Chapter 11: While You Sleep
"The tea should be ready in a few minutes."
"Thank you."
Yatsuhiro took his seat in a large chair opposite the sofa Maria sat on. "I've never seen her like this. I have no idea what I should do."
"The most important thing is to give her some stability. Schedules, a daily routine. As less change as possible. She needs a place she can relax at."
"Do you know what's wrong with her?"
"I have some suspicions. It looks like schizophrenia, maybe paired with another schizoaffective disorder. But without some tests I can not give a proper diagnosis."
Dejected, he rested his face in his hands. "My poor little girl…"
"How was Tsubasa as a child, if I might ask?"
"Alone. She was a silent child. Never spoke much, never did much. She never played with other kids." A sad smile creeped on his lips. "She loved to draw and sing. I remember one day, when she was in Kindergarten, how she happily walked up to me and showed me the picture she drew. It showed her, her mother and me holding hands on a field. I put it on our fridge."
"Did she ever try to make friends?"
"Oh, yes. A few times, actually. But it never really went anywhere. There was this one girl she really liked. Wanted to play with her. But for some reason the girl did not want to. I came to pick her up one day, and I saw all the other kids playing with each other. Yelling, laughing. And my daughter? She was in a corner, all by herself, dragging a little toy car over the ground. I stood there and watched, observed her. How she sometimes looked over to the other kids, wanting so badly to go over and play with them, but she never did." His voice broke multiple times during his recollection.
Maria handed him a handkerchief. "I am sorry."
"And then, her mother died. She was killed by a drunk driver on her way to work. I was devastated. And… and I guess I lost myself in my mourning. I forgot that I wasn't the only one hurt. Tsubasa was hurt too, maybe even more than me. I lost my wife. She lost her mother, and for a long while her father too."
"Have you ever been to other psychiatrists?"
"I have. They gave her some toys and asked her some questions, but all that ever came out of it was that she was highly intelligent, and those children often have it more difficult than others."
Maria knew the doctors did their best. Well, she hoped. Children are hard to diagnose, after all. Carefully calculated, she spoke: "I disagree with what they said. Tsubasa is definitely a smart girl, but her intellect had nothing to do with it. I talked to numerous teachers at her school, and all described her as you said: Silent and alone. I talked to her myself, and she told me she was used to having no friends. However, at the same time, I could tell that she was not happy. The first thing that came to my mind were Asperger or another form of autism, but she is lacking additional symptoms. In our conversation, she sounded interested, and her verbal as well as her nonverbal communication was not irregular."
"So, you think it's the mental illness that prevented her to be like the others?"
Maria nodded. "Yes, that is my hypothesis. Tomorrow I want to talk to her a bit more, if that's okay with you."
"Please do. I hope you can help her." With teary eyes he checked the time on his wrist watch. "How long do you figure she'd be asleep?"
"Well, I gave her a sedative and some perphenazine, she will sleep the rest of the night."
"Hopefully she'll feel better tomorrow. Thank you again for doing this."
After Tsubasa's collapse, Maria drove over to her office and took some medication with her. Giving Tusbasa the pills was a struggle. She laid on her bed in the fetal position, shaking and mumbling. Every muscle in her body was tense, and the slightest touch sent her into a fit. When Maria finally got her to swallow the medication, it took no more than ten minutes for the sedative to take effect and the young girl fell into a deep sleep.
The kettle whistling from the kitchen pulled Maria out of the memory. She was about to ask if she could help, but Yatsuhiro was already on his way. The clinking of cups reached her ears as her host prepared the tea with practiced movements.
"Here you go."
Carefully, as not to burn herself, Maria took the steaming cup from him and took a tiny sip. "Thank you. If I had to name the one thing I love the most about Japan, it would be your tea."
"Oh, yes, you aren't native to Japan, are you?"
She threw him a crooked smile. "I am pretty sure it's obvious, isn't it? But yes, I am from Europe."
"Sure, I just did not want to assume, you know? Your Japanese is really good."
"Thank you. I studied Japanese in school, and been abroad through an exchange program." She took another careful sip of her tea.
"Interesting. I've been to America a few times for business, but I've never been to Europe." A sigh escaped him. "I always wanted to take Tsubasa abroad someday, for holiday."
"You still can. If her medication works she'll be without problems."
"You're right," he whispered, leaning back in his chair. "I should hope for the best, after all."
The soft ticking of the clock on the shelves was the only sound for a few seconds. The night filled the room more and more, and with it came a feeling of uneasiness and uncertainty.
"Kanade…" he muttered. "I still can't believe it."
"It sounds like there is a significance to the name."
His voice was heavy with melancholy, as he reminisced: "When she was a little child, around two to three years old, her mother read her bedtime stories. Her favorite story was the one of a young girl going out into the world to share her music with the people she met along the way. Tsubasa would ask her mother to read her the story again and again, often multiple times on the same evening. The girl in the book was named Kanade."
"That's interesting. So, she projected a character she associates with positive feelings and memories into a hallucination. That would explain how she accepted her so quickly."
"What should I do if her hallucination returns?"
Maria noticed how uneasy he was as he asked the question. "The most important thing is not to interact with it in any form. If she tells you where Kanade stands, for example, do not look at the spot. She needs to understand that the woman only exists in her head. If you would look at Kanade, or where you assume she would be, the real world interacts with her hallucinations, and that could cause stress to her."
"I guess that makes sense," came his careful reply. "I guess I'll take her out of school too for a while. With her medication and everything, I'd like to keep an eye on her, honestly."
"That's fine. But not for too long. Remember, she needs routine." She took another big gulp of her tea, placed the cup back on the table and checked her cellphone. "I guess it's time I go. I'll be back tomorrow."
"Of course." He guided her to the front door. "Oh, and sorry I had to call you so late on your free day."
"Don't be. It was good that you called me when you did. The faster we help her, the better."
The lock of the door opening boomed like a cannon shot through the house. He flinched a bit. "I am just glad she had your number."
"I gave it to her for a reason, after all. I wanted to make sure that if something happened, you know how to contact me. Although I expected Tsubasa to call me herself."
"Why that," he asked, his greying eyebrows wandering up in surprise.
"Well…" She pondered her words a bit. "I got the feeling she was quite fond of me."
And then it hit him. What she told him a few days back. "Oh, that explains why she came out to me when she did."
This time it was Maria's turn to be surprised. "She did, huh? That's good. That's one load fewer on her mind. How did you react? Just so I can assess the situation."
"I told her I loved her and that would never change."
Maria stepped out of the house. "You are a great father, you know that?"
"I just do what I think is the right thing for her. She is my daughter, I only want the best for her."
Maria looked back at him with a smile. "I think Tsubasa will do just fine with you around. Thanks for the tea."
"No," Yatsuhiro replied. "Thank you, doctor."