Chapter 20

Persephone

After I awoke, I took the day to think and consider things. I was forced to admit that my feelings for Hades...well, they were at least more complicated than I had given them credit to be.

I finally began to believe that Hades had been telling me the truth; he couldn't let me leave the Underworld. Perhaps he knew of some way that it would be possible, but he couldn't do it alone. So, did I just give up, then? I couldn't accept the thought that I would never see the sun again.

I needed to make a bargain. My freedom for...what? What did I have that I could possibly give Hades?

My time. My attention.

My love.

No, I couldn't give him that. There was a lot that Hades had to make up for before I could ever love him.

Aspasia came into my room while I was in the middle of considering what I could "bargain."

"Good afternoon, my lady," Aspasia curtsied. She was always so formal, but she was the closest thing I had to a friend in this place.

"Aspasia, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"What would it take for Hades to let me go?"

Aspasia raised an eyebrow at me. "Did you not learn your lesson with the Furies last time?"

"I know, but-" I felt suffocating desperation rise in me. "To be stuck down in this world of night forever! I can't do it. I can't!" The walls suddenly seemed to be closing in around me. I couldn't breathe. "It's not fair!"

"Fair?" The word was soft but incredulous. "Of course it's not fair. Fate has never been fair. To anyone. You, however, are luckier than most. If fate were fair, you would find yourself in more misery than you've ever experienced."

I was shocked to hear such a hard tone from Aspasia. "Are you telling me that I somehow deserve misery?"

"I'm not saying you deserve it; I'm saying that it would have found you without Hades. Fate was not being fair when it brought him into your life, but the unfairness was in your favor."

"My favor?" It was my turn to be incredulous. "I don't see how in the world that could be the case!"

"That," remarked Aspasia drily, "is obvious."

"Well, then. Please enlighten me!"

"I don't say that Hades hasn't made a mess of this whole affair. The poor man shouldn't have reacted so strongly when you told him you were marrying Apollo. That was his first of many mistakes. But, Persephone, you are one of the few lucky individuals who has found the soul that complements your own perfectly and would sacrifice anything for you. Do you really want to throw that away?"

"You just want me to love him because he is your master," I accused her.

I can't quite begin to describe the look on Aspasia's face when I said this. It was something between surprise, skepticism, amusement, and disbelief. I had no idea what it could mean, but what did I care? She was only a servant.

"My lady, I am not speaking my feelings, I am speaking what Hades has not brought himself to tell you. You owe Hades more than you can imagine."

"Really?" I asked, growing angry. "Oh yes, I suppose you're right. I do owe Hades for taking my life away. I suppose that means that I should give him my life freely in gratitude!"

"Hades- Oh, it doesn't matter! You two have been blind to the other person this whole time, and I don't think I could say anything to change that."

"That isn't my fault. I don't want to be here," I said sulkily. I knew I sounded childish, but I was too upset to care.

"Persephone," Aspasia said in a more kindly tone, "You can't change him, and you can't change your situation. The only thing you can change is you. I think you'll find that if you try to change what you have control over and stop pushing against a wall that's not coming down, you will indirectly influence things around you. They may eventually be more like how you want them."

I didn't want to listen to any more of a lecture, so I said, "Alright. Thank you. I will bear that in mind," in a curt tone that did not indicate thankfulness in the least.

Aspasia nodded and left with her usual grace, giving no sign of disappointment or irritation in return. This made me even more annoyed than before. But, at the same time, I couldn't help but think about what she had said.

Try to change what I had control over? Why should I be the one to change? I didn't ask for any of this. And yet, I had already changed. Wasn't that the very essence of life? Only those that were dead did not change. I would be changed whether or not I wanted to. If I was going to change, I supposed it would be better to control how it happened than to wake up one morning and find that I had become someone I wished I hadn't.

But the question still remained: why should I be the one to change myself?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that Aspasia was wrong. I could change this place, and I was going to. Starting with the area I could do the most in: the gardens.

As I stepped out to the once cultivated grounds, I felt genuinely lighter. I knew how to use my talents to help this small plot of land flourish. I wasn't going to let the idea of Hades stop me from doing what I enjoyed.

I walked around the garden, examining every inch and planning out my project. When I got to the pomegranate tree, I almost had a heart attack.

There on the ground lay a person.

"Hades!" I gasped, startled, putting my hand to my heart. "You almost frightened me to death."

He looked up at me and I noticed, with no small embarrassment, his complete lack of clothing. More than a little puzzled, I also could tell before I averted my eyes that he was injured somehow. I couldn't just leave him there.

"Stay right here," I murmured, looking away. "I'll get you something to wear."

I ran inside and then stopped abruptly. I didn't know where Hades's room was, and I couldn't have him wear one of my dresses. That would just look ridiculous. I snorted as I pictured it.

An undead servant turned a corner and headed towards me. Breathing out a sigh of relief, I called out to him.

"Excuse me!" I said, making the poor servant jump out of his skin in surprise. "Where is Lord Hades' bedchamber?"

The servant beckoned me to follow and then led me to an unobtrusive door that I had never noticed before close to my chambers. He pointed to it, and scurried away. I opened the door and found myself in a room not unlike my own. It was large and roomy, with tapestries lining the walls and, I was thankful to see, a wardrobe against the wall.

I threw open the doors of the wardrobe and found a black robe. It would have to do. I rushed back outside to find Hades where I had left him. I tossed the bundle of robe at him, my head kept turned away as he put them on. It was a slow process, as I could tell by the sounds, but he finally managed to get decent.

I turned and took a good look at him and noticed that his hair was uneven and shorter than it was before. Most of his skin had an odd texture, like melted glass or-or a burn, I realized. I bent down next to him and saw that he had a long, deep cut across his cheek that was starting to bruise. What had happened to him?

"You should probably get that washed out. It might get infected," I remarked.

He didn't respond, so I forced myself to take him by the arm and lead him to the well that stood in the middle of the garden. He stood like a rock while I wetted a handkerchief and washed the dried and fresh ichor from his wound.

"How did this happen anyway?" I asked. "I've never seen a wounded god before."

Hades looked down at me and seemed to notice me for the first time. He stared at me; I saw a wild look I had never seen within his eyes before. I felt a spike of panic at the animal mein. His hand snapped forward and grabbed my arm in an unyielding grip, making me cry out in alarm. That, of all things, seemed to calm him somewhat.

"Is it over?" He asked in a low, intense voice.

I didn't know what he was talking about, so I just nodded jerkily. Hades crumpled to his knees in front of me.

"Oh, thank Eos," he choked out again and again, clutching his head in his hands.

I stood where I was for a long while, hatred and charity warring within me. Compassion eventually got the better of me. I knelt down beside him. I wrapped my arms around his head and shoulders and cradled him against my chest.

What was I doing? This was the man who was ruining my life. Why-why help him? I couldn't answer that question, but neither could I move.

It didn't take him too long to recover some of his composure. Once he did, he got to his feet, helped me up, and quietly excused himself to go get some rest. I stared after hime with a wrinkled forehead.

What was that?

I don't think I had ever seen Hades that terrified. In fact, before this moment, I couldn't have even imagined Hades afraid of anything. What was so awful that it made an immortal god tremble with fear?

And what in the world had happened to his clothes?

I stood for a while, trying to remember what I had been doing beforehand. Oh, yes. The garden. I turned back to it and did my best to put my entire attention on it.