Chapter Text
Arya strode lazily up the narrow staircase to the empty room she'd shared company with when they'd abandoned her welcoming feast what felt like eons ago, though she knew it had only been a week. She had attempted to go back to her room once she'd decided to return to the keep, but she'd heard movement inside when she had approached the door. She wasn't sure if it was the Handmaiden, Mother, or Sister, but she didn't feel up to a confrontation with any of them and so turned away and had made for the steps nearby instead of entering.
She hadn't expected anyone else would be there but found herself corrected once she entered the silent room. A man stood before one of the windows, one with a recognizable stature much lower in height than any other man she knew of in Westeros. He turned to look at her from where she'd frozen upon her entrance, only part way through the door. "Ah, I apologize." She told him "I did not know anyone was here- I will go."
"Please, don't leave on my account." Tyrion Lannister told her. "You may join me, if you wish. I have wine." He told her, gesturing with the full cup he held in one hand at the flagon resting nearby.
Her immediate notion was to decline, but she paused and looked at him consideringly, feeling intrigued by the opportunity. She had so many unanswered questions regarding this man- the information she'd gathered had been vague and disjointed, and no one in her current company ever seemed to speak of him, not in past or present tense. She'd considered asking Jaime, or even Bronn, but it had never seemed the right time.
"Lord Tyrion-" She started to introduce herself formally, for they'd never actually spoken or interacted directly, not even when he'd visited Winterfell on his way to the Wall all those years ago, not when they passed company in Kings Landing.
"Not a Lord anymore, Princess. Definitely not in these lands."
"Not a Princess." She argued in turn, but entered the room anyway, walking slowly towards him. He moved to the nearby table and grabbed the wine and poured her a serving in an extra glass.
"Pretty sure you are, by the rules of succession. Unless they've somehow changed in the short time since I left Westeros, after nearly a millennia of remaining the same?"
"They haven't changed."
"Then you're a princess. It's just a title, anyway, nothing to get so worked up about."
"It's a title I don't want." She told him. "I could barely be considered a Lady by most, let alone a Princess."
"You are what you are, whether you want it or not. You could claim not to be a Princess just as much as I could claim not to be a dwarf- it won't make a bit of difference for either of us." He told her bluntly, raising his glass as if in a toast.
She conceded to his point with a shallow tilt of her head, raising her own glass in turn and taking a small drink. "I am surprised to see you in the keep this late in the eve." Arya spoke after a moment of watching the snow fall in the darkened night. "I thought you normally kept you the Queen's camp unless in council." She told him, speaking only from her own observations.
"That I do." He agreed with a hum. "The Queen is in a private council with King Robb at the moment. I was dismissed and am waiting her presence to depart back to camp. And you? What has you wandering the halls, looking for empty rooms, so late at night in your own keep?"
"Avoidance." She told him, returning his honesty with her own, self-degrading smirk curling the corner of her mouth.
"Ahh, yes. I imagine your family is taking the news quite hard." He mussed, glancing at her sideways.
"Has the word gotten out already?"
"Aye, but only to certain people thus far, hence my presence here tonight. The Queen may be a bit nervous at the thought of the Northern and Southern alliance gaining permanence through marriage."
"I'm surprised you would tell me that." She told him, and it was true. Such information, however innocuous it may seem, could be used against the woman whose mere presence was already standing on precarious grounds.
"Well, you are soon to be my good-sister, provided the rumors are true? I'd love to hear how you got my stubborn ass of a brother to agree to that?"
She peered over at him and he seemed to read her response despite her lack of words. "Ahh." He sighed, "That make's more sense."
"Why do you say so?"
"Jaime's had something of a vendetta against marriage for a long time. For more than one reason, but it's been that way for a very long time." He looked up at her to see her watching him silently, hoping he might go on so she could have some greater understanding of where all of that rage had come from. "It's not a pleasant story." He told her at her probing look- the only story he had any business telling the woman, he couldn't cross the line into Jaime and Cersei's sordid mess.
"Most of the stories I know aren't." She rebuked.
He acquiesced with a slight shrug and deep drink from his glass before he spoke again. "I was ten and six at the time, Jaime was twenty. We were riding when we heard a scream. A woman came running out onto the road, clothes half torn off, with two men on her heals. Jaime dealt with the men easily enough while I wrapped her in my cloak. She was too shaken to send off on her own and so while Jaime took off after the rapers, I took her to the nearest inn and fed her.."
"Her name was Tysha. She was a Wheelwright's orphan, and she was hungry. Together we finished off three chickens and a flagon of wine. Impossible as it seems, there was once a time that I was unaccustomed to wine. I forgot how afraid I was around girls- how I was always waiting for them to laugh at me, or look away embarrassed, or ask me about my tall, handsome brother… I forgot about everything but Tysha, and somehow I found myself in her bed."
He glanced up at her again, seeming almost embarrassed himself. He cleared his throat harshly and continued. "Anyway, by the next morning I found myself deeply in love and asked for her hand. A few lies, a few gold coins, and one drunken Septon, and there you have it, man and wife… For a fortnight anyway, until the Septon sobered up and told my father."
"The first thing he did was have Jaime tell me the truth: the girl was a whore you see. Jaime had arranged the whole thing- the road, the rapers, all of it. He thought it was time I had a woman. As soon as Jaime told me the truth, my father brought my wife in and gave her to his guards. He paid her well- a silver for each man- what kind of whore can a command that kind of price?"
He was silent for a moment and she almost thought he was finished, but he spoke again before she could bring herself to say anything. "He brought me into the barracks and made me watch. By the end, she had so much silver that the coins were slipping through her fingers and rolling onto the floor. Jaime told me after that he never intended for any of it to happen. He was angry with our father for his callousness and cruelty for a long time after that."
"He couldn't understand why father was so angry with him for forfeiting his right to marry, but would treat my own marriage- however unknowingly false- with such disregard. It might not have been honest, but it was true beneath the Seven. The Septon burned our record and from there on my having a wife appeared to have never existed. My brother's always been a bit naïve at times though, especially concerning me." He finished, a fond note in his voice. "He's never seen me the way the rest of the world does."
"What happened after?" Arya asked in quiet voice, wondering if some good might have come out of it in the end.
"After? Nothing."
"And you've never married again?"
"Ha, no, I doubt I ever will."
"What will you do once the battle is over? Assuming we survive, of course."
"I don't really know." He confided. "When I left this land, I thought I would never return. Queen Daenerys is attempting to make long-standing allegiances of her own, so I suppose what I do in the future will depend on her successes."
"And what of your family?"
"What of them?"
"Do you wish for them to be part of your future?"
"I'm afraid that ships already sailed." He told her, sounding wistful. "What with my killing my nephew the King, and all that."
"Did you?" She asked him bluntly. "Kill your nephew?"
She didn't expect him to smile, but he did. "Not very many people have actually asked me that, you know? They usually just assume it to be true."
"I never assume anything."
"Smart girl."
"You didn't answer me."
"You ask a lot of questions." He rebuked. "Why should I answer all of them?"
"I don't think you did it." She told him, though it was more of a statement than an answer to his question.
"Don't you? Why not? I was heard threatening him more than once. I struck him more than once, and in public at that."
"Joffrey was a little shit- of all the people in the world who likely wanted to kill him, I doubt his uncle would actually be the one to do it. If anything, your discipline of him shows that you were trying to make him a better man. Why make such an effort if only to kill him? It just doesn't make any sense."
"My father has already declared me guilty. That should be enough for you- it's enough for everyone else."
"Being declared guilty by someone with their own agenda in a position of power doesn't make you guilty, it makes for convenience."
"My father is a very dangerous man. You shouldn't underestimate him." He cautioned her at her bold words. "Not if you want to keep in his good graces- they're quite hard to come by, you know."
"It might be too late for that." She said, mind flashing back to earlier when she'd left him.
"All the same."
"There's still something I don't understand.. Even before all of that, when you were free and Jaime sworn to the Kingsguard- why didn't your father ever force you to marry? You would have been next in line to inherit- would still be next in line, if your innocence is proven. Why try so hard to force Jaime when he has another option?"
"Ahh, well, I believe his exact words were, " I would let myself be consumed by maggots before mocking the family name and making you heir to Casterly Rock ."
"That seems harsh."
"My father is a harsh man. Still, it is late. You should head off- you wouldn't want to be found in my company." Considering he had been the one to invite her into the room, the warning seemed like more of an excuse than anything, but she recognized that she'd been poking at sore points and so let him have the retreat.
"It is getting late, you're right. I will take my leave- Good Eve, Tyrion."
"Good Eve, Princess." He told her in farewell.
There was another war council the following day to plan for their next steps, now that the established work was done. To say that the Lannister party was tense would have been quite the understatement. Rather than coming out to meet them at their camp as she had done previously, Arya instead waiting just outside the keep, to join them as they entered to show a united front to their allies.
She couldn't have said whether father and son had spoken at all, or what might have been said, because neither was looking at the other, nor directly at her. Though in truth, she may have been avoiding looking directly at either of them and so could have missed something. She caught sight of her family already seated at the head of the room before pointedly turning her eyes away. She'd managed to avoid them all since the events the day prior and she wasn't in a hurry to rehash things by opening the door to conversation.
Luckily, the council began relatively quickly and everyone was soon focused on the ideas being shared and how they could best hope to survive the coming threat. It was a lucrative meeting and a few more decisions were made- a small troupe would travel to the Last Hearth in order to help evacuate those who were left, while a few individuals would remain there afterwards to hide amongst the endless underground caves and springs in an attempt to come out behind the army and have a better shot at taking out the White Walkers, perhaps even the Night King himself, God's be good.
Finally, it was decided that the woman and children who were unable to fight would make their way to Castle Cerwyn, rather than hiding in the crypts as would have been the go-to in any other situation. It was brought up, however, that if these beings could truly raise the dead, what would stop them from rising the hundreds of years' worth of Starks and setting them upon the most vulnerable of them all?
Instead, they would travel to the nearby Castle and remain there until word of victory or defeat came. If they were victorious and stopped the army at Winterfell, all would be well. If they failed, the women and children would continue South and would attempt to make for the Eyrie, where the Lady Catelyn's sister still ruled and with a location that would hopefully keep them safer than any other in Westeros, considering the difficulty in getting to it.
Of course, they were all hopeful that such plans wouldn't need come to fruition, but better to plan for all eventualities than end up without a plan at all. The council lasted hours before it was finally called. Some groups lingered, but most departed immediately. Arya trailed after the Lannisters, but only to pull Jaime aside once they were free of most the crowd.
She'd already felt uncomfortable with how things had been left between the two of them, but her little heart-to-heart with Tyrion the night before made her feel even worse about the whole thing. Those she'd already known, logically, what kind of a man Tywin was, the more she found out about how he was as a father, the more disappointment came along with it. Truly, for someone who focused so completely on the state of his family's good name, he had quite the large blind spot for how he actually treated that family.
She waited until they had almost arrived at the gate before reaching out to gently grasp his arm- not trying to physically stop him, but rather requesting it of him and allowing him to decide whether or not he would pause. She could see his jaw clench as he seemed to stand indecisive for a moment. She thought he would continue on regardless, but he finally turned towards her before she could decide to pull away and retreat. "Can we talk? Just for a moment?" She requested at having his attention. "Please?"
He glanced up and around. Though mostly alone, there were still several people going about their business within hearing rage- it was midday still after all, and so he gestured her off to the side, where a path through the snow followed along the inside of the gate-walls. She knew if you followed it further and made a turn, it would lead to the Godswood, and so that's where she led them.
They walked in silence until they reached the silent wood, and then for a bit beyond. "Well?" Jaime spoke up, breaking the lingering quiet. "What was it you wished to speak to me about so urgently?" His voice wasn't as frosty as it had been before, but it wasn't warm nor friendly either. If anything, it was rather indifferent and she found herself longing to know how he was really feeling.
She found herself at a loss for words now that she had him alone, but she knew his patience wasn't infinite and so attempted to express herself. "I, just, I need you to know that I haven't, that your father, I-" She paused and sighed quietly through her nose in frustration with herself. "It wasn't a lie." She said finally. "None of it… I haven't been conspiring with your father to force you to do anything. I'm sorry it seemed that way."
"You haven't been conspiring but still managed to come to an agreement with him that you and I would marry, all without my knowledge or my consent." He told her blithely.
"It wasn't like it!" She defended. "Two days ago, I spoke to your father about my upcoming marriage. I, I thought I had managed to delay it farther than I had, and I suppose I was a bit upset at the continuation of the demands they were making… He.. offered me another solution. He said he could buy my marriage contract from Lord Frey and that he wanted me as his good-daughter. I agreed, eventually." Her eyes dropped to the snow dusted ground, feeling ashamed and embarrassed for the whole situation. "I just, I don't have time to go to war with the Frey's right now and, I, I thought the idea of being married to you seemed a much more agreeable fate than what I was facing already."
"But that wasn't fair to you. It doesn't matter that I didn't know you would be so angry, or that your father would reveal it in such a way, and I'm sorry, truly, but this hasn't all been a game to me, no matter how it seems to your eyes. I've never wanted to get married, I've fought against it for a long time, actually, and I understand why you don't want to either… I wish it were as easy for me to become unmarriable as it is for a man, actually." She attempted to joke, but knew it fell flat. "Regardless, this is my own mess, and you don't owe it to me to fix it, especially not at the cost of your own happiness. I just want you to know that I'm sorry, for all of this." She finished, unable to bring herself to vocalize all of the individual things she was sorry for- most of all that she had lost him before she'd truly gotten to know what it was like to have him- not physically, not specifically, but on a grander scale that stolen kisses and hidden feelings.
She finally glanced up to meet his eyes, needing to know what he was thinking in return. He studied her, seeming just a bit softer, but still holding back most of his emotions. He smiled, but it seemed sad. "Whether this was your scheme or my fathers, it's one I still can't allow myself to fall prey to." He told her gently. "I've fought against this for too long to give into it now. I am.. Sorry, for your circumstance." He said before pausing with a slight grimace at the knowledge that she would still be required to marry, even if it wasn't to him. "But I won't leave the Kingsguard. Not for anyone."
~*~ Jaime's POV ~*~
He watched admirably as the woman steeled herself in the wake of his statement. He shouldn't feel this guilty for rejecting this ridiculous idea, for rejecting her. He had no obligation to this woman, none whatsoever. She was hardly the first woman he'd gotten close to on the road- though perhaps the first he hadn't bedded immediately and then promptly forgotten about.
She was a highborn lady, she should have been prepared for such a fate from childhood, as all highborn woman were. His sister had been, despite her own scorn for the idea and events when they finally came to be. Marcella had been, when matched with Prince Trystane. Though, perhaps those weren't good comparisons, considering the differences in their upbringing and the challenges they'd faced. Still, she'd had a fairly normal upbringing until the unfortunate events that took place in Kings Landing, so surely she had been prepared to some extent.
He watched as she nodded her head gracefully. "I understand." She told him in an unbroken voice. She stepped towards him, more hesitantly, and he watched to see what she would do. He wasn't prepared for her to rise to her tip-toes so that she could press cold lips to his cheek. He felt another flash of regret but didn't let it cross his expression as she dropped back to her booted feet and spun on her heal without another word, walking rather quickly back the way they came.
He wasn't quite sure how he made his own way back to camp, but he found himself approaching his tent not too much later. He thought about ducking inside, but instead and his way deeper into the mass, searching until he found Bronn playing dice with some of them men a few fires down. He took a seat heavily beside him, ignoring the narrowed eye looked he gained from the man. "Where've you been?" The sellsword asked, glancing back down at the table.
He looked over again when Jaime declined to answer. "Ahh, I see, spending some quality time with the bride to be?" He asked, wiggling his brows.
"There is no bride to be." Jaime denied, only to continue after a moment pause. "Or, I suppose there is, but not mine."
"No?"
"No."
"Why in the seven hells not?" He asked incredulously.
Jamie shot the man a look, maintaining his silence.
"Out of your bloody mind." Bronn murmured to himself, though clearly meant to be heard.
"Excuse me?" Jaime demanded. "What business is it of yours, exactly?"
"No business of mine, I'm just saying. If I was offered a woman like that to take as my wife, you can sure as fuck bet I wouldn't pass her off to the next man passing by. Who's next in your family, eh? That ponce, Lancel, innit? Bah. I'd like to see him try and handle that one. Boy probably couldn't please a woman if given step by step instructions and an extra set if hands besides."
"Must you be so crude?"
"Why not?"
" You're disgusting."
"Only because it's her. Any other woman and you'd jump right in. Shouldn't that tell you something by itself?"
"I'm not getting married." Jaime stated, slowly. "Not to her, not to anyone. If that means she marries that cunt Lancel then so be it. It's not my problem."
Bronn shot him a dubious look. "If you say so."
"I say so." Jaime confirmed sternly.
When Arya left the Godswood, she ran almost immediately into Jon, who was walking alone for a change. She almost veered off, but he spotted her before she could and moved to intercept her. "Arya, how fare you?" He questioned, for they hadn't spoken at all since everything had happened, and she assumed Robb had filled him in.
"I fare fine. How fare you?" She asked in turn, forcing down anything that may have been lingering from the short conversation she'd just had.
"I fare fine. Truly though, how are you?"
"I'm not sure what you want me to say, Jon. I'm fine, there isn't much more to say than that."
"'Fine' isn't the same thing as being happy, sister. I know you and Ser Jaime are friends.. Are you truly happier with this match than with the Frey's?"
"There is no match." She told him quietly. "I will marry a Lannister, but I'm not sure yet which one. Jaime is in the Kingsguard- he can hold no lands and take no wife- that has not changed."
She watched as his brows furrowed and he appeared to want to say something, but she wasn't sure what it would have been because he seemed to change the words entirely. "I only want your happiness, sister, in whichever form it holds." He told her instead. "It's all I've ever wanted for you."
"And what of your own happiness, brother? I've seen you with the Queen… Might there be a story building there?" She questioned, both wanting to change the subject and wanting to get a better feel for just how attached he was to the woman.
He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. He glanced around to see them relatively alone before he responded quietly. "You know she's my Aunt in truth, sister."
Arya shrugged lightly. "The Targaryen's have been wedding brother to sister for centuries. I'd rather say an aunt/nephew pairing to be a step up."
"Beyond that, everyone believes me to be Lord Eddard's bastard son and nothing more."
"Not everyone."
"Most everyone."
"Why don't you speak up, anyway? By rite of blood, you have a greater claim to the throne than she does. Wouldn't that solve this whole conflict?"
"I have no proof of my claims and she has two armies and three dragons at her back. How would you expect such a challenge to end?" He asked her, knowingly.
"You think she would kill you?"
"I think she's a Queen in her own right, who has been fighting her entire life to get back to these lands and claim her father's throne for her own. I think desperation makes people do things they otherwise might not do, and I think we are all better off if I continue to remain as naught but Lord Eddard's bastard."
"But you could be so much more than that…"
"I've made peace with who I am as Jon Snow, Arya, I don't need to be any more than what I already am."
And that was just… Well, it was everything, wasn't it? He made it sound so easy, but was it? It was as Tyrion had said- She could deny being herself as much as she wanted, but it didn't make her someone else at her- was it not the same for him? He was a born prince, it was his birthright to rule, however much that birthright might have been a thing of the past. Surely such a secret would come out eventually, one way or another?
~*~ Tbc ~*~
Notes: Hello again! A few people seen confused by the events that have happened in this story so I wanted to clarify. Most everything that happened had still happened, unless directly involving the altered circumstances.
~ Catelyn did not let Jaime go, and so he and Sansa were eventually exchanged.
~ Because of that, Tywin never conspired with the Freys to betray the Starks, and so the Red Wedding never happened.
~ Joffrey was still killed, but Sansa was already gone, and do never engaged to Tyrion or implicated in the assassination.
~ Marjorie married Tommen, who is ruling in the South.
~ Cersei is in Highgarden married to Loras
~No one knows who murdered Joffrey yet I hope that helps! I look forward to hearing what you think :) Thank you for reading and a special thank you to those who have left comments and kudos!