Chapter 25

Hades

My first memory was of darkness. I was still a child then, barely more than a baby. The darkness surrounded me, invaded me. I didn't realize what darkness was for many years, because I had never seen light. Not knowing darkness, I didn't know to fear the darkness itself. But I did fear the sounds that came from the far distance. Screams of terror, of pain. I knew nothing of either terror or pain, but I knew the unsettling feeling that came from hearing them.

My next memory after the darkness was of a small hand brushing against me. That feeling was - for a moment - more terrifying than the screams I heard. I quickly learned not to fear the little hand, nor the little girl attached to it.

This was my first time meeting Hestia.

If I had known anything about light, I would have considered her my sun. The two of us understood almost nothing, but we felt an immediate bond. Hestia had taken my hand in hers and led me to where she had been living.

Hestia was clever. With no one to teach her anything, she learned how to use her god-powers to make a home. Well, perhaps others wouldn't have called it a home, but it was one to us. Hestia taught me what little she knew. That became my whole world for a number of years that I couldn't count.

When I grew a little more, Hestia and I began to stray further from the home we had made in Tartarus. Not too far, of course, but a bit further. That is how, when I went out one day, that I came upon another small child. I took my new sibling back to Hestia.

By this point, Hestia had gone from a young girl to a young woman. I don't know how she did it, but she taught herself to speak and to make fire. She taught me both, of course. She gave me the idea of hunting, and I learned how to hunt the few animals. It was easy; I didn't even need weapons. I could kill any animal with a single touch. Somehow, Hestia knew how to cook the animals and to turn their skins into clothing for the two of us.

The new sister that joined us, Demeter, brought her god-powers of life with her. Under Hestia's tutelage, Demeter learned how to grow plants for food and for better clothing. I don't know how Hestia learned of plants. It seemed she instinctively knew those things that would help her small family.

After we found Demeter, we regularly searched our little area for any more abandoned godlings. I discovered Poseidon, but it was Hestia who found Hera. We added these siblings to our family. There were times when I felt jealous of the attention Hestia gave the others. I sometimes wished for the time when it was just the two of us again. But Hestia was so happy helping the three newcomers. Even I found times that I was content.

It had to come to an end, as all good things in my life did.

I remember when Zeus came striding into Tartarus. He glowed with a golden light and stood so tall and strong. None of us had ever seen anything like him. The others held him in awe and loved him immediately, I think. I was grateful to him for freeing us, but I never could love him. Even my gratitude grew cold over time.

But for now, we all fought together. Hestia had prepared us for a war against the Titans without realizing it. Thanks to her, we all knew what our god-powers were and how to use them. The Titans put up a good fight, but we had one advantage over them: me.

I discovered during our first battle that my power to kill extended even to the immortals. The Titans and their minions learned to fear me. They fled from me when I showed up to a battle. Kronos had a more and more difficult time rallying his followers to fight against. It was only a matter of time before we surrounded him and caught him.

The old Titan was more animal at this point. I heard from others later that Kronos had been a good and wise king once. He had even ruled over a golden age that we gods could never hope to rival. That had changed when Rhea first became pregnant. Kronos became obsessed with the idea that one of his children would overthrow him the way he overthrew his own father. That is why he cast us into Tartarus the moment we were born. Each time a new child was born, my father descended deeper into his madness. He finally snapped completely when he saw us attack his stronghold, Zeus at our head.

I wanted Kronos to fear me. I wanted him to feel the fear that I had felt alone in the dark for so long. I didn't realize that I was making the brothers and sisters that had once been my family fear me too.

If I had known what their fear would have done to me, I would have held back. I should have held back anyway. The bloodlust I felt on the battlefield elated me even as it brutalized me. Perhaps it should have come as no surprise when my siblings had stared at me as if they didn't know me after our last battle. I didn't know myself anymore.

Their fear was my undoing. Who would let a monster stay among them? Kronos's throne - the birthright that should have been mine - was taken from me. Taken and given to Zeus. But I wasn't allowed to even enjoy quiet exile, like Rhea. I was again consigned to the fate I had once endured.

With the lie that I was to guard our Titan prisoners, I became a prisoner myself.

Darkness became my oldest and most constant companion over the years. Loneliness followed me everywhere. It was a deeper loneliness than it was before, because I knew what it was to feel love and belonging. I quickly despaired that such a thing would ever be mine again. Until I saw the girl with the golden hair and black eyes.

Now, I feared that I was destined for another existence of darkness and loneliness. Could Fate be so cruel to me a third time? First, it had deprived me of the care of a mother. Then, it had removed me from the comfort I found from a sister. Now, it would steal away the hope of love from a wife. I could rage against Fate all I wanted, but my heart whispered that it would always win out in the end.

It scared me how close I felt to giving up.