He had killed again.
It couldn't be helped, but that didn't make it meaningless.
The killings he had done over the years, all necessary, had piled up inside of him to the point of him resigning as Marshal. For a time, he had felt relaxed and content with his new-found freedom from responsibility. On a pleasant fishing trip with Kitty, Chester had ridden up, horse in a lather, wearing Matt's gun belt and gun.
He had taken the horse and ridden back to town wearing his gun belt and gun after Chester had told him that no one else could handle the gunman Joe Stanger who had just shot and killed a young and innocent saloon girl.
Pinning on the silver badge, so light in weight but so heavy with meaning, Matt had strode purposely to the Long Branch with a grim look on his face.
Looking over the top of the swinging doors, he could see the bloody body of the young, blonde saloon girl, senselessly shot down by the man still standing over her. She looked like a fragile china doll that a child had dropped on the floor.
Matt pushed open the doors, but before he could say a word, the gunman whirled and drew on him. The killer was exceedingly quick, but the Marshal was quicker. As the gun smoke hung in the air, Matt walked in and stood over the two bodies, looking from one to the other.
Hop-running in, shotgun in hand, Chester stared wide-eyed from the tall Marshal to the two bodies.
"Are you all right, Mr. Dillon? I, I didn't know you was heading this way so soon. I jest got back in town with Miss Kitty."
Kitty had hurried in after Chester, and looked worriedly at Matt, searching first for any injury to his body, then at his face for his feelings.
He turned his head and looked at them. She could read nothing in his face other than his usual sad acceptance following each of the too many killings she had witnessed.
"Chester. Get some men and drag THAT," pointing to the killer, "out of here."
Then the big man gently scooped up Linda Hawkins' small, lifeless body and walked out, heading for Doc's. She deserved so much more, and so many more years.
Later that night, up in Kitty's room, Matt and Kitty lay entwined in each other's arms, warm with love.
Kitty traced his strongly defined abdominal muscles with a finger.
'Matt…are you all right? You do know that you didn't have a choice today, and never have had with any of the others."
He looked down at her sky blue eyes gazing into his with so much loving concern, and put his big right hand over her left hand on his abdomen.
"Kitty. I know that now. I've been thinking on it mighty hard. Seeing that nineteen year old girl lying dead, for no good reason at all, really hit me hard. All I could see was you lying there. What if I weren't able to protect you and prevent such terrible things from happening? To you, or to anyone else?"
She nodded and he felt her tears against his skin.
Picking up her hand with his, he placed it over his heart, his on top of hers.
"Darlin', every single time I stop a heart from beating, I feel a sharp pain in mine. Some people were just born to die, but that is not up to me. I always try to keep from killing, but sometimes they don't give me any other choice.
"Joe Stanger, in particular, deserved to rot in jail, and then think about the rope waiting for him all the long ride to Hays. And then that final knee-shaking walk up the steps to the hangman. He deserved to suffer rather than have a quick death, but he gave me no choice, and I accept that. Justice ended up being served."
Kitty nodded her head against his broad chest, now lightly feeling the old scars there before returning her hand to the special spot over his heart and under his hand. She knew that Matt had paid a high price for the justice he so strongly believed in and enforced.
She kept very still, listening carefully to a man who rarely spoke his feelings aloud.
"I need to tell you this, Honey. I've never told anyone before and don't think I could tell anyone else. When Chester reminded me of my duty and abilities, it cleared these doubts from my mind. It was like he was sent to do that."
Matt stopped talking and looked out the window at the full moon.
"Go on, Matt. Please." Kitty stroked his face and touched his lips.
"I believe that I have been given an ability, a gift, that is a blessing and sometimes a curse, to live with honor and to uphold my duty to protect people from animals like Joe Stanger. If not me, then who?"
"I have killed so many men, Kitty, but I no longer believe that I have 'bloody hands,' and I know that I am forgiven by He who matters."
"Oh, Matt. You are a man with the purest heart ever."
He gave a short embarrassed laugh.
"You just come a little closer and I'll show you how 'pure' I am!"
Kitty giggled, then put her hand against his chest, holding him back for a moment.
"Matt, you do know that your name means 'Gift from God'? You most definitely are."
He gave a half laugh again, but as he pulled her close, she saw the moisture in his beautiful eyes by the bright moonlight.