TAPS
Chapter 2
Harm's DC apartment
0645 ZULU
The morning dawned clear and bright and found Harley still in bed. Harm made breakfast, his signature oatmeal. He took the pot off the burner as he heard her alarm go off followed by a muttered curse. He smirked to himself. As much as the circumstances were unfortunate, he felt like the luckiest bastard on the planet.
He entered the bedroom and found her still in bed with the covers up over her head. She was always hard to wake up in the morning. She must've sensed his presence, because her sleepy voice mumbled. "5 more minutes."
"Alright, Lee." Harm chuckled, "5 more minutes." He settled into the floor next to the bed to make sure she did get up. He had a feeling she might be feeling a little more sluggish than usual. Grief was a tricky animal.
Harley peeked out from the covers to find Harm sitting on the floor with his back against the bed. She tentatively reached out and slid her fingers into his hair. He kept it short, as was customary for military men, but when they were together, years ago, she liked him to keep it a little longer on top so she could run her fingers through it.
Harm jumped a little, not expecting her to reach out and touch him. He didn't stop her and didn't turn around, afraid he would scare her away.
"For a moment, I thought you were Todd." She murmured. "Then you called me, Lee." Her throat tightened. "No one calls me that but you."
"You've never told me why that is." Harm murmured, feeling himself falling deeper under her spell.
Harley bit her lip. "Uh, well," she gently cleared her throat. It was now or never. "My Dad used to call me Lee, before he retired and became an abusive drunk."
Harm turned around. "Why haven't you ever corrected me?" He asked, getting up from the floor and sitting on the bed, wanting to look her in the eyes for this revelation.
Harley shrugged. "I guess it seemed different, coming from you." She pursed her lips, "Other guys had tried, but it never seemed right."
"Okay..." Harm squinted, not quite sure where she was going with this.
Harley sighed, sitting up. "I admired you a great deal, Harm." She shrugged. "Guess you redeemed the nickname for me."
"Careful," He warned sarcastically, "saying stuff like that strokes my ego, Lee." He grinned at her.
Harley sleepily grinned back. "You don't need any help in the ego department, Rabb." She shot back, sliding out of bed. "I'm going to grab a quick shower." She explained gathering her toiletries and heading that direction.
Harm returned to the kitchen and ate a bowl of oatmeal, trying to ignore the fact that the woman of his dreams was hot, wet and naked in his shower. Harley emerged from the bedroom a few minutes later, wrapped in a blue satin dressing robe, her hair damp, curling softly to her elbows. "Oatmeal?" She guessed, sliding onto a barstool.
"Mmmhmm." Harm confirmed, pouring some in a bowl for her. He slid the bowl towards her and popped a spoon into it.
"Thanks." Harley murmured, wrapping her hands around the warm bowl for a moment.
"I guess it's my turn." He gave her a nod and disappeared into the bedroom to take his own shower.
An hour later, after donning their dress blues, the Commanders made their way to the funeral home. Harley let Harm drive, as he insisted on accompanying her for the duration of the preparation. He had relented and agreed to lead the flyover, so he wanted to be there for her when he could.
Harley entered the funeral home and felt the air leave her lungs. Mr. and Mrs. Gerhart stood in the lobby, most likely waiting to meet with the funeral director. Mary Beth, Todd's Mom, insisted upon including Harley in the preparations.
"Oh Harley!" Mary Beth exclaimed, stepping forward to wrap her in a hug. "I'm so glad you decided to come, dear." She released her embrace.
Harley nodded. "Mary Beth, this is Commander Rabb." She nodded to Harm who stepped forward to shake the woman's hand. "He's a friend of mine from my time at JAG, and a fellow naval aviator." She took a quick breath. "He's the leader for the flyover tomorrow."
"It's good to meet you, Commander." Mary Beth smiled, "Did you know my Todd?" She asked.
"No, ma'am." Harm shook his head, "I'm sorry I never had the privilege."
Mary Beth nodded. "He looked a bit like you," she squinted a little. "Tall, dark hair, stunning smile."
"I'll take that as a compliment, ma'am." Harm smiled, ducking his head a little.
Harley greeted Mr. Gerhart next. "Sir." She extended her hand. The man shook his head once and stepped forward drawing her into a fierce hug. Todd was his only son. Now with him gone, the older man seemed a little lost.
"Thank you for coming, sweetheart." He murmured in her ear and kissed her cheek before releasing her.
"Leroy," Harley cleared her throat, 'This is Commander Rabb." She explained, stepping aside so Harm could take Mr. Gerhart's hand.
"A flying lawyer, eh?" Leroy smiled, taking Harm's hand. "Thank you for your service, son."
Harm smiled uncomfortably, but took the complement. "Thank you, sir."
"I remember the first time Todd brought Harley home to us." Mary Beth smiled through misty eyes. "He said, 'Mom, I've found a girl who loves to fly more than I do.' and I thought, that's impossible." She snorted softly. "You're even more beautiful than he described, dear." She sighed, 'Thank you for loving my son."
Harley's eyes misted over. She did love Todd, even if it was different than what she'd experienced with Harm. Todd was safe, comfortable, and loyal as hell. "The pleasure was mine." She assured the older woman, her voice wavering a little.
Harm stepped closer to her and she reached out and gripped his bent elbow for a moment. It was something she'd done since their days together at JAG to express emotion between them while they were in uniform. He knew that this was going to be very hard for her.
The funeral director came in and had them all sit down at a table together to go over the arrangements. Mr. and Mrs. Gerhart sat on one side of the table and Harm and Harley sat on the other with the director at the head. They worked through what needed to be done for the service and Harm assured them all that he would ensure the flyover would go off without a hitch.
As they wrapped up, the funeral director looked to Harley. "Would you like to see him, Commander Steele?"
Harley's breath caught. She hadn't thought to see him before the viewing that evening and before the funeral service tomorrow.
"I-I didn't know, um…" She took a quick breath and turned to Mary Beth. "Is that alright?" She asked.
Mary Beth nodded. "Of course, dear." She smiled sadly. "Take all the time you need. We'll see you back here at 6."
Harley smiled back, and looked over at Harm. He was studying her carefully, waiting for her to fall apart, no doubt. She stood up from the table. "Okay." She told the funeral director. Harm stood up and saw the Gerhart's to the door.
Captain Todd Gerhart lay in a dark wood casket, dressed in his Navy Dress Whites. His lid was tucked under his arm, displaying the gold floral on the brim. His Navy Cross sat proud on his chest, along with various other commendations he'd received during his service. Harley approached the casket, tears filling her eyes. Her breath sped up and a sob tore at her throat as she swallowed against the cry of agony trapped in her chest. She knew she needed to let him go, but he had been so good to her, it was going to hurt like hell.
"Hey, baby." Harley's voice broke as she gripped the edge of the casket. "You're never gonna believe who I ran into at the airport." She bit her lip. She took off her engagement ring and placed it on his chest next to his Navy Cross, a sob tearing at her throat.
Harm hovered at the door of the morgue, not sure if he should go inside. A grief filled wail had him rushing through the door moments later to find Harley kneeling next to a dark wood casket, one hand gripping the side, the other over her mouth. Her face was turned to the floor and her shoulders shook with sobs. He stopped his advance when he realized she was speaking aloud to the Captain.
"How am I supposed to go on flying without you, Ger?" She cried, standing up again. She reached out and gently brushed his hair from his forehead. "We're supposed to retire and have a little mini me or you running around, goddammit." She sighed. "I've got to let you go, baby." She sniffed, taking her hand back. "He's come back into my life again and I don't know if I'm strong enough to push him away, not now." She whispered. "God I'm the worst fiancé ever, you deserve better, Ger. I'm sorry."
Harm didn't know what to do. He didn't want to leave her alone, but he didn't want to interrupt her either. He shifted his weight and the floor creaked, giving away his presence.
Harkey turned at the sound, "Come meet Captain Todd Gerhart, Harm." She spoke up, wiping her eyes, giving him a brave smile.
Harm moved deeper into the room and came to stand beside her. He clicked his heels together with a swift snap and offered the fallen officer a formal salute. The man had a few cuts and bruises on his face, but other than his pale complexion and blue lips, he looked at peace.
"What do you need, Lee?" Harm asked quietly, covering the hand that still gripped the casket edge with his own.
"My fiancé back." She whispered brokenly. Harm's heart clenched. "I'm sorry." She sighed, "That's not fair to say to you, sir."
Harm's lips twitched. It seemed time and a promotion hadn't gotten her calling him "sir" out of her system. He'd bring that up later. "Nothing to be sorry about, Lee." He pursed his lips. "Better for you to be honest about how you feel and face it then turn tail and pretend like you're not grieving."
Harley scoffed. "Jesus Christ," She swore, "You speaking from experience or throwing the book at me?" She teased, tapping his bent elbow.
Harm snorted softly and gave her a close lipped smile, "A little bit of both I guess." He sighed, taking a step back from the casket.
Harley nodded, hugging herself for a moment. "Okay." She turned away from the casket. "Let's go." She sighed, "I need some time to process before the viewing tonight."
Harm nodded and gently tucked her hand into his arm. "Alright." He murmured, making sure she stayed upright all the way to the car.
Harley hung up her uniform and changed into some comfy black leggings and a maroon tank top before climbing back into Harm's bed. She settled back against the pillows and pretended to be asleep when Harm entered the room. She could feel his eyes on her for a moment, then the rustling of his uniform told her he was stripping down too.
She cracked an eye open and was greeted with the delicious sight of Harmon Rabb shirtless. He pulled a tank top over his head and left the room for a moment. Harley closed her eyes felt herself start to drift off when the bed dipped and Harm joined her. He didn't get under the covers, but stretched out next to her with a book.
After a moment, Harley stretched a little and changed positions, "Thank you." She whispered, reaching out to touch his hand that rested on the comforter.
"You're welcome, Lee." Harm murmured back, turning his hand over to entwine their fingers together. He pursed his lips, and sniffed, "Did you mean it?" He asked, setting his book down, and turned on his side to face her. He let go of her hand to prop up his head. He reached out and brushed her hair out of her face a little, his palm settling on her shoulder. "You're not strong enough to push me away, not now?"
Harley's breath caught. Earlier, when the floor creaked and she realized she wasn't alone anymore and called him over, she was afraid he'd heard her confess her growing feelings to Todd's corpse. Evidently he had heard her. "Yes." She nodded, chin lifting a little. Her vision blurred, and she bit her lip. "I-I don't want you to think that I'm using you or-"
"I don't mind." Harm murmured, shrugging his shoulder a little. He slid his hand down her arm to entwine their fingers together. He gave her a toothy smile that made her heart skip a beat.
"Harm." Harley scoffed. "I was planning on marrying the man." She sighed. "How can I just let him go and move on?"
Harm swallowed hard. "When Jordan was murdered," He locked eyes with her for a moment, then looked down at their entwined hands. "I had a hard time getting past the what if's and what could've beens."
Harley didn't know what to say. It seemed the more time passed, the more they had in common. "It was an equipment failure." Harley explained, "I know that my Tomcat was slower, but Jesus, these mishaps need to stop." She sighed, "I held out until '06 when they literally pried it from my hands." She snorted softly. "I hear they're fully phasing in the Super and getting rid of the original Hornet."
"That's good." Harm nodded, understanding her love for the Tomcat. It was familiar and reliable. As good as the new digital readouts and displays were in the Hornet, it seemed that the electronics still had some kinks to be worked out. It was hard to do that in the field and not lose planes and aviators. "My squadron is all Super's."
Harley nodded. "Same here." She sighed. "Ger was a cowboy." She snorted softly, "He just refused to get used to the Super." She shrugged. "The speed is nice, but it kinda feels like a Suzuki crotch rocket compared to a Harley Dyna when compared to a Tomcat."
Harm smirked. Trust Harley to make a comparison of fighter jets to motorcycles. "I expected for you to compare our jets to horses, not motorcycles." He mused, squeezing her hand. He sighed, glancing at the clock, it was just about noon. "Are you hungry for some lunch?" He asked, bringing her hand up to his lips for a soft kiss then released it. He got up from the bed and headed for the kitchen.
Harley turned over to her back. "I think I just need to lay here for awhile." She murmured, throwing her forearm over her eyes.
"You want me to stay with you?" Harm asked, stopping his departure and perched on the edge of the bed. Harley bit her lip. Of course she did. She slid up so she was sitting up against the pillows. Harm moved closer, brushing her hair out of her face. "I know it hurts like hell, Lee." He pursed his lips, "I'm here."
Harley watched as his eyes focused on her lips, then moved away. His jaw clenched and she could tell he wanted to kiss her, circumstances be damned. She reached out and gently took his head in her hands, pulling him closer. His hands came up to grip her shoulders, his eyes widening as she leaned closer. "It hurts like hell, but…" She sighed and bit her lip.
"But what?" He asked breathlessly, eyes flitting closed as their noses brushed.
"He wouldn't want me to stop living just because he's gone." She murmured, eyes locking with his. She took a quick breath, "I know it sounds crazy, but I feel like you were assigned this detail so we could have a second chance."
"You sat down next to me in that bar and I can't describe the feeling it gave me when you smiled at me." Harm smiled, "Then I saw the ring and my heart just sank. I knew I was too late."
Harley shook her head, "Not too late," She smiled, holding up her now empty hand. "Just in the nick of time." She softly pressed her lips to his as if to prove the point.
Harm grip on her shoulders tightened then he slid his palms down her back, pulling her even closer. Harley sighed with pleasure at his touch, allowing him to deepen their kiss. "Missed you." Harm murmured against her lips, one hand coming up to cradle the back of her head.
Harley pulled back a little and rested her forehead against his. "You have no idea how much I missed you, flyboy." She bit her lip. "I feel so guilty." She sighed, "I should be shattering into a million pieces right now, but instead," She snorted softly, "I feel-"
"Like the cracks are healing?" Harm finished for her, eyes searching hers for a moment. "My coming back to DC wasn't an accident." He sighed. "I've been on base for three months preparing for this deployment, but." He pursed his lips, "I took this assignment because it meant I didn't have to return to San Diego, alone." He sighed, "It's over because I can't be what she needs."
Harley's heart clenched. He was just as broken and messed up as she was. Goodness this was just too good to be true. "I'm sorry you couldn't make it work with Mac." She whispered. "I'm sorry that Todd died." She sighed, "But I'm not sorry that we've been given the chance to be happy, even for just a little while." She smiled sadly, tossing her hair a little.
"You really okay with galley phone calls, hastily written letters and our leave barely matching up?" He asked, reminding her that they most likely would spend more time apart than together.
"Sounds like a dream." Harkey smiled. It's what she had signed up when she agreed to marry Todd anyway. He was older, so he'd offered to retire first so she could continue her career.
Harm scoffed. "You don't want some grand gesture like me giving up my Navy career to build a life together?"
Harley bit her lip. "I want you to be happy, Harm." She curled her fingers into his hair, "Plus, you know what they say about gold wings and dress whites." She winked.
Harm shook his head a little. "I must be asleep on the plane still."
"I could say the same thing." Harley smirked, "My world ended two days ago." She sighed. "Now," her voice broke and tears threatened to spill over.
Harm pulled her closer, pressing a kiss to her temple. "Best send off I could have imagined." He murmured, referring to his looming six month deployment.
Harley yawned and blinked away her tears.
"Still having nightmares?" He asked softly, his thumb smoothing away a stray tear.
Harley bit her lip. "I hope I didn't keep you up." She sighed.
Harm motioned for her to scoot over so he could sit next to her. "I don't mind, Lee." He wrapped his arm around her, getting her to settle down and pillow her head on his chest.
Harley sighed, closing her eyes. "It's a bit surreal isn't it?" She scoffed.
"Mmmhmm." Harm agreed, "I'm still in shock, to be honest."
"Seeing Todd," Harley swallowed hard, "like that-" her voice broke and Harm pulled her closer. "Brought me right to reality." She snorted softly. "I'm sorry you never got to meet him."
"I would've kicked his ass." Harm murmured, turning his head a little to look down at her.
Harkey laughed softly. "He'd have kicked right back." She yawned again.
Harm pressed a kiss to her temple. "What time do we need to be ready?"
"Family viewing begins at 6." Harley murmured. "Just give me an hour before we need to leave."
"You got it." He assured her. "Relax for a bit." He encouraged, fingers running soothingly through her hair.
"You should eat." Harley murmured.
Harm chuckled. "I will." He smirked, even half asleep, she was taking care of him. "Sleep, Lee." He kissed her head, "I've got you."
xoxo
Lumora The White