April 20, 1865, 10 A.M.
Telegraph from Francis Bonnefoy in Paris to Sir Arthur Kirkland in London
ARTHUR,
=DID YOU SEE NEWS. AMERICAN UNION PREVAILS, CONFEDERACY SURRENDERS APRIL 9=
-FRANCIS
April 20, 1865, 10:45 A.M.
Telegraph from Sir Arthur Kirkland in London to Francis Bonnefoy in Paris
FRANCIS,
=OH, THANK CHRIST IT'S OVER=
-ARTHUR
April 20, 1865, 4:00 P.M.
Telegraph from Francis Bonnefoy in Paris to Sir Arthur Kirkland in London
ARTHUR,
=YOU OWE ME TWO HUNDRED FRANCS=
-FRANCIS
April 20, 1865, 4:30 P.M.
Telegraph from Sir Arthur Kirkland in London to Francis Bonnefoy in Paris
FROG,
=E.T.C. REFUSES TO WIRE THE LANGUAGE I WROTE TO YOU. I OWE NOTHING, I AGREED TO NOTHING=
-SIR ARTHUR KIRKLAND
April 20, 1865, 4:45 P.M.
Telegraph from Francis Bonnefoy in Paris to Sir Arthur Kirkland in London
MON COEUR,
=YOU AGREED IN FALL OF 1861, I HAVE DAY AND TIME RECORDED IN MY JOURNAL.
FOR WHAT IT IS WORTH (200 FRANCS, WHICH I SHALL COLLECT UPON OUR NEXT MEETING) I AM GLAD YOU DID NOT LISTEN TO SLIDELL OR MASON=
-TON AMOUR
April 20, 1865, 5:15 P.M.
Telegraph from Sir Arthur Kirkland in London to Francis Bonnefoy in Paris
PAILLART,
=I WILL TREAT YOU TO A REASONABLY-PRICED DINNER AND NOTHING MORE.
I AM GLAD, TOO.=
-ARTHUR
Historical Notes:
1. If you find the tone of this chapter jarring, check the dates, compare them to the events of the last chapter, and please note that despite this being the age of the telegraph, there is still a 10 to 14-day delay in communication from North America to Europe. There was actually a brief three-week period in James Buchanon's presidency where same-day communication would have been possible. The first transatlantic telegraph cable was laid back in 1858, and for three vastly celebrated weeks, America and Britain were united by telegraph. However, the 2,500 mile-long (~4000 km-long) cable broke after three weeks of use. The second cable, laid in 1865, would break before it could be completely towed across the Atlantic. The third cable, which established a durable connection, would not be laid until the following year, going into operation in the summer of 1866.
2. The Franc was the standard unit of currency in France, and was in use from the country's Revolutionary period (1795) up until 2002, when they adopted the Euro.
3. E. T. C. stands for Electric Telegraph Company (points for creativity to the founders), one of the dominant telegraph companies in London. Most telegraph companies forbid users from transmitting profane or "ungentlemanly" language.
4. MON COEUR = "My Heart", TON AMOUR = "Your Love"
5. "PAILLART" can actually be translated several different ways, all of them at least mildly rude, ranging from "vagabond" or "beggar" to "tramp" or "bastard". Using the word is actually a clever trick by Arthur to sneak past ETC's profantify policies, because the word "Paillart" is an antiquated term, drawn from the 15th century Anglo-Norman dialect of French. In the 19th century, "Paillart" would have most likely been interpreted as a name rather than an insult.
6. Yes, Arthur and Francis do sound like an old married couple. Give them another 100 years and a few world wars together and they'll be even more insufferable.