A/N: Something I've been wanting to do for a while, and after watching "Falling In Love" last week, finally got around to doing it. I definitely had fun writing this.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Michael sat with his hot drink feeling slightly awkward. Coming to Heather's hadn't exactly been a spur of the moment thing. Finding Jackie's wedding present in his car had been the excuse he needed to drop by.
Except now that he was here… It didn't seem so simple.
If he had visited Heather days ago, he had no doubt on what his intentions would be once they finished their drinks. But Brian had to go and spring the wedding date on him.
Not only that, but it was days away, and Jackie had no idea it was so soon. Actually, that rankled him a little. Who on earth thought it was a good idea to set a date behind their fiancée's back and tell everyone else?
But if Jackie was happy, it didn't matter. Michael would keep his mouth shut; it wasn't his business.
Perhaps what bothered him most was that all of this brought so many feelings out. Michael had been trying to move on with his life, and for a while, he seriously thought he had.
But if he had moved on, he probably wouldn't have been glad to have clubbed together for a wedding present. Meaning he didn't have to buy a present for Jackie himself. He wouldn't be hoping for some excuse that meant he could miss the big day.
He looked over at Heather happily taking a sip of her drink. Guilt settled into his stomach as he acknowledged that the only reason he was interested in Heather, was because he could no longer have Jackie.
To be honest, he wasn't sure he could remember a time when he didn't have feelings for Jackie.
And Heather deserved better than that, so much better. She was a warm, lovely woman who should have no trouble finding someone.
But he wasn't that someone.
"Is there something on your mind?" Heather asked.
"I'm…sorry," he said.
"For what?" a puzzled expression crossed her face.
Michael was at a loss for words. "I… I…" he trailed off.
"Is this about Jackie?" she finally asked.
A guilty look crossed his face before he nodded, "How did you know?"
"There's always been talk about the two of you," she answered. "But it's died down since Brian," she added at the surprised look on his face. "I thought… well I hoped it was just talk. Until now," she said, looking at him somewhat sadly.
What a bastard he was.
"I'm really sorry, Heather. I wasn't trying to lead you on," he said sincerely.
"I know. You don't strike me as the type who would do that," she said. Michael smiled slightly in reply. "Do you want to talk about it?" Michael raised an eyebrow, "About Jackie?" she clarified. At his uncertainty, she continued, "I know it's not easy to talk about, and it's a private thing. But it looks like you're in love with someone who's about to marry someone else. That's probably not easy."
"Okay," he said after a moment, surprising himself in the process.
Michael was a very private person. He was not the type to spill his guts to someone unless he was very close to them, like Jackie.
But the circumstances were very unusual, and the one person that he'd normally confide in was also the one person he couldn't talk to.
So, he talked. Michael spoke about how he'd first met Jackie, and how Jim Taggart had warned him off. And when that warning was no longer applicable, they had become so close that he had been too scared to risk that.
He told Heather that despite it all he was genuinely happy for Jackie. It was killing him to think about these feelings, about missing his chance. Yet he was pleased to see her happy.
He was surprised at how good it felt, to be honest about everything. Heather had been understanding, and at times sympathetic. It wasn't how he thought he'd be spending his evening, but it was for the best. Anything else would have eventually caused more pain.
Michael now felt like some of the weight was gone from his shoulders. Not all of it, but some of it all the same.
After a while, once he felt the topic was exhausted, he decided it was time to leave.
"Thanks," he said once he reached her door, "I didn't realise how much I needed that."
"If you ever want to talk again, my doors always open," she said.
"The same goes for you. You've been great. If I can repay that, I will," he said.
Heather nodded, a small smile on her face. She leaned forward to kiss his cheek, "Goodnight, Michael."
"Goodnight," he said before he left her flat.
Michael went straight home to his bed. Sleep that night came easy for him.
The next morning, however, was not simple for Jackie. She was still at the door, reeling from Brian's news. Disbelief, surprise, and other feelings she couldn't identify were within her.
At first, his surprise had been pleasant, even if it had been shocking. But a couple of moments after Brian's departure, the reality of his news had started to sink in for Jackie.
Yes, she had wanted Brian to organise the wedding. And yes, that had included the date. But she hadn't meant for him to do it all behind her back, and for Michael and the others to know before her.
Not to mention the wedding was this Friday. That wasn't a lot of time.
Was she wrong to be miffed by this? Technically, she had gotten what she wanted, just not quite in the way she planned.
Right?
Jackie shook her head. Sure, she'd had some doubts, but she had put that down to cold feet. She thought back to Robbie and their dance. It had shaken her a little, more than she cared to admit. But she wasn't in love with Robbie. She certainly didn't want to leave Brian for him. Their dance, however, had made her think about what she might be giving up.
God, this was awful. Brian had just organised their wedding. Which was what she'd wanted him to do. This was a good thing.
Jackie kept telling herself that on the way to the station.
But the more she thought about it, the less she believed it.
"Well, I thought you should be the person to tell me first," said Michael.
A beat passed, and the smile that Jackie attempted had an uncertainty about it.
"Jackie?" Michael asked, looking slightly concerned.
Should she admit to him about her disconcertion? Jackie regarded Michael, if there was anyone she could talk to about this, it was him.
So, why did confessing her doubts and fears about this to Michael scare her? Without thinking, she frowned, causing Michael to grow even more concerned.
"Is everything all right?" he asked.
"Honestly, Michael? I don't know," she replied.
That didn't sound good to Michael. "Wait here a moment, okay?"
"Why?" she asked, puzzled.
"Just give me a moment," he said before Jackie nodded. "Thanks," he said, before he rushed back into the bullpen.
True to his word he was back a moment later. "What was that all about?" she asked when he approached her.
"We're going to have a talk," Michael said in an almost matter of fact tone.
"Look, that's kind of you, Michael. But I'm fine, it's just a fuss over nothing," said.
"Is it?" he raised an eyebrow before Jackie let out a breath. "Listen, if you really don't want to talk, I'm not going to force you. But if you're having doubts this close to the wedding, you shouldn't be bottling it up. And trust me, talking to someone can be very helpful," he said.
"Oh?" she asked, with an eyebrow raised.
Realising he hadn't meant to say the last part he added, "Well, you've helped me a lot over the years."
Jackie smiled, "What about the case?" she asked.
"Robbie and Stuart can take care of that for a little while," he replied.
The kind and concerned look on his face won her over. "Alright," she said after a moment.
Michael smiled, "Let's go."
They went to a nearby café, sitting in a quiet corner with a couple of teas.
Michael gave her an encouraging look, waiting patiently for her to start.
"Do you think me being the last to find out about the date is strange?" she finally asked.
Michael let out a breath, "Honestly?"
"If I didn't want you to be honest, I wouldn't have asked, Michael," she replied.
"I do think it's a bit strange," he admitted. "But it's your feelings that are important."
"I was completely surprised when he told me this morning. I did ask him to organise the wedding. But I didn't expect this," she said.
"You know, I would have thought you'd have wanted a part in organising your wedding," he said conversationally.
"So, did I."
"But?" he asked.
"Somehow it just seemed daunting. In the end, it was easier to get Brian to do it," she said. "I suppose I've been having cold feet, but I thought I'd have the time to work through it."
"So, you're having doubts?" he asked.
"I guess so. I'd been able to put it from my mind. But then Robbie-"
"Robbie?" Michael sighed, "Now what's he done?"
"We danced in the tango club. I suppose you could say he swept me off my feet, in a way," Jackie admitted. She hated that she couldn't read the look on Michael's face, but she could tell what he was thinking. "It's not like that. It could have happened at one time. But I don't think it would work out, nor would I want it to."
Jackie also hated that Michael didn't look quite convinced.
"Why the doubts then?" he asked.
Jackie looked thoughtful for a moment, unsure of how to articulate her feelings. "I suppose sometimes it…doesn't feel right."
"You and Brian?" he asked. Jackie nodded in reply. "That's not great when you're about to get married," he said gently.
"I know," she said.
"You should probably talk to Brian," he said softly. Jackie nodded before he continued, "Look, whatever happens, I'm here for you. And I'm sure Robbie and Stuart will be too."
"Thanks, Michael," she said with a small smile.
"I just want you to be happy," he said.
They looked at each other intently, and Jackie felt the stirrings of something she'd previously buried away but wasn't quite ready to acknowledge.
"Right," she said breaking the moment. "I think it's time we finish these teas and get back to the case," she said before taking a drink of her beverage.
To avoid the others from asking her questions, Michael had Jackie with him throughout the day. She had appreciated that, not really in the mood to discuss it, wanting to save her energy for her talk with Brian. Although it didn't stop Robbie from making a joke about it, much to her chagrin.
Eventually, it was time for her to go home, and she found Brian already there, pleased to see her.
"Hi, darling," Brian said before he kissed her.
"Hi," she smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.
"Good day?" he asked.
"Not exactly," she replied. It was her tone, rather than her words that made Brian feel concerned. "Can we talk?" she asked.
Brian nodded before they both sat down on the couch. Jackie made sure to put some distance between them, something that didn't go unnoticed by Brian.
"Jackie?"
"Why did you tell everyone the date of our wedding before me?" she asked.
"You wanted me to organise it," he said.
"I know I wanted you to, but I didn't think it meant you going behind my back and telling the others. Not only that, but you tell me just days before our wedding. It doesn't exactly give me a lot of time to prepare," she said gently.
"I suppose I didn't think of it like that," he admitted. "We both agreed we didn't want a big wedding. I thought you'd be happy about it." Seeing her unease, he added, "At the end of the day, we're going to spend the rest of our lives together. Isn't that all that matters?"
Jackie sighed "About that…"
"I see," he said, as understanding crossed his face. "You don't want to get married, do you?"
Jackie avoided his gaze, "I don't think I do." She met his eyes before she added, "I'm sorry, Brian."
Brian exhaled, "Can you at least tell me why?"
"I do love you, I'm just not sure if it's strong enough. Or if it's even in the way that I should," she answered.
"Right," he nodded. "Is this about Robbie Ross?" he asked in a slight gruff tone.
"No," she said firmly.
"Come on, Jackie. The two of you are very close, you've told me that yourself."
"That doesn't mean I want to be with him," she said.
At his disbelieving look, she sighed. She should probably tell him about the dance. Because while it didn't really mean anything (on her side anyway), it was part of the reason for her doubts.
"We did have a dance, but that was all. It didn't mean anything," she said.
Brian raised an eyebrow, and she found herself wanting to prove that she wasn't about to go off running to Robbie.
She continued in a rush, "It could have happened. But that was before we met. I wouldn't even have entertained the notion if Michael-"
"What about Mike?" he asked.
But Jackie didn't answer as everything started to make sense. With clarity, she could now see why things hadn't felt right with Brian, why she had ever considered Robbie, and why it would never work out. And she could now acknowledge that feeling she'd had in the café earlier.
She was in love with Michael.
And those feelings weren't new, she'd had them for a very long time. But she thought she'd moved on from them, closed the door on it.
But the truth was that those feelings had just been buried, waiting to be acknowledged. And it seemed that now the time had finally come.
Brian, who seemed to read her thoughts, said, "Ah, seems I was concerned about the wrong man."
The guilty look on Jackie's face said it all. Brian had never considered that he could lose Jackie to Mike. Robbie he could have foreseen stealing her away, but not Mike. Mainly because Jackie's boss had never seemed the type to make a play for someone in a serious relationship. And he was reasonably sure that was true.
"Has Mike said anything?" he asked.
Jackie shook her head. Well, he was right about that at least.
Brian stared at Jackie for a long moment. Yes, he felt some anger and some bitter resentment. But mostly he felt pity for her. "I feel sorry for you," he said.
"I don't think I deserve that," she said.
"Perhaps not," he said.
Jackie took one last look at her engagement ring before she removed it from her finger and handed it to Brian. "I really am sorry," she said.
"Me too, Jackie," he said sadly.
Brian then got some of his things together before he left the flat. It was then that Jackie let her tears fall. She cried for Brian, and for the pain she must have caused him. She mourned her failed engagement, even though deep down she knew their relationship should never have happened. But most of all, she cried for her inability to get over her feelings for Michael.
"Damn you, Michael," she whispered.
The next morning, Michael walked into the bullpen, surprised to find Jackie already there. He went to greet her, but the words died on his lips as he regarded her.
For the most part, she looked as she normally did. But Michael could see the signs of how emotionally drained she felt. He glanced at her left hand and saw that the ring was gone.
"I won't be needing that leave after all," she said, her voice devoid of any emotion.
"I'm sorry," he said.
Jackie shook her head, "It's okay. It's for the best."
"Are you alright?" he asked softly.
"I'll be fine," she said with forced brightness.
"You can still take that leave if you want," he said.
"I don't think so. But thanks all the same," she said.
Neither were aware that Robbie had appeared at the entrance to the bullpen. Seeing that Mike and Jackie were having a private conversation, he turned to go, but Jackie's voice stopped him.
"Anyway, we still have a case. Can't leave everyone in the lurch, can I?"
"My door's always open, you know that don't you?" said Michael.
Jackie nodded before Michael went to put a comforting arm around her, but at the last second, Jackie turned away, taking a drink of her coffee. Michael frowned as he wondered if she had intentionally distanced herself from him.
Stuart had now appeared beside Robbie, who had silently stopped him from entering the bullpen. It was then that Michael and Jackie turned around and noticed them.
"What's wrong?" asked Robbie.
"Brian and I broke up," she said.
"I'm so sorry, Jackie," Stuart said before he rushed over to hug her.
Robbie, who had now fully entered the bullpen, noted the hurt on Michael's face. Now that was strange, why hadn't Jackie accepted comfort from Mike?
When the hug ended, Robbie placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, "I'm sorry too." Jackie gave a small smile in reply. "What happened?" Robbie asked.
"To put it simply, we both realised it wouldn't work out. It's best to realise it now, instead of in a marriage," she said.
"Yeah," Robbie said. "Will you be okay?"
Jackie nodded, "Of course." Robbie squeezed her shoulder before letting it go. "Right, we still have a case," Jackie smiled, breaking the moment.
Michael was the first to adjust to the sudden change as he went over the case and gave everyone orders. Unlike yesterday, he paired Jackie with Robbie. Feeling a little slighted over earlier, he thought it best to have her work with someone else. And if she needed him, well she knew where he'd be.
Jackie had tried to forget that tomorrow would have been her wedding day. The case had made that easier, until it was solved.
She was walking back from the cells with Robbie, talking over the case.
"So, how are you?" he asked.
Jackie stopped in her tracks and looked at him for a moment. "I suppose I'm just feeling guilty over Brian." She let out a breath, "The truth is, I was with him for the wrong reasons, I just didn't realise it."
She was dismayed to find what appeared to be a flicker of hope in his eyes. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt someone else.
"It's not you," she said softly.
Robbie nodded in understanding. They stood in silence for a moment until he broke it, "But it's Mike, isn't it?"
Jackie stared at him and debated whether to deny it or not. "Yes," she finally said quietly.
"I thought it was strange when you didn't let Mike put his arm around you, but you were fine with Stuart and me comforting you."
"I guess I couldn't face it after realising…" she trailed off.
Robbie squeezed her shoulder, "The two of you might actually be good together," he said after a moment.
"You think?" she asked.
"Sure, and if you had kids, I could be Uncle Robbie," he said before Jackie smiled. "That would be a great way to get Mike off my back," he smirked.
Jackie playfully swatted him while laughing. After a moment she sobered, "Robbie?" At his small nod she continued, "If I ever do have children, no matter who the father is, you're definitely going to be Uncle Robbie."
Robbie grinned before he kissed her cheek and enveloped her into a hug. It was then that Michael appeared seeing them. He half smiled, before he turned and somewhat sadly, walked away.
"Listen, you deserve to be happy," Robbie said after he pulled away slightly.
"Thanks," she smiled before he let go of her completely.
They walked back to the bullpen knowing that they would always be friends. And Robbie found himself surprisingly content that he could now finally close the door on the possibility of a relationship with Jackie.
Not long after their chat, Jackie left the station. While Robbie was in Michael's office going over some points about the case.
"Unexpected about Jackie wasn't it?" Robbie asked changing the topic.
"I thought they were happy myself," Michael said. Well, until yesterday, he mused.
"She's probably going to need someone to talk to," Robbie said.
"I see you've been doing a good job of that," he said. At Robbie's raised eyebrow he added, "I saw the two of you hugging earlier. I'm sure she'll be quite happy to talk to you," Michael said before he turned to a report on his desk.
"For Christ's sake, Mike! It's not me she wants!" The annoyance was evident in Robbie's voice.
Michael stared at Robbie, "What?"
"You're the boss. You figure it out," Robbie said before he left the office, leaving Michael alone to his thoughts.
Jackie had gone home for a while, before deciding to bite the bullet and go to Michael. He wasn't home, so she slumped down onto his doorstep. It had been hard enough working up the courage to talk to him, so she waited, after a while, his car appeared.
She was still seated on his doorstep when he approached her.
"I just dropped by yours to see how you were," he said, slightly surprised. Jackie smiled before she stood up. "How long have you been waiting?" he asked.
Jackie shrugged, "Not too long."
He unlocked the front door and they went inside, silently making their way to his living room.
"Can I get you anything?" asked Michael.
"No, I'm fine thanks," she replied.
Michael sat on the couch, "Take a seat." Jackie wordlessly joined him, keeping a bit of distance between them. "What did you want?" he asked.
"First, I wanted to apologise for earlier. You tried to comfort me, and I basically ignored you," she said.
"It's okay, it's not a big deal," he said.
But Jackie could tell from his face that it had hurt him.
"And I wanted to tell you exactly why Brian and I broke up," she said.
Michael nodded, "Go on," he said softly.
"When I talked with Brian about how he'd organised the wedding, it quickly became clear to both of us that I didn't want to marry him. He assumed it was because of Robbie, but when I tried to convince him it wasn't, I realised the real reason it couldn't work with Brian."
"Which is?" he asked.
"I am in love, but I thought I'd gotten over it ages ago. The truth is that I buried it so deep that I was able to convince myself I had, but I hadn't. I should never have been with Brian; I was never really his in the first place."
"What are you saying, Jackie?"
"I don't want Brian; I don't even want Robbie." Jackie let out a breath, "I love you, Michael."
He stared at her in shock and Jackie found the silence unnerving.
"That's quite a coincidence," he said when he found his voice.
Jackie's brow furrowed, "How?"
Michael exhaled, "Because I had gone to your flat so I could tell you that I'm in love with you."
They both laughed quietly, delighted and relieved that their feelings were reciprocated.
Jackie scooted closer to Michael as their laughter subsided. "You're not a fan of coincidences," she teased.
"No, I'm not," he said before he pulled her closer. "But in this case, I'll make an exception," he smiled.
They gazed at each other for a long moment before they both leaned forward and kissed. It started softly at first, but quickly grew in passion as over a decade worth of hidden feelings were finally unleashed. The kiss was intoxicating and Jackie never wanted to be kissed by anyone else again.
Feeling the need for air, they both reluctantly broke away, but not before Michael gave her a quick kiss, and then another quick kiss before they let go of each other.
As cliché as it sounded, the kiss had felt right.
They had felt right.
"That was worth the wait," Jackie finally said with a smile.
Michael smiled in reply, sensing there was something else she wanted to say.
"But…" she trailed off, finding it hard to articulate the words.
"You want to take things slow?"
Jackie nodded, "I've just broken off an engagement. I'm not sure I should be rushing into anything so soon. Is that okay?"
"Jackie, just days ago, I thought I had lost my chance to be with you. I'm just glad that I haven't," he said. "I love you," he added softly.
"I love you, too," she smiled.
Michael smiled in return before he tenderly kissed her forehead and hugged her.
Yes, Jackie thought as she tightened the embrace, this did feel right.
The End