Warning: N/A
Chapter 4- Deja Vu
Harry could hear the train whistle from his perch in the woods, the blaring sound echoing in his sensitive cat ears. The dejavu of it was profound. It hadn't even been a year ago when he'd been in this same spot, listening to the Hogwarts Express arrive. He'd been hiding from Draco, because Draco had been too interesting, too alive, and he could admit now that he'd been scared. Scared because he'd known even than Draco had the power to hurt him.
He still had the power to hurt him. Was hurting him with his silence and his distance. Harry knew he'd done something wrong. There was no other explanation for the way Draco had avoided him the past few days, for the way he could barely look at him. But he couldn't for the life of him figure out what he'd done.
He should have been mad. He would have been mad a year ago. A bone deep anger with yelling and throwing things that would never have let the hurt in. Now, he could barely be pissed. Now he couldn't do anything about the way Draco continued to avoid him, because yes, Harry had done a lot wrong. But he had been starting to think Draco wasn't one of them.
He buried his face under his paws as the train whistle sounded again, closer this time. He could feel his whiskers brushing against bark, hard and textured and uncomfortable. He had been napping before the Hogwarts' Express had woken him up. Recently, the nightmares had come back. They still weren't as bad. Less screaming at least.
But he had woken up once sure that Voldemort was still alive. Another time with the feeling of Vernon inside of him, his chubby hands clutching along his hair. The worst part was that he couldn't go to Severus, couldn't go to Draco. It was a new experience to stay awake, staring at the ceiling with no one's breathing in the room around him to reassure that the nightmare had just been a nightmare. But he didn't know if they would reject him. Didn't know if he could take it. It was one of those things that it was better not to find out.
He'd found that sleeping in the woods in his Animagus form was one of the few places his nightmares were subdued, his animal brain having a hard time processing dreams. Besides, no one had ever looked for him in the woods before. He wasn't sure why they would suddenly start.
He raised his head at the unmistakable swish of the train entering the station. It blew its horn for the final time, and he could hear the breaks clicking into gear. He knew Severus would expect him to at least attend the feast. And if it had been anyone else, he would have skipped anyway, but it was Severus. And well, he couldn't stay in the woods forever.
Blaise found Luna almost as soon as he stepped onto the train. He wasn't looking for her. That would have been… lame. And he wasn't lame. So what if they'd kept in touch over the summer. He wasn't about to search her out as if he was desperate for her company or something.
As soon as he stepped onto the train, she just happened to be in aisle, her glasses hanging from her hands as she stood staring as him. As if she'd been waiting for him. Which was ridiculous.
He hadn't even been sure he was coming back. He didn't have to. This was his 7th year. Not a requirement. Not something he had to do. And after the fiasco last year, he'd almost left well enough alone.
"Hey, Blaise," Luna said, smiling over at him.
"Hey," he answered, waving at her. And he looked like a total idiot.
"Come sit with us," she said, and somehow, she managed to make it sound not at all like a question. He let her drag him into her car. He knew Draco was already at Hogwarts and honestly, he wasn't too chummy with the rest of the Slytherins. At least, the few that had been Death Eaters were gone, but that didn't make the others any less conceited.
"Hey," Ginny Weasley said as soon as he walked in. She was perched in the seat by the window. Her boyfriend—he thought they were still dating—Dean Thomas next to her with that other Gryffindor boy, Seamus Finnigan, on his other side. Neville Longbottom was in the seat across from them, and Luna quickly set herself down next to him, still twirling her glasses between her fingers.
Blaise almost just walked out. Almost. He figured that was a level of rudeness even he wasn't allowed.
"Yeah," he muttered, sitting next to Luna. "Hey."
The first hour was absurdly long. No one really wanted to talk with Blaise there. Not that he could really blame them. He didn't want to talk with them there. It was Lune who broke the silence, turning to him out of the blue and asking him an obscure question about the magazine she'd been reading as if she hadn't noticed the tension. Except he knew she was too sensitive to not have noticed.
Weasley was quick to join in the conversation, nudging Thomas when he kept staring out the window. And yeah, ok, she really wasn't that bad. Quick witted, funny, smart. He could see what Luna saw in her. But he could also see plain as Weasley's hand wrapped around Thomas' that they were together. And wasn't the oblivious Gryffindor a bitch.
The rest of the ride wasn't so bad. Surprisingly it was Longbottom who took the longest to warm up, though Blaise had the feeling it was because he was actually shy and not because he thought Blaise was evil. The Gryffindors on a whole weren't that bad. Not that he wouldn't have preferred to bother Draco, or even Harry—who just because they'd exchanged a few letters over the summer didn't make them friends.
When they got off the train, the horn blowing for the final time over their heads, Draco was waiting for them. He looked the same as he had the last time Blaise had seen him. The same and different. Same silver-grey eyes, blonde hair, sharp features, except he looked older now. More mature.
"Hello," he said when Blaise walked up to him. Luna and her Gryffindors had already disappeared into the crowd behind him, shuffling off toward a carriage so they could get to the feast. It wasn't as if they'd be able to sit together at the feast anyway.
"Where's your paramour?" Blaise asked. Immediately Draco's face darkened. He turned away, moving in the direction of the carriages, and Blaise had no choice but to follow.
"How would I know where Harry is?"
"When do you ever not know where he is?" Blaise answered, and Draco just looked uncomfortable. Which set all the wrong bells ringing. "What did Potter do?"
"What?" Draco hesitated, almost half in front of a carriage, and the Ravenclaw behind him made a huffing sound. Draco glared back before stepping up and in. Blaise followed him up, promptly shutting the door in the Ravenclaw's face.
"You're upset about something," Blaise told him. "So, what did Potter do?"
"He didn't do anything," Draco sighed. "Harry's not… it's not his fault."
"Well, something's wrong."
"Look," Draco answered, his voice terse, annoyed. Eyes shining in that way that used to cow Blaise, used to make him afraid Draco would never talk to him again. Now, he realized suddenly he was just annoyed. "I know it's not your strong suit, but just drop it."
"Alright," he said, raising his eyebrow. Draco just sighed again.
When they arrived in the Great Hall, it was festive, nicely decorated, and Blaise could tell almost right away that Severus had been the one to decorate this year and not Dumbledore. There was an over the top way to how Dumbledore did feasts, from food to decorations. Severus was different. It was homey in the Great Hall, welcoming instead of grandeur.
Draco's entire body shifted as soon as they walked through the doors. Tense and relieved at the same time. It only took a second to realize what he was looking at. Harry was already sitting at the Gryffindor table, his robes crumpled around his shoulders, a single leaf in his hair. He looked over as soon as the doors banged open, his glasses reflected back the candlelight, and Draco looked away just as quick.
Blaise could already feel the dejavu of last year in his bones. How the two of them had fought and fought and fought but apparently been pining the whole time. It made him want to throw up in his mouth. Honestly.
Except this felt different. Scalding. Draco walking across the room with his head bowed as Harry didn't even bother to hide his stare. Blaise didn't know what to do with the way they were acting, and he had the distinct, feeling they didn't either.
Lucius couldn't help but notice how confident Adarins was as he stood at the front of the staff room, smiling and joking with Sprout. He didn't just stride, he swaggered. Lucius didn't know what the man thought he had up his sleeve, but he must have thought it was convincing.
Severus had disappeared after the feast had ended, probably retreating to his room to do paperwork. Adarins had been quick to swoop in afterward, inviting the professors into the staff room for their own party. And Lucius didn't understand why so many had accepted. Why even McGonagall had shrugged as if she couldn't see through the man's smirk. But Adarins had just turned toward him with a triumphant smile that Lucius didn't understand, and Lucius was following him before he knew what he was doing either.
"I mean," Adarins was saying. "It's not as if Snape knows what he's doing anyway."
"What?" Lucius answered, and Adarins smiled at him as if he'd just agreed.
"No offense or anything, Malfoy. I mean, I know you're sleeping with the man-."
"Engaged," Lucius corrected, his teeth gridded, eyes narrowed.
"Really?" Flitwick asked. "Congratulations."
"Yes, yes," Adarins answered, waving his hand vaguely. That annoying smile still in place. "Congratulation. I mean, aside from the fact that it's just a tad unprofessional to get married to your subordinate. But still, best wishes."
"Professor Adarins," McGonagall frowned at him, her spectacles low on her nose. "It's not as if there's any rule-."
"It's true there's no rule against it, McGonagall," he answered, smiling widely at her. "But isn't it also true that some rules don't need to be said. I mean, common sense. If this was the ministry, we would never stand for such a thing."
"This isn't the ministry," Lucius told him.
"So, our children are worth less care than the criminals and laws the ministry deals with?" Adarins asked, staring at Lucius; the picture of shocked glee.
He realized belatedly that he'd stepped right into Adarins' trap. That he would have to be more careful. Lucius was out of practice in dealing in politics—more so than he realized. But he wasn't about to lose this fight.
"I'm saying that our children are worth being flexible for," Lucius answered, purposely making his voice smooth. Adarins smiled at him, but Lucius could see the way he tightened his jaw, the way he refused to take the bait. Luckily, he didn't have to.
"What do you mean?" Flitwick asked. "Flexible?"
"Well, if you go about teaching and raising children in the same environment and with the same rules as criminals and with the same inflexibility as laws, you invite them to have the same qualities."
"So," McGonagall asked, her lips pressed together, expression stern, eyes gleaming. "You're saying if we raise our children the way the ministry wants us to raise them, they'll grow up to be inflexible and barbaric."
"That's exactly what I'm saying," Lucius answered, his smile thin and sweet and directed right at Adarins. "After all, how can we expect them to learn if we don't give them enough room to."
"It makes sense to me," Sprout said, and Flitwick was already nodding.
"I see your point," Adarins bowed to Lucius stiffly, his lips still curved in a rigid smile. "Still you must admit that Snape does not know what he's doing. Just last year, he almost got the school destroyed, he let a werewolf attend as a student, and he's just now proclaimed that he was never a Death Eater. What are we to believe?"
"I, for one, trusted Dumbledore," McGonagall said, her lips a thin line of annoyance now. "And Dumbledore always trusted Snape." She must have been done with the conversation then, because she was already walking away, Adarins staring after her as if he could somehow undo the damage her words had caused. But he was in a room full of people who had been loyal to Dumbledore, and no two words he was going to rub together was going to change that.
"She's right Professor Adarins," Flitwick muttered. "I admit I might not love the man, but I rather respect him, and I can't find any real fault with how he's been running things."
"I agree there," Sprout said. "You know, he almost died protecting a student in the Black Lake last year. Saw it with my own eyes."
"Right, of course," Adarins muttered, his voice low and cold, and his smile finally gone as he turned away.
"You're having nightmares again," Severus said. He didn't know why he bothered; it wasn't as if Harry ever answered. Which was exactly why Severus wanted to him to go to a mind healer. To talk to someone. Except that Harry was more stubborn than was good for him.
"Am I?" Harry answered.
"I thought those had stopped," he said, ignoring him. They were sitting in front of the fire in Severus' room, the feast having ended a little over an hour ago. He wasn't sure where Lucius was. Wasn't sure he wanted to know.
"They never stop," Harry muttered, and it's the way he said it that has Severus turning to toward him, not having any idea what to do but knowing he can't just ignore it.
"Harry-."
"What's going on with you and Lucius?" Harry asked, changing the subject as he turned toward him. And Severus knows he shouldn't. He shouldn't let Harry redirect the conversation, but he had never been able to get Harry to talk about things when he didn't want to. He doubted he was about to start.
"Why must something be going on?" he asked, and Harry just rolled his eyes. Severus really should discourage this. He knew Lucius always went complaining about their problems to Harry too, and he was beginning to think Harry knew more about his love life than he did. "There's nothing wrong; there's just something not right."
"You should just tell him if you don't want to get married."
"Yes, very helpful," Severus answered.
"Also, who was that new Defense Professor. Adirons or whatever?"
"I'm not sure," Severus sighed, staring back into the fire. He hated the man; he hated the way he'd marched into his office and just told him that he'd be taking the job. He especially hated how he couldn't say no because he was from the ministry. "I know he's from the ministry. And I know he's trouble."
"Another class to skip then," Harry muttered.
"Potter, you can't just go around skipping classes-."
"They never say anything new-."
"It's your seventh year. They just might," Severus interrupted, his voice biting, and he didn't miss the way Harry's face turned away from him. The recoil.
"I should go," Harry said, stiff, tense. It was the voice of the scared, unsure, twelve-year-old little boy, who had no idea what to do with Severus, no idea how much he could ask. The voice Severus hadn't heard in so long. It was physically painful for him to hear again, for him to realize how much he'd hurt Harry by suggesting the mind healer, even if it needed to be done.
"You can stay here," he answered. It hadn't used to be a question. Even last year, Harry had used to stay in his room almost nightly. He knew Harry didn't like to sleep alone, and he should have known that with Draco acting distant—whatever was wrong with him, and honestly when had his life become juggling two teenage boys—Harry was bound to start having trouble sleeping.
"I…" Harry raised his head, his eyes hard and uncertain and hopeful as he stared back. "I'd like that."
It wasn't strange for Harry to sleep in his room. Even if Lucius came in at some point, Severus figured he wouldn't be surprised. It wasn't until Harry slipped under the sheets next to him, his body thin and trembling that Severus realized just how long it had been since he'd had to comfort Harry.
It worried him how far Harry had stepped back just because of Draco. He knew Harry loved Draco. He knew they were mated. But he also knew it just wasn't healthy to be so dependent on someone else. Harry needed to learn how to love himself instead of relying on someone else to do it for him.
"I think you're right," Harry said suddenly, his voice quiet and sudden in the dark.
"About?" he answered.
"I think I should talk to someone."
Thanks so much for your reviews and favorites!
Also, Luna and Blaise's relationship is entirely up to you. Let me know if you want them together or just as friends. If you want Ginny and Luna together or no. If you have another person in mind for Blaise. Their fate is in your hands! :)