Chapter 12: Serenity Now
Her headache had weakened overnight. It still hurt, but at least she was able to form some coherent thoughts. Her mouth was dry as the desert, and her stomach rebelled against the large amount of nothing wreaking havoc inside. She remembered the soup her father made. She never finished it.
But as soon as her naked feet hit the thin carpet, she knew where it went. The spot where she dropped the bowl was still moist. She remembered why she dropped it. She did not want to.
Involuntarily, her eyes wandered across her room. It was silent, dark and empty where ever she looked. Her desk was empty and her chair was pushed under it. Nothing indicated that anyone sat on it yesterday.
Because no one did, she told herself.
She still could not believe it, even if she tried. Kanade wasn't real? But she was so lively, so funny. The things they talked about, the things they saw. All of this never happened?
"But it did," came a familiar but calm voice.
Tsubasa's eyes darted over to the corner next to the door.
Kanade was there. Leaning against the wall, arms crossed, she starred her down with a strangely piercing look. Tsubasa could have sworn the girl wasn't here a second ago.
"What are you doing here," the young girl carefully asked.
Her voice sounded strangely muffled, as she spoke: "Keeping an eye out for you. You never know if anyone else wants to do anything to you."
"What… what do you mean?"
"The pills that bitch gave you." Did her face just shift a bit?
"Maria gave them to help me. I am sick."
Kanade's laugh was humorless and condescending. "Yeah, that's what she told you. Don't you see? She knows you like her, and she uses this to manipulate you."
"No," Tsubasa shot back. "I don't believe you."
She shrugged her shoulders. Her body seemed to frazzle at the edges. "Fine by me. You'll see."
Tsubasa decided to ignore the girl and made her way to the kitchen to get breakfast. As she passed a window on her way, she noticed how high the sun stood already. How long was she asleep? And what about school? She could not miss a day again, not after what she did a few weeks back!
She almost stumbled into the kitchen where her father was having a phone call, because she wanted to move faster than her tired muscles allowed her to. She stepped up to the kitchen table, and with growing uneasiness, waited until her father ended the call.
"Again, I am sorry for what happened, and I can assure you, she is too. But now you understand what's going on," he spoke to the interlocutor. When he saw his daughter, he threw her a very happy and bright smile. "She is awake now. Do you mind if I call you later?" A short pause on his end. "Thank you. Talk to you later, father."
He ended the call and put the cordless phone on the table. "Hey, honey," he greeted her. "How do you feel?"
"Why didn't you wake me up? I need to go to school!"
He sighed. "I decided to take you out of school for a few days. Just so I can be sure you are okay."
She knew it already, she remembered yesterday, after all. But hearing it from him made her aware of the magnitude of the situation. She was sick. Her brain was sick. It was hard for her to make heads or tails of what happened the last couple weeks. Kanade looked so real with everything she did. She was happy. She had a friend!
No.
She never did.
If what Maria said was true, she never had a friend. Like always. She was alone all the time. A loser, an outcast, a freak. She was so starved for a friend, she made one up, for fuck's sake! How pathetic could she be?
"They want to keep us apart."
Tsubasa turned around to see Kanade standing right behind her. She almost jumped back in surprise, but stopped herself fast enough. It would have looked stupid. Kanade wasn't real, after all.
"Tsubasa?" her father asked. "What's wrong? Do you still see her?"
She honestly wasn't sure if she should answer honestly, but given her reaction, a lie had little ground to stand on. So, she nodded.
And Kanade sighed in exasperation.
"It's okay, honey," he gently spoke as he moved up to her. "Maria will be here soon. She wants to talk to you again."
The mention of that glorious name pulled her out of her thoughts. "She… she is coming over today?"
"You like her, right?" A little genuine smile crept on his face.
"Like?" Kanade laughed. "You want to throw her over every furniture in this house and fuck every hole she has, don't you?"
Tsubasa tried her hardest to ignore her. "I… yeah, I do. A lot." She didn't know who's question she answered at that point. Maybe both.
"That's good to hear. You never have to hide that here, you hear? You can be yourself in this house."
"Thanks, dad." She took a seat at the table. Her father quickly took a bowl out of a drawer and filled it with freshly cooked, steaming rice. "I guess I always had a hunch I was different. But when I looked at her for the first time it just made me face it."
He handed her the bowl. "You're not 'different', Tsubasa. You just like women. That makes you no different than millions of other women on this planet."
With a stuffed mouth she pondered his words. He was right. She wasn't different. Her tastes just lied elsewhere. She didn't like dick. Tough shit. She preferred the gentle beauty of the curves of a woman over hard, bulky muscles. Nothing to it.
"I was talking to your grandfather just now," he started, only to be suddenly interrupted by his daughter.
"I hate that guy."
His train of though derailed hard. "Tsubasa," he scolded. "You can't say that."
"Why not?" Her question sounded genuine.
"Because that's not a nice thing to say!"
"Oh, but calling you a disappointment and me worthless and a brat is?"
"No," he agreed. "It really isn't. But you know how he is. His worldview is… traditional."
"Ass backwards, more like it."
"Stop it, Tsubasa," he demanded.
"Why? You know I'm right!"
He sighed. "I know you don't mean it. It's the illness and the medication speaking."
"No," Tsubasa retorted coldly. "I always hated him."
The look he gave her was a mix between sorrow and helplessness. He knew he shouldn't take what she said at face value, but that didn't mean it did not hurt.
"Well, well, well, the kitty has claws," Kanade added from behind.
"Shut up."
"Excuse me?" her father blurted out in surprise.
But Tsubasa waved him off. "Not you."
"Oh," was the short response.
Kanade acted weird today. She sounded strange and looked kind of different than usual. Calmer, more collected. She kept her distance. Very unusual for her, as if she was a completely different person.
"When exactly is Maria coming over?"
Her father threw a quick look over to the clock on the cupboard. "She called earlier. She wanted to come over in about half an hour."
Tsubasa almost choked on her rice. "In thirty fucking minutes? I have to get ready."
"Tsubasa, please, mind your language," he demanded, but Tsubasa was already on her way to the showers. She didn't even finish her food.
On the way to the bath she threw her pajamas off. She quickly jumped into the shower cabin and turned both valves up. The first wave of water was cold as ice, causing her to gasp in shock. The heat hit her a few seconds after, running over her back like needles.
After the very hot shower she dashed through the house, towel draped around her, into her room to pick out the best outfits she had available.
"You go all out with her, huh?"
"I want to leave a positive expression, is that so wrong?" Tsubasa shot back to her friend.
"No. In fact it couldn't be more right. I support you one hundred percent."
"Really now?" she shot back. "Weren't you the one who called her a whore and whatnot?"
Kanade shrugged as she leaned against the door. "Because she is. But that doesn't mean I would deny you getting some pussy."
She said it so matter-of-factly, Tsubasa could do nothing but stare at her in disbelieve. "You're acting weird today."
"How so?"
"You are unusually…" she waved her hand in struggle to find the right word. "…calm. Normally you'd be all in my face about her."
"Really? You say that to me?" A short, pitiful chuckle. "You're the one acting weird. It's those pills."
"This shit again?" Tsubasa moaned. "She told me they help me. Why do you hate her so much?"
"I don't. I am just worried about you."
"Oh, really? And why would you?"
"Because I am your friend," she demanded, no, pleaded. "You can trust me! I only want the best for you!"
"Yeah, sure," Tsubasa spat out. She picked some clothes out and threw her towel to the floor. Hastily putting her tightest pants and expensive top on, she added: "You are the reason I am in this mess in the first place."
"Fine, stone me, then. I got you out of the monotony of your life, don't forget that."
"Thanks, my life is chockfull with excitement now." The sarcasm could be cut with a fork.
"You had fun. Don't deny that."
"Yeah, okay," she admitted reluctantly. "It was a great day."
"And don't you forget it, baby," Kanade replied with a wink.
Five minutes later, the doorbell rang out. Maria was here. And damn, did she look beautiful! She wore casual clothes. A black t-shirt which caressed her form perfectly, and a short, loose skirt showing off those amazing legs and, Tsubasa secretly hoped, her ass as well, should she bend over for whatever reason.
She fought those intrusive thoughts down. She couldn't just stand here and drool over her, after all. Well, maybe she could, but there was a time and place for everything.
"Damn!"
Tsubasa wanted to sigh. Here came another comment from Kanade. Of course.
"Look at what she's wearing. How thirsty can one bitch get? Seriously, fuck her, girl!"
Tsubasa threw the girl standing next to her a judgmental look. Can't she just shut up for a few minutes?
"Hi, Basa," Maria greeted her with a slight smile. In her face was something else, besides the happiness, though. Concern, maybe? Whatever it was, Maria seemed to exam her right from the get-go, as her eyes focused intently on every movement the young girl made.
"Hello, Maria."
"So," she began, after greeting Tsubasa's father as well, "How are you feeling?"
"Okay. I got a light headache, but I feel better."
"That's good to hear. Come on, let's go to your room, we can talk in private there. I have a few questions for you."
In her room, Tsubasa took a seat on her messy bed, while Maria took hers at the desk. She took out a binder from the black suitcase she got with her. Opening the binder up and scribbling something, she asked a first question: "How did you sleep?"
"Good," the girl answered. The sleep could have been better, if she was honest, but she wasn't exhausted or anything.
"No nightmares or anything?"
Tsubasa shook her head.
Maria wrote something down again. "Very good. And what about Kanade? Noticed anything different with her?"
Involuntarily, Tsubasa's eyes darted over to the door. Again, Kanade was leaning against the frame, arms crossed, and regarded her and Maria with a stern look.
"She is still here, but she behaves strange."
"Really? How so?"
"She keeps her distance, and is a bit calmer. It freaks me out, honestly."
"That's normal. It's the medication," Maria explained. "You will notice her change a bit more, before she'll disappear completely. But that will take time."
"You see?" Kanade spoke up. "I told you, she wants to pull us apart. You can't trust her."
"But you have to promise me something, please." Maria opened her suitcase again, taking out a big pack of pills and handing it to the young girl. "Promise me you'll take these, one every morning and evening."
"Don't do it, she wants to control you," Kanade chimed in.
Tsubasa hesitated grabbing the pack. Her eyes darted between Kanade's angry visage and Maria's gentle eyes.
And of course, Maria picked up on that. "What's wrong?"
Kanade shook her head quickly, demanding of her to stay quiet.
"N… nothing," Tsubasa stuttered.
Handing the girl the pack, Maria arched a delicate eyebrow. "Okay, I believe you," she said. It was obvious she did not.
Tsubasa could feel her words hit her like a hot knife straight into her heart. But she had to deal with it. She just had to take those pills, and everything would be fine.
Right?
"The pills take a while to work. It can take days, weeks, months, even. Keep taking them, okay?"
A hesitant nod, then: "I… I will."
Maria regarded the girl with a gentle smile. Her eyes trailed over her, and her smile grew a bit wider. "I like what you're wearing today. Looks good."
Tsubasa blushed hard. Of course, she dressed well for her, but she never expected her to actually acknowlede it. Tsubasa got fidgety, tried to hide her face in some way to not make the blush too obvious. Of course, her behavior only attributed to making a fool out of herself.
But as her eyes fell on Kanade, a shiver ran through her. She regarded her with such anger, she was scared Kanade would attack her.
She knows you like her, and she uses this to manipulate you.
"I have to go now," Maria spoke. "We'll see each other in a few weeks, alright?"
Tsubasa fought down her feeling of dejection. She wanted to talk to her a bit more, damnit! Ask her questions, just listen to her voice! She loved her voice.
But Maria packed up her stuff and with a final goodbye, left the room, and, Tsubasa assumed, the house not long after.
Kanade sighed. "You see now? I told you she just wants to control you!"
No, she was wrong!
Tsubasa wanted to say something in return, shut her up, but she could only stutter: "B… but…"
"No buts! Look at you! You look amazing! You wanted to impress her, but all she said was 'looks good'? She doesn't care about you. She wants to control you!"
She was wrong!
"She forced pills down your throat that knocked you the fuck out, don't you see?"
Wrong!
"And just now? She gave you even more! Do you really think anyone who loves you would do that?"
Was she wrong?
"Why do you think she asked about your nightmares? I bet she used the pills to control your mind, and those nightmares are a side effect."
Maybe she wasn't wrong?
"Believe me, Tsubasa, I only want what's best for you, you know that! You are so in love with that woman, you don't even realize how she controls you."
"But why?" came the careful question. "Why would she do that?"
"To keep us apart. Do you remember the first time you met her?"
Tsubasa nodded. How could she ever forget that day?
"Let me guess: She asked about me?"
It felt like her heart stopped for a solid second or two. Maria did ask about Kanade! She always found it strange that she did that, but never put two and two together until now. "You… you don't mean…"
"Oh, I do! She did it all just to tear us apart! Who knows who's in it, too."
Could it be? Was Kanade right all along and Maria just tried to trick her? It could not be! Maria was so nice, so beautiful. How could she?
"I am sorry, Tsubasa, but you know it's true."