23 October 2020

Prompt: Revenge

Character/Pairing: Dingo King (OC), Luka Couffaine

Rating: T / PG-13 / Teen

Notes: This song came on Pandora. And that's about all the excuse I have. xD (Nods towards "Totes His Goat" and all the headcanons that've been tossed around LBSC where Luka Compulsively Adopts All The Disabled Animals, to the point where they have to get a farm.)

Dingo's waited a long time for this opportunity. By the time he finally gets the phone call, Dewey is almost five.

That's a long freakin' time to wait for revenge.

But he's patient (sorta). He knew the opportunity would come. If he could just wait. And, because Luka really is the best mate ever, when Dingo had waited long enough he practically gift-wrapped it for him.

Revenge is a dish best served cold, after all, and Dingo's been letting his chill for decades.

"Ding," Luka says one day, the sounds of Chaos in the background, "she said yes."

"Yeah, a bit late on that, mate," he laughs, leaning back in his chair and muting the television. "Harm's almost fourteen, and you were already married a few years by the time she came around. She said yes ages ago."

"No, no, no," Luka says quickly, and Dingo's eyebrows lift. "Ding. We're getting a farm."

"…oh holy hell," Dingo gawks, and Luka almost sounds like he's giggling. "Well…congratulations? I think?"

It had been a good long while since Dolly had passed, and Luka had been pestering Marinette about a farm for ages. It would be perfect, he claimed, for their really-too-large-for-the-city family and all the pets Luka (and now the kids) keep bringing home. Melody and KK had shambled in muddy with their third stray dog just two weeks ago (a corgi they'd named Boots because of how the mud was sticking to his paws and who Marinette had sent straight home with KK). They really did need the space.

Marinette had spent her entire life in Paris, though. Even travelling for work, she loves the city and has always considered it home. Dingo honestly thought hell would freeze over before Marinette would agree to live in the country.

"It's not too far from the city," Luka says, and Dingo realizes he's been talking the whole time. "Close enough that we can both still commute for work, and the kids don't have to switch schools unless they want to. It'll be an adjustment, but the land is gorgeous, Ding. There's two barns – we'll have one for the animals, and the other we're going to convert into a studio. Jagged and Penny are gonna help me set it up. It's gonna be perfect, Ding."

"Well, congratulations, then," Dingo laughs, and they spend the next half hour talking about the future Couffaine farm, how Anarka is probably gonna shit a brick that her pirate son is committing to a land-locked life (he's not, the property is on the river, and the Captain can dock there any time she wants), and how Marinette must be suffering a psychotic episode before there's a crash and Luka's shouting at the twins to put their brother down, no Hugo Dewey can't stretch like that oh my God just wait until your mother gets home!

…Dingo can't wait to see the kids on a farm. Luka is going to lose his mind. It'll be great.

It's a few days after that wonderful phone call, and Dingo's waiting in line for his morning coffee when an old country western song comes on the café's radio. He fully blames the new girl – an import from America who wears too much plaid and sports her hair in braided pigtails – but after placing his order he has to ask.

"'Scuse me, miss," he says, tapping his knuckles on the counter before nodding to the speakers, "what is this glorious song?"

"This ol' thing?" the girl asks, blinking wide green eyes at him. "Kenny Chesney. Everyone knows that."

Dingo's always been more rock than country, so no, he actually didn't, but she tells him the name of the song and he just thanks her with a too-wide grin.

He finds the song as he waits for his coffee, and moments later Luka has a new ringtone on his phone. It's a few days after that before he actually gets his sweet, sweet revenge, though.

Because for years – since collège – Luka has had Dingo programmed into his phone as Platypus. Because Luka knows his first name is Perry (Luka knows his first name is Peregrine, but Luka loves him too much to let anyone else know), and Luka considers him a freak of nature, and Luka has a soft spot for old Disney cartoons (see: his three sons named after the boys from DuckTales). So instead of his contact saying Dingo like a normal person, Dingo's contact has always been Platypus. Because of Perry the Platypus.

And no matter how many times he's tried to change it, Luka always changes it back. Eventually Dingo just accepted it, and if anyone sees it and asks they just say it's because they're both Australian freaks of nature.

So maybe Dingo's been looking for a little bit of phone payback for a while now.

Luka's meeting him at a café before they head to the studio, and he's running late. The café is crowded when he gets there, and he doesn't immediately see Dingo – but Dingo sees him. Dingo sneaks up behind him and sets his ringer as loud as it can go as Luka fishes out his phone and dials. Behind him, loud enough to make him jump, Dingo's phone starts screaming:

"SHE THINKS MY TRACTOR'S SEXAAAAAAAAY!"

Luka whirls around, his eyebrows disappearing beneath his bangs, and Dingo gives him a demonic little grin as the song continues to play. Luka's face scrunches as he listens to the lyrics, but then he's laughing, too.

"Oh my God," he wheezes, hanging up his phone and cutting off the song, "that is great. What song is that? I have to get that for Mari."

Dingo's only a little upset he's not more insulted, but then Luka's calling his phone a second time and laughing when the chorus screams out again.

A few months later, when they're good and settled on the farm, Marinette sends him a picture of a shirtless Luka sitting atop a big, green tractor. There's a red bandana around his neck and a cowboy hat on his head, and there's even a stalk of wheat sticking out of his mouth as he waves at the camera. The message accompanying the picture has Dingo howling.

MC: God, you're right. His tractor is VERY sexy.