Chapter 28

Persephone

As soon as Hades stormed out of the room, Aspasia gave me a flat look.

"What?" I asked defensively. "I didn't do anything."

Aspasia looked skeptical, but didn't say anything.

"I don't have to explain myself to you. You're just a servant. His servant. I know that you've been telling him everything I've said to you."

"This isn't about me, my Lady."

"No, you're right. It's about Hades." I said scornfully. To my consternation, I began to cry. It was only a few tears at first, but then the emotional dam that had been building up in me burst, and the tears turned into a bawl.

"I'm dying, Aspasia," I burst out between sobs. "Do you have any idea what that feels like? And it's Hades fault."

"My lady, you know you can't die," she reminded me drily.

"Can't I? My soul is being slowly starved in this dark hellhole. And he sends his foul servants to keep me trapped. I hate him!" My tears dried up in my anger towards him.

Aspasia seemed to struggle for a moment with what to say. "Hades saved you from the wrath of the Furies," she eventually stated.

"I am very aware that Hades condescended to save me after sending those monsters after me," I fumed. I folded my arms against my chest and looked away.

"You don't understand. Hades saved you from a fate worse than death. You may not be aware of the laws of the Underworld, but if you break them, the Furies are entitled to a burnt sacrifice. Hades has nothing to do with what the rules are or who the Furies' victim is. However, if someone is noble enough to do so, they can take another person's payment to be their own. Hades took your punishment on himself and hasn't asked you for anything in return. He is a better man than you give him credit for, and you know it. Stop lying to yourself."

I was knocked speechless by this sudden revelation. Could Hades, cruel, selfish Hades, really do something like that for me?

"When you say burnt sacrifice…" I ventured cautiously.

"I mean that they torture their victim until they die from pain, ending it all in fire. Hades is a god, of course, so it doesn't kill him. It does mean that he should know better. Those spiteful she-devils are much harder on him than they would or could be to anyone else."

That livid cut on his cheek that refused to heal, that horror-struck face, his breakdown in the garden. It all pointed to this. And that nightmare I had had, where I had been burning. Could that possibly have had anything to do with what Hades had gone through?

"Oh, Acheron," I said, burying my face in my hands, horrified. How could I have been so blind?

"I am truly sorry to tell you like this, my Lady. I know that Hades wanted you to be spared from knowing."

"He was laughing," I whispered.

"What?"

"That day when I fainted in the garden, he laughed with me." I looked up at Aspasia's kind eyes. "How could he have laughed so soon?"

Aspasia just shook her head, perplexed, but I already knew.

I had always heard that love could heal any wound. But… I hadn't thought that Hades could feel that deep of love, and for me of all people.

"My lady," Aspasia interrupted my thoughts gently, "there is one more thing I should tell you. Lord Hades says that you may send a message to Zeus asking him to annul your marriage. Once that is done, you will be free to leave the Underworld when you choose."

I wasn't sure what I should do or how I should feel. Anger, confusion, hope, and relief all welled up in me. These were all lost in a wave of sadness. How could he just let me go like that? How could he walk away from me right now? Just when I realized that…

That I finally found the place where I could be happy. The thought came out of nowhere and rammed into my awareness.

I waved at Aspasia to leave me in peace. I had much I had to think about and consider.

Could I be happy here?

I hadn't been happy with Mother before, I had already admitted that to myself. I had told her that I wanted to at least experience the dark, that I wanted to have a husband. That I wanted room to finally come into my own. I finally had it all, whether or not it lived up to my expectations.

I had been trying to forget that argument I had with Mother. I had tried to be loyal to her by trying to convince myself that she was right. I tried to convince myself that I had been happy before with my mother. The truth was, I was tired of it. I was so tired of her and her high handed ways. I was done with doing what she said just because she was my mother. I had had enough of being her perfect darling. It was time to choose my own path.

Where did Hades fit in my new life, though?

I remembered seeing Hades as I first entered the banquet hall. The other gods and goddesses all tried so hard to carry their authority naturally. Hades was the only one who did. And when I had talked to him, he had encouraged me to speak my mind, allowed me to be curious. Those were things that I had always been forced to conceal from my mother.

The image of the look he sometimes got when he saw me rose into my mind, like the world was suddenly a little bit brighter. That night that I had tried to run away, he had held me as I shook with fear.

And what was it he had said to me? "I'm trying, Persephone, I really am. Please let me."

I hadn't let him. I had pushed him away when he had kissed me, when he had tried to help me after fainting, when he had confided in me about his mother. He had been kind to me when I had given him every reason to hate me. Except for that last time, when I had accused him of jealousy. I should have kept silent. He must hate me now.

Why did I care so much? Wouldn't it be better if he just hated me like I hated him?

It was then that I realized, like a burst of sunshine that comes to banish the darkness, that I didn't hate Hades. I loved him, or at least I very easily could. He was the other half of my life that I always felt I had been missing. The constant yearning for another life I had felt while living with Mother had slowly died during my time here. Of course I missed the world above, but the pain of separation had faded to almost a whisper. If I accepted my life down here, with Hades, I would finally become a complete person.

But I had already lost him.

Mother had been right, I had been a child. I gave up too easily when something was too hard, but not anymore. I would fight for this relationship. I wouldn't fight because anyone was forcing me too, but because I had made the choice.

I had the desire to go to Hades. I had no idea where he was or if I had the strength to get to him. I lay for a few hours, my mind idle wandering around the thoughts I had been thinking. Then, I realized something. I knew where Hades's chambers were. They weren't far away, and he might even be there. It was getting late, afterall.

I crept into the hall and paused for a moment in front of his door. I heard snoring was coming from the other side. I tried the lock and found it unlatched. Cautiously, I pushed the door open, wincing as it gave out a slight squeak.

Hades was sprawled on his back on the bed. He was dead asleep. Before I could think better of it, I stepped inside to kneel by his bedside. His flushed face was turned towards me, and I could smell the alcohol on him.

I reached out and lightly caressed the still livid scar on his cheek. The other hurts he had suffered must have healed by now; I couldn't even imagine what they could have been. He flinched when my nail accidently caught his lacerated skin. I hastily removed my hand, afraid that he might wake up.

To my relief, he continued to sleep. I stood up and touched his arm gently in farewell.

Icelus had mercy on me, and my sleep was dreamless. I woke up hours later feeling better than I had for a long time. I stretched out lazily and swung my feet over the side of my bed. A fresh bath was set up for me, courtesy of Aspasia, I was sure. I thanked her in my mind and cleaned myself up. Afterwards, I got dressed and took extra thought about my clothing choice.

Mother had always said that what you wore was an important foundation for confidence. The better you looked, the better you felt about yourself. I decided on a dark red chiton, trimmed with gold. Red for power and gold for elegance. I allowed my hair to be loose to show it off to its best advantage and added a light, gold headband to give me an added air of command.

Then, I braced myself and looked in the mirror for the first time since my hair had started to change color. I was more surprised than I thought I'd be at what I saw. My black eyes stared at me from a thinner, more mature face. For once in my life, my eyes fit the person they belonged to. I leaned in closer to my reflection, fascinated. My hair was darker, as were my eyebrows and eyelashes. My lips were dark red instead of pink, and all color was gone from my cheeks. My skin was smooth and icy.

It was a completely different face, I thought with a panic. But no, I realized as I searched my face, there was my nose and high cheekbones. And that expression was certainly mine. I finally looked completely like the Queen of the Underworld, I realized. The thought frightened me, yes, but not as much as it once had.

Abruptly, I turned on my heel and swept out of the room.

There was a servant outside walking down the hall. Whether it was the same servant that pointed me towards Hades's room after his incident with the Furies, I couldn't tell. They all looked the same to me.

"Where's Hades?" I asked, surprising myself with the command that was in my voice.

"He's in the Throne Room, My Lady. Lord Hermes has arrived and says he has a message from Lord Zeus," the servant answered with a bow.

I thanked the servant and went to Hades's throne room. I cautiously peeked in. There was Hades, sitting on his throne. He was wearing the same mask of control that I remembered seeing when he had left my room the day before. My heart ached to see him so shut off from the world. If we had been alone, I would have ran to him and begged his pardon. I didn't dare let Hermes catch sight of me, however.

Hermes was standing in front of Hades, flying nervously a few inches from the ground and carefully avoiding Hades's eyes. He was saying something that I couldn't quite catch. I needed to get closer.

I stayed in the shadows around the edges of the room, which was easy enough. The Underworld was never lit very brightly. I finally got to a place where I could hear them both and hid myself behind a pillar.