whoa that was hard to write. i hope you enjoy and please do leave reviews, those are really the only reward for me when i write this :) - belle x

Jay is leaning against the door, his arms crossed over his chest and his jaw clenched tightly. His eyes focused on Allie's dead body. She'd been shot in the head. The bullet had shattered the glass window she was lying in front of. Her parents had found her like this when they'd returned from their night outing.

The body is now covered. But Jay's gaze does not waver. The tension in his body does not dissipate.

At the same time, Mrs. Corson breaks down in tears. That seems to shake Jay out of his stupor as he makes his way over to her, gently taking her hands in his and talking very softly to her.

I can see that Mr. Corson is distraught too, but he's clearly keeping his emotions in check for his wife's sake. Allie's body is being taken away, and Mrs. Corson just cries harder.

"My poor baby girl," she sniffles.

Jay's eyes fill with pain. He's hurting badly too. I still don't know who exactly Allie was to him, but I know now's not the time to bring it up. Not the time to ask. Although I can wager a pretty good guess, I don't want to jump to any conclusions without hearing what Jay has to say.

Jay says one last thing to both Mr. and Mrs. Corson and they both nod, before Mrs. Corson steps forward to engulf Jay in a hug. He reciprocates her action. I can also guess what he's promised them, and I know I'll do everything to help him keep that promise to them. The whole unit and district will.

As we head back to the district, Jay remains silent. And I don't say anything either. It's clear to me that Allie's death has badly affected him, and I'm worried about him being reckless again. Of him being willing to throw his life away if it means he can keep his promise to the Corsons.

When we head up into the bullpen upon reaching, he heads straight to the break room without saying a word or even glancing at any of our colleagues. I'm itching to go after him, but Kim stops me.

"Hailey, I just got off the phone with the M.E. Allie was raped before being shot."

I turn my head so fast that I almost give myself a whiplash. I don't know how I'll ever be able to tell Jay this. He's already in so much pain. This will just add more grief and anger.

"Jay can't know," I say to her softly.

"Hailey come on. She was his ex-girlfriend and good friend. He deserves to know," Kim protests.

"Can't you see he's already hurting, Kim? I can't add this to his pain too."

"He's a cop. He'll eventually find out and then what? You're his partner, and if he finds out you knew all along and intentionally kept it from him, he'll be furious."

"Then let him be furious with me. I'm doing this to protect him from more pain, Kim. I can't watch him go down the rabbit hole again. Not -." I stop myself from admitting it's because he's my boyfriend. That, if I have to watch him go through hell again, I'll break.

"Hailey, I'm sorry. But if you don't tell him, I will have to do it. He has a right to know since he's a part of this investigation," Kim states.

I sigh in frustration as I rub my forehead. "Okay fine, I'll tell him."

I turn away from Kim and walk into the break room. Jay is leaning against the sink. It seems to be déjà-vu for me. I remember us talking about how Voight had told Jay he wanted him to run the unit after him and how Kelton's day of reckoning would be coming. I remember telling Jay he'd forget about me just fine if Kelton succeeded in disbanding intelligence. I vividly remember Jay's heartbroken look at the fact that I would ever even think it was possible for him to ever forget me.

"Jay?"

He turns his head at the sound of my voice. "Sorry. I just needed to think."

I nod. "Who was she to you?"

He sighs, now turning to face me as he leans against the counter. "We dated in high school before I left for war. We lost touch for a long while. After I came back and joined the academy, we got back in touch, but she was no longer living in Chicago. She had a younger brother, Ben. He was 8 at the time. After I became an officer, I noticed some guy constantly watching Ben. But I had no proof of anything. And because I wasn't diligent enough..." He takes a deep breath, almost as if he's steeling his emotions. "My partner and I were the first ones on the scene. We found Ben behind a bush...He'd been raped and murdered."

A muscle ticks along his jaw as he fights his anger, and possibly, guilt. "From then, I've always felt I owed it to the Corsons to be there for them. I never stopped blaming myself for what happened to Ben, for what I let happen to him because I hadn't done my due diligence. Allie and I drifted back together, but eventually, I ended it again. We remained good friends, though."

"Jay, this isn't on you," I promise gently. I'm heartbroken and also grateful for his honesty. But if he finds out Allie was also raped first and then murdered, he would only be hurt more.

"I didn't answer her calls or texts when she needed me most, Hailey. Like hell this isn't on me."

"Look Jay, I'm sorry. I just – I didn't know."

"No. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about her before. And the text you saw from her, it wasn't what it sounded like. She probably wanted to tell me something important. But she's dead now and I'll never what she needed to tell me." His voice breaks only slightly.

"Don't blame yourself for what happened. You couldn't have known, Jay." I touch his arm gently. "The only person to blame here is Booth."

Jay's eyes immediately snap up to meet mine. "You think Booth did this?"

"It has to be him. I don't know who else could do something like this," I admit.

"I don't see any reason for him to kill Allie. It doesn't fit, Hailey."

"She was murdered in cold-blood, Jay. That not enough for you to suspect Booth is behind this? Yeah, he may not have pulled the trigger himself, but he's behind this for sure. I am sure of it."

Jay still doesn't look convinced but before I can say anything more, Vanessa enters. "Guys, we got something."

Jay and I both follow her out after sharing a glance. One that says we'll be talking about this in more detail later.

We stop at Adam's desk. "Our unknown burglar posted bail around midnight. We caught him on surveillance following Allie," Adam reveals as he shows us the footage.

"Where's the son of a bitch now?" Jay demands furiously.

"Dead," Kevin responds grimly as all our eyes turn to him. "He was found in an alleyway, near Allie's workplace. And we have multiple witnesses saying a blonde woman killed him in self-defence."

Jay's eyebrows furrow. "Did they have a description of this blonde woman?"

"It was Allie," Kim confirms. "He raped her -"

"He what?" Jay interrupts coldly.

Kim shoots me an exasperated look. Then says, "I got off the phone with the M.E, Jay. She says there's clear evidence of sexual assault on Allie's body."

"It seems she managed to get away by killing him and somehow got to Med," Vanessa continues.

Jay immediately grabs his mobile. Probably to call Will.

"Okay, I'll be there in 20," he says before hanging up.

"What was that?" I ask.

Jay looks at me and the look in his eyes sends a wave of guilt rushing through me. It's a look of betrayal and hurt. I would honestly rather he be angry at me, or even furious, but him feeling betrayed and hurt, by me no less, just doesn't sit well with me.

"I need to talk to Will," is all he offers before departing.

Instinctively, I follow after him, needing to apologise and explain why I'd hidden the information from him in the first place. That I had done it to protect him from getting hurt, and yet, I realise, by concealing it, I had done exactly what I'd been trying to protect him from.

Stupid, I chide myself.

"Jay," I call out.

He spins around, the hurt still visible in his eyes. "You knew, didn't you?"

"I-."

"Hailey."

"Yes! Yes, okay? I knew, Jay. I knew. Kim told me right before I came to you."

"And you still didn't think to tell me?"

"I-I didn't."

"Well, were you going to?" he demands. "Tell me the truth. Were you ever going to tell me?"

"No. No, I wasn't."

Jay clenches his jaw again. My words wound him and I know it. "Well, at least you were honest about that."

He walks away from me, gets into his truck and drives off.

I let him go as I rub my hand over my face. I'm upset and regretting my poor decision to hide information from him, even if my intention had been pure. Hurt by his words too, I make my way back to the bullpen.

It's now the end of the day and Jay still hasn't come back. I'm worried he isn't okay. I've tried calling him but he doesn't answer and I get sent straight to voicemail. Even calling Will hasn't worked because he's not picking up either.

At that moment, my phone lights up. I open the message only to find myself looking at a picture of an apartment with blood on the floor.

"Hailey, we gotta go. We just caught a case," Vanessa urges.

Still perplexed by the meaning of the picture, I managed to nod. "Alright. Let's go."

When we reach the apartment block, it seems oddly familiar to me but I can't place why. We rush to the second floor and I immediately halt, stunned by what my eyes are seeing.

My senses kicking in again, I choke out, "That's Jay!" I run to his body. He's unconscious and barely breathing. I grab his wrist to feel for a pulse. It's faint but at least it's steady. He's bleeding from a head wound and his shirt is also drenched in blood. I gently peel his shirt away from his stomach, finding that the excessive amounts of blood is from a wound in his stomach. I press my heads to his abdomen, forcing myself to stay calm, stay level headed.

I hear Voight's voice, though muffled, radioing from an ambulance. The words "officer down" reverberates in my mind, bringing tears to my eyes. Dammit. How many times will I have to go through hearing those two words in regards to Jay – the man who's my partner, my best friend and my boyfriend?

I'm so unfocused that I don't hear the paramedics arrive but I see them. They immediately put Jay on a stretcher, and one of them takes over from me to compress his wound. I look over at Voight and he nods. I jump into the ambulance with him.

This is déjà-vu number two for me today. I hold Jay's hand, as I had done before, and basically plead, "Don't you dare leave me, Jay...or else, God so help you, I'll kill you."

The only response I get is the sound of his breathing through the oxygen mask.