Chapter 16: Don't Leave Me Alone
"Good morning, sunshine," came her father's voice through the fog of sleep. Tsubasa groaned out and stretched herself a bit. She could still feel a bit of stiffness in her shoulders from when she fell asleep in the yard. She didn't want to wake up.
"Get up, you lazy bum," came another voice. Kanade's.
Tsubasa sighed out, the exhaustion she felt before going to sleep returning. Now she really didn't want to get up. She looked over to the corner of the room, where the redhead seemed to have found her favorite spot. Kanade motioned with her hands to get up and get ready. It stressed Tsubasa out.
Her father seemed to notice. He stepped further into her room and rested his hand on her shoulder. "Hey, don't worry," he said calmly. "Tomorrow we will visit Maria. Everything will be alright, I promise."
Tsubasa sighed out after taking a deep breath. Her back cracked a bit as her lungs extended.
"Listen, honey," her father began. He got down on his knees next to her bed. "I got to drive over to your grandfather. He wanted to discuss… stuff."
Tsubasa arched a tired eyebrow upon his hesitation. Kanade laughed humorless.
"I don't know when I will be back. Can I leave you alone for a few hours?"
Involuntarily, Tsubasa's sleep-heavy eyes focused on the girl her mind drew into her room. There were those weirdly piercing eyes again, seemingly looking all the way into her soul. And maybe they did. Kanade's face was tense. Tsubasa was sure that the moment her father left the house, Kanade would bombard her with questions and dumb remarks.
She didn't want to be alone, honestly. Not with her. Tsubasa was afraid of Kanade's mood swings. One moment she was supportive and strangely polite, the next she laid into her like she ran over her dog or something.
Seemed her brain really hated her.
She nodded, though. Not like they both had any choice. When that shithead of a grandfather wanted something, he got it. Why can't he just fucking die already?
She shut her eyes tightly. She didn't want to think that way.
"Okay," her father sighed. It was clear he was concerned about leaving her alone. But he had to. He gave her a kiss on the top of the head, before leaving the room.
"Finally, he's gone."
Tsubasa threw her a short, angry look, but stayed silent.
"So, what you wanna do today?"
Tsubasa raised herself out of bed slowly. Her back screamed in pain during every movement. Especially when she raised her arms to put on a not quite as dirty shirt, her spine seemed to be set ablaze.
"Listen to music. Alone," she forced out under pain.
"Tomorrow you'll see the bitch, right?"
"Tomorrow I'll see Maria, yes," Tsubasa spat out.
"You gonna fuck her?"
Tsubasa groaned out in frustration. "No, that's not why I'll go there. You know that."
"Yeah, and that's why you're never getting laid. Or amass to anything, really. You're a coward."
Another groan. "Would you just shut your fucking mouth already?"
"What, can't handle the truth? Little baby gonna cry?"
Honestly, yes, she was about to, because she felt anger in a capacity she didn't even know she was capable of. Her fists shook, her jaw hurt from clenching her teeth as hart as she could.
"See? That's what I mean. Can't even handle getting laid into."
"Shut the fuck up! Shut up!" Tsubasa yelled from the top of her lungs. "I hate you! Leave me alone! Leave my head! Die! Die! Die!"
The room fell silent. The only noise was her heavy breathing as she desperately filled her lungs with air. Her throat felt like it was on fire.
And then, Kanade spoke: "There it is. Finally, you show your true nature. I knew you had it in ya."
"I hate this," the young girl whispered. "I hate everything about it. I hate what you're saying. I hate how you never shut up. I hate it. I hate you. I hate…" She closed her eyes, trying to no avail to fight down the tears finally running free. "I hate my life."
A humorless laugh reached her ears.
"Oh, I bet. Look at what you have. No life, no friends, a dumb crush on some gaijin cunt. But hey, the house is great. Way to fucking go."
Tsubasa felt the tears rushing down her face onto the carpet. She willed her legs not to give, to stand strong, but it became increasingly more difficult.
"Oh, and you want me dead? Tough shit, because you are stuck with me for the rest of your pathetic life. It's not like I am jumping in joy, either."
Tsubasa couldn't take it anymore. She had to get out of this situation, away from the monster in her head. With teary eyes, she dashed out of her room.
"Yes, run away," Kanade called after her. "It won't help you."
She kept running blindly, her tears blurring her vision. She had no destination, besides as far away as possible from Kanade and her painful words.
She didn't get far. Something strangely soft blocked her path, and she fell back on her butt.
"Tsubasa!" came the concerned voice of her father. She seemed to have run into him. "Tsubasa, are you okay?"
She pushed herself into his arms. "Can I come with, please?"
She could feel her father stroking her hair gently. She didn't dare to look up towards him, otherwise he would be able to see the crying mess she was right now.
"Oh, honey," he began, carefully reciprocated her hug. "Of course, you can. Your grandfather will be happy to see you."
That was a lie, she knew it. After the stunt she pulled last time, there would be no way in hell he'd be glad in any capacity to see his freak granddaughter. And she didn't want to see him, either. After all, he was a fucking bastard. But anything was better than being alone with the demon in her head.
She looked past her father, down the small hallway. Kanade was standing at the other end, looking at her, judging her. It scared her.
"Please," she asked her dad again.
The drive was silent. Well, aside from Kanade's stupid questions and remarks whenever she saw an attractive girl on the street.
She cursed her suppressed sexuality.
It made sense, right? If Kanade was a part of her fucked up mind, her desires and fears would be voiced through her, wouldn't it?
A few more turns and they will reach the mansion of her grandfather again. What will he say when he sees her? He knows about her… condition, after all.
"Who cares? Just tell him to shut his old ass up."
Tsubasa could not fight a groan.
"Are you okay?" came the voice from her father.
Tsubasa thought about just waving him off, but decided to give a clear answer: "She is saying stuff again."
"I'm sorry, honey. I wish I could help you."
She sighed. Kanade sighed.
"We will be at your grandfather's in a minute. I try and make it quick, okay?"
"Didn't you say it'll take a few hours?" was Tsubasa's exhausted reply.
"Yes, but that was when I thought you would be okay to be alone. I'll see if I can talk him into cutting it short."
"Yeah, good luck with that," Kanade added. "The only things short about this guy are his stamina and his dick."
Tsubasa had to groan again. "Just shut up," she whispered.
She was sighing in relief when her father finally pulled the car into the driveway of her grandfather's house.
Behind her, Kanade let out an impressed whistle and said: "Man, this motherfucker must have got a baby dick to compensate that hard. Did it fall off sometime, or something?"
She chose to ignore her.
She and her father were greeted by the guards flanking the massive entrance door. Walking through the massive hallways again made her feel small, insignificant, as if the walls could suffocate her at any moment.
"This place gives me the creeps."
Tsubasa was inclined to agree. The paintings and statues were the same as last time and all the times before, but right now they seemed to remind her and everyone visiting whose lion den they stepped into. One wrong move, one negligence, one misstep, and you would never be heard from again.
Okay, now she was honestly exaggerating.
They reached the door to the room in which most certainly the old geezer was twiddling his old, dry thumbs. Her father turned around to her.
"It'll only be a few minutes, okay? Do you want to come in too, or do you want to wait?"
Honestly, she didn't know. Does she want to see her grandfather? No. He will just insult her and her father, call them failures and what not. Does she want to wait out here, with Kanade? Also no. She was scared of being alone with her. But right now, it felt like the lesser of two evils. She sighed.
"I'll wait."
Her father gave her a silent nod, concern evident on his face. But he trusted her. He knocked on the door, and waited until it was opened by someone behind it before he entered. When the door fell into the lock, an eerie silence filled the house, not unlike a grave.
"So," Kanade spoke. "Why don't we have a look around? Maybe we'll find some spicy secrets."