Chapter 26

Persephone

Even without using my god-powers, it didn't take long to complete my project. I was actually surprised the day I realized that all the work was done. I would need to do upkeep , of course, but it was no longer a mess of weeds. I took a step back and admired it.

The garden was almost as beautiful as my home had been. All that was missing was the sun and a fresh breeze and-no, I told myself sternly. Such thoughts only led to tears, and I didn't want to chance that Hades would see me. Even though we were on better terms than we had been, I felt uncomfortable showing that much emotion in front of him. Since I had fainted, I had caught a few glimpses of him, but he had kept his distance.

As I inspected the garden, Hades walked up behind me. His footsteps were tentative as he approached. He didn't say anything. He just...watched. I could sense him there, but I continued to admire my creation.

It was time to confront Hades. I wasn't as bitter about what he had done, but I needed to have an honest talk with him about the future.

I squared my shoulders and turned towards Hades, the beginning of my speech on my lips. I stopped, my mouth still half open, when I noticed the tears in his eyes. All of my strong words flew from my mind, leaving me speechless. I shut my mouth with a snap.

I remembered what Aspasia had said several days ago about Hades being betrayed down here and felt a rush of sympathy. If that were true, he must have suffered a lot of pain. I couldn't imagine having to live here day after day, year after year, millennia after millennia.

"I'm sorry," Hades said, laughing slightly through his tears. "It just reminds me of my mother."

That took me by complete surprise. Of all the things I thought Hades might say, this wasn't one of them. I didn't know how to reply. I spoke almost at random.

"I was also thinking about my mother. Strawberries are her favorite," It was the first thing that came to my head. I winced slightly at the lie. I actually had no idea what Mother's favorite food was. I hoped that Hades knew nothing about his sister.

There was a long pause. Hades seemed hesitant to speak, to break the silence. "Tell me about her," he said finally.

"Surely you know a lot about her. She is your sister, after all," I said cautiously.

"It's been a very long time since she and I knew each other," Hades observed ruefully. "Besides, I want to hear about her from your point of view."

I had relaxed at the confirmation that my lie wouldn't be discovered, but tensed up again at the thought of having to tell about my childhood. This was not a discussion I wanted to have right now. I wanted to discuss the future, not dwell in the past. Thrown off, I collected my thoughts. The truth would be easiest to tell at short notice, unfortunately. I kept my voice as void of emotion as I possibly could as I told my narrative.

"I grew up in the forest, raised by Nymphs. I didn't see Zeus much. He's my father, you know. Mother says that he rarely bothers to help raise his children."

I went quiet for a moment, but a slight cough from Hades brought me back to the present.

"Anyway, I saw my mother often, but she was also busy with her duties as a goddess. She made sure that I was taught everything a woman should know: dancing, singing, the running of a household, being a good wife. It was a pleasant life, perhaps a bit dull, but pleasant. I had a - well, a rather awful temper growing up. My mother and I would get into many arguments. It just got worse as I got older. She always won, of course. Actually, that day when you…"

I stopped awkwardly and then continued, deliberately not looking at Hades as I rushed over my words, "That day when we...talked, I had been, ah, arguing with my mother. I wanted to-," I blushed as deep as a red rose. The subject of that argument was the very last thing I wanted to discuss with Hades.

"Well, it doesn't matter what I wanted. The point is, she didn't approve. She never did. I always knew that it would be easier to be what she wanted me to be than to defy her, and so I did," I finished lamely.

I realized that I had, in fact, wanted to talk to someone about this. It felt...good to finally explain this.

Hades listened to me, actually listened. He listened to me as he did when he first met me. No one had ever done that for me. Mother was always confident that her opinion was right, and it didn't matter what I wanted.

I felt content here, talking to Hades. For once, I didn't push the feeling away. I suddenly realized, for perhaps the first time, that Hades was my husband.

I shook my head, coming out of my thoughts. "But what about your mother? You must miss her."

There was a long silence. I was afraid that I had brought up a tender subject, then remembered that it was he who had brought it up anyway.

"I hated her," he said simply.

I turned towards him, confused. Hades hadn't said it in anger or hurt, but more as if it were a simple statement of fact.

"She didn't care about me," he explained. He tried and failed to make his voice indifferent. "I was her firstborn son, and she allowed me to be thrown in Tartarus. She could have saved me. She could have saved all of us, but she saved Zeus."

He put his hands in his pockets and gave a bitter laugh, kicking at the stones with the toe of his boot. "He's always been everyone's favorite. I guess that's why he's king and I'm stuck down here. Though why they chose that pompous idiot is beyond me."

"He's not that bad," I found myself saying.

Hades looked at me in unmasked disbelief.

I had no idea why I was saying it, but I didn't recant. Instead, I rushed to clarify, to myself as well as Hades.

"I mean, of course he can be a bit distant and have a short temper. But he's always been a kind father to me, and he's a fair, if not good, ruler. You shouldn't judge him so harshly." I couldn't keep a note of accusation out of my voice in the last sentence, which caused Hades's eyes to widen in anger.

He opened and closed his mouth, trying to find something to say. Finally, he sputtered out, "I shouldn't judge him! He-!"

Hades looked away and took a deep breath. "If I am judging him harshly, I have every right to. You don't know what he's done to me. He-he turned everyone against me!"

I remembered my nurse telling me the story of Hades's banishment and Zeus's ascension to the throne. Suddenly, something clicked in my mind.

"I understand now," I breathed in a moment of inspiration. Hades looked over at me, slightly irritated, but mostly questioning. "You're just jealous! Jealous that everyone liked Zeus better than you. That's why you're down here. Not because there was some betrayal, but because everyone wanted him for King instead of you! You were so angry over it, that you banished yourself to the Underworld, then acted like it was all his fault. Here I was, starting to feel sorry for you, and it was your own fault the whole time!"

I knew it wasn't true, even as I said the words. There were just so many emotions running through me, and I was flustered and confused.

All the overwrought emotion was gone from Hades's voice when he answered me, leaving it cold and impersonal. "What do you know about it? You, who has hardly lived more than half a millenia, who has never been further away than a few leagues from your home, who has never even spoken to more than a handful of people in your life? What do you know of the past? What do you know of betrayal? You can't truly begin to understand it until you have felt love. Who have you loved, Persephone? Your mother? I don't think so, not after the way she's treated you."

I tried to interrupt him, to defy his words, but he said harshly, "No! You've said what you wanted and now I will."

The terrible fire in his eyes burned the words from my lips. I listened, mutely, to his accusations.

He continued, "You've loved no servant, I'm sure. You think too well of yourself for that, like your mother does. And you've never loved me, that's for certain. You think I'm heartless and cruel. If I am without a heart, it's because I've given it to too many people who have betrayed it. If I am cruel, it is because Fate has been so to me. So, don't show your ignorance with hasty words," he finished with a derisive sneer.

I clenched my teeth and balled my hands into fists. "How can you say I don't love my mother? How dare you! Of course I love her."

"Could you truly say that you miss her? I don't mean the world above, or Spring, or your home, or anything that you knew before. I mean your mother, for her own sake. Would you live with her down here without any of those, or would you leave her behind to have back what you've missed?"

"That's not a fair question-" I faltered.

"It's simple enough. What would you choose?"

His question brought up a dreadful dilemma in my mind. Which one would I choose?

But I knew, deep down what the answer was. I couldn't hide it from myself and Hades could see it.

"That's what I thought."

He turned and left, leaving me feeling angry and embarrassed and empty.

Could he be right? Had I really never loved anyone in my life? I considered the way I viewed my mother; she was who I depended on for everything. And yet..she was like a jailor to me, hiding me from the world and keeping me constantly in a state of forced ignorance.

Oh gods, I thought in despair, sinking to the ground and covering my face with my hands. Am I truly incapable of love?

I could feel something though, in my heart. It was hot and red and I could feel it pounding in my veins.

It wasn't love that I felt in that moment, for certain. No, it was hatred. Hatred towards Hades for doing this to me. Hatred for making me confront the emptiness of my life in such a harsh way. Perhaps I didn't have love and perhaps I hadn't been happy before, but at least I had my woods and my music. What did I have now, but a sham of a marriage and a handful of scraggly plants?

I jumped to my feet, feeling the rage grow almost uncontrollable inside of me.

"What are you to me?" I screamed at the small, pathetic garden. I grabbed at the first plants within my reach - the bluebells - and tore them from the ground and stamped on them.

"What have you ever done for me?" Down came the fragile honeysuckles.

"I work and I work, and nothing ever comes of it!"

The roses were next and the thorns stabbed into my palms. I welcomed the sharp pain. The strawberries, snowdrops, violets, and lavender followed their fellows. The lilac bush and pomegranate tree were too strong to tear down like I wanted, but I kicked the bench over and knocked as many of the stones from the wall as would come loose.

After about five minutes of this wanton destruction, my breathing slowed. My hatred turned to despair as quickly as it had flared up, leaving nothing but pain where the burning fire had been.

My strength dropped alarmingly as I noticed that the plants were withering already. I must have used my god power without realizing it. I once more fell to the ground. I wanted to simply give in at that moment to the darkness calling me.

No. I would not give up. Not while I had some strength left.

I forced myself to my feet. I wanted to drag myself to my bed, but I fainted instead.