A/N: Hi All, I know it has been some time since I have uploaded anything - But I want you to know that I never stopped writing. So here is the long awaited next chapter.

After that conversation McGee went down to Abby's lab and collected what few belongings he had there, of course Abby helped him pack everything, it only took about ten minutes. Bar a carrier bag and a sleeping bag he only left with a rucksack of items, including his blades hidden away in a secret pocket he created at the very bottom of his bag.

After saying his farewell to Abby he headed up to the bull pen to meet Gibbs, the older man thought it best to go with McGee to get some more items from his apartment to move into Gibbs' house. Dr Cranston also mentioned that it was important to make the house have a "home" vibe so McGee's personal items were his best idea of doing that. Tim said goodbye to Ziva and Tony and the pair were on their way. It wasn't a grand goodbye but it was a heartfelt one, Ziva gave McGee a hug despite their argument earlier in the week and Tony gripped onto the man he saw to be his brother and said "You will be back before you know it, I know you will". Those words meant a lot to Tim, he now knew someone had belief in him, little did he know Gibbs did too but he just never said it.

When they finally got to McGee's apartmentit was a battle to get him inside. He feared that the flashbacks would repeat the same way they did with Tony last night.

"McGee, I'm not going to let anything happen to you, he isn't coming back"

"But what if the flashbacks and the nightmares do?"

"Then I will snap you out of it and we will leave, I will come back tomorrow to pick up some stuff for you"

"Why are you doing all of this?"

"Because I care, now come on" on that McGee followed his boss cautiously into the apartment block, up the stairs and through his front door. Hesitantly McGee entered the apartment, for both of their peace of mind Gibbs cleared the whole apartment but he knew it would be clear anyway. Despite his efforts Gibbs could see the fear on his agent's face; it was horrible to see him like this. He had complete belief that McGee could get through this but he didn't know if he would ever be the agent he used to be. Whilst at the apartment McGee packed a large sports bag full of clothes, a couple of personal items and some home comforts such as a blanket. Gibbs focused on the things McGee didn't think of like the food ready to go off in the fridge, rather than wasting it all he put them in a separate bag and decided to take them home, he wouldn't eat any of it but McGee would. The whole process took little more than 20 minutes, safe to say that McGee was the first one out of the door.

Once home Gibbs showed McGee to the spare, and very dusty, room to unpack whilst he cooked lunch – steak of course. At one point Gibbs entered the younger agent's room with some fresh bedding and found that McGee was already settling in quite nicely. On his journey back downstairs Gibbs received a phone call from Dr Cranston arranging a time for them to meet up for McGee's next check-up, due to her busy work schedule she could only fit McGee in either 4 days' time or 9, refusing to neglect her friend's health they pair opted for the appointment in 4 days and ended the conversation. Gibbs then broke the news to McGee, he was in two minds about the earlier appointment, one hand it could show Dr Cranston how much he had been improving quicker but equally, he knew he wasn't going to be miraculously better by Monday morning.

Eventually they both sat down to eat, Gibbs kept the conversation light and friendly but did mention that McGee should try and catch up on some sleep. Soon enough lunch was over and Gibbs had to return to work, he wasn't happy leaving McGee alone but he had to tell himself that McGee wasn't going to get through this if someone was stopping him make the mistakes before he made them so reluctantly, he departed promising to return before 7pm. It was currently 2 o'clock so Gibbs was being ambitious when he said that, the team had plenty of time to catch a case between now and the end of the shift, he just hoped that the director would be understanding and perhaps pass the case up to another team if it arose. Once he returned to work Gibbs found it difficult to keep his mind where it was supposed to be, he was really concerned about McGee and a few times he glanced at the empty desk left of the TV centred in the middle of the bull pen, it was odd to not have Tim there but something he was going to have to get used to. Tony saw that his boss was struggling so approached his desk when Ziva left for a bathroom break.

"He's going to be fine boss"

"I know, but what about him getting back to work?"

"This is McGee we are talking about, nothing is going to stop him, this is going to take time but he will do it, you don't need me to tell you this you know"

"I really don't but you saw the fear on his face in his apartment the other night, he can't cope"

"That is only temporary Gibbs, give it time"

"I hope you're right DiNozzo" on that Tony sat back down at his desk shortly followed by Ziva returning to her desk.

It got to 4:30pm and Tony finished his paperwork, at 4:40pm Ziva finished hers so they both went for a break, they returned at 5pm with coffee and an agreement. They both approached Gibbs' desk and Ziva placed Gibbs' coffee down on his desk. "Boss, let us help" spoke Tony. They were both aware that with Gibbs being the superior he had more paper work than they ever would.

"We have finished all of our paperwork Gibbs, it only makes sense" added Ziva

"I appreciate the offer but the answer is no"

"Suit yourself" Ziva replied swiping a couple of files from Gibbs' desk. He threw his arms up in protest but all Ziva did was hand one file to Tony and sat down herself with the other.

With the help of his agents the paperwork got done significantly quicker and they were all wrapped up for 5:40pm giving them all enough time to be home before 6pm. Normally Gibbs would stay at this point but with recent events all he wanted to do was go home, check on McGee and sleep.

Meanwhile McGee was still at home, alone. His thoughts began to bother him again and visiting the apartment earlier didn't help the situation. He got into another state of confusion with a mixture of anger and frustration which in turn led to him picking up a blade.

…

At 5:55 Gibbs walked into the front door, literally, he forgot he needed a key to open his door now.

Something felt off to him so he placed a hand on his gun. He popped his head around the door to his living room and saw blood stains, he immediately drew his gun. Like he would in any situation he cleared the rooms he entered one at a time before clearing the basement and then moving upstairs. He heard some movement from the bathroom so approached it, the door was left slightly ajar so he pushed it open just enough for him to see who it was. Of course it was McGee and he was covered in blood.

"McGee" Gibbs spoke carefully as to not startle him, not that it helped.

"B-boss, you're back early"

"You don't need to be worried Tim, stop trying to hide this from me and let me help" Gibbs then stepped in and helped wrap the clean bandage around McGee's leg. "So what was it this time?"

"Over thinking, then frustration, then panicking, then of course… relief"

"There are other ways McGee, talking is one of them"

"I'm never going to get back to work"

"Yes you are Tim. I know you are. Your eval isn't based on whether you self-harm or not, it is based on your ability to do your job. There are thousands of people who work daily and fight the self-harm battle, that isn't the problem… it's your state of mind. That is what Dr. Cranston is for; she can get the root of the problem and help you solve it. Everyone around you is here for you… I'm here for you. If you talk, we will listen, you just need to make the first move".

"Thank you Boss, I think I might just go to sleep though" McGee then proceeded to clean up his mess.

"Just leave that, I will do it, go to bed Tim, see you tomorrow" McGee didn't argue but instead he left with a simple thank you and a good night. It took little more than a few minutes to clean up the way mess McGee had made but what Gibbs did notice was that whatever blade McGee used was gone now.

...

A few days past and McGee cut less. At the weekend he talked a lot more with Gibbs (or at him with Gibbs being the mute) which helped. What McGee didn't talk much about was the nightmares, the same ones every night. Whether McGee knew or not, Gibbs was at his side attempting to ease him with soothing words and a gently rub on his back during every nightmare. Gibbs would prompt conversations about the nightmares but not much would come of them meaning Tim was definitely not ready for work, this much Gibbs knew.

Despite knowing Tim wasn't ready for work Gibbs didn't cancel the appointment with Dr Cranston, he thought Tim needed it either way. McGee was up at 7am sharp, by 7:30 he had showered, eaten and shaved. The scheduled appointment was at 9am but Gibbs and McGee were at HQ for 8am leaving McGee more than enough time to sit there and worry. Gibbs however saw this and intervened. "Tim, whether your eval gets approved or not I am here for you"

"I know boss but I can't help but think that this is all my fault"

Gibbs immediately stopped what he was doing, grabbed his chair and rolled it over to McGee. He sat straddling the chair but facing the younger agent. "Look at me Tim. None of this is your fault"

"But boss, if I had never self-harmed I wouldn't have been a target. This way the case wouldn't have even impacted me, I would have just looked at it from and outsiders point of view. Elliot would have had no interest in me whatsoever"

"McGee, Elliot was a twisted serial killer who was fixated on people who self-harm. If his fixation was anyone's fault it's mine for not seeing what was happening to him all those years ago, I could have prevented countless deaths if I had. This is not your doing Tim." McGee still held his head down "Tim, look at me" the agent held his head high enough to look at his boss "it's not your fault". After this Gibbs got up and walked himself and the chair back to his desk. McGee then opted to go and see Abby for a short while until it was time for his appointment. Abby as per usual helped calm McGee down and kept him occupied for the remainder of the time left.

At 8:50am McGee left Abby's lab and met Gibbs in the bullpen, together they walked up to the conference room. At 8:55am Dr Cranston arrived, she asked McGee to wait outside whilst she had a conversation with Gibbs.

"How's he been?"

"Better"

"In your opinion well enough to work?"

"As much as I want him back" Gibbs paused "No, he isn't ready"

"Do you think he has been experiencing hypervigilance and/or an exaggerated startle response?"

"At first yes"

"Is he still self-harming or taking part in self-destructive behavior"

"Yes he is still self-harming but no other self-destructive behavior"

"Who does he blame for the events?"

"Himself"

"And is this persistent?"

"I have tried to prove that it wasn't his fault but he is adamant that it is"

"Has he exhibited the ability to feel any sort of positive emotion?"

"Not to the extent that he used to"

"Okay, thank you" Dr Cranston paused and then called McGee into the room.

"Good morning Tim, how are you today?"

"Could be better, could be worse"

"Tim, if you don't mind I'd like to ask you some questions"

"Yeah, that's fine"

"Are you still having recurring dreams and/or flashbacks about the traumatic event?"

"Yes, the dreams still happen every night, slightly less violent but definitely still there. Flashbacks are triggered whenever I walk into my apartment, I have to push past them before I can do anything."

"Okay. Have you had any trouble concentrating on things recently?"

"Not really but equally I haven't had a lot to be concentrating on other than TV"

The meeting continued like this for another half an hour with many, many more questions.

"So as you might have guessed I have been asking you questions to try and establish the best method of treatment for you. To summarize, you have been engaging in self-harm, you have experienced hypervigilance, exaggerated startled response, and have potential issues with concentration alongside difficulty with both falling and staying asleep. You have been experiencing flashbacks, some triggered by a specific place such as your apartment, and you have been experiencing recurrent distressing dreams in which the content is related to the traumatic even you have experienced. You also feel persistent guilt about the events that took place and shame for self-harming in the first place, both of which are misplaced. You also believe yourself responsible for the events that took place despite it being the fault of a deranged serial killer. Is any of that incorrect?"

"No, I believe it's all accurate"

"Tim, I believe you are in the early stages of PTSD but I am unable to confirm this after such a short period of time. So, there is every chance that I'm wrong and in a few more weeks this will all subside and your symptoms will fade into nothingness. However, I am doing my upmost to be transparent with you and I believe you are entitled to an explanation into what's going on in your head. PTSD can be treated with medication but is only required if the PTSD becomes severe or persistent whereas here I do believe you are over the worst of it and can cope without medication if you wish. Psychotherapy is normally the first port of call for treatment as well as CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and group therapy. All of which can only happen when you feel ready, nobody will push you into any of this. I would also like to let you know that I am happy to continue having you as a patient and I have a regular weekly slot that has just freed up. I don't need an answer now I just want you to know it's available. Now, is there anything else you would like to discuss or ask about?"

"How does this impact my fitness for work eval?" asked Tim focusing on the end goal and not what the Doctor had just said.

"Many people go to work every day with PTSD, it is managed and treated. So yes, you will be going back to work at some point, hopefully sooner rather than later, but for now it does mean that you are benched. I would like to assess you again in a few days, however even if you do so progress you will be on desk duty. No field work for a significant amount of time I'm afraid."

"Thank you Doctor"

"Bye Tim, Jethro a word outside?" Gibbs followed her out of the room.

"Look after him, this will be a shock and will likely trigger a lot of thinking, over thinking and new emotions"

"Will do doc, can you see yourself out?"

"Of course" Dr Cranston then left and Gibbs re-joined McGee. Not saying anything Gibbs took his seat next to McGee and placed a hand on his back and began gently rubbing in circles. As he did this McGee turned to look at Gibbs, it broke his heart. McGee had tears streaming down both sides of his face but no sobbing sounds could be heard.

McGee was crying for a few reasons… one was the shock of being diagnosed, another was the relief the diagnosis bought meaning McGee had some form of peace of mind for the first time since that awful night and the final reason was fear of not being able to recover from it all.

"You can do it Tim" Gibbs spoke into his ear softly "I know you can" while gently placing a hand on his shoulder. McGee just stayed quiet while letting out the occasional sob.

After all of that McGee was tired and told Gibbs he was going home to lie down to which Gibbs obviously let him go and gave him his car keys. He headed to his room and lay on the bed staring at the ceiling for about ten minutes before he couldn't bear the emotions anymore. He then got out the blade he had been hiding from Gibbs since the last time he cut - it was taped to the back of the handmade wooden drawers in his room. He stared at it for a moment debating the consequences but ultimately decided that the benefits and relief outweighed the issues he had to deal with afterwards. McGee cut his wrist this time. Once. Twice. Three times. Four then the final fifth one. That of course was the deepest so caused him a bit of grief but nothing he hadn't dealt with before. He then poured himself a bath and sat with one arm hanging out of the tub. He fell asleep in there with the bathroom door left open and with blood dripping from his arm. Gibbs about an hour later came to check on him and opted to catch a taxi from work rather than arrange a lift. After strolling upstairs he saw the bathroom door open, the significantly large puddle of blood on the floor and McGee there passed out. He instinctively thought the worst but was happy to hear him breathing as he checked his pulse so he shook McGee awake. Although panicking on the inside Gibbs remained calm for the younger agent and asked if he could clean and dress to wound for him, to which the response was "yes" but sounded quiet and meek.

Gibbs barely spoke to McGee after this he just simply handed him a towel and left the room. Then as he began to head downstairs he heard a thud. He ran back to the bathroom to find McGee passed out on the floor. Gibbs put him in the recovery position, checked his pulse and breathing again, both of which were present. He then proceeded to ring an ambulance and then Ducky. "Jethro I need you to stay calm, providing you have rung an ambulance, they will sort Timothy out."

"But Duck I don't know what I can do anymore"

"Jethro listen to me, the diagnosis was a huge shock to Timothy and he used his coping mechanism for it. He didn't try to kill himself and he will fully recover."

"I have got to go, the ambulance is here"

"Goodbye Jethro" Ducky replied and Gibbs hung up the phone.

"How long has he been like this for?" asked the first paramedic.

"About 7 minutes"

"How did he lose so much blood?" the second asked looking at the floor.

"Self-harm, now help him" Gibbs commanded.

"We will take him to Bethesda, they will admit him, but they will likely send him home within a few hours…unless it was an at-"

"It wasn't!" Gibbs roared.

On that McGee began to come round but wasn't fully aware what was going on until he was in the back of the ambulance and half way to the hospital. He protested but Gibbs insisted. Whilst in the ambulance Gibbs called Tony and let him know he was taking a personal day but he was to let him know if a case comes in.

Once admitted McGee was seen to swiftly due to Gibbs' influence, reputation and attitude. All of the usual checks were performed and the hospital staff did exactly what the ambulance crew said they would and McGee was home before 4pm.

Gibbs picked up pizza on the way back. McGee was completely silent unless prompted by Gibbs. He looked pale, depressed and tired. Gibbs felt so helpless but just continued on the journey home.

When they finally arrived back McGee put some comfort clothes on, this consisted of sweat pants and a long sleeved top, underneath was of course McGee's bandaged arm. Gibbs response was "McGee you don't have to hide it all from me you know?"

"I know boss, I just feel ashamed. I haven't ended up in hospital from cutting for a very long time."

"Everything is going to be okay, I promise. I need to ask for myself though" Gibbs paused "that wasn't an attempt on your life was it?"

"No it wasn't, I might be frustrated and angry at myself but I'm not suicidal. I would tell you."

"Thank you Tim"

"But for a moment, I-I don't know what I felt. I-I think it was relief."

"What do you mean Tim"

"It doesn't matter Boss"

"Tim please tell me"

"Honestly Boss it doesn't matter" at this point Gibbs decided to drop it, he could hear the frustration rising in his agent's voice. The last thing they both needed was for Tim to shut off completely.

Eventually they arrived home and spent the evening binging on pizza and watching TV, then they both went their separate ways to bed. Tim spent an hour silently sobbing into his pillow before passing out from exhaustion, Gibbs of course knew what was going on but this time chose to leave McGee alone – he knew McGee wouldn't cut tonight.

A/N: So, thoughts? I have a good chapter planned next but is going to take a while to write. Do you all want to see Tim battle long term PTSD or just the initial trauma mimicking the symptoms of PTSD?