Alone (Post-2x04 and what comes next)
She sits there, frozen. Some part of her watches Simon push past Jace and hug her, but she cannot hug him back. She can't do anything. She can't feel.
Until she suddenly feels too much. She reaches for Simon, grasps at him in an attempt to survive the tidal wave. She hears a raw, weak cry full of pain, and realises it came from her.
After a minute, Simon helps her stand. He ushers her slowly down the hallway towards her bedroom.
Aldertree stops him.
She doesn't know what he says. Everything sounds like she's underwater. But she does know that afterwards, Simon looks her in the eye and tells her that he'll be back as soon as he can and he loves her. He gives Aldertree a dirty look as he shoves past him.
"Clary?" Aldertree says. He has said her name three times; this is the first time she has heard it. Her unfocused eyes flit to his.
"Do you need anything?"
She doesn't reply.
She makes her way back to her room, sits on her bed.
It occurs to her how completely and utterly alone she is.
Simon and Luke aren't allowed in the Institute, Izzy is being treated because she stabbed her, and Alec-
Just because she knows it wasn't his fault doesn't mean she can look at his hand without seeing it covered in her mother's blood.
As for Jace. . .
He's her brother. He lost his mother too. But he didn't know her like Clary did. The only family he has ever known aside from their evil father is the Lightwoods. He's probably in the infirmary with them.
She is completely alone.
In this room, and in this world.
Because who does she have, really, now that her mom is gone?
Her father is a murderous psychopath, her brother is so terrified of having any kind of weakness that he won't go near her, and the two people she called family before this whole mess are not even allowed to be here.
Her mom wasn't perfect. By the Angel, their relationship needs a lot of work.
Needed.
But she was still her mom. The woman who taught her to draw and checked under the bed for monsters and ran away from the only world she ever knew to keep her safe. They would've figured things out, they just needed time.
Time, she is realising, is something that is always in short supply.
Izzy is being treated. Alec and Jace are waiting outside in the hall.
"Jace," Alec says gently.
"What."
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"Your mother just died, it's okay not to be."
"I know Maryse better than I knew her. Not to mention, the last time I saw her she tried to kill me."
"Okay, well, what about Clary? She's devastated and you're standing here with me instead of being with her."
"Everything with Clary is too hard. I just need a break."
Alec grits his teeth. "Well you don't get one, Jace! Family shows up even when it's hard. Thought you'd have known that by now." He sighs, running a hand through his hair. Jace can feel the tension through their rune. "Look, everything in Clary's life has changed in just a few months, and now she's lost her mom. You are the only family she has left. Show up."
Jace lifts his head so he can meet Alec's eyes.
He nods.
Clary is lying on her bed when he gets to her room. Her eyes are lost, empty.
"Hey," he says.
She doesn't respond.
He doesn't know what else to say. It hurts just to look at her. But Alec was right. Family shows up. So he perches on the edge of her bed, reaching a hand across the comforter without actually touching her. "I wish I could do something to fix this, but I know that's impossible. So just. . . let me know if you need anything, okay?" He stands to leave.
"Jace," she says. Her voice is raw. He wonders how long it's been since she last spoke.
"Yeah?"
"I need a friend."
"Okay." He returns to her bed, this time to sit against the headboard. They don't touch, or speak.
Sometimes it's enough, just to know someone is beside you.
Simon can't go to Jocelyn's funeral, so he goes home. He hugs his mom tight for the second time in as many days - if Jocelyn's death has taught him anything, it's to appreciate her - and tells her he loves her.
"You have been so sweet lately," she says, kissing his forehead. "Hey, did you ask Clary about dinner?"
Simon knows he should keep the Shadow World, and everything in it, as far away from his family as possible. But Jocelyn was his mother's friend.
"Clary's mom died." The words tumble out after each other and hang in the air like balloons.
"Oh. Oh, that's awful." She hugs him again. "When?"
"Yesterday," he says, because he knows she'd be furious if she found out Jocelyn died four days ago.
"What happened?"
He can't say 'demon attack orchestrated by Clary's evil father', so he says 'car accident' instead.
"Oh, God. Poor Clary. How's she doing?"
Again, he can't say 'she almost tried to resurrect her mother by making a deal with a shady warlock but thankfully came to her senses'. He notices, not for the first time, how much he has to hide from his mother now. "She's hurting, but she'll be okay. Someday."
"Does she have a place to stay? You tell her she's welcome here anytime, alright?"
"Yeah, she's staying with family." Jace and his adopted family are kind of Clary's family, right? Even though Jace is still acting super weird, Izzy is too stabbed to be anyone's family right now, and Alec is avoiding her like the plague. On second thought, maybe Clary should come over.
To his surprise, Clary loves the idea of seeing his mother. Well, at the moment the most emotion she's capable of is a weak smile, but he'll take it. He slings an arm around her shoulder and they take the familiar path to his house. Elaine opens the door just as they're reaching the front steps, holds out her arms for Clary to walk into.
Hugging Elaine feels familiar. It reminds Clary of scraped knees and floral perfume and learning how to braid challah bread. Elaine had said that she didn't care if Clary was Jewish or not; she was family.
"How are you doing, honey?" Elaine asks, and Clary wants to cry.
Because everyone else wants her to be okay. Everyone else wants her to be okay enough to fight back, to find Valentine, to not be another problem on a list. But Elaine doesn't mind if she's not okay. She's here with strong arms and a shoulder to cry on either way.
Standing outside Simon's house, with her best friend beside her and his mother's arms wrapped around her, knowing that Jace is at the Institute if she needs him, Clary doesn't feel so alone anymore.