A/N: Sorry it has been so long, the life of a student isn't an easy one. Since I last updated I have spent a bit of time avoiding deadlines, a bit of time getting into trouble with teachers and a bit of time writing - but not FanFiction... I have a Facebook page (which I have probably already mentioned), it is available here and I update it more frequently, this is because not all of my writing is FanFiction related so please check it out. I also use it to post sneak previews of Fanfic stories I am thinking of and ones I am beginning to develop so if you are one of those people who enjoy getting information before everyone else then it is definitely worth a quick glance. Lastly, I hope you all had a fantastic holiday season, I for one had a wonderful Christmas and a New Year's celebration that reminded me what life was all about. HAPPY READING! :-D
A couple of minutes later Tony was able to snap McGee out of it. "Hey Tim, how ya feeling?"
"Fine Tony"
"Don't lie to me Tim, you were completely zoned out and you look you have seen a ghost"
"I'm just a little shook up"
"Well yeah, I can see that. Gibbs is on his way"
"What? Why?"
"I was worried Tim. He is coming to take us back to the Navy Yard"
"No, I can't do that. I need to stop here and face it all."
"Not yet, it's obviously too soon for you. The mental scars need to heal as well as they physical ones"
"I don't think I can stand another night sleeping on that floor"
"I got a sofa"
"Nah, it's okay Tony. That sofa has barely been sat on let alone slept on; it will be like sleeping on a rock"
"Suit yourself"
As expected ten minutes later Gibbs turned up and the pair we waiting outside for their lift. They all sat in silence for the whole journey back as nobody wanted to talk and McGee was on the verge of passing out from the vast amount of alcohol he had consumed.
The journey to Abby's lab once they arrived was short and McGee fell asleep in a record breaking time. Tony and Gibbs sat in the next room and began talking. "How was he when he was out with you?"
"He wasn't the happiest of people"
"Did he talk to you about anything at all?"
"No boss, all he did was drink and stare into space all night"
"Okay, do you think he should see Dr Cranston again?" Asked Gibbs.
"I think it will just push him over the edge, maybe convince him to talk to Ducky first"
"Thanks for taking him out Tony"
"No problem boss, he is like the brother I never had"
"Do you need a lift home?"
"If you're heading that way"
"I'm not but I will drop you anyway"
"In that case I will catch a cab"
"You sure?"
"Yeah Boss, you should be here for McGee when he wakes up"
Gibbs then set his sleeping bag and pillow down about a metre from McGee. Two hours later Gibbs found himself being awoken from his light slumber by some quiet muttering. "G-g-go away" Gibbs listened to what Tim was saying "l-l-leave him" who was the 'him' McGee was referring to? "P-p-please" it sounded like he was pleading for someone else's life.
Gibbs thought it best to wake his sleeping agent. "Tim" Gibbs tapped him on the shoulder "Tim" Gibbs called as he shook him slightly then he finally head slapped Tim and, as if by magic, he awoke.
"Heyy bosss" McGee spoke in a slightly slurred speech "whatcha doin heree, Gibbs almost chuckled at the young agents words.
"You were having a nightmare Tim"
"Was I? I don't remember." With that Tim put his head back on his temporary pillow, Bert the Hippo, and fell back asleep. Gibbs guessed that he underestimated how much Tim actually drank and went back to sleep himself. Everything was fine until McGee started to slip into another nightmare and wake Gibbs, again. This was beginning to annoy Gibbs but he thought he would let Tim play this one out. He pretty much repeated the same things as last time but this time the nightmare continued. Gibbs noticed that Tim started to twitch and move more which he thought nothing of until the agent started to violently thrash about, this is the point at which Gibbs chose to intervene. This time the agent did remember that nightmare and he wasn't going to forget it in a hurry. "Hey Tim, can you hear me" McGee was in a state of shock so Gibbs got up to get him a drink. Gibbs tipped some water onto his hand and splashed it in McGee's face and then handed him the bottle. "So what happened this time?"
"Nothing boss, it was just a bad dream"
"McGee it was not just a bad dream, you need to talk about it"
"But it is too upsetting and you will just run and tell Ducky or Dr Cranston"
"Tim, look at yourself, the sweat is pouring off you and you were in shock when you woke up. I won't tell Ducky if you don't want me to but I have to tell Dr Cranston because you may not be fit for work and working might make you worse."
"Please don't tell her boss, she won't let me work."
"Maybe that is a good thing, time off might help you get over it all"
"This isn't something I can just get over boss, I need to work through it. Time off work will not help"
"Whatever you say Tim, I am here if you need to talk but I do need to tell Dr Cranston about what has happened. If you do want to talk specifically about the nightmares I won't tell her any of that. Are you gonna go back to sleep now or are you gonna go for a walk?"
"I'm gonna go for a walk, on my own." Slightly wobbly, McGee got up and went for a stroll.
He returned half an hour later to discover that Gibbs was already asleep so he tried to do the same. It didn't take him that long to fall asleep again; it was staying asleep that was the issue. He still woke numerous times before he was due to get up the next morning and every time he woke Gibbs too.
Gibbs wasn't annoyed or angry but he was frustrated because he couldn't do anything to fix this, he was so used to the physical injuries that he forgot how to deal with the mental ones.
At 6:30am Gibbs got up and started to get ready for another days work, he crept out of Abby's lab without making a sound yet Tim started to stir anyway.
Gibbs was ready to start working at 7am sharp and so was Abby but she arrived at her lab to find her friend violently twitching in his sleeping bag. On this occasion he managed to wake himself up but realised that he had just scared Abby.
"Oh my gosh Timmy, are you alright" she said as she sat down next to him forcing him into a tight hug.
"I'd feel much better if you just let me breathe Abbs"
"Right, sorry"
"What time is it?"
"A couple minutes after seven, Gibbs wants you in at eight"
"What about the others?"
"They had to be ready for seven, unlucky"
"Thanks Abby, I better start getting ready" Tim said as he rolled up his sleeping bag and put his things in a tidy pile.
"Don't forget breakfast Tim!" Abby shouted as her friend exited the room.
Meanwhile, the rest of the team were working in the pumpkin coloured squad room. They were just catching up on the endless piles of paperwork; a lot of it was from McGee's kidnapping and rescue mission. At around 7:30am Gibbs disappeared which was entirely normal but what wasn't normal was that he returned with no fresh coffee. Instead of the coffee run Gibbs had been on the phone to Dr Cranston, he mentioned the nightmares which were entirely normal but the violent shaking and the amount of time spent in shock weren't. Although she was busy she agreed to visit McGee again today to discuss what Gibbs had mentioned.
At 8am, on the dot, McGee arrived ready to begin a full day's work but Gibbs had other ideas. He pulled McGee to one side and explained how today was going to work. "I spoke to Dr Cranston, we both agreed that you shouldn't be working today."
"But boss, this is the only thing that keeps me going"
"I know that Tim but we need to get this sorted before it gets worse"
"So she is revoking my fitness for work eval?"
"Until she sees you today, yes"
"And after that?"
"It's up to her, she will be here soon"
Soon couldn't come soon enough for McGee, he had been pacing the floor in Abby's lab for the past hour and finally he got the call from Gibbs telling him that she had arrived, the woman who decides his future.
The meeting took place in the same room as last time but this time Gibbs was present as well.
"Hello again Tim"
"Hi Dr Cranston"
"So me and agent Gibbs have been discussing what happened last night" McGee shot an angry looks at his boss and continued to listen, Gibbs just brushed these off as he knew he was doing the right thing "we have both agreed that you should take some time off to get over this, it was a very traumatic experience" McGee just sat there staring blankly at the floor, how was he supposed to get through this now?
"Please don't do this." He spoke in words quiet enough to be a whisper.
"It will only be temporary, a couple of weeks might be enough for you, and your job is not at risk at all"
"Please Dr Cranston; this is the only way I can cope"
"We can't have you working in the field, you could make a mistake that puts you and your team in danger"
"What about desk work? I can't do any damage there"
"What if you come across another case linked to self-harm? I don't think you would be able to cope at the moment, what do you think?"
"I think that is extremely unlikely to happen again, it's the first one I have come across"
"The answer is no Special Agent McGee, I cannot permit you to do any sort of work whilst you are this unstable and sleeping on the floor of a science lab"
Gibbs just sat there silently continuing to listen to both sides of the argument. "I am begging you" tears appeared in the young agent's eyes "I can't be at home on my own for two weeks"
Dr Cranston was glad that she had finally broke down that wall, she just wished that is didn't cause him so much pain. "Why is that Tim?"
"Because I don't trust myself enough anymore and I can barely step foot in there let alone sleep there" a few tears escaped.
"What are you worried about?"
"I'm worried that I will self-harm to the extent of hospitalisation because of the kidnapping, it brings back too many bad memories" another tear appeared and escaped rolling to freedom.
"Do you want to talk about them?"
"It's not the experience of the kidnapping or the pain that I'm talking about, it's the nightmares that are the worst because I can't do anything or think rationally"
"Special Agent Gibbs, could you perhaps give us a minute" asked Dr Cranston, Gibbs obliged knowing that McGee was finally getting somewhere. "Tim, please could you tell me what happens in the nightmares." He didn't speak a word, the only noise that escaped were the quiet uncontrollable sobs. "I know this is upsetting for you but I just want you to take your time, I have all day"
"A-a-s much as I want to tell you I-I-I can't"
"Why is that?"
"I-I-It's too upsetting for you, n-not just me"
"You have no need to worry about me, I have heard all of this before and more, it is my job"
"O-only if you are sure"
"I am Tim, I promise"
"It's the same sort of situations over and over again." McGee explained attempting to keep both the tears and the stuttering at bay "Just one example is where my hands are bound above me head and my feet are tied. Gibbs is where I was found, in the centre of the room and I'm directly opposite but we are separated by about 3 metres of space. Elliot starts on me, he cuts my skin in the most painful ways possible wanting me to scream and cry as Gibbs watches, then Gibbs tries to intervene. He knocks the knife out of Elliot's hand so the attention is now on Gibbs, he hurts Gibbs the same way he hurt me and to see him so much pain was horrifying but instead of stopping he just continues. He carries on and on and on until Gibbs faints from the sheer amount of pain he is in." Some silent tears escaped the agent's eyes "But he doesn't stop, he carries on for my 'benefit', then he finally slits his throat right in front of me and I'm completely helpless. I have no choice other than to sit there and watch, I then wait for him to turn around and start on me again, he cuts into my skin but I'm numb. I feel immune to whatever Elliot does because I watched the only father I ever had in my life die, I then close my eyes in the dream and wake up in reality. Sometimes I try swinging to reach Elliot before he kills Gibbs, other times I move around as much as possible to make things as difficult as possible for Elliot. As I said, it just varies" McGee then reached for a tissue he had in his pocket and dried his eyes but remained staring at the floor, reliving that in the real world has got to be one of the most difficult things he has ever had to do.
"Thank you for sharing that with me Tim, that has been really insightful." Little did McGee know Dr Cranston was absolutely gobsmacked at the things McGee has had to experience on a nightly basis.
"Some are more insignificant than that" McGee spoke voluntarily. "It starts as I'm getting home, I sit down on the sofa and hear something so I stand up and draw my gun but an arm comes from behind me. It places me in a headlock using just one arm then put a cloth over my mouth with another, the cloth was obviously soaked chloroform but I'm still semi-conscious. The person then puts some form of bag or cloth over my head however, I am unable to move." McGee took a noticeably deep breath before speaking again "they change all of the time so I never have the chance to work out how to solve the problems in the dream."
"The problems are not in the dream; they are here, in the real world where we can face them as a team."
"I don't want to face them, they are too much for me to handle"
"On your own, maybe they are probably too much but just look around you Tim, look at your support network."
"My support network is at work, I am currently not allowed to work so I have no support network"
"You know that isn't true, all it takes is a phone call"
"So I am supposed to wake members of my team up in the middle of the night just so I can discuss my petty nightmares, I don't think so."
"If you don't talk and explain things to them how are they going to understand?"
"I don't want them to understand, if they knew it would hurt them. They would look at me differently and I really don't want or need that"
"Surely sharing the burden would be better for everyone?"
"No, I'm not telling them"
"Okay, I'm not going to force you. Also, what you have told me only secures the decision to keep you off work for a short period of time." By this point McGee had given up fighting the decision and Dr Cranston called Gibbs back into the room. "We are going ahead with the initial plan, I will come to re-assess you in a week but as of now you are mentally unfit to work so I am withdrawing your fitness for work eval." McGee then piped up thanking Dr Cranston for her time.
Gibbs escorted Dr Cranston out of the conference room where Dr Cranston ceased the chance to have a private word with Gibbs. "Off the record I think you should offer him the spare bedroom in your house, install Wi-Fi and fit some locks, I have a feeling that is the only place he will feel safe." Gibbs just nodded and made sure she was on the elevator.
Doing that would be a big step for Gibbs but that was a step he was willing to take if it helped Tim. He then went to find McGee which wasn't that difficult as the agent hadn't moved. "So, Tim, how would you like to stop at my house?"
"That's a kind offer Boss but- "
"Don't decline just yet. I have a bed which is already better than Abby's lab floor, I will have that Wi-Fi stuff installed and I will fit new locks to all of the doors."
"You don't have to do that for me Boss"
"No I don't, but I want to. Besides, you can't exactly stay at work now your eval has been revoked"
"I guess I'm gonna have to take you up on that offer then"
A/N: So, I hope you enjoyed that. Please review, it's nice to see all of your wonderful responses. To my repeated reviewers... I really appreciate your support, thank you for sticking with me. To those who give me criticism... thank you, it really helps to hear your opinion on the way I write about things. If you are both of these - you are absolutely epic.
And remember, if you need support in the UK as a child or young adult Childline are the people to turn to. If you aren't in the UK they still have really good written information and advice here too which is worth reading.
If you are an adult in the UK Samaritans are always there if you need them.
In the USA, I have quickly looked up a website which looks like it offers good advice but as I don't live over there with you guys I don't know about the widespread support available (if any).
All Countries: If you know of any helpful phone numbers or websites feel free to post these in the reviews alongside your country. If you don't wish to post them yourself then by all means message me and I will post mention it at the end of the next chapter without revealing your name.