a bit bumpy so it doesn't want repeating, Tony has a one bedroomed apartment and sofa isn't the comfiest, Gibbs never locks his doors and I don't even know where Ziva lives let alone the number of bedrooms she has"

"You don't call them your friends?"

"Well, I guess Abby is but Gibbs really is just my boss and I still don't know where I stand with Tony and Ziva after them finding out he way they did. I suppose Palmer is a friend too come to think of it but I don't want to impose on him and his new girlfriend."

"Seeing that the best thing for you is to return back to work as soon as possible I will sign your fitness for work evaluation as passed but I want to see you back sleeping at home by next week and for you to have cleared the air with Tony and Ziva too. Same place same time next week Tim, don't let me down."

"Thank you Dr Cranston"

"But if these things don't happen I will definitely be withdrawing my evaluation. Do you understand?" Tim only nodded in response to this.

With his signed sheet he exited the room calmly then sprinted to see the director. He accepted the form with no queries however he did want to make sure for himself that his agent was ready for field duty, he would never forgive himself if something happened because he didn't check. "Take a seat Agent McGee" Vance spoke softly. "How are you feeling?"

"Feeling fine Sir, ready to work"

"Are you sure you don't want some time off? What you went through must have been extremely traumatic"

"The best thing for me to do is work it off Sir, I won't let anyone down"

"Very well, I won't keep you any longer" Tim nodded at the director as he left and was very eager to inform his boss of the good news.

As he headed down to the bullpen he realised that Tony and Ziva were there so he decided to put off the news but Gibbs had other ideas. He called his agent over who was walking down the stairs. "So?" questioned an impatient Gibbs.

"I passed, a couple of things have to be sorted by next week but I passed"

"Well done Tim. Since we don't have a case I'm calling it a day so we can all go home, be in bright and early tomorrow but if get a case between now and tomorrow I will be calling you all in." Tony and Ziva didn't have to hear those words twice before heading towards the elevator and they expected their co-worker to follow right behind them except he walked to the other side of the bullpen and presumably to Abby's lab. As the doors closed Tony noticed that Gibbs seemed to have quite a tight grip on McGee's shoulder but thought nothing of it. McGee wasn't dragged out of the bull pen he didn't particularly want to go with Gibbs as he could tell there were questions to be asked with the way his bosses face turned red with anger. Obviously Gibbs shut the elevator down to speak to McGee but he didn't expect this… "What is this?" Gibbs questioned pulling something out of his pocket.

"Boss why did you go through my bag?"

"If I never found a blade I would have been shocked but because I know you and what you are going through I knew there would be one. You are not having this back and I'm only doing this because sometimes I wished someone would just take the opportunity away from me."

"B-b-boss I haven't even used it since I have been here"

"I know but you still bought it with you which means that you have been thinking about it"

McGee thought about not having it and maybe it was a good idea. At least that was what he thought until the urges started to attack him. A few of the less intense ones passed with ease and he was proud of himself for dealing with them but, just as things started to get better a really intense wave of pressure hit him which he couldn't ignore so he went for a walk. It distracted him long enough for him to find Abby who had decided to stay back a little longer than the field team. He didn't speak to her, he just sat there on a stool next to her. She knew that he just needed someone to be near and he knew Abby would be there. The strong urges passed and Abby started talking to her friend. "How you feeling now then?"

"Good"

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not really Abbs, it's not too difficult"

"I am here for you Timmy" Abby smiled at him before he left.

Choosing to do the sensible thing Tim went for a walk off the base to clear his head. He walked to a nearby supermarket and bought a couple of toiletries that he had forgotten to bring from home but he was then faced with the he opportunity to buy some razor blades, this time he gave in. Besides, who would know but him?

When he got back he put his stuff in Abby's lab and hid the blades where even Gibbs wouldn't find them. He then went to visit Ducky to get his dressings changed but there was no escaping his questioning.

"Ahh, Timothy. How are you holding up?"

"Just fine Ducky. Do you have a minute to change my dressings?"

"I always have time for family, take a seat" Ducky tapped his had on a free metal table.

McGee jumped straight up onto the table but groaned slightly at the pain, he forgot that the wounds were still healing. "I'm not used to the sort of cuts he did"

"I expect not my dear boy. How do you feel in terms of everything that has been going on?"

"Fine I guess, I'm really trying not to cut but it is really difficult"

"It will be, quitting the habit of a life time is a daunting task for anyone. Trying to stop completely straight off may not be the best thing for you, maybe gradually reducing it could be a better option. Reducing it by any amount is an achievement, even by one cut a fortnight."

"It definitely won't feel like one"

"But you don't know that yet"

"I do, it will feel like I have failed" Ducky had to rethink his approach seeing that the agent was having doubts.

"Okay, so when you do cut how many times do you do it?"

"About five, sometimes more, sometimes less"

"And how often is that?"

"Daily"

"So you can do this one of two ways. Cut five times every two days or four times everyday, and don't do it at all if you don't feel the need"

"But I would still be cutting and I don't think Gibbs would appreciate it"

"You would be surprised Timothy, it took a lot for him to get to where he is now" little did McGee know Gibbs still had big issues with this subject no matter how far he has come. Ten minutes later McGee left with all new bandages around his stomach, ribs and legs. As he was leaving he bumped into Gibbs who guessed that McGee's bandages had just been changed from the way he was limping, if there is one thing Ducky isn't an expert in it was bandaging legs in a way that blood still flowed to the toes properly. Ducky was disappointed to see Gibbs because he already knew what he had done just from what day it was.

A/N: So, what did you think? Will little Timmy get over all of this? And what exactly has Gibbs done to disappoint Ducky?

As always constructive criticism appreciated.