It has been a day.
Rey is hungry and worn out. Leia and Padme have dragged her all over Theed, showing her everything there is to see. Admittedly, it's not that much. Not like trying to take in New York in a single morning. They show her the indigenous heritage sites and the leftover remnants of the original Russian settlers. They show her the fishing wharf where Han's commercial fishing enterprise runs smoothly, and the tiny little schoolhouse where Ben attended kindergarten through eighth grade, and the tiny little high school where he finished out his education. They take her shopping at a few of the apparel shops around — no tacky souvenir stuff, but real clothes, nice clothes, and Rey learns that Padme is passionate about fashion.
"My mother was a seamstress," she explains. "She taught me everything she knew and hoped one day I'd become a dressmaker for fancy Hollywood ladies in California. I chose a life of politics instead, but I made sure to hire talented but unknown designers to dress me, to give them a high-profile platform to work with. Every single one went on to have wonderful careers."
"Mother was always pushing the envelope of fashion at the time," Leia laughs. "She was fearless."
"I had to be fearless, being a young woman in power," Padme sniffs. "Rey gets it."
Rey isn't sure she does. She pretends to be fearless, but living life the way she has, it's pretty evident she's had a lot of fear. Fear of being discovered as the nobody she really is. Fear no one will take her seriously. She's been hiding in plain sight. Padme owns her identity, wears it like a badge of honor. Rey is certain this tough old woman wouldn't be caught dead trying to conceal who she is. Maybe she doesn't have Rey's past, but it's still inspiring. Motivating, even.
Today is the first time, maybe ever, that Rey really feels free to be in her own skin without the world watching to see how that works. She lets herself be. She isn't trying to prove anything to anyone, not trying to compete or put on a facade, not trying to fight anyone for dominance. She enjoys herself, enjoys the day and the company. Her mood is bright and livelier than she's noticed in a long, long time. Even Leia notices, and remarks to her mother that it's a shame that Rey and Ben are always working so hard, when it's obvious a little self-care is so very good for them. Padme snickers and tells Leia they probably have their own methods of self-care back in New York. Or mutual-care. Rey's in too good a mood to let this loaded little comment get to her, so she laughs and plays along.
The day is exhausting, but fun. Not trying to be anyone's boss is liberating. Which is strange, considering the lie she's living right now instead.
By the time afternoon rolls around, Rey's stomach is growling loudly and the women decide it's time for the surprise.
"There will be food at the surprise," Padme says, patting her consolingly.
The surprise, it turns out, is Theed's one and only strip club. An inconspicuous place labeled The Fates. Rey is initially disappointed, because she's pretty sure this means the food will be terrible. And as long as she's owning her identity today, she might as well enjoy in the best kind of food, the kind that makes go crazy and eat like the bottomless pit she really is. This place seems unlikely to have anything like that.
She's also leery because it's three in the afternoon, which feels like a weird time to go to a strip club. Her reluctance is further compounded when Rose and Zorri show up with a few other women in tow, including the giant blond from the party.
"Hi Rey!" Rose says eagerly. Her warmth is infectious. "I hope you don't mind, Leia invited us!"
"It's great to see you again," Rey says, because she really is glad to see her again.
Padme ushers them all inside and they cluster around a couple of tables. Leia orders beers and burgers for everyone. Rey snacks on fries before they arrive, and honestly, they're not too bad. She likes whatever flavor they've dusted over the top.
"You're in for a real treat," Padme giggles conspiratorially to Rey, elbowing her. "This is one of Theed's greatest treasures."
A strip club? Rey's pretty sure they have better treasures than this, but she smiles and nods politely anyway.
The lights dim as Duran Duran comes thumping over the speakers. Seems like an odd choice for a strip tease. The first bars of Hungry Like The Wolf blare and Rey almost falls out of her chair with mortification when Poe, the handsome guy from the party comes strutting out onto the stage, dressed in a black leather jacket unzipped to reveal his chest, and black leather pants held up by scarlet suspenders. He's immediately gyrating to the beat, popping his hips, presenting himself for full consideration by this mostly-female crowd.
His spectators hoot and whistle excitedly.
Rey blushes red hot and focuses on her burger when it arrives. It's easier to look at than the man making himself one with the music.
"Normally Poe works at Leia's store," Rose says, leaning over to talk above the noise. "But he does this on the side. He loves it. Isn't he great?"
Rey has no idea what to judge him against. She's never been to anything like this. Poe moves with the beat, so at least he's got that going for him, and he exudes confidence in every snap of his hips, every drop and turn and smirk. But even with all that on his side, Rey is in full-on cringe mode the moment he starts to mess with that jacket, teasing like he's going to take it off. He's throwing these charming dimpled grins and meaningful winks at his riled audience.
The burger is very good. Rey takes solace in that, at least.
The others are loving the show, egging him on, cheering wildly when the jacket comes off and his whole gleaming bronze chest comes into view. Looks like he's been oiled up. Rey winces.
"Work it, Poe!" Rose shouts.
Zorri laughs. "Here, Poe. The bride is over here!"
Rey flushes with sudden mortification as Poe, now having yanked off the legs of his pants so he's only wearing a thong that really leaves nothing to the imagination, thrusts his way over to them while Le Bon promises he's on the hunt.
Padme tucks some bills into the strap of this thong and gives his naked haunch a smack. "Get your lady, Poe!"
He leans sensually over the table and takes Rey's hand, much to her horror. He tugs her up and out of the crowd.
"No, no, really, it's okay," she tries to protest in nervous horror. "Remember how I said I wasn't a fish person? I'm not really into any forms of dance either. Or stages. Or spectacles."
He flashes her a toothy grin and nods. "Relax, baby. I've got you."
Someone helpfully puts a chair on the stage, and he guides her into it. Rey would really like to shrivel up and die now. She looks around for a rescue, only to find a sea of eager faces cheering her on.
"Show her what she's giving up!" someone laughs.
Poe's sandalwood cologne is heady and heavy around her, pungent and ripe. Fire, it promises. It makes her head spin. This isn't the same kind of dizzy as what she felt when Ben kissed her, though. This isn't the kind of soaring, weightless, euphoric feeling of a cannabinoid high. This is like breathing gas fumes for too long.
"You're cute," he whispers as he slinks along behind her. "No wonder he's been hiding you in New York. You blush so easily. I'm sure I could find other ways to make you blush."
No, her whole body screams. He's the wrong one.
She chokes back an urge to punch him in the face, or maybe laugh. Yeah. She laughs. It's a desperate sound, caught between hilarity and horror. All her instincts are on high alert. There's a creature stalking around her, and she needs to flee, but this is just a game. There's not real danger here. But it feels like danger, like he might catch her and make her his own. She doesn't want to be caught by this one.
Poe writhes and gyrates around her.
The cheering of the other women makes her want to burst out in giggles again, but the musk of this stranger and the proximity of his groin thrusting near her head now make her want to vomit, and all at once it becomes too much and she buries her face in her hands until its over.
Burning the ground, I break from the crowd
I'm on the hunt, I'm after you
Scent and a sound, I'm lost and I'm found
And I'm hungry like the wolf
Strut on a line, it's discord and rhyme
I howl and I whine, I'm after you
Mouth is alive, all running inside
Honestly, she has no idea how long it lasts. When it finally ends and he lets her go, the women crowd around her and congratulate her and ask her how it was. She makes the appropriate responses to reassure them that they've not traumatized her for life, and then when they turn their attention to Poe's next dance, she slips out a side door onto a balcony overlooking the wharf to suck deep, cleansing breaths.
Someone follows her out a few seconds later.
"Hey," she says softly.
Rey turns to see the clear green eyes of Zorri, a smile on her face. "Hey, how are you holding up?"
"Oh, hi. I'm fine." She squints up into the sunshine. "You know, just getting some air. His...energy... is kind of intense."
"It is. He enjoys the art of seduction. Anyway, you did well. I'm sure this is all really overwhelming." Zorri chuckles a low, husky chuckle. Her voice is deep for a woman, smooth like tranquil water. "Probably isn't the weekend you expected."
"I really didn't know what to expect. But yeah, this is not it at all."
"A bit different from New York?"
"Very."
"I bet you have way better nightlife there. Better options than this."
"Yeah, we do." Rey pauses, then adds. "But to be honest, I can't say that with firsthand experience. I don't do much outside of work. I know that's pretty sad."
Zorri doesn't look at her with pity. She lifts her brow and shrugs. "I imagine your work is demanding."
"It is…" Rey pivots the conversation away from herself. "Have you ever been?"
"No. Not really my thing. I'm kind of like a lot of people here. I love it. I don't really want to leave. To visit, sure, but this is where my home is. The Skywalker-Solo clan has always been a more restless bunch. Han's the only one with Theed in his heart. Everyone else has...ambition."
"Ambition."
"Yeah, you know. They've got big dreams. They don't care about staying. The world holds more exciting opportunities. They come back when their adventures are through, but Theed can't hold them forever."
Rey considers this, and then says softly, "Ben is like that, I think."
Zorri smiles a little. "Definitely. He was always so itchy to get out of here. I always teased him that he would never be satisfied with life. That he was looking for something that wasn't there. He knew from a young age that he wanted to go to New York and work for Luke. I wondered if it would be enough for him. I guess it is."
Is it? He's been at that grindstone for a long time, and he finally wrestled a promotion out of it, but Rey wonders.
"You guys were pretty serious, I take it." Her stomach constricts, but she makes herself touch this topic anyway. Because she wants to know. She needs to know. Maybe it's masochism.
"Well, I mean we dated in high school and a little bit through college, but we were just kids." Zorri glances at her. Her voice is reassuring. Rey doesn't necessarily feel reassured.
It's silent for a minute before she ventures, "Can I ask why it ended?"
Zorri doesn't seem bothered by the question. She sucks in a deep breath. "Everyone around here believes in all that soul mates thing. The half orange. Two people destined to be together, you know?"
"Yeah, so I've heard."
"I guess we kind of did too, and in high school we tried to pretend that was us. We thought it was. Not that we ever—" she hurries to clarify, turning, eyes wide, "We never actually made promises or concrete plans or anything. We were never engaged. Our parents wouldn't allow it. Even in college, the timing was always wrong, or we were too comfortable, or maybe we just kind of sensed that we shouldn't. So we never talked about our future. But even still, we were convinced we were meant for each other."
Rey's cheeks warm, but she says nothing.
Zorri observes her briefly and then nods. "Turns out we weren't. We knew it when he asked me to come to New York with him. This was like seven years ago. He asked, and I told him I didn't want to leave — ever. And we just kind of looked at each other and knew. We weren't made for each other. Maybe it's all mumbo jumbo. I'm actually with Poe now — sorta."
At Rey's shocked expression, she laughs.
"I know. It's not like we're gonna get married or anything. He's fun, and I like being with him, but it's not like the stars align when we kiss. Actually, we have kind of a weird open relationship with Hux and his girlfriend. We trade sometimes. Gwen is really great. That's probably way more than you wanted to know, but I say it so that you know why Ben and I would never work. He's restless, but traditional. Turns out I'm not. I want to stay here and live my strange, satisfying life. He wants to see the world and make big waves and have his one steady companion. And you know, it's funny, I didn't notice while we were in high school, but I'm way more myself around Poe than I ever was with Ben. Isn't that weird?"
Rey doesn't relate to that at all. She wrinkles her nose and gives Zorri a look.
She laughs again. "See? And since you can be yourself, that's what makes you two a much better fit."
"So what he does in there doesn't make you jealous?" Rey peeks over her shoulder at the flashing lights inside.
Zorri smirks. "Not as much as you'd think. This always gets him all riled up. I'll probably have a great night."
Rey grimaces. "Oh god."
"Welcome to Theed, Rey," Zorri chuckles. "We'd better get back in there before your in-laws start looking for you."
The ride back to the house is quiet. Padme snoozes in her seat, all worn out from the excitement of the afternoon. Leia softly sings along to the radio. Her mood is peaceful and happy. Rey is quiet and peaceful too. She watches the ocean and the sunlight glittering off the water. Her body feels heavy, and she would really like to go lie in that enormous bed. It's been a good day, but she feels excessively threadbare now that it's over.
When they arrive at the giant house, Leia wakes her mother. Padme immediately wants to rehash the fun of the afternoon, chattering happily the whole walk up to the house. At the porch, though, a cracking sound stops them all dead in their tracks.
Thud. Crack.
The three of them head to the side of the porch and look off across the lawn where Ben is swinging an axe down into a new log, splitting it clean in half. His red heather t-shirt is soaked in sweat, clinging to his broad frame in a way that makes Rey gape at the spectacle of her massive assistant doing something so inherently masculine. He grabs another and immediately splits that in two as well.
Leia doesn't seem so impressed. "Uh-oh," she sighs.
"Why uh-oh?" Rey manages to tear her eyes away from the scene.
"Chopping logs is what Ben does when he's angry," Padme explains. "We had mountains and mountains of it when he was a teenager."
Leia frowns. "Something must have happened to upset him."
Rey wonders what his coping technique is in the city where there are no logs to chop.
"We'd best leave him alone for a while," Padme urges, herding them back into the house. "He'll talk when he's ready. Or he won't. Let him work through it."
Inside, Han is lounging on the couch watching some kind of boat racing tournament. Padme shuffles off to her room with a reassuring pat to Rey's arm and a grin goodbye. Leia marches straight over to her husband and turns the TV off.
"Hey," he grouches. "What's the matter?"
Her voice is sharp. "Why is Ben out there hacking up firewood again?"
Han's is not. It sounds lazy and annoyed. "How should I know? Maybe he finally remembered he has a mother and is trying to make sure you have enough for winter."
Rey hangs back, sensing a family argument on the brink of explosion.
"I'm going to go shower," she tells Leia. "I need to get the smell of Poe's body oil off."
"Of course, dear," Leia says distractedly. She turns again to Han. "What did you do?"
"I didn't do anything."
Rey silently pads over to the stairs and hovers there, waiting and listening. She shouldn't eavesdrop on this, but like Ben's argument with his father at the party, she's too intrigued to be polite. There are puzzle pieces to him here and she wants to understand.
Leia's voice cracks through the air again. "You did something. If Ben's upset, it almost always come back to you."
Han grunts. "I just had a frank conversation with him about his future. I told him I thought he was wasting his life working for that hippie brother of yours, and that reading books all day is a poor use of his talents."
"What a great idea, Han," Leia snaps back sarcastically. "Did that make him come running to take over your business? Did it?"
"No, of course not. The kid is headstrong, Leia."
"He is my son. My only son. And I only get to see him every few years because he doesn't like to come home. And you know why he doesn't like to come home? Because of you. Because you can't approve of anything he chooses to do with his life."
"If he doesn't come home it's because Luke and that girl up there have him working too hard!"
"What is it, Han? Is his job not a real job or is it too hard? You can't seem to make up your mind about that. He says it's because of work, but we both know that's an excuse. Rey is lovely, and I'm sure if he asked her, she'd give him the time off to come see us. He doesn't come because he knows he's going to fight with you every time he does."
Han finally sounds angry. His voice rises. "He doesn't belong out there, Leia, and you know it. He belongs here with us, getting ready to take over your mother's empire and my business."
Leia laughs a cold, incredulous laugh. "He's never going to be a fisherman. Accept it."
"I want us to retire! I want to leave our businesses in good hands so you and I can enjoy our retirement in peace!"
"If you push him away, you know what you'll retire to? A great big house with me and my mother, for however much longer she's around. We'll be here alone. And our son and his wife will never come visit us because it's too contentious. And one day they'll have our grandbaby, sooner than later if the way they are together is any indication, and we'll never get to be part of that child's life. Because of you. So you're going to fix this."
"Fine," Han snarled. "Fine."
A floorboard creaks, so Rey dashes upstairs as quickly and quietly as she can before anyone can find her loitering on the steps.
Long ago, when she was young, Rey used to hide in the bathroom with the shower running. The sound would drown out the other noises. It was a door she could lock, where no one could get her. The water became a comforting sound. A sound she loved. One she still finds comforting. Sometimes in her apartment, she'll turn on the shower and just lie there on the floor outside the tub, sinking into the pink noise, letting it wash away all her stress.
She does that now. Sorta. She turns on the shower and peels off all her clothes, but instead of getting in right away she finds herself sitting on the bathroom floor, losing herself to the sound of the water. She already showered once today so getting clean isn't her priority. Mostly she just wants a place where no one will find her.
She replays the day behind closed eyelids. She doesn't understand what kind of Pandora's Box she opened by trying to defraud her way into a green card. This was just supposed to be about staying in the US and keeping her job. How did she find herself at the top of the world with her assistant, facing new and uncomfortable things about her perception of herself, her perception of him, about her own role in his life, about family, about every damn thing she's tried to avoid thinking about for years and years? How did this happen? And did she really go toe-to-toe with a bear this morning?
What did Leia mean about if the way they are together is any indication? How are they together?
That argument was revelatory in some aspects. She thinks about what Zorri said, about Han being the only one with Theed in his heart. About how it must drive him crazy that his only offspring doesn't share his love of this island or its wild land. But if the pattern has held true, maybe Ben will want to come back here some day, like his grandmother and mother before him. Maybe when he's had his fill of the world, he return to to make his peace with his past. Then again, Luke hasn't done that. He's never mentioned Theed or Alaska once. Not that they've ever really talked about their personal lives. It's always been business between the two of them. In fact, she doesn't even know if he and Mara are together, or just business partners.
After a while, Rey gets up and hops in the shower quickly, barely rinsing off. She doesn't even wet her hair or use soap. When she gets out she checks the towel warmer and discovers, to her disappointment, that she forgot her towel on the bed this morning. She snags a little hand-towel and pats herself dry as best she can.
No worries. Nobody is around. Ben is out there still chopping wood. She'll just pop out to her bag and grab a clean set of clothes and then disappear into the bathroom again. Easy.
—Except it isn't.
Right as she opens the door and darts forward, she slams directly into a solid wall of a human being.
A very naked human being.
A very naked, very sweaty, very attractive human being.
Rey screams, Ben screams, and their collision sends them toppling to the floor. His arms wrap around her reflexively and she lands atop him in a sprawl of limbs and skin and mingling gasps.
"Why are you naked?" she cries.
But there's a low sound in Ben's chest she doesn't recognize. Rey pushes against the ground on either side of him, scrambling to get her naked body away from his naked body as quickly as she can. Or she tries, at least. In the attempt, she catches a glimpse of his face where his shock is quickly transforming into something else. His pupils blow wide as marbles, eyes darting to her lips. His arms are still holding her tight her to him.
"Ben," she protests, wriggling in search of escape.
"Rey," he says, his voice pained rumble. "You smell like someone else."
Dammit, she forgot that the whole point of the shower was to wash the lingering traces of Poe and the strip club away. Suddenly Ben rolls them over, pinning her down beneath him with arms as thick as tree trunks.
"Ben," she tries again. "It's just—"
"You're mine." He bends to kiss her, lips capturing her own in a blazing rush of heat. A helpless moan passes through her and into him before she can catch it, and her arms wrap around his neck of their own accord, clinging to him while he kisses her fiercely, like he's trying to brand the memory of it into her lips. He rumbles against her as he does it, deep sounds that reverberate to their two bodies still pressed close. Rey's rational side is quickly being conquered by something else inside her that wants to know more about this adrenaline searing through her veins.
It's a crazy kiss, even crazier than the first one. It pushes heat and addiction through her bloodstream like a drug. She wants more.
His lips release her, their panting breaths mingling in the centimeters between them.
"Ben," she squeaks with the first little splinter of her clarity. What are they doing?!
He snaps out of it like a bucket of cold water, head jerking up, eyes back in focus and full of horror. He lets go of her as if she's suddenly made of fire.
"Oh shit," he says. "Oh no, Rey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
He scrambles backwards from her, and she gets an eyeful of everything she's tried not to picture these last three years. A wide expanse of creamy skin, smooth over a nicely defined chest and stomach. Strong thighs, strong arms. Everything about him is hot. She gapes. She can't help it.
"Shit," he says again, eyes darting all over her bared body in incomprehension. "Why are you wet?"
Rey blushes white-hot all over, and she remembers that she too is naked, and her whole body still has dapples of water in random places.
"I was taking a shower and I forgot my towel!" She comes to her senses and flees, scrabbling as quickly as she can to the other side of the bed to hide. The first thing available is the Baby Maker blanket, but she throws that as far away as she can and finds her discarded towel instead. "What the hell were you doing?"
"I didn't think you were here." Ben grabs the Baby Maker for himself and quickly covers up. Like either of them have anything left to hide.
"You couldn't hear me?"
"I had headphones in, I was—"
"What the hell was that with the kiss—"
"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me, you just…" He swallowed, his words failing.
"Blame your mother and horny grandmother for the smell of someone else's cologne," she hisses. "It's Poe, from that stupid strip club. I didn't want anything to do with him."
"Crap, Rey, I'm so sorry."
"Just go take your shower." She flops her head down onto the bed, groaning miserably.
There's a beat of hesitation, and then his hasty footsteps. The bathroom door closes with a click. Rey groans again and waits for the earth to swallow her and her mortification into blessed oblivion.