Chapter 13: Downwards

It was almost deadly quiet. A few days of taking the pills every morning and evening made Kanade shut up. Now the woman was doing nothing more than observe her.

Tsubasa spent most of her time in her room. She listened to music, played games on her PC, or watched YouTube videos or porn. As long as no one was bothering her, everything was fine. She just wanted to be alone.

She didn't want to see anyone.

Honestly, her father taking her out of school was the best thing that idiot ever did, which spoke volumes regarding his abilities, really. Now she could do whatever the fuck she wanted, in her little room. Alone.

It felt good.

A knock on her door interrupted one of the best flicks she has ever seen. It was a foreign one, american, it seemed. It was uncensored, none of that dumb pixel shit, and the bitch in the video could take it like none other. But of course, she had to stop at the best part. The world hated her, after all.

She closed the video and opened the door. "What?" she grumbled out.

It was her father, of course. Who else would annoy her like this?

"I am going shopping, and you are coming with me," he demanded. He wore his jacket already, ready to go out.

"And why would I?"

"Because you've been sitting in your room for days. You need some fresh air."

Tsubasa rolled her eyes and groaned. Of course, he did not ask her if she wanted. Why would he? He didn't care. No one did, just like always. They just forced whatever they wanted onto her.

And she hated it.

"Get ready, please. I'll be waiting."

With an angry look she shut the door. Fine, if it shut him up, she would humor him and come with him. But she needed pants for that. At home, she got into the habit of only wearing underwear and a loose shirt, but when someone forced her out of the house, she had to dress adequate.

And she hated it.

She picked out a pair of jeans from her floor. It would do. It was most likely dirty, but who gave a shit? She hadn't showered in days, either. No reason to.

Her eyes darted over to Kanade in the corner. She regarded her with a sorrowful look. Tsubasa hated when she did that.

"You haven't said a word in days. Don't you fucking dare to look at me like this!"

But she did. In fact, it seemed her look became even more worried.

"I know what you are thinking." She stomped over to the table and grabbed her pack of pills. "You think those things are at fault, right? You told me they change me. Maria did, too. But I have to take them." She clenched her empty hand into a shaking fist. "Why aren't you saying anything?" Her vision started to blur as tears ran down her cheeks. "I hate this," she whispered.

Again, Kanade said nothing. She just looked.

With a frustrated groan the young girl threw the pack of pills through her room and stormed out. Her father was waiting at the front door, checking something on his phone. E-Mails, maybe.

Tsubasa stepped into her slippers. Her father wanted to say something to her, but she was out of the house so quickly, he had no other choice but to walk after her.

"Tsubasa, what's wrong," he asked. His voice was thick with concern.

"Where are we going?"

A sigh. "Buying groceries. I need some stuff for dinner tonight."

She wiped the remaining wetness of her tears of her face, and with more force than necessary, opened the car door. She wanted to get this shit over with as fast as possible. Just left alone, by herself.

The drive was hauntingly silent. Her father tried to strike up a conversation one, maybe two times, but she did not reply. Didn't feel like it. A look into the rearview mirror showed Kanade sitting on the back seat, again, silent. Just looking on, judging her. And it pissed her off to no end.

Then, they arrived at their destination. That big convenience store her father went to whenever they needed something. Or rather, when he thought they needed something. She went to it herself every now and then, back in the day. When she still gave a shit about that crap. Not anymore.

She also didn't care about what the people thought she passed inside. She was unkempt, unshaven, wore dirty clothes and did not shower for a few days at least. And she had no desire to change anything about it. Yes, they looked at her weird, yes, she smelled, but no, she did not care. In fact, she liked how the people regarded her, how her mere presence seemed to annoy them. Let them hate her. The feeling was mutual, after all.

Her father walked between isles with his shopping cart, picking up food, spices and other condiments for that dumb dinner. He greeted one or two people he crossed paths with, while Tsubasa was trotting behind, avoiding eye contact and ignoring the annoying voices directed towards her. She just wanted to go home and be by herself.

Alone with Kanade.

At least, she would have loved to. But Kanade didn't speak to her anymore. Because of those damn pills. They were supposed to help her, Maria said. So why did she feel like complete shit lately? Everyone pissed her off, everything annoyed her.

Was there a way out of this feeling?

"Okay," her father spoke, pulling her out of her thoughts, "we need vegetables and fish."

Well, get it then. That were her thoughts. He was the one dragging her with him, for fuck's sake. She'd much rather stay in her room, door locked, lights turned off, in front of her PC. Why did the entire world seem to be out to kick her in the ass?

Dragged into the vegetable isle, she silently crossed her arms and waited for her father to finish his shopping quickly. That may would have happened, if her uncle didn't happen to buy food at the same time, in the same fucking store. Seriously, did the world just hate her?

"Yatsuhiro," his deep booming voice sounded through the store, "that's a surprise. How are you doing?"

Her father looked up from the basket of daikon, scanning his surroundings to find the source of the very familiar voice. When he finally saw the muscular frame of his brother some into view, they greeted each other with smiles and laughter.

"Gen! That is indeed a surprise. A very pleasant one. I'm doing fine. How about you?"

Great. Small talk. Hours of pointless crap being thrown about.

"Oh, good, but busy." He spotted Tsubasa behind his brother and waved at her. "Hey, little one. How are you?"

A disgruntled huff was the only reply she was willing to give.

"Is she okay?" Gen asked, scanning her appearance.

Yatsuhiro shook his head in sadness. "No. But that's not something I am willing to discuss in public. I hope you understand."

Gen threw the girl a final look, before nodding. "Of course."

"So, anyway, how about you? We haven't talked in a while." It was obvious he wanted to change the subject, and fast.

Genjuro was silent for a second. He seemed to still have questions, but he respected his older brother's wishes. "Well, I am going to become a father."

"Really? I didn't know you found yourself a woman. That's great news!"

But Genjuro laughed and shook his head. "No, no, nothing like that. You know I'm married to my work. No, I am adopting."

Yatsuhiro's eyes became the size of dinner plates. "Adopt? No way! How come I haven't heard about that yet?"

"Well, that is related to my work. I wasn't allowed to talk about it while investigations were ongoing."

"Oh," was the short, surprised reply. "But now you can talk about it?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Though if I may use your words: That's not something I am willing to discuss in public."

"Well, I am currently shopping for dinner. I could prepare for one more, if you got the time."

He seemed to consider his answer for a second, before nodding. "Yeah, why not? I was about to buy myself some microwave dinner like the last few weeks. Some real food would be a welcomed change."

Finally, after what felt like hours, her father and her uncle waited in line. Tsubasa hated being locked in between people and shopping carts, and that annoying brat nagging his mother about candy directly behind her did the rest to piss her off.

She tried to focus on the conversation the two adults had. Maybe she could block out this infernal noise.

"Is it a boy or a girl you're adopting?", Yatsuhiro asked his younger brother. Seemed like they were back at the topic of the adoption.

"It's a girl. Cute little thing. Around twelve years old. Lost her parents when she was little."

Yatsuhiro seemed to struggle with his words, not sure what to say. "Oh, wow, I… I'm sorry. That poor girl. It must have been hard for her."

Gen, his visage dark, shook his head and replied: "You don't even know half of it."

Yatsuhiro was again uncertain what to say. He seemed to try and lighten the mood, because he turned around to his daughter and said: "Seems like you'll get a cousin you can hang out with."

Honestly, she couldn't give less of a fuck if she wanted to. And she really wanted to. Who cares about some random cunt she never met? That girl was probably retarded anyway.

Oh, God, could this goddamned kid behind her shut THE FUCK UP?

"I don't care," Tsubasa grumbled.

"I've never seen her like this," Gen said concerned. "She worries me."

His brother nodded, followed by a sigh. "Me too. But we are seeking help for her. I will tell you all about it at home."

That dumb kid behind her still yelled like crazy! She decided to get a better look at that annoying shit. Some six-year-old brat, crying like the bitch he was. The desire to strangle that piece of shit was overwhelming. Or at least beating his dumb little face in until he was quiet. Yeah, that would have been nice.

But no, he kept nagging and nagging and bitching and whining to his mother, and that dumb slut just stands there, looking at her phone. Probably was checking the messages from her pimp or whatever. She probably did not even notice how annoying her brat of an inbred shit was.

She had to do something.

"For fuck's sake, shut the hell up, you brat! You're not getting shit, so just be quiet!"

The entire store fell silent. It was almost eerie, as if all life in the world stopped existing at once. The boy hid behind his mother, eyeing Tsubasa scared. His mother looked up from her phone, finally, to give her a look of pure shock.

It was then she felt a hand on her shoulder, pulling her around.

"What are you doing?" her father's highly confused voice came. "You can't just say that!"

"He was crying all the time! It is fucking annoying!" she argued.

"That still does not give you the right to just yell at the little boy!"

Tsubasa turned around to the kid. He still looked at her with those annoying, tearful eyes. God, she hated him.

And then, she said something, so matter-of-fact, so content with herself, that if her father did not react as quickly as he did and pulled her out of the store, her statement would have become a reality: "I am going to hit him."