"You're going to learn a lot of things, But it might be easier to keep living, if you didn't learn them, if you didn't know them. You don't realize your body is on fire and burning up because of the things you did. You'll understand one day. And then you'll realize for the first time that you have many burns." ~ Claudia Hodgins, Violet Evergarden

.32

The reality of the situation, and how far past it's fallen hits me with it's crushing waves days later. It takes a lot to push away the initial panic that arises in me because of the facts. We were so far off the course I had know idea what any of this would mean for the things to come. I wish I could say that it didn't matter, that obscuring things so far off their path didn't bother me. But that would be a lie.

It was easier to protect my brother and continue to manipulate the direction the story was taking if I actually knew what was supposed to happen. The things that I had changed in the past were in the grand scheme of things insignificant in the long run, I'd let the Chunin exams and Sasuke's betrayal run their course for the most part I'd only intervene where necessary in order to maintain some of Naruto's innocence.

Kisame being in Konoha custody was a very large change of plans, an unexpected pothole on the path. There was no possible way this was going to end well. Absolutely no way for this to work out for the best. I was just frankly not that optimistic about the situation. The only way I could even feel better about it was if I could talk to our friendly neighborhood fishman and no one was even letting me close to where they were keeping the missing nin.

I can't say I'm surprised, or that I blame them. Not really. The man was responsible for a previous kidnapping attempt to my person and was one of the reasons I'd just landed myself a nice trip to the ICU. Also, I had this feeling that they didn't trust me, didn't trust what I would do.

In their defense I'd given them no reason too. From the outside looking in I knew what they saw. What they would say about my current physical and mental state. So no I would not be getting to talk to the man any time soon, no matter how much I wanted too. No matter how badly I needed too.

For the first time, in a very long time I was at crossroads. I had no idea how to proceed from here. No Idea in what direction to go. If this was how most people felt on a normal basis than I felt sorry for them. I hated the uncertainty of the unknown.

The reality was I'd forgotten what it felt like to not know. How predictable I'd become. Great, there was my narcism again rearing it's lovely head.

What to do? What to do?

Looks like I might just have to wing this one. Or wait to have that chat when the man ultimately escaped. Either way I would get my answers.

"Mito?" I blink, it takes a moment to pull myself out of my head. These days I found myself getting lost more frequently in my thoughts. Shishou had put another barrier up between myself and Kuramu for the time being, just until my coils had fully healed and then he knew I would take it down. So It was just me in my head and when it was just me it became all the more easy to get lost.

You may be wondering about when shishou learned how to use fuinjutsu like that, and the answer is really simple. I am his student, I also am a master at fuinjutsu like my father and mother. Shishou is the only one in the village who stands a chance in hell of controlling Naruto or me if we ever go berserk, so I've been working with him to improve said control. Keeping in mind that I know how to fully work around any of his containment seals so it wasn't like it could come back and bite me.

I may have trusted shishou with my life, with Naruto's life, but I did not always trust those who gave him orders. Nor would I change my feelings on that stance. Blind faith worked out for exactly no one. I was many things, but I was not a blind follower.

"Mitomi." This time my name is said with a little more forcefulness and a slight shift to my person as Shikamaru nudges my shoulder to gain my full attention. I must not have responded it was was considered a timely manner.

"Huh?" He raises a brow giving me this look like I should know what he was doing. For the record I honestly couldn't have been sure. I was in the middle of having a sort of external crisis. Shikamaru sighs shaking his head before helping me to my feet.

Why he was making me move from my favorite shade spot I still couldn't figure it out. I'd just wanted to brood by myself away from everyone's concerned eyes. I think I much prefer their hateful glances over this. I hated being pitied.

"My mom invited you for lunch, come on she'll be mad if we take any longer." Well then, I can't say I was expecting that. Shikamaru's mother could be very scary if she wanted to be, and as entertaining as it was to watch other people get the front of it I did not want to be caught in the crossfire at all.

I let Shikamaru pull me along, not particularly having the energy in me to protest. But also because perhaps I was secretly okay with spending more time with him. Shikamaru was one of the first people outside of my small circle to see me. Not the demon fox girl, not Naruto sister, just me. Just Mitomi.

I could never thank him enough for it. He would never know how important that had been to me. No words would ever be enough. Kami. When had I become the sentimental type. Fuck, what was happening to me? I needed to get a grip. Needed to focus.

It was time to re-evaluate. And damn, that didn't sound like it was going to be any sorts of fun. I was not looking forward to it in the slightest.

XOXOX

Yeah short chapter, I'm sorry. Still trying to figure out the details for how the next little bit is going to go.. Also been caught up writing the next chapter of Echo which is taking a lot out of me. So this is where I'll leave you for now. Please let me know what you think, hope you guys enjoy it!

Thanks for reading!

Sincerely, La'Rae