hi. I had this idea yesterday, and it's basically the gods learning about zodiac signs. I also had to make up birthdays for each god, because it doesn't say specifically when they were born. (besides Artemis and Apollo). I don't believe in Zodiac signs so this is just going to be satire lol.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Hera had made a futile attempt to get the Olympians together to bond over dinner, and as she put it, 'be a normal family.' The gods planned to eat on a huge, marble, table in the dining room.
One-by-one, the gods piled in.
The dinner was one big awkward silence, Zeus picking at his ambrosia, and Poseidon chugging his water. Finally, Athena cleared her throat.
"What's your zodiac sign? I'm a Virgo." She could see the confusion on her fellow gods faces.
"Is that a kind of cereal?" Demeter asked eagerly. Athena shook her head.
"It is a star sign..." Athena launched into a detailed description of the zodiacs.
"Is Ursa Major a zodiac?" Artemis asked curiously.
"No. The only zodiac signs are Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, and Pisces."
"Aquarius sounds cool." Poseidon noted.
"No, it doesn't!"
"What is the May 24th zodiac?" Apollo asked about his birthday.
"Gemini."
"What's the one after Gemini?"
"Cancer."
"Artemis is a cancer."
"Apollo, we're twins! We were born on the same day, dumbass!" Hephaestus frowned.
"Who ever said asses were dumb?" He asked angrily, defending his sacred animal. Artemis put her head down on the table in frustration and growled.
"Spending too much time with your animal friends, sis?" Apollo taunted. He became a silver porcupine of arrows.
"It's ironic, Gemini's symbol is the twins, and Apollo and Artemis are Geminis and the twins." Poseidon said, looking at his phone.
"You finally learned what ironic means, fish breathe!" Athena sneered.
"I always knew what it meant!"
By now, Hermes was already logged into TikTok, watching compilations.
"According to this, all Geminis are hot." Hermes looked at Apollo and wrinkled his nose. "This is so wrong."
"If all Geminis are hot, then I must be one!" Aphrodite screeched, yanking the phone from the god of Messengers, just to drop it when she spotted the two snakes curling around the top.
Ow. George complained.
Please be more careful, dear. Martha told the petrified love goddess.
"Aphrodite, you're a Capricorn."
"Then Capricorns must be so amazing!"
Dionysus took a long sip of his Kool-Aid. (His Roman son, Dakota, introduced it to him, and it was a good replacement for wine.)
"Is there a wine zodiac?"
"No!"
Dionysus rolled his eyes.
"What am I?" Ares asked Athena.
"Aries." She responded
"I know- but what zodiac sign?"
"Aries." She repeated, annoyed.
"I know that, woman!"
"Then why are you asking?"
"Because I want to know my zodiac sign!"
"Your zodiac sign is Aries!" Realization dawned on Ares.
"They named a zodiac sign after me? Sweet!" He pumped his fist.
"It wasn't name after y-" Athena started.
"Yes it was!" He yelled and shoveled ambrosia into his mouth to signal the conversation was over.
On the other side of the table, Aphrodite had recovered from the shock of George and Martha.
"Ares, we're breaking up! Our zodiac signs are not compatible!"
"What? After over four thousand years?" He complained. Aphrodite shushed him.
"It's not you, it's your zodiac sign."
Hera turned to Athena.
"What is mine and Zeus's signs?" She asked, looking for an excuse to argue with him.
"Father is a Libra and you are Aquarius. Very compatible, by the way." Hera was about to reply-
Enough! Zeus boomed. "Libra is the best sign, end of discussion." He glared around, daring anyone to contradict him and get tossed off Olympus.
Hera sighed. What a nice family dinner.
I really want to make one where they discover Florida Man and one where it's the solstice and Hestia and Hestia are having a book club and sipping tea and making commentary lol.