"I'm sure my brother didn't talk to you about his past now did he?"

Looking up I sigh at the girl in front of me. Her long brown hair and eyes to match are staring at me trying to look at who I really am.

After a few silent moments I speak up, "Yeah, he told me about Kate. About how she was abusive and used alcohol to keep him with her. How she would claim he beat her. Until finally some stupid shit happened and he spent about a week or so in jail. That's why he's living at home with all of you."

"So you get it why he's scared?" she asks this and I don't know where to pinpoint the type of tone she's using.

"Why he's scared? Fuck, I'm scared. Though finding out that he wants to end it cause his relationship status says single is a bit different. Then telling him that I'm here for him if he wants to talk. That we should talk. I get an 'I'll think about it.' You know what fuck you and fuck him. If he sent you here to do your dirty work he can just kiss my ass cause I want nothing to deal with him. I dove head first into that relationship and gave my all, and what did he do?"

I grab my wallet and place a couple bills down not really noticing just how much I did. I grab my jacket and walk right out of there. What the hell did I do to deserve this? How did this go all wrong? I have spent my life with my emotions being played with I thought maybe…. Maybe I had found someone who wouldn't fucking do that to a person.

6 months ago

I knocked on the door and no one answered. I look at the hand of the little boy I'm helping take home since that's apparently what I do now. I sigh in relief when the door opens and I'm faced with a half asleep man who looks like he's half dead. Though still in that state I take in a quick look that he's pretty cute. His eyes are down cast so I don't see them in the brief moment I have. As he opens the door enough to let the boy inside and shuts it before I can say anything.

It was a couple days later I realized that I had him for a while now as a friend on Facebook when he ends up messaging me. He said I look familiar and I simply replied, 'Yeah, did the door to the face leave a mark.' he spent forever and ever apologizing about all of that. I didn't know that you spend that long simply messaging someone. I was surprised and happy it felt like we connected so easily.

"Stiles," I snap my head up looking to see my dad standing in my door. "Are you still hung up on that boy son?"

"Dad, just drop it alright. He gave up on me and that's all to it. He didn't want to work on whatever we had so he kinda just ended it without much of a goodbye. I don't need you getting in my business. As you said before you always seem to forget how old I am now."

"You lucked out if anything on his police report is true."

I bite my tongue so I don't defend him there's nothing I can do. I don't need to throw his dirty laundry all over the place no matter how tempting it is. When it seems that I have nothing to say dad simply walks away probably to change out of his uniform and catch up on some sleep.

Dad has met him. Hell with Roscoe in the shop and finding it more relaxing to have a night in then anything.

4 months ago

It took about 2 months for us to finally spend anytime together. With being busy with work and not driving it's hard to go out. PLus no offence to people, but I hate people. He mostly would invite me to crowded events. Plus for some reason my immune system like to get me sick like no fucking other. He simply came over to hang out as friends might I say. I didn't think it'd mean much. We mostly watched a movie and chatted about little pieces of nothing it seemed like. After he left we both stated that there was at least a bit of a romantic interest in each other.

So it's not a surprise that a couple days later after we hang out again that he had asked me out officially. Isn't that nice when people do that? So we spent even more time just being.

Fuck I slap myself on the face as I look at my computer at the oen social media site to see that he's still online. Fuck, like I care right…. Fuck, then why does it hurt so much like this. I wipe my cheeks trying to ignore the tears cause I'm a fucking adult and I can handle my feelings even after someone stepped all over them.

I start filling out papers for school and work. I sigh when I realize that one of my moles is to be removed cause it's getting odd. It's a bit annoying being covered head to toe. Maybe then I'll be more focused on the physical pain then the emotional…. That's fucking bullshit.

I open my messenger and simply stare at my last message to him. The 'okay' to his 'I'll think about it.' Would it be weird if I message him to tell what I truly think of his whole I need to think about it? Fuck him. You know if our time didn't mean anything then fuck him and fuck these feelings that are sitting on my chest.

I shake my head again snapping myself from my thoughts. Stop it, Stiles. Even though you don't have your answer after lil more than a day you can handle this. You can deal with all of this…. I feel bad enough that I'm wondering if there really is a monster under my bed that will eat me…. Maybe then this can go away.

I'm at work helping as always setting out food and snacks hoping none of my coworkers ask about the boy I've been seeing. Which is all good for me since I don't want to talk about him….. Yet, why once again am I thinking of that bastard?

He posts shit to his story and makes it seem like nothing happened. That nothing is really wrong. Do I mean nothing? Am I nothing? I mean my coworker did say I get around, as a joke, but still… Fuck my life.

I sigh as I look at my phone as I talk to Scott on speaker phone.

"I don't know what to do about this Scott. I'm lost. I mean it's only been a couple days and I know I told him I wouldn't push into things he doesn't want or isn't ready for, but I don't know if I can handle all of this. I mean i want him of course I do, but still."

"Better than the douce that just said goodbye calling that a break up," Scott answers.

I nod my head thinking of that guy. Who did that after we had sex….. "Ohhh God Scott I have such bad taste in men don't I."

"This guy seemed like the perfect catch…. Just he had a bad history that kind of fucked him over from the very little of what you'll tell me. After all this you still are respecting his privacy. Damn."

"It's called common courtesy, Scott. Just cause I know about things about him that would explain things a bit doesn't mean I'm gonna blab them een to my best friend who is across the country at college."

"Hey, you're the one that wanted to stick close to home. I mean you're a deputy now aren't you."

"Yeah, but dad is keeping me on desk duty. I think he's still on the whole I'm his kid and not an adult just yet. I mean I'm 24 for crying out loud."

"Look Stiles. You gave him his space and everything. Simply message him and tell what you feel. If he answers than he answers."

"You don't get it Scott I'm afraid to say anything cause it will make this whole possible and more than likely break up even harder. I mean what if he wants nothing to do with me. I cant deal with that Scotty….."

"Stiles, I keep telling you to stop investing yourself like this. You fall so quickly and hard it's not fair to yourself. Look pull up your computer or something and type up a message to send him. If your scared to simply read it to me and I'll okay it or not."

I bite my lip as I stare at my computer. I mean yeah I still have Derek on social media and it would be easier to send a message there cause I know I'll probably send him something long. I sit there staring at the computer. I don't even know where to start. Why the hell am I even invested in a guy like this. I don't think I can handle this. Maybe cause I'm scared of not finding love or finding a guy who makes me the way he does.

"Scott, I'll call you when I have something," I tell my friend as I quickly hanging up knowing that Scott knows me enough to know that I'm freaking out like no other.

I stare at the blinking cursor waiting for me to type something. Wondering what exactly do I want to say. I stare as I find the right words that I want to say, but don't have the courage to say.

"Look Derek I know I said I'd give you your space to figure things out, but I feel like the wait is tearing me apart. I can barely go on social media cause I see your name flashing there and I feel the pain of needles sticking into my chest. This may be the nail that nails what is left of our relationship, but I need to get these things off my chest. I know you don't see yourself in the best light, but that's not how I see you. You're the guy that stood up for me and always found ways to make me laugh before you truly knew me. You know I thought we were happy that we could be something more. That I wasn't just trying to build someone up only to have myself knocked down. It makes me feel worse than that guy I went on a date with before I met you…" No delete that last sentence don't need to bring that douche into all of this. "I know that you have a lot on your plate and I respect that you need to handle it, but you knew all of that before we started to see each other. I mean you got a job again after we started seeing each other. I was so proud of you even more when you said that you got a raise. I'm proud of what kind of way your are trying to build for yourself and not just that but building to be a better role model for your child. I just wish I'd get answer cause I feel like I'm gonna jump out of my skin. Out of so many people I know that you are an amazing guy that can fight his way through this world. I hope that you will be happy with whatever you choose."

I stare at my computer before I hit send wanting my sissy ass to get this over with so I can have my heart broken into a million tiny pieces. God are we just minpulationg each other…. No don't go that way Stiles. You've dated people that emotionally manipulated you and it isn't like that at all. Still the fistsqueezing my heart hurts so much.

I sigh when I notice that I have to go to work and Tess will be back to help me with filing even though she's done with working for the station in a week. I'm gonna miss her.

My phone beeps and sends some notifications to my smart watch and each time I jump worried that it'll be derek answering me.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

"Tess, do you think I'm to much for someone to handle?"

She gasps as she wraps her arms around me, "Did that boy you'e been seeing say that cause I still have my gun and I know there's plenty of woods out there that will be perfect for hiding a body."

I smile as I lean more into her hug as I shake my head, "No, he didn't say anything like that. Though he thinks that he's to much of a mess to be dating me or anyone. We've een fighting…. To the none talking point so he can think and I'm scared. I keep getting notificatinons and I feel each time I get one it's gonna be him telling me to fuck off."

"That boy is to nice to put it that way. Sure he might call it off, but he wouldn't be an asshole about it."

There's someone clearing their throat and we sigh when we see that it's Mr Mayor the giant asshole. "Are you being paid ot gossip or whatever this is while you work. I know you are finishing up your week here Tess, but you should know what you are to do here on county's dime." When he leaves we sigh both not wanting to deal with that man. His son isn't much far behind being his father, but he seems to have been bettering himself since he left Beacon Hills. Hell the guy even came out of his closet with his boyfriend at his side.

We shrug as we finish filing. My wrist vibrates and like every other time I look at it and I feel my heart sink as I see Derek's name pop up there still with a small heart. Sure I changed my phone's wallpaper, but his contacts are still the same. Maybe it's me being hopeful.

All I could read was, "I got your message….." Shit I feel like I'm gonna have a panic attack as Tess not to gently hits me on the back, "You're done fo the day it's already been 8 hours since you got here this morning we can tackle all of this in the morning. Plus we both know you won't be able to think especially since you have that Derek face on."

I nod my head as I grab my coat that's holding my phone, keys and wallet as I exit the station. I find my way back to dad's house wondering why I'm still living with him. Derek said part of the break was he didn't have his life together, but has he seen my life. I keep going back and forth of in and out of college. I still live with my father and sure Im a deputy, but there's another reason I'm on desk duty besides my dad being the sheriff.

I slowly pen my phone and find myself once again staring at Derek's message. I take a few breathes as I open the message to be faced with his answer.

"I got your message….. I don't think I'm a good guy. I fuck up everyone's life especially after Kate. Though you are right you deserve an answer. One that I'm not so sure of myself. All I know that not talking to you and seeing your name hurts me as well. I think of your smile and the goofy way you are when you start to get antsy. I get that you have social anxiety when meeting new people. I mean it took us how long to finally get to spend some time together after talking almost everyday. We both didn't have a whole lot to do about that. I know it's hard for me, but i have done some working on me since I told you I'd think about us talking and I think we should in person and not just over message. I'll be at our favorite dinner tomorrow during my lunch period. You know the time."

This sounds liek Derek, but I can't help but to think of nosey Laura and Cora. Could they be forcing this. Still I know that Derek eats there at the same time every day even when the garage is busy. He'd say cause then it's easiest to meet up with me cause it's my lunch break time. I bite my lips as I stare at my phone at his message. I could easily call him, but I can't get myself to do so so instead I stare at his contact picture. It's us being complete dorks with a filter where we're the iconic mice. I smile as I look at it before wiping my tears to go and grab some whiskey though I'm not a huge drinker besides a few stunts when i was younger.

I sit there on the couch watching on of Derek's all time favorite movies. In my new plus account. It's so old and a toaster really, but it makes me smile. I've been wanting to watch it again after how many years, but I promised Derek I'd watch it with him what would have been tonight, but fuck him.

Fuck him.

Fuck you Derek Hale I'll do what I want.

My phone rings and I ignore it watching the toaster and a vacum cleaner start off on an adventure or something.

It rings again, but again I ignoring it wanting a night for myself. Dad had put overnights on hold for himself after Derek debacle knowing how emotional I can get. Much less with how I deal with those emotions. I just want this shit to be fucking over.

I hit my head against the wall somehow. I sigh thinking of Derek's face as he'd make fun of me cause I always find a way no matter how i go to sit down against my wall I always hit my Fuck him.

When I wake up I realize that it's late and thank all that is holy that I have the day off even though Tess said she'd see me today. I smile as i snuggle deeper in my blankets sure it maybe Cali, but it still gets cold when winter starts up. I roll over to see that it's 10:30 in the morning. Damn that's fucking late. Wow, when have I swore this much.

I resign myself to get out of bed so I can shower so I don't smell like booze not ure why I thought it would help at all. As I exit my room I find my reflection seeing a lil of color back in my face for the first time in almost a week since this whole debacle started monday.

I find myself standing in front of the dinner hands stuffed in my jacket. I see Derek sitting there head on the table. Even from this far I can tell he's drained even though social media posts are all about the same that of a depressed man trying to fake his happiness…. Much like my own…. Well maybe not as bad.

I see Derek's shoulders move and before I can truly think of it i find myself standing infront of his table not sure what to do. I see Grace as she walks up to me whispering in my ear, "He's been kind of down all week though I think he took a longer lunch cause it's been like half an hour already."

I look at my watch to see that she's right and that Derek's lunch should be over. I thought I timed it that I would catch him on his way out to get back to work, but traffic in this town was acturally pretty bad today.

I give Grace a look and she nods her head as she gets me my usual. I take a closer look to see that Derek's simply asleep. I see his phone sitting on the table locked as usual. I smile as I do his passcoade glad that it hasn't changed. I see a partly typed text still pulled up. I see that's it's addressed to me.

I can't help reading it. "Stiles. I know I screwed up, but I was hoping that the talk I had planned out would me that you would give me one more chance. I had stopped by the station last night and I had talked with your dad. He had threatened that he would be willing to break a few laws to get my probation… well you get where that's going don't you. You are really lucky to have a father that loves you like yours does. I know that Cora had talked to you and I'm sure she says that I messed up and if she did she's right. I'm proud to say that I ad gotten my license back and work has even talked about promoting me…. Not sure where that cango in a auto garage, but who knows. Like you said I wish you a happy life with any decision you make."

I smile as I reach forward taking his hnd in mine. I smile as Derek snuffles a bit before his phone starts ringing reading that it's the garage. I shake Derek a little bit before he woke up. He was always a lil tough to wake up. He looks up to see me with a small sad smile on his lips before he takes his phone answering it. He's quiet as the person on the other side talks before he says, "okay," as he hangs up.

"Is it all alright?" I can't help ask.

Derek nods hi shead, "Yeah, boss said I need to take the rest of the day off so I can sleep. Almost dropped a carburetor on my foot some how today."

I chuckle, "You were never good at getting sleep. I don't think it'd be safe if you drove home."

His head pops up, "You read my message…. That I didn't send."

I look away a bit ashamed, "I'm sorry I was curious on what your phone said. I'm sorry I shouldn't have."

"Truthfully I probably would have changed my password i fI didn't want you to look at my phone."

"It still wasnt right of me to do that. Fuck, I'm not your ex."

Derek shakes his head as he takes my hand in his own, "You are not. You are nothing like her or any of my exes. Fuck… if anything you are probably one of the best. All you have been is supportive and helpful. You are not Kate or Jennifer or Bradden along with Kate. Those I don't know what I saw in them. When I look at you I see this life and it scares me. Sure I joked about being hot for a deputy and liking people in uniform but that doesn't… shit I'm fucking this up even more."

"No, you're not Derek. If anything you keep reminding why I fell in love with a tattooed dork like you."

"You love me…." he sits up straight as a board as he holds my hands.

I nod my head, "Though the last couple days have been painful."

"I'm sorry, Stiles. I'm an idiot. I know I should have decided if I was gonna try to get my life togehter and was ready to date, but there's just this thing about you that keeps pulling me in. Maybe it's that your funny or handsome…. Or loyal and supportive that puts my parents to shame."

I chuckle looking him over thinking that his parents are supportive though at times they have been known to crack jokes about a few of his tattoo choices.

"Can we try over?" He asks. I almost want to laugh at how this tough as looking guy sounds so meek, but I'm not shocked with all that time I had spent with him.

"How about we pick up where we left off. It was a fight and let's use it to bring us closer, cause I'm fucking done with this."