Reposting this entire story at once because chapter 2 is still not showing 3 days after posting.
…
General setting of this story: season 12, but Elliot and Kathy never actually filed for divorce and there is no Eli.
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PART 1 - Believe
Elliot Stabler had been functioning on autopilot for weeks now. Captain Cragen had been sensible enough not to officially assign a new partner to him just yet. Desk duty wouldn't have done him any good either so he had been paired up with Fin for the time being after George Huang had cleared him for active duty. John Munch had taken a new recruit under his wing and they were hoping to get another new addition to the team soon. For now, the desk opposite Elliot's remained empty.
He hadn't told George much. These things happened on the job. They dealt with dangerous criminals and sometimes, a cop was shot. Sometimes a cop was killed. This time, it had been his partner of thirteen years. Olivia Benson.
He wished she could have seen the sea of uniforms at her funeral, as well as the many, many survivors who had come to pay their respects. Her life-long struggle to find her own place in the world had come to an abrupt end and she hadn't even gotten to see how many people's lives she had affected, both in life and in death.
Or had she?
He had been numb in the days between that fatal shooting and the funeral. He couldn't believe she was gone, just like that. He'd felt completely dead inside and not even his children could reach him.
And then the dreams had started.
The first time, he had woken up crying. Kathy had done her best to be understanding and had tried to comfort him. But after a couple of times, his wife had become annoyed. How long was he going to wake up sobbing over his deceased work partner or calling out her name in his sleep? And so he was sleeping on his living room couch more often these days, or even at the precinct, just so he could be alone with his thoughts. With her memory. With her voice.
Her voice was clear as day in his dreams, and he could swear he even heard it after he had woken up. He would have pretend conversations with her in his head, knowing exactly what she'd say or do in a certain situation. He'd turn to her mentally while going over a case at night and after a while, he even thought about what she'd say or do in interrogation. Fin usually took the lead, but after a while, Elliot had started to chime in again, encouraged by his thoughts of what Olivia would say or do.
He was sitting at his desk now, exactly six weeks after her funeral. He tried to focus on his computer screen, going through the databases to find open cases with a similar MO as their latest rapist.
Maybe check other states as well.
It was as if she'd spoken softly in his ear but his head whipped up as if a bomb had gone off next to him.
"You good over there?" Fin called out to him from behind his desk.
Elliot's eyes were still scanning his surroundings frantically but nothing seemed to be out of place. The empty seat across from him was mocking him as usual, a constant reminder of his partner's absence. His heart was still pounding wildly but he took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. He had to get a grip. Having nightly conversations with her in his head was one thing but he couldn't start imagining her talking to him at work. He got up to get himself another cup of Munch's coffee and returned to his seat, determined to focus on his work again.
...
Still, the idea of checking other states stayed with him and he decided to call a friend at 1PP to ask him for the contact information of their counterparts in Pennsylvania and New Jersey. He had to start somewhere and his gut told him to go south. Or was it Olivia?
That same day, they had three other cases on their caseboard, one from New Jersey and two from Pennsylvania. Cragen complimented Elliot on his ideas to check the neighboring states and he felt like he should pass the compliment on to Olivia. It had been her idea after all.
He shook his head and blew out a breath. Was he losing his mind? Olivia had been gone for weeks. Of course she wasn't talking to him. It was just all the years of working together that were still in his head. Of knowing how she thought. What else could it be?
But no matter how hard he tried to dismiss all thoughts of Olivia speaking to him, he found himself not wanting to go home. Not if she was here …
"You're losing it, Stabler," he muttered, shaking his head at himself once more.
And then he felt a warm hand on his shoulder, pressing gently before releasing him. He looked up and saw … nobody. He turned his seat around to find whoever was playing a trick on him but he was completely alone. Even Cragen had gone home for the night already.
"Gimme a break," Elliot sighed.
He needed to get out of there, to get home. He powered down his computer and closed the opened files on his desk, then went to grab his coat. He hurried home, hoping to find some distraction there before the twins went to bed. Kathy told him he could heat up some leftovers if he was hungry and he took his plate with him into the living room to sit with the children, just to hear their voices and to listen to what was going on in their lives.
...
It helped, for a while. But once the twins had gone to bed and he was left alone with his own thoughts again, they automatically drifted back to her. Olivia. He could have sworn she'd spoken to him and that it had been her hand on his shoulder. He was losing his mind but he wasn't going to admit to that to anyone. He wasn't going to see a shrink to help him deal with his grief. No. Even if it wasn't real and it was just his imagination, he didn't want to lose it. He didn't want to lose that connection to Olivia.
Elliot heard a door close upstairs and he knew that his wife had gone to bed. She didn't wait for him anymore nowadays. He sighed and pushed himself up from the couch to grab another beer. He didn't feel like going to bed yet and he would probably end up on the couch again. He uncapped his beer in the kitchen and walked to the living room window to look outside. The wind had picked up and it was officially autumn now. He could see leaves tumbling over each other in the street under the street lamps. If he listened carefully, he could hear them rustle even through the glass, as if they were whispering to him.
I'm here.
The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end and he felt a chill run up his back. He could have sworn …
Elliot.
He turned around and looked around the dimly lit room, scanning every corner. He stalked towards the stairs and peered up, and then checked all the doors.
He was alone.
He walked back to the window, not sure if he was hoping to hear it again or if he was hoping he wouldn't hear it again. All he was hearing now was the wind and the rustling of the leaves, and once he felt disappointment permeate his chest, he knew the answer. He had hoped to hear it again. But it was quiet now. She was quiet.
Elliot shook his head at himself again. He had been doing that a lot lately. But despite himself, when he finally grabbed a blanket and tried to get some rest on the couch, he wondered when she would return to him.
…
Confronted with a DNA match in the New Jersey rape, a confession of all the rapes tumbled out of the suspect's mouth in front of his own lawyer as well as the ADA. Another solved case for the books, and Cragen was going to add it to Elliot's file.
"Glad you haven't lost your touch, Detective," the Captain said appreciatively, and Elliot nodded by way of thanks. Still, it felt wrong to take all the credit for this case. He wanted to thank her for pointing him in the right direction, but how? She wasn't here. She was never coming back.
Elliot was still watching their perp through the mirror window of the interrogation room and his vision became blurry. He still teared up at random moments, thinking of how he would never see her face again. He blinked a few times and then his eyes drifted to a reflection of a shape in the glass. He looked next to him but he saw no one. He wiped his eyes and looked again, but the shape was gone. All that lingered was the distinct feeling that he wasn't actually alone. And that could only mean one thing.
"Thank you, Liv," he whispered softly.
He knew she'd understand, like they had always understood each other so well. He felt a soft breeze as if someone was walking past him and he closed his eyes. He hadn't been alone, but he was alone again now. He felt like crying.
…
Another week passed and Elliot started looking up information about ghost appearances on the internet. He stayed at his desk longer and longer at night and sometimes went two days without a proper meal. Kathy wasn't even expecting him home for dinner anymore and seemed resigned to the fact that her husband was drifting away from her. Elliot felt it too. The more he was focusing on Olivia - missing her as well as possibly sensing her presence - the more he was losing touch with his surroundings. It wasn't healthy and he knew it but he just couldn't shake those feelings and with nobody to talk to about it, he felt more alone than ever before.
Except for those fleeting moments when he didn't.
Tonight, he thought he could actually hear her chair creak. He just knew she was sitting across from him, even though he couldn't see or hear her at all.
"Talk to me, Liv," he said softly. "We're alone. Just … why are you still here?"
He held his breath, half expecting to hear her voice; her answer. It was something he wondered about. The church had taught him that there was life after death but that there wasn't supposed to be any contact. So if it was really her, why was she still lingering here, with him?
He waited, but he got no sign from her. All he felt was this sense that she was there. Maybe it would have to be enough. He tried to focus on his computer screen again, squinting a little against the bright light in the darkened squad room. A new page popped up on his screen and he started reading it. Sometimes spirits lingered on earth because they had unfinished business, this website was saying. He couldn't believe he was actually knee-deep in websites about supernatural phenomena now. He had even found one encouraging him to hold something in his hands that belonged to her to 'summon' her. He didn't really have anything that belonged to her, except maybe his heart. It didn't shock him as much as he thought it would to admit it. He felt like he could admit it to himself now though, because Olivia was dead. There was no reason to deny it any longer.
"I love you," he mumbled, staring at the empty chair across from him. "I think I always have. And …"
He took a deep breath and tried to swallow the lump that was forming in his throat.
"I just … I miss you. So damned much."
He leaned his elbows on his desk and covered his face with his hands, trying not to cry but failing. His shoulders shook and his nose was clogging up, and he pressed his palms against his eyelids to keep the tears at bay.
Elliot …
Elliot froze, afraid to look up and possibly scare the voice away. He kept his eyes covered with his hands and listened intently.
Believe …
He slowly removed his hands from his face then and looked up.
Believe …
The word echoed around him and inside him. Believe. He thought he was pretty far out on a limb already the way he was going, but he had to wonder if he truly believed Olivia was with him. Or was it just wishful thinking, or her memory lingering around him? Did he actually believe her spirit was there, next to him now, in the squad room? And another question he needed to answer was, did he want her spirit to be with him? Shouldn't she be at rest now, finally free from all the pain life had given her? And shouldn't he want that for her in a way, even if she had been taken too soon? Shouldn't he be able to let her go?
…
There had been no more messages or signs and Elliot took the questions swirling around in his mind up with him to the crib. It was almost midnight so he wasn't going to bother going back to Queens tonight. He chose 'her' bunk, the one where he'd seen her sleeping so many times, and he imagined that the scent of her shampoo still lingered on the pillow, even if the pillow cases had been washed several times since the last time she was here. As always, his final thoughts were of her before he drifted off and fell asleep. He dreamed of her again and saw her get shot again. She died night after night in his dreams and each time, there was nothing he could do about it. Sometimes, he'd get shot with her and although he would never admit it to anyone, those were the least horrifying of the dreams. They would leave their bodies together, float over the scene hand in hand and then just disappear into the sun. Those were the dreams that had him wake up in tears. He knew he wasn't suicidal, but part of him wished he could have gone with her.
His kids had their own lives now. Maureen and Kathleen had already moved out and the twins were eighteen. They didn't need him anymore. Not the way they used to, anyway. And Kathy didn't need him anymore. She lived for the children anyway. But Olivia … she had been alone her whole life. She had needed him and he had failed her.
Elliot sat up in bed, suddenly wide awake.
Olivia had needed him in her life but what if she was still calling for him in death? He couldn't fail her again. Not this time. He sat on the edge of the bed, his socked feet on the ground, and he folded his hands, almost as if in prayer.
"I'm here if you need me. For better or worse … and even after death. I've got your back, Liv. I believe."
He felt a hand brush his back and he tried not to flinch. He turned his head slowly to the right. He saw nothing but he swore he could hear her breathing. Olivia.
The hand on his back remained, gently caressing him now and goosebumps broke out on his skin. I believe, echoed in his mind and it seemed the more he believed, the more aware he became of her presence. And the more he felt her next to him, the easier it became to believe. She was here!
"Are you alright?" he asked and he almost laughed out loud that he was actually asking her a direct question so seriously. But he couldn't help himself. Somewhere deep inside him, something was bubbling up; something he hadn't felt in all the weeks since Olivia was shot. And all he could do was laugh. Relief was coursing through him now, enveloping him as if he was taking his first real breath in weeks. He knew she was smiling too. He couldn't see it but he just knew.
I am now.
Her answer came in a whisper but it rolled through him like thunder. She did need him and she had needed him to believe!
"Because I believe?" he asked, needing to be sure.
Yes.
"Can I see you?"
His voice cracked, suddenly sounding so desperate. He had been desperate to see her, just one more time.
Believe.
He wanted to laugh and cry simultaneously. He could see her simply by believing? What had seemed impossible just weeks ago, had suddenly become the simplest, easiest thing in the world for Elliot Stabler. He didn't care anymore if he was losing his mind. He just needed to see Olivia again. He had based his entire life on facts; on tangible proof and rational, responsible decisions. Not weighing the pros and cons for too long but simply doing the right thing. Not anymore. There was nothing rational about this. His heart was taking the lead now and it wanted only one thing. To see Olivia.
Elliot stood up, somehow feeling like that was what he should do. He looked next to him expectantly and a warm glow touched his skin from the right. If he closed his eyes, he knew it would feel like the warmth radiating off a human being. Without thinking any further about it, he closed his eyes and held out his hand.
He felt her hand slip into his without hesitation and then her other hand was reaching for his other hand. She was standing in front of him now, so close that he could feel her breath against his chin. Behind his closed eyelids, the image of her became clearer and clearer until she was standing in front of him in all her glory.
He dropped his head and his forehead collided gently with hers.
"Olivia."
Elliot.
"You're actually here."
Where else would I be?
She sounded almost playful and he chuckled. Her voice was breathy but it was most definitely hers.
"How about heaven?" he asked her quietly. "God knows you deserve it."
He felt her smile widen then.
You have no idea.
He knew what she meant and he felt himself getting warm from the inside out. It was like she was inside him in a way; that her thoughts were merged with his own. He had no idea indeed what it was like after death and what God knew, as he had put it.
"Explain it to me," he said.
He felt her hands release his and for a second he thought she would pull away. But before he could panic, he felt her again. She was wrapping her arms around his waist and pulled him against her. Without hesitation, he wrapped his arms around her too. He stubbornly kept his eyes closed the whole time, needing to feel Olivia without wondering if this was all real or not. He buried his face in her hair and the scent of her shampoo filled his nostrils.
He was trembling and tears were finding their way down his cheeks again. It was surreal to hold her. He was holding her like he never had before and it felt so right that he didn't want it to ever end.
I was told to tend to my unfinished business, Olivia said softly next to his ear.
Half a dozen questions tumbled around in his head. Told? By whom? And why? And what was her unfinished business? Was it him? Or a case?
"You helped us with that case," Elliot breathed. "Is that … do you … are you …"
No.
She answered his question before he could even put it into words properly. She wasn't still here so she could continue working with him. But then why?
I'm not allowed to tell you yet.
A sense of loss passed through him even before he felt her start to pull away.
"Do you have to go?" he asked, not loosening his grip on her just yet.
I'll be back.
"That's Arnold's line."
Her spontaneous laughter echoed all around him and he opened his eyes when she pulled away from him and took a step back. For a split second he saw a human shape in front of him, but it quickly faded, as did her laughter. And just when he thought she was gone, he heard her say one last thing.
I love you too.
…
…
PART 2 - For Eternity
Much to his own surprise, Elliot had actually slept well for a couple of hours, and he felt refreshed after getting up at 7, taking a shower and shaving. He had had no disturbing dreams at all, and felt as if he had been sleeping in safe, warm arms all night. He changed into the last clean suit he had in his locker and went downstairs to make coffee for his coworkers before Munch would arrive and make his bitter brew instead. He was already sitting at his desk, sipping his first cup, when Cragen arrived.
"Good morning, Elliot," Cragen said, a hint of surprise in his voice. "You're here bright and early."
Elliot nodded, swallowing his sip of hot coffee. He suppressed the urge to give his partner a knowing look before answering their Captain. His partner wasn't here after all. Not yet, he thought to himself with a small smile. But she had promised him she'd be back and he believed her. He tried to stop reasoning with himself about it. Maybe it was all wishful thinking after all but he found himself caring less and less. He had held her the night before and it had been the realest embrace he had ever experienced.
She loved him.
It made him feel lighter and happier than he had imagined himself ever being again.
"No rest for the wicked," he told his Captain with a grin. "So no rest for those of us who chase them either."
"You're not wrong," Cragen chuckled, and then he headed to his office.
The rest of the team came shuffling in a little later, and soon they were all given their orders for the day. Elliot could feel Fin's eyes on him regularly. The man had to be wondering what had happened to change his grumpy coworker's mood so drastically but Elliot couldn't tell him. Munch maybe, but not Fin. Fin would be putting a call in to Bellevue within a minute and Elliot wouldn't even blame him.
Elliot was due in court after lunch and felt a slight relief when he could escape his coworker's inquisitive eyes for a while. Not that Fin's concern bothered him, but he just needed some time alone with his thoughts after a long morning. It was only sinking in gradually that while Olivia had been killed, she wasn't gone. Not yet, anyway. And the question was beginning to gnaw at him. What would happen once she had finished whatever unfinished business she had? Would she disappear from his life a second time, but for good? And if so, would it be enough for him to know that her spirit was living on, or would missing her still be as crippling as it had been?
There was no sign of 'life' from Olivia for the rest of the day and Elliot decided to return to Queens with his laundry from the station. He took two of his suits to be cleaned and pressed at the dry-cleaner in Queens and tossed the rest of his clothes in the washer. If Kathy was surprised to find him in the laundry room, she didn't show it. She didn't even ask where he'd been and only asked him if he was staying for dinner. It almost felt like she was considering him a guest in his own home, and maybe she was right. Maybe he hadn't really lived in their family home for a long time.
They'd always had their ups and downs, he and his wife, but over the past few years, things had simply grown stale between them. The heated arguments had stopped, as if they had accepted that they were merely coexisting now. Simultaneously, a warm understanding had developed between him and Olivia. They hadn't been as heated as before either, but things hadn't grown cold between them. On the contrary. They had simply felt at home next to each other. He didn't try to reason away why he would make such a comparison. Not anymore. He had admitted it to Olivia just yesterday. He loved her.
Like before, he didn't sense her until the rest of the family had gone to bed. And this time, he knew she was there before she spoke.
"Hey," he said with a smile, leaning back in his chair.
Hey.
"Where have you been?"
Olivia's chuckle fluttered around him.
'Where' isn't as defined anymore.
His grin widened. He relaxed. She was here and he felt alright again. He still had a lot of questions though.
I know you have questions but I can't answer most of them.
He considered her words for a minute and then asked her,
"Can I at least see you?"
I've been working on that but it's a tough trick to master.
Utter surprise must have been written all over his face because Olivia added,
You thought us ghosts just start out fully equipped to do our thing?
"Well … not that I had given it any thought before you showed up, but yeah … I guess so."
New arrivals actually have to go to class. Well, new arrivals with unfinished business, that is. We're a special category.
The absurdity of the conversation with his invisible companion suddenly hit Elliot, and he jumped to his feet.
"I need another beer," he mumbled, taking a few large strides towards the kitchen.
Whoops!
Elliot stopped in his tracks and turned around at the unexpected exclamation of his translucent partner.
"Everything alright?"
Yeah. You just walked right through me. I'm not used to that yet.
Elliot shook his head as he continued towards the fridge to grab his beer. He almost called out to Olivia to ask her if she wanted one too, but stopped himself just in time. Maybe he was getting a little too comfortable in this weird situation. Olivia was still dead, physically at least.
When he came back into the living room, the first thing he noticed was that all but one of the lights had been turned off. And then his eyes drifted to the shimmering shape in the shadows, hovering in his chair. She was sitting in his chair? He heard soft whispers coming from the direction of the shape and he walked closer slowly.
Darnit. It's still not working …
"What are you doing?" Elliot asked, his voice barely a whisper.
The shimmering shape disappeared on a heavy exhale.
Trying to become visible. This manifestation thing isn't as easy as it seems in the movies, El.
He couldn't help laughing again. He had a vivid image of Olivia's annoyed face in his mind.
"You'll get there. The Olivia Benson I know never gives up," he assured her, and then added softly, "and I'd love to see you again."
Elliot sat down on the couch, not wanting to sit on his partner accidentally, and they were silent for a minute while he drank his beer. And then he finally asked her if she could tell him anything about her unfinished business and how long it would take. But Olivia repeated that she wasn't allowed to tell him yet. He felt her move next to him on the couch then, her hand wrapping around his bicep. At least she had the touching part down pat. He closed his eyes automatically, like he had done the night before. It was easier to 'see' her next to him when he wasn't constantly aware that he couldn't actually see her. He felt Olivia take the beer bottle from his hand and heard her set it down on the coffee table. He reached for her hand on his arm and squeezed it gently.
"I still don't get how you can be here like this."
He felt her lean in and his eyes popped open when he felt her soft lips touch his cheek.
Just enjoy it while it lasts.
Her breath was warm against his skin and he turned his head, closing his eyes again and moving towards her breath instinctively. He moaned softly when their lips met in a soft kiss. He forgot the unusual circumstances and got lost in the moment, kissing his partner for the first time in his life. He felt her hand wrap around the back of his neck, pulling him closer to her and he did the same, tangling his fingers in her soft hair while they deepened the kiss. Elliot stopped thinking altogether. He was just feeling now, and he wanted to feel more of her; so much more. His hands were touching her body, however impossible that seemed. He had no idea what she was wearing and he didn't care. All he knew was, she was here and she was real and she was kissing him like only lovers do. It felt like she was transferring an energy to him that made him feel light and tingly all over and he couldn't get enough of her.
When they finally broke apart, he was breathing heavily. He held on to one of her hands to make sure she wouldn't disappear again, but he suddenly felt so tired. Once his breathing had returned to normal he dropped his head against the backrest of the couch. He felt Olivia's warm hand caress his forehead and his cheek and it was as if she was putting him in a trance. The last thing he heard was a renewed promise.
I'll be back.
...
When Elliot woke up the next morning, he wondered if it had all been a dream. Why had he fallen asleep right after talking to her privately again? After kissing her? Was it all a huge mind fuck after all? He had been so sure and yet, thinking back, how on earth could he have been making out with a ghost? Who even considered that?
Believe.
She kept whispering that one word, almost as if it was her life line; her connection to him. He remembered her words when he had given in and had told her he believed. And her relief when he'd asked her if she was alright. I am now. Maybe as long as he believed, she could be here. So if he wanted to talk to her again, he had no choice but to keep believing. But he would have to believe all of it. Even the kissing. And her promise that she would be back, at least until she had dealt with her unfinished business, whatever that was.
"I believe, Liv," he whispered as he got out of his car in the parking lot of the 1-6. "Just … don't leave me."
A lump formed in his throat and for a few moments he was back mentally where he'd been after her funeral, envisioning a long life of being without her; of missing her all over again. Don't leave me, he repeated in his head. There was no reply and he went inside. He just hoped she would return soon.
...
"Who were you talking to just now?"
Elliot turned around to see John Munch approaching him in the hallway outside the interrogation rooms. Elliot gestured at the people behind the glass.
"Hardwicke."
It was a lie and he doubted that Munch really believed him. But the truth was too weird, maybe even for Munch. The man would think he was losing it. He had been thanking Olivia for her help in the interrogation room.
"You think Graham's ready to make a deal?"
Elliot shrugged. "Depends what Hardwicke's willing to offer. I have a feeling he's been holding something back to bargain with."
Elliot and Munch had done a couple of rounds of good cop - bad cop with their perp and they had stepped out half an hour ago after the creep had finally invoked. The ADA had arrived ten minutes ago and Elliot had left the room so she could talk to the guy and his lawyer.
Munch seemed mildly surprised.
"What makes you think that, Elliot?" the older man asked him.
The question seemed simple enough but the answer wasn't so simple. Olivia had told him. She'd been in there with them. She had assured him he was the only one who could hear her but he'd held his breath a couple of times when he heard her speak close to the guy's ear. She said she could read his thought waves. Not his actual thoughts but the energy behind them. And she had sensed something she could only describe as 'he's waiting to take his shot'.
"I just get this sense that he's waiting to take his shot," Elliot told Munch.
Munch raised an eyebrow and looked at him over his dark-rimmed glasses.
"Are you into ESP now? We grilled him for two hours. If he had something for us, he would have told us by now."
"We'll see."
Another twenty minutes later, they were back on the road. Graham had indeed cut a deal and had given them information on an even bigger fish in the prostitution ring he'd been involved in. Elliot just smiled as they drove through town and Munch had to admit he had been right.
"What's going on with you lately, Elliot? Anything you wanna share?"
Munch was very observant and Elliot had a hard time coming up with the right words to answer his friend without sounding too crazy or grief-stricken. As he checked his mirrors out of habit he suddenly saw something in his rearview mirror. Or rather, he saw the most beautiful pair of eyes in the entire world looking back at him. Shocked, he hit the brakes of the car, stopping in the middle of the road, much to the dismay of the other drivers in his lane. Elliot checked the mirror again, but he couldn't see Olivia's eyes anymore. He looked behind him but he saw nothing in the backseat.
"Elliot, what are you doing?" Munch exclaimed, and Elliot quickly put the car back into gear and continued driving. He checked the rearview mirror again and there she was again. He could see her eyes and eyebrows now. He was afraid to look behind him but wondered if Munch would also be able to see her, now that she was apparently getting the hang of this manifestation thing.
"Can I tell him?" he whispered as softly as he could, assuming that Olivia would be able to hear him even if Munch couldn't.
Not yet.
Elliot swallowed, knowing he would have to accept her answer for now. There were a lot of things that couldn't be said yet, and he wondered what they were waiting for.
"I'm sorry John," he finally told his friend. "I guess I haven't really been myself since … you know."
Munch was understanding and put a comforting hand on Elliot's shoulder.
"Did you think you saw her?" the older man asked, completely unaware of how close he was to the truth.
"Yeah," Elliot admitted. "I just can't accept that she's gone."
Both men took a deep breath and let it out slowly, united in their pain of losing a beloved coworker and friend. Olivia reached for both of them from the back seat but then sat back, resigned. It wasn't her world to be a part of anymore. And it wouldn't be long now that she would have to leave it for good.
...
A few days later.
They had all been on the case for 36 hours straight. They were making progress but the long hours were taking a toll on all of them. The FBI was now involved, but Cragen had fought hard to keep the case and the FBI had agreed to join forces with them instead of taking the human trafficking case away from them completely. One of the main reasons Cragen had wanted to keep the case was the way Elliot had been able to connect with the two young rescued girls. They had provided them with invaluable information about the locations they had seen where the girls and women were being held, and the Captain felt that Elliot and the other Detectives deserved to see this one through. The FBI could take the traffickers but they wanted to make sure all the people they rescued were taken care of afterwards.
Elliot knew Olivia had helped him. He had felt her warm hand on his shoulder several times during the interviews with the girls, almost as if she was channeling her own empathy through him. Whatever she had done, it had worked. They had a list of first names and descriptions of the men now as well as three locations where women were locked up and pimped out. They had been able to match several of the names and descriptions with known felons. One of the locations was especially for clients looking for underage girls, and the SVU was going to participate in the raid on that location while the FBI would handle the other two.
"Alright people, listen up."
Cragen was addressing the large group that had gathered in the bullpen.
"You have all been briefed on this raid so you know the plan. I just want to say a few words and then we're out of here. Please wear your vests, alright? And no heroics, we go in as a team and I want all of you back out of there as a team, understood?"
The men and women all nodded and mumbled words of agreement, and a couple of them nudged each other. Cragen gave each of his Detectives a pointed look and looked Elliot in the eye when he asked him,
"Are you going to be okay, Detective?"
"Yes sir," Elliot said without hesitation.
He knew his Captain was worried that the raid might be triggering for him because of what had happened to Olivia. But Captain Cragen didn't know the whole story. He didn't know that Olivia had come back to him. He even suspected she would be joining the raid in her own way. And even if she wasn't there, he found comfort in the knowledge she would be waiting for him to come back and bring all those girls home safely.
She had kissed him more passionately than ever the evening before and had snuggled in his arms in the crib. He had fallen asleep with the feeling of her warm body against his own and he thought that even if it stayed like this for the rest of his life, he would be content. He wasn't cheating on his wife, so he had convinced himself. You can't cheat on someone with a ghost. She didn't even have a body anymore, no matter how real it felt when he closed his eyes and how hard she was trying to create a visible image of herself. Just seeing her beautiful brown eyes again had been amazing.
He had wondered what it was like for her to not be in a body anymore, but Olivia hadn't been eager to say much about it. Maybe she wasn't allowed to tell him. She still hadn't said a word about her unfinished business either. At first, he had hoped it was about him but as time went by, he had to wonder if it could be something else altogether.
The long row of vehicles arrived at the docks where the warehouse was that they would be raiding and they all parked out of sight and exited their cars quietly. The two SWAT teams readied their weapons and a few snipers ran off to get to their assigned locations quickly. Cragen was checking his own bulletproof vest before signaling everyone over the radio that they would be moving in. They had all been assigned specific entrances to approach and they moved in, covered by snipers on the roofs of the two adjoining warehouses as well as across the street from the main entrance.
Elliot and Fin entered the building quietly through one of the side entrances, just like Munch and their new recruit were doing at the other end of the building. They stayed in position as ordered and then all hell broke loose. The SWAT teams stormed into the building from the front and back entrances and spread out as quickly as they had come in, announcing their presence loudly, with the Detectives and other police personnel on their heels.
The traffickers were caught completely by surprise but not all of them were giving up without a fight. Elliot saw a man and a woman make a run for it and dashed after them up the stairs, followed by Fin, who quickly called for backup over the radio.
"Two armed suspects on the run, heading upstairs. We are in pursuit. Please send backup asap!"
Elliot was a flight of steps ahead of Fin and kept going up until he heard a door slam. The suspects must have gone through the door of the next floor. He ran after them and threw the door open, gun in hand. A gunshot rang before he could even see where the suspects were and pain seared through his left upper arm. He quickly turned his gun in the direction where the first shot had come from, adrenaline pumping through his system and keeping him upright for the time being.
Fin came up behind him but the suspects had ducked behind a pile of crates and fired again, narrowly missing both of the Detectives who dived for cover behind a concrete pillar. More feet were heard rushing towards them and the suspects were panicking. The woman yelled at her companion and Elliot took his shot when he saw her turn to make a run for a window in the back of the vast room. The woman went down screaming when a bullet hit her in the leg.
The door flew open again, revealing two members of the SWAT team as well as Munch and Captain Cragen. Their suspects were cornered and with one of them injured, there was no way out. But the male suspect, not expecting to get out of the warehouse alive, fired at the NYPD one last time, emptying his clip while the police officers began returning fire. By the time the shooting stopped, the suspect was dead on the floor.
Most of the suspect's bullets had hit the SWAT team members' vests or the wall behind them but one stray bullet had caused Elliot to drop to the floor. It had hit him in the neck and blood had started gushing out of the wound immediately. He gasped for air and his vision went blurry. He could feel himself begin to fade away already and then, suddenly, there she was.
Olivia.
He could see her face now, and there was concern as well as love in her eyes.
I'm here, she whispered.
Everything around him faded away and he didn't hear his coworkers call his name. He didn't feel Cragen applying pressure on his wound and yelling for medical assistance in a panic. His eyes were completely focused on Olivia, who was hovering above them.
Are you ready?
For what?
He couldn't speak anymore due to this injury and the pressure that was being put on his neck now but somehow, he could still talk to Olivia, just like she had been talking to him.
To come with me.
He groaned and he heard Cragen's plea in the distance.
"Stay with me, son. Stay with me. Help is on the way."
And then, in a suddenly resigned tone, his Captain added,
"We got them all, Elliot. We got them all. The girls and the perps. You did good. The girls are safe now. You did good."
It felt like his boss was saying goodbye to him and Elliot knew in that instance that this was, indeed, goodbye. His goodbye.
His eyes connected with Olivia's and his answer was in his eyes as well as hers.
Yes.
Olivia held out her hand and he raised his arm to grab it. She pulled him up effortlessly and when Elliot looked down, he saw his own body on the ground, blood pooling around it and his coworkers, his friends, gathered around him.
I'm dying, he whispered. Did you know this would happen?
Yes.
Is that why you stayed?
Yes.
So I was your unfinished business?
You ask too many questions, El.
He looked at her then and for the first time, he could see all of her. She was more beautiful than ever before, her long hair flowing around her perfect face and her long white dress billowing gently around her.
We're floating.
He looked down again and they both caught John Munch's eye. They looked at Elliot's earthly body and saw that they had stopped trying to save him. Munch said something and then Fin and Cragen looked up as well. Disbelief was written all over their faces, except Munch's. Their old friend was smiling.
Can they see us? Elliot asked.
Looks like it, Olivia answered. But we can't stay here.
Olivia waved at their beloved team and Elliot did the same. And then she grabbed his hand a little tighter and they were suddenly engulfed by a bright white light that whisked them away.
…
…
"So you weren't allowed to warn me?"
"No. That kind of intervention is absolutely forbidden."
"But you were allowed to contact me."
Olivia smiled.
"There are special rules for special cases."
As they spoke, Olivia was leading Elliot down a long, wide corridor and the closer they got to the end of the corridor, and to the stunningly beautiful garden that was out there, the less questions Elliot had. He had grabbed Olivia's hand without hesitation when she had asked him at the warehouse if he was ready to go, and suddenly he was beginning to understand all of it.
Olivia turned her head to look at him and everything she knew seemed to just pour into him.
They were soulmates.
But sometimes, soulmates didn't find each other again after death. He and Olivia had led completely different lives spiritually and would have entered the afterlife through different doors. Olivia had been allowed to stay close to him so she would be the one to guide him to the other side when his time came. So he wouldn't be afraid and so they could be together.
He hadn't expected to get here so quickly but now that he was here, there was nowhere he would rather be. He could already feel everything slide off of him that had kept him occupied while he was still alive, including his family.
"There is no sadness here," Olivia said. "and no missing."
He understood. He knew. Everything was clear now.
Olivia led him out into the garden and he had never seen such a beautiful place. Other people were there from all the corners of the world. The two of them sat down on a bench and when Olivia leaned in, he embraced her without hesitation and kissed her deeply. It felt different now and when he opened his eyes, he could see that their bodies - for lack of a better word - were merging together like two different fluids that were poured into the same cup. He looked into her eyes and she smiled, then answered his unspoken question.
"We can do anything we want, El. I waited for you, but I'm told making love is pretty spectacular up here. Even better than back on earth."
"I can't wait to find out for myself," he admitted with a grin.
"We have all the time in the universe now," Olivia said.
"Yeah. We're together at last," Elliot beamed.
Olivia lips brushed his as they drifted up and away to a place where they could be alone for a while, and she whispered,
"Together at last. For eternity."
…
Thank you for reading!